Chilling, Taste Testing & Quiet Quitting

21:37Dana Carvey:You're the snarky guy. You know, people love the snark, you know. Yeah, you know, it's a good way to get a laugh, right? I'm Dan Aykroyd. God, when Dan came by the old SNL offices, we would just be like, arp, arp, arp. I know. he sat with us when we were there in 86, we had dinner with us, you know, don't be in a hurry to leave the show. And then he talked all about investing. And what do you do with your money? You take the money you earn and then you invest it. He's worth 300 million. Wait, you were only 10 years after the huge blow up of SNL. So Dan Aykroyd being there right off the heels and he was doing like trading places and shit.

22:17Holy fuck.

22:19Dana Carvey:Dan Aykroyd, as everyone knows, is Canadian nice. He didn't have, He's never had an ego. Oh, right, sir. And I'd rather really look at haunted houses, to be honest. I mean, he's fascinated by UFOs, paranormal. So, anyway. I'm jealous of people. I am, too. But I'm not that interesting. But you want to be different than just showbiz, stupid stuff. Well, let's talk about the Oscars for a second and see if we can get a banger without being too mean. After our Oscars show. It's a lot of rules. We have another week We could shit on our Oscar live streaming episode 13 hours after Conan was facedown in a pile of his own goo At the hook and crook His own goo?

23:06Dana Carvey:Yeah, that's He used to say that, you know, this guy drank so much He woke up facedown in a pile Of his own goo You don't know that expression? No I'm gonna add it Conan doesn't drink Wait, what else is he gonna tell you? Oh, the Busboys trailer came out. Oh, yeah. And also that Keanu Reeves movie I did, smaller part, but that came out. It's called Outcome. That's on Apple TV. That'll be in April 10th. And then Busboys is theaters April 17th. Wow. A handful of theaters. So I'm telling people buy your tickets now because it's only in maybe 100. I'm just going to call it right now. Now, April is the month of the spade.

23:53Yeah. Well, I saw the outcome trailer. I'm not in it that much. I'm going to post it today, Heather.

23:59Dana Carvey:What do you play? I mean, what do you... I'm a... Do you have an accent? I'm one of his buddies whose name is Buddy. So, no, I don't have an accent. I don't do anything. You can do an accent. I'm kind of a douchebag. So, I live next to him in Malibu. And the joke is In Malibu you kind of The balconies close together like that You have about a foot between them Because they're all badged together Which is legit Because they built it It wasn't really in Malibu It looked exactly Anyway So when I live here and he lives here I can always talk to him He can't really escape me So I'm like What's up guy And he's like oh hey man And then he goes out there to kind of zen and meditate Because he's going through the ringer Because he's a superstar He's got a movie coming out But he's getting blackmailed And he just wants some peace and quiet And I'm like What's up guy?

24:59Dana Carvey:And then you're chipping at him I'm just up his ass I just like star fucking him Because I know he's a star in the movie He plays like a Robert Downey Jr. big star And so Kind of like he is in real life but Jonah Hill wrote it and directed it. Oh yeah. Oh, that's cool. Cameron Diaz is his friend and, um, Jonah is his lawyer and Matt Bomer. Sounds kind of like a cool movie. It's a great, it's a fun movie. I think so. I'm going to go to the premiere in a while, a couple of weeks, but you know, so that's out. Mm-hmm. Busboys. Busboys, Busboys. We're trying to get Theo to come on before Busboys. So we're going to, hopefully he'll be on here if he gets back in town because we want to do it in person.

25:42you know,

25:44Dana Carvey:bus boys. Yeah. I may, you know, I've told you this, and I think Theo, that John Lovitz and I tried to get a sketch on SNL once. And it was called billionaire bus boys. Yeah. And, and then we had a song billionaire bus boys, billionaire bus boys, just like you and me, billionaire bus boys, billionaire bus boys. They are so carefree. They will clean your table when they're ready and able. Billionaire, billionaire, billionaire busboys Just like you and me Except they're billionaires So the idea is they have to be employed a certain amount To keep all their inheritance coming in Oh, that's kind of like Brewster's Millions Every few days they just get fired on purpose So someone's just eating their soup, posh restaurant You just sit in front of them and take the bus I don't think I'll take that Spoon up your ass They have to get fired, so they're slugging people and throwing chairs.

26:44So, yeah. That'll be the sequel. I might go out and try to be a busboy. By the way, Lovitz's back hurts, so I might have to go over there and nurse him today.

26:57Dana Carvey:Maybe I'll text him or call him. Give him a call. Check on him. Yeah, the back. He likes to golf and play tennis. You got to really keep your core on. I like to, but I can't. What? Jealous? jealous of my spasm? Yeah, I had an idea that maybe John, the character of John Lovitz will be part of our five hour energy segment today. Oh, really? Oh, let's do it. Just a tease. No, let's do it. Let's do it. This is buzzing around. You know what it's time for. It's time for buzzing around. Sponsored by Five Hour Energy and their fruity rainbow flavor. Treat your taste buds to an explosion of fruit candy flavor with a tasty caffeine kick.

27:42Get candy-flavored chaos with Fruity Rainbow 5-Hour Energy shots online at www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon. I'm going to take a slug while you rev up your pipes.

27:55Dana Carvey:Take a slug. This is kind of like a movie set where Owen Wilson plays plays the babysitter of John Lovett, who plays himself as a three-year-old. And then there's a surprise guest. I'll try to make it simple. All right. Sure. Owen Wilson. Everyone silent, please. Sorry, little buddy, you can't have another donut. Why not? I want another donut. Jealous? I promised your parents I wouldn't give you more than one donut. I can't do it, buddy. I said, give me a donut. Wait a minute. Who are you? I'm Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt. Perfect. Maybe you can help me with this baby, John Lovett. You know, I'm not supposed to give him another donut.

28:57Dana Carvey:That's a good plan. What do you think I should do? I can think of worse things than giving that little fella a donut. And I think there's nothing wrong with giving a little kid a second donut. He'll remember it the rest of his life. Exactly, Brad Pitt. So give me a donut. I think it was a pretty good scene. Should we do it again, Woody? No, I think we got it. It's great. No, you're terrific. But maybe we'll release it. It'll be an opener for bus boys Trying to go full circle I've got good news Brad Pitt I pooped my diaper

29:44Dana Carvey:I'm so jealous you have that I'll get you one No I have That's right John should have gone more scatological Because he does like that I have a full diaper Jealous Oh fuck Heather I ran out of batteries I was going to go Beep beep beep beep beep This piece of shit Did you do that They said it would last 5 ,000 years Five hours Taking this out of my doomsday fucking basement My doomsday basement I have a box you know In case everything goes wrong It's A rat bag with cashews and raisins and five headshots. I don't know if I need those, but just to make sure people know I'm famous if there's a bunch of rubble.

30:38Dana Carvey:If there's a, yeah, it's kind of like... Please help me first. Would you potentially be like Burgess Meredith in this scenario? You gotta help me rock because these rocks are gonna hurt me poignant.

30:54Dana Carvey:Just so people know, he's doing Burgess Meredith, this famous actor for a hundred years who was playing the rough and tumble Brooklyn kind of coach, a trainer to Sylvester Stallone and Rocky. He's planning it to a very sophisticated 1962 black and white twilight zone where he plays someone who survives a nuclear Holocaust and wants to read books. Just so that, just so it makes sense. He was always worried about Rocky and he likes, and he's more tough love. If you look, if you watch the movies carefully, He does like Rocky He's very tough on him And he goes I'm gonna fight Mr. T And he goes Are you kidding me K's gonna hoit you He's gonna hoit you Permanent Permanent Yeah permanent But he says poignant every time You know I don't know Just do it I told you His brain is good He's cleared to fight He got scrambled eggs I mean basically in the first movie, he led with his face.

31:59Dana Carvey:Instead of the normally part, keep hitting me until you're tired. It was, hey, yo, hey, and he's all swollen, hey, yo, Adrian! That's pretty good. Adrian! And she fell in love with him right at that moment. Adrian was like the most supportive wife. You can't win! I was like, oh, thanks, Adrian. And then after he wins, she's like, you shouldn't have win. It should have been a decision for him. I'm like, Adrian. How much money do you have on this? Hey, Adrian, I put on the sunglasses with my eyes and it's still swollen. Where's Butkus? Hey, Adrian. Is that the turtle or the dog? Hey, Adrian. Ring, ring, ring, ring.

32:46Dana Carvey:Yeah, this is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, boy. I could do a fight picture, too. I could take punishment with my face. Hey, Adrian. I'm sorry. Yeah, I know. It's okay. Yeah. It's okay. So you're going on vacation to Mexico? Yeah. Yeah.

33:09Dana Carvey:Anyway, I'm a huge fan of both those guys. Stallone and Schwarzenegger, greatest movie stars. I like that you add that at the end. I know in case people go, I'm not doing Sylvester Stallone. I'm exaggerating the character of Rocky when he got his face smashed by Apollo Creed. Mick, he's got cinder blocks in his gloves. Now you gotta work around these challenges. Yeah, the guy was kind of negative. He's gonna moiety your permanent. His hands are like blocks of concrete. He's twice as big as you. Where's the bad part, Paulie? You're on so many steroids You have nuts on your chest Hey 2 % body fat Doesn't play it okay You haven't had a boner Since 1971 Rock You're not allowed To have an IV in your arm During the fight alright Get it ready Alright we're gonna Let's go to some stories Oh shoot You didn't read.

34:17How come you can see that? Okay. God, they got a good one. That whole bullshit was buzzing around. You had a hundred impressions.

34:25Dana Carvey:Oh, good. Yeah. Sponsored by 5-Hour Energy's Fruity Rainbow Flavor. Treat yourself to a candy-like flavor explosion and satisfy your sweet tooth with this zero sugar treat. Once again, you can get in on the candy-flavored chaos online at 5hourenergy.com or Amazon today. Now, we'll go. Now. Now we'll go to some stories. Now.

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36:24Dana Carvey:Your words, not mine. Now, we did a 12-minute buzzing around. Yeah, that was one. Is that the way it's supposed to go? All right, here he is. Is this supposed to be split screen? Let me see. Yeah, look at that blue line right where we have to see. Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay, Mississippi. Okay, you know about NIL and all this. Of course. Name image like this. So Mississippi is pulling a fast one and saying they pass a no tax on NIL money. It helps Ole Miss and Mississippi State, of course. Look at it. It says at the bottom, a teacher taxed, police taxed, healthcare worker, third string cornerback tax free.

37:03So they can say, come here. Wow. We'll not only give you a couple million to play in college, we won't tax you.

37:10Dana Carvey:that's uh i i assume they'll win every game the rest of the scales because you're gonna if you get a three million dollar offer from california and you get you know the worst taxes in the country then you go i can go to old miss i know keep all my money i mean that crazy that is the problem i mean he was i guess he senator john kennedy was having lunch with uh gavin newsom Now, it get me wrong, but the thing you have to remember is that you are competing for talent on all levels from 50 other states. Yeah. Did I make myself clear? Now, you want to tax the shit out of people. Sorry, pardon my French.

37:52Dana Carvey:And do you think that'll make them come to your state and work there? Is 50 the right amount of states? Is that number the states? Yeah. But that's smart. Some guy came out of a swamp. Said, I got an idea. Yeah, that's a good idea. We ain't going to tax NIL anymore. Mississippi today was reported to be the highest per capita earning state in the nation. That was Tom Brokaw. Yeah, every kid there is going to make so much money. It is a smart move, and they pass it right away because there's not much going on. So they're just like, hey, this is how we can draw in and have a killer team. Do people understand when NIL came in and what it means?

38:35Dana Carvey:Is that common knowledge name? Oh, to people? You can be in college and get paid doing Instagram and promoting and commercials. You can get paid. You know what's funny is they name it image and likeness, but really it's just been, we'll just pay you to come here. And so we can use your name, image, and likeness. but that's very secondary it seems because it's really just like a draft like every year you can just switch schools i think you can switch during but switch around but to put it this way when i was growing up if you like the coach gets 10 million the stadium is full of 80 000 people paying they got concessions i mean it's a billions and billions of billions and dollars and these guys playing football and they're getting paid zero and they could get an injury and then that's it so it'd be like you know i don't i don't know if i'm coming back for my senior year i can't feel my feet it's like varsity blues yeah well i think that's true and so people said they should get paid this feels like it was an overcorrection well maybe it was an overcorrection the the gymnast who's now on baywatch i'm sorry her name is um olivia dunn olivia dunn seems like a very nice sweet young woman and she has been very smart and clever and she was a really great gymnast or is with leveraging that into a career so props to her right she gets millions to do what she does so whoops i mean you know the fact that i look the way i look in a um in a speedo yeah you know gerbit said yeah with your body you should be on bay watch you'd be a little bit older but you still be cut i will tell you that that that open casting call was a long day for me and then i never got i never heard anything from what's so funny is i'm doing the craziest this shit on one side and I see you kind of like, I hear you doing gervets and I'm going, I'm doing stuff I can't see anymore and you're like, um.

40:47Let me go over some documents here. I'm listening to you going,

40:53Dana Carvey:I can't commit harder. I was saying, I added on an addendum that I auditioned for Baywatch. I went to the 12 hour casting call on Santa Monica Beach and along with everyone else. And I didn't get even a callback. Yeah. I was, I, I tested for sort of an R rated comedy called Bay Slut and I didn't get it. No, that's too bad. I went in and I said, they said, let's see you in your Speedo. I go, they go, I see you have a photo of you in your Speedo and a photo of you without your Speedo. And I go, yeah, that one's for you. and they go it's not really what we're looking for yeah I had kind of an oversized speedo it's called a slow dough and it's just a little roomier yeah keep some room so things can jostle

41:58Dana Carvey:I want to be more insane and have you look down I go And then you go okay I'm sending you one of these So you can gift me with this I like it I gotta find one It's two dollars on Amazon Alright That's two dollars too many Okay let's go to another story Do we have any other stories We literally have one story Okay I'm fine Okay stand up comedian recently diagnosed with terminal cancer travels thousands of miles to try to kill his ex-wife as his last dying act murders oh he did kill her this is in Arizona no Anchorage stand-up comedian recently diagnosed with terminal cancer where does this stand-up comedy part come in it's not that funny I don't know but a stand-up comedian does this Wow, it's giving us a bad name.

43:02Dana Carvey:Before he headed out, he was headlining a comedy club, I think it was in Tucson, called The Slice and Dish. Okay, that's all I got.

43:21Okay, that was a fun story. But, you know, we like to promote comedians.

43:25Dana Carvey:Yeah, yeah, he's a really good comedian. He's got a great chunk. Oh my god This one's too bright It's too late now But hang on This is what you did When you walked into your Baywatch audition There you go Are you excited to be here? I guess so This is when you came in In your slow-dow auditioning That was my Oh that almost sounds like the nurse I'm gonna have to call the doctor

44:00This is more like the nurse

44:06This is our old show

44:08Dana Carvey:I'm sorry folks We've been doing this a while Sorry we got a little silly No honestly I gotta take this Yeah Go for Dickie I love the fake thing holding up That was a good phone ring Yeah, and you go like this. Hello. Okay, let's do another one. All right.

44:36Oh. Oh, this is Wendy's. Oh, because you know what? We didn't get to it last week, but I said I've been into Wendy's. And when they do this, let's check your eyesight, Dana. They're looking for a chief tasting officer about the roll. Okay. Chief tasting officer, Wendy's. 100 grand a year 100 grand i could have read that light oh yeah i can read it now

45:01Dana Carvey:remote locations light mostly to your local wendy's and a human mouth a pulse opinions creativity taste that's the credentials job type dream and then is this real yes it is do you hate your job i think it's wendy's being like getting younger people by talking like directly and funny about a real job right you want the vibes you want to come in here you want to kick back we're don't anyone busting your ball sack we're fun yeah that's a fun ad for a job at wendy's i have not gone into wendy's in a while but i've maybe been into wendy's 3 000 times in my life i have been a taste tester i'd like to reenact that right now okay i've been a taste tester at a hamburger joint i won't say which one wendy's anyway so it's like all right yeah let me have that thank you Okay, this is a double cheeseburger.

45:53Dana Carvey:Okay, here we go. With a special sauce. All right.

46:08Okay.

46:10Dana Carvey:Now I want to see you eat it. I want to see you. You'd be good at this. Try our new deluxe Spade Burger. Go ahead. Let me see you mime that out. And then I'll give you a review. Here we go. Napkin. Okay. Napkin. Get the burger. Here's me not liking it, but acting like I like it. Okay.

46:45It's good. It's really, uh, I didn't know there'd be a dog tooth in it, but I don't hate it. I think it's good.

46:57Dana Carvey:Well, that was making me laugh because it was so serious. Yeah, let me take that. Because all the bosses were looking.

47:11Finding it. We don't know which way you're going with it yet.

47:22oh good

47:26he's giving a okay sign here's another one ready

47:30Dana Carvey:oh no this is a faster version

47:38I'm putting it in the napkin because I love it so much I'm going to eat it again later

47:42Dana Carvey:yeah here's another one

47:46I guarantee we say that we don't even know what we're going to do just say it

47:51Dana Carvey:oh god he's holding his nose oh taste tester oh are you barfing because you like it too much I don't know I'm trying to cover for you in front of the boss oh yeah well you get all the good ones that's a good one thank you

48:21Dana Carvey:We've heard it. Give us something new. Okay, here's... You like that one? Uh-huh. I do like that one. Yeah, that's cute. Yeah, that's your review. Okay, let's do another one. Of the hamburger. Okay. We'll get the F. Here we go. All right, here it is. Here's our final clip. Oh, Heather. Oh, funny. Have we never shown this? I don't think we did. This keeps popping up on my Instagram. The facts of life. I don't like the word failed. It's a little strong. Big Apple Blues did not get picked up. I think it aired, but didn't get picked up. I think. Facts of Life episode, Big Apple Blues. You play the love interest in it.

49:05Dana Carvey:And you're like, you're 12 here or something. Go to the next one. Oh, no, you can't see me in this one. Oh, we can't. My muscles. Can they? Aren't we seeing a video? No, no, no, I guess they're photos, but this right side is too big. The left side is too small. I don't care about the writing. Yeah. That's 2D on the left. And that you can see part of your head and elbow. Oh, I'm ripped, dude. I'm in a muscle shirt. My pants are on button for some reason. Well, this is a soft core part. It said I was a comedian in it, but I was not. Grieco who spun off and did Booker Right after this big star I I am a doctor Scrub tech but I'm in med school And in the pilot I already take Mindy out And I go I start crying I'm like Sarge I lost a patient I like someone dies Why am I in charge of anyone That would die I'm like 26 You know 24 The episode this is the violin Introduce new characters Played by David Spade Who portrayed a sarcastic Aspiring comedian named Scott I don't think I was a comedian No, they always say that Grieco who blew up on a rocket ship Right after this on his own TV show Well, this shit's got next week Let's get, because Meg Ryan Played my girlfriend for a few episodes One of the boys, 1981 Yeah How they used to work with Meg Let's do it, this will be a full circle moment Meg's really cool You ever see Harry Met Sally?

50:45Oh boy, you dropping That's what the people want to hear

50:49Dana Carvey:Oh I want to hear about stars Stars? Well, I've sold my Mickey Rooney ones with Nathan Lane Dana has met every star in the book Well, I did read You know what? SNL, 130 episodes Whoops, maybe 140 Excuse me So you meet 140 stars I met Robert Mitchum. This is for the boomers. Charlton Heston. Not met. Work with them. Yeah. It's an amazing part of being on Saturday Night Live. And every band. Every band, man. Nirvana, Pearl Jam. Older ones, newer ones. Elvis Costello. The, what was the one I did where you were my writer? Whoops. Hosted. It was the MTV. Oh, the MTV VMAs. Yeah. And that was with Nirvana and stuff like that.

51:37Dana Carvey:I mean, I was a bit of a dick. I'd go in the writer's room. Guys, come on. Let's go. Oh, there he is. Jeez, you look really built up. Why are my pants on? Why are your... This is AI. AI gave you giant arms and pulled your zipper down, right? Why is Tootie looking at you like that? I might have been bricked up, so I said I need to give it a breathing room. You were never that bricked up. now my wiener like i was like i give it the levi five button stress test uh she's looking at me like well maybe why are your pants off bob dubak used to do that the guy was our landlord basically a comedian bob dubak yeah who's out with uh he's got a one-man show uh jesus uh doing stand-up it's really funny dubak i haven't seen him in a while yeah yeah he's out there it's definitely good looking he's funny he's got this really fun guy funny i like him yeah he's great all right let's wrap it up day and we want too much too much but was that really you on the tank top just because the angle you look so built up i was i used to do be able to 13 pull-ups seriously okay i used to be strong dude well the only thing i can say now is well what happened yeah what happened where's the deflate noise whoops are you taking off your coat sir yeah right at the end you're like this

53:10Dana Carvey:I just bought these on Amazon for$2 aren't you hot that's a good shirt can you see what it says though I can't I like straight what does it say Heather It doesn't say anything, does it? No, it's right there I can't see it Your laptop camera ain't never done Your grainy 8mm Hey, that's 1080p, you're a 9k No You're a 9k, loser 1080p, don't be jealous Shit This is from The Gap And The Gap If you would like to become A sponsor on this podcast ask i have a great old gap shirt from literally easily 25 i like it because it's basic i like that's a cool one yeah it's got a little stripe so it gives you a little something something but i knew you'd like it i've got a green one as well hold on i would be hot with that coat on though people are like is this over i mean it's we would say the same if it was over so we should finish unless you want to show oh this is an unboxing Heather oh that one I can read the gap yeah that's a good green anyway but yeah I make this room very cold when I come in here it's called air conditioning do you know what we used to say on Gap Girls welcome to the Gap can I tell you some crap Gap Girls was legendary Could I just get a little bit of your character?

54:49Dana Carvey:What was her name? Meg? Just do it for a second. Just do it for a second.

54:57My boyfriend last night, he's always telling me I look like I just slept on my face. That's it. That's what Sandler says. Why do you even go out with him? He says you look like you slept on your face. I go, he's really honest. He's a cancer.

55:12Dana Carvey:It was you, Sandler, and Farley, right? Farley was our manager But She was Cindy and then Schneider worked at the Donut Hut Next door Schneider And he came in with Sarah Gilbert And I go oh but isn't the Donut Hut sluts

55:34Dana Carvey:I'm writing Emmy It's between dress and air I don't know if you need the Donut Hut Sluts it's a little bit Wadey What it's funny

55:49That's all I got Give it to me I don't have any other lines He goes Schneider walks in He goes We're in the food court And he goes Oh it's the Gap Girls And they're eating again What a surprise

56:02Alright I don't want to give the whole thing away Don't give it all away Alright thanks Dana

56:10Hey guys if you're loving this podcast Which you are Be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now! Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

56:37Dana Carvey:Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet-Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewallatodyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com. Thank you.