David Flies COACH?? & The Booty Sniffer is Caught

0:00Dana, you'll never believe what happened to me on the road. Okay.

0:04Dana Carvey:A lot of stuff happens to you. So what are you talking about? I mean, you just won't believe it. It's too much. So, okay. Well, my brain goes to, is this something dire? Something fantastic? Something giggy? Great audience? You know, what's the list of what it could be? Cold, cold, cold.

0:29Dana Carvey:well welcome you're not getting any warmer fella give me something yeah oh dana you you know you know i'm out there and i'm

0:42no no i flew a coach that was it no i flew coach actually heather will you send that picture i'm going to explain this I you have to wait for this picture anyway I flew coach have you ever flown you know what coach is Dana I was born in coach that should be a that's like a country song I was you know and by the way

1:08Dana Carvey:in a minute I'm going to um show you um a billboard I'm going to show the audience which kind of a sort of about our friendship. I'll show it in one minute. I'll hang in there for that. So, but first, now that we're at 315, what do you got? You flew coach? I flew coach, but they have a way of showing you it's not coach. Look at this. So here I am in coach roughing the shit out of me. No, coach is fine. I don't mind it. I got a neck thing. So if I sit up straight, I'm fine with it. Anyway, they put this little four inch thing. I go, this cannot be what you have to separate. It used to be a curtain.

1:54Remember they go. Oh yeah. They go, hey, sorry, this is first class. Don't try to, don't try. You're not coming up here. I know.

2:06Dana Carvey:And you know, every once in a while you're up there and someone wanders through the curtain and it's like a major deed. No, you must not be yet. Oh no, no, no, no. And they have a baby and they're trying to use the first class bathroom. I go, let him in, let it in. And they're like, no. I know someone that says, I always fly coach. I walk up to first to take a dump. I'm like, no, you cannot. No. You cannot. You cannot. But I went up there just to, anyway, the flight was okay. What I'm getting at is my precious neck. I get to New York. It's fun in New York. I'll show you a video I took. I'm a bit of a street influencer.

2:46Dana Carvey:And I feel like I'm part of the audience right now. I've got videos. I've got stories. Are you going to juggle? I want to shut the fuck up. Okay. Well, I was doing a phoner. For those of you at home, a phoner is when you call in at a gig. You have to do it for most gigs just to make the city aware you're there. So I said, I'll do a phoner for Jacksonville. It was sort of a fundraiser. it was a gala for the Jacksonville hall of fame. Okay. They had Jim Furyk. They had a, that's a golfer and they had some people there. Oh yeah. Super, super fun little show. So I'm doing this phoner to the local zoo crew of, you know, Jacksonville.

3:27And then I have these stupid things on that I hate their guts. These things that stick in your ears. Yeah. And with my precious, so I wake up neck trouble already. Boop. But I don't have a show that night. I just have this phoner. I'm going to go do a set. at the stand later in New York. So the story is fucking riveting. It's riveting, right? So far. Don't go anywhere. No one at home. Pull over, skip work. So I have, if you can't watch me, I have a headset in on the phone. It quietly, there's a drawer in my desk. I'm sitting there. It's under, hooking under the drawer like this. You know what's coming.

4:08My neck hurts so bad in my middle of my hysterical interview. I get up to walk somewhere else, yanks on the drawer, yanks me down, snaps me. Oh, I fall. I land on the ground. I've fallen. And I'm pretty sure I can't get up. And these are popped out. My neck, C4 through 12 is like. And now I'm on the ground like this. And I hear, it's a zoo crew. He's still there. And I'm like this. Flatlining. It's fucking horrible. Yeah. And I'm like this, and they hear me like this, Oh, just noises. And then I go, uh, uh, then I get my bearings and I'm like this plugin plugin phone, stand up. And I'm like, hello.

4:57And they're like, David will be at the Jacksonville igloo tonight. They're still talking. I'm like, so.

5:04Dana Carvey:Tommy and the bull in here with Joe Dirt himself, David. Hey, partner. Yeah. Yeah. blacked out for a second. You all right there. You need a little. I like that. Yeah. And I'm literally full concussions. Neck snap. Now my headache's worse. And I'm like, and, and anyway, that was pretty much long and short of it, but I didn't like it. And then I got home and I got my PT, Dr. Jenna, who ripped me apart yesterday in my neck. I'm like, and I'm like, I have to work tomorrow, which is this, whatever we do. I have to work. she's like what your stupid podcast i'm like oh what did you say i know well i had similar problems like the remote wasn't working because i'm gonna watch it i was like i was gonna i was like and it wasn't working at all so then i shook it maybe the battery i opened up the thing to see if the batteries needed batteries.

6:04Dana Carvey:And I put in two new batteries. And I was watching the show and I was in a rocker and I went. Yeah, did you get hurt? I'm still in the act out. That's rocking. Going backward. Hello, darkness, my old rocker. Yeah. And then I grabbed the headphones and I reeled myself in. Like this? I'm just inspired by your sound. Jurassic Park. I'm inspired that your whole life has this soundtrack. I know. It just helps the story move along. I mean, it's funny random sound effects. Like, hey, how are you? I'll tell you one more thing. I went to dinner. And here's, you might not get this because you go to all.

6:57Dana Carvey:I don't go to dinner. You go to fancier restaurants all the time. I make dinner. Go ahead. You eat Din T. Moore beef stew out of your doomsday shelter. Well, there is a bit of doomsday shelter-ness around my environment. Dude, there's a story we're going to get to that involves you. I'm going to bring you up. Okay. And I still have this. So the quick story is the waiter's like this. So I get to the nice dinner. I go to take a bite. And the waiter goes, is everything tasting deliciously over here? and then I got to go. Oh, yep. Yep. So far. And then they come back three seconds later. They say something funny.

7:39She goes, Oh yeah. See, I think as everything scrumptious after the first bite, they have new ways of positioning it.

7:46Dana Carvey:I haven't heard that one. Yeah. That's a little pushy. It's a little pushy. Three bites of a tuna tartare later. He's like, that's one of our favorite things here. Are your taste buds jizzing all over your mouth yet? And I go, that one, that one feels like. That seems a bit. I haven't heard that one. I know. Have you ever had this one? Like they're like, oh, open up the mouth. Open up your mouth. Here comes Mr. Caboose. And they have a spoon and they start spoon feeding you Napoleon ice cream. And then I go like this. He goes, you're almost there. And then he pulls his wiener out. Dana I have to say wiener because someone made a pie chart of our podcast and it says the chunk where David says wiener and it's like 44 % of the pie chart you get a wiener and I'm surprised it's that low I think you you put you get a wiener and you don't pull it out but you get the vernacular in the podcast I'd say more like 76 % oh my god what do I say all the time like hey buddy I must What is it on his chart?

8:50What does he say? I don't have it. I don't say - People in the comments really like to go. No, I would say 97 % positive in the comments, which is very nice.

9:01Dana Carvey:I'll tell people who, first of all, watch us and like us. Thank you, first of all. Yeah. But you do this for long enough. You're kind of like, and all of a sudden, a story comes into your head. And halfway through it, you realize you told that same story 60 episodes ago. We told that between Tom Hanks and Sheryl Crow. And your brain is going. Just say it anywhere. This was doing fireworks. Oh, yeah. Let me see if I can get it. Half hour ago. What the freak? Wait. We get our screen to make fireworks. But we did it by accident and then I did it. Damn it. Life is disappointing sometimes, but we'll get to it.

9:50Well, the last thing I'll tell you, this relates to you, but it's really about me, is I position it like it's about you. I like it. You're very excited because they're doing a spinoff to one of your favorite movies.

10:04Dana Carvey:Oh, 2000. No, we are in 2010. I mean, Happy Gilmore. Oh. No, not Hal. Not Hal. No, no, no. That's my friend Tony Hopkins, right? Nope. Nope. It's this. Well, I'm going to have to fight you, Bruce Lee. However you do that. Oh, okay. They're doing like the character of Brad Pitt, Cliff Booth, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a good plan. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. Beats up Bruce Lee. Remember that? Once upon a time in Hollywood. You're kind of a pretty false stuntman. So here's a picture He's shooting it right now Oh that's him so retro They got a retro wig on him on this one Yeah is he playing me That's not you and that's not Heather They're doing Joe Dirt 2 starring Brad Pitt That's funny He's kind of got sideburns too No I guess in the show They're trying to de-age him back to the Well in the show it was the 60s So I don't really understand Well, did he have this look in the movie?

11:12Dana Carvey:No, no, he didn't have long hair Not longish hair like this Can we show a picture of him? It looks like Isa Gonzalez with him But it probably isn't That might be early 70s People like my dad hated the goddamn long hairs You know, and he would shave our heads These goddamn long hairs And then by 75 He had hair over his ears They adapt later So maybe that's Pitt in the 70s Do you think, I think he's playing a Hollywood fixer. Yeah. See there he's kind of Steve McQueen. Oh, it's more Cone. Steve McQueen. And it's, you see his ear. He's not doing the bouffant. So. I guess he has to have a little different, but I think he's got a wig because from this thing I saw on this story about, he's playing kind of a Hollywood fixer back in the day.

11:59That makes sense with his skill set. Which is interesting. Yeah. I think it's a good idea. Probably to make money. You're a stuntman. It's like, what do you do? And maybe he got old, too old to do stunts. He's out there beating people up and shit.

12:10Dana Carvey:Well, in the other movie, he wasn't getting stunt work because he's too much of a hothead. You know, he beat up Bruce Lee. So then he was the gopher. Hey, man, I'm your gopher. And I like when you're out of town, out of house sitting up there in the Hollywood Hills. Let's face it. I haven't worked as a stunt man in a long time. The way I look at it is a lot of things worse than going to Italy and making some spaghetti westerns. I don't want to go do a goddamn spaghetti western. How many have you seen? One Two Come on man Yeah Sorry I liked the movie Saw it 11 times Of course he's great The only thing is The director's really good But I don't think it's Quentin It's David Fincher Right But That's great though Quentin We're on first name basis He is a great director We should have Quentin on I don't know why we don't Why don't we Why don't you want him I When I hosted for Jimmy Kimmel I said they said who do you want I said can I get Quentin Tarantino and they said yes but I was I wanted to talk to him like on a podcast yeah you know it's all these commercial breaks and I was doing impressions of people in the movie I don't know but yeah I am a huge fan of his work we'll put out some feelers yeah we'll talk to his team your team talk to your team first speaking of movies this This is Tombstone with Val Kilmer.

13:38Dana Carvey:Can you read that? I love it. If I thought you weren't my friend, I just don't think I could bear it. So he plays Doc Holliday in this movie so brilliantly. You know, you be my Huckleberry. Whoa, if I thought you weren't my friend, I just don't think I could bear it. I love that movie. It's almost Jimmy Stewart. But this movie is incredible. Is that the one with Kurt Russell? Yeah. Because there's two. Kurt Russell. I think he does too, but Tombstone had Kurt Russell and it had Billy Bob Thornton when he was kind of chubby, plays a guy who Kurt Russell threatens in a bar. It's just great Western.

14:17Dana Carvey:And Val Kilmer is brilliant in it. His famous line I had wrong. Did you know this? His famous line I had wrong. I'll be your huckle bearer. Oh, really? I thought it was, I'll be your huckle bear. Huckleberry. Wow. Wow. If I thought we weren't friends, I don't think I'll go bad. I haven't seen the movie lately. My impression is a little wobbly. Well, I used to say I'll be your Huckleberry because he says it to a guy. Yeah. Kind of a flirty, like crazy person. They're going to go to a gunfight and try to kill each other. And it's all kind of feminine and like a high school dance. I'll be your Huckleberry.

14:53it but what it is is it's huckle bearer because that's what they called the pallbearers to carry

15:01Dana Carvey:the guy's coffin god that's amazing i've seen the movie at least five times so he it's so cool because he goes i'll be your huckleberry like i'll be one of the guys that'll carry your coffin when i kill you i'll be a huckleberry like i'll do you a favor when i kill you i'll be one of the guys that carries your coffee that's inside baseball man that's cool isn't that cool because i did not know that his accent was so dense that you just couldn't tell huh he looked like a stud cool cool cool but um really good and i'm looking forward to that cliff booth one that a quick hollywood story kind of fun so i'm doing a movie with nicholas cage and john lovitz trapped in paradise it's a it's a holiday treat no it was it was but anyway this movie tombstone is out at that time, you know, and Kurt Russell is threatening Billy Bob Thornton.

15:49Dana Carvey:Like I just mentioned the bar scene and he says, and Kurt Russell goes, you know, instead of saying, you're going to draw a gun on me, you're going to throw down boy, you're going to throw down. So that became a big running phrase between me and Nicolas Cage. If he thought I did good in a scene, he goes, oh, you threw down, man. That was, that was that. I like it. um and when does that come out uh 2081 trapped in paradise it had a lot of potential john lovitz nicholas cage and i but it's that's a whole podcast we'll bring in nicholas cage and talk and john and bring and talk about the movie eight podcast series were you ever in a stinker yeah of course i mean you don't plan to be but sometimes well movies are hard to make they're The worst part is it's hard to make the bad ones.

16:46It's still the long hours. You still have hope. You just don't know. Sometimes when you're shooting, you go, this isn't coming out like we thought. I mean, you can just tell and you go, but maybe with editing and add some funny noises and some sound and some song. There's only so much you can gussy up a pig. You can't really put much stick on it.

17:05Dana Carvey:Well, let me do a little bit inside baseball. That's twice I've mentioned on this podcast. And it's not baseball. Is that in the early 90s and 80s, some of those big classic comedies, we did not have digital film. So to make an edit, you would go and the film would be like this giant size of a tire and you'd spool it, go like that. To make an edit was a big deal. Then it was like. So I did a scene in Trapped in Paradise. I'm playing kind of a Mickey Rourke kid who's not too bright. And he's up in front of the parole officers and he gets a jawbreaker in his mouth right as they ask him a question.

17:42Dana Carvey:Yeah. So I took like I made a meal out of it, but it was hysterical in a held shot. But then I saw the edit. I was like, put the jawbreaker in and then I spit it out. It's like, boom, boom. Oh, yeah. You went for that. Editing is big in movies. It could take a comedy scene and make it unfunny. Oh, let me see. A movie that I did that thought it was okay, but ended up doing great. Well, you know, there's movies like PCU where we shot that. You might not remember this one, but it was Politically Correct University. I remember it. Yeah, I don't know if I saw it, but I remember the title. I think about it a lot now, and it comes up like on Twitter, because PCU in this day and age is almost the same movie.

18:25It holds up as far as there's different factions. There's people that are offended by everything. There's this and that. So, of course, I play the bad guy. But that one was – the funny thing about that one is it didn't do blockbuster, but it was pretty good and it hung in there over time. But Jeremy Piven, me, Jon Favreau, there's a lot of fun people in it. But when we did it, it was an R-rated movie. And I've never had that happen. So, I think that's the one where I go, open the door, fucko, when I'm looking in the door for something. And then they go, when you go in there and do the takes on the set, the last take, they say, let's do one for the airplanes.

19:08Basically for cable, airplanes, when they can't air an R-rated movie. Yeah. So what did you say? So no one even cares about this. I go, open up steakhead. Right? Whatever. That's funny. Because it's stupid and funny and like whatever. So you always do a PG airline version if you swear. and it sort of waters down but it's they need it for whatever to sell it so anyway the movie comes

19:34Dana Carvey:out is a great director i mean didn't he was not the director he was in the movie oh he's he's a great actor too yeah elf i think but anyway for me it's it's you know the the shocking thing was wayne's world for even my both mike and i that it became this global smash i mean i just thought we thought it'd be pretty good you know it's kind of funny you know i had no expectations it would take off so yeah pcu didn't really quite take off like that what year was pcu it was probably my third year of snl something like that and uh so in the i only did like three weeks on it yeah it was probably the end of the 90s and uh you know they released it when i saw it on the poster i think that's the one maybe it was senseless but and they released it as a pg-13 So they kind of rat fucked us.

20:21They used every airplane version of every take. And so I'm like, you didn't even try on those things. Yeah. So it's okay. But when you go from an R-rated movie to really watering, you go, oh, this is a different. Because we had Animal House. We had those movies we're trying to be like. And then you tamp it down. It's like.

20:40Dana Carvey:It's, you know, it's tough, you know, consistency of tone. I mean, if there's four or five directors, kind of, it can get a little messy, like each one. We should do this. We should do that. When you watch a movie, you know, we watch movies. Everyone does. Amazon Prime or Netflix. And you're watching a movie, it's three minutes. You go, what am I watching here? I mean, what's... And the good ones just grab you. I don't know. It's storytelling, I guess. It's storytelling by committee. And sometimes there's not a clear vision and it sort of gets... Turns into everybody's movie. That's how movies get kind of ruined.

21:14Yeah. Anyway, let's get this to the story.

21:17Dana Carvey:This is me when I heard the box office gross from Wayne's World 1. What is it? The opening weekend?

21:28Let me see if I can find one for you, too. This will take me too long.

21:36You're still going?