In short
The hosts debate whether modern roasts have gone too far, focusing on cruelty, X-rated material, and how “mean” jokes land differently than classic friend-roasting. They also riff on pop culture (Euphoria, The Housemaid/Housekeeper confusion), politics (Spencer Pratt running for office; Trump/Newsom/California capital talk; China-agent allegations), and viral videos (possible AI bullfighting, whale vs cigarette, jujitsu clip).
Guests
No named guest appears in the transcript. A “special guest” is teased, but no identity or background is provided.
Key claims
- Roasts are “brutal” and can eviscerate targets who “don’t know what’s coming.”
- The tone shifted from friendly celebrity roast traditions to “execution”-level humiliation.
- Some viewers criticized the Netflix roast for being too mean and for having more white writers on a black roast.
Notable examples
- References to Chevy Chase’s painful early roast experience.
- Discussion of the Michael Che comment about roast writing.
- Mentions of the Netflix roast clips and TikTok “gotcha” relationship prank.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOSilly Banter and Magic Balls
1:24 to 4:18
Dana and David engage in playful banter about a massage ball and other humorous topics.
“Apple Card users get 2 % daily cash back on purchases made in-store and online, whether it's for big ticket items or everyday purchases when they use their Apple Card with Apple Pay.”
Discussing Euphoria and Performances
4:18 to 7:48
They share thoughts on the show Euphoria, discussing performances and characters.
“They call them sexy thrillers, fatal attraction and so forth.”
Regrets and Acting Choices
7:48 to 9:40
Dana reflects on his past acting choices and humorous regrets from his youth.
“When I, I will tell you that in Sydney Sweeney in Euphoria, I was thinking of the, oh, she plays a piggy in Euphoria.”
Euphoria's Controversial Scenes
9:40 to 12:44
Discussion about specific scenes in Euphoria and their appropriateness.
“And the peak of your physical prime, how many pushups could you do?”
Piers Morgan and Humor in Serious Topics
12:44 to 14:00
They touch on Piers Morgan and use humor to discuss serious subjects.
“I want to give you some love on that one.”
Discussion on Humor in TV Shows
14:00 to 15:10
The hosts critique the appropriateness of certain humor in shows like Euphoria.
“He always jumps in and says something stupid.”
Roasts and Their Impact
15:10 to 16:40
A discussion about the nature of comedy roasts and their effects on individuals.
“So, David Spade, you're talking about the TV show Euphoria for like 20 minutes.”
Critique of Extreme Comedy
16:40 to 17:11
Piers Morgan shares his discomfort with the harshness of modern comedy roasts.
“I said, is that what the Americans like?”
Nostalgia for Classic TV
17:11 to 18:25
The hosts reminisce about I Dream of Jeannie and its humor in comparison to today.
“He's like, oh, no, you could make my bed and maybe a lemonade.”
Commentary on Spencer Pratt
21:03 to 24:20
Discussion about Spencer Pratt's recent political aspirations and his lifestyle.
“Download the free app today and make the most of your summer with AllTrails.”
Show all 25 chapters
The Nature of Political Fame
24:20 to 25:54
Exploring the challenges and dangers of political fame in today's environment.
“That's what I was getting at is the ad shows he's like standing in front of the airstream, which I'm sure he is real because he put that on there after it burned down because they don't know where to go.”
Reflections on Political Figures
25:54 to 27:38
The hosts share insights on various political figures and their lifestyles.
“I can't say the comments I'm about to get for my hair.”
Upcoming Events and Performances
27:38 to 28:00
The hosts discuss upcoming performances and events, wrapping up their session.
“Wendover is the place I almost got killed In the private jet In Nevada?”
The Brutality of Roasts
28:20 to 29:50
Dana and David discuss the harsh realities and personal impacts of roast comedy.
“And just getting out Getting a Diet Coke And watch the magic from the wings That'd be you I go, you're up, guy Let's go You're blabbing I know, hold on a sec There's a special guest Hello How are you guys doing?”
Evolution of Roasts: From Fun to Painful
29:50 to 31:20
The hosts reflect on the evolution of roast comedy and its increasing brutality.
“They were, it was all kind of a happy thing.”
Strategies for Surviving a Roast
31:20 to 33:00
David shares his humorous strategies for handling being roasted.
“You would get a lot of money to be roasted.”
Analyzing a Recent Roast
33:00 to 35:00
The conversation shifts to a recent roast, discussing jokes, performances, and participants.
“Rough, rough It's just that, yeah, whatever It's raising money for a charity, right?”
Reflection on Audience Reactions
35:00 to 36:40
Discussion on how audience reactions can influence the nature of roasts and performances.
“But, you know, Kevin Hart, he's been on on those shows a lot, right?”
Personal Stories and Travel Tales
36:40 to 39:20
Dana shares a personal travel story and his experiences at the airport after a long flight.
“I was going to ride shotgun with you to the brunch, but my back, I don't get back stuff.”
Buzzing Around Segment Introduction
39:20 to 40:10
The hosts transition into a comedic segment featuring King Charles.
Improv Comedy with King Charles
40:20 to 42:00
The hosts engage in an improvised comedy skit featuring King Charles and other characters.
“Find 5R Energy shots online at 5Renergy.com Where I'm on today Now, you want King Charles, you want two others?”
Exploring Predecessors and Raft Humor
42:00 to 44:05
The hosts engage in a whimsical dialogue about predecessors and humorous scenarios involving rafts and fights.
“I mean, the predecessors before you, Jack Dempsey and others, they're predecessors.”
Bullfighting and AI Discussions
46:06 to 49:06
A lively conversation about new trends in bullfighting, AI's influence, and humorous personal anecdotes.
“Thanks for the assist, Heather, with the receptionist character.”
Political Scandals and Cultural Commentary
49:06 to 54:36
Insightful discussions about political scandals, including a California mayor and societal infiltration by foreign powers.
“Why does Mike Tyson know anything about Ernest Hemingway?”
Ratatouille and Sound Effects Comedy
54:36 to 56:00
The hosts share comedic thoughts about the film Ratatouille and humorous sound effect performances.
“Where'd you get it from fucking Mickey Mouse?”
Transcript
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2:23Dana Carvey:Don't be jealous of my massage ball. See this? David has a sore neck or back. Look now. Watch. It's like magic. Watch. Just watch. Watch what I'm doing. There. Now I lean back. What's up your butt? That's where mine is. I lost it. I'm only laughing because how did you know that? It's a magician. You go like this. Here. Which reminds me. See it? See it? Yeah. Where is it? Okay. I'll probably do all this tech stuff while we're on. Listen. Is that a piggy? Yeah, it is a little piggy. That's what you do when we're trying to get extra jokes out of a bit. Getting a little wanky. do you pig you have a pig that's all i got it's more like a warthog or something that's too hard that's too hard to get my nose involved um yeah anyway i was saying are we all set yeah we're already going the uh whoops the thing about that magic ball that reminded me of euphoria you know euphoria is that show yeah of course Sidney Sweeney in the hunt.
3:41What's that mean for an Oscar in the hunt?
3:44Dana Carvey:I mean, you know, she's so brilliant. I mean, my God. You're watching that, Phil? No, I don't see that. You know me. I'm a housekeeper guy. I watched that. Oh, yeah. The housekeeper. Right. I because when you love a movie and you're seeing all the performances and all the machinations, I saw it for a third time. Sorry. On the airplane. Shit. Horn dog. They're both gorgeous. That's a good, weird movie. I like it. We've talked about it. Yeah, we talked all about it. But I think it's no surprise. It's like three or four hundred million globally. It's not even a cartoon. It's just a cool way. They call them sexy thrillers, fatal attraction and so forth.
4:26Dana Carvey:But this one has that third act where you kind of go, what, what, what, what? Yeah. What is happening? Okay, I've got a quiz for you Don't answer till the end Okay Is it called The maid The housekeeper The housekeeping Or the housemaid Or the maidkeeper It's something like one of them I don't even know which one's right Well, off the top of my head I think it's called Hey, keeping your house But housekeeper I think it's just housekeeper Is it called Housekeeper? When I look on Box Office Mojo And you click on it I'll just see Oh, is it called that? Because I thought it was called The Housemaid or something Where I go I don't think this is a word Everyone uses Even if it's a compound word Right I mean, they went through So many titles You know, we interviewed Paul Feig, the director Oh, that's right One was Yo, you keeping that house?
5:24Dana Carvey:Remember that one? I thought One was The clean it up person Yeah, yeah Bitches Bitches Be Vacuuming. Remember that one? That one, that was, that was In-N-Out. They barely even considered that. In-N-Out was there for a minute too. It's a huge list. Oh, it's The Housemaid, right? I never would've guessed that. Oh, really? All this time. Even when I got out on the airplane, I put in Housekeeper. No, it's that you, I put in Big Boob Girls That Clean the Stairs and it was like, oh that movie that we want and then it put in some alts i was like no not those what is that i'm sorry i don't i'm from another time in space uh yeah um amanda what's the actress's name the place amanda siegfried without roy yeah yeah siegfried her last name is hard and we're not getting it right but i'll get me some siegfrieds And fries on the side She is so fucking amazing Yeah she's great And they're both stunning And then they're both good Which is a good combo And who's the other guy?
6:34Chris Hemsworth? Is that who it is? The main
6:35Dana Carvey:No the main Crazy Stud husband Heather We gotta give him some sugar I think it's Chris Hemsworth No No It's not Chris Hemsworth Really? No Heather Sorry hold on Heather Sleep at the wheel I went off the page Oh goodness Until then I'll tell you she's on Brendan
7:05Brendan Brendan That's a real household name You know they used to say don't change your name for Hollywood I think we bring that back Brendan
7:15Dana Carvey:I was really hyped it up I would reverse it It's Glenar Brendan. I think that's a better thing. Sometimes just a reverser. Like if he was Spade David. I know. He'd be huge. Spade isn't bad, but if I was him, I honestly would go by Brandon Brendan. And that would be cool. People are like, are you Brandon Brendan? He's like, you mixed it up. I just want to say he's Oscar worthy too. All three of them should have gotten nominated. Fuck the Academy, man. The bigger star guy, the Mexican guy, was playing the Gardner. He's actually a pretty big star. He's great too And all he's doing is in the window like this And you go He's coming into this at some point Yeah, he was great casting For the staring, creepy gardener Who hasn't had You know, you're just in the kitchen having breakfast And the gardener's right up against the window Like this, just staring at you Even housekeeping I seem like this They're staring at me Well Well, some housekeepers don't really see dirt, you know, if you don't have really good glasses.
8:25When I, I will tell you that in Sydney Sweeney in Euphoria, I was thinking of the, oh, she plays a piggy in Euphoria. Does she? That made me think of it.
8:36Dana Carvey:Was it sexual role play? Okay. Give me the one liner. What is Euphoria for our - Here's the 2000 liner. What? Sandaya, which I say her name wrong. She's cool. great actress she i know she's it's really these two stories this season it's okay they uh is involved in a drug ring and sydney sweeney needs money with her new marriage so she's doing only fans so only fans oh very trendy hip thing to talk about but she obviously doesn't mind a little bit of nudity so it makes it more realistic a lot of actresses would play that but not well really let Let me ask you if you have any regrets. Like when you were like someone in their 20s, like if I was, I should have had my, I should have been really naked in a lot of movies in my 20s because I was just ripped.
9:27For sure.
9:28Dana Carvey:And I regret it. In Police Academy 4, they go, can you skateboard? I said, yes. And I said, they said, any questions? And I go, I'm willing to go full frontal. And they said, okay, well, it's PG-13, but it's taken under consideration. DVD extras, you know. That's what I said. I said, I'm just throwing it out there. It could be for DVD extras. It could be for during the credits. And the peak of your physical prime, how many pushups could you do? Probably barely a thousand. You know, 13 pull-ups, that's adorable. Now, let me ask you a question. It's actually hard, folks, at home. Well, let me ask you a question.
10:08Dana Carvey:Did they allow you to do this motion where you go up like that, or are you just going straight up? It was, I don't think they were these, which are easier. That's called chin-ups. Oh, stop it. Oh, there's a different name. These are easier because you're using full bicep. Yes. These, I get my broad shoulders involved. But did you go straight up and down? This is high school, right? Okay. They let me step on a box to do it, so took some of the weight off. Well, then you did Dana's perplexed. No, but when I go to the gym, there's something called the Gravitron. God dang it. I wish I had one. Well, I just.
10:49The Gravitron is something where you go, you step on a platform and you put the pin in and say, it's not percentages, but you say. Counterweight. Basically, counterweight. Yeah. So I put my body weight at about 13 pounds and then I go. And you're still straight. And it's easier. Yeah. But I can do about five of those.
11:10Dana Carvey:Then I put it to four pounds. Right. Because say you weigh 150. Let's just do a little quick arithmetic for you. You weigh 150 and you go down the thing and put it in a hundred pounds counterweight. How much actual weight are you pulling up?
11:32What's that one? I have no idea. Someone's being stabbed. Don't make me bring mine out. but on euphoria long story long okay let's go back sydney sweeney says this little piggy she's knows guys are in the feet so she's you know pain then she puts her toes in her mouth and like everyone's like this then she does something which i didn't even know even though i'm a creep i didn't know that a lot of guys like uh oh i there's something it's called something where she's bigger than life so she does something in a set that looks like she's huge and goes up to a guy and pushes her boobs against the glass naked and like like the uh attack of the 50 foot woman that old movie that you remember when you were about 30.
12:2230?
12:23Dana Carvey:No it's not rude I love I love my age look it up no I saw that in the 60s probably wasn't in a 50s movie. It wasn't Raquel Welch, was it? No. She was in 1 million B.C. 1 million B.C. Ever seen it? She's in a fur bikini. Yeah, 1 million boners per capita. Good one. That was quick. I want to give you some love on that one. Thank you. That's a horse. Is this live from your back? That's a rooster, brother. Here's what I really thought of your presentation today
13:05You're just gambling with these You just push a different button
13:10Dana Carvey:It costs like$1.50 It works brilliantly You're from Montana where men are men and sheep are nervous I'm from Montana where men are men And then there's David Spade And then you got a little hip squeak wait so euphoria euphoria am i still talking about euphoria i want to play a bad guy like a drug dealer like a real real prick on euphoria just no jokes just being an asshole i think it'll be good let's let's put that in the ether that you need that sort of cast i like that we'll do that after grown-ups and uh also um zendaya she has to do she has to mule coke over the border so they put it in balloons you know i mean like this and i'm like this is going to be good acting where she dips them in westland oil and sticks them up her boo hole right because i think that's how you do it that's how i do it so instead she dips them in um some sort of oil and then she swallows them and pushes them down it's around my rough it does look like she's doing it she's not doing it dana you don't understand is are you think this appropriate for children to have a woman oh no Oh, Piers Morgan is here?
14:24Piers Morgan's back. Hold on. Where is he? Grab it. Grab it. Where's the stick? I like Piers Morgan. This is going to be funny. He always jumps in and says something stupid.
14:34Dana Carvey:I didn't do a fucking thing wrong. No, that's right. This is Dr. Tony Fauci. And from the bottom of my all new leather Fauci's, go fuck yourself. I like, did you see the video of the cruise ship where you see someone coming out of the room like this and it's Fauci. Oh, really? And he goes, oh, I'm not supposed to be here. Because I'm just supposed to start this disease and leave on a little raft. Hey, man, I just make fun of everybody. Get over it, people. But here we are. So, David Spade, you're talking about the TV show Euphoria for like 20 minutes. There are 40-minute podcasts. It must be very important to you to see a woman act like a piggy and suck her own thumb, her own feet.
15:25Dana Carvey:Is that what you find funny? You think people enjoy that? Is that your goal in life is to do gross wiener jokes and butthole references? I mean, sort of, but I feel like euphoria is really, they always say pushing the limits, but it doesn't mean it's in a great way. Like, I don't mind that storyline. I don't think it's that sexy. It's just sort of interesting that she's trying to make money and she's on a stream. And so they tapping into what's going on lately. But I think the other story is a little better about Zendaya is getting involved in this drug ring because she's in way over her head.
15:57Is that what you find amusing? Oh, boy. Something euphoria. You went right back to that, Pierce.
16:03Dana Carvey:Is that? It's not amusing. It's more supposed to be sexual. Do you ever do jokes that don't have sort of an X-rated sort of sensibility to them? Can you do just like, you know, the duck cross the road type jokes? I know, I don't really. This is a real gotcha moment for me. I guess they're all dirty. Piers, did you see the roast? Yes, I watched it and then I had to turn it off. It's got a stomachache, got nauseous. That's a lot of X-rated, really expensive stuff. Why is it funny to have grown men and women try to bring each other down in such an X-rated fashion? Is that what the Americans like now?
16:44Dana Carvey:Is that what you're all about? That's a good question. I said, is that what the Americans like? Oh, my God. I was thinking. You like to think, don't you? Pierce, did you think it was too racial or do you think it was too mean, maybe? Well, I don't find it funny when people are truly sad and embarrassed at the hands of a lethal comedian with five or six writers writing inappropriate stuff that goes right to the core of a human being. I'd rather watch I Dream of Jeannie reruns You know that show Oh yeah I know it You're like Major Healy going Hey Jeannie why don't you make your tongue six feet long And lick my nuts from the kitchen I can't Dana that was a Dice Clay joke I thought it was so funny Oh Dice the greatest I love Dice You ever see I Dream of Jeannie And a lot of people in the audience are like Not really we're younger and he goes Major Healy, he's always like, oh, Jeannie.
17:44She's like, can I do anything? He's like, oh, no, you could make my bed and maybe a lemonade. What are you, an idiot? Jeannie says, can I do anything? You know what, Jeannie? You can. How about you make your tongue eight feet long and lick my balls from the kitchen? On tour now with John Lovitz, by the way. Run and get your tickets. I'm going to see him and I'm going to tell him, do that joke. He's so funny. I know. Oh yeah. He's out with Lovitz a lot. Lovitz was at the Chris Rock, which we should say in our sister podcast.
18:23Dana Carvey:Right. Our other podcast where we have a guest. Chris Rock. We filmed it live at the Orpheum maybe. And it's out right now. Right. It's out right now. Lovitz came to watch. We had a big crowd. It was a lot of fun. and Chris Rock was high hysterical as usual. Hey, John, I like your jacket. Jealous? No, not really. Not jealous. John was in full form. Do you know all, he likes blue, which I do too. And all his cars are blue. And most of them have a flat tire or at least. And his balls. They sit in the front. I'm kidding.
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21:13Oh, I saw this Spencer Pratt. They're giving him shit now that we're talking about the election downtown. Spencer Pratt from a reality show. It falls into showbiz, but.
21:24Dana Carvey:He's from the hill. He's from the hills, but you know, 20 years ago Like a lot of people 20 years ago So, but he is trying I don't know if he's going to win, I don't know if he's that good I don't know, I just know it's very interesting To see like a guy out of the blue come in Yeah And shake it up, because LA, there is some fixes we could do There is definitely some fixes It's not perfect, never will be perfect But they were Busting his balls Sorry, was Lauren in there? Yeah, there's no such thing as utopia Oh, that's a good thing for Lauren to add. I like that. He's just waiting for something else to say.
22:07Dana Carvey:It's okay to have a lull in a podcast when there's 3 million that they could click to. Yeah. You know what? You don't need to talk over each other. Give it some air. Give it some space. so he lives in an airstream which funnily enough when i used to roll with sean penn he he had one in malibu yeah he had one because when he lived with madonna which some people are too young to remember that their house burned down it was like an acre in malibu on the mountain and one time we went out there and i was like i thought your house burned down i think i saw on he goes no I still love it so he had an Airstream and he just drove out in the middle of this burnt acre and parked in front of an Airstream he's like want some flap JX so that's what Spencer has and he didn't add where he goes yeah Sean was like you know what he did he played a cassette of Jewel because Jewel was directing her video I think dating her and wanted me to hear Anyway, that gives you the timeline.
Read the full transcript
23:18So here's Spencer Pratt. It just reminded me of that Airstream. Right. And he said, here's where I live. Here's where Karen Bass and all the other people live. Right. Mansions, you know. They say mansions for like$3 million. Meanwhile, those aren't for sure mansions we picture in real life.
23:36Dana Carvey:When does a big ass house become a mansion? Five seconds. I think it's not what you think as a kid with like 20 rooms and like that. I said five seconds. Oh, fuck. I think 20 rooms.
23:52Wrong. I hate that I like the piggy.
23:55Dana Carvey:Well, I don't know why I picked the piggy. It seems to have an overarching meaning about a lot of things. Here's what I saw, and I don't know if anything's true, blah, blah, blah, is when the fire happened, house burnt down, I'm sure he had an airstream and he came out of it. But then I guess, unless it's bogus, he now lives at the Bella Hotel and his family lives in someplace else. Right. That's what I was getting at is the ad shows he's like standing in front of the airstream, which I'm sure he is real because he put that on there after it burned down because they don't know where to go. But TMZ asked him, popped him on it, and he said, oh, well, I don't really live anywhere.
24:36So I can say I live there because that's what I own. I stay at the Bel Air Hotel for last month Because of Because of death threats Which is possible If he just sits there People can just drive up Right up to him and beat him up
24:50Dana Carvey:Well once he got Now Once it's political A new kind of fame In the political arena Political is very scary You gotta be able to Wear a Kevlar jacket Under your t-shirts And he has security now And I saw a picture of that And then his Maybe his kids are up in Santa Bar Fine It is It's a half a gotcha but I have to say when you're starting to do well, there's someone else here running and you know how it is when people start to do well, one side or the other is going to go, we'll take care of that. And then they dig a little harder and try to make sure no one gets too ahead of the race. And so both sides are really, it's a bloodbath here and also for governor, you know?
25:30Dana Carvey:Yeah. Politics is a brutal thing to go into. I really kind of amazed how thick skinned people get with the constant, you know, like Bill O 'Reilly said about Trump, he can take more punishment than anybody else. Just just as far as just the onslaught of hate. I couldn't take it. I can't I can't even read the comments saying your hair wasn't good today. I'd roll up. I can't say the comments I'm about to get for my hair. And most of them are not for me. I will say not to defend Trump. So when he was building, of course, everything I say is probably not true but when he was building that addition to the white house he says okay ballroom i'm building it with everyone's mad but i'm paying for it when obama did it and friends yeah and me and my friends and donors great yeah so you can't get mad but lately i think it's moved to tax dollars so i think that's a trick because they're giving gavin newsome shit because the state capitals being built for a billion it seems high um both of them when you get to a billion seem high for a big house uh a big whatever it is state capital or the white house it's all but i think well it must be a security thing with bunkers and shit that that's got to be i don't understand uh so i do think trump shouldn't have said that at that addendum of like Like, oh, now it's going to be taxpayers.
27:00Dana Carvey:I had not heard that. Governor Jerry Brown just lived in like a little apartment or something. I don't think he lived in where the mansion. Yeah, he lived in like a little house. That guy was. Leave that to Gigi Pink. He was the real deal. Okay. Now he lives up in northern Nevada in some kind of track of land. We'll take that little bottom triangle of Nevada. He made a hut out of hickory. And that's his main abode Just give me whatever little rocket man lives in Just a little shit shack A little stabbing cabin Get up there near Wendover You can go drop a couple silver dollars What's Wendover? Wendover is the place I almost got killed In the private jet In Nevada?
27:47Dana Carvey:Yeah, there's a casino You can fly into Salt Lake City And drive an hour and a half And there's a casino in Nevada Way, way up north I'm sure I played it. It's a toddle in town. You probably have. You'd remember it. I'm going to Yuma, Arizona. Beep, beep. Hi. I'm from Arizona. Gosh, scraping the bottom of the barrel. I think you're going with me. Are we doing Yuma? Are we doing Yuma? What? No, we're doing - It's literally down by Mexico and California. It's right - Well, wait a minute. I don't know if I have that in my calendar. You're doing it. You're doing an hour 20, and I'm doing three minutes.
28:22Dana Carvey:I'm opening it up with a hot seven. And just getting out Getting a Diet Coke And watch the magic from the wings That'd be you I go, you're up, guy Let's go
28:36Dana Carvey:You're blabbing I know, hold on a sec There's a special guest Hello How are you guys doing? That guy looks like Epstein But it's not him I'm not Brian Epstein, you silly fool From the Beatles? I used to manage the Beatles Yes Yes I used to manage the Beatles Now I manage my mustache Jealous Can you grow a mustache like this I look like Jeffrey Epstein It's the bane of my existence But I'm not him And I'm not in witness protection By itch Dana did you see the roast by the way He doesn't respond I was going along with it That's worse than the pig reaction No I was laughing The roast Yeah I've seen clips Yep Anything jump out to you The comments I got after were a little mean And sometimes not really jokey They're just really rough And then Michael Che said It shouldn't be where a lot of A black roast with more white writers So I mean I think you can always dig in And find something negative But roasts are fucking brutal Don't even get involved it's just so brutal you don't want to be in there you don't want to be in the room you don't want to be i thought they shouldn't have had those actresses there because i i feel like netflix was like hey you should do the roast it'll be fun you don't know much about it but it's a big event and you can make fun of people and then they just get eviscerated they don't even know what's coming it's like yeah i mean you know again i grew up with the sort of uh jimmy stewart dean martin Rose.
30:17Dana Carvey:Those were great. They were, it was all kind of a happy thing. But at one point, Rose jumped the shark and went downtown into what is the foulest most, like the first time I saw one and really watched, it was Chevy Chase. That's the one that we're doing. And then I saw the camera and I could tell there was pain in his eyes. And I thought, is this like an execution or something? This is not friendly, funny. Chevy, you fall down a lot. It was like. Right. So it went from Sinatra getting roasted by Don Rickles, his friends, you know, Paul Newman, huge stars, John Wayne. It went to Chevy was the first one.
30:56I think they just hired assassins when it's not a friend. Right. Just a good road comic. And they're like this next comic. And they're like, hey, Chevy, you fucking asshole. And he's like. Me, who's this guy? And then it's like over and over what a piece of shit you are. And then you go, this kind of lost the fun.
31:16Dana Carvey:Yeah, I know. Well, I should probably announce this, that I did sign up to be roasted. You would get a lot of money to be roasted. Right. But here's my strategy, and tell me what you think about it. So there are, hey, your movie's bomb, this and that. I will just pretty much cry the entire time. Ah, yeah. What happened to you? Why are you even saying this, man? I'll just be in tears. I'll roll in a ball and just cry the entire 90 minutes. What do you think, Heather? I like it. I would say this. If I get roasted the whole time, they'll have a mic. I mean, let's hear this. Sticks and stones. I make my bones worse.
31:58Sticks and stones.
31:59Dana Carvey:Yeah, but how about this? Like roast me. Just say anything. Hey, Dana, that's a dumb plant. Shut up. Just shut your face, man. I don't like you, you fucker. I mean, that's me at the roast. Okay, give me one. I'll give you one. Hey, David Spade, you're Joe Dirt, not. This roast is over. And then I walk out. Here's me on the roast, right? Okay, to roast me. Okay, hey, Dana, I guess you like five our energy. You have three boxes. And then you have to imagine me in an ejection seat. I'm like, what'd you say? And I just hit the ceiling I'm not gonna sit and take it Fuck no There you go Well definitely you bring two or three of these You could play that after every roast joke they do against you Yeah But there were some good jokes I have to say this roast, I'm not saying it was Chevy Chase It was a good roast I only saw about an hour, but you see the clips and you go Oof Rough, rough It's just that, yeah, whatever It's raising money for a charity, right?
33:07sort of oh sorry I think Kevin Hart gets paid well that Chelsea Handler took it Chelsea looked I thought she looked great I mean she was really again I don't even know if I would have gone about Chelsea she's funny but and she did some good jokes it's just when you start everyone's like sort of when I went to the roast they were lasered on Ann Coulter and after the roast I remember that one because she joined in late someone fell out And Martha Stewart was funny.
33:38Dana Carvey:Was that one of the two? One of them. I don't think she was on mine. Because you don't expect her. Go ahead. Yeah. What happened is someone fell out like three days before. And I think they just said, hey, this will be a way to promote your book. I don't think she knew what she was getting into because if you like her or not, it was really rough. And even after, I think Jeff Ross told me, he said, you're lucky because there was more jokes toward you because you haven't done a roast yet. And then they all, a lot of them switched to her when she joined. Like all the like, oh, let's get her instead.
34:12And so I couldn't even handle anything. I was like this. Do you really think that? No, no. Do you really think that? Because some of those stay with you. When you hear an angle of something that, like if you didn't know something about yourself and then everyone's doing that joke and you're like, I wasn't even aware of that.
34:33Dana Carvey:Well, that's the thing. They're holding up a mirror and you're kind of like, you don't know what your contemporaries really think about you. And so they're going for your weakest points. And you're like, oh, so this is like with Chevy. They were brutal that way. It feels Roman gladiator. Yeah. Yeah. And so the more cruelty is like, yeah, the audience is going crazy. Yeah. You know, it's not a career of someone if they're really rough. They're like, you got them. You got them. You took them down, man. We like to see our perform. But, you know, Kevin Hart, he's been on on those shows a lot, right?
35:07Dana Carvey:This is the first time he was like he gets roasted a lot. So it felt like he kind of it was going to be 80 percent short jokes. But I like clever jokes. There's some real clever jokes. Yeah. Good, good comedy. Good jokes is always good. But is it still on Netflix? So they kind of moved it, moved it on. It's live. That's why the only negative is it like three hours because they don't they used to edit them. Now they don't. They're live. So there's some fat in there. But here's a good nagging thing they do on TikTok. Heather might have seen this one. I liked it. Tiki who? Talk to you what? It's where you make someone feel bad, but you act like you're not.
35:42So the guy asked his girlfriend, hey, if you could change anything about yourself besides the obvious, what would you change? And she goes, oh, wait, besides what? And she goes, well, just besides the obvious. What would you change if you could change one thing? And she goes, what's the obvious? And he goes, no, besides that, anything. And she goes, wait, what is what's the obvious? Yeah. Is there something that everyone thinks? He goes, yeah, yeah, but not that. And he got her going for about a good 40 seconds before she goes, hey, fuck you. Like, but it is kind of funny because you say so if someone said to me, I would go.
36:21There's a lot here that you could get. I know.
36:24Dana Carvey:Well, there's an old saying that I think is very wise. um people other people's opinions of me are none of my business well that's not bad i don't care think what you want i don't care i'm called the teflon man no i'm not your rubber i'm glue what you do to me i do to you is that how that goes when people say uh i say move and they say make me i go i don't make trash i burn it and then everyone goes oh snap i love the world you live in the roast comedy store the comedians bobby lee's running around bobby lee the shane gillis coming out there the netflix uh posse that you couldn't make the brunch and you really did want to make the brunch i do i was gonna make the brunch i was ready to go to the brunch we did a podcast at your house.
37:20Dana Carvey:I was going to ride shotgun with you to the brunch, but my back, I don't get back stuff. Don't, you know, how did that go? By the way, the guy was extraordinary. Dr. Parker. Oh, he was. Yeah. Extraordinary. He did stuff, you know, he did stuff to me. I'll never forget. And then he also did some chiropractic work. That's a joke. everything you say is x-rated no he he did stuff like you and it really worked you lay down on a table and then he puts a belt around you like you're strapped in and then the table starts to separate like you're in a torture chamber in 15th century rome but just in a very gentle way open your back up yeah yeah and then it really opened everything up and then i you know he uh you still had to drive didn't you or fly well then i drove i flew after that six hours i flew to new york and i did a corporate i did a gig the next night and then i flew back and then i'm meeting matt uh at departures i go like we okay we planned it so i'm going through american airlines i'm walking like a mile just i i'm following people i guess i'll go left i guess go there.
38:38Dana Carvey:I don't know where I am. And then I see, okay, I got to go up. So I see an escalator coming down. Oh, great. There's escalators. Then I see the escalator that was going to go up. And I mean, really up like 200 feet. It's broken. Then I see a staircase, 200 stairs straight up. I'm kind of adrenalized. I'm pretty strong. I'm pretty tough, but anyway, so I had a really heavy suitcase and I just went up and it felt really good because I was Sitting for six hours. Now it's a little bit tweaked. But it was very good. It was very good. Okay. I am glad you're feeling a little better. Oh, we got to do buzzing around.
39:16Dana Carvey:Buzzing around. Okay. I want to do, and this is live in our thing. I want to do King Charles. The dog? King Charles from Great Britain. I mean, the dog. There's a dog named King Charles That bullies other dogs King Charles on a live raft Or isolated somewhere And who else might be with King Charles What's Heather's hair doing in the frame She's fixing She's finding She's a prel girl Alright You can keep going Oh I have to introduce it So you're going to do King Charles and who else Well who would be very Not you wouldn't expect with King Charles Arnold Arnold and King Charles It's time for Buzzing Around Dana Buzzing Around Sponsored by 5R Energy With a wide variety of bold flavors to choose from You get as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee But with zero sugar, zero crash Find 5R Energy shots online at 5Renergy.com Where I'm on today Now, you want King Charles, you want two others?
40:28Dana Carvey:Yeah, I wanted King Charles because I saw him do the address to Congress and I just like doing him now. This is such an intense accent. Okay. On a life raft. On a life raft with, let's say, the receptionist at your doctor. And, well. Oh, no. I'm going to have to call the doctor. That's right. She's going to say a lot of that. Okay. The receptionist character, King Charles. Oh, and Tyson. Oh, yeah. Okay. Tyson, the receptionist, and King Charles on a life raft. Yeah. There we go. Buzzing around. Here we go. Take one. You know, it's so strange that here we find ourselves in the middle of the ocean.
41:17Dana Carvey:There's no way around, no parallel, no way to retrieve ourselves inland. Right, receptionist lady? Oh, we're in the middle of the ocean. I'm going to have to call the doctor Maybe you could call the doctor Mike Tyson You know I'm not calling the doctor What are you going to do about it What do you mean I'm not going to call the doctor Oh I like it I like this What are you going to do about it Oh he wants to fight her Hold on Mr. Michael Tyson I love your boxing matches and of all the boxers in history, you're one of the best. I mean, the predecessors before you, Jack Dempsey and others, they're predecessors.
42:07Dana Carvey:Jake Sullivan. I don't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about? The predecessors? Pre-what? The predecessors. I didn't go. I got a third grade education. What are you talking about? I don't know about the predecessors, but your predecessors, Perhaps we could throw you in the ocean With some kind of buoy or rope around you And you could swim to the shore With the strength in your muscles Yeah, I'm not going to jump out of the raft In the middle of the Pacific You're not jumping out of the raft Well, no, he's not jumping out of the raft Yeah, what are you going to do about it?
42:46Dana Carvey:You're going to call one of my peniscessors? I don't mean to bring our relationship to fisticuffs Fisticuffs? But what are you going to do about it I'm not going to say to you Put up your dukes like a physicist Dukes What are you going to do about it What are you going to do about it What are you going to do What are you going to do about it The more you say that The more I want to punch you in your schnocks He's baiting him into a fight Yeah, go ahead, punch me in my nose What do you think you're going to do about it What are you going to do about it Oh, you're on a tape loop You must be dehydrated I'm gonna call the doctor That's right Yes, call the doctor, Jolio And remember, always In the life raft with Mike Tyson There's nothing he's gonna do that you say And he's going to always say to you Like his predecessors Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?
43:40Dana Carvey:I mean, what are you gonna do about it? Where's the piggy at the end? What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do? Hey, I think we've got something to eat Look at this Look at this Just jumped into the raft Oh good, jolly good I love pork just like my Predecessors Oh man Thank you, that was A good buzzing around With no prep Sponsored by 5-Hour Energy's tasty caffeine flavors Enjoy big flavor In a tiny bottle, 5-Hour Energy shots Pack the flavors of the season Portable, 2-ounce shot 5-Hour Energy shots pack the flavors Of the season portable find five our energy shots online at energy.com or amazon today oh you got it right there okay make every get together chill this memorial day get up to an extra thousand dollars off select top brand appliances like lg plus get free delivery at the home depot tackle pool towels and camp laundry with a large capacity washer.
44:49And host in style with the fridge serving craft ice, mini craft ice, cubed ice, and crushed ice. Shop appliance savings now through June 3rd at The Home Depot. Offer valid May 14th through June 3rd, U.S. only. Free delivery on appliance purchases of$998 or more. See store online for details.
45:06Dana Carvey:This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips? That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19 ,000 local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs. So you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride. Download the State Farm app or go online at statefarm.com. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. This episode is brought to you by Netflix. The Four Seasons is back for Season 2, starring Tina Fey, Will Forte, Coleman Domingo, Marco Calvani, Carrie Kenny-Silver, and Erica Henningsen.
45:44Dana Carvey:After a difficult year, your favorite group of friends continues their tradition of vacationing together, now with a baby in tow. From the Jersey Shore to upstate New York and Italy, their getaways are sure to take unexpected turns where comedy ensues. Watch the four seasons May 28th only on Netflix.
46:05Yeah, let's do a couple stories because we're already running late.
46:08Dana Carvey:Yeah, we're always running late. That was a good one. I liked it. I liked it. Thanks for the assist, Heather, with the receptionist character. Yeah, it was always funny. And Tyson. Thank you. I like that Tyson, if he got dehydrated or there was a fight, that they would have to call the doctor. What are you going to do about it? Okay. This is a baseball one. I don't know what it is. Oh, no, it's bullfighting. Oh, holy shit. Is that real? This is a new thing they do, yeah. Wow. It finally brings some fun back to bullfighting. They always wear white. You can see the blood when they get gored. They don't have a cape or anything.
46:49Dana Carvey:They're just gymnasts now. Dude. There's no deception? Mary Lou Retton? Wow. Look at how cool that is. I know you're going to say it's AI. You know what? I think it could be AI. It could be, but they say... I'm not sure. This is Listen, they need this to bring back bullfighting It's getting a little stale What's the vertical? What's the vertical? Let's see Okay I don't know if I would stand there and do a standing back So maybe it's AI I mean, I would go on a bullring and I'd tussle with it I'd grab its horns and try to wrestle it to the ground But I don't know if I'd try to do a backflip over its head Well, first of all, is it AI?
47:31Dana Carvey:Five seconds I don't know because everything's AI So really, this is going to be I'm saying this is going to get all the way to court where you say we have a video of you committing a crime and you just say it could be AI. And then you walk free. Yeah. And you just go, you know, Judge, I've enjoyed my time here. I like all the evidence stuff. Pretty cool. We had lunch breaks. I enjoyed it a lot. I'm just going to tell you, you go fuck yourself because guess what? I got two little letters for you that allow me to walk out right now. And ain't a freaking thing you can do about one is a. And one is I so long.
48:06You say, Judge, is that AI or not? You got five seconds. Judge goes, oh.
48:12Dana Carvey:I do that a lot with anyone. Any question, you have five seconds. What's your favorite movie? You have five seconds. The best is you make it more stressed. You go, what's your favorite movie? You have five seconds. Five, four, three. They can't think. He's like, you know, I'm not going to hang out with you anymore because you make me nervous all the time, you know. You're not going to hang out with me? Yeah, what are you going to do about it? I mean, what are you going to do about it? Just buy a pig? Oh my god, this is a combo platter I know, I'm operating On all comedic cylinders Part of me thinks it's real Because you see a lot Of athletic young People doing things Like that It could be real because they should be doing that But I don't like when they stab them So they should just dance around Oh, the hole, and then they stab them a hundred times And it dies slowly, I don't know Hemingway loved it Yeah, but Ernest Hemingway loved it what are you going to do about that?
49:05Ernest Hemingway. Why does Mike Tyson know anything about Ernest Hemingway?
49:09Dana Carvey:Mike Tyson is very bright. He says he's very wise. All the stuff he says. Anyway. Next story. What do you got? California mayor Ellen Wang admits to be, oh yeah, Chinese agent. What the freak? Yeah, did you hear this story? Arcadia. That's in Los Angeles County, just north and east of downtown LA. now facing federal charges of acting as an agent of China. Eileen Wang is set to appear in court this afternoon, expected to plead guilty in the coming days to one felony count of acting as an illegal agent. Wang faces a potential sentence of up to 10 years in prison. Charges stem from a website that she ran.
49:56Dana Carvey:No, the website was called Communism from China is the best. Yeah. It gave it away. Isn't China great? Why does USA suck so bad? Your system's not as good as ours. Let's be more like China. Love communist China. Dot com. Communism is sort of inching in any way, but I can't believe they caught her and she said, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. Well, this dovetails with something I accidentally saw. You ready for it? Yeah, go ahead. So Michael Pompey was a former in Trump's administration, whatever. He's secretary of state, whatever. He's a big global. Pompey. Yeah, I've heard of him. Michael Pompey, I think.
50:37Dana Carvey:And he just said that China, communist China is just all over our society, just infiltrating everywhere. So I'm watching him say this. They're in our schools. They're in our businesses. They're in our politics. They're just like infiltrating. I thought you're exaggerating. Reach for the clicker. That's bullshit And then this story First thing it pops up What? We're also buying a lot of land In your army base I would just say Let's make it quid pro quo Can we go buy land in China? Can we do everything? No But I think we get taken advantage of In those situations I think we want to take over a country Just buy all its farmland And just go You know With animals on it Did your animal have a baby?
51:22What did we talk about last time?
51:23Dana Carvey:The baby's coming in July. Just rest for it. Live stream, live stream. But McGraw says, hungry. I was feeding it last night. Oats. Holland Oats. I used to joke. I go, Holland Oats, remember when they broke up? Yeah, Oats had a chance on his own, didn't he? Tonight, Oats. One night only. Oats, one show. With his opening act, Sewing His. Sewing His is the opener. and Oates is the headliner. Pretty good, Joe. Not bad. All right, next one. Let's try it. Let's see this. Okay. Oh, watch this guy attack this bad guy right here. You ready?
52:12A little jujitsu for you, Dana.
52:14Dana Carvey:Wow, no, that's amazing. He attacks an armed security guard. He jumps on him with a kind of Bruce Lee move and gets his head. I've seen that move before. If you're not, don't see it. Yeah. I've seen it before with it's that's like perfectly done. Yeah. That was Lauren and Marcy. One angry night.
52:34That's a tricky one because I, the reason I don't do that move like at the post office, if someone bumps me is that jump up and get them in a leg lock.
52:42Dana Carvey:It's a hard one to get right. I get that wrong. A lot of the time. Yeah. I've heard. Okay. That's all. All right. One more. And then we'll get, I got, you got to go. You got to get in your mud bath. Heather's just heating it up. I got to get in my bath.
52:57Oh, it's an aquarium. And this guy's being an asshole lighting a cigarette. Okay.
53:04Dana Carvey:They're saying don't put it out. And he throws it in the water? Oh, the dolphin. The beluga whale. The beluga whale. I can't believe what I just saw. So the blue whale senses the pressure, doesn't want, knows there's no smoking, and spews like 10 gallon on the guy's head with the cigarette. Did I get that right? Your video, not mine. It could be AI, but if it was AI, he would have nailed the cigarette a little harder. Right. Could have been AI. If it was AI, he would have stood up and walked over the whale. Now I'm thinking it's AI. I know. What is it? It doesn't matter. We have our chuckle either way Where does it go?
53:51Dana Carvey:What's going on? What does it matter? Who cares? Who cares, man? Just be happy What happened to Tulsi Gabbard? Why did she get raided? That scared me Did she get raided? Isn't she still in Trump's administration? They raided her office And they're like, wait, aren't you the raider? Why are you getting raided? When in doubt, raid That's what that was Hey guys, shut up We haven't raided in a while Maybe she knows something because all these scientists that are dropping like flies are like, they all know something. And they're like, oh, they just put two in the back of their own head. Well, that's going around a lot that any of these scientists related to UFOs.
54:33Dana Carvey:Yeah. Yeah, I had the Hantavirus. Yeah. Are you okay? No, I just had a nightmare. Where'd you get it from fucking Mickey Mouse? I had a haunting virus. Did I get it from Mickey Rourke? I got it from Ratatouille. that little that guy it's the horniest animal out there he's cute and everything but he's riddled with diseases they wanted me to do that lead character i turned him down ratatouille yeah i said a french rat not gonna happen finally pixar makes a bomb but then they rewrote it and put um pat who's got a great voice i you know i have a boring voice as myself here's you as ratatouille Hey, man, I got to go make some food.
55:13Dana Carvey:Here's you starting as Ratatouille. Like, you got to get a little sandwich. And I'm like. I'm Ratatouille. I got to make some food. Get the pots and pans. Cling, cling, cling. Get the mixer.
55:33Dana Carvey:And the water dripping.
55:38Dana Carvey:I did this character which I only did a couple times at open mics called sound effected which I've told you and it was just you could do it better than me but it's just that just a guy he's that's all he does ladies and gentlemen sound effected you know it's like so I'm walking across wet grass I open my car door it's the same sound I start my car shitty sound effected I'm just a mirror that's not bad I don't I just I clean my teeth I pick up a cup alright that's the show I take a sip alright this has been the show we ran too long again people we gave you way more than you paid for again yeah that's it okay thanks everybody Thanks for joining us.
56:33And we'll see you next time.
56:34Dana Carvey:See you next time on Fly on the Wall.
56:41Dana Carvey:Is that a geese? I think so. Okay.
56:49Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.
57:17Dana Carvey:Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweetech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. him. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewallatodyssey.com.
57:55Thank you.
From the publisher
David and Dana discuss The Roast of Kevin Hart, Spencer Pratt’s Airstream, and David recaps Euphoria while Dana wonders if he should have done more nudity in his career. Also, animal sounds, Buzzing Around, and the news of the week.
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