Jazz Fest + Manifestos

21:54No, no, no, no, no, no.

21:56Dana Carvey:It's yeah, there is that. I mean, out on the sidewalk, there was a kind of a cool woman dancing with chakras.

22:06Dana Carvey:You know, and then we go up into our room and this is no joke. I'm not getting around here. My, none of my stuff works. The laptop, the phone, just what? And then Paula's phone, brand new, just goes to weird, spooky, like wispy dial tone type stuff. like noise, like white noise. And we opened the window. So we went to an Apple store that wasn't an Apple store. It was a place that fixed phones. You know, it had little bells on the door and it was really tiny. Yeah. But they were able to fix it. They just picked it up and went, oh, voodoo. We know how to do this. Yeah, it's been hexed. And so they put it in a machine and it said anti-voodoo hex machine, which was like the old Batman TV show, press the button, ding, then it was fine.

23:01I like going in those and they go, we're just going to plug it in here and slurp out all your information and then we'll give it back. Okay.

23:09Dana Carvey:Yeah. I should have been warned because my doctor's nurse, when I told her I was going to New Orleans, she said, oh, no.

23:20Me and Heather are already laughing.

23:22Dana Carvey:Oh. You're going to New Orleans. I'm going to have to talk to the doctor. Why? Yeah. Because of the voodoo. Oh, he can put a screen on you. Make sure you bring an extra iPhone. It doesn't work when the voodoo hits. Oh, I'm going to have to talk to David Spade. Why? Why? I don't know. We both say why. I like being the other guy against the secretary. I'm the one that's a normal person. Well, I did her for Heather. I did her for Heather. I told Dane on the break, I go, if we're ever stuck, all I want to do is just say, what's the doctor's secretary up to? And then he just can go into it. Well, by the way, she's an incredibly sweet person.

24:15Dana Carvey:She almost came to our gig up in Lincoln. But it was just a Friday. I couldn't get the chance to ask the doctor There's too much traffic I talked to the doctor He thought it was too far To drive on a Friday night So maybe she'll be at our next Gig in Saratoga On June Beep beep Or our gig This week Comedy festival Orpheum theater Wednesday night Wednesday Two days Dana At 6pm so you can go to the show Have a couple pops go to the show And then eat dinner afterwards 6pm show Dana and I grill Chris Rock About whatever we want Yeah we just said we wanted Probably we want one of the best Comedians of the last 30 years And we put it in an AI And it came up Chris Rock So we called up Chris this is time for my nourishment and nutrition why are you suddenly a robot drinking vitamins what's your blood work look like when you do a lab my labs come out pretty good by the way green all green or some big everyone's shocked the guy doesn't allow me to look at him he goes like this okay

25:49don't love that yeah it's really the honor system i have to trust him oh here's something oh not to get you off

25:58Dana Carvey:but i want to do a question your doctor of my doctor yeah um okay no reason to bring that up Okay. Ha! Just, you know, enjoy your life. Okay, go ahead. Okay, let me see. Viagra, that's an easy fix.

26:23Okay. Do you have trouble living up Evian bottles? I do. Use your legs.

26:34Dana Carvey:How many times do you get up in the night to go to the bathroom? 30. This says here it would be 300. Is that possible? Kevin Nealon, who's going to be on next week. Kevin Nealon. He says he sleeps in the bathroom and gets up to just go back and lay down and sleep and come back to the bathroom. So now he goes to the bathroom more than he sleeps. Okay. We're going to unpack that when he's on the show. We're going to unpack it. All right. What are you looking at? I was saying that there was that mishap with that President Trump had. And my angle on it is not really the whole situation. It was that I just picture every school going, do you have your manifesto ready?

27:22They're due this weekend. Everyone has a fucking manifesto. I'm like, I don't have one to do. Should I have one just in case anything happens to me? how how do you define a manifesto i mean it is a funny word it's a cool name we all yeah yeah mine's a pamphlet right now the first time i heard manifesto it's like a phone book right i think it was ted kaczynski maybe yeah yeah uh not to be confused with tim kazerinsky

27:48Dana Carvey:but that was the unabomber was it yeah the unabomber wrote a manifesto which basically i think was sort of like reorientating being critical of the way society is organizing and humanity is going about its business. And here's a better way to do it. It's a manifesto, like a call to arms. If we could implement this immediately, I will stop bombing people. Right. I live in a cabin and I make homemade bombs, but I think I got the brain pan to figure out what to do with society. It's funny because sometimes those people are very smart, but they're socially awkward. They're on the spectrum is what people say.

28:27Here's another thing I say about these people that are out there killing people. I know mental illness is, we've talked about this. It's very serious. We've talked about it. But there's a certain point where you go, oh, this person got off because they say they're insane. They can't, they don't know what they're doing. Well, I think if you're a serial killer, no one's defending them. They're insane. I mean, they don't know. They know something's wrong with them, right?

28:55Dana Carvey:Getting into a machine gun and shooting down into traffic is by definitional mentally insane. Or you're planning a killing every week for some women and you're like John Wayne Gacy or one of these guys. Or you're the BTK killer. So you're not mentally, you could say, argue, they're not fit to stand trial. They don't understand. That's not someone that gets it out there, how you're supposed to deal in the world. Right, that's why. It's conveniently used sometimes to get people off. And sometimes you just say, well, if they're that mentally, I don't, let's say they don't go to jail, you know, put them in a rubber room somewhere, but don't get them on the streets again.

29:32That's my only argument.

29:33Dana Carvey:If I was on trial for something like that, I would just say, look, before we start this whole proceeding, I feel terrible. Number one, number two, I'll never do it again. So I think we're ready to go. Let's save the taxpayer some money. What do you say? yeah i'm releasing myself and my own recognizance i'm sorry and i'll never do it again so bye-bye right and when these horrible things happen they go oh they but they're just not on their medication right now well when will they be because if they're not if they're going to go stab someone on a make that's not our fault if they're not it's just such a complicated issue right because off their meds they got to get the meds and then they stab the pharmacist And then they can't get their meds They took away the source That's the real worst case scenario That's where the system breaks down Yeah, he's all right, just get his meds He'll throw the knife away Thanks, Deb You should have taken one first Alright, that's all I have to say I like the word manifesto because it comes up a lot I know, and I agree And I've been working on You should have something That's it?

30:42That's all it is, your manifesto? Oh, it's up there

30:50cocky whistler guy i have a hollywood story after your next story let me tell you what i thought that last story is about this is this is something i do that means when something is shaky yeah yeah you can do it let me see you do it

31:12Dana Carvey:good can you do an octopus going across your screen probably not

31:21Dana Carvey:that's just visual don't we get a little I could do that but with better

31:29that's pretty good I gotta wear the camera

31:37see they slurp up some they go backwards because it here's an impressive interview eating clams at a restaurant finally

31:57here's me when I'm about to have sex. The girl, we're jumping over here. And she's naked and I'm naked. I walk up and I go, any allergies? Okay. Any allergies I need to know about? That's what the waiter said.

32:14Dana Carvey:Here's you post-coital with a robe on turning away from the fireplace to the bed where the woman is. Yeah.

32:24I give that after sex the slow clap. the sarcastic clap

32:32I go we're done here

32:35Dana Carvey:you accept any of my premises here's Dana here's Dana after he takes the number two and he gets up and looks down at it and he goes this isn't over here's you you're about to be on Artemis the next one that goes around the moon you're in your space suit you're right at the door and you take your hat, all your thing off, go, yeah, not today. Okay. That's it. That's it. Not today. Here's you, here's you when you're in Artemis going around the moon. Now it's an Artemis theme. Yeah. Okay. You go, uh, which is the one that doesn't work? Cause there's already a line for the one in the back and there's only three of us.

33:18So where's, which is the pooper that works? Cause going on the dark side of the moon, scares me a little bit and I get nervous, then I fuck him.

33:27Dana Carvey:Everything ends with... No, people have religious experiences on the dark side of the moon. The guy was up there on Artemis, which, by the way, Trump has already named the next one to be called Epic Artemis. I thought it was called Trumpopotamus. Trumpy Craft. Why did he put his name in it if he's renaming it? He put his name on Earth. There's a movement to change the name of Earth just to Trumptown. downtown but uh yeah people get religious out there when they see the sun and sound they get kind of so the guy came in the splashdown got on the ship and talked to the chaplain he goes is there a chaplain here there's always a chaplain on a ship because he was so moved by that he kind of got the idea of you know just god it was beautiful planet all alone why can't we get along did he see all the buildings on the dark side of the movies moon all the ufos and when they go inside the moon?

34:21Dana Carvey:No, but he did see a small figure with little weird binoculars. It was me? Yes. Instead of pumping bus boys, you stowed away on Artemis 2 and parachuted down to the lunar surface so you could harass the astronauts. I'm going to tell everyone something about Hollywood that they don't always know. I think Dana kind of knows. I mean, you sort of get it. You don't really get it, but you want to get it. My hair gets it. You get it. Simone Biles came out. I thought it was good she said this. The gymnast, the genius gymnast. The gymnast. Of course, I have no information on the story, and it's a total lie, but I'm continuing.

35:10Okay. She went to a, let's say a premiere, a Met Gala, a something. I think the Met Gala would be a little bit of a cheat. I think it's just a regular big red carpet appearance.

35:22Dana Carvey:Okay. And she said, you know what, guys? I want to stay home from now on because all in to doll me up$23 ,000 for the glam squad. Heather believes it. I believe it. I used to know this young lady that worked for Leno and she said, glam is getting so expensive that we had one really famous female. just asked for 20 grand for glam. So you do the show and you get like$800 to be on a talk show. Yeah. Will you cover my glam? It's 20. That's. No. It's stylist, hair, makeup. Steam. Nails. I don't know what, you know, to get ready for one. Nikki Glaser would be a good one to ask because she's going to a lot of stuff lately.

36:11We should have her on again anyway, but. Oh, I'd love to have Nick back on. She knows about it. So isn't that crazy? I think the regular average person, so Simone's basic point was like, I can't keep going to these. And parts of it are write-off, I'm sure, but you still have to pay it. It's too much.

36:31Dana Carvey:It's too much, but I'll tell you, that seems inexpensive and I'll tell you why. Okay. When Jay Leno was still doing the Tonight Show, Kim Kardashian was on the show. And afterwards, Jay didn't say it in a snarky way, said yeah it was 17 000 oh and she looked every penny of it yeah you know i bet it's more this reminds me of i played a birthday party on the break and i'm like what does this guy's birthday wish to watch me come bomb in front of his friends anyway so i said you look good for he was 60 and i said you know you know what you don't want to hear from people they talk about someone they They go, he's 60 and he looks every bit of 60.

37:18The rudest. That means every day is accounted for. There's a little wear and tear every fucking day. They don't go, you look 50. Every bit of it. Yeah. You ever heard that? Oh yeah.

37:31Dana Carvey:Every bit of it. It's so rude. Yeah. It's a rude way to say it. Hey, you look good. For your age. Listen. I go, hide that. Guess what actor never wore makeup? Speaking of$17 ,000 on television or in film ever. Nope. Rob, Rob Redford, someone I worked with long time ago. Mickey Rooney. Yes. No way. Mickey Rooney. Mickey Rooney again. Never wore makeup. You know why I don't wear makeup? Because makeup is for girls. And it had some logic to it. Yeah. Back then it was for sure for girls. You know who wore makeup? Judy Garland. I guess all the actresses do. You know who needs to wear makeup? David Spade.

38:19You know what? People don't realize when they say we look like shit in the comments, I shield you from this, Dana. I shield you.

38:26Dana Carvey:I'm pouring over the comments during this. I've got a lot just. It's like a live stream. My live feed. Yeah, I just. We don't wear makeup. And they say, oh, you look rough. More makeup. I'm like, we don't have any makeup. Well, we have. I have ring lights. Yeah. It's better than makeup. Dude, they call me Ringo Starr. I walk around with a ring light everywhere. Oh, remember Ringo? Remember when we interviewed Ringo? Oh, he's our friend. I know. He's in July. Maybe we get to get to some stories. What do you think of that? Well, yeah. And whenever you want me to do... Oh, Buzzing Around, you want to do it?

39:02You ready for it? Well, might as well get it out of the way. Now it's time for Buzzing Around. Sponsored by 5-Hour Energy. With a wide variety of bold flavors to choose from. That's right. You can get as much caffeine as a 12-ounce premium cup of coffee, but with zero sugar and zero sugar crash. That sounds like buzzing. Find 5R Energy shots online at 5REnergy.com or Amazon today. So Dana Carvey right here, master of voices.

39:35Dana Carvey:Of something. When I figure it out, I'll let you know. He's going to give us a scenario. Okay. We talked a little earlier and we're going to have a little scenario here. This is a little sketch. I have a couple of cliff notes, but it is not written out. So it might be a bit sloppy. No, they're very messy, which I like. Yes. So here's the premise in the future. Because AI is going to take over and we're going to have robots, right? Sure. And robots in the house and housekeepers and gardeners, all that. Good evening, Mr. Carvey. Last thing will be an AI robot comedian, and they will make those and they will base them on iconic comedians.

40:15Dana Carvey:So and sooner or later, sooner or later, these AI cyborg comedian robots will screw up. Order. Order in the cart. We're going right into it. Yeah. OK. J1000 You're accused of murdering 300 patrons at the Laugh Stop in Hermosa Beach On November 7th How do you plead? Oh, you know, guilty of course Guilty? You're guilty? You freely admit your guilt? Oh yeah, yeah, of course Would you care to explain yourself? It's actually very simple You know, so I was there in the green room, you know And, you know, basically my handler, Mickey, you know, he's he's my human guy. And he just said before the second show, he said, J 1000, knock him dead.

41:14Dana Carvey:Right. So what the problem was is that my empathy chip was completely on the fritz and my logic chip wasn't working so well. So I took him literally and I took this stool and I beat the hell out of all they were dead. Oh, my gosh. So you have no remorse. Do you want to do the judge? So you have no remorse for the situation? You killed the whole crowd? No, I'd do it again in the same circumstance. It was just because it was really Mickey's fault because he's supposed to keep track of my maintenance. And like I told you, my empathy chip and my logic chip were completely on the front. Well, this is starting to make more sense.

41:52Dana Carvey:You know, I'll just say this to you, Your Honor, you know, to be totally honest, I think humans got to be a little bit more careful. Case dismissed. You know, we all learned a lesson here today, I feel. I'm still the judge. All right. I know, but okay, we'll go back more. I'm not beating you right. Next to the stand is the Sebastian 200. Okay, we're good. You are accused of violently throwing a man into the Beverly Hills Hotel on July 9th. How do you explain yourself? Well, I was sitting there poolside Then this guy walks down in his sandals He starts clipping his So I pick him up Throw him in the pool You gotta go like this In the pool I picked him up and throw him in the pool Yeah, two arms Now you say, and your chips were working?

42:58Dana Carvey:And your chips were working at this time? The chips were perfect, you're on the... Well, then this court has no recourse but to dismantle you. We're going to dismantle you. You can do it. This court has no recourse Except to dismantle you Piece by piece And take you down to the nubs Sebastian 200 You're gonna take me down To the nubs That's what I just said Take you down to the nubs Get him out of here Bailiff Johnny 500 everyone's a robot yeah so the judges too i was good i was gonna do the judges henry fonda well get him out of here you know like a ai who would be a great judge henry fonda that would help we're gonna take it down to the nubs johnny 5000 take him away uh sorry sebastian apparently we're gonna take you down to the nubs down to the nubs that's right funk face and scene whoa it's a little sloppy you became the judge I did I tried to help and then I really heard it a little bit I'll work on it and bring it back for another edition of buzzin' around there it is that was buzzing around if you didn't know it's sponsored by 5-Hour Energy tasty caffeine flavors enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle 5-Hour Energy shots pack the flavors of the season portable 2-ounce shot ma whenever there's a five hour energy i'll be there wherever people are taking five hour energy to give them five hours of energy i'll be there that's my henry fonda online at five hour energy dot com or amazon today i don't even slow down for you i just buzz right over you buzz buzzing over me no i i i did it it was good great come on man who else i'm gonna work on that and put my stand up.

45:11Dana, have you ever caught yourself mid-sentence and think, wow, maybe I shouldn't have had that extra coffee this morning? Yeah, you have.

45:19Dana Carvey:Yeah. I have too. By the time I realized my flossing game was more of an optional hobby than a routine habit. It's funny how little things in your mouth can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. And that's exactly why I love what Smile Generation does. They're a community of trusted dental professionals who help people understand the connection between oral health and overall health. Because what happens in your mouth doesn't just stay there, it affects your heart, your brain, and your overall wellbeing. Oral health issues have even been linked to long-term conditions like heart disease, diabetes, and Alzheimer's.

45:54Dana Carvey:So caring for your smile really is caring for your whole self. And there's a special confidence that comes from being proactive. Regular exams and screenings can catch potential concerns early, sometimes before you even notice symptoms. Yeah, to learn more about the connection between oral health and overall health, visit smilegeneration.com slash fly. That's smilegeneration.com slash fly to learn more about the mouth-body connection and find a trusted provider near you. It's time to refresh your yard during spring backyard days at the Home Depot. Get low prices guaranteed on propane grills starting at$179, like the Next Grill 3-Burner Gas Grill.

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46:57Dana Carvey:From sauce to dust to nuggets, it's Taco Bell's new Diablo-dusted crispy chicken nuggets. Are they mild? If they were mild, they'd have to change the name to little rascal nuggets or minor nuisance nuggets. Definitely Diablo. New Diablo-dusted crispy chicken nuggets. A brand new classic. Only at Taco Bell. At participating U.S. Taco Bell locations for a limited time and while supplies last.

47:25Okay, let's get to some stories.

47:28Dana Carvey:Yeah, we're in our second hour. Let's see what this is. Oh, this is funny. Wait a second. Ready? This is that cop show.

47:47Arrest this guy.

47:49Dana Carvey:Yeah, what's the point?

47:59Dana Carvey:This is real? Yeah. This guy's pretending to be you? I'll get a close name of David Spade.

48:18Go see it.

48:21Dana Carvey:Well, I love the whistle. Why would the funny whistle That's what they added to it The guy but it's funny because it's a real cop Show where they just arrest people live And the guy goes David Spade Don't you have that bus voice coming out this weekend And the guy's like So after a while they go you're not him

48:48Heather has a special Whistle That they do when we go to storage. Your family whistles to find each other. Oh my God. Oh, it's how to get their dog back from the woods.

49:08Dana Carvey:Does whistling come across? She does the real one. With these mics? Oh, people I think hate the whistling. It's too loud. Well, I think you have to get it further away.

49:24You know, this water drop is really a whistle.

49:30Dana Carvey:That's pretty... How long did you practice to get that? But it's really just a whistle. You know what I mean? No, it's something more than that. You know, I... No, it doesn't sound like a whistle. You could probably do it in a couple thousand years. If I didn't have a life, I'd have time to train. Yeah. Here's you at midnight in your mansion. By the way, you asked me the other day That bullet train in California What's the latest tally? It was$100 billion It's up to$230 now You could make the Desert Warrior movie $5 ,000 times Oh, full circle, I like it It's not even political It's no one's fault If you have an unaccountable monopoly That has no competition Unlimited money Hello, we could use more money for the train Right away, sir You know, so dysfunction is normal of government who's ever in power.

50:26Dana Carvey:So we have to hold it to account. But$200 billion is getting a little thirsty, as you would say. Governors of states are like CEOs, but they would get fired if they were like CEOs. So if you just say, hey, I don't know where this money is. Hey, we've tacked$100 billion. I don't want to pay for this thing. They want me to pay for it by myself. I disagree that the train is going slow, Your Honor. I mean, we have 12 tracks laid. Of course, it's been$200 billion, but there's been some local fires, some flooding. And, well, I think we're right on track. We will be able to build five miles of train track for$2 trillion.

51:06Dana Carvey:You got a problem like that, bro? I know. Nothing you can do. They always show a comparison like China built a train across the whole God-nate country in like two years for a billion. So someone knows how to do it. Well, China can just go around in a truck with a bullhorn. Attention, everyone leave your home. Drive five miles east and begin building the home. Beginning building, yeah. All we need is 25 million people in the next hour. Leave your homes immediately. See, I didn't do a Chinese accent. No, not ruin it. Oh, wait a minute. Quick Japanese guy in an earthquake. Oh, boy. What's up, Bill?

51:43Dana Carvey:There it is. Oh, it's it. He's happy in his house. There comes a tremor. He's confused. I'm sure it's nothing. Wait a second. It's getting worse.

52:03Dana Carvey:Crossed his eyes, of course. It's not a sign of a sign. Oh, again. Oh, no, I messed it up. I like when your computer goes blank. Yeah. Where are we now? It's all black around my screen. Can you see me? Let's do another story. Yeah. We overloaded these stories, I guess. I know. It's so funny, though. Okay. Let's see if this is funny. Okay. What? Wait. Oh, there's a new invention. Edible water. Oh, edible water. It's an edible water bottle. Meet Uho, a revolutionary solution to single-use plastic. These water blobs are made from seaweed that are designed to hold water in a natural, edible case. You can put one in your mouth, bite down, and enjoy a refreshing burst of water.

52:50And it's 100 % biodegradable, breaking down in weeks if not consumed, unlike plastic bottles that take centuries. The company is working to bring it to the market, marking a major step forward in the fighting against pollution. Give me half a dozen blobs.

53:04Dana Carvey:That's great. Yeah, what's the name? I'm trying to think of the brand name. What are they calling it? Seaweed water? I mean, is there a better name than that? I'd call it blobs. I'd call it seaweed, well, weed blob. I'd call it blobules. Hey, Dana, we're going on a drive. Grab a couple blobs for the road. Are you thirsty, honey? We just walked across the desert. Of course not. I took a seaweed blob. It was a half an ounce of water. Do you have any blobs on you, dude? I'm dying. I got cotton mouth. Oh, don't jelly it down your throat. Jam it. Okay, that's the byline The commercial That's the lady last week Oh, that's right What's the difference?

53:47Dana Carvey:What's the difference? They don't care about the creelos I finished the joke She goes What's the difference? I go Between bad breath and halitosis Bad breath and halitosis Those are two towns Because she's right here I smell like fucking Malibu rum Mixed with coke or RC cola I'm like See if you get this, Joe, because I did it as Red Redneckian. It's confused. Red Redneckian, the Red Red comedian, you know? Okay. Yeah. I just got back from oozing sore, Mississippi. Friend says, how are the folks doing down there? They are dabbing cotton. It's ooze and sore. Oozing sore, Mississippi. So the whole town has oozing sores.

54:35Dana Carvey:How are they doing down there? Dabbing cotton. I got it. That doesn't work for that corporate crowd. I don't do red, rednecky for, you know, like Procter and Gamble. Can you see this wrinkle, Dana? Where is it? On this side. There's a wrinkle in this jacket when I bought it. Would you have bought it? I shouldn't have bought it. I said, there's a wrinkle. I go, that's normal. It comes out in two seconds. This is honestly four years ago. It wasn't one of your specials, my so-called problems. No, my fake problem. My fake problem. So you're doing a perfect impression of that special. This is, it's a wrinkle down and it looks so weird.

55:13And so I never wear it.

55:15Dana Carvey:Stolen from the shoot, as everybody knows. From the 50th anniversary New Yorker magazine shoot where you said, let's walk. Yeah. I repeat myself a little bit. Now I remember. But yeah, this, this is a Gap t-shirt. You want one with the pocket. They fit better. What do you put in the pocket? Nothing. Just like a... nothing a compass from school no everything your phone a little heavy normally i do have a puffy jacket that's very lightweight and that's my man purse paula tried to get me a thing that i would put around like a i'd look like a mailman from england all my stuff in there i left it in every car every cab you know but if i have a zippy jacket like that i get wallets cell phone keys and stuff in the zipped up pockets because if you have it somewhere it can fly out it'll fly away oh you're gonna put your stuff in your breast pocket it'll fly out i'm gonna have to talk to the doctor oh the doctor says don't put your iphone next to your heart it's too close yeah that's true that's just to start with oh does she laugh at this joke or not i don't know if she knows it i mean it's it's so funny it's a compliment it's an homage uh like i said she's just the nicest person in the world but it's like could i get that med this month you are just the meanest i'm going to have to talk to the doctor i never really got you i never really worked on i just said hey buddy but i don't really have a perfect there's not much of a personality here to deal with it's sort of flatlining no you've got your hooks you know you your stand up kind of like the way you move around and like and i was like you're like you know she's like boozy little little effects little effects it's very entertaining dude i walk into a room now like i'm fajitas i'm like what's up i went back I got that sizzle.

57:24Dana Carvey:Got that sizzle. Yeah, you're on fire today. We should put a fire emoji up. Fucking spade fajitas. You are presenting today. You are not phoning it in at all. Oh, shit, it's late. All right, we'll do one more story. Yeah, come on. We're up to two hours. And then we have, yeah, we got a lot more. We'll push them. We got a lot of ads. My hair got higher during the film. People like your hair being high. Okay, go ahead. Oh, this one's about a brewery in Wisconsin. This is ballsy of this guy. Wisconsin Brewery Company admits they would give away free beer if a president was successfully assassinated.

58:03Dana Carvey:How fucking sick are these people? How completely and absolutely mentally ill are these people? Well, that guy should get his own show or at least get him a podcast. cast napoleon dynamite uh impression oh i love that movie um so this brewery guy got in trouble of course you can't go too far one way the other it's just you know free beers if he gets shot i know i know and they get even weirder if there's some kind of bomb attack and uh nova scotia would give you give you a round onion rings i mean there's rewards for all different kinds. If there's a tidal wave in Singapore, you go all getting free pizza.

58:51That's polymarket. These people that bet on stuff. You can bet. This is a way to get the rest of the world in on gambling. You can bet on almost anything like when is Taylor Swift's wedding? You know, there's a lot of just day to day things that aren't sports. So now everyone can be addicted to gambling. But I'm sure one of them is. And you can bet on anything. If the Iran, if they open up the Hormuz, Strait of Hormuz Strait of Hormuz

59:20Dana Carvey:It's an incredible name Whatever pirate or whoever it was Centuries ago looked out and said I'm going to call it The Strait of Hormuz Why? Because your name is Steve Hormuz? Is that why you're naming it that? Was it Lancaster that goes Hormuz How does he do it? Kirk Douglas I'm going to call it the straight of moose What do you think? I think that's a fine name Ha ha ha ha Straight of hoose Ha ha ha ha I read that a lot of the Trump cabinet You know, you get to be in the cabinet of the administration They're living on military bases A lot of them for protection You finally got your dream You're Secretary of the Interior Now drop for 20, bitch Oh no Oh, give me them potatoes.

1:00:12Dana Carvey:You're working. Yeah, they're in boot camp all the time, but they got to be in a, they got to be in a, well, they got to be in a military base. We're putting them in. We're putting them in. Kaddish. Kaddish. Slow motion. Yes, sir. How many things does Kaddish for you represent? So saluting is a Kaddish. Yeah. What else is a Kaddish? I had dinner with Nick Swartz and we just make that noise. He's the whole, we pick up our chopstick. Kadoosh, kadoosh. God, you and Nick, I was there. Nick is a mental case. You guys must have, he's hysterical. He puts a story on Instagram maybe every day about me and just makes fun of me.

1:00:54It's unreal.

1:00:55Dana Carvey:Let's have him on. I know, we should have him on again. He wants to come on again for his tour. He came on maybe a little while ago, so he can come back. Of course. He's a friend of the show. He's a funny mofo. All right, Dana, I got to go. So just let me walk to my car and then you stay on. Yeah, I'm going to stay on. I'll stay on and then I'll close the laptop by doing this. Kadeesh. Hey. See, I can learn. You've learned. All right. Thanks, guys.

1:01:29Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now! Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Matt Eastprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

1:01:56Dana Carvey:Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet-Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. him. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.

1:02:34Thank you.