In short
The episode is a mix of comedy talk and current events, framed by the hosts’ personal stories. It opens with a sleep-quality pitch claiming poor sleep (especially from snoring or gasps) undermines health and productivity, and promotes a home sleep study (sleepdoctor.com). Guest David Spade and Dana Carvey discuss: (1) Jelly Roll’s Kimmel appearance and his weight-loss/“sweet” persona, joking about new nicknames; (2) their own “Mustard gate”/AC problems, including an AC turning on by itself and a “Batman” silhouette-like shadow in a closet; (3) the WNBA controversy around Sophie Cunningham and trans women in sports, plus a related incident involving Enos Kanter at a game; (4) other hot takes and odd news, including a billionaire accused of soliciting sex in Ohio and a “white supremacy” claim about being on time; (5) jealousy vs envy as a natural motivator.
Guests
David Spade and Dana Carvey (with references to Jelly Roll, Jimmy Kimmel, Chris Rock, and others).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOJoy-Z and Family Life
0:00 to 0:55
Dana and David joke about family life and their experiences filming together.
“Have you ever noticed, despite eating well, staying active, and getting a full night's sleep, you still drag yourself out of bed exhausted?”
Joy-Z and Family Life
1:01 to 4:28
Dana and David joke about family life and their experiences filming together.
“Hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break, all right?”
Stand-Up and Writing
4:28 to 8:00
David discusses the challenges of stand-up comedy and writing for SNL.
“But anyway, so would you call yourself first and foremost, I'm David Spade, stand-up comedian.”
Language Trends and Humor
8:00 to 10:32
The hosts explore the evolution of language and share personal anecdotes.
“Now, we can't complain about the education system.”
Jelly Roll and Trump's Humor
10:32 to 13:32
David and Dana discuss Jelly Roll's recent hosting gig and politics in comedy.
“By the way, I hate to bring up Trump again because it's your favorite impression.”
Fighting and Maturity
13:32 to 14:00
The conversation shifts to the theme of fighting and growing up responsibly.
“Yeah, what are you going to do about it?”
Verbal Combat: The Comedian's Mindset
14:00 to 15:50
Learn how comedians approach verbal confrontations and exchanges.
“And the guy said to him in the factory, he goes, yeah, I'm going to fight you after work.”
Verbal Combat: The Comedian's Mindset
16:32 to 17:57
Learn how comedians approach verbal confrontations and exchanges.
“We're crunching the numbers to bring you sleepers, bust weekly start-sit advice.”
The Rise of 'Busboys' on Hulu
18:03 to 21:32
Explore the success of the show 'Busboys' and its audience reception.
“But then the little engine it could, it just starts to find its audience.”
The Magic of Comedy: Surprises and Discoveries
21:32 to 24:18
Discuss the unpredictable nature of comedic moments in film.
“So Brent Spiner played Data in Star Trek Next Gen.”
Show all 22 chapters
Creepy Encounters: Air Conditioning Troubles
24:18 to 27:39
Dana shares a spooky story involving his air conditioning experiences.
“By the way, I followed a crowd work guy that was...”
Misunderstandings and Late Night Dilemmas
27:39 to 28:00
Engage in humorous anecdotes about late-night hotel experiences.
“Oh, that's just a great response to anything.”
Air Conditioning Troubles
28:00 to 29:28
The hosts discuss their issues with air conditioning and sleep preferences.
“Quick impression of Heather at the hotel, 3am.”
Batman Ghost Story
29:28 to 31:23
A humorous recounting of a shadow resembling Batman seen at night.
“So he just comes up and goes, I can just open it up and just turn it off.”
Closet Clean-Up
31:23 to 34:26
David shares a story about his messy closet being cleaned out by his wife.
“It'll be really where I saw it, which was farther away and a little darker.”
WNBA Controversy Discussion
34:26 to 40:52
The hosts analyze the recent controversies in the WNBA regarding trans athletes.
“Sometimes I buy t-shirts and I'm overflowed with socks and t-shirts.”
Apple's New Ad Discussion
40:52 to 42:00
A brief conversation about Apple's controversial new advertisement.
“And, uh, Caitlin Clark is on Sophie Cunningham's team, if you don't know that.”
Discussion on Apple's New Ad and Conspiracy Theories
42:00 to 45:18
The hosts discuss a new Apple advertisement, delving into conspiracy theories surrounding its imagery.
“Apple's new clinger ad is wild, but Hey, nothing to see here.”
Celebrity Scandals and Personal Stories
47:10 to 56:01
The hosts share humorous takes on celebrity scandals and personal anecdotes, discussing themes of jealousy and ambition.
“Oh, this one is for your city of San Francisco.”
Steve Martin Memories
56:01 to 56:30
Dana and David share humorous anecdotes about Steve Martin.
“Every day he drilled this into my brain.”
Upcoming Vegas Show
56:31 to 57:26
Discussion about their upcoming comedy show in Vegas and ticket details.
“I know you're going to sit here for a while.”
New Material and Stage Performance
57:27 to 57:45
Dana and David talk about practicing new material for their performances.
“So I have a couple of new things I've been working on.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Have you ever noticed, despite eating well, staying active, and getting a full night's sleep, you still drag yourself out of bed exhausted? We spend so much time fine-tuning our diets, workouts, and daily schedules, yet we completely ignore the single biggest factor behind our focus, patience, and productivity. Genuine sleep quality. Poor sleep quality undermines all the hard work you put in your health during the day. Especially if you or your partner have noticed heavy snoring or sudden gasps for air.
0:25Dana Carvey:Instead of struggling through brain fog and endless fatigue, Sleep Doctor provides a seamless path to real answers. The home sleep study is a simple alternative to a sleep lab and can be completed in your own bed over one night. You get clinical-grade diagnostic insights into what is actually happening while you sleep, completely avoiding cold, sterile clinics and inconvenient hospital stays while giving you clear practical next steps toward deep restorative rest. Visit sleepdoctor.com to take the first step toward waking up rested and ready. Now accepting most insurance, check and see if your insurance is eligible.
1:04Hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break, all right? Not just any break. This is a refreshing break with Snapple. We all know about Snapple's iconic real facts. So let's take a minute to go over some of my faves. Snapple Real Fact 455. Movie trailers used to come on at the end of the movies, but no one stuck around to watch them. I've heard that. Snapple Real Fact 831. Adults laugh only about 15 to 100 times a day, while preschoolers laugh an average of 300 times a day. Snapple Real Fact 1983. The first player drafted to play pro football never played in the league. That's interesting.
1:45Snapple Real Fact 1274. Kickball is referred to as soccer baseball in some parts of Canada. Hmm. So, grab a Snapple. Take a second. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the moment. Because let's be honest, this might be the most refreshing part of your day. Snapple, make your break more interesting. It's like you. You're, um. It is.
2:08Dana Carvey:You're like, uh. Yes.
2:14Dana Carvey:sequestered was this probably the biggest word that is like ever if he's not jelly roll could he sweet jelly roll how about ladies and gentlemen split p how about real fruit roll you really wanted to make love on the pirates caribbean ride right if it was on a really slow day in the back seat. That's my scratch itch.
2:44Dana, live from Joy-Z. You know what's funny about Joy-Z is the city is like Hoboken, Yonkers.
2:54Dana Carvey:I know, those names. So funny. Yeah. You just hear them. Hey, go over and get a piece of pie at Hoboken. Do people still talk like that or did Sopranos end it? You know, it's funny. It's funny when Adam's on the movie because he is sort of a real-life soprano. It's not a bad analogy because he's sort of the boss of everything. And then his kids come and he's like this nice dad. He's got to do family life and he's got to do movie life. And he puts so much into the family life on top of putting so much into the movie. Guy's got his hands full, I tell you. So the kids come in the set and need daddy time?
3:34well they come to the set because they're they have well they do come to the set a lot no matter where we're shooting they would come if they can yeah and jackie and jackie's in the movie and uh oh okay so they come and then also when we go to dinners and stuff they usually will pop in and say hi if they can but it's all just a family affair yeah tom tom hank said it's what his family does
3:59Dana Carvey:we're storytellers everybody is an actor writer oh yeah you're filming yeah it's like it's like you you're um it is you're like uh yes well your old thing is like you know um i don't know what would you say for four minutes and here's a 20 minute story about it that's fantastic and you You always land it. But anyway, so would you call yourself first and foremost, I'm David Spade, stand-up comedian. Or would you add other layers to that? I would just, the simplest way to say is international superstar. No, international presence. Man of mystery. I'm just an international presence, whatever that means.
4:50No, I was going to say.
4:53Dana Carvey:Well, you're a writer. Yeah, I would say stand-up at the beginning, but I wrote my stand-up. So I really like to lean on the writer part because that's the hardest part. Did you write it? Really? My stand-up? Yeah. Yeah, it was a compilation of Billy Crystal albums, George Carlin albums. No, I would write those jokes, which, you know, arguable jokes, whatever. and then I got older. SNL hired as a writer performer, which I didn't really want. You don't, that's like sequestered to the writing table. That Thursday is the hardest day of the week. You have 14 hours of just rewriting someone else's sketch.
5:37Dana Carvey:Let me ask you a question and I can't believe I don't know the answer to this because we've gone over this topic. So you go in, when you go in as a feature, you get a writing credit. If you go in the main company, you don't get a writer's credit. so when you went into the main company did your writing credit go away on snl yes and you along with others would write and they don't like that to overlap right they don't like to give cast a writer credit well they're like yeah the main cast i mean you get to be on the show and everything we're just you know and you're paid more technically but then your whole post snl life Hey, did you come up with that stuff?
6:17Dana Carvey:Hey, who came up with that George Bush Sr. impression? Or who wrote that? It's like a little bit. Who wrote those inflections? What's that Churchley guy? Who did that? Tell that guy, good job. But hey, I don't know what you're saying, dude. But listen, bro, when I look at the credits, I don't see your name. You say you're right. I don't see any proof of it. By the way, bro and dude have made a comeback. because dude so i was listening to theo with billy strings it was really entertaining uh but the amount of time because i came from dude dude started in the 60s 70s dude come on dude but now bro has been at no seriously bro no dude hear me out bro dude i mean it's really big now it's it's very cool that it's made a comeback i like when girls say bro bro yeah or kids say to their parents a lot.
7:11Or brah. Bro. What's up, brah? I don't like bras much, but it is out there. Brah was sequestered, my new word, to Hawaii. And then it sort of filtered out to the world.
7:24Dana Carvey:Sequestered was, this is probably the biggest word you've used. That is like, that's like, what is a sequester? I don't even know if I'm using it right. I just throw it in and people just shrug it off and go, sure, I guess. So I'll give them that one. I think it's involuntarily being put somewhere. They're sequestered or secret papers or information is being sequestered. Isn't when a jury is sequestered where they're hidden and they can't leave? The jury is sequestered. We learn a lot. We try to educate. I saw all these words. Now, we can't complain about the education system. I would never. But 1 % of people can read.
8:06But other than that, it's like, I'm joking, but you know, they gave a list of like 15 words. I'll bring this next week. And they're like going to graduates saying, you're in special classes. You're right. Read these 15 words. And they always say they got them all right. Just so they could pronounce it properly or identify what they mean. Like if they had sequestered, they would just go sequence it. not a chance on a definition, but just, and there are some tricky ones. I knew pretty much all of them.
8:42Dana Carvey:Well, in fourth grade, it was really big to be able to spell out supercalifragilisticexpialidocious from which movie? Julie Andrews. Mary Poppins. Yeah. So that was a big flex to be able to write that out. I saw the porn. To get the girl. Mary gets popped In the shorts My dad used to go I gave it a little pop in the shorts And I go Thanks dad, I'm seven Oh, peewee Listen to Heather Booing from the stands Peewee, how dare you Peewee By the way, I went to the Dermo Yesterday for the yearly skin check Dermo He's the guy, I know Hey, Dermo Bro, bro, bro Dude Dude, seriously, bro. Age-related. No, it wasn't age-related.
9:39Dana Carvey:It was just sort of more casual. I'm in my undies laying out there like a frog. Frog. A frog in class getting... And the nurse ahead of time, would you like a little blanket over yourself? No, I don't want to play peekaboo. Maybe in other regions? Yeah, do you want to... No, I want to lay here like a frog, you know. He comes in and he just goes, Yeah, see these? You're going to get a lot more of them. That was his whole thing. Horrifying. See that? Not dangerous, but you're going to get a lot more of those. This little thing over here, see that? You're going to get a lot more of that. Thanks, Doc.
10:15It's a quadruple, by the way.
10:16Dana Carvey:God, I wish I'd gotten a blanket. See these barnacles on your foot? They're not going away. See how your hand's going to be purple? Yeah, like Trump. See, your fingers are going to be webbed. You're going to get a lot more purple. Yeah, you don't have that big toe. It's going to grow a lot bigger in your 80s. By the way, I hate to bring up Trump again because it's your favorite impression. Good, good, good, good, good. But I saw Jelly Roll he was hosting for Kimmel. Oh, yeah. Bit of a sequestered vacation. I don't know where he is. Kimmel always takes a good, stretchy vacation. Bless his heart.
10:48Dana Carvey:I love that. He paces himself. That's really smart to go, nah, I want the summer off. I remember one time I hosted and I go, so I get whatever he would make tonight? And they go, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, that's funny. No, that's actually hysterical. We're going to tell everyone that because it's so funny, but you'll get scale minus 10 and you'll get a box lunch. And I was like, but he still gets paid while he's gone. They're like, yeah. Yeah, they did the same thing to me. They said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I started miming like a motorboat. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
11:22It's for the exposure, Davey. Well, they had jelly roll on and he goes, Trump's a fat pig and so am I. so I think he got away with it of course I mean a little too many politics in that show for my taste love Jimmy of course a little bit I think it's the only clips I see it's all political but right jelly roll coming in off the street and he gets a fat pig joke which listen Trump is you know it's the decision whether you play nice with the guy that plays a little dirty or you just give him back the same stuff because I think he called a reporter a pig called a little piggy that's
12:01Dana Carvey:nicer well like bill o'reilly said in our podcast trump trump can take more punishment than any human that's ever existed as far as criticism making fun the pig the thing but i think jelly roll who is right up there with kind of the sweetest person i've ever met you know he's one of those like and now he's really feeling good he's lost all that way so it must be kind of fun to go that guy's a fat pig he said i am now but he's not i used to be a fat pig like trump Oh, used to. Yeah, so good for him. I think he's skinny now, isn't he? Well, I'm going to ask you a question right now because, yeah, he's looking really good and healthy.
12:39Dana Carvey:He's lost a lot of weight. Thank God for GLPs. What should his moniker be now? If he's not Jelly Roll, could he be - Unsweetened Jelly Roll? How about, ladies and gentlemen, Split P? How about Real Fruit Roll?
12:57Dana Carvey:Hey, ladies and gentlemen, a 50-50 bar. It doesn't even make sense. Tiny Toots rolls. Jelly jog. Because he doesn't roll. He jogs now. He jogs now? He runs? I mean, if that's a healthy guy, maybe. But Jelly jog is kind of catchy. Or it should just be a t-shirt. His new name should be, yeah, what are you going to do about it? Oh, boy. It just says his weight like 195. And then underneath it says, yeah, what are you going to do about it? I lost 120 pounds. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? You got a problem with that? Yeah, what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do?
13:35I wonder if Trump's feelings were hurt. That was Mike Tyson, ladies and gentlemen. No, I'm saying if I was Mike Tyson, I would say that to everybody. If I was a fighter, I would always want to... I always get people fucking around and they always know no one's going to say anything. Plus, when you get in fights, you're like, I have a job. You can't just always get an altercation. You're going to lose your job. You get fired. You can't go to work. the people that start this shit out there in the world nothing to lose so they're they're an advantage like what's the example like someone's walking on the street talking shit start pushing people oh yeah and they pull out you know you go am i gonna fight this am i gonna get involved and then i lose my job or i look like a bad guy somehow or these people like hey i probably
14:19Dana Carvey:won't go to jail so i don't give a fat fuck there was uh my brother was working within this company And he's a fully grown man at this point, 35 or 40, and some kind of little pithy exchange. And the guy said to him in the factory, he goes, yeah, I'm going to fight you after work. We're going to have a fight. And my brother said, no, we're not. And he said, why? And my brother said, because we're not in fifth grade anymore. Yeah. I have a job. Fighting is for little kids. you know it's a last resort i get in less than 10 fights a week now well you could give anybody with your comedian brain a tongue lashing if you needed to you could deconstruct them sometimes i feel like you know if i'm at sort of a party or something and someone's holding court or whatever i always wish like you or spade or neil and or my comedian friends were there because we would instantly look at it differently because we're trained.
15:24Dana Carvey:We're like fighters, verbal fighters. I say to people, but I say it wrong. I go, dude, watch your mouth. I'll give you a tongue bath. And they go, what? And I go, what did I say? I go, oh, tongue lashing. Okay. And they go, I'll take the tongue bath. I'm going to use that one, bro. I'll take the tongue bathing. Hey, seriously, dude, I'm going to use that one, bro.
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16:33We're diving into the tape. We're crunching the numbers to bring you sleepers, bust weekly start-sit advice. Whether you're defending a title or desperately avoiding last place, I've got you covered every single weekday. The bar is open. It's Fantasy Football Happy Hour with Matthew Berry wherever you get your podcasts. Sometimes you just crave the classic comforting flavors when life was a little simpler. I know I do. Absolutely. Like a big hot plate of French toast on a Sunday morning, maybe some early morning cartoons, nothing like it. Now you can get that exact nostalgic flavor packed with massive full body benefits.
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18:12bro just so you know your boy theo you brought up busboys number one on what is it hulu can't believe it this week oh that's awesome so it's the little engine that could so it didn't
18:24Dana Carvey:like come out like like spider-man but now it's finding well i'm saying i uh no it's a good I says. Good comp. Not like Spider-Man, I says, I says. I says, I says. I says, I says. But then the little engine it could, it just starts to find its audience. Because I don't know if this is a hard take, but there's a lot of content out there. Sure. So when we said we'll sell it to Hulu, we're like, oh, great. Then people are going to see it when they want or whatever. You forget that they have their rankings. And then we look. Someone sent me and they go, hey, I'm watching Hulu. Your guys are number four.
19:00I'm like, oh, this is the first day. I go, oh, great. And then I went to two, and then I went to one, and then it's been about a week.
19:06Dana Carvey:Where is the Dana Carvey show, Too Funny to Fail documentary currently? Is that what it's called? Yeah, Too Funny to Fail. It wasn't my idea. Everyone loves that documentary. I don't know, but if it's not new, I mean, we have the beauty of being, the gift of being new. Because Kevin James' movie's on there, Solo Meo, I think Schneider's got a new one that's so picked up. Solo me Did Schneider do one like you? Like a low budget film that he kind of produced? I think it's in Spanish to be honest Oh really? I saw a clip of it Hey! He learned Spanish Don't I a star? Don't I? Yeah, Kevin James is very funny on the movie so far He's got a very quick thing about him Kevin James is funny All the guys on the film everybody's funny women those are scary we get those scenes yesterday we had a five person scene the five guys and uh and we're like an snl sketch that is it sort of goes around and everyone gets a laugh like an well everyone jumps in then we do another take then we kind of got it then we do another take and you have so much coverage that everyone just starts making up it's getting crazier and weirder and and you always wonder where it's going to be up to adam ultimately but where you know where that line is like do we just do the way it was written or do we add a few jokes or do we do the one we had 35 extra jokes for the scenes in 19 minutes now you know i mean we gotta yeah it's gotta takes a good eye you know fine touch to get it right well you get to test it out but it is the the most fun in a film when you're in that stage of showing it to people is just as we've talked about the off kilter weird throw away in that day with all you guys yesterday that gets the giant laugh that's the one that's the cool thing of of comedy is you can't ever master it you're always there's always some surprise it's so true what will the masses think are funny we think this is funny you think it's funny and then you go that when And Tommy Boy is full of those where something that was so obviously like, that's our big scene.
21:22And then you start showing it to people and they go, they always laugh at this other thing. And you just somehow have a blind spot and you don't see that coming.
21:31Dana Carvey:I know there was a thing when I was doing Master of Skies. Kids movie have to have a fart joke. So Brent Spiner played Data in Star Trek Next Gen. He was the bad guy. so whenever the bad guy was really really happy like going ha ha ha ha there'd be a fart noise and then some people said we should cut right away like ha ha ha and then cut so i said okay try it so we tried it and then they came up to it nope it has to be ha ha ha ha and that silence and stillness is what got the weirdness of the guy realizing he farted and He's having the greatest time. My plot is working. I'll destroy the world.
22:15That's so funny, actually. So I had to pause.
Read the full transcript
22:18Dana Carvey:But the silence was where it was. Anyway. Did you change the guy's name to Master Data? Because he was in a kid's mind. That's my Patrick Stewart impression from Star Trek Next Generation. One of the great actors. Did you watch all those? Pretty much. I think it's the best of the Star Treks. There's so many spinoffs, Deep Space Nine and all these different things, but Star Trek Next Generation with Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner and so many others great, just goes to another level. And Patrick Stewart, because when you're on a set, there's no ambient spaceship noise. He just plays with so much gravitas.
23:04That's the spaceship.
23:05Dana Carvey:No, it's like just... I don't want to, you know, all that. It would be a bad one if it was like the spaceship was like. It's ruining taste. Data, put it on the screen, Data. I'll put it on the screen. It's East Scottish. That's why I said a bit of shot. Contra. Contra. Hmm. So. Speaking of noise, Dana, before you get into an actual story. No, I love it. This story is bad. Bad. I did the weekend. I saw Chris. We had dinner one night, ran out and did a set. just just david spade you both went out who followed who followed who no he goes i just want to come i and i was like oh it actually is a little more stressful because you have an actual great comedian watching and then i'm trying to change my set list i was going to try something like anyway we do that he's very nice about it and then we go but it was a little i could have sharp in the edges.
24:03It was a little rougher on the edges.
24:06Dana Carvey:Well, I mean, in a perfect world, you're just there trying out stuff kind of and having fun and goofing around rather than locking in because Chris Rock knows the whole thing. He knows game, yeah. By the way, I followed a crowd work guy that was... Crowd work guy, he's good too and I'm like, he had some material and he goes in the crowd and I'm like, it's always weird to go, I'm going to bring it to a screeching halt with my not loud voice, but it's good lesson. Get up there. You got to do good no matter what. So get up there. Tough shit. Hard to follow crowd work. Hard to follow crowd work. If it's working.
24:43The big headline is my air conditioner. Now, a lot of people are asking, a lot of people are inquiring after mustard gate. Where could this go? Mustard gate blew up.
24:58Dana Carvey:It really did. Just went nuts. Now what? now we got air gate well what happened as most people know when i go to sleep i turn off the ac i don't want blowing in my face and in the middle of my haunted room i didn't say that but the but oh i should send that batman picture in heather let's send the batman picture i think it's time i'm now i'm intrigued i don't know i don't want to see my room maybe we can blow it You're making a Batman picture, air conditioning in your face. I saw Batman in the middle of the night. Now, the first thing I saw was my closet door open all the way with a light on. That was, thank God, in the day.
25:40It was closed, closed for a couple days.
25:42Dana Carvey:Okay, so you don't have a bright light in your eyes. And it doesn't do that. It clicks. So someone had to pull it and hold it open all the way open. Because when it gets halfway, it slams shut. Right. So somehow it's open with the light, which would have woken me up into my light. I would have freaked out. Yes. So I close it and put shit against it. Like don't accidentally open. Yeah. Yeah. I do all this. Cause that's scary. I thought of your story and I'm like, I don't want, I don't be scared in the middle of the night. You don't want to be a, get a poltergeist leaning on your chest at 3am. I'm going to look away and let you walk out peacefully.
26:18Poltergeist. Then the other night, my air conditioner goes on the middle. That one's not bad, but that's so bright. What do you think? I mean, it's so lit. It doesn't look like it's nighttime. The Batman one, Dana, you're going to crack up.
26:35Dana Carvey:Well, what's this? Okay. So the second one was I turned my AC off at night. Right. After three weeks, the other night, 3am. It comes back on. Comes on. By itself. It's 100 % off. Yes. Blowing in my face. I don't like it. It's too strong. I'm trying to put a pillow up in my head. I'm like, why did it come on? That scared me. So weird. And then we asked the front desk, like, I don't know. It shouldn't. I know it shouldn't. Why did it? Who's at the front desk at 3 a.m.? Fucking Speedy Gonzalez and Slowpoke Rodriguez. I don't know. No, Eeyore. Hmm. Well, maybe my doctor's nurse. Oh. Oh, your air conditioning went on in the middle of the night.
27:28Dana Carvey:I'm going to have to call the doctor. Right. I would rather you call like an Ella, someone that could understand the air conditioner. You're like an HVAC guy. So going back to this. Oh, that's just a great response to anything. I love that. Yeah. Did you pay your taxes? Oh, I'm going to have to call the IRS. everything's a scary anxiety riddled big deal yes hey do you guys do parking here oh and the eyes should be big i'm gonna have to ask the doctor because we usually don't pay the parking
28:14so anyway so what happened we don't know and so last night i got home so tired and i said it did it again the other night and they go oh yeah it's kind of automatic oh maybe you had it on auto and not off but for three weeks and it's boiling all the time it didn't do it once anyway so the guy goes i fixed it i put it on auto at 74 i'm like you decided a number but auto means it's
28:44Dana Carvey:going to go on and off once it reaches. Thank you. I don't want that. I think I know what happened. You go, I'm going to write it down. Quick impression of Heather at the hotel, 3am. Yes. Exactly. She comes in with a Phillips. Air conditioning. Oh, turns it on. He turns it on. Runs out. No, she has an app that can turn it on from anywhere. Oh, from her evil room. It's called a ghost app, and then it just scares me. Here's Heather. Yeah, exactly. She's just like, this will scare the shit out of this guy. Anyway, I call the guy, or Heather talks to him. Anyway, we decide, because I have like eight minutes when I get home before I'm going to bed.
29:31We did a good 15-hour chunk. So he just comes up and goes, I can just open it up and just turn it off. It won't come on. I go, let's start with that. Just get me through the night. so he did that took him one second then this morning i'm like now what then it goes on again no if it did then i would have ran out but the batman is boiling okay no it doesn't get that boiling it is about 80 at night or 75 but you know it kind of cools down at night enough to I can sleep barely, but it's not, I don't love it, but it cannot blow my face. So until I can tweak it or move it.
30:13Dana Carvey:No, I don't want any air in my face. Do you get in the face? I mean, I'm all for air conditioning. I just can't take it. I'll move around on the bed or sleep at the very bottom. I don't want cold air, but I like it cooler. Yeah. I like it. I don't want it. Yeah. I'd rather be gun to my head, a little hot than a little cold. okay what about you go ahead let's go to the phone i'd rather i'd rather it be i want my room to be cold and quiet you can't have both i'm just all about sleep i mean for you it's just like a time to lie down somewhere and have your brain go crazy i like to actually get sleep i know you're sitting there sweating think about your scene.
30:58Dana Carvey:I'm like, yeah.
31:02Dana Carvey:So what about the Batman ghost? Is this real? I don't know. Heather, did you send any in? I think they sent him. So just picture the middle night. Now I took a picture. So it looks lighter than it is, but seeing this shadow, if you have it, throw it up. This is probably the time you don't have it. We'll wait. Oh, you saw a shadow. yeah shadow that looked like batman the silhouette of batman everyone is really like this better be fucking good it's not that good but it's something no that's fascinating it's a really good bro i'm kidding oh where is it what i told you that's good well where what is that that's what what's the blue thing a coat but why is it pointing up like that one's the farther one's better either do you send any of the farther ones but what is that your sports code there's the blanket that i rolled up and smashed into the closet that would pop open from a ghost so that's on the ground there's a couch right there yeah there's shit laying on the couch and i see that so basically what is it it's just things that are under the white things and they came out in the shape of Batman.
32:26Here comes a new one. Okay. And it will be... I'm Batman. It'll be really where I saw it, which was farther away and a little darker. Wouldn't that make you weird out? Like, why does that look exactly like Batman?
32:37Dana Carvey:Well, did you walk toward it or did you just stay away from it? I'm not the fucking Riddler, dude. I'm scared of Batman. I would have walked toward it and deconstructed it. I would have been like this. Kapow. Pow. Wow. Wham. Bash. What are you going to do about Batman? Yeah, I would have said Batman. I'm for Batman, so that part didn't scare me. Yeah. But I don't want. Yeah. I know some of the Batman. Batman wants to protect you is the point. I don't really know Affleck, but I know Michael Keaton out of all the Batman. men. Does people say the, do they say the, I'm the Batman? Well, they change the new Batman to the Batman, which you're like, it's a little pretentious.
33:26Dana Carvey:I'm the Batman. It used to be, I'm Batman. I'm Batman. Alright, we're going to go to some stories. Unless you have another story. Yeah, let's go to some stories. And then we'll come back and the other picture goes through. My wife cleaned out my closet because I hadn't been in there for years and she said I was like, Russell Crowe. Oh, here's a new one. Sorry. Oh, no, great. Okay, I see. So from far away, I'm like - Let me see far away. Let's get this. See, so I just walk and I took a flash and back there. Well, at least it's kind of a mini Batman. We'll blur out the mess. Yeah, less scary. That looks like my closet.
34:00My closet is my floor. Okay, that's it. All right, so you got a, what'd you say about -
34:06Dana Carvey:Oh, I got it all cleaned out and then my wife said, I'm like in the character of Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. What did you have cleaned out? Start over. My closet. Just that? It's huge. And is it filthy? Well, it's messy. Like I don't organize things. Sometimes I buy t-shirts and I'm overflowed with socks and t-shirts. And then there's pants I haven't worn in a decade and 10 shoes I never wear. Stuff like that. So it was sort of like a summer clean. Okay. Heather has a question from the audience. Okay.
34:46Has Paula taken the main bed and closet and you get this one?
34:51Dana Carvey:Yes. We have separate closets because she's got all girl stuff. You have four gap shirts and some dolphin shorts. Yeah. This is the gap. I'm a utilitarian, but you don't wear really fancy clothes. No. We should tune into Robbie Hoffman when she's on the show next week because she rips me apart for my shoe game. Right. And she came in with a hooded sweatshirt over. It's August in LA. I was like, that's fun. And a baseball cap. Not really Richie Rich. I'm like, is this the fucking Luigi or the Unabom? Listen, everything you own owns you back. All right, Carving. Relax, Trayvon. So anyway, we'll get to some stories.
35:38Let's see. Let's do some stories, see what happens. Okay. Oh, yeah, this is the big story. Oh, boy, yeah, this thing. What a mess. The WNBA latest mess. Without getting in it, we'll let other people get in trouble. Enos Kanter, who used to play, right? In the NBA. NBA, yeah.
35:57Dana Carvey:He's like 6 '8", 6 '9", 265. Yeah, he's jumping into this NBA biological male, what is a woman story that Sophie Cunningham's in trouble. So he comes in and actually the WNBA player said the joke, which I thought was the other way around, but he goes in the audience wearing a shirt that says definition of a woman, which you know is going to start shit. The WNBA has such a big PR problem. They don't know what to do because it's like everyone who gets asked about it has to take a side. And once they do one side attacks them, like everything in this country right now. So he's in the audience. He's in the audience.
36:41And then he loves Sophie Cunningham, right? Because he's on her side in this situation. This player yells, Sophie's not going to sleep with you. Which is pretty funny to yell out. That's funny.
36:57Dana Carvey:And they had to hold her back to say that? I mean, it was kind of serious. She ran over and, yeah. And then she says, F you, F you. walks out toward the stands. He just stands up. Was she going to fight him? I don't know. She ran over to him. And they pulled her back.
37:17What was her...
37:23Everyone's so delicate. And the guy's just out there. And they kick him out.
37:32Oh, they are? playing the fever. I guess that makes sense. What is the controversy? The controversy is Sophie, I think started it, who's on the fever saying, she doesn't want biological men, trans in. Trans women. In any sports. Yeah. With women. And that set off a firestorm of people saying, you hate trans people. And she said, no, I don't. I'm just saying I want to protect girls. And then these people saying, you're welcome. We welcome trans people. So it turns into such a like, just a finesse debate, minutiae layered. It's so complicated. And if you inch toward one argument, you're over there.
38:26You know what I mean? That's how it works. Same thing with Republican Democrats. Everything.
38:30Dana Carvey:Everything. Everything. so someone's gonna get mad about anything and then they just keep asking coaches about it and just they just step in shit everyone kind of obfuscating well because uh it says women you know i looked at the wmba uh charter and it's a women's league so i guess some people want to say biological women league right or um the only thing i in all this debate i just don't know why they don't do a trans women basketball league it's possible outcome that's a so they're not eliminated or they can't play or they they can have a league and um so you know i don't know i go by caitlin jenner she says there's an advantage um to about age 40 or 42 being bored a man even if you do a strength advantage and strength advantage an athletic advantage that's what she says and she's doing it actively right it's really i mean it's sort of good to hear from someone who is trans because they have the best yeah but it's really up to i think the women the players in the wmba should be able to vote and decide i guess whatever they're yeah i mean that's probably the way to do it like just say well let them let them vote how should we do it now a trans man in the NBA.
40:00Dana Carvey:What about, was there any of that going on? I don't think so. But I also don't know if there's any trans in the WNBA. I think it was, she was saying it offhandedly about something else and it crept into, well, what about this league? And that turned into a whole mess. So I don't know the bit, the big story is like, this, how are they handling it back to basketball? That's what they're probably. When that guy Enos doing all this, um, you know, Oh, for people that don't know, he's the one that said, Oh, because now I want to play in the WNBA. Yeah. I'm going to, and I identify as a woman sometimes.
40:39Dana Carvey:Is that what he said? Yeah. So they said, well, now you're making fun of it. And it, that's where it turns into a whole, now it's branching out. Yes. So whatever, but that's a big story in the WNBA. And, uh, Caitlin Clark is on Sophie Cunningham's team, if you don't know that. And she's a big story in the sports world. Everyone has to take a position. And Sophie has so much attention off this, you know, half good, half bad. So in the comedy world, I mean, besides you, I mean, you're the main trans man in. And I have no problem with it. that I don't have any problem with trans men or trans women doing comedy.
41:24Dana Carvey:Right. Zero. The good news is we're sort of out of this debate, but it's interesting to watch it play out and see how the powers that be handle it. It's a very delicate, sensitive issue. We can agree on that. Yes. There you go. All right. Next story. I mean, this... So far we got that story, we got the Batman story. They're both important. Okay. What is this? I'll watch you see if I can read this. Apple's new clinger. Can you read that Heather? There's no way you can read that. Apple's new clinger ad is wild, but Hey, nothing to see here. You, I'm just a God loving conspiracy nut. Oh, let's see what this is.
42:13Dana Carvey:Can't wait. it's almost like they're showing you without showing you unless you have eyes to see and ears to hear most people would just be like oh it's just a commercial if you didn't know apple same device that i'm on right now uh just released a new commercial and this was part of their uh their new commercial now of course this just flashes by with oh yeah i don't like two to So most people just see this like, oh, yeah, okay. So they're watching her on her phone, which we know that they are. But if you look even closer, why are there demons in the background? Why don't I have something fun in the background?
43:02Exactly. Well, no, that's not real. Is it? I don't know. It says it's a commercial. We'll see if anything we talk about is real. Don't worry. I know. Nothing to see here. i think it's you know it's not the fact that satan and demons rule i don't like when they get into this stuff they should never talk and they have to show you what they are doing it's so weird they have statues that have like babies and children you're like in cities that you go why would you have these why would you have these in a city it doesn't make any sense have a fun statue have a artistic but they say it's art but you go don't keep going back to this dark it's
43:44Dana Carvey:too dark we're looking at ghostbusters with bill murray and all the demons exactly see what happened there cautionary tale not go well those fuckers come alive yeah you want to be covered in slime not me not on my watch not on my watch not yours either okay good not with dan akroyd to my left All right, sir. Fair enough, sir. Good one. That's when he's doing Tom Snyder.
44:11Falls right around the corner.
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47:19All right, next story. Next story that could be true or not. We'll see. You can't tell anymore. Oh, this one is for your city of San Francisco.
47:29Dana Carvey:I did see this. He's worth$500 million and he's... I like that he got a hooker at a trailer park in Ohio. Right. He's worth 500 million and he propositioned online a hooker and a trailer park in Ohio. So he went over there or what happened? I guess so. How did they catch him? But the cops were waiting. I guess they were listening in or something. Oh, my God. They bust him right there. He puts on the orange jumpsuit. Awkward. Well, you know, the question here is, would he do it again? um what does do you think he gets a mulligan well what what else could he have done i mean most of these billionaires they would go to vegas and get a a discreet a thousand dollar an hour um escort yeah that is legal the evening well i guess he's probably saying i don't want a lot of witnesses you call it concierge there was a rumor that at one of the big hotels, I won't say which one, that a rich, rich guy stayed there and they said, here's a book.
48:44And they would give you, it was all Polaroids of all the girls, which is probably Instagrams now, which of these 15 would you want? Here's how much they are. We will add one in your room. I kind of believe that because, but you don't even want that guy knowing. So you wouldn't want, you know what I mean? So this guy probably says, I'll just run down to the local rub and tug and just see what's going on.
49:07Dana Carvey:Well, maybe he, without going in it, he may have a fetish for just having sex in a trailer park. Yeah. I've always wanted to do it in a trailer park and, you know, my wife didn't want to. So I just, it's the only way to kind of satisfy, scratch that itch. I remember you suggested your honeymoon should be in a trailer park. She said no. Yeah, I remember when you said you really wanted to make love on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Right. If it was on a really slow day in the backseat. That's my scratch itch. Ho, ho, ho, ho. I think this guy has gotten a little bit of, if not hot water, warm water about this.
49:53also just more of a sheepishly like she's all right i know it just it's more like kind of
50:01Dana Carvey:embarrassing i think it'll go away he'll just go yeah i was i just went crazy for is he married or not that's always the one i don't think he's married currently so 150 includes tip let's let's dig on this story a little bit dana or is there a tea set or the little croissants up front or What do you get for all that? What's the package? For$150, what do you get? You get pajamas to wear before and after? I don't think so. That's like the chicken ranch in Vegas. There's something in Vancouver, they say, that's like a little more classy. Oh, yeah. There's famous sort of bordellos in Nevada. Bordellos.
50:45Dana Carvey:Bordellos. Mustang Ranch. That's it. Oh, yeah. They really like - Not that I've ever been there. Make a more elegant name like Bordello, I think, sounds better than Jerk and Squirt. Yes. Oh, boy. Heather goes, oh, boy. Oh, boy. Not safe for work. Not safe for volume down. The Rubicon. We just had to make one sound more the opposite. Dude, bro. Bro. Bro. Come on, bro. All right, let's do another one. Seriously, bro. We'll do one more. We'll do another one. We can't end on that. These are hot takes, man. Yeah, these are some real hot takes. A lot of sexual, yeah. No, I don't like when they do this.
51:25Medical school says expecting people to be on time is white supremacy culture. I do hate that white supremacy is like the new buzzword, just you could throw at anything. It's racism. It's white supremacy. It's like we all know white people are horrible. We got it.
51:40Dana Carvey:Yeah, we're horrible and we're white. So we get it. We get it. Quit grinding it in. Can we not throw in be on time? I mean, being on time, really, the definition is you're five minutes late. That's what Whitey says. I've always heard that. If you're going to a meeting, don't just be on time. Be a little early. So I don't know what this means. It's just another way to say, don't worry. Just hate white people. Well, it's also, haven't other ethnicities wanted to be on, whatever that word is, Yeah, some of them. People want to be on time. Wanted to be on time? Was it always just a white guy going, come on, everybody.
52:22Dana Carvey:Yeah, we can't claim that one. From France, even? Want to be on time? I think everyone claims that one. Everyone says, hey, if we're going to do something, let's all gather around the same time. Yes. So I'm not taking a hit on that one. All right, one more and let's get on it. Let's get on with it. That story made me go, meh. Meh. Larry Bubbles Brown. Let me see if this will be a good one or not. Okay. During a Senate hearing on algorithmic consumer exploitation. Now, let's skip this one. We got too many politics ones. Is there any more? We'll save that for next week. Do we have a light one? Yeah, is there a fun one?
53:00Dana Carvey:There's one about a puppy or a flower.
53:06Dana Carvey:Lodi, California. Okay. The grape festival. Oh, the Gravitron. This used to be called a roundup at my carnival. Oh, yeah. together by three loose bolts. Oh, yeah. I would shit a brick, of course. Yeah, I got very sick. Look at their sideways. Okay. This is different because you got stuff to hang on to. I was just stuck against a wall. The worst is there's a guy singing. I would kill that guy. Kill that guy? What? Well, I wouldn't waste my breath singing and laughing. I'd say, call 911. It wasn't stopping. Yeah, it was out of control. See, now Heather gets it. It's a story now, Heather. Oh, that was like the third hour when they're upside down screaming.
53:54Dana Carvey:Yeah, I mean, I couldn't do it. Oh my God, it's like a twilight zone. I saw that last week. I saw two stories in articles going, word on the grown-up said, Fade and Rock are tired of standing. Oh, because you talked about it on our podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that and then I heard something else that we talked about. Oh, where I said, oh, I said, there's stories when I was on SNL and I said, Frick, what was the story? Oh, I said I was jealous. But really the story was when I was talking on this about it was there's something natural about being envious, whatever the right word is, about someone you're doing really good and you go, I have to get better.
54:39That was the point of the story is you can't be lackadaisical and gold break it when you see other people working going, I have to work that harder, harder. I got to get in the mix. I cannot. This is my big opportunity. That was the story. And that's kind of what they said. But I'm just saying people hear you go, oh, he's jealous. Like, well, that's not the whole story.
55:00Dana Carvey:Definitionally, because I looked it up. I look up things. What is it definition? Jealous is a little more negative than envy. Oh, is that what it is? Okay. Yeah. It's a little more. I'm envious. Whatever it is. Yeah. Envious can be kind of light. I like everybody. Look at my new Corvette. Oh, I'm so envious. That's awesome. You know, it's not. But jealous sounds a little. Like Lovitz. Jealous. Jealous. Palace intrigue that you may be actionable on your jealousy. You may sabotage this person. Well, then I took the wrong word because I still like everybody in this. No, they're both interchangeable.
55:37Dana Carvey:Look, I taught English for a while. Listen, as Steve Martin said, some people have a way with words and other people, you know, not have way, I guess. What else did Steve Martin say? That's one of his great jokes. Oh, he goes, I remember the great Maharaja told me something. I lived with him in India for three long years. He told me something every day I'll never forget. Every day he drilled this into my brain. He said, always. No, wait. Never. No, wait. No, always carry a letter bag in your car. If it ever gets full, you can just throw it out the window. All right. Good night, everyone. That was this closer.
56:17First, he can't remember what he said after he said he told him every day. Very Steve. And then he says something super stupid. Yeah. Love Steve Martin. Always have. Okay, Dana. I have to go. I know you're going to sit here for a while.
56:32Dana Carvey:I have to go, too. so you know it's been we'd made another show and it was really fun another 10 out of 10 banger yes this is what's gonna drive us into 2027 oh I go to Vegas this weekend oh okay come on let's get it out there come on now Nikki Glaser Ben when is the date haven't you been in Vegas already September 5th 6th I think oh okay 5th and 6th Friday Saturday two of the all time greats Two of the all-time heavy hitters of the world. Tickets are going fast. Extreme pressure on the tickets. Low ticket warning. But, you know, this is why I keep driving in on any minute off, is to go to a set because I take it seriously.
57:19I love Caesars. I love that gig. And I don't want to go in there, you know, when you're not practicing every day.
57:24Dana Carvey:You got to keep it up. I do it sometimes. It's really hard. There's nothing like getting on stage. I want to go in there. So I have a couple of new things I've been working on. Yeah. A couple other things. You have two new little things. It makes all the other things lift up. Yeah. For some reason. Yeah. Okay. Thanks everybody. Thanks everybody. And we'll see you soon. See you everywhere.
57:51All right. Listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that God dang button on your favorite podcast. Leave a review, a good one Leave a five star rating, nothing else Whoops And maybe even share an episode with a friend If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please Subscribe, Dana, what do you think?
58:15Dana Carvey:I'm gonna tell you this right now Hit me now, believe me later Fly on the Wall, believe it or not Is presented by Odyssey And executive produced by Hold for it Dana Carvey and David Spade Or David Spade and Dana Carvey We don't write this stuff Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox, with production support from Phil Sweetech. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lepore.
From the publisher
“I’ve Always Wanted to Do It In a Trailer Park”