Kam Patterson Could Never Have a Regular Job

22:12Dana Carvey:Who do you want to hook up with? I mean, a lot of times people go, hey, let's do something together Let's do it Well, I don't mean sexually I mean, comedically Yeah, you know everybody So is there people you do easily write with? Or are there some writers you get with? Yeah, I'll be with Solo a lot We kind of think the same My dog Carl Tartis And then The Harvard Boys Max and Tucker them a dog the Harvard there's always Harvard boys running even when I was there oh yeah Conan O 'Brien was a Harvard boy I think oh yeah him and Greg Daniels came in looking 13 I go guys it's not it's not gonna happen I'll be honest with you go back to Harvard yeah meanwhile they both have a hundred million dollars I said it ain't gonna happen Conan yeah I went to community college in Arizona and everyone's like that's about the feel you should be that's I said this is about as smart as I need to be Just doing jokes from the fucking street I don't know I did a community college for like a month And I failed a public speaking class You failed?

23:18Dana Carvey:Public speaking It's the only thing you're supposed to be good at My only thing everybody You shouldn't do that Not for you man, anything else Don't do this Go back to fucking celebration town Or whatever it's called I just want to know for people who haven't seen Kill Tony Like what was the one that you took off for you? Like there's, I like rocks or something like that. Or something. That's what changed. Could you just kind of walk us through that? Because you get one minute. Let's tell the audience to kill Tony big with three judges. Tony is clear. Brian Redman and like a celebrity. Two celebrities.

23:56Yeah. One or two celebrities. And then comics come out, draw the name out of a bucket. They walk out to a big audience usually. And they have one minute. one minute and then you know you might get roasted you could get roasted probably will

24:11Dana Carvey:get roasted yeah so it's by tony tony asked the questions other people can jump in this is from when i was there i'm kind of remembering and then you really it's probably on doesn't need to be said at this point but you have to say something interesting in the you got a minute so yeah they will lose quickly you'll lose the crowd so immediately and they want to see you like the The crowd will kill Tony. Tony will do a funny thing where he'll be like, who wants to see people do good on this show? People will make noise. And then they'll be like, no one will see them do bad. And they'll go insane.

24:44They want to see you feel. Doing good is great. They'll be cool with that. The crowd will enjoy that. But the crowd is like, no, no, no. Die. Yeah, it's funny.

24:54Dana Carvey:It's like the Roman Coliseum. It's a gladiatorial thing. But when I watch and I see a clip of someone and when it works, I love it. I'm like, you cut through all the bullshit and you actually, they're getting asked questions and they're getting laughs. And I'm like, holy shit, this is like golden buzzer on AGT. Like they're going to get something out of this, something. And it is stressful to come up with another one, I guess. Oh, no, the minutes were rough. I mean, it was like a thing where it's like, when I first got on the show, doing a minute every week, I was two years into comedy. So I had like, I had probably like 10 jokes that I could give to the show.

25:29As soon as those jokes ran out Hey I had a time I tell you that That's a horrible feeling Can you headline yes I have three full minutes That's all I got for real

25:41Dana Carvey:Yeah that's the hard part I was headlining Vegas once at the Desert Inn And I went I did everything I thought I had and it was only 30 minutes I had to dance For at least a half Hour dude that's pre That's pre crowd work like no one was doing crowd work now you can just bullshit and really burn time well that's why i got a guitar so then i like started singing a song about the audience that's good for 10 you can get one get one camp yeah so when i what was the moment that you got okay i'm doing this this is what i'm doing it's kind of heady stuff because it seems like for me it was like am i really doing this is this gonna happen am i going to make a living i mean what would you have a goal in your head because I always thought, could I make the same, maybe like in those days, could I make a thousand a month from standup?

26:30Dana Carvey:And then that's my job. To cover my stuff. It's a very interesting crossover to doing open mics, scrambling five bucks, 10 bucks to then making a lot of money in the club. So how are you feeling? And when did that happen? It happened like right after the rock thing. I think right after I said the rock thing, I was on the road. Truly like I blinked and I was like, I was like, you know, random did it. And were you on the road before that or no? No. No. I was, because the whole thing going to Austin was just getting like, I want to get on Kilton just to get my name out there just a little bit. I didn't think the whole, I didn't, I truly didn't go into it thinking it was going to like change my life the way it did.

27:09I just, I just wanted more people to know that I did stand up, you know, because you move real long time. I just wanted more people to know. You were doing stand up in New York at his clubs, is that what you're saying? No, I was doing stand-up in Orlando. Oh, in Orlando. Not a big comedy scene, but you're finding like one-nighters and shit. And then you go to Austin, of all places. And to get on Tony, Dana, as you might know, for the audience, when I went there, there was probably 100, 200 people stuffed in a room waiting to go. And we were bullshitting with people after their set. And we probably got to 12 people, right?

27:45It's not that many. No, it's not. Truly, I mean, on a good night. probably getting nine or ten yeah yeah and so it's a long shot yeah i'll tell y 'all i'll tell y 'all this i'll tell you the craziest this is the craziest story when i first started my first time on the show right i'm uh i signed up every week i probably signed up at this point probably like let's say like three four months in a row like every monday for three four months i haven't gotten on yet and i remember thinking to myself i was like oh like i keep coming here i keep signing up i'll keep i'm not getting pulled i'm not i'm not getting on stage i don't feel like i'm getting it any better with stand-up.

28:19So what I did was I did a show at the Creek in the Cave, which is kind of the street from the mothership. Creek in the Cave, yep. And I put my name in the book for Killed Tony, but I wasn't going back. I just wasn't. I was like, ah, I'm not going to go back. So I went and did the Creek in the Cave show, and then that was great. And then I got a phone call because I had, I wanted to do a Don't Tell special. It was like one of my goals in common was to do like a Don't Tell special. So I'm going to do that really bad, right? and the situation was I got the phone call for the Don't Tell special when I was at the creek in the cave and I wanted to go tell my homeboy White Cam about it and when I went back to go tell them about it I got the special because he was waiting for Kilton they pulled my name whoa that's cool I like that and what is what is a No Tell show just to back up for the audience oh Don't Tell show is like New Economists get like a 10 minute special they get 10 minutes did you have 10 yeah i had 10 then i got on kill tony and i never ended up doing it oh okay so you never did it so that's good so after that since kill tony have you you've been on the road more obviously do you go out with other kill tony guys yeah we do the kill of the kill tony we were doing that before i got on snl oh yeah good good yeah montgomery who is on that with you oh montgomery casey rocket or are madden uh david lucas um hans can't will come it was It was like, it was rotate between like four of us.

29:46And then whoever can make it will make it. And we'll just do theaters together. There's an Asian girl I saw the other day. Is she on any of these? Do you know who I'm talking about? She was known when I was on. I know you're talking about her. I forget her name, but I know you're talking about her. Yeah, she's very funny. Yeah. So I'm sorry, I don't remember her name.

30:02Dana Carvey:Did SNL come and see you do stand-up? Was that your audition kind of? Or did you just come and riff around? What I truly think happened was I was, I did a movie with Marcelo and Ben last summer, seven, two hours. Okay. Yeah. And so I was with them for like, I mean, it felt like summer camp. I was with them when they, I remember Ben asking me, he was like, Hey man, would you, would you audition if they, if they asked? And I was like, Hey, but you've been around me for a month and a half dog. You know, that's never going to happen. Never give me that shot, brother. You know that you, you, you know the guy you're talking to right now.

30:38Well you're right there in a big movie With Kevin Hart I mean that's That's So that's before SNL You got The 72 hours Oh wow When did you do that That's a while ago then We did that Last summer It takes about a year to come out Yeah

30:54Dana Carvey:So when You're doing the movie You're not getting cast And then pretty soon You're getting You got cast What happened How'd you get that How'd you get the movie You're in the movie You're doing the movie and you're not on SNL yet? Did I get that right? No, yeah, I'm not on SNL yet. No, sir. And you did it last summer. Mm-hmm. And then you started on SNL in September. So what happened? Did Marcelo help? Did Marcelo... I think Ben and Marcelo had it. So I feel like they said they didn't, but it's something in my mind. I feel like they did. Well, they might have been asked about you. Like when Sandler was brought up, when I was there, I was there with Rob Schneider and then Chris Rock and Farley came four shows later and then Sandler's name was talked about and of course we were all just trying to push it wasn't our we can't really get anyone on but we can help fan the flames you know what I mean like say yeah yeah yeah this would be great this guy's a good writer good funny and so I think when enough people sort of you hear it if you're Lauren or talent it helps so I'm sure it helps definitely help yeah plus you're in a movie I mean there's something somebody gambled on you for some reason you know and now you have another part in a movie right I think Yeah, I'm doing Love, Love right now.

32:06Dana Carvey:What's that? It's a tennis movie with Tyreek Rivers and Elizabeth May, I think his name. Very, very great, great actor. They fine. And it's like a tennis movie, tennis rom-com. Oh, tennis rom-com. Tennis rom-com, that's right. Now, do you love doing movies or is stand-up your thing? I mean, what are all... Stand-up was like my first love. I love stand-up, but I like acting. I like movies and stuff like that. Yeah. It's a natural exercise. Dana knows that you came by bus boys and helped us out and did a day on that. We had a fun time, right? Great time. I thank you again for that, man. I was dope.

32:39Of course. Of course. That was a great time. Yeah. I was number one on Hulu for two weeks last month. Yeah. Come on now. Yeah. Come on. No, I love it. It's number four now. It's still hanging in there, man. Really? Yeah. I don't know why. I looked the other day. I go, oh man, we're still hanging in there. So I don't know how Hulu works, but I'll take it. Yeah. And then you got, so then you run back to SNL in a week or so. do you already start trying to figure out? I used to, in my experience, Dana did a lot better, but when I was there, I would say, ooh, I'm loaded up for this season. And I would load up, and after the first week, I was out.

33:14I was like, something got on or something didn't, and then I go, secondly, now it starts coming too fast. Yeah. Emma Stone's your host. This is your host. Olivia Rodrigo. Oh, here we go. We got Indy Navarrete. And you're like, oh, shit, oh, shit. Especially if someone, like, if it's like, uh 40-ish male white host two weeks in a row then you got three females and you're like god i should i resubmit this because indie could play this now you know let's try it again because that last show had too many good sketches it wasn't like mine was bad it's so complicated man it starts to get hard fast i like that i like i like the challenge of that the the the no sick i think that's one thing about that they helped me when when it came to kill tone i had to have something ready every week yeah and that was just me but now i like the fact that I got like, you know what I'm saying, like a team and stuff.

34:02So that's dope. Yeah. It gets you off your ass, that's for sure, because you have a gun to your head every week. Getting it moving. I like that. I like that pressure. I enjoy that pressure. Really? Well, it means you're doing something. Yeah, you're like, you're probably laying around in Orlando going, I wish I had that pressure right now, because I got it. A hundred percent.

34:18Dana Carvey:Well, I like that it moves fast. Like a show is like, takes place in like five days. So you think of something maybe on a Tuesday. Then it's on national TV, hopefully on Saturday. That's fun. that's nice that is the greatest part yeah because movies you have to wait yeah like Dana you know we didn't have this but when you walk off update if you can address me when you're not in the show you can look at your phone and people are like dude I just saw you I'm 3 ,000 miles away I just saw you crazy my mama I finished the update my mama called me immediately she said it was good baby I liked it that one and you go I'll do one next week she goes oh I wouldn't I wouldn't So her nickname for you, she always says baby.

35:02Dana Carvey:Oh, baby. Oh, baby, that's good.

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39:14my grandma do that to my grandma called one time and she goes I wasn't in much in one episode and she just goes hey I'm gonna tell you something baby even I saw you in the back and I said there go my little chocolate drop that's all I needed to see I said thank you grandma I appreciate it I know my mom was peeled had her eyes peeled for the white chocolate at the good nights like she goes I saw you up there and I'm like I shouldn't even be legally allowed I did nothing I wasn't in this show and they go get up there Marcy would go get up there Lauren notices when you're not up there I go no he doesn't even know I'm here everyone has a nose for the lens or not

39:54Dana Carvey:but for the good nights it's always kind of awkward I get up you know like do you go out front and wave to your family or kind of hang in the back come up later or what's your strategy for the good night. How many host hugs? Oh, I'm trying to think how many host hugs I got. I want right now, I think I'm at like, I don't got too many host hugs. And I really be, unless we talk like throughout the week, I really be nervous, you know? I hugged Madonna, that was cool. You hugged her? Oh my God, the balls. You hugged Madonna. I'm gonna try something. Hey, hello. Yeah, I'm gonna try something. Hey, hello.

40:29Madonna, she's not too big. You get right in there, you give her a hug. Yeah. And I'm real good at life You know when it comes to the camera I'm little I'm good at fitting into the gaps

40:41Dana Carvey:Or you follow Like football you follow Marcelo Let him create a lane And then you pop out from him There's a decoy over here And then you come this way Who have you met I mean Madonna But that's on SNL Because sometimes for us Someone's waiting down you should go say hello to the host and, and, you know, it'd be like Madonna or, or, you know, Charlton Heston. Or music guest. Like have you been starstruck or really wanted to say hello to a musician or a, you know, you meet a lot of famous people there. A-Sat Rock was huge. That was a big one for me. Okay. He was, he was huge. I've been listening to A-Sat Rock in my whole entire life.

41:22So when he came through, I was like, oh, I was like, I was stuck. Yeah. When did you go see him? Do you wait for music rehearsal? Oh, we did a sketch together that got cut. Oh, he was in a sketch too. Oh, that's fun. Was he the host? No, he was a musical guest. Okay, but they put him in a sketch. Okay, he's a good famous. I'm trying to do those words that week. Oh, who was the main host, yeah. But that's cool. So you got to see him and did you tell him you liked him? I was like, hey man, he was a fan. But it was dope because he knew me a little bit from Kill Torn. So that was pretty cool. Oh, good, good, good, yeah.

41:55And then you did a sketch and it got axed. Does your sketches that get axed go online sometimes or no? Well, no, I was in that sketch. But for the most part last season, I did a bunch of updates. I ain't really into the sketches. Oh, fuck it. It's good. But, you know, I see that sometimes.

42:15Dana Carvey:Yeah, you do the Harry Potter guy. I see on my Instagram there's a sketch that got cut. And you're like, it got cut? And they're like, yeah, here it is. I'm like, oh, so this is from Dress. So it's a little rough on the edges. But sometimes they throw that out there. And that still helps. You know, if you get, they see it, if it's still kind of funny, at least you're out there. But yeah, Update's probably the place, you know, by yourself, right at the camera. Yeah. Dana was big on Update. He did it all. I used to do catchphrases. I wasn't good at jokes. It was all rhythm. What are you going to do about it?

42:47He does Mike Tyson.

42:48Dana Carvey:Yeah, what are you going to do about it? I love this thing where this guy's asking Mike Tyson who's going to vote for, and Tyson goes, I'm going to vote for Trump. and then Mike does this thing how his eyes go and he goes what are you going to do about it and the guy actually got kind of nervous you're going to vote for Trump you're going to vote for Trump yeah I'm going to vote for Trump so what are you going to do about it I mean like we're going to fight what are you going to tell Mike Tyson exactly nothing I'm doing nothing about it what are you going to do about it I don't want to do this but it's a fun thing to say Anyway, it catches up here.

43:27Dana Carvey:Now, what if you came out with a puppet that is like... Okay, talk to me. And it looks like you, and you call it Baby Cam. Right. I'm just starting with just some visuals. That's like sort of a... I like that. We'll do something with that. Yeah, I won't say any more. You can't do it like this, and you got it down here, and you go, you have someone with you? I don't see anyone. You go like this. And Baby Cam. And you go, uh-oh, somebody had a baby. It's Baby Cam. And maybe you put your hand up when you do his voice, just like a really bad ventriloquist. It's like I'm not even trying to hide it.

44:01He's talking right now. Listen to me. I'm talking.

44:04Dana Carvey:And Baby Cam has a blue streak. Baby Cam, you got to shush him up because he will say anything. He's only learned bad words. But then you go, Colin, maybe kiss the baby. No, no, no. Go ahead. You don't want to? I'm not going to lie. I think we own something here, man. All right. I think we're figuring something out. there's cam patterson with baby cam i'm just thinking of colin's and then come in the audience applause and he goes so cam you brought and you go shh don't wake the baby and then he woke up and it's always good to make fun of colin make fun of colin because he's such a great straight man and the way his reaction yeah baby cam goes hey your white friend and you go So, hey, hey, that's the main anchor.

44:49Dana Carvey:Okay, we'll release this after the season premiere, just in case you want to do it. We're just brainstorming. We're just brainstorming. That just had popped in my head. I do. I really like the baby camera. I think that's fine. Just have him have a little angle. Maybe he reviews movies or something, or tells you about his weekend. And it's way more fun than your weekend. Anyway, other than that, I don't know. So, let me, wait, go ahead, Dana. That's right. That's right, Dana. So you toured all summer and you were doing the movie kind of. So is this the first time I'm just trying to think financially, because I was watching these San Jose improv.

45:28Dana Carvey:It's 450 seats and double, you know, two shows a night. This adds up. So you're kind of making and you're doing the movies. You're kind of accruing wealth, right? You're a little bit more flush than you've ever been. Yes, sir. And it feels good, right? It's a blessing. Yeah. I just wanted to be a working comic, man. This is like, you feel me more than I could ask for. I remember the first time I made a big paycheck and it was like, holy shit, there's money in this. From this? From me doing this? The stupid shit? Yeah, this shit I've been doing like since I was in school. They told me no. They told me do not do this.

46:05They told me it's a bad idea. They told me to sit down and be quiet. And now they're giving me money for this? Now you got a couple beans in your jeans? Beans in my jeans I like that

46:17Dana Carvey:Beans in my jeans Did you have you done any That's what maybe baby Cam can say We got a few beans in my jeans Yeah beans in your We got beans in our jeans That's right baby Cam He goes I did a few gigs this week And you go you did Where was I Oh I thought I told you Yeah baby Cam's headlining Sir laughs a lot Yeah, they think I'm funnier than you. It's like, how? How are you funny without me? Do the little update thing, man. Do your thing. Yeah, don't worry about it. I'm going to take this one off. Let's see how good you do by yourself. And you're like, well, I do need you a little bit. He goes, oh, there we go.

46:55There we go.

46:55Dana Carvey:You do need me. Did you buy anything? Did you buy a stereo or a car? Is there anything you always wanted? Or are you still just chilling with the money? When I was in Austin, I was doing a bunch of, I remember I wanted to buy a car. I wanted to buy a Cadillac Blackwing. And I called my dad and I told him about it. And then my dad goes, my dad just went, hey, listen to me. Hey, hey. We buy cash cards around here. And so I bought three cash cards that exploded in my face. What's a cash card? From Facebook Marketplace? A cash card. And you pay cash? In cash, yeah. In cash, I see. So what did you end up getting?

47:36I got so at first I got like this this very old beat up 2003 Honda no what it was a it was it was a Honda something it was old though Accord maybe yeah yeah okay and then I got a as I'm saying something like I'm going backwards I got a 94 Impala

47:57Dana Carvey:okay that's a cool car yeah yeah cool car and then I got a then I got a a 2016 Infiniti Nice Instead of buying a car that I should have bought That was brand new So you have three cars now Instead of one Really good car They all blew up in my face Alright I got another one for Baby Cam So when he comes up you go Colin Guess who it is and when he comes up You just see his hair like that it's like your hair sticking up And you go guess who it is I give you three guesses he goes I'm pretty sure it's Baby Cam You're like yes it is Of course it is I'm trying this I'm going to try it Is baby Cam in a diaper But looks just like you But does he have a diaper on Oh yeah with a chain and a diaper He really is shining for real Baby Cam is getting mostly to the minute Yeah maybe a little hair on his chest Because he's naked Colin goes is he wearing a diaper And you go what are you looking at You both go Don't look at the baby's wiener What are you doing He's like I'm not looking I'm just wondering if he has any clothes on.

49:07We're on TV.

49:07Dana Carvey:I can't tell sometimes. Then you hold the baby's butt up to Colin's face. Do you think he needs a change? Yeah, at the end, Colin goes, I think we go. I think you better go. I think you got a stinky diaper situation. He goes, you talking to me? Well, somebody has it. I'm not saying you. It's whether you do like a slightly different voice for Baby Cam, like a raspy voice or a higher voice. I'm Baby Cam. I'm Baby Cam. Yeah, just higher. That's all I got to do I'm Baby Cam That's all I'm Baby Cam Hey I like this You know SNL You never know Baby Cam goes Where Sarah Sherman You go Don't worry about that later Don't be looking at the girls here Baby Sherman comes out at the end And she rolls out And she's got a diaper And they start Clannin' on each other It's Baby Sherman Anyway Good night I'm Cam Patterson And this has been The Weekend Update I'm telling y 'all man I think we I think we might have We got something We got something Okay We'll hopefully Get some Harvard guys involved Get in there Dumb it down a little bit And it'll be It'll work What else for Cam Before we go Dana What do you think Anything Just enjoyed hanging out with you Yeah You have an extreme Likeability factor Which is a big part of comedy You know You know what Audience likes you Good skin Not too many zits You look good Oh man It's gonna go pretty safe yeah you're cute you're cute and likable and funny so i think um the only thing you could say to your younger self is just enjoy it as much as you can have some fun just just try to keep it fun all the time i always tell you know you can't get your feelings hurt at snl nothing's personal never complain never explain just be happy to be there yeah you know that's what i said to myself 100 % and always come from fun you know audience loves fun alright boss thanks and we'll look for you on the season this year yeah enjoy hey guys if you're loving this podcast which you are be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app give us a review five star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend if you're watching this episode on YouTube please subscribe we're on video now Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

51:33Dana Carvey:Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweetech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.