Kimmel + Free Speech Perspectives & A Shared Love Of Airports

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0:48Welcome to the show. Obviously, we didn't get to talk about Jimmy Kimmel last week. We'll talk about him this week in a minute.

0:54Dana Carvey:In a few minutes, we're going to weigh in on that entire situation. And I don't want to brag, but probably our point of view will be the wisest, maybe. Or just most important. Most important. So anyway, to more important news, hey, how was your weekend co-host? So when I did this show this weekend, it was for Farm to Veterans. So, you know, it's a charity show in Chicago. This guy, Tom Tran, was on the show with me. He went first. And it's funny because he had to kind of host the whole thing. and he showed us these glasses he had on. I go, that was a mouthful out there. He goes, oh yeah, just put these glasses on and the teleprompters in them.

1:35Have you seen those? Oh yeah, yeah. Very hip. I have not seen those. Is that what Mark Zuckerberg's working on? Something like that?

1:43Dana Carvey:Oh, the Meta glasses are a miracle, really, for people who are blind. They just make you... My mother-in-law is 94 and has trouble seeing, so she'll hold up a can of something and say, Meta, what's in there? And it'll read the ingredients. Oh, I thought it was just like, Meta, what's on Facebook? And it would show it right there. I think it's all that too. I think you just walk around with the glasses, you put down your iPhone, and just walk around with them. You just go, Meta, show me CNN.com right now. And it will show up and you'll hear it. So I was also reading up on Jimmy Kimmel and a million other things on Yahoo News.

2:23Oh, that's a good one. Turned into my mom. and the funny thing is there was some dopey story so i went to their comments i've already made one move i went to the comments they love that okay what are people saying about this and it could be something you know about the poop cruise or it doesn't have to be anything important i'm just like mindlessly drifting through and people have thousands of comments about different things about the poop cruise or whatever millions and then i go oh i have a funny joke i'm gonna put in and I click on it and it says, would you like to join our crazy community of people that comment on Yahoo News?

3:01I go, no, thank you. I mean, they're making another thing I got to do. I'm going to really. So then I go, I know, listen, I do have a lot of free time. I either have too much free time or none. But when I have too much, I don't still have the time to click it and log in and they give up password and give them my fucking email. Immediately, you got to give me your email for anything.

3:20Dana Carvey:Oh, yeah. So they can fucking carpet bomb you. Land and grab. My thing is like, uh, sometimes one of the things I subscribe to in a way, Hey, would you like to weigh in Dana? It's just sort of like, Whoa, hold on. Hey Dana, you've got some stupid shit. Dana, what do you have to say? And I'm like a celebrity with a small C, but what is it? Is it like, Hey Brad Pitt want to make a comment? I don't know. Hey Bradley. Yeah. And I'm going all that way to make a comment about something dumb that no one cares about. I go, but man, thousands of people are doing it. Yeah, millions. I'm going to go out on a limb.

3:57Yeah, I sound condescending, but it's like, I like when people say the word wrong. I'm condescending.

4:05I want to get orientated. Wait, orientated is a word, I think, wait.

4:11Dana Carvey:Yeah, orientated. Orientated, but there's another one people say that I don't like. Reorientated. I would just say this about all this stuff, and I know it's not a newsflash. Check yourself. If going online and being angry and posting and doing all this stuff makes you happy, go for it. If it makes you sad or furious, you might want to tamp it down a little bit because these algorithms, these machines, first they got us all hooked in 2010, 11, 12, and it was just sort of to buy things and go here and there. And now it's to incur rage. And the algorithms know now that rage is the emotion that makes them the most money.

4:54Dana Carvey:Top five emotions on the board. Rage, number one. Number one. So we're in a science fiction movie where these robots are making us really, really mad. I know this isn't new, but check yourself, man. And I see people who are so in a state of hysteria about politics or anything or climate change or whatever. But, you know, once in a while, I'll give your brain a rest. That's my hot take. It's a fucking boiling take. All right. Should we talk about Jimmy Kimmel? Why not? Jimmy, who is a friend of both of ours. That's why it's hard to talk about these things because, you know, he's a buddy. I have a picture of me and Jimmy in my house.

5:37Do I have one of me and you? Yeah, married, turned like this.

5:41Dana Carvey:I don't really go out much. There's not many of me photos of me. I'm underground, man. I'm just kind of a regular person. I got a picture of me and you in here. Don't you worry. When people say to me, oh, my God, it's Dana Carvey, I go, calm down. I'm pathetically normal. That's the phrase I get. Really? Yeah, I'm pathetically normal. There's nothing here for you. Jimmy Kimmel, though, you know, I think also it's good to take a knee sometimes, not comment right away. because now we're commenting after his monologue last night, which I thought was tremendous. You know, I really thought it was perfect.

6:20And it was emotional.

6:23Dana Carvey:I mean, I'm reading it here. And this really about his thing. Yeah, read some of it because I didn't see it. Yeah, about his statement. Because when there's a shooter, each side wants it to be, you know, from the other side. You know, that's the competition. That's politics. That means you're all the shooter. you know so all you guys are bad yeah that's the game going on that's a quick thing so he made a statement he said i that was really the opposite of the point i was trying to make so he said but to some that felt felt ill-timed or unclear or maybe both and for those who think i did point a finger i get why you're upset if the situation was reversed there's a good chance i would have felt the same way.

7:08Dana Carvey:So that's a, you know, what's the word apology? I don't know. That's a kind of a pointed, you know, hat in hand, but that's definitely, he's clear thinking, I think. And it's both sides itis, which is great. you know, and before I go into the whole FCC part of it, I was really moved. I saw the Charlotte Kirk's widow, and I'm familiar with you know, tragedies and things like that. So she really moved me and she did Jimmy Kimmel. I did hear you said that, yeah. Yeah. So if you believe in the teachings of Jesus as I do, there it is. That's it. A selfless act of grace, forgiveness from a grieving widow.

7:54Dana Carvey:And it touched me deeply. That's Jimmy. If there's anything we should take from this tragedy to carry forward, I hope it can be that and not this. so I thought it was just and he was emotional about that because that thing you know in the end of the day we're all Americans somebody got assassinated you know and ideally we just come from it rather than political points we just we just sort of take a grace it's sad and move on yeah sure yeah everyone has their own thoughts about it but yeah I agree I mean and the freedom of speech thing is is so murky and muddy and as is you know well it's not a hot take for us to say we're all for freedom of speech sure the Ku Klux Klan could walk down streets and say whatever they wanted when I was a little kid I was like oh you have to allow speech you really don't like for freedom of speech I don't think they do that anymore I think there's hate speech and then who decides what's hate speech is it someone that you disagree with that's hate to me, not hate to you and also people I mean when you're on SNL, Charles Rocket got fired for saying fuck and fuck!

9:08Like you say, there's layers to it like when I go on talk shows I don't say whatever I want I say I'm going to talk about these things I said well I'd rather you not, why don't you talk about this why don't you talk about this, I wouldn't say that and it's just so woven into your everyday of what is free speech there's no I mean if some boss above you you know people get fired and things like that i thought i was glad jimmy didn't get fired he got sort of a slap on the wrist and it it's fcc then it's affiliates then it's advertisers you're answering to so many people and if they don't agree with you then i think you everyone has a boss and they say i don't like what you're saying so and he's very strong in his opinions so he says them but they took a pause and then i guess they fixed it but i i didn't say anything because i thought i don't think he's going to be fired for that i think they're going

10:02Dana Carvey:to say hey come on let's stop it's basically breath here basically one line it is a there's different different layers to this you know just the first one the chairman of the fcc which which is maybe it's archaic or whatever it's public broadcasting it's abc cbs nbc it's not cable It's not John Oliver. It's not HBO. Oh, it's just the... It's just those for the public good. But when the guy came out, and I would say it to his face, I'd say, when you say, regards Jimmy Kimmel's, whatever that's going to happen to him, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. It's like... When do those guys talk anyway?

10:38This guy's like on podcasts. I'm like, why am I seeing this guy talk? You don't see him a lot. Am I crazy?

10:44Dana Carvey:Right. No, just be the FCC chairman. And he kind of steps in shit when he talks. It's like, oh, now we get to analyze everything you said. Right. And so that push buttons for both sides, really. Ted Cruz came out. No, no, no. Take it easy. Let's slow down. And, you know, I was, when I did the Dana Carvey show, I like to bring things back to me. But this is 97. And we're after home improvement. And we did some Clinton with teats and something that crushed the ratings and offended a lot of people. So we immediately started losing advertisers. We immediately started losing affiliates. And so we lasted eight episodes.

11:27Dana Carvey:Affiliates. I know. I say affiliates all the time. I don't even know what they are. Stations, you know. Stations in cities. Chattanooga. Yes, stations in cities. WKRP. And so a lot of those stations, I don't know, some in Portland and Seattle didn't do it. But I thought in conservative states, they might be more prone to that. Sure. I wish the FCC chairman hadn't said that, you know. But I think that Jimmy's talk last night, I think, kind of put it in a completely different tilt, different conversation. Yeah, I would say not as much of an apology. So he didn't really have to say his apology. I think it's more of just a level-headed discussion.

12:06He was probably heated the first day when he was doing his monologue, of course. We all do that.

12:12Dana Carvey:Yeah, I mean, I looked up this a little bit, and it kind of started like I did because there's two kinds of, I looked it up, took five seconds, but we do parse our word because I never want to be up there like, hey, I'm on TV, and my opinion really matters. That's just me personally. So I'm very, very careful about teaching the audience. I'm always going for the laugh. I'm not saying this in a self-congratulatory way because sometimes you go, I want to weigh in on that. And we do in our own way. But it kind of started in the early knots. Jon Stewart, who's brilliant at The Daily Show, really started going after Cheney and Debbie and all that.

12:59Dana Carvey:And that was a very political show, very funny. And then it continued. And it's for us from the Carson era, you know, we were just looking for laughs and this and that. And Greg Gutfeld does the right. So this is a whole different era we're in. But I tried to think the last time the country was completely united. I'm going to give you a chance to guess. I would go back to 9-11. I don't know. That's it. Oh, no, really? Okay. Politics went out the window. And you kind of have to remember that when we don't have buildings falling down. You know, we're Americans first. And we argue and we go crazy at each other.

13:44Dana Carvey:but if if someone attacks us that's when i go okay hold on hey but i i would i would go out on a limb and say it's still a great country overall i'd rather be here than other countries but that's controversial so now i'm thinking if you say america's a great country that will that'll light up twitter and stuff no fuck you man i'm meaning it in the context i'm saying it i like you're even explaining it it's so funny it's true though people get so mad about it like back to i have a tragically stupid bit i could do for you but it's too much of a change up from this and i have a bit i have a bit that i thought of that i'm going to give to you because you're the guy okay good give me that first and then that'll bomb and then i'll i'll be i'll do the well i was laughing you know at the your jason's state straight oh yeah the clip we had last week It's funny that he just says the title of the movie, and that's kind of, basically, I'm the beekeeper, or I'm the working man.

14:45Dana Carvey:So I thought, what if he had an unwieldy thing? I'm the baker, and then you did it after me, I'm the baker down the street who specializes in apple pie. It's very unwieldy, but he has to say it menacingly. I'm the baker down the street who specializes in apple pie. I'm the You mess with the wrong baker Because I walk down the street At the cobbler store And it's kind of Kitty corner from where you Well But say I specialize in apple pie Like I'm gonna kill you No I can't remember the whole bit though But I'm the baker There you go you do it better anyway I don't think so I go Michael Caine immediately I'm the baker down the street And I specialize In apple pie Okay Like it's a threat Yeah That was the beekeepers good Because like you said Keep it fucking simple We did some pickups On Busboys this weekend Because There's some There's some questions When you see it Like Questions we try to answer Like Why did you do this movie What is this movie I don't understand this movie Oh clarity Clarity Clarity Yeah Yeah So we did some Clarity Clarity and it was kind of fun to be back in the wig.

16:04Snug it on a little WD-4 in my head.

16:08Dana Carvey:WD-4 and it doesn't go like. It's got that little straw. Does it? It's got the straw in the end of mine. No, it's got the straw, but it doesn't go. No, no, no. All right. But the squeaky wig does. So they got to attach your skull. Then what happened? Then what happened? Don't be so unenthused. Then what happened? I did some pickups. More clarifying. Not reshoots. It's just like, oh, this. Now, listen. Is it fucking Casablanca? I don't know. What's a good movie? Is it Inception? We got to answer all the questions. Christ sakes. What are we doing here? Spudley. What are you making? Dumb and unbelievably dumber?

16:47Dana Carvey:What is this? Return of the Pink Panther Part 17? What are you going for? Anything with Dennis. We can't go a goddamn show without Dennis. It's so great. Well, this is, yeah. All right, here's, I'm going to do an act out for you. Ready? This is, I watch those locked up abroad shows where you go through customs and everyone's trying to smuggle shit and they never learn. You know, you smuggle stuff in through the TSA. Okay, that's the setup, right? Okay, that's the setup. Got it. So the guy brings the suitcase full of like, we see on the, I get alerted in my earpiece. I'm the customs guy, right?

17:26this is gonna fucking bomb i'm the customs guy i love it and then i get alerted this guy's got in the x-ray machine 20 pounds of cocaine so they walk up to me and i go hey how you doing today friendly and they're nervous what are we doing here let me check out that passport okay oh brazil fun a lot of cute girls there i wish i was in brazil right now it's a fun time so what do we got going here a little business trip a little pleasure i already know already and he's like oh it's a business okay all right well uh you mind if we take a little look-see in here uh just typical we pull random people out just unzip it check it you don't mind if i take i'm sure everything's fine oh boy oh my shoulder's so sore you gotta get a purple one you know my friend has a purple suitcase open it up that seems fine here let me just dig through a little bit that's all I know in my head he's got 20 pounds of cocaine.

18:23Anything you want to tell me? Anything? It's all good? It's all good? Should I keep digging? It doesn't matter. Oh, you got a teddy bear here. Oh, any reason it weighs 80 pounds? Take him away. But I build up trust. I'm friendly the whole time. That's what they do. No, that's a funny observation. They do that.

18:42Dana Carvey:What's going on here? You see a guy lighting a bong. The guy's like sweating. You guys having a little party? I assume they're trained at some place in that pattern. Probably their first attempt in class might be terrible. Hey, what are you doing? No, no, no. I got to come in soft. Yeah. What they want to say is, this guy looks guilty from my racial profiling. Can you come over here? So they can't say that. So they go, hey, we're randomly pulling people that are drenched in sweat out of the line. I'm going to my favorite place today. I'm going to the airport. You are not Yeah No, Dana I love it Oh, shoes, keys, everything comes out Oh, fuck it Laptops, watches, belts Dude, Heather made the mistake this week She brought water What a criminal Didn't you bring your water through?

19:37That's okay, I was gonna refill it She was gonna refill it, but the guy's like Like he caught the big fucking mob boss And she's like, right, my water. What do you want me to do? Can I just fucking go? And he's like, oh, I wish it was that simple. Don't you remember 9-11? Not much. He's like, I don't remember them throwing water on anyone. So then she has to go back, dump it.

20:01Dana Carvey:Okay, here's the secret. Because I saw it in Denver. My mother-in-law, we were going to the Denver airport. My mother-in-law walks fine, but it's like seven miles to get to the gate. Oh, Denver's. Yeah, ridiculous. Yeah. You know, I have, you know, so anyway, so my wife and I are behind her and we have a guy with her and we're just blowing through doors. We're just going everywhere. We have a guide. A guide taking us past this, waving at me. Everybody's happy. Go, go, go. That's the way to go through it. Otherwise, it's like, how are you guys doing today? You know what the worst part is? The guy goes, like, if you get a greeter and they go, they get like eight bags.

20:40they go okay beep beep the guy goes hey i got us a little cart because it's about a mile and i go no i want to walk we got an hour he's like yeah huh and i'm like you can ride if you want no i'm gonna walk with these guys then i tipped the lady because she pulled her cart up that i didn't ask for anyway then we walk and the guy's like all he's thinking is why does this prick want to walk and i'm like because i just i'm gonna sit for six hours dude well and also you you going

21:11Dana Carvey:through and you're david spade you look like miss america or something they're all walking hello i'm on tv yeah beep they're always like man get the fuck out of the way we got whoever this is yeah it's the guy from that thing you saw on that thing over that time you know him you know him come on man oh heather like this one we did our reshoots the other day or whatever we called them and we're at this little beach bungalow i don't want to give the whole movie away i'm already heather knows the guy that the guy that rents you the place this is all our favorite term inside baseball meanwhile it's never about baseball so he goes um he's a guy nice looking guy with big hot dog bags under his eyes right this is other people's words So, perfectly.

22:01Well, he's an older gentleman, and he owns the four little shacks on the beach. We were looking for sort of an inexpensive little apartment.