McDonald’s Mustard and SNL Wigs

26:25Dana Carvey:Wants the little one to go to the vet. Get shots, get it really cleaned out, all that kind of stuff. Has to take the mama in the little trailer. So they leave, and this has happened before. So Sad Sack, Roja, they don't realize his buddies are coming back. So he starts neighing so loud, the entire neighborhood is calling us like, what's uh what's going on with that horse are you guys all right over there like it's so freaking loud and we're trying to feed so that was you know it was it was nice i mean the other thing is that the mother now is probably already pregnant that just had the baby it'd been three weeks they took her to the stud farm the horse and it's not a joke its name is the beast and next week i'm going to show a short video of the beast just coming out of the arena and to the sounds that the beast is making is quite quite unbelievable peter north all the big these are porn names girth master he took her took her to girth master well they're they get very excited when we feed them so we wanted to take the fly mask off because a friend around here says hey she shouldn't have that fly mask on all all night so paula wanted to take it off so i had to backseat doctors these these fly masks which help their eyes but then they get really dirty so she's taking on so i'm frantically feeding it carrots but the big horse mcgross a big mama if she thinks she she's getting fed but she's not getting fed she will kind of really bully.

28:08So, yeah.

28:09Dana Carvey:So it's this three ring circus. It's very exciting, David. It's great. No, it's a more fulfilling life than mustard at McDonald's. I'll tell you that. Because you see beautiful horses, beautiful nature. I'm near river. I think the Sully Hudson is right here. I think I do not know what this river or ocean is because I'm so dumb. But when I walk by it, it is better than walking in the middle of a city. it's good to have water right there oh yeah it's nice to be a little more slightly rural or not quite big city but the main the main takeaway is that we talk to people have horses horses are never nor totally normal and they're never boring there's always an issue you know they're crashing into tires and they're eating parts of tractors other than that they're incredibly adorable Paula goes out there in her chair, sits in the middle of the pasture, and then Magrosa just eats her laptop, eats her hat, circles around, just so that you get bonded to them.

29:16Dana Carvey:It's pretty scary. They hang out. Yeah. It's good. Whitney's a horse girl. Paula's a horse girl. I like it. I mean, I see why. if you really take a look and cut through all the bullshit like just a horse and hang out they sort of zone into you and you can tune in and they're well they felt that when the little one was hurt the way they their whole body posture just went really sad and the mother had had blood all over her chest because when the baby was bleeding she was leaning down trying to lick the blood or trying to help but they don't have hands right and so she got all cleaned off the baby's gonna be fine But again, we had another 36 hours of like, oh, whoa.

29:57You're just like the pit, but with horses. Yeah, kind of.

30:01Dana Carvey:Yeah, we are. We triage all the time, man. Well, you had kind of triage. We need more mustard. 10 cc's of Ringer's Lactate. Dickie Roberts wants extra mustard. Can't you people work with me? I like they go, you want mustard? And they go, can we bring everybody up front? Yeah, okay. and I go wait I like when the guy thought what's the problem here what's the problem I was like those guys in cops no no no I don't have to show my license I don't have to get out of the car someone's about to get beat up I don't get out of the car I'm not in the jurisdiction I like those cop videos where they get pulled over and everyone's a lawyer the biggest frustrating thing even though I'm changing subjects is they're always on the fucking phone if I was a cop I couldn't take it like this uh-huh what do you want get the out of here pig anyway blah blah they go can you can you give me your id you i don't do uh-huh it's either their fake lawyer their friend their mom why are you on the phone the whole time you're getting pulled over i'd be so scared i'm like i'm going to get beat up i'll be like bye cops go hang up no no i have civil rights and i also have jurisdiction they just throw out this lingo and everyone goes and they tell them a hundred times to get out of the car or they're going to break the window they break the window finally 20 minutes later and then people go what like that gets a surprise i got a little heavy footed uh probably a few months ago and i probably told this but the cop pulls me over big highway and uh i go okay you know i'm looking for this stuff then he comes in the other side i put the window down he goes hey and he recognized me his mother was a huge fan so that was it was selfies i'm not gonna give you a ticket i go i know this thing got away from me i'm sorry dude so we're outside posing this and that and you know and then at the end he goes do you do you know david spade very very well is it true he's got this mustard thing with mcdonald's i said and this was six months ago he said this go ahead what he's saying does he have some kind of mustard fetish because the mcdonald's i go to They go, you don't want to deal with David Spade because he always needs more.

32:14Dana Carvey:And they don't give more. And it's a big thing. They have my picture in all McDonald's. Like a wanted poster. Well, I got pulled over and he goes, here's you. They go, do you know how fast you're going? And you go, do I know how famous I am? Is that what you said? And they go, oh, Dana, that is you. I don't really. I love not getting recognized. I'm an introverted extrovert or an extroverted introvert. I don't really like to be fussed over. Oh, yeah. Not you. I like being stealthy. Yeah, I agree. I'm stealthily walking around. Yada-da. You can hide pretty good. You can just hide. I hide in plain sight.

32:54Go ahead. What else?

32:55Dana Carvey:So here's something else that I thought was just kind of interesting that, you know, Iran wants to take out Trump and so that they have to smuggle him around in different containers and transfer planes. I heard something about this. They have like 11 decoys in different costumes. And Lorne Michaels was, I can make you some Trumps. We'll get Alec in there. You know, we'll work it. So Trump is constantly in all these containers. And I figure eventually Trump will go, I got an idea. Can we put me in a giant tomato can? I mean, a giant tomato can. They're never going to suspect a giant tomato can.

33:34Dana Carvey:And they go, yes, sir, we'll probably do that. What about a Mickey Mouse costume? I'm a Mickey Mouse. Nobody's going to hit Mickey Mouse. How about Goofy? Nobody's going to go after Goofy. It's not Air Force One. Goofy's on. Air Force One. He's in the Goofy outfit, and no one's going to bomb Goofy. No, no one's going to be like, no, I don't see the president. There's Goofy. There's the Secretary of State. But no president here. You don't have to bomb us. SpaghettiOs. SpaghettiOs. You make the can big enough so I can fit in. It's SpaghettiOs. nobody's gonna bomb spaghetti what about i did see they took them out like on a beverage cart they put them in yeah it was a beverage container giant you know yeah and they and they drove in a truck like where they unload the luggage and he was yeah like this yeah the thing was on the air force one everyone else was just on the air force one and for a while trump was loaded onto this other plane that was like just some nobody military plane so Air Force One, if it was shot at, that would have been the entire...

34:39Dana Carvey:But they thought Trump was on the Air Force One. Right. And he's like, Trump's going to be like, don't get mad. But if you guys get blown up, you did it for the right reason. Is it possible that Iran is listening to this? No, don't give them all our secrets. In other news, we'll get to the other stories. Is that Hitchcock? I would like to talk to David Spade That looks like Lorne on a real bad day You know, you go to St. Bart's, the buffets You put on a few pounds, but it's really not a big deal Lorne watches and listens to this podcast He's going to laugh I did run into Jimmy Fallon last night

35:30he said he was saying how lauren is still funny he was saying different things lauren was saying

35:34Dana Carvey:lately it's hysterical he's still pretty yeah but he's small he's like like if you don't know when you do snl seth myers is like one floor down conan used to be down where we'd walk down one set of stairs and then you could go on conan so if you're hosting you can promote if you're a cast memories yeah hey send down chloe fineman send down sherman so set also fallon is on 30 rocks so he's always seeing lauren he's always going to snl uh yeah but he's a definitely uh a crack up that's the first like normal thing i did i went into new york and hung out and i got to do some spots dude i got to work i got a vegas on they're letting me go to the uh caesar's palace one with nicky on memorial day weekend labor day weekend okay so you're flying all the way it'll be okay yeah but it'll be fun and then last night swartz and that little twerp is out here and he just got in to do something on the movie and and i left dinner and then when i got all the way home he goes oh i walked up to the comedy cellar nicky's here i'm like oh i would have come and on that that sounds fun missed out went one how many sets would do you if you're just in in a float per month if you're in town and stuff i'm in the store three times a week uh two possibly three and i just need to like rotate jokes around so when i get to them in my set i can remember them i always try to put in one new one though i put in one the other night it was pretty fun it's it's all scary you do stuff you know and you get nervous then you do one you don't know and you hope it works and then you do the rest and i tape it then i go back and go okay did i do that right some of them you would think it's fun some of them are so weird now but i just want to make sure i'm in good enough shape for that weekend and uh other than that movie's going all right and uh it's very sweaty here yeah i will say there's no complaints when you're doing a movie there's not one person on the planet that would listen to them entertain them no or like you can't come home from wayne's world and go god i'm in this huge movie wayne's world it's a sequel and my wig was tight today or whatever you know they kept us an hour late people go oh no i'd love to be in a movie and you go oh yeah you're right so just expect to be a little uncomfortable uh and just accept it not even not even think about it i mean they would pin the wigs extra hard in the movies compared to snl like really better mike had headaches for a while and he went and he shaved his head after a while i'm not sure i think they put a ball cap on maybe well do you put a ball cap on you two or yours just fit over your hair no i just they just slicked my hair down and then put that sort of nylon thing on it down yeah and then and more and yeah it's really it's kind of you get used to it at first like that really tight everything about it is vice grippy tight we're not complaining we're just saying that there is stuff at snl that yeah your things are an snl if it's a quick change they got to rip something off and they go can i rip it off yeah have to rip it off i got 20 seconds yeah and a lot of people on snl do like a host will put the bald cap on before the show because it used to take 45 minutes it's probably quicker but you put it on now monologue here's my real hair wig ryan has one that looks like his real hair yeah because if not they have to blow dry it style at a serious and then go yes you got an hour before the air show so let's wash it again in the bowl blow dry you don't have time so they go wig a lot of the time and then every sketch different goofy wig you know which is half there was one famous uh person on and i will never say who it was uh but uh actor who had a hairpiece but didn't want to acknowledge it so they put the bald everything was put on top of the hairpiece oh really which makes sense but it was just kind of funny oh they didn't want to take it off you didn't want to take it off put it back on so well in movie in movies i could i think mike said on wayne's world that the the bald cap was so tight and so time consuming and then to put the wayne wig over that how he shaved his head just so he could put the wayne wig on and not do the whole bald cap so he made him probably the same thing with austin's powers you know he probably just shaved dr evil's Is there another Austin Powers?

40:30Is that what I heard?

40:31Dana Carvey:I have been hearing it for years. They just did another commercial. I don't know. Hey, he likes money. Rob Lowe is in it. Rob Lowe likes it. Our manager handles Rob Lowe also. Likes to work. You don't like money. I'll put you in it.

40:53We'll show some clips if you want.

40:56Dana Carvey:Yeah, I think we should. We don't need to talk about it. Oh, do you have to do a five - Oh, yeah. Flipping around. Flipping around. Should we do that? Now it's time for Buzzing Around. Sponsored by 5-Hour Energy's Firework Freeze flavor. Ignite your taste buds with a red, white, and blue freezer pop classic. Reimagined is a delicious Firework Freeze 5-Hour Energy shot. Find Firework Freeze shots online at 5hourenergy.com or Amazon. On today, buzzing around, Dana's going to have three characters and make a fake scenario, at least up to 200. Well, for today's show, if I may, I've just decided to do a fan favorite episode.

41:41Dana Carvey:Okay. I have no idea what's going to happen. I have no script in mind. But the church lady. Hans of Hans and Franz. Just Hans. Garth and George Bush Senior from heaven are on a cruise ship. Can I tell you something? With David Spade. Go ahead. I'm not going to say how, what, who, or where. I've already mentioned the name Hans and the name Franz in the movie. What? Is that hysterically crazy and mysterious? Do we get a nickel? Can a brother get a Are we getting any kind of remuneration for you? Renumeration. You're getting a leaning in on your parasitical. It's great. It's fine. You saw my cactus and your cactus.

42:38Dana Carvey:Cactus? Not exactly. No, it's a wonderful idea, but I'm kind of like I'm proprietary about my nauseous Andre Previn. Andre Previn That's a good one I always know that From doing Woody on the show And they made us all do Woody Allen And then my line had Andre Previn That was right Mia Farrow's ex-husband And that's the connection right Yeah Andre Previn Not exactly the shortstop For the 52 Dodgers That's funny legs. All right, you're going into the senior. All right, here we go. Quiet on the set.

43:30Dana Carvey:We are good to launch. Three, two, one. Well, well, well. Here we all are on a cruise ship. Applause. Yeah, everybody's here and their buttocks are hanging out. And their buttocks are soft, don't you think, church lady? Well, well, well. They are soft and bulbous. They like to show their naughty parts when they get up from their chase lounge. Then they go in the pool. They're dripping bathing suit with nipples on parade, strutting and grinding up the staircase for all the world to see. Yeah, I don't really think I know what you just said. Something about world seeing who? I'm going to call Wayne.

44:15Dana Carvey:I don't understand the church lady. Well, wait a minute. George Bush Sr. here. Everybody slow down. Take a breath. Right, Hans? Take a breath. Yeah. Take a breath and hold it in. I can hold my breath for 17 minutes. Don't be frightened by my muscular lungs. Well, don't find them scary. Just enlarge, bigger lungs than regular lungs. Oxygen coming in, holding breath. Good one, Hans. And Gorg. You guys are funny. I don't like it here. This cruise ship is a waste of time. I can't get tan. Wait! All right. Well, well, well. It's me and the three stooges. You gentlemen just don't care too much about Jesus, do you?

45:09Dana Carvey:well we care about our muscles is that count well i'm gonna sum it up church lady sexual worried horn dogs aplenty on the deck of the uss whatever garth shy demure calling for wayne hans braggadocio around his muscle dosos yeah This is George Bush Sr. I throw it to David Spade, live correspondent from the cruise ship. Here he is live from Hoboken, New Jersey. David Spade. All right. That was buzzing around. Five-hour energy, firework, breeze flavor. Or was I supposed to say something? I thought you were going to chime in as like, do a David Spade on the deck of a cruise ship guy. I know. I was just like, I thought that would wrap it up.

46:04I do like that George Bush does one word about people. Engorged.

46:09Dana Carvey:Well, get it down. Cruise ship, buffet, buttocks, display, chase lounge, USS Horned Dog, sea, tidal wave. There's got to be a morning after. From the Poseidon. All right. Oh, God. I equaled your. Buzzing around. Sponsored by Five Energy. Firework Freeze flavors, iconic red, white, blue, freezer pop flavors. You spray with none of the sugar. Spark a tasty flavor sensation with Firework Freeze 5-Hour Energy shots. Available at 5hourenergy.com. Amazon today. And that was a good one. And that was a fan favorite. I want people, this is the first time they're hearing this, they go, what does he just do the exact same characters from SNL?

46:55Dana Carvey:No. But. Sometimes on a fan favorite day we do. A fan favorite day. The characters are what I call evergreen. Yeah. Whoops. Go apologize to have Journey say they don't do Don't Stop Believin'. Come on.

47:13Falls right around the corner. Is it?

47:15Dana Carvey:Yeah, it is. Yeah. My living room was completely trashed after busy summer. Oh, I heard that. And I desperately needed a home refresh. You know, jumped on Wayfair, found the Havenstone leather sectional. Ooh, nice. Which, you know, kind of zhuzhed up the place. I'll admit I was nervous about buying a major piece of furniture online, but seeing the real customer photos and reading through the millions of verified five-star reviews gave me total confidence before ordering. When it arrived, quality blew me away. It's durable, comfortable, exactly what I need. Built to handle real life. That's right.

47:55Dana Carvey:And if you want extra peace of mind, You can shop Wayfair verified pieces, which are hand-fitted by product specialists using a 10-point inspection, testing material quality, and build time. It helped me create a space I love without overspending, giving me top-tier style on a realistic budget. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5 % back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to Wayfair.com and shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. Way fair, every style, every home. Hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break, all right?

48:35Not just any break. This is a refreshing break with Snapple. We all know about Snapple's iconic real facts. So let's take a minute to go over some of my faves.

48:44Dana Carvey:Snapple real fact 455. Movie trailers used to come on at the end of the movies, but no one stuck around to watch them. I've heard that. Snapple real fact 831. Adults laugh only about 15 to 100 times a day, while preschoolers laugh an average of 300 times a day. Snapple Real Fact 1983. The first player drafted to play pro football never played in the league. That's interesting. Snapple Real Fact 1274. Kickball is referred to as soccer baseball in some parts of Canada. Hmm. So grab a Snapple. Take a second. Enjoy the moment. Because let's be honest, this might be the most refreshing part of your day.

49:29Snapple, make your break more interesting. I just moved, Dana. I know. Tell us about it. You don't realize how bad your bedding has gotten until you try to put it to the next spot and it's falling apart. You got to replace it. I used to wrestle with the sheets. I understand. They completely slipped off the corners. Pillows. No support. I thought I needed a new mattress, but the fix was upgrading what actually touches my skin. I switched to bowl and branch. Difference is immediate. Their signature organic cotton bedding is completely breathable and remarkably soft. I started with the sheets, but quickly added their pillows and waffle blanket to complete the setup.

50:10Dana Carvey:Now I get the feeling crawling into bed is the best part of my day because the fabric actually gets softer every time I wash it. It completely transformed how I rest. Upgrade your sleep with Bowlin Branch. Get 15 % off your first order plus free shipping at bowlinbranch.com slash fly with code fly. That's BollandBranch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D-B-R-A-N-C-H.com slash fly. Code fly to unlock 15 % off. Exclusions apply.

50:50Okay, let's do some news stories and get really -

50:53Dana Carvey:A couple clips. A couple clips. Sure, clip skills. This is a clip I saw going on. This is like QVC live. Okay. They always step in it live Show the texture And this wave pattern Again it looks like you went And got a blow job At your blow out At your salon Okay that's funny And it looks beautiful Now she starts laughing Alright so here's what's happening today We're having a huge beauty sale Everything ships for free That is funny I will remind you that's funny because it's not a put on I could see that she actually blow out blow job she actually that's hysterical she leans over because she's laughing going what did I say that was great that's alright that was a nice I'm proud of that clip I'm proud of it this says gas station bathroom looking pretty good now what is this Oh, they're falling everywhere.

52:00Oh, where'd you go in his bathroom, Dana? Bro, let me go. That guy was in there. Look at these bugs.

52:09Dana Carvey:What? That's a gas. No, I would not go in there. Oh, they're holding a guy in there. How terrifying. I would kill that person. Oh, they were just. Oh, by the way, there's one million crickets while you're taking a dump. i had this i stopped at a gas station the other day and uh there's two guys behind me it's these work big burly working guys were coming into the two bathrooms it's like one of those 20 minute waits they're like they're really laughing and i go yeah he's destroying that place and they started laughing so hard i think they were from south of the border he's he's destroying that bathroom and they're laughing their asses off but no one wanted to go in i mean once it gets past 15 or 20 what just what is going on multiple flushes flush 10 minutes later another flush tick tock i will say i was out in malibu and there's like a little mall type of place out there to walk it's very nice but on the outskirt or right on the back of it they have the bathrooms but there's about six people and so i wanted to say would you ever just walk up and cut in the front and go hey i have diarrhea can i go next that's the way to go next what could what would you say people just go yeah yeah go ahead but now i gotta follow that so it's tricky i don't know has anyone ever said that that you're aware of i have diarrhea tell people like would you ever do that like if i go dana i'll give you ten dollars if you did that and then i wouldn't do it i guess My first impulse would be, you got to prove it.

53:50Oh, if someone's - Then that would be worse. That would be worse.

53:53Dana Carvey:Yeah, you got to prove that you have diarrhea. But then I don't want that either. Yeah. You know what? I think I get it. I go to the gas station if it's one of those pull-off places. I go to the next door gas. I think I tap out at that point. Yeah, I don't - Go to another place. People that tell me they don't go number two in public, it always sounds like a lie. I'm like, well, what can you do? What can you do? Well, why would number one take 17 minutes? I don't think, you know, I think there's a lack of fiber in the American diet and it is a Herculean task for certain people. I love it. They get a newspaper, they're checking their phone, they're calling people, they're filling out forms, they're doing their taxes because they know that they're going to be there for a long time.

54:39I heard a funny joke. I'm going to tell you off the air.

54:41Dana Carvey:and then it's a second off the air no it's someone your new nickname is extra mustard that's what i'm going to call you from now on extra mustard spade likes extra mustard secrets out no i'm going to call you i'm going to say to heather is extra mustard ready to come on the zoo yeah uh okay next one okay extra mustard that's good that's a good example okay the hindenburg disaster okay let's see this is real conspiracy people as it was coming down to the ground slowly like a balloon. They jumped off and they were fine. Like majority of people, it's crazy that more people didn't die. It's not like a plane crash.

55:16Dana Carvey:Plane goes down, you're dead. Why did they stop using Zeppelins 100 % because of one crash? They don't do that with planes. They didn't do that with trains. They didn't do that with cars because it didn't run on oil. So like sky cruises, right? They were luxurious sky cruises and they were viable. They'd go across the ocean. It was just another form of travel, but it wasn't controlled by the oil only mafia. So I believe it was helium that they used for blimps. Helium is non-flammable. The US government had a monopoly on helium and they refused to export it to Germany who made the blimps. So the Germans said, fuck it, we're going to still use the blimps.

56:03Dana Carvey:So they decided to put hydrogen in the blimps instead so then there's reports of somebody who saw the hindenburg that day he said that he saw a spark shoot at it they shot an incendiary around and they shot it down and it lit on fire because they were using a fuel that they had to use because of the u.s monopoly on helium if they had been using helium it never would have happened this guy has a lot lot of free time here's my thing is that the hydrogen like helium also as we know birthday parties now it makes your voice go like mickey mouse so when the thing was crashing down with the hydrogen there's a famous radio guy oh my god the humanity the humanity and that's born the hindenburg but if it had been filled with helium the guy would have sounded like oh my god the humanity i can't believe all the people are running down the flames are going everywhere this is unbelievable he's on fire that would have been that's kind of a funny joke I actually did that on the tonight show but I didn't talk I didn't say that helium I didn't say that helium makes your voice go high so it played to dead silence and then Jay Leno leans in and goes yeah you want we can cut that if you want to cut it you know because they didn't understand that helium is like the balloon party thing he did that to me once I did a joke that bombed me He goes, we'll cut that out.

57:29I go, did it do that bad? He goes, yeah, nothing. You got nothing.

57:34Dana Carvey:Well, really that bad? Yeah, it's the worst I've ever seen here. I mean, you really, it's one of the worst jokes I've ever heard in my eye. Jay wouldn't say that. I'm saving you. No, he did say, I'll cut it. Because I think it was to protect me. He's like, we can take that one. Oh, no, no. He was trying to protect me too. You want to take that out? Yeah. It's true though. You don't need that fucking clanker. You know, the classic big clanker is just, and I tell this to open micers every day, if they don't understand the joke or they don't understand where you're going, then it just. They can't laugh because they don't get it.

58:10That'll ruin a joke and then you'll lose faith in it. But you go, just clarify.

58:14Dana Carvey:Yeah. And I needed to say that helium, you know, like a balloon party that makes your voice go high. Then the radio announces it's not as much of a surprise, but at least they know. so well if that guy says the oil thing which is possible but also his his convenient guy on the ground said they saw someone shooting at it and sparking it i it is true that there hasn't been one catastrophe where they stopped building rockets where they just said no never again but one hindenburg goes down they go nope no more blumps they're like nah you can't do that well it was years later but once they got you know a 707 where you you're like at 40 000 feet and you're going like almost a little faster sound yeah i mean those things seem cool but they seem like they were meant to blow up basically well i think the biggest takeaway for me you didn't understand this but i did i was confused i think he said not everyone died is that or no one died is that possible there were people because there's an undercarriage low enough they ran yeah it kind of is it's it's crashing slowly because there's still helium in the thing and so right down at the bottom they have those little almost railroad car things and people jumped out and ran away i think i don't know the exact details better than your precious airplane because those don't go down slow they fucking blow up no i mean i you You know, once times I've said this far, I took mushrooms and I was golfing next to somewhere in south of LAX or something.

59:51Dana Carvey:And we're all the mushrooms and the golf balls are orange and we're like kind of already tripping out, you know. And then I saw one of these blimps, Goodyear blimps came right over us and it landed next door. So in those days I went over, I had the pay phone and I asked if we could, could we go up in that? Just me and my buddies. oh we don't get personal rides but i haven't i haven't ingested mushrooms in 40 years but i did them they're i did them great they were great i went i loved them yeah they're we just laughed our asses off you know in an interesting story yeah uh which i found you know brad pitt who you know one of my favorite end of the show yeah actors decided that he could have a few glasses of wine he was no longer he said i got off the wagon did you read that i heard about that yeah and in that exact moment i guess they calculated that over 19 million people that were actively in aa meetings got up and left because he because he quit well yeah frat pitts look out what he looks like yeah i made that up no i did hear that fact but then someone's had a picture of him at the airport i don't know if that was real but they say oh he was hammered at the airport i don't really believe it i think he just said hey listen i drink now and tough shit but he has a stressful life let's give it to him right he had a rough divorce and child custody issue but i would say i'm gonna think that first of all he wouldn't be drunk at an airport because he probably always He's not out of Rock and Riot LAX.

1:01:32I don't think so.

1:01:33Dana Carvey:Yeah. I think he'll be fine. He's aware of it. We'll see. He's landing on his feet. I think they're doing another F1. Would they call it F2? Go. They're going to call it Mr. Race Car Man. They're going to call it. If they were smart, they'd call it Odyssey 2. They're going to call it. It's tires be spinning. The go fast cars. They're going to call it Mr. Oval Guy. Roger that. I'm around the corner when she comes. You're in the pit. Brr-hew, brr-hew, brr-hew. Go. Oh, good. You do have that kind of jacket. That's a specific good use of that. They're going to call it I Pass on the Inside. That's the movie.

1:02:31Dana Carvey:Brad Pitt is I Pass on the Inside, guys. He's in a new movie called Coming Through. He's in a new movie called The Straight Away. Yeah. They could call it Floor It.

1:02:49Dana Carvey:Brad Pitt in Downshifting. red pit in pedal to the metal that's not bad all right let's get on this yeah i'll take an f1 and a glass of chardonnay he goes f1 and f you that's it that's the teaser hit an f1 and f you all right good uh okay all right let's start let's let's start i mean i think i'm totally warmed up now so let's do i'm eating gum all right are we saying goodbye is it over i thought it was over um okay we'll do one more even though i have my gum so we have official ending i have a data center right now that's running in hawatha i've never used one gallon of water oh this is interesting.

1:03:46This guy's going to get killed as he's giving a speech. My name is Doug Ceddy.

1:03:51Dana Carvey:I'm at 339264 Street, Palo, Iowa. I've called the mayor and suggested that I get put on some kind of a committee because I'm Palo's resident expert. I build data centers. I own data centers. I built the first private data center in the state of Iowa. And And everything that Google is telling you is BS. BS. Oh, my God, dude. What does that mean? I have a data center right now that's running in Hiawatha. He's toast. I've been 14 years and have never used one gallon of water. Data centers use millions of gallons of water. I thought they're kind of new. 14 years ago, I had a data center. They're going to burn through the water.

1:04:41The problem with data centers, by the way, it's data centers and flock cameras are something I hear about all the time now. And I didn't know either of them were being built or anything. They're just suddenly.

1:04:51Dana Carvey:We have 2000 built. We need 2000 more. Europe's building all over the world. And the stacking of all the stuff that goes into the servers, you know, you've got memory chips. So when you create this superstar, brilliant, genius AI, it'll be able to remember things. It needs short-term memory. That's SanDisk. It needs long-term memory. That's Micron. And it needs all this NAND and DRAM, GPUs, MBUs. I was just saying that. And they stack them. And then you take a big cord, a big cord, and you got a little thing on the table. They have an outlet? Yeah, and then you plug it in and you turn it on. it's as big as a Macy's department store and all these things light up.

1:05:37Dana Carvey:And then the, the, you get up what they call a super generous cancer. And then everything goes dark. Cause the, cause the grid is, town lights go off, but they say they run on gallons, millions of gallons of water and no one knows why. And then I heard a conspiracy that they don't know why and they don't really need it, but it's to funnel to these doomsday billionaire shelters so they have water. Well, basically in engineering and in science, things get hot. Cars get hot. Engines get hot. But they're getting better and better at it. They can use less water. They can use chips that are more heat resistant.

1:06:21Dana Carvey:So, yes, it is a problem. Data centers need power and they need water. well uh but i want to say good luck to all the danas they should call dana there is a dana center all right finally we hit it but the plug in the super brain and go what about cancer oh no problem i have an idea i'll get you a memo that's all done what about unlimited fusion energy that won't pollute anything and everyone has energy oh sure give me a second Wait a minute. Oh, we've got it. I'll send you the memo. How about we stop data centers and AI until they go, give us one cure for cancer, then we'll continue AI. Give us something.

1:07:03Dana Carvey:They're already kind of making advances, David. I know. You're a pro. This is a big debate. All right. Well, this is good. We got one more story. It was exciting. All right. Thanks for tuning in, everybody. Thanks for tuning in. You'll see us next time on Dana's Center.

1:07:27All right, listen, if you're enjoying The Fly on the Wall, of course, hopefully you are, click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddang button on your favorite podcast app. Leave a review, a good one. Leave a five-star rating, nothing else. Whoops. And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe, Dana. What do you think?

1:07:51Dana Carvey:I'm going to tell you this right now. Hear me now, believe me later. Fly on the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by, hold for it, Dana Carvey and David Spade. Or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox. With production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lepore.