In short
The episode is a wide-ranging conversation mixing comedy-festival logistics, celebrity pop-culture talk, politics, and personal injury stories. They recap attending Netflix is a Joke at the Orpheum Theater in downtown LA, describing chaotic parking and a lively crowd, and say Chris Rock was funny and responsive to audience questions. They also discuss the Met Gala outfits and fashion “spoilers,” including a joke about Margot Robbie and a broader theme of how plastic surgery and styling affect public perception.
Guests
No guests are present in the transcript; it’s a host-and-cohost style conversation (names like “Dana” and “David” are mentioned, but no separate guest interviews occur).
Key claims/examples
Mike Tyson’s “What are you going to do about it?” as a threatening-but-funny catchphrase; a discussion of prosthetics/“boners” in Wuthering Heights; a Peru ceramic jaguar vessel that whistles when water is poured; and a story about repeated backflips leading to long-term neck/jaw damage.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOAI and Human Interaction
2:36 to 3:59
Hosts humorously discuss the limitations of AI.
“I think it's like if you're on a Zoom with an AI I think the person's fake.”
Netflix Comedy Festival Experience
4:00 to 5:20
Hosts share their experiences at the Netflix comedy festival.
“So we are here the day after the Chris Rock interview we did at the Netflix is a joke.”
Setting Up Chris Rock
5:21 to 6:45
Hosts discuss the challenges and successes of interviewing Chris Rock.
“As far downtown as you go, like, go away.”
The Comedy Festival Landscape
6:46 to 8:10
Hosts analyze the competition and volume of shows at the Netflix festival.
“I mean, look, Netflix is a joke always struck me.”
Golf Tournament Highlights
8:11 to 9:24
Hosts recount their experiences at a golf tournament during the festival.
“and let's say you only have a million dollars to spend on tickets.”
Room Service Anecdotes
9:25 to 10:13
Hosts share humorous stories about hotel room service experiences.
“And then, and Bert and I were just like kind of medium.”
Toast and Hotel Food
10:14 to 14:00
Discussion about the quality of hotel toast and food experiences.
“Is this technically, are we part of the festival?”
Hotel Experiences and Toast
14:00 to 15:14
Discussion about the quirks of hotel food and services, particularly toast.
“Right, or just give me bread because it's toast and they wrap it up.”
Met Gala Insights and Celebrity Commentary
17:41 to 22:06
Discussion on the Met Gala, celebrity fashion, and cultural observations.
“I have a story that's cold off the press is the Met Gala.”
Cinematic Relationships and Tension
22:06 to 25:09
Exploring romantic tension in films and the dynamics of movie relationships.
“I don't know But at least he's getting attention by Talking and saying some things you like to hear Which happens around this time of year before election but I do think that if he's, he seems serious about it.”
Show all 29 chapters
Political Commentary on Local Elections
25:09 to 27:16
Analysis of local political dynamics and the role of public sentiment.
“Get back to it's a clean, safe city that you want to visit.”
Mike Tyson's Bold Statements
27:16 to 28:00
Recounting a humorous exchange involving Mike Tyson and discussing masculinity.
“Which comes about this catchphrase that I, it's not a catchphrase.”
Mike Tyson's Provocative Question
28:00 to 29:10
Explore the humorous implications of Mike Tyson's phrase, 'What are you going to do about it?'
“if you should vote for him because this is, he goes, yeah, but what are you going to do about it.”
The Weight of Tyson's Hand
29:10 to 30:24
Dana and David share anecdotes about Mike Tyson's physicality and presence.
“I got pulled over for a little bit of speeding ticket.”
A Funny Instagram Video Clip
30:24 to 31:39
Dana and David react to a humorous video featuring Mark Zuckerberg.
“He was the first heavyweight boxer, you know, champion that I met and then shook his hand.”
Behind the Scenes of Grown Ups
31:40 to 33:13
Dana recounts a memorable scene from 'Grown Ups' and the comedic context around it.
“I'm going to see Chris Rock because we're meeting in Milan this summer.”
A Backflip Injury Story
33:13 to 35:39
David shares a painful yet humorous story of a backflip gone wrong during a talent show.
“Well, no, I'm just saying you're in the wrong lane.”
More Comedy Injury Tales
35:40 to 39:50
Dana shares a humorous story about a mishap while filming for SNL and the consequences.
“But instead, I'm just backstage staring.”
Ancient Technology and Humor
39:50 to 42:01
A discussion on ancient artifacts and their amusing implications in modern contexts.
“We needed at least an intimacy coordinator on there.”
Ancient Times and Agricultural Revolution
42:01 to 44:14
Explore how early humans lived and the shift brought by agriculture.
“Dude, 2 ,000 years ago when you were born.”
Surprising a Fiancee with a Puppy
44:15 to 45:08
Hear a heartwarming story of a puppy surprise that brings joy.
“Surprising my fiancee with a puppy after two years of begging.”
The Joy of Childhood and Pets
45:09 to 46:47
Discuss the unbridled joy of children and the innocence of pets.
“Dude, I saw a guy doing, he's like a magician.”
Creating a Mannequin to Deter Burglars
46:48 to 47:52
A humorous take on a failed deterrent for car burglars using a mannequin.
“I'd say, you know, 20 to 25 before life gets you by the scruff of the neck.”
Reflections on Podcast Duration
47:53 to 48:50
Comedians reflect on their podcast length and engage with comments.
“So I was just kind of getting tired of it.”
Concerns Over the Hantavirus
52:05 to 55:00
Discussion about fears surrounding the hantavirus and its implications.
“Is it transmitted into the saliva or no?”
Lighthearted Banter about Current Events
55:01 to 56:00
The hosts joke about travel and health news while maintaining humor.
“I like this because this kid can recreate a logo with a chalk.”
Humorous Anecdotes and Dance References
56:00 to 57:20
Dana and David share humorous stories and comedic insights about dancing and social situations.
“Dance to fake asylum seekers not to abuse European women.”
Discussion on Social Anxiety and Rat Stories
57:20 to 59:06
The hosts discuss social anxiety while reflecting on a past rat infestation experience.
“A little spacey from the whole whoop-dee-doo yesterday, a two-hour drive to the gig downtown.”
Lighthearted Banter and Rat Prejudice
59:06 to 1:00:25
A humorous take on rats and societal attitudes toward them, mixed with personal anecdotes.
“They've been smashed by the trap and you got to handle them.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00So lately, I've been trying to be more intentional with my wardrobe, if you know what that means.
0:05Dana Carvey:I like that. Yeah. Choosing pieces that are comfortable enough for everyday life, but still feel put together with not a lot of effort. It's made getting dressed way easier, especially in the mornings when I don't want to think. Quince has been really my go-to for that balance. Their spring staples are exactly what I've been reaching for, like 100 % European linen shorts, very light. and shirts starting around 34 bucks. That's not a lot. Uh, they're lightweight, breathable, still a clean and elevated. They're a hundred percent Pima cotton teas are unbelievably soft. The kind you immediately notice the first time you wear them and the pants that have that same easy feel, but you still look polished enough to do pretty much anything.
0:49Right. Yeah.
0:51Dana Carvey:You know, what stands out to me the most is the value. Everything is typically 50 to 80 % less than similar brands because they cut out middlemen and work directly with ethical factories. You know, I recently wore one of their linen shirts on a weekend outing. Looked pretty good. And I kept thinking about how it looks way more expensive than it is. Yeah. Refresher every day with luxury. You'll actually use head to quince.com slash fly. for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash fly for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Quince.com slash fly.
1:39Dana Carvey:Brought to you by Apple Card. Apple Card users get 2 % daily cash back on purchases made in store and online, whether it's for big ticket items or everyday purchases. when they use their Apple Card with Apple Pay. Now that's a benefit that's just too good to pass up. You could be earning 2 % daily cash back when you use your Apple Card with Apple Pay to buy turmeric for your signature curry, 2 % back on flights to visit the family in Tucson, and even 2 % back on your kid's new tuba.
2:16you might even be able to get two percent back on a tuba tutor not an apple card customer you can apply in the wallet app on iphone subject to credit approval apple card is issued by goldman sachs bank usa salt lake city branch terms and more at apple.co slash benefits this is what we do for eight minutes before each show
2:43Dana Carvey:try to
2:48Dana Carvey:I'm not making a sound effect that's just me I'm actually going to a body work let's start with ailments welcome to even stars have ailments can an AI do this oh yeah you know what they told me if you're ever talking to an AI like in an alley I don't know where they think I'm talking to an AI but they can't do certain things so you have to quiz them. I think it's like if you're on a Zoom with an AI I think the person's fake. I saw them act it out. Then the guy goes, great, I think it was a job interview and he goes, well everything seems to be in order and then at the end he goes, real quick can you just put three fingers in front of your face?
3:27The guy goes he goes, well look at this. He goes over and he goes, this is a diploma I have. He goes, no, no, just put your fingers in front of your face. And the guy goes like this and he goes Three fingers. And he goes, this is a little weird. I don't want to do this. I'm not buying. And then he goes, put it in front of your face. And he goes, I think there's some stuff I just shouldn't do because it just sounds weird. And the guy goes, well, everything's riding on us. And he didn't do it. And he goes, thank you. Click. They can't go like this for some reason. I don't know. Should we ask AI why AI can't do that?
4:01Dana Carvey:Whoa. There's lots of ways to get rid of AI. If you suspect you're talking to an AI, you just slowly put your fingers up and you go, what does it do scares and the ai will look down and freeze and then disappear just go like this put your fingers up and breathe heavily boom god i guess go like this you know the other way to get rid of ai on your computer just close the thing is that the other way that's it that's the simple hack just close the fucking lid of the fucking laptop Top. So we are here the day after the Chris Rock interview we did at the Netflix is a joke. Shootout at Orpheum Corral.
4:46Yeah, we went to the Orpheum Theater in downtown LA. Terrifying. Way downtown. Super far. Lots of one ways. We made it as hard as possible for Chris to come and have fun and be in a good mood. And the crowd is just, everyone that got in was like, fuck, are we here yet? My God.
5:07Dana Carvey:Parking, mayhem, random strangers in the intersection. You get the drill. Knife in neck, needle in leg. Hey, how, who, hey guys. Hey, Netflix is a joke festival. Got 500 shows. We got one with Spade and Carvey. Let's bury it at the arcade. How about Wednesday at six? Wednesday at six, folks. As far downtown as you go, like, go away. You're almost, almost Arizona. Just downtown. Well, that won't be good. I mean, they couldn't sell tickets on a night like that. Probably be a dead audience. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong again. Nice try, Netflix. I wanted to say, listen, a lot of our audience work. Well, some people work that are.
5:49Well, there's a few people that watch.
5:50Dana Carvey:It would be difficult to get to basically another state at six o 'clock on a Wednesday. It was a 10 is not moving. Borderline redonkulous. But we got there. Chris showed up. I haven't seen Chris in a while. we did have a great time he always brings it he didn't walk through it he was very funny it was very lively fun uh the crowd was very lively we got on a roll setting chris up asking chris questions and he had a lot of very funny rejoinders i don't want to give it away it is hard to think of stuff to ask like a friend because a we've interviewed him before b you just don't want to sound like a trite idiot of like when did you get your first break you know that kind of stuff so we sort of meandered into comedy and jokes and then people he's met things he's done and then of course it just kind of rolls from there we just jump on it but it worked out really well i thought it i thought it was really check it out this is good the timing works that's coming up this week yes they tried to stop us and it didn't work yeah they tried to do everything against us to make it not work and it worked we're not victims there's like 5 000 shows if you had money for there's a great comedy festival this netflix it's too much of a good thing i think it's like literally they have to sell 200 000 tickets in a week yeah uh to fill all the places so there are very famous comedians playing arenas and stadiums where it's like not It's hard to sell it out.
7:20Dana Carvey:I mean, look, Netflix is a joke always struck me. I'm going to suggest that they kind of modify it. Like Netflix is such a joke or kind of a joke. Netflix is such a joke festival. Could you think of any, David, right now as I set you up? No, I was trying to think. Can you think of something? You're usually very fast. No, I'm slow today. I was thinking of just canceling it altogether. Now, I think if they have 140 shows, I think they mentioned last night, and you've got Shane Gillis and Mulaney and Theo. Chappelle. And Chappelle. I mean, you can't think of anyone that's not doing a show this week or a podcast or this or a Kill Tony.
8:07And they all individually do well. But if you smash them together, and let's say you only have a million dollars to spend on tickets.
8:15Dana Carvey:You're going to go through it. You can only see 10 % of the shows. Yeah, you can only see 40 shows. But I see people at Netflix in the Inner Sanctum. I mean, they're well-intended. They're very excited about the festival, but that you can get a little too exuberant. Hey, Siegfried, shall we go to 300 shows? Oh, I like it. Yeah. Yes. I'm going to say something crazy to you, Gromford. Make out the names. Yeah. Could we go to 500 shows? Yes. 500 shows. Well, they had a golf tournament that started all off Monday, so I went to that. And that was fun, seeing a bunch of comedians out of their element and a few football players.
9:00Did someone put a camera on this? Well, Fortune Feimster was there on hole six with Tom Papa, and they interviewed everyone before they went on. We had to sit in chairs. It was kind of fun. Fortune Feimster and Tom Papa? I like these names. Yeah, they have a Netflix. We know them. podcast and so I played with Santino Burt Kreischer they just randomly threw everyone together it was pretty fun I saw your Bill Burrs your Will Ferrells your random Devontae Adams who's a great golfer I mean seriously I think anybody I think Santino the one I played with oh yeah I think so Whiskey Ginger yep I played with him before and he's very good he's very serious he's like get in the cart go go it was a little I'm like let's relax let's hey you're slow in play okay he's like Yeah, exactly.
9:47He never said that. And then, and Bert and I were just like kind of medium. So we're just doing it to screw off. But, oh, Michael Pena won. Not a comedian. Great actor. Not a comedian. What's going on?
10:01Dana Carvey:Getting wasted in nightclubs every night. Fixed. Rigged. Rigged. Right. Uh-huh. Yeah. Hmm. So that happened. Does anything else happen? That's it? Is it listed anywhere? People are tuning out. I can't get a hint. Are we in the festival right now? Is this technically, are we part of the festival? Or is this outside the festival? No, this is outside. Okay. But yesterday was - Is it weirder that we're doing it like this and not on Zoom? Do you think anything's different? Well, yeah, because normally I just look at you on the Zoom and I go, hey, like this. Yeah, it's weird like this. So now we're just, you know, that's why I'm going to a chiropractor at four o 'clock today because of - Oh yeah.
10:36Dana Carvey:Well, David - Dana's got a little bit of the spade. One of these days, let's get a table and we'll just go across the table. I would like that. Joe Rogan does it. Maybe it works. Yeah. Call me crazy, but why not do a Joe Rogan? He has 70 million and we only have 65 million. He's right. We have a table here from Z Gallery. I know this table is kind of... Yeah, our necks have to be saved. We have to do it orthopedically at this point. Just going like this. Do you know why my neck hurts? Because last night going this to Chris Rock, I'm like this. I'm like, yes, Chris. interesting chris oh yeah that's for an hour and a half and i try to look over this way once in a while then he starts again i'm like yeah i was hoping he'd go real quiet and i could save my neck and go over like this and kind of go to you but no i know you didn't look at me once you were like this with me our guys are here going hey we don't there's no we got no skin in the game what do you want to do We'll put them on top of each other.
11:40I know. Just tell us what to do. We don't care. We, but we had a good time and anything else? What was your week like other than this all consuming?
11:48Dana Carvey:Oh goodness. The cows and the horses and the nature. Your horse is going to have a baby. I don't want to give a spoiler. In July. And we're with real authentic rancher people. And I said, is it going to take them to a birthing place or anything? Don't be ridiculous. They'll have it right here in the field. But what if something goes wrong? I mean, I've seen all creatures great and small. I mean if you get a picture you see me And I'm like here Up into the horse Trying to pull the baby out That's what my fear is Or my joy But that's what happens Do you need me up there for that? You just go and see the meat What?
12:26Do you need me up there to help you? Well yeah I've got a room all set up for you Heather can film it If you'll go elbow deep I've done it before You have? Where? How? And with who? I'm talking about man to animal. Oh, yeah.
12:45Dana Carvey:Not with an animal. I don't know what. I can't even want to put. I don't even want to think about this. So, yeah, I just came down to L.A., checked in a hotel. Let's see if I have anything interesting to talk about. I ordered room service. Oh, yeah. Do you want to talk about your room service? Is there anything there? I don't have a real chunk on it. It's just, you know, I'm always trying to just be mellow. I mean, I'm not like, get the food in here. Now get out. I go into nice guy mode and I don't even want them to carry the tray. And there was this young woman who came twice yesterday and she was really strong.
13:24Dana Carvey:I kept, I'll take that for you. He goes, oh, don't worry about it. So I realized it's not that he's that strong. It's I'm that weak. Yeah. It's like, cause they're like 40 pound trays. Yeah. And she just goes, I'm okay. Yeah. Not a problem. And I go, I'll get the door. You don't have to. Okay. I like when they put the little cork in the door. They put the little holder. They got a whole system. Stay out of my way, please. I got this. And I'm like, I can handle the lemons. If they're in little cutlets. Yeah. I always try to fake help. I do a lot of this. You want me to? Then I clear the way a little bit.
13:59Yeah. Literally doing nothing.
14:01Dana Carvey:Well, I just try to. Do you want this? Do you want shrimp sauce? Do you want? No, no. Fine. Fine. do you want anything else no no fine fine i just make sure you know we stay in hotels a lot folks it's it's uh just something we do and that's why most of our bits are around travel and hotels and what are you gonna do i have a big question for you i don't mean to break the internet but when you get your toast uh is it too squishy because they wrap it in plastic no well what hotel where are you anywhere tell us anywhere no problem is they don't leave it open so you get it and the point of toast is the toastiness.
14:35And so I never throw a fit, isn't it? Well, for it to be toasted. Right, or just give me bread because it's toast and they wrap it up. Now it's trapped in its own steam and it's fucking squishy. And I call down.
14:52Dana Carvey:Well, there are places I've worked and stayed in the middle of West Virginia. That's what we don't, we'll cut that. But anyway, no, where, room service, please? Oh, we don't have any room service, but there's a menu. And as a pizza place, like three miles away, I don't have a car. So I just hike over. Brought to you by Apple Card. Apple Card users get 2 % daily cash back on purchases made in store and online, whether it's for big ticket items or everyday purchases when they use their Apple card with Apple Pay. Now that's a benefit that's just too good to pass up. You could be earning 2 % daily cash back when you use your Apple card with Apple Pay to buy turmeric for your signature curry, 2 % back on flights to visit the family in Tucson, and even 2 % back on your kid's new tuba.
15:51you might even be able to get two percent back on a tuba tutor not an apple card customer you can apply in the wallet app on iphone subject to credit approval apple card is issued by goldman sachs bank usa salt lake city branch terms and more at apple.co slash benefits hi everybody i'm Maury Povich. On my podcast, On Par with Maury Povich, I'm going to sit down with the icons, the stars, and the faces at the very center of today's big cultural moments. With everyone from comedians Josh Johnson, Dan Soder, Leanne Morgan, to newsmakers Don Lemon, Joy Reid, Aaron Parnas, and so many more. So join me for new episodes every week, because nothing is off limits.
16:34Great conversations. They're always on par. Follow and listen to On Par with Maury Povich wherever you get your podcast. Caffeine. Just got a flavor upgrade. Nice. It was overdue. Five hour energy shots are bringing tasty caffeine to the table with 17 different flavors. So you're not stuck with the same old options. Wow. What do you like? I, I, well, fancy the rainbow candy blend, fruity, bold flavor that stands out kind of like an explosion of sweet, tangy candy in every sip. is a fun way to switch things up when you want something a little different from your normal boring routine.
17:11Dana Carvey:And of course, with all that flavor, you're still getting as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee with zero sugar. You heard me. And no sugar crash. Right. Small, portable two ounce bottle. Easy to take wherever the day goes. If you're ready to mix things up, it's a simple way to do it. Give your caffeine a flavor upgrade with 5R Energy shots. Get yours in store and online at 5REnergy.com or Amazon today.
17:46I have a story that's cold off the press is the Met Gala. The Met Gala has been so far away from the time this airs. But I will tell you. Oh, but it'll never end in our minds. Because I asked Rock last night, I go, do you go to the Met Gala or did you not have anything stupid enough to wear? And he said he went last year, but oops, spoiler. But when I was watching some of the people, and here's my question. Why is that a spoiler? He said he went last year, spoiler.
18:17Dana Carvey:Yeah, it makes no sense. But still listen, he just gave it all away. I gave the whole podcast away. So when I see people and they go through the outfits and they go through who's had a few nips and tucks, I want to make a petition for Margot Robbie to never touch your face. This is someone who has such, I was watching Wuthering Heights with the WU. Everyone says Wuthering Heights and I go like this. I saw it. Wuthering Heights? No, Wuthering. Thank you. Wuthering Heights. Right. A remake. Doesn't mean it's not a good movie, but we've seen it before. Right. It was shot a little bit like young Frankenstein.
18:57Dana Carvey:He always looked a little bit like a Frankenstein. He's a very good looking, great actor, but look, he always, I always see a Frankenstein when I see him. He's a stud. And then when you've ever heard him really talk, I go, oh, that's your accent? Because I'm like, he's always sounds like on Euphoria. Yeah. Sounds like the radio. Well, here's my question for you. So in movies now, it's cause to live. It's what you do is you've got the, the, uh, the male star and the female name, but might be married, whatever. but then they floated out like, hey, there's some extracurricular activities happening in the trailers during the shoot.
19:30Dana Carvey:And they did it with Margot Robbie and Jason Adelbogada. What's his name? Jacob Elordi. Jacob Elordi. And they make it like, it's always right when the movie comes out, are they hooking up? And it makes you go, oh, I wonder if I can see the movie, if I can tell if there's any chemistry. Well, that's what makes you see the movie. Is this simulated sex and pretend or are they like, get these cameras out of here kind of thing? I heard they started the movie with one boner and then after that, nothing. Did he have the boner? I did not know that. I just said someone was, by the way, they put it in an interesting situation to turn people on.
20:03The guy was getting hung, like killed. Yeah. And he gets a boner. And I'm like, that's where you throw it?
20:08Dana Carvey:Yeah. That was when I knew this was my kind of movie. Yeah. The first scene, a guy gets hung in mid-diggle. And then they show that he's excited. Why was he excited? Well, you know, the wiener wranglers, what they call them, wiener wranglers, did a prosthesis. But I guess, you know, you went to, where was it? Arizona State? Yes. A little bit. When you are asphyxiated, you get aroused. Now, some people do it like in a closet and then they come to or something. No pun intended. But yeah, that was. So anyway, it was good. But after that, I heard there wasn't enough sex. They wanted raunchy sex. that's the way it was look i'm maybe i'm old-fashioned yes i'll just say this for filmmakers and this i don't know if this is a hot take more boners what is it no it's more the unrequited and they're using it to a point but we don't it's just that they really want to have sex but they can't have sex it's all about that tension you know the actual sex is is not as interesting as a film as oh yeah i fast forward to that for more more tease and more you know so So when this movie, Wuthering, was there a lot of tease and that was good or not?
21:21Dana Carvey:Yeah, there was. I mean, the whole book and everything is about that because he's adopted and he comes in the house and they just have this tomboy kind of relationship. And then they realize they grew up and they're all hormonal and horny. And then - And they're both - But you can't marry your brother. Get out. I saw a clip the other day. I was watching it for a little bit and I was like, I didn't get what was going on. So he had come back and he's her brother. well like not not by birth i believe we're gonna get letters no i don't know i mean listen she anyway the point was gorgeous and i know at some point someone's gonna get to her and go you should do a little bit of this nothing do nothing um she was extraordinary in a movie that wasn't a hit i think it was called babylon oh yeah babylon is that with her performance in that was like next level that starts with like an orgy right yeah it's just it's a wild movie i don't know maybe audiences didn't quite connect to it like comes in the middle of the movie like just this crazy sex craze intensity around the early days of film was it baz lerman or who did that one yeah it was or his brother uh edward lerman okay one of the lerman brothers that whole family oh here's i didn't like and oh by the way in political news there's a big mayor race here spencer pratt spencer pratt is getting a lot of chatter here in town because uh for better for worse there's uh there's the old guard of mayor karen bath yeah and if people aren't happy they look to someone else and they're like what about spencer what does he know about this and he makes some good points well his platform's a little out there he wants to clean up the streets lower crime and help the homeless get elsewhere um he wants to lower taxes and have a financial boom and he wants it to become kind of a a jewel of the world i don't like what's that about i don't like those goals anyone would really i don't like that angle Also, his only caveat is He can't run on a platform and clean up the city And make it become a jewel of the world Yeah And he says everyone will get their own reality show He doesn't need to add that He wants to rename LA the hill No, I think he makes some good points Can he come through?
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23:51I don't know But at least he's getting attention by Talking and saying some things you like to hear Which happens around this time of year before election but I do think that if he's, he seems serious about it. He was caught in the fires where they burned his house down. And like this Batman parody did, he's like coming back saying, you wronged me because none of the money seems to be going to the victims of the fire, Altadena or Palisades.
24:19Dana Carvey:Right. And there are what they call secular trends that are not really related to politics in in a sense, is that we give our public employees pensions. In the olden days, you get your pension and you were kind of going to the stars in about five or eight years. Now you get your pension at 53 and you live to 102 and there's inflation bumps. So it's happening in Japan, all over the world that people just don't want to check out. They're liking it so much and they're getting government money and then it goes for three decades instead of two two years right does that make any sense so some so you start to run out of money yep and then the pot then what you can't get the money for clean up the city or fight crime or or the money to do forest management around fire prone areas that costs money to have guys go in there with a rake you got to pick and choose your fights on those uh i did i do think it was crazy that oh who just apologized to the oh a judge apologized to the guy that tried to shoot trump because the conditions are the way he's being held i mean but come on i mean like my dad said don't go to jail it's not fun good thing about jail is that's where bad guys go and it's not great yeah not supposed to be right so when you do a crime i get it should it should all be enough to be like humane of course but i i don't like doing one of these sort of numbers where you're running in with a gun shooting and then they're like hey sorry it was it was a total hassle for you when you got arrested um yeah a judge just shouldn't say that just say here's my judgment this or that don't throw in that that's a weird weird thing it's like when mandami someone tried to stab someone and got shot and then he went to the hospital and apologized to them it's like well it all comes to this one basic it's too soft idea is that all people are good and all people are born good and so someone's behaving badly they were let down by society so the the oppressor and the oppressed are the same the victim and the perpetrator are the same or in some ways the perpetrator gets is people feel more empathy toward because wow what made him do that because he's a great person right so it's all in my book how to solve everything i know everything by dana florfo yeah it is just sometimes that rubs me the wrong way i don't know about anyone else you just you just really you think about a city if you're going to go visit a city what's it like and you can hear a thousand things but if you hear uh it's it's clean and safe oh let's go there yeah so you Every city needs to work toward that.
27:07Dana Carvey:Try to get back to that. Get back to it's a clean, safe city that you want to visit. And then the business comes in, tax revenue rises. It's all in my book. Hey, everybody. I know what to do. That is a good name. Hey, everybody. Come to me for the answers. Which comes about this catchphrase that I, it's not a catchphrase. It was something Mike Tyson said. So last night being silly in the car on the way to the gig, which I just told the story. Tyson, who I love the clips of him. He's on with some radio DJ and the radio DJ says, so you're voting for Trump? And Tyson with this, he goes, yeah, I vote for Trump.
27:46I'm voting for Trump. And then he goes, what are you going to do about it? And then the guy gets scared. He's like, well, I just might come saying, no, what are you going to do about it? I'm voting for Trump. So what are you going to do about it? So I just thought, what are you going to do about it? It's funny because the guy was like, well, I don't know if you should vote for him because this is, he goes, yeah, but what are you going to do about it. How are you going to stop me because I'll knock you the fuck out?
28:07Dana Carvey:Right, but he does. He's seated, but he does the thing of like you go like this. Like make your move. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to sit over there? What are you going to do about it? I'm voting for Trump. What are you going to do about it? I just think what are you going to do about it? You know, is a funny answer because also when you're with another guy, and especially Mike Tyson, guys in line at the bank you bump into someone. I don't know if we've talked about this with women. I don't know if you think like banks don't exist. Like if you're in line at the bank, it's a normal thing.
28:38I'm in touch with reality when you're in the bread line. Okay. You're not on your online account. When I'm buying milk for 10 cents a gallon or whatever.
28:45Dana Carvey:You get in a scuffle. Right. And someone bumps into you. There is a chance anytime in the day as a guy, you can get in a fight or beat up. And I think with women, it's not, it doesn't always cross their mind, but with me, every time you're in a car road rage, if this guy cuts me off and gets out of the car, he's going to beat the shit up. So that can happen. And so when Mike Tyson says to you, what are you going to do about it? You know what he means. He's like, yeah, fight me right now. It's not going to change my mind, but what are you going to do as a man? Yeah. It's so funny. I got pulled over for a little bit of speeding ticket.
29:14Dana Carvey:And I was just thinking of Tyson that moment. He goes, oh, you're going as fast. And I go, yeah, yeah. So what are you going to do about it? Well, I'm going to give you a ticket. Yeah, but what are you going to do about it? Yeah, I was going over speed limits. What are you going to do about it? I went over. What are you going to do about it? And I should stop that. Are you going to? I think it means, are you going to physically stop me from doing something? And you're not. Right. It's helpful if you're 220 pounds of solid muscle with giant, giant lethal hands that could kill you with one punch.
29:43Dana Carvey:That is helpful. I may not have the size to be physically threatening, but anytime you say, what are you going to do about it? Hey, you're in the wrong line at the bank. You're supposed to start over there. I want to say this all day. Yeah, I went over this line. What are you going to do about it? Well, you're in the wrong line. Yeah, but what are you going to do about it? That's a better one. But what are you going to do about it? I'm going to do nothing. What are you going to do about it? Why are we talking? So why are we even wasting time? Because you know you're going to do nothing. I do love it.
30:09Dana Carvey:Yeah. So that's the new catchphrase. You can use it at home with your friends. Try not to get in trouble with it, but it's kind of a fun thing. Use it in the car. It puts you in a positive sort of strong posture in life. Because Tyson, he hasn't fought for what, 20 years? Everyone knows that guy could kill me in two seconds. Yeah. He was the first heavyweight boxer, you know, champion that I met and then shook his hand. And it was like, it was like just, it weighed about 60 pounds. I go, your hand is so heavy. He goes, yeah, what are you going to do about it? Yeah, exactly. Well, no, I'm just saying it's a very heavy hand.
30:52I know, but what are you going to do about it? Does he always say, what are you going to do about it? He said, what are you going to do about it? I go, nothing, Mike, I know you, it's great. Sure. I, you know, no, it's a terrific hand. It's just, but the point is, is that brittle bones.
31:07Dana Carvey:One punch, you would not be happy. All right. Let's, let me show you a video I saw on Instagram. You know, when we, sometimes they pull sound from movies. This is funny sound. Tell me who these people are. Mark Zuckerberg. We got to go to Milan. Milan what? Italy? What's in Milan? was that your voice yeah yeah yeah no funny did someone do that there's a tick tock trend that i didn't even recognize my own voice where they go this is you and it's people and that other part play it again is it too late the the other part sandler this part and we gotta go to milan that doesn't even sound like it what's in milan it's grown-ups yes oh okay so they took those from So there's a scene in Grown Ups where we're at Woodman's and Sandler's embarrassed because Salmo Heike's wife says, you can't hang out with these guys next week.
32:00You know what we're doing. And I go, why? What are you doing? He goes, we got to go to Milan. I go, Milan what? Italy? What's in Milan? And then he goes, fashion show. And we're all like, no way, dude. You're leaving? And he's like, yeah. But I think it's funny. They pull it for that. And then everyone does the same thing. They pan to all these places in Italy.
32:20Dana Carvey:so it's sort of a slice of life grown-ups is trundling around in the culture i think i'm going on out on a limb but maybe you guys should make a third one i think people i think there's what they call demand in the marketplace yes tbs channel is asking there you go we need that thing tbs still exist i think we're keeping the lights on over there with grown-ups and joe dirt and Bench warmers. Oh, Blended is on. Blended. Blended every day? Huh. Oh, shit. Okay. I'm going to see Chris Rock because we're meeting in Milan this summer. He's going to take me on a boat. Really? Yeah. So that was arranged last night?
33:02You're going to go to Milan and go on a boat with him? It's a lot of big talk, yeah. I'll go. What are you going to do about it? I already worked it in. All right, let's do it. What are you going to do about it? Well, no, I'm just saying you're in the wrong lane. Okay, hold on, hold on. Don't push the action yet. I don't know what this is. Let's play it. We'll figure it out.
33:21Dana Carvey:All right, we can see it. This is how F1 drivers reacted to my really high backflip. I have one of the highest standing backflips. Is that real? That's a really high one. I'm going to rate it one through ten. Holy shit. Well, they're kind of shorter anyway, F1 drivers. How did you even figure that out? I won't tell the viewers, but it's because I'm black. What are you gonna do about this? It's fine, what are you gonna do about this? Standing backflakes, okay. I'm ready when you are. Ready? It's definitely higher than I pictured it. Well, he's got a big vertical and then he pulls his leg way up.
33:53I mean, that's vertical. I mean, that's vertical. I wanna have you ready for one more. Okay, one more. Okay. Alright, just stay right there. No, you can come closer. You don't gotta stay back. You come closer. This guy's tall as shit, too. Seems like it. One. Holy shit! It's really easy for him. It's so easy. Now Dana, you know my neck hurts because I did a backflip and I landed short. Is that how it happened? Is it an injury? That's how it happened. I didn't know that. I was doing backflips for a show in high school, like a talent show, and I was on the hardwood. And that day I was with my buddy, Dan, I think.
34:27And I go, hey, we're at the pool. And I go, I got to do a standing back tonight. So I was also in gymnastics. A lot of red flags here. In gymnastics. And we were doing a dance number that night. uh-oh uh-oh ladies and so i go in the daytime and i was in the pool and i was barefoot and i go in the grass and i go hey let me practice one before tonight because we have to do at the end of this thing we're doing sketches and stuff so i do it and he flips me around i go what happened he goes you weren't gonna make it i go no no no i i can do these i gotta do it tonight so that night i went in and i uh was backstage and the crowd is coming in and i go to the other guy it's pitch black back there I go hey yeah on that black hardwood I go hey flip me around I go I'm gonna do back and he flips me around and then I go okay don't spot me on this one he goes okay and I went and I came out short and missed my feet and land on my face and I balanced off my head and I go and he goes are you right and I go not at all and I walked away and this tooth was loose and it was pouring blood on my nose is pouring blood and I had black paint on my teeth in the stage so I got backstage and they call my mom out and a doctor from their back and is there a doctor in the house for real wow and he goes he goes he's a little rattled i mean by the way this is i had a can you i didn't know
35:45Dana Carvey:who anyone was for an hour i use this to illustrate it like you're you go okay you go up yeah yeah okay let me see i mean i'm standing there like they're supposed to go up and land like that yeah full rotation and i'm short you go wham but wouldn't you be on your back no you're coming on your feet oh okay these feet go up yeah and so i just basically did a back dive and all the weight went on my face okay here's your face all right buddy and then hey buddy yeah yeah it didn't go far enough like i put my feet out but the feet need to go all the way around like that it is hard and you went i know you went hey buddy i got this bad i could fuck this up like that and bam you didn't rotate in so you didn't get enough lift so it cracked yeah and it and my jaw and so well you could have been paralyzed yeah because it was you know i see these fails on tv it's like haha another fail they go and i'm like each one of those i go that guy's fucked for years because some of the so anyway i'm backstage i don't know who anyone is for a full hour right They should have choppered me out, everyone on one knee.
36:56But instead, I'm just backstage staring. And then my mom's, I don't know who she is. Doctor's like, he's a little shook up. He's rattled. All these old, it's like. Oh, all those little things. He's a little banged up. And they go get, but we don't have insurance. So they go, get him to the hospital. And she's like, oh my God, right away. And then my mom's like, Davey, do you want to go to the hospital? Or Pizza Hut. So I stayed, I got my memory back about halfway through the show. went out and did a couple of my numbers and then afterwards we went to the after part i never got it looked at and it started to get worse and then i got out of high school and got to uh started to stand up and then the stress combined with the never fixing it the neck and jaw was just fucked up and to this day that's why it's still did you ever get it you know mri to see i have had every well what happened are there discs are now kind of damaged everything's like smashed down and uh it's the muscles are the most pain so muscles are tough because any muscle relaxant knocks you out you know so right obviously it's really the guys like just you're so fucking tough as shit man it's like unreal well huh pizza was good how uh and the floor was okay i thought you'd ask about the floor the floor was fine yeah i had a neck thing that was fun but what was pizza hut like pizza hut i think it was more shakies but uh they have a salad bar that's why i like all these old trashy places like closest i came to that was that and i've
38:24Dana Carvey:told it before but i was doing um a flip on saturday night live snl snl on friday pre-tape i was playing vice president dan quayle as if he was dick van dyke and the old dick van dyke show and in that thing for you boomers he goes and there's an ottoman and he does a flip over it fake trip at flip yeah trade trip and it's hard it's hard to do it right right and i don't think there was no stunt coordinator there there was just the ottoman and it might have been teeny carpet or something like that there wasn't like a soft landing kind of thing oh yeah so the first time i did it like oh i didn't fully rotate and i landed here there's a bump here and then i was just stupid i kept doing it of course so then it's completely separated grade three i found And later I'm walking around 8H like this and Mary Tyler Moore's husband is there, who's a doctor.
39:19Dana Carvey:He goes, hey, come here. I think you got something. Oh, he says, and yeah, the husband said, oh, I'm gonna have to call the doctor. So I said, all right. So they checked me out and they said, it's probably non-surgical. So the next night I had to do the show with all the quick changes. Anyway, that's my story. No, I'm not even joking. It still hurts. After that on Schiller Vision, my neck was already fucked at snl and uh and i'm so thirsty to be in the show short film tom schiller says you want to be in this short film that no one will see or care about i go yep so i go to the park by the water over there on the west end with victoria we're playing old people and we live our whole life and then a bomb drops on us so they're on a ladder about 10 feet above me and keep dropping this bomb it hits me in the head and i fall down and it jams my neck so bad i I kind of heard.
40:10He goes, okay, let's get it again. I probably did it seven times. And it jammed my spine every time. It should have been illegal. We needed at least an intimacy coordinator on there. Because I was getting fucked on the deal.
40:21Dana Carvey:Well, why? After, okay, you do it three times. When did you think to say, I'm not going to do it? And he would say, you'd have to do it. And then you would say, what are you going to do about it? I'm not going to do anymore. Because I don't want the word to get back to Lauren that I didn't do it. Oh, okay, gotcha. And I didn't want to be in this dog shit three minute. Yeah. That was played at five to one. So I remember going to, and I was trying to think of who I could go to. I went to acupuncture and we have no time. So there's no time except a Sunday to go to any doctor. And I have my scrape pennies I make on the show.
40:57Other than that, all right, let's go to another video. This has been sad sack production.
41:01Dana Carvey:That was a feel good story of the year. I'm fucking dinged up. Can we edit that and bring it on the top of the show? When I go like this, I go, he goes, do i go i don't want to do it again what are you gonna do about it he goes beat the shit out of you and i go that backfired yeah you got to be menacing with that so they oh this is interesting danny you might think this is interesting maybe in 19 can i read this this is the big part in 1965 archaeologist in peru on earth ceramic jaguar vessel when they poured water it roared 2 ,000 years ago. Incas did something. Modern engineers can't precisely reproduce.
41:39I love old things that you go, are there aliens? Where did these come from? What's going on? So they make these so precise that when they pour them, they whistle a different whistle. Let's see it.
41:53Isn't that cool?
42:00Isn't that cool?
42:01Dana Carvey:So how old was it? When did they make those? Dude, 2 ,000 years ago when you were born. Well, I think it's clever, but imagine how much free time they had. I mean, it's like, there was no distractions. They had lots of time. Well, what happened was, and very olden times, humans would eat snails and snakes and anything they could, and we were incredibly healthy. Then the agricultural revolution came in. Wheat. So we were just eating wheat. But it was enough to, we could put it in a silo and then feed guys to think of how to make weapons. Because usually everyone's hunting and gathering. They had no time to make a weapon.
42:40Dana Carvey:Finally, that guy's eating tons of wheat. Yeah. And they're going, hey, what about this? And then the whistle workers were right next to him. I make a bird whistle high. Make a turtle. That's a good vocation back then. This is a Mayan accent from 1218. From Emperor's New Groove. I can't believe I nailed it. I don't know. You know how to... You know what I heard during like the Civil War and those old wars? All they had was Luna bars to eat. They just had protein bars. No real food around. Well, in World War II, they called it a hardtack, I think. Yeah. In World War II, then they had like those Nutri-Grain ones.
43:19Dana Carvey:Yeah. In the Strader Hormuz on the ships, they have Susie Q's. Those little... Strader Hormuz! What is it? With Trump or Biden? No, it's the old actor. Oh, Kirk Douglas up in the movie. Why is this funny? He's like, I'm going to call it the Stradamus. Excuse me? I told you. I don't want to tell you again. From now on, this body of water is going to be called, wait for it, the Stradamus. What do you think, Bert? I think it's a fine. Stradamus. Shit, we've gone this long already? Stradamus. moves. All right, let's do another story. This is for the 90 year olds watching. I know. We've been fucking yapping, dude.
44:07Okay. Oh, this is cute. Oh, Heather, this one I said is like you when you get news. So he's giving his fiancee, come over here and look. Here, pause it for a second.
44:18Dana Carvey:Surprising my fiancee with a puppy after two years of begging. She does a classic Heather thing. Doors open. Just open the gifts. Is it a joke? I'm scared. Just open it.
44:35She freaks out. I swear. No, it's not. I fall there. Look at this. I'm going to pose help. Do you think it's going to be a snake or something? No, it's a little puppy. It's cute. Oh. She's overwhelmed with joy. Don't give it to me. she's so excited it's too much look at the puppy so cute too hey mom she can't even deal with it jeez I'm so glad she got a puppy I know me too I wish I could get a puppy for everyone here how bad was life everything's straightened out
45:16you can't breathe you gotta do it look at that little puppy hey see that's the feel good one alright that's enough did you see the sequel there's one like goes two weeks later and there's puppy shit all over the rug and she goes you clean it up and the puppy's like oh mama I've been holding that one in in the box okay how many different raspberries do you have okay what's this let's see this is that's us from last night's show Skateboarding king To Botswana
45:56What a good crowd Dude let's bring that crowd on the road with us Wow That was us last night with Chris Rock Look at how great they are They're so excited To do one skateboard trick They think it's magic I love it When is the age where you kind of lose that kind of unbridled joy over tiny things. With ice cream. I can't believe it. Dude, I saw a guy doing, he's like a magician. He had like a puppet. And every time you turn around, he's got like a bunch of like, you know, six year olds. And he goes, I can't feed the puppy yet. Let me see what else I have. And the puppy bites it. And they all go, because they can't believe the puppy ate, you know, the fake.
46:37They scream and laugh so hard. And he goes, whoa, what happened? And they're all like, the dog, he ate it. It's so funny. I know. Yeah, that's the best time. And then everyone, you know, who needs it? I'd say, you know, 20 to 25 before life gets you by the scruff of the neck.
46:53Dana Carvey:By the short and curlies. You just laugh a lot. By the short and curlies. I don't know. What are you talking about? They used to say that when people had short and curlies. Now they don't anymore. Okay, let me just take a sip. Hey, man. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. These are winners find a way to win. Losers find a way to lose. These are high school cross-country posters. um and what which one would you have been going gets tough the tough get going winners find a way to win losers find a way to lose um i i had ass gas or grass nobody rides for free is that was that that's when you're trying to give a girl a ride phoenix junior high yeah yeah i don't know i know at mojave elementary uh masked mannequin scares car burglars which Oh, it leads to a shooting.
47:43This might not be as fun as the other one. Oh, I love these.
47:46Dana Carvey:It's perfect right after the puppy. Wow. What's going on?
47:56It gets broken into constantly. Like, all the time. So I was just kind of getting tired of it. But it backfired, obviously. Oh, he put a fake mannequin in his car to deter people. And then they shot it. Oh, like a scarecrow for thieves. walking away they just oh that's what happens in there like that's terrifying what if he was just sitting in there they thought he goes I'll just put a mannequin I'm getting robbed too much they'll think someone's home and then they just gun down the mannequin and then they just kill the mannequin and he's like Alex goes that's supposed to deter them it kind of backfired yeah it didn't it seemed to increase the amount of the violence factor they unloaded yeah because the mannequin goes what are you going to do about it and they shot him Okay, six.
48:42What are you going to do about it?
48:44Dana Carvey:Okay. Let them shoot the plastic man. As long as the earthy flesh tongue guy is safe. God, we've been yapping for so long. Almost an hour. Is that true? What? This podcast is so good. People were listening going, you could have lopped off 20 minutes and we wouldn't even notice. I was not funny at the beginning. I'm getting there. These are the comments or for this episode. Yeah. This is my comment. Shut up, Danny. They're in person now. They're in the same room. No, they're not. They always do it over Zoom. Shut up, Danny. Everyone's going to be like, run in here. Look at YouTube. They're in the same room.
49:15Run in here. Yeah. But they can't look at each other. They're kind of tilted. Their necks are a little stiff. You should watch the show too much, Danny. Imagine having a free day out in the town, sitting down for a nice lunch, relaxing. Then you get an alert. The window at your home has been broken while you're miles away. It's that kind of thing that can turn your good day upside down. And obviously that's where ADT comes in. ADT security systems are built for situations like this. They got 24 seven monitoring to help keep your home safer, whether you're there or not. No one wants to feel unsafe at home.
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52:04The Haranta virus? Yeah. Is it transmitted into the saliva or no? No, I'm scared of the Hantas virus. Hanta virus. Is that the rat virus? The rat one that they said today is taking over and the new Corona. And I'm scared to death. The cruise ship one where people are I won't be able to go to Milan. So what does that say? The people who got it, what did they do? No, but they're saying they're going to maybe stop people from traveling. This is the beginning. This is the beginning. Uh oh You mean a lockdown on cruise ships? Yep You heard it here I heard on three different news this morning I go Shut the F up You cannot stop
52:43Dana Carvey:Well this will be all the patrol cars The government officials And the Apache helicopters We are currently The princess USS Princess Is officially quarantined Please leave the boat No There's one man Right at the gangplank Sir Sir Please get out of the way So we can board this boat We are taking control of it No they're off it What are you going to do about it? All that? Oh, yeah. Because I wanted it to be a surprise. It was. That's not going to. I interrupted. No, I mean, what are you going to do about it? Is that the Hantavirus talking or is that the person? No, that wasn't. Here's the Hantavirus when the vaccine comes up because I'm here to kill you.
53:22He goes, what are you going to do about it?
53:23Dana Carvey:Yeah, the Hantavirus learned to do an impression of Tyson. It scares everyone. It scares the vaccine. I don't want you inside my body, Hantavirus. Yeah, what are you going to do about it? I'm just getting in there. What are you going to do about it? Exactly. You're going to get a fever, you know? Well, I don't want that. I can get away. What are you going to do about it though? See? This is the theme. This is the theme of the show. This will be on the YouTube. What are you going to do about it? This is how I do it. If I get a hold of a rhythm, it's like a song in my head and I can't stop and I'm sorry.
53:50Dana Carvey:Next week I'll have something else, but this is the, what are you going to do about it week? Because I just love that. I wonder if by Monday when this is on, everyone will be talking about the haunted virus or whatever it's called hantavirus and they said they're tracing people's because they got off the boat now where did they go where do they come from now they're starting to do that again the beginnings of like we got to find out where people were stop them from going somewhere else maybe slow down on travel and i'm like no no no no let me please help me understand like who wants to go on a large giant sweaty boat with all these people the toilets don't really work everyone's drunk people are falling over and then there's tidal waves someone always dies every story daily once a week so every time what about this good news i saw this morning moderna already is working on a haunt the virus vaccine oh no i do not yes to the rescue i'm gonna make a little stalk by.
54:52M-O-D-E-R-N-A. Okay, good. That's what I heard. I'm just telling you what I heard. Undisclosed amount. All right, I guess we should wrap up. Let's do one more. Thanks for coming. Oh, why not? Oh, this kid. I like this because this kid can recreate a logo with a chalk. What about a... Kleenex was good, right? Oh, so he's memorized the font and everything. Right, that looks good. You can't see it, Heather, can you? That looks just like it. What about Febreze? Febreze. Why did you sound like you're mad? I'm not. Febreze. Campbell's. I mean, this kid's pretty gifted if he can recreate it. This is cool.
55:38I like this. I can't think of any. Walt Disney. Big, big. Yeah, there you go. Oh, the circle. ooh the S too good job kid and he's also working in this and he's in a tight in a limited square yeah what about give him one more Cadbury fucking Cadbury god he never stops he really gives it a gripper got some Crocs on he's chilling he's uncomfortable now that was pretty good though that was cute yeah we've had some cuties today
56:15Dana Carvey:mmhmm yeah Except the haunted virus. Wait, what was the next one? That sounded fucking rough. Finis. I don't even know what that one is. Dance to fake asylum seekers not to abuse European women. It seems like a joke, but it's not. Wait, let's see it. Now it's too late. Stop. Don't touch me there. This is my no-no square. My no-no place, Heather. Oh, that's right. Stop. Don't touch me there. This is my no-no square. Can you see him dance? I'm singing so hysterical. Now, is that not AI? One more time for Heather. Or is that real? This is real. Stop. Don't touch me there. This is my no-no square.
57:01Stop. Don't touch me. Is it square down there? I never look and the lights are off. Well, I'm sorry. She goes, they're all square. And I'm like, are they?
57:10Dana Carvey:They're singing this to this guy. And the guy goes, you know, what are you going to do about it? I'm sorry. You set me up, right? That's a good wrap up. That was intentional, right? It had to be because that was the ultimate. That was a good wrap up. What are you going to do about it? This has been sort of the show. And we did a pretty good job. It had some dead spots on my end. Dana's always bringing it. I just felt silly. I felt a little... We're summarizing the show. A little spacey from the whole whoop-dee-doo yesterday, a two-hour drive to the gig downtown. I'm going to this Netflix brunch.
57:46Yeah. I'm going to go with Nikki. And daytime parties are a little odd for me because I'm a little bit of a recluse. And so I'm a little bit of a prude. I'm a little shy in crowds. But once I see that buffet. You're a wallflower. Yeah. So I'm going to do that. And then you're going to drive back after you go see the doctor. I'm going to go get a little adjustment.
58:11Dana Carvey:I will be sitting different. probably in 10 days I will get sort of a haircut I want people I don't know if you have your calendars out iCal alert got it and other than that I'm going to go to New York and then I'm going to go to Miami then you're coming back here because we're doing one in person yeah and then coming back here for our friend Brendan Fraser ladies and gentlemen and you will be going to brunches and parties. Clicking my heels around here, going to the Grove. Doing laps around your house. Worrying about the Hanta virus. Hanta who? Virus what? Punching rats in the stomach. Is it from rats?
58:55We had a rat investigation at our house once.
58:59Dana Carvey:Is it from your farm? No, no. It was another house, David. What if they trace it back to your farm? But here's the thing. They go, oh, don't be afraid. And they all show up in hazmat suits. They're all just like down. We're coming up. And then we catch rats. They're like a foot long. And you're like, you have to go down. They've been smashed by the trap and you got to handle them. This one tight. That is allergic to this story. That's all my rat story. I don't really, I like, I'm not a rat guy. I mean, I knew a guy had a pet rat and loved his pet rat. I just don't, I don't get it. Did you notice that my leg is showing more as the episode went on?
59:40Yeah, people are already lighting up the comments.
59:42Dana Carvey:I got to get a 32 inseam or something to cover up. Are you growing out of your pants? Well, my legs have gotten a little longer recently. I don't know what it is. It's some kind of hantavirus side effect. Make a stop at TJ Maxx. I'm not spreading anything. Inhalation of virus particles from infected rodents, urine, droppings, or saliva is how it spreads. I'm not eating any more rat poop. Hey, you know what? at least for a while. That's anti-road. Man, I'm not comfortable with that kind of thinking. That's rude talk to her. Like, they're the bad guy. Yeah, they're not the bad guy. I think that's prejudicial in a sense.
1:00:16I'm with you. Just blame it on the rat. That's an easy one to blame it on.
1:00:20Dana Carvey:Yeah. Everyone hates rats. All right, thanks for coming, guys. Thanks for being here. Next week, we'll see you again on another edition of Boop Boop.
1:00:33Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, Be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now! Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.
1:01:00Dana Carvey:Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, And the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.
From the publisher
The guys discuss Mike Tyson, the hantavirus, and golfing with Andrew Santino and Bert Kreischer. They also cover their live show with Chris Rock for the Netflix is a Joke Festival, and go over the news of the week.
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