Norm MacDonald, Grudges, and Loose in the Crotch with Kevin Nealon

20:19Dana Carvey:Snapple Real Fact 455. Movie trailers used to come on at the end of the movies, but no one stuck around to watch them. I've heard that. Snapple Real Fact 831. Adults laugh only about 15 to 100 times a day, while preschoolers laugh an average of 300 times a day. Snapple Real Fact 1983. The first player drafted to play pro football never played in the league. That's interesting. Snapple, real fact, 1274. Kickball is referred to as soccer, baseball in some parts of Canada. Hmm. So, grab a Snapple. Take a second. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the moment. Because let's be honest, this might be the most refreshing part of your day.

21:03Snapple, make your break more interesting.

21:06Dana Carvey:Hmm. Summer. What do you think about summer? Coming up. Sneaks up on me. Yeah, I know. It is coming up. I'm trying to juggle plans, juggle meals, and enjoy the weather. Instacart's made that easier. I can sit outside, build my car with everything I need for the week, not have to step away from what I'm doing. I've been leaning on delivery through Instacart for meal prep especially, David. Like getting fresh veggies, proteins, even those perfectly ripe avocado. Oh, oh, oh. I set my preferences once and it's so seamless. It saves me a lot of time and makes sure I'm getting all the quality I want.

21:49Dana Carvey:And the convenience is huge. You know, when I'm busy or just don't feel like making a store run, I can order in the morning and have everything ready for the same day and sometimes in as fast as 30 minutes. It just fits in my schedule instead of the other way around. Instacart brings convenience, quality, and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacar app now and get groceries how you like. And do it instantly.

22:19So you asked me what I have coming up. There's a movie coming out soon in the next week or so called Mermaid that I play a part in. I heard about Mermaid. You know Mermaid? I saw Kirk Fox. Kirk Fox, yeah. uh robert patrick um or is it patrick robert i think it's robert patrick it's a couple of these people have the same uh for you know different first names for the firm like uh jeff jeff jeff jeffries i think that right yeah or people like that anyway um yeah so it's a really cool movie it's kind of a thriller it's kind of like um splash on uh you know well yeah is there

23:03Dana Carvey:a mermaid in it? There's a mermaid. There is a mermaid. It's not your typical mermaid. It's not your typical mermaid. The mermaid, when you see it, I don't want to give away the thing, but the face is totally distorted and it's almost alien-like. It's very scary. It opens up with Tom Arnold on a big yacht. It's nighttime and he's drinking. Hey, buddy. and he's drinking and he hears a noise and one of the dinghies in the back of his big yacht that's with a tarp and he goes under and he looks at it and what he sees horrifies him so he takes his shotgun and he shoots the mermaid and it falls over and goes in the water so it's wounded it's not dead and the mother's with it and the thing washes up to the shore I don't want to tell you I don't want to give you the whole movie but anyway it's about this guy this percocet addict played by Johnny Pemberton who rescues the mermaid takes it in, keeps it in his bathtub keeps it hopped up on Percocet and at the same time the mermaid and at the same time he's being chased by this kind of like druggie drug guy who he owes him money so he kind of, the whole movie is kind of like him trying to escape from that guy and also get the mermaid away from these people well is it hard to find a real mermaid to be in the movie?

24:30No, no. Third dime a dozen, man. You see them everywhere. They're like dolphins. You get a real mermaid, you're in the movie, then you go, wait, this is a real movie. This mermaid is worth more than us doing the movie when you cast it. You have to wear a flipper if you're... Who played the mermaid? Daryl Hannah. Shirley MacLaine.

24:55Dana Carvey:Shirley MacLaine. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Well, who voiced the mermaid? What does the mermaid talk like? Deborah Winger. That's not, is it? Hey, I'm a mermaid. She did E.T. as well. That's the rumor that she did E.T. For real? Debbie Winger? Oh, no. Dana knows her from the fucking Travolta sketch. Oh, my God. Here we go. Oh, right, right. You should ride that bull with me sometime. Even I remember. Slack so weird I mean weird is the word for people out there Still harbor a desire to do a great job Weird It's Slack really weird That's it That's him from the 1970s John if you're listening Come on and set the record straight We love Travolta for Quentin Tarantino's Welcome back Cotter I played Horseshack It was quite I saw a clip of it on TikTok I don't remember Have you ever seen a sketch where you don't really remember everything about it?

26:00I'm like, of course. There's too many. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't remember. I'm like, we did a pre-tape or walking down the street, like all tough. I'm like, I don't remember that.

26:08Dana Carvey:Let me ask you guys a question. On YouTube, SNL, what's your biggest banger in terms of views? Which sketch? Ooh. And maybe you don't know. From our period? Yeah, from when you were on SNL. I mean, and also it can be just one that you remember that got maybe, because I have one in mind that got way more than I thought it would ever get. I bet Kevin's is Chippendale's. Well, that's definitely a big one, yeah. That's a biggie. The one I had the most fun in, I think, was called Il Contore or Contora, you know, Bellissimo. It's where he's faded sailor. They were these Italian waiters. Kirstie Alley and I were on a date.

26:51Dana. Dana was on it too. Yeah, you were dry humping

26:55Dana Carvey:victoria on the table behind us yeah right that was that was ill legal i had her legs up but it was crazy i don't know how we got away with a lot of stuff back then well smigel was told by the census group guide not to do that for the air show and he faked like he was trying to signal me right before three two one go i see him kind of waving i just ignored it but yeah that was uh I love the perspective of Kevin is the date. I didn't even remember that. Yeah, it was Kirstie Alley. Kirstie Alley, yeah. Who said, yeah, can I lick your face? Oh, totally, for sure. She was so gung-ho. This was flattering that Marcelo from SNL was doing an Italian waiter type sketch, I think with Pedro Mescal.

27:44Dana Carvey:And so they said, look at this sketch as a kind of context, the one that you were in with me and stuff. And he said, yeah, it was better than ours. And we all said at the same time, well, we got away with so much. Well, got away. You could do a different stratum of comedy back then, you know. I mean, look at the penis sketch, you know. Hey, nice penis, Ted. Denver, huh? Let's get penis down. Yeah. Is that what you said? That's funny. It was a nudist colony and there was a fence. So we were all bare chested. Tom Hanks was in it, Kevin. And we were all just commenting on, hey, terrific penis. I mean, it went on for like eight minutes.

28:20The most penises in any sketch in history, right?

28:23Dana Carvey:Yeah. Yeah. Dana and I also had an idea. We used to kind of riff in our, Dana would stay over the garage sometimes when he came down from San Francisco. He had a studio apartment up there in his house. We rented. But we would be out in the driveway a lot and we would riff on ideas, you know, for characters before either one of us got SNL. And one of the characters were these two porn actors getting made up, sitting in the director's chair in front of the mirrors and the makeup art, the fluffers were in. and they were working down there. And we'd be just talking regularly like, hey, you know, so Ted, what are you doing tomorrow?

28:57Dana Carvey:Yeah. Yeah, you know, I don't know. I'm just going to hang out, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Marcy, yeah, give me a little more sparkle on the left side for the people. Everything was for the people. Yeah, fluff it up real nice for the people. And we ended up doing it on SNL one time, right? We did it on SNL. Did we really? I don't even remember. Maybe it didn't make it to air. Yeah, we were bare chested. Yeah, fluff it up real nice. And then we started talking about planting down there, make a little shrubbery around it, you know? Yeah, yeah. Put some pinstrips on the side just to make it look like it's going faster, you know?

29:31For the people. For the people.

29:34Dana Carvey:Yeah, that didn't go anywhere. You have a lot of Hans and Franz. Lately, Kevin on Twitter, Dana doesn't look at Twitter as much. I follow Kevin. It's called X. sorry it's called sorry oh wait it's called x they just changed that 500 years ago so yeah I see a lot of hear me now and believe me later and it's good no one's I love a good Hans and Franz well we had more fun we had so much fun writing those two characters as Dana will attest I mean we couldn't I mean I never had more fun with a character than writing those two no I still find that the fun well because Lauren once said to me It's like, it's all about who's, who's, you know, the most badass that, you know, I'm better than you, but secretly embedded in it, which was a notion that when Kevin and I are riffing was their defensiveness.

30:32Dana Carvey:And that's first we were just doing it. We pump you up, this and that. This is how I riffing on the phone. And then Kevin spontaneously just said, and if you don't believe that we could do this. So that unraveled a million jokes because then we were at imaginary enemies, assuming they're not respecting us and then saying these torturous things we would do if we could very easily find them and do these things. And that's to me, I've never gotten tired of that part of it. We are actually threatening to torture people. I mean, the one line that I don't know who thought this one, but it never it was a perfect Hans and Franz.

31:10Dana Carvey:your buttocks are like marshmallows you're lucky we don't have a campfire here so to unpack that is your buttocks are like this and we are going to light your ass on fire right is what they're saying we're gonna learn right we'll make some s'mores out of you yeah that's right you know but you know in in in the long run they would never do that that would be too scared and offensive. Oh, no. It was all a threat. They never left the studio. Empty threats. I'll take that mic stand like your little skinny arms and snap it. Another one I liked was like we could very easily shape this flab in your back into a rope ladder so you could climb down into the sewer because that's where losers live.

32:02Dana Carvey:So it was like complete abstract. Torturous I just like that everything is easy for them Like it wouldn't be hard at all Do you remember the Arnold one that Arnold could very easily Flick us with his little finger And he was flying across the room So you land in your own baby poop Baby poop Arnold could very easily And you fly across the room And land in your own baby poop It's just poetry, I'm sorry By the way, we should plug We're going to do a couple of dates, one in southern Washington near Portland. I don't know the name of the town. And then we're going to do an outdoor concert at the Seattle Zoo, a day on the green.

32:49Dana Carvey:So Kevin and I, we will, Hans and Franz will definitely appear. Yeah, because I want to make jokes about Seattle. The space needle, you say it's so large, we could use it like a little toothpick. It doesn't even make sense. I would use that for the COVID jab. If the lion in the cage over there was to be released, he would be snapped into flubber more quickly than you could say flubber flab. That's where Dana's character became kind of, I don't know what it is. You know, he's very teasing, like a very coy. I got really bored. The Puget sound should be called puny sound. Because they're so bad and their puns and threats are so ridiculous and they're so self-satisfied about them.

33:41You guys roast Seattle. Hans and Franz roast Seattle.

33:45Dana Carvey:Yeah. Sorry about the homeless situation, but at least some of them have muscles. Everyone goes too far. Doesn't even make sense. What about you? Were you in Bad Idea Jeans?

34:03I see that one I know Phil, I know Mike We were all sitting on the bleachers You know what, I think I was I think I might have been in there Why don't you chat GBT I feel like you were, but I don't think Dana was But I see that sometimes Bad Idea Jeans was a good funny one I don't know if it was Jack Handy or if it was Smile Man

34:24Dana Carvey:There was one Kevin and I did with Rob Schneider That it casually Would pop up and then And it was like, I don't know, three or four years ago, it was like 16 million. But in the in the last two years or so, it's gone up to 21 million thousand trillion. It's so politically incorrect. Oh, is it the security? Security guards. Sharon Stone. Sharon Stone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing so inappropriate. And I miss that inappropriate comedy. I'm playing an Indian guy, you know, so.

35:00they should they should be able to go back and you know cancel you for different things you did 30 years ago you know like the uh asian guy and the indian guy ching change the uh asian gentleman and who could be mad who would think that was wrong horrible well well it didn't

35:20Dana Carvey:harbor i stand by it because it had no stereotypes there was no stereotypes in it there's no stereotype for a man who comes to America to sell pet chickens, but loves them so much. He doesn't want anyone to buy them. Nothing negative. He's happy. Yeah. What about you? Yeah. David, what's your most risky bit? By the way, mine were all on edge. I was the edgyest comic available. You were so edgy that Eddie Murphy threatened you. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I've seen hollywood minute bits on tiktok or wherever and i was like ayayay like some of them it's hard to draw the line between clever and then a little too mean and i think downy sometimes will ask when he comes out would push me a little bit you know what are you scared to go after this guy and i'm like downy now you're getting your anger at celebrities but then they always they hide in the shadows and then it's like even ching changed was dana first time i got a writer's credit Dana Carvey's Ching Chains character Most racist thing And I never got a writing credit Till that time Now you're the guy I have a funny story about Kevin That remember when I got attacked In my house It's not 100 % your fault But I don't think Well should we fill in the listeners Or they all know about the attack in the house By the way Before you start this I'm writing a list of things that people are telling about me stories to have at my eulogy and my memorial that people can talk about okay makes you look bad but it's fine you got to mix it up mix it up uh so this was during a hike on the hike we were on like did i tell you this story yeah i told it to you already on that on that hike hiking with kevin oh really both have been on i yeah but i love to tell it again i see that you with kevin had different hikers since i thought it sort of i was the grand finale but nope the one-off there's still you have some good guests on there there's some interesting guests yeah tom hanks did it recently and brian cranston yeah a lot of good guests julian lennon julian lennon was it julian my favorite question asked julian was um um who's your favorite beetle he looked at me for a long time and my favorite question for caitlin jenner was caitlin if you could change one thing about yourself what would you change i like you're like theo like just a question no matter what the answer it's going to be clipped out because no matter what the answer it's a funny setup yeah yeah yeah when theo asked uh neil degrassi the other guy goes do you think space is gay yeah like well theo i i haven't gotten that question before you know it's like so stupid i know they're serious i haven't thought what he answers yeah it's all just funny uh yeah so the quick story is i got a guy that i worked with came in and i had a disagreement with him in my house but the disagreement was he was when joe dirt was printed out he worked with me so when someone works you there he's printing out the scripts to go out but he read it and so he goes can i have dibs on this part now he had an act he's done a little comedy improv and he wanted to get into comedy but that awkward thing where you're like okay i want to help you and i was knew what having someone work for me and he goes it's not a big deal it's like three pages or four pages which is a big deal it's not two lines three four pages that's a lot yeah and he didn't have any experience but i said if i can i said i will try because i see him every second of every day so how can i just go fuck no which i just should have so here comes the movie we're casting it and then at the toward the end it's still open because we're not actively trying to cast it because i'm bananas for doing this keeping it open because we want every best person for the part so sandler calls up and says hey i think kevin nealon would be good oh yeah hello um would be good for uh the guy that works at the junkyard or whatever impound your car and I go, oh, that'd be great.

39:51He said, can I tell him? I said, yeah, 100%. So I tell the guy, hey, listen, it's not going to work out. He's like, what the fuck? That's the first sign of trouble. He got really mad. I go, well, listen, he goes, tell Sandler no. I go, listen, he's producing the movie. He's the reason it got made. And Kevin Nealon's great. There's nothing wrong with this situation. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. But maybe the next one we can dog eat or something.

40:19Dana Carvey:But couldn't you find a little thing for him? Couldn't you shoehorn some? Because in Tommy Boy, he had something, but I think it was just a reaction shot. He worked for Pete Siegel, the director. That's how I met him. So anyway, that's already, listen, the red flag store is running out of business at this point because there's so many red flags I disregard. Then I'm in editing the night before it happens. Kevin does it. We're watching his part. He's like, that's the guy that fucked me. And I'm like, this is not a realistic thing to say. This is not a normal assistant language. And I didn't know this.

40:55I didn't know this until years later when you finally told me. I know. I said, he could have been coming after me too. I know. I shield you guys. I shield you from the world. So anyway, that night is when it happened. But it was just a normal situation where he should have said, hey, you know, Kevin's great. And Kevin was great. And so all in all, it's not all Kevin's fault, but it's like 99%. That's all. I don't know why you promised him the role, man. You should never promise him the role. I didn't promise. I said, listen, these things are tricky. You never know. That's a kind of. That's a promise in Hollywood.

41:35Yeah, it is. It is. It is. That's every day. So it's still open. So you're not reading people for that. I'm like, I don't fucking. I'm already in the weeds. I got a bigger fish to fry. And finally I'm like, Oh, it might shake out another promise. And then, uh, I'm like egging it on going, I know Kevin Nealon. I don't know why he's, he did this on purpose to you. Why aren't you going to sharp elbows?

41:59Dana Carvey:Kevin wanted it. What am I going to do to him? He's beat me up with his baby. Yeah. Why didn't he go after Kevin? I got some questions from the crowd. But you're, you're kind of, you're kind of like, you know, missing the lead part of the story is how um violent he reacted to that to you yes yes i should when it built up that because the first sign is when he says tell adam what the fuck tell him no call him right now tell him no fuck that it's not his movie i go who would say that i go adam can ask anything but he's really hands off he's saying this is your movie you you and fred wrote it do your best with it if you need help tell me but we had oh you and fred wrote it yeah okay freddie wolf hey hey david oh you're funny you're you're good you're good too i don't know david can we get can kevin not do it and skippy can do it because i'm sort of managing Skippy right now.

42:58Dana Carvey:That was really good. Not really good. You're good. Kevin, I'm going to talk about you in one second. I just want to tell Dana one thing. He's also the, Fred Wolf is also the disclaimer guy. I didn't ask you because, and it's nothing about you, but I think that maybe somebody, and again, you are my favorite person, but I don't think that you would be maybe right for this role. And you're right for a lot of roles. I mean, don't get me wrong. You're right for a lot of roles. You'd be good in anything you did, but It's just this one right now. Yeah, we could have used him with that. You're a guy.

43:33Dana Carvey:Bring in Fred Wolf. You're great. I have so many good ideas for you in the next film. I think what I said while I was getting the shit kicked out of me that night, I was like, blame Fred. He didn't want you. I sing like a canary. And the bronze strokes, if you've ever had someone in your life And then you realize that they were quietly, secretly harboring a lot of grudges. Yeah. You know, and it's stored up grudgery later on. Whoa, I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah, it was a little anger and it was it was starting to point towards me. But whatever. We got through it. Whatever. Anyway. Would you guys want to know who has a grudge against you or would you rather not know?

44:23No, I don't think so. you do want to know Heather? Oh, that's reminds us of this great Keanu Reeves, Reeves movie called the outcome.

44:35Dana Carvey:The David is, he is being blackmailed with a videotape and he's a big star in the movie, Kevin, and his movie is about to come out and this will ruin it. So as Jonah Hill manager, lawyer says, Hey, go back and apologize to everyone you were mean to on the way up. and this might just go away. People are just mad at you. And he's like, oh, so he has to go back. He's like, who's mad at me? Because he's delusional because he's such a big star. And they're like, oh, we have a list of about 45 people. So he goes back to his child star manager, played by Scorsese, who lives in a bowling alley. And he has to apologize to him.

45:16Scorsese was good at it. He was good, wasn't he? He was good. He goes like this. I was like, hey, I just wanted to say, just really sorry and he goes thanks reef sorry for what he goes uh they didn't coach him that far so he's like i don't know and then he explains to him why he should be sorry for what he did and then he goes to his ex-girlfriend then his mom and then it just it's really like kind of a that's the dramedy part because it gets a it gets pretty heavy but yeah and And answer to your question, I don't know if I would want to know everyone. Here's what I would like to know. What level of fan are people that come up to me?

45:59Because people, sometimes they go, I'm a big fan. They don't know one thing I've ever done. So they're like a one out of a hundred. But then there's people that you can tell that really like you. But some people just go, oh, hey. And they get a picture and they walk away and they're like, I hate that guy. But they just know, they just seen you somewhere. They don't know why. Some people go, I'm taking a picture because they did. I'll find out later what you do. The other thing is I dread, like when I was starting out, I have to use the public rest, you know, the restroom that the rest of the audience used.

46:32And I'd be in the stall after my show and I hear people coming in and go, wow, the opener was so much better than the headliner. I don't know. It's a waste of money. And, you know, I don't want to know. I don't want to hide under the bed and hear somebody, you know, talk about me. I went, I did a hike with Lin-Manuel Miranda, you know, who wrote Hamilton. Yeah. And I was using one of those, you know, mics that you hook to your collar or whatever. Lavalier. It was the first time. Yeah. First time I was using it and we finished the hike and I forgot to take his off. And I had to chase him down like a half hour later, I call his manager and he goes, oh yeah.

47:08Okay. He's on the corner, you know, 92nd and, you know, whatever it was. And so I'm walking. It took me like a half hour to get to him. And I know that everything he said is on that recorder for that half hour. And I never listened to it because I didn't want to know. Could we listen to it? I didn't want to know what he said. Sure. It's out there now. I've heard some clips from it. It's not great, dude. It's not great, man. You put it out on TikTok. It's not great. Yeah. It's out there. It's next to my UFO tapes that never got released. I'm like, release the Nealon tapes. No, let me tell you something about UFOs.

47:43It's been all of this stuff about the releasing UFO stuff from the government. It doesn't, nothing matters to me now with AI. It's like, that's not real. That's not real. Even if I see it, I think it's AI. That's true. In the air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if you're in the thing, you're being kidnapped. No, this is AI. I go, proved it to me, and then they anally massage me or whatever it is.

48:08Dana Carvey:How would you know about that, David? Why are you saying that? Have you seen the doctor when he's with the girl and she goes, I'm having a little soreness on my anus around the entrance. And he goes, oh, well, that's actually an exit. So the quicker you change the traffic, the quicker the skin will go away. That's horrible. That's great. That's horrible. Well, from the TikTok, it's not that squeamish.

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51:14Dana Carvey:Can I tell you my hiking story that was out of character for me? So I'm hiking, I'm hiking, hiking, and then I see like eight people and they're going to take a picture. And I normally don't do this, but I go, I'll take it. Yeah, we want video. So it was eight of them. and they sang happy birthday till Sylvester, happy birthday, big thing. Oh, it looks great. And I don't know why. I guess I was kind of on a buzz from hiking so hard and I just did Stallone to them. I want to thank you very much for saying happy birthday to me. And then I just walked away and they yelled down the trail and they said, hey, wait a minute.

51:50Dana Carvey:Are you that guy? That was it. They didn't have a name. They didn't have anything. Yeah, that's good. I thought they were going to do that. Isn't that a great story? here's a here's a here's a fun story if you want to hear that going along those lines i would go down to austin uh every year and this by the way this you call him dj still this guy um he's like the howard stern he's like the howard stern of austin and uh he uh and i do his show like every year you know for like years i've been doing it and we usually go out for lunch after that so we uh the last time i was there it was like four years ago when i did a show we do the show and then we go out to lunch and we're sitting there for like half hour and he goes you know what i noticed about you you're not getting recognized as much anymore oh my god and i thought you know what you're right you're right he goes yeah heads used to turn a lot but now it's like people are looking at their menus you know i thought you know what he's right no matter that's why i've been feeling so good lately yeah i had someone say to me they said you know I was at this Grammy party and my friend's wife goes, you know what?

52:57You were so goodness. Why don't you get back out there? Get back and do stuff again. I go,

53:04Dana Carvey:don't you talk, I'll knock you out. I had a woman at an airport get in front of me and goes, you're better than all the rest of them and just walked away. That's a compliment. I told my sister, leave me alone. But Kevin, to that guy, Was he being passive aggressive to point that out? That's weird. Or was he just sort of naive and whimsical? I think it was naive. And he was just, he might've been joking even, you know, but here's, here's something if you want to get brought down a lot is go on a chat GBT and ask the question, are you handsome? Oh, no. Is Dana Carvey handsome? And see what they say.

53:44Fuck off. My son did that. My son did that to me. Oh, no. No. Yeah. Yeah. And it said, you know, it depends on what you mean by handsome.

53:57Dana Carvey:Well, I was at a resort. I was at a resort doing a doing a gig and you had been there the year before some kind of gig, whatever. And the woman in the sports shack or whatever. Oh, yeah, Kevin. You know, yeah, I'm a friend of his. He goes, I didn't realize how good looking he was. Look at that. Look at that. I had a guy at the airport once say to me, hey, you're a lot better looking on TV. But I think he meant the other way around. No, in Scottsdale last week, I'm leaving Houston's. I love Houston's. And a lady walks to me and she goes, you look like that guy in Grown Ups. You know the guy? He's a little taller.

54:39Do you know who he is? I go, which am I, Sandler? And he goes, no, he plays the blonde guy in it. and i go oh yeah i have heard that and he she goes but he's a little taller than you i go a little or a lot he goes he's he's he's kind of tall but you sound like him

54:57Dana Carvey:never figured it out i had the same thing i had a woman in the store and she goes you you look just like dana carvey i go i know it's weird it's weird and she just kept going i mean i can't even believe it me neither but yeah i know you never yeah i get norm i get norm once in a while yeah because we both did snl i think you know oh yeah fellow yeah yeah people love norm mcdonald you know and the post norm mcdonald i mean it's just he really has become a legend he got bigger yeah for sure yeah definitely i've seen stuff he's doing that i never saw before that's hilarious exactly i see shit like his talk show that's like a podcast with Adam Egan and I'm like, oh, they have funny guests.

55:44They make the guests read a dirty joke. I'm like, the balls. But the fans that go on that are fans of Norm that are famous go along with it and it's so funny.

55:53Dana Carvey:There's one recently up that he's got Mike Tyson on his show and he's clearly kind of agitating Mike Tyson in his own Norm way. Yeah, he's the best heavy champion or whatever he said. And there was a lot of tension there with Norm and it makes him mesmerizing a lot. He goes on The View. They play him on Conan a lot, old talk shows. I took him to Palm Springs once for a golf clinic because we both like to golf, even though we both suck. So, you know, all the way out there, he's listening to Johnny Cash with his bare foot out the window because he doesn't drive, you know. Got to drive him everywhere.

56:29He's always late. I can't find my shoes. You know, so we get out there and we're doing this golf clinic with these professionals. And they're videotaping us, our swings and everything. By the end of the golf clinic, we're looking at the swings. You know, the pro is showing us what we're doing wrong and all that. And he's arguing with the pro. Nah, that's what I'm doing. You know, that's, no, this way is better for me. I said, Norm, this guy's a pro. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

56:53Dana Carvey:He deflates. He knows that's funny. Yeah, the one on The View where he goes, yeah, Bill Clinton, he's great, except he killed a guy, you know? And Barbara Walters was like, oh, we can't, what are you talking about? No, I'm just saying he killed a guy, right? It's not a good thing. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but you killed it. It's not what you want from your president. But yeah, the clips of Norm are hysterical on Conan 2 with the old-fashioned story. This guy had a shoe, right? And he lost it in a trap, and it goes on and on. Little Johnny goes to school one day. This fella, this fella.

57:31Yeah. Yeah, when he does knick-knack paddywhack, he does that joke, but I like the beginning. He goes, he goes into a bank and the woman's name is Mrs. Whack. So that's her name. Mrs. Whack. I'm like, well, this is going to be part of the joke at some point, I guess. Was he the one that did the joke about Hitler's dog? How the dog liked him? I think so. Yeah, he did a lot of Hitler.

57:57Dana Carvey:Did you guys ever do Hitler bits? Did you have a Hitler joke in your act ever? The closest I came to that is Hans and Franz. Yeah. No, I never did a Hitler joke. I had one. Go ahead. Give us your best stuff. I don't do it anymore. No, it was just the observation. Hitler's screaming every time we see him. And I said, I do this for a living. And I mean, backstage, he had to be just wiped out. It's almost feminine. Like, oh, oh, Hitler. I can't feel my deltoid. Who ever thought of this? Shoot him. I can't take it. You can't do two shows a night either. It's too hard. But yeah, it's hard to come up with an original Hitler joke.

58:44Kevin, I have one of my final questions. Do you do two shows a night? Yes, except on Sunday. Yeah, I do two shows. And arenas. I do two shows and arenas as well. And how long do you do a set if you're doing two shows? Do you do 45? I do about an hour and 10 minutes. You do? Both times? twice yeah wow yeah i do in fact i'm getting to that point here's i started with an emcee you know as you always do it's a three-man act or three-woman act or whatever and um and so i thought i don't really need an emcee because one time the emcee said this man needs no introduction i thought you know this guy's right we don't need him on the show so um sorry so anyway i thought i'll just do a two-man show from now on.

59:34So I did a two-man show and I'm thinking, I don't really need another person because I know Bill Maher used to do that. He would just come out and do his set. And, um, you know, it makes kind of sense.

59:46Dana Carvey:No opener. No opener. And I don't even have an introduction. I just have them play the music for a little bit and then I just walk out. It's real jazzy the way I do that. Do you dance around a little bit or something? What are you doing? No, no. I come out and I receive the applause. I accept it. I thank them. Let it wash over you. I let it settle in and then I take the mic out and they stop the music and all systems go. And then you start talking into the microphone. He uses a banjo I saw in the latest clips. What's going on? Oh, that was the bit that I cut from my special, which is called Lucid Crotch.

1:00:26Dana Carvey:Was that the banjo that I got you for your 50s? No, no, no. But you and Gary Prince, a guy that we knew who has since passed, gave me a great Gibson banjo for my guitar. I think it was 60 at the time or 50. Prescription fitness. Whatever. That's right. Yeah. So that I was just going to say, so the banjo part was when I grew up, nobody liked the banjo. It was very annoying. So I had to play it very quietly in my room with like a sock tied around the neck. but now I like to go I play it everywhere now and I just let loose on it and I have so much fun would you like to hear a song sure yeah yeah so I have them bring the banjo out to me and I sit down and I play them very softly they can't even hear it barely my foot stomping is louder than the banjo itself and then they and then they take the banjo away or do you actually show them that you can play they want to see I do the whole song I get everybody going like that I get the clapping going and, um, and I tell them to keep it quiet.

1:01:27I go, break it down, break it down.

1:01:30Dana Carvey:Yeah. And then at the end I, my roadies come out and they take the banjo from me. I just hold it up and they take it and, uh, and I go back to the mic, but I cut that out. You and Dana both have, if you, let's say you're doing Ohio in three days, Columbus, do you call and say, have a banjo or a guitar there? you know what uh you could do that most people like their own instruments but i'll tell you what i i i like a green room that's comfortable you know the green room i like something in there that's comfortable a lot of those green rooms have those big white fluorescent lights on the ceiling with no lamps or anything or floral lamps so i just added this to my writer that they've got to have a floral lamp with a dimmer because i like to kind of chill before i go on you know a little meditation or whatever, just kind of snooze.

1:02:21And you know, you can get a cheap, cheap floor lamp from target probably for, you know, $42. They say we're going to have to take away your Triscuits you want. So it's a point.

1:02:31Dana Carvey:Yeah. Could I tell you a tactic to get a standing ovation? So what I do, I, I used to say get me a guitar that can be plugged in electrified, but now I say a Taylor cause they don't go out of tune, but at the end of your act, you're doing your guitar, your banjo, And you're doing a song about them. Wow, wow, wow. Bam. And then I take the neck of the guitar and I hold it up. So I'm like, it's like a torch. I'm like, but I see people as I bring the guitar up, they tend to stand up with it. So you could just at the end go the banjo and go good night. And then just hold it up like this. And you'll get a standing ovation every time.

1:03:13I'm not kidding. I don't like a standing ovation. it feels very uncomfortable for me, you know, to be adored that much.

1:03:22Dana Carvey:Yeah. And I just don't like to stay out there. It's just like with the good nights on SNL. I hated going up there and waving goodbye. And people would be jockeying to get to the front, you know, to stand next to the host. And I'm like in the back. Lauren had to have Marcy Klein come running after him to find me. He says, Lauren wants you on the stage. And I'm like, ah. Lauren wants you on the stage. But people don't realize there's a dress show. And we do the good nights of fake good nights two hours before. And then we got to do it again. Like, oh, hugging. Oh, I can't believe it. Yeah. Marcy.

1:03:52It was just a lie. Marcy used to come in mind. Get out there. Lauren wants him. Like, there's no way Lauren was out there. Somehow figured out I wasn't there yet. And Marcy, get in spade. Yeah. And I believed it every time. Like, Lauren ran out there. I mean, it's the same with the weekend update. You know, you do all those jokes in the dress. and then you kind of it's an act and then you do in the live show and you laugh in the same places like that's the first time you've heard it you know but it is an act really yeah that's it is a show business get it what else do you have for kevin and we're going to talk we're going to plug uh the special loosen the crotch i got the hiking with hiking with kevin on youtube which both of you guys have done numerous times we were great hiking with kevin he's going to do it again sometime when he uh i want to go slightly downhill not even flat anymore i swear to god i'll have a car waiting at the bottom yeah just go down i would i would do it and when we get one of those

1:04:55Dana Carvey:uh wagon like a little kid's wagon we spade sits in the way again and we pull them up the hill it's three of us doing it we pull you up i like that i like that so that's on youtube and then i have my special i'll call loosen the crotch that's also on youtube great and um and i have Mermaid, the movie coming out. When does that come out? I believe it's the 27th of May. I believe. I'm not sure when this will air. And then also, I didn't mention this, but my wife and I, along with other people, are executive producers on a documentary that was nominated for an Oscar. We went to the Oscars this year for the first time.

1:05:31It didn't win, but it's on Apple TV right now. It's called Come See Me in the Good Light. It's really a good watch.

1:05:36Dana Carvey:Apple TV. So you're a producer, writer, director, actor, executive producer, standup comedian. Oh, art. What about your art? Oh yeah. Yeah. I, I, I'm a painter. I like to paint celebrity caricatures. I have a website. I have the book out, you know, that I gave it to both of you. It's called, I exaggerate my brushes with fame. And there's pictures of everybody in there. And on the opposite page is an anecdote about that person, whether it's Farley or you or, or whomever. and people are asking me, they said, where can we buy one of these paintings? I never had a place so I created a site on Shopify, Kevin Nealon Art.

1:06:15So you order it

1:06:16Dana Carvey:and then they make a painting and send to the person. Look at Colonel Sanders. Yeah. Listen. She's Louise. Fantastic. I love everything. That's what I got going on. Yeah. God dang. I got, you know, I got like maybe four or five movies in the can that I've done but they're independent movies and so I kind of forget, I don't know if they're ever going to see the light of day. I got to tell you something, two, maybe two years ago, I did one and, you know, all this time goes by and I'm watching TV and I see this trailer come on and it's a real scary movie, you know, and I'm watching it going, oh my God, I got to see this.

1:06:49What's this all about? And then they cut to the next scene. And of course I'm in it. I'm in the movie.

1:06:54Dana Carvey:And you forgot you did. I was just forgot about the whole thing. I mean, I remembered I did it, but I didn't, you know, remember that it was going to go anywhere or know that funny yeah all right well thank you kevin i will see you soon don't hang up right away don't hang up kevin takes a minute to download and i understand that thank you very much kevin neelan has been our guest

1:07:21hey guys if you're loving this podcast which you are be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app give us a review five-star rating and maybe you can share an episode that you've If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

1:08:02Dana Carvey:Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewallatodyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.