In short
The episode is a re-release featuring Iliza Schlesinger discussing sleep and fatigue as a root cause of productivity issues, then pivoting into a long conversation about her comedy career, touring discipline, writing/recording process, parenting and Halloween, and the social dynamics of fame and comedy clubs.
Guest backgrounds
Iliza Schlesinger is a major stand-up comedian and touring headliner who started stand-up around age 21 and became a solid touring headliner by 2008. She also directs and works in film. Co-hosts include Dana Carvey and David Spade, both established comedians/actors.
Key claims
Poor sleep quality (including heavy snoring/sudden gasps) undermines health efforts; home sleep studies can diagnose issues in one night. Schlesinger says she bypassed some harassment early by becoming a touring headliner quickly. She crowdsources her own joke recall via Instagram stories and dislikes listening back to recordings.
Notable examples
Her “abject rage” bit about her husband taking a nap; stories about hosting a syndicated dating show in Encino; meeting Billy Crystal at Town Hall; and a mispronounced name incident at The Comedy Store that David Spade later addressed.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOBelushi's Legacy and Gender in Comedy
0:00 to 0:55
Discussion on John Belushi's controversial remarks about women in comedy and its implications.
“Have you ever noticed, despite eating well, staying active, and getting a full night's sleep, you still drag yourself out of bed exhausted?”
Belushi's Legacy and Gender in Comedy
2:52 to 4:24
Discussion on John Belushi's controversial remarks about women in comedy and its implications.
“He's famous for saying women aren't funny.”
The Comedy Landscape Today
4:24 to 5:15
Eliza shares her perspective on being a female comedian in today's world.
Childhood Memories and Early Influences
5:15 to 6:38
Eliza reflects on her childhood and the impact of Dana and David's comedy.
“No, it was called You would only know this if you had trouble sleeping And or a coke addiction Because it aired so late Well, what was the subject of it?”
Career Development as a Comedian
6:38 to 8:01
Eliza discusses her quick rise in comedy and experiences in the industry.
“You get all kinds of weird compliments that I'm like, look, you would still love to have sex with me.”
The Process of Crafting Comedy
8:01 to 10:00
Discussion on the challenges of recording and remembering jokes.
“She goes, like Polly Shore brings her up.”
Interacting with Fans and Memory Techniques
10:00 to 14:00
Eliza shares how she interacts with fans to remember her jokes.
“I mean, David, I probably never got to talk to you about this because we always see each other in passing, but like, I don't think there was any, one of the most impactful sketches was like the gap girl sketch.”
The Art of Comedy and Memory
14:00 to 21:11
Learn about the challenges of remembering and performing stand-up comedy.
“I love that phrase, but sometimes when you're trying to bit, your setup just happens to be perfect.”
The Art of Comedy and Memory
21:17 to 21:47
Learn about the challenges of remembering and performing stand-up comedy.
“Now starting at$699 with exclusive student pricing starting at$599.”
Parenting and Humor
22:17 to 22:48
Explore the humorous challenges of parenting and sharing comedy with kids.
“It's Fantasy Football Happy Hour with Matthew Berry, wherever you get your podcasts.”
Show all 25 chapters
Parenting and Humor
22:50 to 28:00
Explore the humorous challenges of parenting and sharing comedy with kids.
“And that took the funny right out of it.”
Meeting Michael Jackson
28:00 to 29:05
Iliza shares a surprising story about meeting Michael Jackson.
“stay a day and on the night off, we'll all go to see Michael Jackson.”
Idols and Colleagues
29:05 to 30:04
Discussion on meeting famous idols and their impact.
“I don't think it's about like, oh, I want to meet them.”
Billy Crystal's Impact
30:04 to 31:31
Iliza reflects on the influence of Billy Crystal in her career.
“Any, anybody from, I mean, if I ever met Jim Carrey, of course, obviously I can never meet Chris Farley, but that would be impactful.”
Meeting Billy Crystal
31:31 to 32:39
Iliza recounts her memorable meeting with Billy Crystal.
“He's like really in the pocket with that character.”
The Experience of Fame
32:39 to 34:37
They discuss the nuances of being recognized and interacting with fans.
“And so you see him and you go up and you're nice.”
Backstage Policies
34:37 to 35:34
Discussion on backstage meet-and-greet policies for photos.
“I've had people say, I only get 100 ,000 photos on my phone.”
Technology and Phones
35:34 to 36:52
Dana and Iliza joke about having multiple phones and the tech culture.
“You give the phone to the tour manager and we bang them out.”
The Two Phone Phenomenon
36:52 to 37:56
Exploration of why people have multiple phones and its implications.
“Oh, that's what you, oh, I thought you meant like you got me hook, line and sinker.”
Fashion Choices in Comedy
37:56 to 39:38
Discussion about dressing for comedy specials and the importance of appearance.
“To be fair, Dana, right now you look like you're in a sleeping bag.”
Preparation for Specials
39:38 to 41:28
Iliza talks about her preparations and thoughts on outfits for her special.
“And they're like later going, did you see the shoes?”
Fashion Choices in Comedy
42:04 to 45:46
Explore the significance of clothing in comedy for both men and women.
“And I didn't decide what I was wearing because I brought two things to the special and we were backstage.”
Fashion Choices in Comedy
45:49 to 47:05
Explore the significance of clothing in comedy for both men and women.
“Now available in Canada and the UK, too.”
Stand-Up Comedy Anecdotes
48:27 to 56:06
David Spade and Iliza Schlesinger share humorous experiences in stand-up comedy.
“My picture is on the improv wall next to yours, actually.”
Iliza Schlesinger's Comedy Special
56:06 to 57:19
Iliza shares details about her upcoming comedy special and the taping experience.
“it's secretly an incredible comedy town yep yep yep you wouldn't think that and they're the best and I have to be honest with you guys, you are my first podcast I've done to promote it.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Have you ever noticed, despite eating well, staying active, and getting a full night's sleep, you still drag yourself out of bed exhausted? We spend so much time fine-tuning our diets, workouts, and daily schedules, yet we completely ignore the single biggest factor behind our focus, patience, and productivity. Genuine sleep quality. Poor sleep quality undermines all the hard work you put in your health during the day. Especially if you or your partner have noticed heavy snoring or sudden gasps for air.
0:25Dana Carvey:Instead of struggling through brain fog and endless fatigue, Sleep Doctor provides a seamless path to real answers. The home sleep study is a simple alternative to a sleep lab and can be completed in your own bed over one night. You get clinical-grade diagnostic insights into what is actually happening while you sleep, completely avoiding cold, sterile clinics and inconvenient hospital stays while giving you clear, practical next steps toward deep, restorative rest. Visit sleepdoctor.com to take the first step toward waking up rested and ready. Now accepting most insurance, check and see if your insurance is eligible.
1:04Hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break, all right? Not just any break. This is a refreshing break with Snapple. We all know about Snapple's iconic real facts. So let's take a minute to go over some of my faves.
1:17Dana Carvey:Snapple Real Fact 455. Movie trailers used to come on at the end of the movies, but no one stuck around to watch them. I've heard that. Snapple Real Fact 831. Adults laugh only about 15 to 100 times a day, while preschoolers laugh an average of 300 times a day. Snapple Real Fact 1983. The first player drafted to play pro football never played in the league. That's interesting. Snapple Real Fact 1274. Kickball is referred to as soccer baseball in some parts of Canada. Hmm. So grab a Snapple. Take a second. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the moment. Because let's be honest, this might be the most refreshing part of your day.
2:02Snapple, make your break more interesting. Dana, Eliza Schlesinger is one of the big comedians out there. Also a female. Yes. Great name. Great comic. I see her at the comedy store a lot. She's really a grinder. She goes out, works hard, runs her sets, works on new stuff. Does a tour, kills it. And she has a lot of specials out there. Doing a great job directing a movie. She tells us about in a movie. A lot going on in that world. She's a lot of fun to talk to.
2:36Dana Carvey:Yeah. So I would listen up, y 'all. Yeah, listen up, y 'all. And any questions, put them in the comments. Here's Eliza Schlesinger.
2:52He was like a John Belushi thing. Yeah, you got it going. Man, he hated women. Oh, no. John Belushi hated women.
2:58Dana Carvey:Yeah. Yeah. He's like famous for quoting. It's a good start. I like pizza. I like movies and I hate women. Why? He's famous for saying women aren't funny. And I only think about that because journalists always bring it up. and I'm like, he's dead. So I guess I win. Oh, quotes follow forever. Have you ever been like, you read something and Eliza said this and it's completely made up? Obviously you have. Not, or just like a half quote and you're like, I'm sorry that I said that like half awake on a podcast in 2010. Like, do I still need to remember my firm stance on dogs versus cats on a sandwich being a PETA?
3:37Going out on a limb. Literally. PETA had a good run. I mean, that pita bread, that was a good bit for. Well, like stoner podcast people have to be like, oh no, is a tender McNugget, is a pita a sandwich? And you're like, the world's on fire. I don't know. The world's literally on fire. Literally. I was going to say it was too soon, but when I said last night to someone, well, this is rude. We'll take it out. But I said, oh, where do you live? And they said, Encino. and I said oh did you get have any problems with what happened in the Palisades they said no and I said oh even the fire doesn't want to go to the valley and they just stared at me and I go no but actually so it was horrible so everything okay I had to skim over it you know what I mean I'm
4:26Dana Carvey:gonna defend Encino right here the first house ever pop was Encino and I would go over the Mulholland hill into the hella Hollywood Hollywood party who loves you go back to the country I'm defending i'm going on record i like encino do you i the first tv show i ever shot we shot it in encino in like a mansion it was like a reality show and i had no real reference for it but as i get older you're like oh that's where all the money in the valley goes like if you want to live like a millionaire in kansas city buy your house in encino and you can live like a person South of the boulevard Isn't Ceno the nice version?
5:03Is it like closer to the mountain? Is better that way?
5:07Dana Carvey:But it's on the flats But you want to be south of Ventura You don't want to be in the crime-ridden areas Although they have their advantages and fun too Was this show called The Bachelor? No, it was called You would only know this if you had trouble sleeping And or a coke addiction Because it aired so late Well, what was the subject of it? Let us see if we can guess the title What was the idea of the show? It was called Excused And it was like a dating show People And I was the host Oh it is a dating show And people would date Oh yeah I did We did 230 episodes Holy shit I have eaten The bigger issue is that No one knows the show But I have eaten at Every single restaurant In Encino And Rosetta I love it Rosetta and Encino If there was a lunch special If there was a sushi bar I ate there Who does What network was that on?
5:58Dana Carvey:How did I miss a 230 episode? So it's like, it's like, I'm, I mean, it's like friends minus the money. It was syndicated. It was CBS studios. So it was picked up in all these crazy markets. Every once in a while I'll get some like dude in skinny jeans. That's like, I used to watch you when I was getting ready for my shift. Skinny jeans. I used to watch you. Before I got a floodruckers. Did you like it? It wasn't really for me. You ever get a backhand, a compliment? I hear you're pretty funny, but it's not for me, man. I saw some of your stuff. I stopped watching when you got married. I stopped watching you.
6:34Oh, do they say that? Oh, it's... You can take it to go with the bed. You get all kinds of weird compliments that I'm like, look, you would still love to have sex with me. We both know it, but thank you so much for buying this ticket and enjoy the impression. Enjoy the show.
6:48Dana Carvey:I want to walk around with that attitude. Yeah, I do too. You want to have sex with me? We both know it. We both want it. You could. We both want it, but I am married and so it's tough, But yeah, but do women comedians who are photogenic, let's put it this way, attract the creep element more than the stud dudes that the men? I guess I can't comment on more than because I but I think it's not even about being attractive. I think you just as a woman, you just like leave the house. You're like, here I am. And then the universe is like, well, here's the list of weirdos that are going to make it tough for you.
7:28But no matter what you look like. So I don't even know if being attractive matters. Guys are just like, hey, let's do this. They'll figure it out later if you're attractive. They just need some, they just need to get something going. I mean, it's definitely, I've definitely talked to male comics, big male comics, lesser known ones that have, I mean, I think stalkers come in. I think mental illness knows no gender. Yes.
7:51Dana Carvey:That's your next special. A good hooky title. Yeah. Because it includes everyone. Allie Wong always slams when she gets on stage. She goes, like Polly Shore brings her up. She goes, Polly, there's so many girls that would fuck. This guy's the grossest guy out there. All male comics are gross and all these girls will fuck them. It's so rude. We're all in the back going, now, here, here. Here, here, let this meeting come to order. Now, see here. Oh, I thought you meant here, here, like aye, aye. Like, I agree with that. No, I do like it. I say, here, here. Yeah. I say, I think most male comics would proclaim themselves degenerate scumbags.
8:34And I think they wear it proudly. And you become a comic because you're like, look. Of course. We can all agree I'm physically repulsive, right? But if you can make a woman laugh, I mean, it's disproportionate. We've all heard that rumor. Yeah. And I always say music, I mean, comedy is like music where, what kind of comedy are you doing? It's like saying I like music. It's too general. So you can make a girl laugh that's on their wavelength. Like what kind? Do you like dry humor? Do you like goofy? Do you like? So sometimes you do sync up with someone because of that. Of course. I mean, if that's your only, listen, I wasn't famous in high school.
9:10There's nothing going on. It's just all trying to be funny. That's all. And you're on a platform. Go ahead. Well, I was going to say what's weird just for a moment, if I could just pull back the current. Well, you said you weren't famous in high school, but like, and I don't, I watched you guys in high school. And that's what's crazy for me. Oh, wow. Yeah. And like, just shoot me chopping broccoli, the church lady. Like, I mean, I know all of your resumes and David, sometimes some parts of the year you and I share a similar haircut, but and we're on many lineups together. And Dana, I've never met you, but it is very weird to finally talk to people.
9:49And I felt way when I met you, David, where you're like, oh my God, like you were my reference for so many funny things for all the sketches I wrote in high school. And I mean, is that, that's nice, right? I mean, David, I probably never got to talk to you about this because we always see each other in passing, but like, I don't think there was any, one of the most impactful sketches was like the gap girl sketch. And Dana, like my mom bought me the Wayne's world on VHS as a surprise for a sleepover. I memorized the whole movie. Like you guys are massive bricks in like a comedy fortress that I've like built in my mind.
10:28And so this is crazy.
10:31Dana Carvey:I totally get that. You know, the things that I saw, like if I had met John Cleese, uh, at a certain day, I still, Oh, good. I want to wake but i get it if you're in your form i say six to 12 or 13 14 that time frame shows you watch comedians you see so we get it but of course you know now that we're just people who were went to a club on a bet and then yeah up on television we get it you don't can you kind of emotionally or mentally touch your fame and how much accolades and money you're making doing this or is it still a little bit surreal? You're pretty young. I don't know. It's grounding and surreal at the same time.
11:20Sometimes you look around, you're like, oh my God, every stitch of everything in this really nice house is because I thought to make a joke about something. And then I look at all the things I don't have and I'm like, and you could be making more jokes and have nicer things if you got out of bed quicker. I think we all are in the weird, you always look to someone that's sort of well-known and that you grew up with, and you forget that they're sitting there going, I could do more. I could do better. That's all you're thinking all the time is like, work on my act, work on this, try to get this going.
11:52Dana Carvey:Where are you at on the disciplines? Because we've met different people on this podcast who really do workshop, like Nikki Glaser, Jim Gaffigan. It's an amazing thing. How how how effortless was or how hard was it for you to get a position on stand up mountain? Did it come quickly or was it a grind or I don't know your. It came relatively quickly. I think I got my position relatively quickly because I became like a solid touring headliner in 2008. And when did you start? I started when I was 21. But 2000 what? well I graduated wait I graduated college I started when I was so I graduated college in like 2004 2005 and so I did it for about three years okay became a touring professional wow that's fantastic and this was you know it's it was when it was and so I was able to sort of become a headliner and bypass a lot of sexual harassment uh very early on um shocking but I don't know david could tell you i mean he sees me out i'm out when i'm not on tour i'm out every almost every night of the week um i mean you're jumping club to club right yeah and and it's something that you think would like kind of like lighten up over time but i'm about to turn 42 and if i'm not on the road i'll knock back like two or three sets a night just to just for the love of it you know and do you record do you record always or do you just go and do it you know do you remember it it's hard to remember for me i tend to if i do record i have trouble listening back so i tend to i can't yeah i'm like who wants to hear this this is awful uh i tend to listen back if it's a brand new joke like my new special is out on amazon march 11th and so i've already started.
13:49Dana Carvey:Different animal. A different animal. Amazon Prime. Amazon Prime. Non-regular. You can get your... While you're watching me, you can shop for air filters, toilet paper, Chinese socks. You know, this is kind of... This is inside baseball. I love that phrase, but sometimes when you're trying to bit, your setup just happens to be perfect. Maybe sometimes because it's a new bit, and then if you don't record it or you don't remember, you're like, oh, fuck, it's not working as well. What was that setup that made me enter the joke perfectly? You know? Yeah. It's frustrating. It's frustrating what I have done.
14:26And I've done this. I don't rely on this, but I have a pretty close relationship. Like if you follow me, you're a pretty decent fan. I will put on my own Instagram stories. Hey, if you were at the eight o 'clock at the theater tonight, what was that thing I said about pigeons? And people, or I'll say it on stage. I'll be like, could somebody text that to me? and someone always remembers it.
14:48Dana Carvey:That's smart. I crowdsource my own memories. And phrasing, I'll tell you, Liza, I'm the same way. First of all, I saw, we were on the same show probably three nights ago. But I have to say, when I do it, I don't know what, I like to do new bits, I record them, but it's almost worse to listen to them. It's awful. Because it's so sickening that I have to make myself go, I recorded, I did it the right way. I just have to hear it or write it down. So I memorize like just the phrasing because it worked. And then it's so lazy, but it's something sickening about repels me to. And I have to like, I do another show and I wait all day.
15:29And then I go, I got to just hear it and go, that is how to do it. Okay. But it's so hard to make yourself do that. It's hard to, I mean, I recently, you know, I got all the promo cuts for my Amazon special. I have to watch myself back. and I have to take like a deep cleansing breath. Gross, yeah. And it's weird. It's like, so this is something I wish on other people, but I can't watch myself. Like there's something very, very removed about all of it. Like you have the ego to get up there, but actually digesting yourself for yourself is a weird existential kind of torture. And how long did you do your special tape it?
16:09And then how, so you taped it and you said you're already working on. do you want a full new hour or do you want mostly new before you go out or what do you want yeah i mean the timeline to to the to the average civilian the timeline is seems different than it is because and you guys know this by the time people see your hour you've already been on the road and working because it's like a four month time period between when you record it and when it's actually released. But even, yeah. And even prior to recording it, you had jokes that didn't make it or jokes you were taking out that you still want to work on.
16:45So you're just constantly, the other night I actually got up and I seldom do this with just a list of jokes that I've written that I've written down that I haven't gotten to. And I just read them. And then we'll just start with those little kernels. Just see what pops out. You're right. And sometimes it's a bit of a trick. Could you give us one of these jokes? Yeah, give us one. Sure. Okay. Sure. Sure. I want to explore the absolute rage that I feel. I have to preface it by saying my husband is awesome. We have a lovely relationship. He wakes up at like 5 a.m. He gets our daughter ready. He makes all of us breakfast.
17:27He does everything. He's elegant. He supports It's like he's the best. The absolute abject rage I feel toward him when he takes a nap. Like he needs it for his, so he won't collapse. So he'll live. There's just something too gentle. I'm like, why don't you take your nap, you little gentle toddler. Why don't you take that little baby nap and rest your eyes? Like he's been up for 18 hours. Like he has to take a nap so he doesn't collapse. I didn't see this napping on your resume. I don't think we would have had a first date. if I knew you napped all day and you're like, he's like, I get five minutes a day.
18:04Just relax. It's a one hour nap. And I'm like, well, what if I need to talk to you? Like it's, so it's less that it's more about making fun of the unjustified anger. It's never an anger, an actual anger toward him.
18:15Dana Carvey:That is funny that you're just enraged. You're not kind of bothered or a little bugged. You're just furious is funny. I, yeah, I just, I'm going to be like, Hey, can you ask Noah a question? I'll be like, don't know because he's in the land of nod. So I guess we'll just put our lives on hold While he naps Meanwhile, it's one hour Everything's fine Is he on a couch publicly Or is he in a bedroom with the door closed? No, he retreats to the bedroom And no one can go in there By the way, that walk of shame He's trying to I'm getting mad too I'm getting fucking hissed at this guy If I was at your house talking to you guys And he was quietly going in the other room Like, where are you going?
18:52That's what you'd probably say Where are you creeping off to? I need you to Nap time? Yeah I got to talk to you about a conversation I had with a female friend. Can you get back here?
19:00Dana Carvey:Female friend. Here's what you tell your husband to say, which will make it slightly funny and less annoying. Oh, Eliza, I'm going to take to my bed. That sounds like he's ill. Like take to the water. Or it's very regal. It's a king. No, it couldn't be worse. Take to my bed. Take that does sound like you're sick. Because I also remember you were in the road to Wellville. So I wonder if that's Oh you saw that I did see that Who was Dana? Yeah he played like a Mentally handicapped person Kind of a street weirdo guy Excuse me? Who was Anthony Hopkins was my dad And I got to hang out I said unhoused I said unhoused Yes It was an unhoused hobo I got to hang out with Sir Anthony Hopkins Or Tony But the last day there I just had see ya Hoppy But anyway we're close That was We're close It was a thrill being with him.
19:58Dana Carvey:You know, just couldn't imagine anything more fun. You played an unhoused bum. An unhoused bum. Like when you combine the good and the bad. Creeping around this mansion in upstate New York and terrorizing Bridget Fonda. Yeah, I actually have been to that. It's called Mohawk Lodge. Yes, and it is haunted, right? I mean, anything old is going to be haunted. I mean, but we used to go there. My dad used to take us there. Really? when we were kids. Yeah. It's so random. It's in. Wait, Eliza, is it called Mohonk? Yeah. M-O-H-O. And didn't we do a SNR retreat there? Or no? We did a retreat in New York in Mohonk.
20:36It's in, not Pel, Plattsburg. Platts? Something. It's up there by Hudson. It's like up there. Yeah, it's way, way up Hudson. It's a shit day. Do you remember that? We all went, Eliza. All the cast members went up. I was there. I was on. What do you mean? I was in the cast. I was on SNL. You were there? Yeah, I didn't do a lot that year. You could have been there for three seasons as a 10-year-old feature player. You just never got on.
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22:57I will tell you I show My daughter's Just turned three And so it's on me To show her what's funny So I showed her a bunch of In Living Color And then I was like You need to see this sketch It's called Matt Foley Whatever he was And it was the one with you And Christina Applegate Oh yeah When he falls on the table And I was trying to explain to her why that's funny when someone falls onto furniture. And that took the funny right out of it. Did she react to it? I mean, she's three. Nope. But she will. She will ask for it. In like six months, she'll be like, I want to see the furniture guy. And then you'll be like, I will pull it back up for you.
23:33The furniture guy. Yeah. Does she watch Miss Rachel? No. Really? Just never thought about it. I thought that was the big hook. No, but we watch a lot of Michael Jackson thriller on repeat the whole video. Oh my gosh. Wow. Because that's a little scary, right?
23:52Dana Carvey:It's monsters coming at you and stuff. I was like, you need to know what good music is. Halloween was there. I was like, you have to know this. And now, I mean, if you're a parent, you will just live to see all of your favorite things repeated to you ad nauseum until you hate them. We listen to Thriller every morning, multiple times. If you had to guess next Halloween, What would your child go as you think Would it be Spider-Man Oh she's going as Elsa I already asked her It's either Elsa or Michael Jackson It's whatever It's funny Next year It's in nine months She already knows Three, four, five Halloween rocks I mean Halloween is for that age That's the pocket The cute kids Twickle tweet You know And then the 15 year old high school dude Could I get some candy You know So my block does the Halloween for the, for our entire area.
24:48So it's like a thousand people. Not only that, the kids are so rude. They don't know to say trick or treat. And I, my like joy in life is putting on a witch face and I heckle these kids. Oh, I love it. I try to be, and they kind of crave it. And when a kid comes back for candy and I'm like, I recognize you. Get out of here, you little fat brat. And I turn them away. I don't call them fat. But I love to scare them. Because you have to say please and you have to say trick or treat. And they don't. No, they don't know. They know. I was telling Dana that the Super Bowl has a Roman numeral like 48.
25:31I'm like, let me tell you something. No fucking kids know what goddamn Roman. Can we drop it with the Roman numerals? They don't even know what numerals means. They know the word number barely. They can't read cursive. They're not reading ancient numbering systems. The AI is going to teach your daughter.
25:49Dana Carvey:It's so true. They're so stupid. They have no idea. So excellent. Eliza, you are, I'm not reading this. Eliza, you from Dallas, but do you remember when you were there, you're too young, but my favorite club was the Dallas Improv on Central and Walnut. Oh, it moved because now it's in Addison. Addison is one like next to a freeway. The whole city's next to a freeway. It's Dallas, Texas. The whole city was built off a toll road. That's so funny. The Addison improv, I used to call that. Okay. I played the Addison improv, but there was a Dallas one and the manager used to take us to the Million Dollar Saloon.
26:31Dana, it wasn't a real regular like Old West saloon. Spellbinders in Houston. Anybody? I'll tell you what. But I think Dallas has, at least it used to, have more strip clubs per capita. And then I think Portland and probably Atlanta joined the chat. Join the chat. Join the strip chat. But Dallas has a lot of them kind of down there in that area. In that whole area down there. The manager would take all the comics down there and he'd give them free passes. And they'd be like, oh, this is good. Oh, wait, it's good Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday? Was that when you were playing there? no Eliza that's just they were only allowed to go I'll tell you what paper the room I could just see like any female comic working like being like oh cool thanks for these strip club passes I yeah I'm so glad I'm so glad I can get these wings we had a good good thing going I remember you won't know this because you're too young but when I worked there at the Addison Improv this cute waitress said she dated the drummer for NXS now this is going way back that's an old band it's very cool and we're like you don't even know who NXS is.
27:39There's not a chance because no one anywhere but LA sees anyone famous. Just never happens. Right. God, lo and behold, that God dang drummer for NXS comes in the club when I'm there. I'm like, bah, bah, bah, bah, what? And he said, this ties into you. You got, oh, the comedians, if you want, stay a day and on the night off, we'll all go to see Michael Jackson. What? And he took us to Michael Jackson. Where did you, that's amazing. Somewhere in Dallas at some big dome. I was like, oh my God, this is, it sounds like a lie. It might be a lie. Actually, I'm going to back off a little bit. What do you mean it might be a lie?
28:16Did you go or did you not? No, because you reacted too big. So I was like, wait, am I lying? Oh, I think it's true. No, I think it's true.
28:24Dana Carvey:I saw him lie, but I met him when he was 13. Oh yeah, you met him when you were a bus boy. Bus boy waiter at the Holiday Inn bringing Michael Jackson and all the Jackson family dinner. and Fruit Loops. At a Holiday Inn? Holiday Inn, which was near a regional theater called the Circle Star Theater, 3000 in the Round. The Jackson 5 was playing there in 75. I was a busboy waiter, you know, room service guy. And so I got to know him a little bit. You know, I always brought him raw carrots. Is that you getting to know him? You know, in the story, it just makes the story better. I gave him carrots and left.
29:02Dana Carvey:Also, Little Richard, I waited on him. He answered the door naked That's true What city is this? This is San Carlos, California I feel unqualified to be on this Because I don't have these I don't have these storied Other than You know Like I don't You ran into Dane Cook At the Beverly Center Nobody wants to hear that Yeah Who'd be the person You'd most want to meet right now Like a Michael Jackson Of a famous person He Like Taylor Swift You met her I'm just throwing it out. Okay, most famous person. I've never met her. I guess it's like, I don't know. I don't think it's about like, oh, I want to meet them.
29:42It's more about like, oh, I'd love to work with them.
29:44Dana Carvey:I see. But I mean, I met Billy Crystal once and I cried and he was so nice. As a comedian, there are so many people. If you're lucky enough in your career, your idols become your colleagues, you know? And that's very unique and kind of weird. Well put. Kind of sad. It's sad for the idol.
30:08But it's, I don't know. I think, I don't know. Any, anybody from, I mean, if I ever met Jim Carrey, of course, obviously I can never meet Chris Farley, but that would be impactful. Will Ferrell. I'm sure I will take a meeting with at some point and will embarrass myself. Love Will Ferrell, yeah. Big fan of Elizabeth Banks. I've only met her executive. That's a good one. I barely, I think I've chatted with her, but. You know, you see like women that were on SNL. like you see these people. And then you remember that, you know, you know, just like you, these are just normal people. But Billy Crystal, I did cry because that was incredibly meaningful.
30:43And what was your exposure to Billy Crystal?
30:46Dana Carvey:Was it him on SNL or him? No, because that was, again, I think this podcast should be called You're Too Young to Remember This. You're so young and you're going to blow away. I'm just wondering where you intersected with Billy Crystal. He, because he was on SNL, obviously, at the very beginning. He did a movie. I mean, obviously, there was City Slickers. Yeah. But he did a movie called Mr. Saturday Night, which sometimes gets overlooked by stand-up comics as this seminal piece of work in terms of movies about stand-up comedy. Right. But we watched it a lot growing up. And now that I look back at it, you realize how much of it was true in a way that you couldn't process it as a kid.
31:24Oh, yeah.
31:25Dana Carvey:With no context. He did that character in a special. I think he did a special where he played all these characters at a house somewhere or something. And I remember it standing out. He's like really in the pocket with that character. And then he did the movie. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah. What did he sound like? Was he like this or something? A little bit. No, it was just a New York Jew. Just like a New York, like sticky. What do you want? Yeah. What do you want from me? King of the jungle. How about queen? Or king of the... It was a Davy Crockett joke. It wasn't the jungle. It was king of the wild frontier.
31:58Dana Carvey:It sounds like a joke. How about... And then... and then ba-dum-bum yeah ba-dum-bum and so I don't know but I will say I mean anytime you work with anyone bigger than you you're just kind of like oh wow this is I feel bad for this person but this is really cool that I'm here where did you see him? he was doing a town hall like for the New York comedy festival and I had a show at the Y or something? no it was at town hall like it was called town hall in New York oh yeah and I snuck back there and I went like under the stage like Phantom of the Opera style And I like, I was like, I bet he'll be here.
32:33And he was no security because it's, you know. John Hinckley style more like. I did it. Yeah. And so you see him and you go up and you're nice. And he's nice to you. That's great. Somehow I always let people know, like, I'm a comedian. Just so you know, like, I'm not a weirdo. Like, I'm like, I do what you do. We're the exact same. Can I get a picture? Which means I'm a weirdo. I'm a weirdo. I'm a comedian equals I'm a weirdo. Well, there's also that thing with comics. Someone is a comic and you're like, are you? Or is this something you like think about? doing but i do think it is a nice thing like to level the playing field when a comic comes up to me they're like hey i do comedy too it's a nice way of being like hey like i mean you no harm yet it kind of like you're on the same club like anytime you're on the backstage comedy store you walk in a club on the road or you do a guest spot and you see comics it's all like equal everyone's like hey hey what's up yeah like you could at least introduce yourself or say hi i mean but But I always feel bad when a comic is like, I couldn't get in.
33:32I'm like, if you're a comic, you can come in. You can always come in for free. I don't want people to think that and then you just say it. But you're allowed into these spaces to just hang out.
33:42Dana Carvey:It's very interesting when you get an out of the blue compliment. Because if you're slumping around on a Sunday afternoon or something, and I think you totally forget that you're on TV, kind of, at least intellectually. And then all of a sudden, somebody goes, I love you, man, and then walks away. Like, oh, thanks. oh and they don't want anything too and that's kind of nice they don't want anything oh the most humbling is when i'm like did you because sometimes i'll say it because i know someone will be nervous because i'll pick up on the energy i'll be like did you want a picture and then they say no and i'm like i'll just go fuck myself then i didn't want to give you oh i feel so bad like i don't want to go i don't want to go that far i'm not really in it i know you're fine but let's not get off the weight in your vi this this may not be relatable to a lot of people listening they'll wait in your vip line with people who paid a lot of money to meet you and have a photo and then they'll say i don't want a photo i just wanted to say hi or thank you and i'm like okay but you spent a hundred this is still a hundred dollars you sure you don't want a quick snapchat quick something no no you just want it okay i respect it i what about the people that you have a photo let's let's take a photo like it's my idea let's take it that is good but dana and she's saying, what if you say no?
34:54Dana Carvey:I've never had anyone say no. I don't relate to it. I've had people say, I only get 100 ,000 photos on my phone. I don't want to waste it. No, there's people I don't want to say hello, bro. But I guess - Let's say, Eliza, you're doing a corporate or regular backstage meet and greet and they have a professional photographer, right? Yeah. So they go, this moves, boom, boom. And then you do it and then everyone slowly pulls out their phone. After they get the real picture, he goes, let's just do one on mine. Take selfies. And it just dumps everything. and they're like, how do I flip my phone? I'm so nervous.
35:24What's my code again? Okay, so that's your tour manager's job. We have a policy. One picture per group. You guys all came together. You have each other's numbers. You give the phone to the tour manager and we bang them out. There's no, I don't want to see you fiddle with your LG chocolate razor. No fiddling. No fiddling. No, with your sidekick. I don't want to see it. Just have it ready. Suzuki sidekick. with your Kawasaki jet ski. I don't want to see. Why did they stop making that sidekick phone, whatever? I remember Kid Rock had one. I thought he was so goddamn cool. He'd go, it kind of spins out.
36:01Remember those? It was so cool. I never had one, but they looked really cool. I never had one either. They were too cool. I have a question about phones
36:08Dana Carvey:and no one's ever answered this to me. Yes, sir. Like they make these giant, you know, library book size phones and you know, all that. Could I get a second phone that was tiny? that I could just talk on that has the same number. Just so everyone at home knows, Dana Carvey's holding up an iPhone 6 and I don't know how he still has it. Is that a 6? No, no, it's a normal phone. It's a normal phone. He's holding up an iPod shuffle. Shuffles were a great idea. People have phones that just perform a phone call duty. It doesn't have the internet. Like people are going back to that now since we're all getting...
36:45It's called a drug dealer.
36:46Dana Carvey:Well, nice if you're just around town, you could have like this really light phone with the same number and still have this when you want to go show people videos come on come on tim cook get your ass is that how badly you want to show people videos like dana carl just walked around like look at this cooking video look at this hibachi video what it is this is being recorded look at this is me with eliza this is me with david spade you know yeah so wait actually if i've seen women and they at dinner and they put down the two phones like stacked on each other. I'm like, hook, hook, hooker. Oh, that's what you, oh, I thought you meant like you got me hook, line and sinker.
37:25You meant that they're sex workers. That's what they think, I mean. And then I go, nope, we got a hook alert here.
37:30Dana Carvey:When I first met David, he had a burner phone. I go, what's that for? Nevermind. Yeah. What is that, David? What's that about? He's lying, but it's a funny fictitious scenario. So I'm going to tell you the truth that nobody's going to cop to. oftentimes when you see someone with two phones if they're not a drug dealer and there are i can think of a kevin gate song about having two phones it's called two phones um it's oftentimes just a performative flex like they're like sorry i just get so many i can't i'm like this is sorry this is a micro computer with the entire power of the world in it and you're telling me you're so disordered you have so much going on that the internet can't hold all of your information your phone book is so full that you need two different and I think if you're a mega celebrity like most people just won't have your number I'm not even that famous and most of my calls go to an assistant so the two phone thing unless you have one for work that you throw in a drawer at the end of the day is really and people like hold them up to be like oh sorry I just have two of these like okay we get it that is a good flex like it's a flex three performative flex is another possible special for you yeah with three x's so six specials in a pretty short well i guess they would spread them out but uh it's a lot of specials it was in one year it was in one year we did two every two a month how do you know when you show up what you're gonna wear because I never know till like 10 minutes before.
39:04Dana Carvey:I guess I'll wear this shirt. Oh, on your special, you mean? On your special. Yeah, I mean. Plan it out. To be fair, Dana, right now you look like you're in a sleeping bag. To be fair, you didn't think anything before this. It's an Adam Sandler puffy jacket. Oh, yes. It's a Cotopaxi original. Oh, no, we can tell. Thawba. No, no. No, no. You're right. That is a very funny observation. Women know more about guys' clothes when they walk up and they size it all up. And guys don't even know they're being analyzed. And it's like, yeah, I think this is a pretty good outfit. And they're like later going, did you see the shoes?
39:40Yeah, this with that. Yeah. They just know everything. It's not. I used to, in one of my old specials, I have a bit about how we scan. Like we scan everything. And it's not about, because I'm not a gold digger. It's not about like, ooh, is that a nice watch? It was like, oh, are your shoes weirdly outdated to where it's like you had to make a choice between like these shoes or your electricity being on. Are you wearing like a Kenneth Cole reaction shoe? Like that shows that no one's dressed you in a long time. Are you wearing workout gear? But you're obviously you haven't done cardio. Are you wearing a tech vest?
40:13Are you wearing a Cotopaxi jacket? And they all inform us about your, are you wearing an Arctic's flannel? Like, do you have a cocaine addiction? Like there's all these things for better, for worse. But to answer your question, of course not i mean we plan the outfit i think i work my material i think the outfit is second to how precious the material is and then the lighting and everything else but the outfit
40:38Dana Carvey:gets planned well i saw a clip of you well you were wearing it was kind of black and then there was sort of you were hip flexors were were exposed excuse me yeah and it was uh it was kind of a cool look you know I mean it's very cool um I don't I just buy a bit I'm trying to be invisible you know I have like um I'm a bit of a prude I have 50 black t-shirts you know look I'm not gonna pretend like as a woman what you wear doesn't matter and I there's certain silhouettes I enjoy And for this special, I just wanted to do something sexy, but powerful, but fun. I found the pants prior to having my last baby.
41:25So I held on to those pants for like a full year. And I was like, I'm going to get into these pants come hell or high water. And I just stared at them every day. Do you feel like when I was trying on shit for my stupid special, like, oh, it's guys. It's like. Nobody cares. 90 % of the time, a t-shirt and a coat. and it's usually those jackets with no collar or whatever so i was trying something on but i don't usually wear coats on stage i don't do much movements but i don't want to have any resistance anywhere like yeah it's too tight or you're trying to look good and you're like i can't really do what i do and i'll think about it i'd rather just be loose so that's why my excuse is i don't look that great on them uh also i have one coming out in the future oh let's uh i didn't know what
42:09Dana Carvey:What is the title of it, David? Did you call it your stupid special? That's what you just said. You were like in my stupid special. My stupid special is this garbage. I think it's called this garbage. And I didn't decide what I was wearing because I brought two things to the special and we were backstage. And I was doing them both. And I go this, this. We wound up doing a combo platter because they said you have five minutes before you go on. So this is what I'm worried about before I go on and the crowd is there. and they're like guys which what is he walking out and so we just know for whatever reason they went in a month ahead they gotta steam it they gotta steam no matter what you're doing as long as you don't have wrinkles look here's the deal in terms of men's comedy there's Eddie Murphy raw and then there's whatever else the rest of you guys wear like it either has to be impactful and iconic or literally no one cares I'm going with literally no one cares I'm going with people go what did he wear in this fashion and they're like oh did he have any clothes on We don't even remember.
43:08That's how good the material was. We either just laughed at the jokes or we don't. But we go, that means literally nothing. Why guys? That's why I go, I don't really care. Just what do I wear all the time? People have already decided they like me or they don't. Let's just. Well, I don't think, I don't think people, I don't, I think it's all about what you give to your audience. And I don't think people watch you for a sartorial experience. And I think when you're a woman, people have to, like, it is about what you're wearing. You know, it doesn't, are you, does it hug your body? Can they see your body?
43:37Are they not seeing your body? Is that deliberate? I think women get judged on these things in a good and a bad way. But for guys, it's just not the way that we think about you. Like if someone sees you, it's like, oh my God, it's David Spade. Not, oh, did you, I mean, maybe on a Saturday night, like, did you see those leather pants? You know, it's just not your, it's just not part of your brand. And some females are like, are you a hoodie comic or do you dress up? It's almost, you know what I mean? Well, that's because for the longest time, you know, the audience, It took them a while to wrap their minds around the fact that a woman was speaking.
44:08But now I think, you know, I see a lot of younger girls just going up and just everything's out and they don't think about it. And the answer is you're welcome. It's because of women like me and our generation putting in that work in those American apparel hoodies so you could wear a belly shirt. August is a good time to reset your wardrobe. Everybody knows this. It's before the busy autumn rush, Dana. and that kicks in my favorite place to buy and upgrade my closet is quince they're all about high quality sustainable essentials built to last and designed for everyday wear they specialize in timeless staples that work harder for you ultra soft organic cotton teas premium mongolian cashmere yeah i like a little charcoal gray cashmere crunix sweater put it on repeat take it with me on the run.
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48:35Hoodie comic. Hoodie comic. I was one of them. My picture is on the improv wall next to yours, actually. And I'm in that hoodie. Very low rise pants. Yeah, you're right next to mine. It's right when you walk in. Eliza, do you remember when I brought you up wrong? No, I don't. Yes. Do you want to tell it? Because it was a very sweet story. You tell it. I feel like I remember half of it. It was in the original room at the comedy store. So I think I brought you up and I said your name wrong, right? definitely I said your name wrong it's a tricky name it's to be fair it is awful I think I got the first name wrong yeah not even your last name yeah so what oh yeah so I felt so bad because it was very unprofessional even though intros are always screwy like Bobby Lee's coming in this idiot blah blah he's my dad you know it's always screwy forget mess up the credits but I said her name wrong i didn't know her enough to do her name wrong and then i oh adam egott was working there so i said can i get eliza's email maybe okay just to apologize for doing that it was a you got it and and i got it so for people listening adam egott was the manager general manager of the comedy store and now i think he manages mothership in austin and he texted me and And he was like, Spade's going to message you.
50:01And I, because I think I may have said something to you. Or I didn't. But the way he said, Spade's going to talk to you. The vibe was like, hey, you did something wrong. And now comedy royalty is about to not only blacklist you, but you should never have gotten upset that he mispronounced. It was like, Spade's going to. He didn't say reach out. Reach out is a good thing. It's like, Spade's going to bring down the hammer. And I was like, okay. And you reached out and I was never going to say anything ever again because I knew it wasn't personal. And you went out of your way to say that it was a mistake and you were sorry.
50:39And I couldn't believe that someone of your stature, that someone that David Spade was reaching down to little old me to be like, hey, sorry about that. In an industry where people are like aggressively awful to each other for fun. And I always remember that about you. and unfortunately for you, I was like, oh, cool. Now we're friends. Now I can always talk to him. Yes. And then I said, no, I got to get it right now all the time. All the time. Yeah. Because I can't mess it up. I can't keep messing it up. One time, Dane, I went on in the original room and Bill Burr was next, but he was in the hallway bullshitting just like a typical night.
51:16And I got the hiccups, like I'm sure to Bill, like a girl. And I've never done this. And I hicked up every joke and I started laughing, but it was too much because it was like the same thing over and over and they're stopping laughing and after about three minutes i go hey it's bill out there and and i go and i hear what and i go can you come up now i have to get off and he's like you got the fucking hiccups and then i was like oh this is the worst guy to go after me yeah that's now his first five minutes was like this fucking pussy so that was funny but that was another or story similar he didn't apologize ever no but just know that if you're watching a show and comics give each other shit like that.
51:57It's because they're friends. I don't think I've ever really seen a comic like fuck up and then the next comic gets mad about it. Like it's never, I've brought up comics I don't even like and I've never given them a bad intro. I've never been like, this next guy tried to sexually harass me over the phone and now I'm famous and he's not. Please welcome. Like I would never do that. I think all you did, now I'm thinking about it, when I walked up and said your name wrong, you took the mic and you go, it's Eliza. And then you just went on and did it. But you weren't scolding me. You just said it right for the audience to know.
52:31And then I was like shot leaving the stage like platoon. I was like, oh. And because I deigned to softly correct it. And then Adam's like, Spade's going to talk to you. I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. He's going to get mad that I knew my own name. And you were so nice. There's a rumor you softly corrected someone. And you're like, I think I did. He's like, what the fuck? You owe David Spade an apology. Your name is now Elisa.
52:59Dana Carvey:Ms. Schelsinger. Schelsinger. There you go. Ms. Eliza Schelsinger. What's the most common mispronunciation, or is there one? What Dana just did deliberately or not. I can't tell if it's a bit. No, I was kidding. Okay, thank God. Oh, yeah. Schelsinger, Schlesinger. But I don't even correct people because it ultimately doesn't matter. Because the more painful part is having to then hear them try to correct it. And then it becomes like a linguistics lesson. And you're like, I'm just trying to promote this show. I just got this special. I was introduced as Dana Garney a lot. Dana Garney. This next comedian is kind of funny.
53:43Dana Carvey:Dana Garney? It's just reading off a piece of paper. Dana, D-A-N-A. and then they just, the V became an N or something. Dana Garney, ladies and gentlemen. Greg Fitzsimmons told me that he one time, and he's in my phone as this, got grapefruit Simmons.
54:02I don't mind that. People are just uneducated, not checked in, just out to lunch, just making up words, not reading. But Eliza, how nerve wracking is it when they go, there's no MC, and you're up there and they go, and you go, who's next? And they're like, Bill Squankmeyer and you're like this next guy is so good you don't even know who they are you've never even heard of them you don't know what to say oh yeah I mean the art of stand-up is 99 % making up a bullshit credit for the next comic who you have no real reference for yeah that's a good way to put it right it used to just be clubs and colleges but now that's I mean if you're playing colleges as your main thing like maybe you're not doing great and so and so and used to be Comedy Central which it really isn't anymore so now I mean, I brought up a comic the other night and I was like, you know him from the internet.
54:52Please welcome. It was Morgan J. And who is known from the internet? It's not like you met him on Star Search. And so I thought, I just, I just usually like this next comic is hilarious. One of my good friends. Yes, I do that. Anyone, anyone is next. Yeah. Just throw someone out here. All right, let's plug, let's plug Eliza's thing one more time before we let her go. And I will say before I let you go Liza. Different animal. I just talked to today someone I said you were coming on and they said Teller Good on Paper movie is great and that is a Netflix movie that you wrote? I wrote it. It's based on a true story and I starred in it and it's available for streaming 24 hours a day.
55:39And it is a good on paper. It's very hard to write a movie and you were in it. it's even harder to make one turns out it takes so hard to make a movie yes so vouch for that uh and and the special dana say the name of the special i'll let you a different animal amazon
55:55Dana Carvey:prime march 11th we shot it in uh where in salt lake city which i knew that's a great place right it's secretly an incredible comedy town yep yep yep you wouldn't think that and they're the best and I have to be honest with you guys, you are my first podcast I've done to promote it. So you're the first person, I guess it was Dana, that I've heard say the special out loud because the title's been a secret. That's cool. How big was the theater? What did you do this time? Size-wise? It was the Eccles. So that's, I want to say 2 ,300. I also want to say 1 ,800. It's all such a blur, but we did two tapings at the Eccles and it was gorgeous.
56:41and the outfit was hot fire. So I'm excited for one to see it. I would do one in Salt Lake. They're good. Good crowd. The outfit was cool. If it's the one I think. I hope it is. I hope they sent you the materials. Salt Lake City is basically people, not everyone there is Mormon, but what you get is a city of like almost no crime, people who don't really drink alcohol, jacked up on sugar from soda shops and just really looking for a good time before church. That's who's there. That's right. I got to play that place. And they're good. You got to. They would love you. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Eliza.
57:16We'll talk soon. I'll see you at the store. I'll see you tonight. All right. Thanks for joining us. Bye, you guys. Bye. Thank you. Thank you.
57:27All right. Listen, if you're enjoying The Fly on the Wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddang button on your favorite podcast app. Smash it. Leave a review, a good one. Leave a five-star rating, nothing else. Whoops. And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe, Dana. What do you think?
57:51Dana Carvey:I'm going to tell you this right now. Hit me now, believe me later. Fly on the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by, hold for it, Dana Carvey and David Spade. Or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox, with production support from Phil Sweetek. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lepore.
From the publisher
One of the funniest comics out there!
