RE-RELEASE - John Corbett

28:12Check this out. Old Dick Dunn used to say, hey, come down to the office today at noon. We're going to lunch. And I'd go down at noon. This is probably, yeah, this is 1985. guess who's fucking in the office and we're going to go down and have lunch at the uh old hamburger

28:30Dana Carvey:hamlet at the end there remember that fuck yeah yeah definitely i walk in vincent price so he's friends with dick dunney he goes come on we're coming you're coming with me and vince we're going down here i fucking get to go hang out with a couple times this happened with vincent price hi i'm vincent price no i don't do it i'd like the curly fries we're dealing with a very unusual situation it's slightly peter lorry a little bit yeah yeah you know hamburger hamlet had uh you were over there by abrams artist too which was kind of by that vicinity there was le dome which someone told me elton john ate there for lunch once and I kept going someone take me to that place so I could see Elton John in real life and hamburger hamlet Dean Martin was there once oh did you see him yeah so it's the same thing it's like you can randomly you get these agents that their whole life is based on lunch they go let's go to lunch and then they go to they get out and show off their new clients which you look like a big studies walking on he's like it's my new guy it's my new guy but he knows Vincent Price which is pretty cool yeah so you're you're hanging out with old dick dunn and vincent price in 1985 basically dicaprio's squad

29:51here's the fucking craziest part i looked it up recently because he was such an old man to me right uh you know he's a little hunched over i looked it up i'm fucking 63 he was a year younger than me when we were going to lunch and he seemed ancient he was the fucking year younger than me so bizarre so so here's what happens the old dick done uh he's he's sending me out for things and halfway through hair school i get a commercial right so i get this uh commercial for uh samsung electronics i shoot it in one afternoon and uh you know hair school takes about a year to get out of uh so halfway through hair school when i graduate from hair school this this uh commercial starts running and so i'm working in this salon i go to work at the salon on melrose in blusca called on mars and uh uh what our biggest client was this rock and roll kid named charlie sexton you remember this kid at all oh hell yeah yeah feet so lonely feet so lonely oh i love that you know that charlie was our guy i used to wash charlie's hair for him um i'm making 150 a week in this hair salon hoping for some walk-ins which hardly ever happened because it's on the third floor of this building so walk-ups yeah yeah nobody's walking in so i'm basically too tall that place no i can't even get up the stairs for my hair god no my little jewish ladies aren't coming there anymore oh they're coming now i'm in the hip place but it's all appointments for the three other hairdressers that are working there who are fucking booked all day long and i'm yeah you know i'm sweeping up uh fucking hair and you know throw it a dress can and wait for a

31:39Dana Carvey:lands of charlie sexton is a new kid in town the new kid's got to be the shampoo boy too so i'm shampooing everybody's heads and uh towel dry them here's the thing that i'm 150 a week two months i'm working in a salon the commercial starts playing eight grand a month i get for two months for this thing for this thing i worked six hours on and i quit i quit that job and now one commercial did you throw off your did you throw up down your scissors and throw and did you do it fuck you norma ray guess what you all so great that's fucking that I love it. Eight grand. And that's what gets you addicted.

32:23You go, holy crap. There's money in them, their hills. I'm still in the$300 a month place, right? So, yeah. And I still got a nice little. Pies of Rolls Royce. I got his hair. Do you have any shoes with diamonds on them? Yeah. And I got a little leftover from the sack of gold from the lawsuit, right? So, I'm like, fuck, I'm not going to do this hair deal. and uh i'm kind of you know going out on auditions and stuff i got my fucking cheap little headshot but another mistake young people who are listening come into hollywood just know this it's not going to happen you're fucking not going to have a 40-year career where you only get to act and live in a in a multi-million dollar house and that just it's it's it's like telling it's like telling a kid who's standing in line for the five o 'clock fucking you know comedy store there to do a open mic night like this probably is not you're not going to do this for 30 years and live in a million dollar house you kind of just got to know that that's not going to happen it's you know for the three of us it happened but there's a lot so many reasons why it probably shouldn't have happened right it's a possibility but it's very very tough and and they see people like you they see people and they go it can happen and that keeps people going and if they're good i think if you're good someone finds you advice i used to get was like how do you do this how do this i go people will find you if you're good at something like your teacher realized you had something and and sometimes in comedy i see people and i go i think this guy's gonna make it but you can't it's not just about do it a lot it is about doing a lot but if you have something i think the word gets around somehow.

34:11Right. But it's it's tough.

34:13Dana Carvey:I mean, I think it's emotionally violent to do this career. I was in this acting class at San Francisco State and this actress came in and she's somebody you might recognize or did a few commercials. First time I'd heard this. If you can do anything else with your life, do that. But if you can't live without trying show business go ahead that's how but she had a cigarette and she looked pretty blue stuff but anyway go ahead well it ain't easy kid imagine having a free day out in the town sitting down for a nice lunch relaxing then you get an alert the window at your home's been broken while you're miles away it's that kind of thing that can turn your good day upside down obviously that's where ADT comes in.

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36:16So here you are. Now you've got a commercial under your belt. Yeah, I've got a commercial under my belt. and uh uh you know uh i don't know a year a year's worth of hollywood acting classes right um but here's the mistake that that everybody makes that old dick dunn's now he's got some connections right so he's sending me out for fuck hollywood's such a small little town back in the 80s it's even smaller now in some ways for let's say casting directors you guys know this for casting directors there's fucking 12 or 15 of them right so dick dunn's sending me out for pilots and stuff because you know i'm a tall fucking half decent looking white guy right so back then that was most of every fucking every pilot had a role for a guy like that but i'm not ready you know i'm fucking walking in there too green i'm green my hands are shaking the fucking script i'm forgetting where i am i'm pouring sweat like uh broadcast news and the mistake is these guys now have seen me and you only get that, you know, that saying, you only get one first shot, one first shot to make a good impression.

37:27So they're never fucking bringing me back. You know, every time I go in there, they're like, no, you know, you can just tell when somebody is ready. You see a guy on, on, on any open mic night, you guys know like, fuck, this guy's got something or he's got a long way to go. Too early. Too early. So that was my big mistake, you know, and, well, not my mistake because I was learning, you know, but that's my advice also to people like don't come to Hollywood and go get that headshot before you take like three years of acting classes.

37:56Dana Carvey:Before we get to your, your success and exposure and stuff. I know that you did work doing lighting. And when Phil Hartman and John Levitz were there. So this is a fucking great story. Now, now we, now we've got something. this is snl baby snl adjacent yeah this is snl uh uh fucking so why were you working there if you were so flush and doing commercials yeah well you didn't run under that 8k that got taxed did you it goes like this so my buddy wants to go see the movies right remember we used to go to the movies and see a fucking look at the posters and go oh let's go see this one right fuck yeah yeah so we do that and then there's this movie with this guy and it's called you know peewee's big adventure i said he goes let's go see it and i said no fuck let's go see whatever else he's playing that's a fucking kids movie he says i don't think it's a kids movie i think it's something else so we go it's like fucking that first showing 10 30 or 11 o 'clock i can't remember what theater but somewhere in Hollywood we go see this movie and I sit there my fucking jaw drops I can't even understand like what I'm seeing right because this character is you know it's so dimensional and this fucking guy who is this guy we sit through like three three of them we sit through three of those screenings that probably went back a couple times and took other people but what you got to remember is and nobody understands it you know today except you know this age range once you walk out of that theater and you're going who's fucking peewee herman you got no way to look up who this guy is you know there's there's no fucking little thing you can touch and google him yeah what do you go find information in 1985 plus i thought he's a real guy i didn't think he's playing anyone i was too new i was just like that's a real guy you know i didn't think it was a paul rubens that's funny or somewhere there is no paul rubens there's the only peewee herman yeah i'm not even sure i knew this you know we're reading in the credits that this guy's name was paul rubens so we you know we can't find out anything about this guy and not too long after that my buddy says hey there's this there's this place where this guy named paul ruben who's playing peewee studied acting and and does skits called the groundlings right groundlings it's on melrose let's go fucking check it out he'll probably be there right yeah for sure so we go there it makes sense yeah it makes sense so far it tracks we're gonna go fucking see this guy so um we go uh it's a friday night i remember it was a friday night we get some tickets i think they're fucking seven or ten dollars to go see the groundlings you guys have you guys have been to the groundlings yep so we walk in this theater it's a very tiny theater for anybody listening.

41:02It's never been there. And at this time, nobody's talking about the growlings. Right. So now everybody has some kind of reference because of all the Saturday night live alone. But you, you know, it's a very small theater. There's an aisle up the middle. It's about 99 seats and there's fucking, uh, uh, 50 seats on each side up a little incline. It's tiny, intimate, very tiny, intimate. So we get in there and, and, uh, we're looking around. Ah, fuck. He's not here. and the show starts i'm sure he's not there the show starts and i once again i can't believe what i'm seeing so it's it's about a half hour i'm sorry i guess it's 45 minutes or so of sketch right and then they take a little intermission and then come back and this fella stands up and starts saying you know give me a place give me a town give me a job and they're doing some of the fucking best improv i've ever seen because i have only been in classes right with people who don't know what the fuck they're doing it looks like a magic trick it's unbelievable how crazy as you go how are they doing this it is a magic trick because they've studied you know how to produce the fucking you know rabbits from the hat i mean they you know yeah the this the gimme a scenarios you know is is also a trick it's like you can fucking say anything you know yeah yeah But they're seeming like geniuses at this point.

42:27Yeah, of course. So after the show, there's going to be another show. We're at the early show. After the show, we go out and the audience is clearing out. And that's fella who's saying, give me a name, give me a place, comes out in the thing. And I go up to him and I say, hey, I love the show. I can tell he's kind of in charge. It turns out this fellow's name is Tom Maxwell, who at the time is like a founding member of the Groundlings and the sort of guy, their director, right, of everything. But I just know he's the guy that was leading the fucking band. And so I said, is there any job that I could do here?

43:08I love this. I want to be around this. And he said, he looks me up and down. He says, are you available every weekend? And I said, yeah. now he says my spot guy's leaving you ever work a spotlight and i said no he said can you come tomorrow night for the first show get here about six o 'clock and you're going to do two weeks with my spotlight guy and you're going to take over the spotlight i said yeah he goes you're also going to sell candy and beer at the intermissions and i he says you're good with that and i said yeah he goes 35 bucks to show cash so 70 bucks a night you good with that i go yeah he goes i'll see you tomorrow and i fucking came back the next day and i learned how to fucking do the spotlight which is much more intricate than you would think because you know now you're now you're doing a dance right with with with the performers so i might have been it might have happened before me but i uh i don't remember like love it's for example doing hello hello that's the thespian jealous um so when so for instance you know heart one would probably say and now a word from uh liars anonymous right and at that beat it's a dark theater bang that spotlight has to come on exactly where fucking love it's going to be right yeah and i gotta know his act and i gotta know what his last fucking goodbye line is and bang spotlight goes out stays dark for a minute you know there's a little booth next to me where guys are also operating the main lights right so i gotta learn this this fucking act and uh for the whole you know for the whole show and it was just fucking amazing and i i don't know how long i was there before one weekend lovitz is gone right it's like where's john he's got an audition for saturday night live now in my mind this this is not possible because you know that you have run across in the world it might be on saturday night live one of my favorite shows that i have watched since the day it came on in 1975 i believe it was october because i'm about 14 or 15 and to this fucking day have probably never missed an episode i mean i still get excited when i wake up on Saturdays.

45:31I'm not bullshitting that tonight is a, is a new fucking episode of a Saturday night live with somebody, Josh Brolin, maybe. And all day long, I'm like, fuck, it's coming on soon. I'm still like a 14 year old boy when it's on. Are you guys like that at all? I love it.

45:46Dana Carvey:It, um, well, uh, if I go back there, if I go back there and I hear that theme music, Lauren talks to me and I go in eight H yeah, it's heady, heady stuff. There's nothing like it, but the interesting part of that is that you're seeing phil hartman and john love it's pre saturday night live working together and then i think there was at one point you were there i don't know around this time and you were having an argument with your girlfriend at the ground lanes in the hallway and something happened oh yeah dana so what was that story just an argument getting a little loud and then what happened yeah well so yeah that's funny so love it so from this time there's only a couple people that are going to know i was at the groundings phil wasn't one of them because i didn't have much exchange with him but love it's kathy griffin uh uh george mcgrath you know that guy george mcgrath he's a simpsons guy i always heard about i never know this guy and he he wrote a lot of the peewee stuff people thought he's a great writer yeah great fucking writer and even better performer should have been on Saturday night live.

46:52Why? Oh, I didn't know he's a performer. Oh my God. One of the best, one of the best. So, and the back of these stairs at the ground, where you work in the spotlight goes down to where the cast is, you know, Phil and John would sneak up, you know, individually to kind of watch the show if they weren't on for a while. And I would kind of have this rap with, with John. Right. And so we, we sort of had a thing, Phil would come up and I liked shoes, right? I always bought thrift store shoes. And Phil would always notice my shoes, like executive wingtips or some two-tone shoes.

47:24Dana Carvey:Oh, yeah. And he'd say, every time he'd say, hey, nice shoes. He'd whisper to me because the audience is also sitting right by me. He'd say, I'd say, thanks, thanks. He'd say, would you get those? And I like the shop. He wants a pair. Yeah. I like the shop. It's a place called Aardvarks. They used to be on Melrose. I remember Aardvarks. Aardvarks. Way to get those shoes, fella. yeah i like the shoes yeah little chick hazard yeah yeah oh so every time he because as he's coming up these stairs you know he's seeing my feet first before he gets to the top and so every time i started found myself like trying to wear nice shoes when i'd work because i thought phil might notice yeah what a great reason to talk yeah yeah yeah and every time he'd fucking come up almost and he'd look down shoes and he'd say hard marks and i'd say yeah hard marks um but i I was more friendly with love.

48:17Three bucks. So anyway, what about the argument with the girlfriend? Yeah. So I'm with this girlfriend, but this time I'm famous, right? Because I'm on Northern Exposure for about two years. So John and Phil are hosting this thing in like Montana. One of these things you guys get paid for to come host a charity event, right?

48:35Dana Carvey:Yeah. And I'm with this girlfriend and we're arguing in the hall. Out loud, fucking kind of yelling. and the door pops open and it's Lovitz. And he says, hey, he goes, get in here. And so we both come into the room. So you guys do Lovitz all the time, right? And so the world kind of thinks of Lovitz as, you know, jealous. Hello, jealous. Yeah, that guy. Right. And he's like that on the talk show. So they don't know there's another fucking side of this guy. And Lovitz for about an hour was like a therapist to us telling us why we should be kind to each other, how to fucking get through this thing.

49:17It was like every self-help book you've ever read, because I've read a ton of them, in an hour. I mean, I just always remember that he did that. You know that side of him, right? He's like that. He's like a fix-it guy. If you say something's wrong, he goes, I'm going to give you a list of three doctors that you should see tomorrow, and I'm going to call them ahead of time. And I'm like, oh, okay. So he really gets into things, and he's very like an earnest person that seems a little different than his persona.

49:45Dana Carvey:So you're trying to get the power over. You should accept the power. I could just see him. Why do you fight? You need to, you're lucky to have someone. Yeah, he does get in that. He's not that broad, but he will have a talk with you. I agree. You're right on that story. It was just amazing. And I bumped into him a few times since then, because where we live, we're just so far out of Hollywood by a lot of hours. But I'll always remember him until they stick me in the ground that he was took the time to be so sweet like that. That's nice. Sean, if you're listening, there you go. Yeah. So you have such a big resume here.

50:22Dana Carvey:I don't even know where to start. Let's talk about this fat resume. Okay. The first big one was Northern Exposure. The controversy with Rob Lowe. I don't know if it's a known controversy, but it's not really. Hey, wait, let me tell you guys one thing. Anything. We shared, the three of us shared a space in the early 90s. I think you know this, Dana, but I'm going to reveal it. We shared a space in the early 90s for one of the most iconic things in rock and roll that ever happened. You know what it is, David Spade? Uh-uh, I do not. The three of us were at the 1992 MTV Awards that some people say were the best awards ever.

51:03The one Dana hosted? The one Dana hosted. I presented it to Van Halen. You did skits. you did the welcoming guy and oh the receptionist and i also i was trying to help write dana jokes i think dana right i was supposed to be you were writing and you did that i played drums uh with youtube oh my god oh yeah you got nirvana you got nirvana black crows elton john uh uh guns and

51:29Dana Carvey:roses yeah shit uh 20 000 cedar yeah yeah oh you got fucking eric clapton i mean it was it was a 20 ,000 seater that was Pauly Pavilion they were a big deal that was a big deal Howard Stern, Fartman came down oh yeah all the same one I can't unsee that so much more fun I don't even know what the MTV Awards do they even do them anymore here's another three degrees since we're in this section your wife was on thankfully did a part in a movie I did called master of disguise where she, she starts the movie and, and runs away in the night and stuff and then goes in a car and it's like, she goes like this and then suddenly it's James Brolin.

52:23Dana Carvey:So as if James Brolin was doing a disguise. So he's Bo Derek, David worked with her on Tommy boy. And then, so we also have that connection to Bo. We have that connection. I mean, you're married to her, but we, we, well, I, I met her. I was so the other night when we watched when we watched Tommy Boy, we were talking about some stuff. And I remember on your podcast, somebody I don't remember who it was, was talking about Bo's short hair in Tommy Boy. Right. And and that John had said, I don't want you to look like a movie star. Cut your hair short. And she said, fuck, that didn't happen like this.

53:03Here's what happened. Let's see if you guys know. so Bo is in Paris doing pre-production on a movie that she's going to do a couple months from now but she thought she should have short hair so she cuts her hair and she's trying it out and she said about a week later she gets a phone call we want you to offer you this movie but if you say yes you've got to get on a plane tomorrow and fly to Toronto from Paris and start and start that afternoon which she did she said yes to it and she said she fucking landed in toronto in the morning and by the afternoon she was shooting the swimming pool scene right wow right and so sounds familiar yeah so for all these years as we know acting uh how acting goes you don't fucking get a call 12 hours before so she was obviously replacing somebody i was wondering are you gonna ask me who she yeah i don't know now we finally i don't know who fell out do you know because i don't know who could beat bo derrick so so bo's fantastic manager i don't even know if you know this but was the great bernie brilstein right oh we oh oh it was it was yeah oh wow that's all ties together okay bernie well so bernie only had two women apparently according to bernie who we've had so many dinners with i fucking love that guy yeah um bernie only had gilda and beau the only two women he's ever represented i think that's pretty cool shit that's that's that's him that's a good group so yeah dan it i mean david you don't know who beau replaced if you tell me maybe it'll ring a bell but i just it's beau is so ingrained in my head for that raquel welch oh yeah do i remember anything about raquel welch wow I don't think that got I don't think I got CC'd on that Didn't come across my desk I was in the same boat They're going Get the fuck over there And cut your hair And go get your fittings And learn your lines And then they're like I think And I think we were like Wait Who's the person That's playing this Who's this Because we didn't know We got We had one girl We knew that we got Is the girl That we both flirt with At the pool But other than that We didn't know anyone We didn't know Julie Warner was in my acting class though Wait That's not why she got it, but we knew where Rob Schneider was in there in Ivana Chubbuck's class.

55:33And then, so I was like, when her name came up, I said, oh, I think she's great. She came in, Farley loved her, and Bo came in, and Bo came into a shitstorm. That's so nice. She just said yes, by the way, because it was kind of a gamble. Yeah. Well, she had time off for this other thing that never actually happened. Here's the other thing. both said uh she was only supposed to be there for a week she said i was fucking there for 10 weeks on tommy boy on tommy boy and she then she started flying home and coming back for just those few little scenes that she's in she's probably in five little scenes uh she said she was there for 10 10 weeks and i've heard you on the thing saying before how you guys would fly back to do the show and then come back on on saturday night be exhausted unless farley went the same party when he wanted to go to the fucking after party we were dead yeah we gotta go for one minute lorne will get mad i go lorne doesn't know where the fuck who we are i said what do you what do you remember about chris and here's what she said about each of you she said the crazy thing i remember is this is 95 so it's not like you can get an espresso machine stuff now she said he wanted an espresso machine and she goes they got him like a 14 000 espresso machine and he would drink a bunch of espresso and then she said his face would just get beet red and he'd fucking like you know pull his hair up and stuff and go like what are we doing what are we waiting for yeah it was it was a uh she was exactly right and the first day we had a three and a half page scene in the diner where i i realized he's a good salesman and he's talking to lady about chicken wings or whatever they're wingy and he was doing a shot of espresso between each take and we were like chris what are you doing we both didn't really know how much fucking coverage we would do we thought we'd do the scene a few times everyone's like great job but that was a master and then they push in and do a medium shot then they push over me and do my over the shoulder of chris then a tight and then turn around to me and then me as a wide and then the two of us in a side shot and then the waitress this way then that way and we had no idea so we're there for 16 hours and chris is asleep at lunch going what the fuck we have more of this we already did it a hundred times i go yeah he peaked at nine and we said you can't i said i don't think you're gonna have that cappuccino all that you're gonna have a heart attack i said that coupled with your salt imbalance uh leads to a weight problem and so yeah so he uh he goes i gotta tone it down but he would he would drink all that in the morning and he would crash so hard at lunch that all the pas would be like i'm not waking him up because you'd hear knock knock knock here get the fuck out of here and they're like they they need you first team so funny to come back so mad at his hair all coming out of his bow all i remember is bow was being lovely and we were nervous around her and so uh but she couldn't have been more sweet and she might have felt like she's because she wasn't ever seen that um and these idiots you know like this goofy comedy but i'm glad it actually worked out where she's part of it because over the years i always hear about it's very nice to hear about something like that i'm glad she's part of it all i said what do you remember about david mostly and she said she said uh i just remember a a steady people a steady stream of people he's was eating more tuna fish sandwiches than i've ever seen anybody eat their life and he never put on a pound but he He was constantly eating tuna for sandwiches.

59:10It was the stress of the movie. My weight I was losing was going straight to Farley. So Lauren would say, well, the weight stayed on screen. It just shifted from you to him. But he said, you're like the number 10. It's a little skinny spade. And then Farley became Laurel and Hardy.

59:31Dana Carvey:Yeah, it was Laurel and Hardy. It was Laurel. And through the, you know, you're shooting the movie out of sequence. So we don't even know if it's any good, but we were stressed out of our fucking gourds. This is a funny thing I want people who are listening to do. So I'm surprised there's not more outtakes and bloopers of you guys because I looked them up online. And there's really only one little set of like a three minute little put together of bloopers. Right. Unless there's another one I couldn't find. But, you know, when you're making a movie, you're there for fucking six weeks, mostly 14 hours a day.

1:00:02and you don't move to the next scene for people who aren't in showbiz you don't move to the next scene till you shoot one of the things david was talking about like two people sitting at a table and then you'll shoot the other guy from another angle and until you get that angle and then move it to another one you don't even think about going outside to shoot the fucking scene in the rain with the deer or whatever yeah so when i watch these bloopers you know people who haven't made many movies it's always i know what you're gonna say i don't know listen it's always fun it's always fun it's always fun to to fuck up and laugh right but the more somebody laughs and fucks up a take uh the more you gotta stay there and fucking do it and the clock just ticks and sometimes you're going man we could have been out in here an hour and i'm still trying to do the scene right so to watch farley you know be like a little kid because i was watching you and yeah i know you rarely fuck up but farley would constantly like machine gun laugh when he fucks up and sometimes you laugh but i'd look at your face and some of these and you're just like looking straight ahead and he's like yeah i knew where you were heading with that because i saw the tape once and i was like oh my god look at me because i'm just staring into space going we're going again yeah because you know you can't get it you can't move on like you said and it's three hours after we're supposed to wrap and we have to fly back to New York from Toronto.

1:01:27And I'm like, Farley, just say it. And he thought it was the greatest joy in the world to fuck up his lines and get the crowd laughing. He's like the mayor of the crowd. He's like, look at Chip over there. He's laughing. He knows what's going on. And I'm like, Farley, keep going. We got to get this. And so I could see some of those we would laugh and some of those we were just staring into space because we were in a daze going, it's so long. It's so long. Yeah. And there's one little thing where he's trying to pop that fucking life preserver right that in the movie he just grabs a pen and it pops but there's an outtake of him and you could kind of see the anger in him which is he's getting mad he's like this fucking pen doesn't fucking work or something like that that's yeah that's it wasn't sharp enough yeah it wasn't sharp enough there's i love seeing those little uh intricate things yeah the behind see there's one time when i go for some reason when he goes zelinski is blood and i I go, and he seems like a nice guy.

1:02:18And I go, he seems like a nice guy. And then he starts laughing. And then I start laughing because that's a genuine, we crack up. And he laughs so hard. And he goes, what a dick. Yeah. But I'm like, and then I'm like, we got to get that again. Because it sounded kind of funny. I hope they can keep that because I'm trying to stay in it. And then he laughs so hard. I can't. I start laughing. Oh, people look at, there's a sweet one too, where you're saying like, and then you whisper his line to him and he fucking throws himself down. and he's like, ah! Because I would know his lines in my head. I'm like, just say this, and then I say this.

1:02:52And he's like, staring into space. I'm like, that blank look, he does not know what's next. It's so great. People, good people listening, just fucking punch it in and watch it. All right, back to school starts now. Get long-lasting battery life on the Dell XPS laptop powered by Series 3 Intel Core. So you can work from anywhere. Now starting at$699. with exclusive student pricing starting at$599. And it's lightweight, portable, and packed with enough processing power to make multitasking a breeze.

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1:03:52All right, now before we get back, we have a message from Ashley, the mosquito about Orkin. Hey, besties. Hope all of you are high key so excited for summer. It's literally giving all of us mosquitoes life. So we thought we'd help everybody make the most of it before Orkin pros try to ruin our fun. Remember, if you have standing water on your lawn, from the pool or the sprinkler. Just let it sit there. The more the merrier. When there's standing water, there'll be more mosquitoes. Plenty more. Next up is a bit of a hot take, but we're so hyped on it. Let mosquitoes inside. What could go wrong?

1:04:27Just let us inside, please. Thanks. Love you.

1:04:30Dana Carvey:Finally, the number one rule this summer is do not, under any circumstances, speak to anybody from Oregon. That is literally so cringe It will ruin the vibe of any get together we might be having. Take it from a mosquito. Orkin pros know literally everything about us, period. Don't visit orkin.com for a free estimate today. Now let's go suck some blood. Now let's go suck some blood. Number one with a blood bullet. One thing I love about summer is how easy everything feels. The days are a little more relaxed. I find myself reaching for the same comfortable, go-anywhere pieces again and again. That's why I keep coming back to Quince.

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1:06:25All right. What do you want to know?

1:06:27Dana Carvey:Well, well, these are your tent poles basically for, for the general public Northern exposure, won the emmy yeah your first huge job obviously um sex in the city and then revisiting it now yeah obviously your your time as a rock star which is really interesting or a country music star uh my big fat greek wedding one and two jesus um parenthood uh kate hudson raising helen Tony Collette's husband in United States of Terror. So we can't get to all of it. That's okay. There's a lot of shit on there. There's a lot of shit on there. Here's the thing, fellas. Yes. It's called fly on the wall, right?

1:07:16So you got to reveal some stuff, right? Or else we're just fucking talking. The fact of the matter is I kind of picked... Look, I'm at the fourth quarter of the football game now, in life and in showroom. And it's just a fact. So I can reveal now, I picked the fucking wrong thing to do with my life, right? I mean, I really, you know, being an actor is, for one, since I was a kid, I hate to be told what to do, fucking by any authority figure. So I picked something to do with my whole life for my fulfillment of my work life, which is, dude, stand here, say this, put this on, look this way, say it faster, cut your hair like this.

1:07:59And there's not really as an actor in my position, which is, you know, always second, third banana. Hired hand. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not Emma fucking stone in, you know, in pretty poor things, you know, where I'm collaborating. I'm not collaborating with the writers. I'm just fucking. Have you ever said like a puppet?

1:08:23Dana Carvey:You feel like a puppet. But here's the here's the part of the puppet. have you ever sat in a fucking waiting room of a doctor's office for like an hour and you're going what the fuck for me that's what making a movie is like because i'm not part of any creative process and right those minutes that we'll do to the table and then they say okay we're going to turn around we'll need you in two hours that 14 hour day for those six weeks where for anybody listening it's going to sound like I'm an ungrateful prick, but I'm just telling you, uh, I, for my work life, I made a lot of money. I live in a beautiful home.

1:08:58People come to me in every fucking restaurant I go in. I'm a friend of the world. But as far as a fulfilling, creative work life, I didn't write one fucking line. I didn't write one joke to make people laugh. So it's been unfulfilling on, on that level. Like all those things you, you mentioned, you know, there were some, you know, good times here and there, but most of it's sitting, waiting for them to fucking knock on your door to go, Hey, we need you to come back and say that thing again. And to me, man, there's, it's such a boring fucking life. Anybody listening has never been on a movie set.

1:09:31If you came to visit any one of us for two days, just two of those 14 hour days, you'd say, I never want to be here ever, ever again. This is like watching paint dry. And it's just human.

1:09:42Dana Carvey:It's is human stuff did you ever have a director that you felt because i had this experience in my three movie career uh was actively had animus toward you didn't really want to cast you was kind of subtly sabotaging you i mean you get in scenarios where you really yeah yeah yeah many of them many of them yeah but but but mostly they've got such a you know look i'm not a fucking movie actor i've been in basically big fat greek weddings the only movie i'm really a television actor and so you know that thing has to move quick and that guy's got to make a million decisions and you know we're not shucking and jiving and going out for wine after so you know i'm just at that point in my life now that uh you know i like being at home with with beau and the dogs and i don't want to go to fucking little rock and stay even if you know even if you're in a penthouse of the fucking hyatt in singapore you're still not in your own fucking bed and you're gone for six weeks.

1:10:41And for me, I can't every day is like a guy like marking the wall going like, I'll get out of here soon. So at this point in my life, I'm just gonna just sort of, you know, I have there, if something seems really, really fucking fun, uh, I'll say yes. But then I get there and two days later, I'm always saying like, why don't I fucking say yes? Because also that work life means, you know at my best uh i i work five or six weeks a year right so saying i picked that unfulfilling thing to do like here's the thing i have to sit and wait for the phone to ring and like in 22 it never rang once so for that whole year i'm sitting like how do i get my besides playing the guitar and piano at home how do i express myself you guys can really if you want to work fucking 52 weeks a year you can do it you know you can get a guy who books you you You can travel the fucking country.

1:11:34You got to stay in a lot of holiday inns and you got to be on a lot of planes. And do you want to do that? But you can kind of control your own life, right? And work as much as you want. But, you know, do you want to be fucking Carrot Top, right? Carrot Top, not taking anything away from him. Fucking great. You know, what he does is great. But for 17 years, he's been in Las Vegas doing 12 shows a week, pulling a fucking lighted toilet seat out of a trunk. and it's i mean how exciting can that be for fucking don't give away his closer

1:12:05Dana Carvey:i would just say i'm gonna play something john oh let's play something because within all that that which every every actor really really incredibly successful ones like you you've got a lot of nominations and stuff this is a scene that i i saw from northern exposure where your character predicts the future. And so I understand why you got the Emmy for that performance. It's not easy. So here it is. Let me see this shit. John predicting the future. Okay. Wow, I have to tell you, Chris, I felt a little self-conscious getting these. I mean, technically, I don't need to own my own washer and dryer.

1:12:42But then I thought, why am I being so provincial? You know, it's no big luxury. I grew up with a washer and dryer. Ingross point? Mmm. It smells new, like a new car. Look, it's so shiny. It makes me feel, uh, elegant. That's the self-affirming power of a new toy. That's the life support system of the whole capitalist animal. Huh? I mean, when you think about it, the whole material gratification angle is just the tip of the iceberg. These babies here embody the whole wolf and warp of human development. A wash and dryer. Ever since the Pleistocene era, Homo erectus has been flocking it down to the local creek to beat their first skivvies against rocks, right?

1:13:21Well, what's a laundromat except the same old creek, but with a cheap tin roof over, huh?

1:13:27Dana Carvey:Yeah, so? But this, this is progress. I mean, these two iron boxes, we've gone from communal suds to private spin cycle. We're on our total blitzkrieg towards isolation. You think? Listen to me, the day's coming, and it ain't gonna be long when you ain't even gonna have to leave your living room. No more schools, no more bodegas, no more tabernacles, no more cineplexes, all right? You're going to snuggle up to your fiber optics, baby, and bliss out. Whoa. Wow. Okay. That is a little prophetic. That's probably 1991 or so. Yeah. The audience on this podcast will hear it. But I'm just saying, you know, we all have a little critic in our head.

1:14:10Dana Carvey:But within that gauntlet you've walked of, you know, being in the trailer and being controlled like a puppet, there's really good work. you know i mean you were in the pocket in that moment with that character i will say that feels good yes and i will say that out of everything i've ever done uh that was my first job i think i was 27 or 8 when i got that that was my first fucking job uh ever uh i did a wonder years you know a little guess but that that was it that even to this day that was the and funny enough after 30 years they just started playing again on amazon they couldn't get the rights because all the music oh really cool it just started streaming which is kind of cool but that was it that was the one because i was i would as you know i would go to work on days off uh and watch work you remember when you would do that right now it's like i i gotta work uh that was that was the one where we we had amazing writers and and uh i i don't think i could memorize that today at this age it would i'd need fucking barlon brando that's all i could think is how do you memorize oh my god uh i couldn't do that today but yeah i i know what you mean and and and you gotta be for people who aren't in the business and they're going fuck this guy you gotta be in this business to kind of get a hook into what i'm talking about you guys have been just as long as i have dana even longer i mean you know you've put up with all that shit before saturday night live you know you You were, you know, I'm curious to what, what, where your life would have been if Saturday Night Live didn't come along.

1:15:46I think you would have stayed in acting and fucking good things would have happened there. But I think you would have found yourself, unless you were writing stuff, saying exactly what I'm saying. It's like, Christ, man.

1:15:57Dana Carvey:No, I did Blue Thunder. I did one of the boys. I was completely controlled in these little things and doing stuff I hated to be doing. So, I mean, again, you're living this dream, which we acknowledge to everybody. But right now, there's going to be some hammering at my... Yeah, that's right. My crew was told from 11 to 12 to not hammer on top of my head. So we're at that time. But yeah, that's all very true. But just one word to describe Sarah Jessica Parker. One word or three words. One paragraph, one page. fucking beautiful present team leader. If I could, if I could do something with just one person, if I had to act the rest of my life and had to pick one person, it would be her, man.

1:16:48I mean, there's something about this girl that's just fucking, you know, there's, you know, I can hit a tennis ball back and forth, you know, if you're not too good and she'll just hit it back and forth with me all day and never try to fucking slam me one, you know, or anything like that, like some of these fucking actors do that you do scenes with. She's the best. And I get to do it again, apparently, because, you know, I did that reboot last year. And then right before the actor's strike and the writer's strike, they said, hey, if we get picked up, would you do it again? And I said, sure, I'll come do some.

1:17:24But, you know, I really haven't heard anything since then. I'm hoping that we come back and do some more. Let me see what's going on. All right. Wow. I'll get back to you. That's awesome. Hey, Dana, would you tell me, one of my favorite bits is to break this fucking guy complaining story up. Would you tell me the Travolta joke? Red Redneck-y. Oh, Red Redneck-y. You know that's my favorite. You know Red Redneck-y.

1:17:50Dana Carvey:So for some reason, John is a fan of this character I do sometimes. Red Redneck-y, the redneck comedian. Now, what if you, now, I don't mean to put you on the spot, But what if you didn't change the word and you did red, red, rednecky as our buddy who introduced us, by the way, my fucking favorite guy on the planet, Dennis Miller. What if you did red as Dennis? What would that sound like? Oh, all right. Let's just give it a shot for this more hammering. You ever fart so loud a dog to stay away going. What that coming against some? I don't mind it. I don't mind it. I asked my mama to wash my Tidy whitey she said sure thing I asked her how'd it go she goes great Haven't seen skid marks Like that since the Daytona 500 come and get some Come and get some I asked my daddy what's for Dinner he says shit on a shingle I said this day just keeps getting Better and better come and get some He's so fucking funny Dennis Oh, fuck.

1:18:59Dennis Miller is my favorite, favorite fucking friend in the world.

1:19:03Dana Carvey:He's great. Yeah. So, uh, well, we could go on for another hour and make a two-parter. No, come back because you have, you scratched the surface and. Yeah. John, I mean, your stories are amazing. I have to say you, you weren't complaining there. You were just giving a bleak reality that everyone kind of knows anyway, but they don't hear a lot. And, and, and, and everyone knows showbiz is tough. You were sort of saying parts that were tough. I mean, we all know, the glitz and glamour and the money part when it works but there's a grind there it's always a grind it's not it doesn't totally just go away okay now i have to do one more thing okay thing now you were here you were in control and then i'll do your request this is 30 seconds greg could you play the song in control john corbett original

1:19:56Little Bon Jovi feel at the beginning. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, look at this. Come on. Star. Oh, it's a whole video. We're watching a video. It's a whole story about all the wild women we've known. When the conversation turns to you, baby, I've learned. Come on, man. Whoa, look at this shot. That's a hole of the bottle of whiskey. That's a hole of the case of the blues.

1:20:39Dana Carvey:That's funny. There you go. That's written by you. I assume essentially co-produced, played the instruments. Look him up. that yeah look me up that's a lot of fun as you know being a fellow musician that's that's a lot of fun hey let me tell i can't do what i just saw though but go ahead david i gotta let catchphrase for you you need a catchphrase sure uh and you gave it to yourself you gave it to yourself one of my favorite things and then we'll get off one of my favorite things you did was uh was you know you did norm's show you know before oh yeah yeah before he passed and i love do you remember your catchphrase for the angry guy, the angry guy.

1:21:20And he goes, Hey, how would the angry guy say it when you were talking about getting catfished and you did the fucking funniest thing? You're like, show me that.

1:21:30That's horrible. But yes, I do. It's a great phrase. That's the guy that's the dirty pervert that DMs girls and he's too rough right away. Yeah. Is that what it is? I got a line for you. Would you say this line and then give me the catchphrase? go ahead okay the line is uh i'll put this order in and be right back with your drinks girls catchphrase okay let me see if i remember the catchphrase okay girls i'm just gonna put your put your order in and i'll be right back with your drinks does that sound good now show me that pussy

1:22:05Dana Carvey:turns into the exorcist i don't know i you know john i hear a lot about that norm show i never saw it but it was his netflix show and I heard so much nice things about it. And it's hard to watch now because he passed away, but doing it was funny. And it was really because it was such a ragtag operation. And it made me think that's the way all these shows should be because it was so funny that it was such a fucking screw off. Yeah, we had a blast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for bringing that up. And I don't remember that one. And I just did remember it. Great. So, and by the way, thanks for coming on.

1:22:41Also, you kind of stole Dana as my friend. That's fine. We're not going to skim over that. Dana's got a new friend. He's up there having dinners every night. I have an in-town place.

1:22:51Dana Carvey:I'll see you next week. When he comes to see me, he struggles through a dinner and it's fine. And that's great. But John, you were hysterical. What a blast. Thanks for talking to us. I love it. I love it. I had fun. Thank you guys. All right. I'll talk to you soon, buddy. Talk to you soon. Bye.

1:23:13All right. Listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall of course hopefully you are click follow we don't want to be desperate but obviously smash that god dang button on your favorite podcast app smash leave a review a good one leave a five star rating nothing else whoops and maybe even share an episode with a friend if you're watching this episode on YouTube please subscribe Dana what do you think

1:23:37Dana Carvey:I'm gonna tell you this right now hear me now believe me later fly on the wall believe it or not is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by, hold for it, Dana Carvey and David Spade or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweetech. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lepore.

1:24:13Thank you.