Rehashing Eddie Murphy Beef & Farting Pastor

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0:47Don't wait to prepare your home for an emergency. When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT-ASAP. Welcome to the podcast, Dana. Yes, we're going to do a hot take in a few minutes about what is the current best live streaming show to watch. We may have a bit of a disagreement, but stay tuned for that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That I would not change that dial. Don't touch that channel. Just hang with us for a minute. We just want to kind of warm up to you, our listeners. First thing I have to mention from this week is that I know you're worried about me and Eddie Murphy hammering everything out.

1:32That did kind of blow up. Eddie Murphy has a documentary. Go ahead. Tell the story. It's the story that won't die. Yeah, he has a documentary. I didn't see the documentary, but I do love Eddie Murphy. And we had some bumps in the road along the way early on. it was weird going from being a super fan to having him hate me overnight and to try to win him back for the last 20 years. Well, could you in 10 seconds explain the exact thing that happened? Oh, I was on Weekend Update, on SNL, new to the show, making fun of all the celebrities, and I made fun of him, and it didn't go well. And he called me and we had it out.

2:17Actually, he had it i didn't fight back really and then uh because i did feel a little guilty about it and he did make some sense uh i just didn't like that uh because you know he was a hero so we've got to the point i saw him i've seen him once or twice then i saw him at the 50th and we talked a little bit and everything's fine and then he admitted on the show not admitted he they just asked him about it and he said yeah we're all good so it's we're all good we kind of mentioned that with Mike Myers and his brother, our last podcast, uh, just things that seem so important at one, this is a wisdom alert for our younger listeners, things that seem so important, time heals all wounds.

3:01And later on you go, well, really, what was I so upset about? You know? And so this is what I met. He just totally let it go. I mean, I, I made Johnny Carson angry. He was kind of like it's in our time johnny carson the tonight show was just gigantic and i did him a few times he liked it then he was sort of upset about one of the episodes long story short and then i was never on the show again and um but he didn't go public with it that he was mad i mean listen i when i left us know i think they had a sketch someone playing me like three weeks later I'm like, let the body get cold. Let me get out of the building all the way before you come at me.

3:48And, you know, it's hard because you want to do jokes, but everyone in comedians can get a little attention because you go after anyone and then you get to go, it's comedy. What are you mad about? But obviously people get mad. I mean, it's human nature. If someone goes a little too rough on you. Yeah. I just lately it was, I don't do this often, but I was on Twitter just going down, you know and i thought man i'm first of all i'm addicted to everything and everything is either conspiratorial anger rage criticism super hard um takes on people trying to take things down and i and i had to i threw the phone out of my hand and i and i took a cold shower i just immediately with my clothes on just got just freezing water on my head yeah when i get like that i just stop everything and masturbate the way this is my doctor said you've gotta know when to stop and you always told me you masturbated first before you went online i do it first just to clear my head and then i look at about three tweets and no matter what they're about i do it again no my my twitter is such it but it's all the thing is it's based in reality so it's not just hey get mad about this it's like they show you something that you go oh this is real most of it's real because it's videos you see and some of it's most of it's hearings or things or laws and you go this so you start to get worked up but that's the part you can't get can't let it ruin your day and it's kind of it's very interesting how really in except for trump we can talk about him later as far as someone who can take punishment and just somehow treats life like it's a video game but kate mcginn was on our our friend amy poehler's podcast and just said her big mistake was reading the comments about her performance.

5:42Now, she's considered one of the all-time greats, right? Kate McGinnon on SNL. But it really got in her head because even though it was like people just attacking for no reason, she felt there was a kernel of truth in it that just really got in her head. Sure. If you read comments and there's a common theme that's negative, like you always do this, you always do this, it is something that you think about and go, okay, well, maybe they have a point. I mean, it's not all just hate. Sometimes people go, I think you're great, but I wish you wouldn't. And if you hear that enough, you go, maybe I should tweak something.

6:16It could be constructive. Right. Mostly just believe the good ones. I think that's the rule. I was scrolling down last week and I'm not, again, I'm not a big online guy, but I saw something I said, it was about our podcast. I hate when Dana Carvey always, and then I just press, I got out. Get out, get out. Because like I know Conan, I don't think this is a secret. I don't think he's ever listened to or seen his podcast. Yeah. Just because of the self-consciousness may outstrip whatever constructive criticism there is. I will, now you're on Kate McKinnon and I think we're going to have Sarah Sherman jump on next week.

6:56But I wanted to say that Marcelo on SNL was very funny this weekend. And when he played Sebastian, I cracked up. I cracked up within five seconds. I was like, oh, this is funny. I didn't even see the whole thing. I got about 20 seconds in. I was like, this is great. Well, Sebastian was on our podcast. He's a friend of the podcast. Friend of the show. I had just tried to figure out a way to encapsulate his style because he is singular in his own way. And I said it's musicality and physicality. But my thing was when he had a bit about being by the pool and a guy was clipping his toenails. I was sitting on the pool deck, he's clipping his toenails over here.

7:46But here's my takeaway from Marcello's fantastic impression. He did every single physical move. Yeah. And it takes a guy in his twenties to be able to do what Sebastian did in his forties. The physicality. I mean, it's just because it's really tight, sudden moves. And then when he jumped over the guy, Marcelo, that was a, he really got his knees up and you think, man, if somehow he clipped, that would have been, but he had real good clearance as well. But you know, also the voice, the whole look, he had a funny suit on, funny hair. And he's like going, and this guy. He had every single hook. Every hook.

8:32Also, I like when Sebastian says, huh? Huh? Can I put this in your, huh? What do you want to do? That's always funny. His character on stage is so defined. Yeah. They just go, so I went to my friend's house. I got to take my shoes off. Everything's normal. Everything's kind of normal. And you know he's about to wind up, but he's holding it back. My wife says, take your shoes off. Huh? Huh? Huh? I got to take my shoes off in the place. I think Marcelo not seeing dice that we grew up on. I sometimes do Sebastian and I go into dice, but without having that in his head, Marcelo just gets to focus on, on Sebastian.

9:27There's some, some dice influence there, but you know, Sebastian, he made it completely new. Uh, I, you know, you always wonder when you do stuff, where does it, where does it come from? Like, I don't know where the church lady came from. Honestly, I don't know. Cause it's not mom Frickard, you know, men in drag. It's not Milton Berle. So I'm not really sure where it came from, except from my childhood, I suppose. And I think Sebastian's got kind of the hook of Italian dad, tough dad, tough neighborhood, grew up tough. And then he was talking yesterday about when his dad mows the lawn drenched in sweat and comes in with grass all over him and sweat and sits at the dinner table.

10:09He goes, I don't know if dads still eat at dinner with their shirts off. Does that happen anymore? I don't remember my dad eating dinner with his shirt off. It's a funny idea, though. My dad did. He just walked in and sat down if he was ever around. But he left when I was four. But thanks for bringing that up, Dana. I once said, well, why are you eating dinner with your shirt off? And he had a big glass of water, and he threw it at my face. And he said, why are you wet? Why, Dana? What are you doing, Dana? True story. Oh, Jesus Christ, why are you wet? I can't talk politics with you because you don't know shit.

10:51That's an exact quote. That's an exact quote in the exact voice of my... All right. Tell me anything else that happened, and we'll get to some news stories because I'm out of stories. You're out of stories? I don't have much. In the day of our Lord, November 18, 2025, Dave Phineas Spade, spade comedian and sometimes actor officially was out of quips drain i'm running on low fumes no i i just had a sort of it's been pouring rain in la and that's a story it's not an interesting story but that's all anyone in la talks about and there's nothing funny to say about it it's just well nothing funny well how did you respond to it fear fear and um realizing that everything's different when it rains because you're so used to it not raining so when you go anyway you got to walk 10 feet you got to go you have to have an umbrella my umbrella was a little shitty kind i used to get in new york that are five bucks and they go when comes up and then they're like they barely cover your head but it wouldn't it kept coming down so i had to hold it all the way up to the top the whole time i'm walking and hold it tight so it doesn't cave in on me oh dana that's new york if you don't plan ahead you don't have an umbrella all of a sudden it's fucking raining and you have to duck in it.

12:11What do you want? Do you guys have any umbrellas? They just pop out umbrella salesman with like 80 umbrellas. You're like, give me, give me. But it's like a Kmart umbrella and they go, that'll be $99. What the fuck? You need it. But you gotta buy it. You gotta. I like the rain because where I live, the plants are desperate for rain. Everything is yellow and sad and droopy. and then the gusher of this sent from heaven, gushing, gorgeous water comes on the plants. This would be something you would do. And the plant's kind of like, oh, when will it rain?

12:56Yeah, they're parched. How would you act that out? You'd have a sound effect for the plant, right? The plant's like this. They're dying and they go, heard about this. there's a cloud that I just chemtrails. And then it does rain a few drops. And I guess they just go, I just need a little something, something. And then it pours and they go, that's enough. And then it's like pour. And they're like, okay. And then the third day of pouring, sometimes the plants are under the ground and then it rains. And then one hand,

13:32it's like they're being born. Yeah. And they're like, so much rain, they don't realize they're not getting any fucking more for six months. You said there was no shtick about rain. I know, we're shticking it up. We could do an album with this.

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14:36This Father's Day, do more with Dad and spend less with low prices guaranteed at the Home Depot. Get him fired up with a new grill and accessories, like the Nexgrill 5 burner for just$299, so you can spend more time together while he becomes the grill master he was always meant to be. or build memories with savings on top brand power tools so you can tackle projects side by side. Gift more and do more together this Father's Day with help from The Home Depot. Exclusions apply. See homekeeper.com slash price match for details. Okay, let's name, because we said we would, let's name the best live streaming show you can watch right now.

15:15Is there one you're thinking? Well, the one I - Oh, you mean like Netflix or something? Or Apple. oh there's live streaming which is like bieber has a new live stream show where it's on all like it's on for hours oh that's yeah that's and uh and aiden ross there's there's there's two i might go i might go on some of these and just see what it's all about but you're talking about like stream shows like netflix or apple yeah okay so which ones are good there's one i like nordic noir. It is an actual category because I'm Swedish and Norwegian. Swedish and Norwegian. And a wee bit Scottish. And of course Irish.

15:59What about Pluribus? Unum? Yeah, I haven't seen it, but I've heard about it. I'll watch that. I heard it's kind of cool. There's a show called R-A-R-E and it's a murder mystery film film uh nordic noir now let me ask you a question can you handle subtitles uh yeah because i i get some even if it's english there's subtitles on there yeah and i wind up reading them mumble if you know i thought maybe it's my age but people are just mumbling was get the subtitles any accent i'm fucking done i can't do it i was watching task which i really liked and that's great is uh I don't know. Is it Austria? I can't remember.

16:44No, it's American Mark Ruffalo. That's a really, I get it. But task is up there. I recommend. Oh, it's, uh, it's not Boston. It's Philadelphia. If I can hug you, I can understand it, but if it's Irish or English and they talk fast, I cannot. Yes. But when I did my special, they put, this is what happens. I see clips online of comics. They put it at the bottom, but the joke on the bottom is a hair ahead of how they talk and i don't want to know the joke before they say it well sometimes i think it would be like an acting class for people when you you're watching the subtitle writers and you're getting it right before they say it so you kind of go oh that's how they're saying it you know yeah but it's always ahead they put the jokes and you read them and then they send me i want to see i just want to hear it and one or the other yeah but uh I don't watch comedy much.

17:37What do they write on every coin minted since 1941? E pluribus unum. Nope. E pluribus unum. Nope. You know what they write on every coin? This is a coin. If you look at it really small, this is a coin. It's on the back. When I'm with Lovitz and I always drive him crazy because I go, guess where I went? No, guess what I had for dinner last night? And he goes, steak and fries. I go, nope, steak and fries. And he goes, that's what I said. But I'm already ramped up, so I have to say it anyway. But he gets it right. And then I do it all the time to him. And he goes, but now it's a good bit to do on people.

18:19I have a game with Mark Pitta just for texting. And you do a random thank you when it makes no sense. So, hey, the 49ers won yesterday. Thank you. That's kind of funny. Yeah, we do it a lot. And sometimes it'll go months before you just land a perfect thank you. Where it does not belong. Try that with your friends. I do. I said, I drove by a pickleball court today. You're welcome. Yeah, there you go. You're welcome is funny too. Yeah, yeah. Take credit for things you don't. I go, I thought you did a little long last night when I watched you do stand up. You're welcome.

19:01it's a criticism they don't want and then you say you're who critiques stand-ups anymore i don't know i did a set last night it was at the store it was i heard i heard about it you did oh yeah it wasn't pretty i don't think let me read some of the they have good lineups it was all it was eliza schlesinger me nick kroll i think i can't think of the rest well did you crush you always Santino. Did you crush? It was a good crowd last night. They bring them in pretty good. That means you crushed. Because it's pouring. So they're like, we're hostages now. Do you ever do that with people? Like you totally destroy and they go, good set.

19:43You kind of, well, you know, it was a hot audience. Or do you just go, thanks? No, I go. And then afterwards, if they say they were, they were, you didn't do good. I go, yeah, the crowd. I blame the crowd. I blame anything else. All right, let's get to some big stories. I'll put you in the top 100 stand-ups. Thank you. There we go. Pastor who farts in the faces of his congregation to heal them and cure them is going viral. With God's power. Look at how casual he is.

20:17Well, let's do this, though. I think sometimes in religions, no matter which one, they do stuff that from the outside, you got to know. But I think this one I would think was a bit peculiar. This is my hot take on this. Hey, Brian. What, Steve? Let's try to think of something that would really trend. Maybe get on flying on the wall. Oh, fuck. How about a pastor who farts in people's faces to heal them? By the way, I don't know how many people get healed. I'm sure it's hovering around 90 to 100%. But it seems like when people fart on people, it's not doing that much good in my experience. I don't know where the healing mechanism comes in.

21:04Is it God's hand on it? It's science, mostly, I feel. But yeah, there was this guru show This guy in Oregon And he farted a lot And drank and had sex with people And drove a Cadillac or a Rolls Royce And because it was so wrong People believed in it Well, that's how he's like a guru I know, sometimes they get crazy They go the other way and brag about how much they have Yeah, he'll eat a Mars candy bar Just proves that he's just a guru God damn, there's some money flying around All right, so this is buzzing around. This is the sponsor by 5-Hour Energy's new cranberry lime flavor. The perfect way to cut through your holiday food-induced coma.

21:49Head to your local retailer or www.5hourenergy.com. That's a letter five. I couldn't agree more with what you just said. Okay, so I'm going to give you more names and you're going to make a scenario and be funny. Ready? Here's your scenario I don't know if it's going to be funny You can do it not funny You used to be Driving, now you're on a spaceship That's all you get And then maybe Trump Maybe Elon Maybe Matthew McConaughey And either Travolta You say Matthew McConaughey? Yeah, if you have one Trump, Elon, okay You know, on a spaceship. Yeah. That's funny already. Doesn't have to do anything.

22:43This is Houston. Do you read stars? Starship Red One. Over. This is Lieutenant Commander Trump. Lieutenant Commander. Excuse me. Sorry, my headphone came out. Excuse me. This is Houston. Aren't you President Trump? Or is that you? I'm President Trump. I'm also Lieutenant Commander. and I can fly a ship like you wouldn't believe. You can fly. I can fly at Iron Fist. We're going to Mars. We're going to Mars. We're here with Elon Musk. Elon, we're going to Mars. Going to Mars. We have to go to Mars. We have to go to Mars. We have to terraform Mars. We're going to go to Mars and we're going to terraform it.

23:25You heard him? We're going to terraform it. What? Warren McConaughey. McConaughey. We can cut it. Matthew, what do you think? I'll ride, ride, ride, ride There we go And Al Gore's here, he came along He's a great friend of mine We've got to go to Mars because Earth is running out of air It is I heard him say that And of course we brought Arnold You've got to bring Arnold on these things He's a tremendous guy, right, Arnold? We're going to Mars We're going to find the little stick figure They are girly, girly Martians. And then we'll pummel them into dust and say, run away, little girly Martians.

24:10This is our planet now. You can break them with a little snap. Just because they're Martians, they're still girlies. You snap their little brains. They got big heads. They got no doubts. They got no abs. In a word, they're nothing. Right, Lieutenant Commander Trump? Yes. What about when they turn them over and you rub their head on the ground and light them like a match? Yeah, when we get to Mars, we're going to have a bonfire and we're going to roast Martians and eat them. Moss mellows. Right, Elon?

24:52What he said, what he said, he's a smart cookie, he's a tough cookie, he's a cookie monster, this one. Who's running it? Is Trump the captain? This is Lieutenant Commander Trump. But you're the president. I'm the president, but right now I'm Lieutenant Commander, and many people are saying that I can do it. I can fly a ship like you wouldn't believe, and I know how to do it. And I can still do my accordion hands. That was good. That was buzzing. All right. Yeah, that was buzzing around. Cut it together. We're not cutting anything out of that. Sponsored by 5R Energy's new... cranberry lime flavor.

25:32Zest up your caffeine game, Dana, with zero sugar shot. To get you through the early morning holiday prep and late night leftovers with as much caffeine as a premium cup of coffee available in stores or online at www.fivehourenergy.com. Five hour energy. Boo! Not four. Alright, next story. We'll get right back into the hot news takes. Let's get these hot takes going. We're like the news. This is the project. Oh, this is an idea of what's going on. Wait, I want to get this guy on, Jeremy Korbel. Hold on, go ahead. This is when all the aliens are coming and they keep mentioning ships are coming.

26:07This is one of the possible plans. The space show's coming. The space show is coming, and this is the last ditch effort. If the electricity goes out, your internet's out, you go outside, you look up at the stars, and then you see this thing, Project Bluebeam. Everything goes just as planned. The big fake space show involving sounds and extremely realistic holograms in the sky using this technology from the public but we know enough about it project artisans will create a worldwide celestial show that mimics second coming of christ this is the other part of project blue beam a lot of people haven't really known about it considered that the appearance of other religious figures depending on the country in which they're displayed different holograms will show and be played in various Buddha pops up.

26:55So they're saying whoever you believe in, in that country pops up, but I have heard that there's an idea that, you know, first of all, Stephen Greer, true or not, was the idea what, you know, all these places already have the spaceships, they reverse engineer, these tic-tacs, these are all ours, 90 % ours, but some are real, but some are ours. That's the idea. Now they're saying, they're going to fake us out with some alien invasion to scare everyone stay in your homes for what reason who's doing this beaming jesus in the sky i can't tell you are they saying it's aliens or it's some company that's doing no they're saying it would we have enough of that uh we we can recreate what some of the spaceships could do so it's us tricking everyone so they can say there's some sort of control aspect is the idea.

27:51But this guy, Jeremy Corbell, was saying that about a year ago, they're going to say there's a spaceship coming soon. It's a false flag. And then they did say there was a spaceship six months later. They go, there's this new Atlas, whatever that means. What if the aliens see these beaming things and go, hey, Brian, let's go to Earth now. I think we can copy that. I know. Believe me. in the sky it's very scary if they were if we don't know that we already have this technology and then they use it we would be like those are obviously aliens it's like you know it's like my dad when i was four before he ran off he said this is how easily tricked people are this is a good analogy he said we said let's play monster with the three boys me brian and andy and he said okay but you davy always gets scared this is me you mean davy maybe so he's in the living room i'm four or five and he goes okay if i play monster i'm going to pretend i'm a monster grab you and just wrestle and tickle you but i'll be on my knees in the living room and i'm like sounds like a blast yeah he goes i go yeah it's fun and he's like i know but you don't quite get it i'm a fake monster but i'm your dad i'm like okay all right i go got it go go go go let's go i want to play monster i'm like this is boring what you're saying he's like okay i'm gonna go fake monster three two one hey guys i'm a monster and i go oh my god he's a monster and he went to grab me and i barely got away and i ran to my mom and i said there's a monster in the living room she's cutting carrots i take the knife i run back and i stab him in the leg and how old are you Five, maybe.

29:36So you didn't understand. Well, when he said fake monster and then you were five, but you thought he was a real monster? Once he switched, I was immediately tricked. You went like hypnotized. Yeah, I go. I get it. I get it. He goes, oh, I'm a monster. I'm like, wait, what? And then so I stabbed him. And then he kept the shorts, Bermuda shorts, for years. It had blood on him. Well, what kind of knife and how deep did it go? I have to ask. It went about 12 inches in. 12 and out the other side. No, it was like that long. And I went, just enough to bear him and go, hey. And then monster time was over.

30:15And it was spanking time. Yeah, to me, that sounds like a blast. In our family, my dad would get like a 10-day growth, like really heavy, sharp whiskers, which I think I mentioned. And he'd look at me. I had three older brothers. Oh, Dan, you love the whiskers. You love the whiskers. And I'm like, oh, here we go Fuck He just throw you down Get on top of you Rub his whiskers into your prepubescent Soft pink skin Four year old face And you're like Drowning in a whiskerdom And then I would take I'd reach out and he had a dumbbell Because he used to just sit No, Dana Hit his head really hard Blood was Oh 12 pound kettlebell oh welcome to our new segment called childhood fun oh my god what do you ever get this number go pick the belt you'd like yeah to get smacked with well yeah we there was one belt but you had multiple belts to pick from yeah he's like anyone i'll let you pick and i'm like and my claws are going which which one wouldn't obviously wouldn't hurt the most but well maybe a cloth one or something try to get one with no big belt buckle but when you're getting spanked on the butt like it all hurts but wouldn't he would he he would fold it and snap it snap it a few times yeah like and the other brothers were like oh boy siblings would gather around then you had to grab your ankles and he'd go okay how many you know and they were looking down suggesting one I know it'll fall on deaf ears but maybe I learned my lesson and we go with zero yeah it wasn't that often but it was memorable that was a different time different time you know it was more it was more of a physical relationship with your parents alright new new story give us a story great cheer them up this is show me your completely useless secret talent okay This is, I guess, five people doing it I'll rank them Completely useless secret talent Oh Oh, that's good Wow, that is high pitched God, I used to be able to do that

32:48That's pretty good She can laugh without opening her mouth Is that real? Show me your completely useless secret talent