Robby Hoffman Could Make David Hot

27:43Never. And then you go, Oh, and the AC is broken. Oh, and the lights. There's so many newfangled things i just miss i miss light switches i wrote them i took it all the way to dimmers and then now i'm out i don't want it to go past dimmers because it gets so complicated with keyboards and shit with everything and it's going worse it's harder we have enough inventions stop stop i like a house a little more simple couple rooms that's why i like an old car i drive a 25 year old car i do A Porsche, mind you, but I like a technical, like, you know, I watch this, this, this, I watch this. It's my grail car and I've been working up to it for 10 years, trading up for it.

28:25So I'm really still excited about it. I've had it for a few years, but I still love it. And I will love it until, you know, the wheels fall off, so to speak. But I watched this program called Surviving Death. This was a clinical look at the science of death for the first time. They had neurologists and psychologists and just really, really fascinating documentary. Yeah, no, they had like near-death experiences and reincarnation. And the big takeaway from this series was that it was all about our time is limited. You know, like our time is limited. So find out what's, you know, the material world is fleeting.

29:05Find out what's important and really hang on to that. relationships and love and stuff like that but my takeaway was like if the material world is fleeting let me have stuff while i can yeah not too much but a couple good things i like going in the car and moving the ac like this and the clickety and i like the tactileness of life i like touching things and being with things so the removal of that i don't know it's so antithesis of the human connection. Why is it all those pads? We didn't really... People like a button. Even when you're a kid and you run to the elevator, you want to press the button.

29:44That feeling never goes away to press a button. How about you get in a car and they have a 48-inch screen that's bigger than the one I have in my house and you're like, I can't just see the road. It's like, deesh, deesh, deesh, deesh. I don't know what's going on. Steve Jobs would roll over. Roll over. He saw the Tesla with the tacked on iPad because he would say, we're not even putting out till it's integrated into the dash. Thank you. Ghetto. Yeah. You know, Steve Jobs be rolling in his turtleneck. It would be backwards. He really would. And it wouldn't be able to tell. It's crazy what we've done.

30:20Dana Carvey:aren't we just between the software revolution and these kinds of you know the phone and then ai we're going to be able to just talk conversationally and everything will be fixed to a fake person hey fix this air conditioner you know aren't you really heavily yeah what ai is all the rage good if they do get personal like i do i mean we might have to cut a lot from this podcast Like the only, like they, they, they showed that AI robot. So mixing both the material with the AI functions, obviously. I feel like it could be good for like pedophiles. You give them like a kid robot. He could be like a hot, whatever.

31:02You say go to town. Or like a Chambonet Ramsey type of, fine. You give it to the pedophiles. We don't want them out here. You give them, you want the Chambonet, you want the Macaulay, whichever one you want. I don't know. Yeah. Unless they're robots. Circa Home Alone 1. Yeah. I think there could be, but beyond that, the function of them seems just terrifying. I don't know if that's the first question. Well, that's true. It is a threat. We've seen the movies. That's the only application I can see it being helpful towards society. I found one. By the way, they're really kind of wasting time before the old curing cancer.

31:39It's like a lot of a bunch of bullshit. I know. It's like, come on, guys. That's the number one. They're building the data centers. Just wait. Data center out of the blue. they're like oh by the way we have a thousand data centers we need to go huh they need to stack so

31:52Dana Carvey:many chips in this thing and then you plug it into something you're going to get a super brain it's going to solve energy about money for a sec yeah i love to talk about that money let's say in a checking account or no all in investments or you have some money in a checking account there's always some free cash but mostly it's invested are you and and you don't it's not like we mostly don't keep physical cash you have it digitally right i have i have a friend who has 200 200 000 cash in his closet but i don't keep that much i feel like i'm trying to do that because don't you think that like warfare besides it being chemical warfare like gases and nuclear war there's going to be digital warfare yeah that's the problem there's more possibility of that it's all on a screen isn't that terrifying though of course that's why they make us go to that and that's the first thing they flip a switch they go we want your cars all electric then they just unplug them you go literally well then they're listening to us and studying us like insects but yeah i look at my screen and i'll see what i have in the and investments but one day i to wake up and it says zero but we have a business manager it is psycho it's real what happens if you one day armageddon you can't wake up your john bonnet robot well i know for those people i mean and by the way rest in peace okay i'm not i don't know you're not i'm trying to think of a you know what's their pinup you know if that's you know what's the i'm a lesbian what's my what's my pin-up you know maybe so that's what i'm trying to think i don't know who they like but i would start with with those two dolls and and we could just see how they sell yeah i like it as a business plan i think shark tank you could at least present shark we all see at least like this never oh my god sharks guess what we came up with okay this episode will get us yeah no listen we were talking about this and you're getting in trouble.

34:03I might actually one day wake up and something will actually get me in trouble. This could be it with the fellas. No, no. What about bisexual guys? What about, are you thinking about it? No, I was thinking that I thought you kind of, I thought your thoughts were maybe there's no such thing as bisexual. Well, even if you're a bisexual woman, my thought is this women aren't into it. i would think that you mean if you're in a eye and you say i want to date you just so you know i also date dudes yeah women don't want that i don't for the most part i would agree there's a lot of emo i said in my act of the day i go i'm over 40 but the only good thing about me is you know i'm straight and when you say under 40 i feel like these actors and actors who go i dated this guy for a year and i guess he's gay and you go it's a it's always a little blurrier now and then when you get up to like old guys they go well at least i know i mean i'm not great that's my motto we don't need to know everything about you so if you're bisexual women don't like them first of all we don't need men in self-discovery necessarily we know a lot about you you've been at the helm of systems for centuries you've created a lot of the world we hear you you have you've had your shot yeah okay women are now to be like like like let them do some imprint let them talk to sexuality and all this because they don't we don't really we're kind of sick of it coming like men have had a big run a big go at things you don't need to know bisexual anything further about you.

35:48That is something. Men are done. It's like my little sister Yehudas always says, she was invited to a bachelorette at Disney and she said, if you're a grown-up who likes Disney, there's some things you keep to yourself. Such thing is a private life. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with having a bit of a private life. Not everybody needs to know everything. It's kind of gone these days. I'm completely mysterious. talking about night and you go the the fbi couldn't get this out of me with a gun to my head and they're like anyways on my period i threw my tampon at the guy and we're like what are you talking about why are you telling him the world this and you get like it's got like 900 clicks you're like 900 likes for this and you're it's so see that i would share i don't mind when women overshare i do mind when men well it's all me traditional call me you know i call me you know i i'm literally i'm a victim of the patriarchy but i don't mind when women overshare when men overshare i feel like calling the police like i don't need a man oversharing like women own oversharing like that's our thing so you know what i mean i'm how would you find

37:02Dana Carvey:How would you define masculinity? I couldn't. You couldn't. It's a photo of me. I couldn't define it, but I know when I'm not liking something of it. That's a good way to put it. Can you kind of feel how much women are winning in America? As far as college, advanced college degrees. Yeah, but college was a scam. Well, I agree with that. back it up to the yeah that's getting scammier by the day oh my god college is is done i don't even want my do you have a girl you have a daughter who's college age did she go exactly we're talking about it we're talking about college now i have to look even sharper going what is this college all about what do they teach i never had my eye on the ball does she want to go to college i think she does now yeah she didn't for a little bit now yeah what's she gonna do i mean her dad She doesn't really have to do much.

38:03I'm a closed book. Well, she does want to go. She doesn't want to act because I'm sure this is another thing is like I could probably wiggle her way into a line or two and something. But it's just such a false premise of how showbiz is. It's so it's funny because parents usually don't want their kids to be in the business they're in because they know all the secrets. And so I'd rather have her go. You should be a carpenter, even though I'm sure they would say never. It's a horrible life. but I don't know about it. But when you say showbiz, you go a cute girl and it's just a tough biz anyway. And it's sort of having a lot of trouble lately.

38:4110 years ago, it was a little more of a heyday with showbiz, more production, more of this, more of that. Now there's more people I know broke from it and you go,

38:49Dana Carvey:no, it's terrible. It was being Robbie writing and doing all this stuff. You just went at it in a different angle. You weren't waiting to get hired. If you're a standup, then you're in charge of that. that then you're writing i have to i have to make like take care of one person you know i've told my little sister when she you know moved out we all moved out sort of early you know um maybe 18 19 20 and uh i don't know she was going through it and i was like you know and it's a thankless job like you're in school you're working you're just because you don't have a baby doesn't mean you're only dependent you actually have a 19 year old dependent it's you you have to make sure you're well fed you're fulfilled you're all this stuff so i've always had that mentality of i have to take it like if i can just make enough money like no kids like this i just need to make a little business i need to make just to cover me and it's very very difficult but more manageable if i could oh how can i get two thousand dollars doing this and i'll try that like and i would always get it together by really thinking about what can I bring in?

39:58And also, you know, but you need all of it. You need luck, talent, and hard work. You need all of it. Also, you are a road hog. I don't know if you're a road hog. You're on the road right now, I think. But I go on the road because, and I talked to Mulaney about this because I see him adding dates. I start to worry about him because he's a great stand up. He's a monster on the road. but I go, dude, are you taking enough time to just take it easy on your body? All the flying. I mean, I know he's got an extravagant way to go around in nice hotels, but it's still a beating. So, but he's like, it's the only job nowadays that you can say, I show up, they give you money.

40:36And 90 % of this, 99 % of this career is like a movie. Oh, it got pushed. Oh, I got money to write it but they never did it oh this pilot's not picked up so to say i book 10 gigs now i know if i just show up and do it i get money that night or whatever that's what people are liking about stand-up now they're when in doubt like i go i've always had both i've always i've always just not stacked too many things in one basket because i am the person who would be drained by that my tour is very leisurely the first leg of it we did eight cities i'm now doing 18 which feels insane to me um but it's 18 over six months really like i don't i do one or two weekends and then i'm home for two weeks because i'm acting or writing and yes i might not make immediate money now on this thing but everything but if you can cover everything yeah that all is out here yeah you want i i'm trying to say anything we're developing a animated joe dirt show hopefully that works we're doing writing a movie with dan levy and then you've got the movie i'm doing right now but this one takes a while to put together just to do it now and then we do this or that you're just throwing everything against the wall because you just don't know so many things fall through yeah and i'm happy that i've had like a long like time to like develop skills and like oh when i start writing like i take that very seriously when i'm doing that when i do stand-up I take that very seriously.

42:04I'm doing a few. I'm not doing many things. You know, I don't post clips and I'm not somebody like that. And I respect people whose game is that and they do that well. But what I do do, I try and do very well. I do a few things at an expert level and just by honing in on those. But I'm grateful that it's come on slowly. It's kind of like when you think of sometimes you have an idea and it's just a tweet. Sometimes you have an idea and it's a bit for stand-up. Sometimes I have an idea and it's a feature. Sometimes I have an idea, it's a script. okay and then they have different immediacies right if i have a joke idea i can go to the store tonight i can run that immediate feedback if i have a script i might not if that's a that's a longer game oh yeah everything i do gives me something different people used to ask me do i prefer to write in a room or write my own stuff when i'm in a room it's different i don't give a fuck i throw out ideas i'll have if you don't like these ideas i'll have 10 more tomorrow right i'm not personal about it my own show i am a little more personal i am more involved i do feel married to ideas a little bit more i i care about things work so it's nice to toggle i think for me the difference is i do like i'll do the road and then i'll be home and i'll have deliveries due on writing or i'll be acting and it's nice to for somebody like malenian i don't want to speak to him yeah and he's totally right in his what works what works for him works for him he also is very open with his like addiction and you know he's been very vulnerable talking about all that stuff i think for people like that like this is a very good regimen for somebody like that like to us it looks crazy right i get what he's doing somebody like him who's like you know i've never done drugs so i don't know but for somebody like that maybe that is the way to keep right your your days are busy sure you go there you're paid you provide for your family it's a nice it's kind of like my brother had one of my brothers has some mental illness and he's like religious again now he's not maybe the most but it keeps him up he has to pray then he has to put his shoes there is something to to what he's doing for him that i think works on a deeper level I agree that you know we all find our own way to work also it's very tough like I'm saying also I couldn't do it I that's a young man's game no same it's not for me road for across the country for 75 bucks I would do anything and I'm just flying in shitty hotels and 20 30 years of that shit and then you go I gotta sort of pick and choose a little bit uh and it's still hard when I go out because you know when you pay when you're playing Chattanooga and Mobile and you're doing a little smaller good cities but they don't have a huge hotel you just go i gotta it sucks the shit holes chattanooga fuck you i love you but you know you live in a dump

45:01Dana Carvey:i grew up in a dump it is what it is that's your next special chattanooga fuck you but you can't be sitting in chattanooga and be like this is the greatest city in the world you know it's not we know it's not let's be honest you know you're in a good city I can't believe you came here. Thank you for coming to our Chili's. Exactly. Exactly. They know it. And they're going to take it. Think back to the classic treats that made hot days instantly better. You know, the ones who would stand in line at the pool, no matter how hot it was outside. Now, imagine taking that unbelievable taste everywhere you go.

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47:07it would be exhausting for me but it's kind of like when people who don't do stand-up or don't do what they do they go how do you do that aren't you so scared every day like and i go for me having a one-on-one with you is a worse time than me being on stage and feeling the worst going on a date is a worse time than doing an hour in front of strangers it's like for me it's i'm very natural it feels it doesn't feel like a push it feels like so natural so for different people, even though, yes, we're all standups and we're all artists and we're all what we have our own ways of doing things that feel more natural to us.

47:42So when I see somebody with a different process, for instance, I have friends who blew up with clips and I really respect them. You know, I see other people shitting on them. Everything's online. I am all about, if you figured out how to get your bag, however you did it, I know how hard it is. So they do something totally different than me we're both comedians but they maybe do a ton of crowd work clips that get them huge audiences and all that stuff and it's maybe not what i do but i respect what they do for them i may not i could never do it but it doesn't mean they can't right i think nate is probably got the best non crowd work clips that pushed him to another dimension because he's doing his real act but he will write another hour and that's the hard part and the pressure of like burning a great joke joke online and going in my head i want to see that when i go see him but to the general consensus out in la it's like you have to just write a whole new act i'm like but what about those jokes everyone loves like songs you go fuck i gotta give a new one because i've seen people do new stuff and i'm like well i wish they did the ones i remember but you know what i'm also maybe i don't know nate's process so much i met him and he was so kind so that's all i can say about him yeah but um i've actually met him twice and he was so kind both times which he didn't have to be but you know you kind of don't expect people to be kind anymore but when they are it is lovely um uh and i don't know i guess i do write a lot also um so maybe it's not as hard for like Like maybe he throws things up and he also, like, I always have ideas.

49:27And when I don't have ideas, like I don't need to do, like, I haven't worked it. So I need to have a new, like when stuff comes to me, it comes to me, you know, and then it's ready. Like I don't push anything necessarily. I guess some people do. It eventually turns into a new act because you're just doing, you're adding and then you lose a bit you're sick of, you know, you're not doing your bit about the space shuttle anymore. when the past died. You finally got rid of that one. But also I don't have that other element of like the clipping and everything. So it's like to see me, you have to see me or you wait till it's a special or something.

50:01So I also accidentally, that worked out for me. It seemed like stupid. You know, people were like, Rob, you should clip this. Like I have friends who make clips and they're like, Robby, let me clip this for you. This is going to go. And I'm like, forget it. As soon as I know the camera's on me, I'm going to be nervous. I don't like it. I don't like it. And even though I do it all the time at the camp, I'm still more nervous. I still don't like it. I never got used to it in the back. It's like running on the treadmill. I never got used to it. No, I don't get a runner's high. I don't have any of that.

50:34I could do it for six months straight and hate it every single time. I never like it. I will do it, but it does not get easier for me. Right. so so so that's how i feel about you know i don't know how we well and you got your specials so would you still you still do stuff from your special don't you because it's good no that's in the you have a new hour that you're going to be doing but by the time i had my special

51:03Dana Carvey:i had three hours oh really like like i also haven't put anything out okay yeah so so and i think a lot and the world is changing a lot there's always stuff to talk about and it this is the perfect job for me because i talk too much i do have too many thoughts i have an opinion about everything whether i know about it or not what are the topics of your current set because the topics of this set were very uh provocative yeah so your current you'll come see you'll see what cities are you in are you are you playing any because in the uh casinos we're we're in a lot of places where i don't even know you don't know what you're talking about Hold on.

51:47I'm getting it up.

51:47Dana Carvey:It's online. Are you looking for your tour dates? Okay. Have the rooms gotten bigger? Okay. They're massive now. And I'm doing whatever shows I can. Remember, I am one person. No, I'm not adding a sixth show. Okay. So get the tickets. Do you bring anyone to open? No. Whoever's there can come open. Okay. I'm in Newark. It's sold out. I'm in Nirvana, there's a few tickets. Nirvana? In Illinois. Maryland, Columbia, it's a festival. East Hampton sold out. Chicago sold out. Milwaukee sold out. Chicago sold out. Chicago sold out. Okay, relax. Michigan, Detroit sold out. There's a few tickets to the second show.

52:32I'm in Durham. Low ticket warning. North Carolina. This doesn't sound like eight. Durham, there's a few tickets. Well, there's a few tickets. They never say anything higher. They never say lots of tickets.

52:44Dana Carvey:What are these 300 seaters? Because your special was a 300 seat. No. Yeah, the special was a 300 and even. What are you up to now? Are you in Chicago theater? That's 3 ,000. Yeah, I do about three, three to five now. Five? Wow. Well, it depends how big the venue is. It's funny because when I did my special, Dana, they go, I said I want to do it Largo or something. They go, no, do it in a big theater to show people. I sell out theaters. I go, it doesn't matter. People will come or they won't. They don't have to go. Well, I thought that I could get 300 in my special, but actually the cameras took up so much.

53:18I know. It was like a hundred. It really just, I couldn't believe it. And it felt so last minute. And I was like, oh my God, like there's not, like, I can't believe we're losing so many people because of the cameras.

53:30Dana Carvey:Right. It worked. I thought it looked good. In the end, they did a really good job. And I think we pushed out two of the cameras. Good laugh track. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Right away. somebody did say um you know what's annoying me is the laugh track on this or whatever there was no that's how much laughs i was getting so i'm just letting you know if you do a special you get a good crowd it's almost impossible to get your best crowd on a tape night we've always talked about this there was uh so you know there's laughter are really good though to me but you got some some real pops and that sounds different you can't fake the real pops of audience laughter it's sort of a kind of guttural next level kind of stuff.

54:11Dana Carvey:I put these laughs in mine after every joke. Anyway, I don't see any problems in your life. You seem like you're at a 10. I really am living one of the greatest lives I've heard about recently and it happens to be mine. I'm very grateful. I love that. I'm very grateful. I always wanted such a good life. You're going to get your weights. Things are going to all start doing. Was your childhood really that difficult or is it just sort of fanciful to say it was a time it was a shithole my mother was a single mother of 10 kids but i will say that i 10 kids i know i know i read but i was but but but i did think like i gotta get to if by 30 i'll know if i'm good or not like now i'm well into my 30s but no but if i'm okay financially or if i if i'm still poor on welfare things like this and then i i already knew at 30 like oh oh my God, I'm having such a good life.

55:03I wasn't on welfare. So it was a really good sign. Yeah. I have an observation about growing up when you, it's funny because I see these people, when I grew up, I was kind of broke and I had these families that were broke and I thought they were rich because they had so much shit in their house, but they're just like hoarders. There's a difference. That's why it's like when you go, I got a lot of stuff in the house. It's not always a good thing. Sometimes these houses in Beverly Hills are like, it's like a pillow fucking story it's just like pillows you're walking through someone's house going holy fuck there's nowhere to ruin there's nowhere to go because they've over the years have accumulated so much furniture and stuff you something my house is more airy now it's like holy shit i just want to walk around like a loft or something my question is this whose house nicest house you've seen it's a good question give me 10 minutes hold on uh that i've been in like uh ted saran does wouldn't it be yeah he had a great one when i went and tried to write stuff for ellen's special i went to her house and she had a big fat juicy house she actually has amazing house taste her decor also my favorite and david have what i told you first and i'll say it here it's worth ending on you were my favorite guy you were so good on ellen's show all the time

56:21Dana Carvey:Yeah, that's true. You were really good on, like, I know that, like, okay, being a guest on a show, but it's like, yeah, there's thousands of guests. And you were always the funny, like, she would have her, I love watching her laugh. Yeah, she was a great crowd for me. She would just say, come on, I don't want to do anything. I'm just going to ask you one thing and just talk for 15 minutes. And those are hard because you have to come up with at least scenarios to talk about. And they have great storytelling and kind of these little throwaways, slightly self-deprecating. You just got on a real frequency with Ellen.

57:01I still watch those interviews because you find them on YouTube. And they're so like, if somebody doesn't know, like, oh, what's Spade up to? I will show them that. And they're like, wow, he's so funny. That's so nice. I'm like, it's crazy. At minute 54, a compliment. He's just coming on. Yeah. See? Thank you. Let's go shopping one day. You know what? I haven't been to the Beverly Center. I think she could help you. Beverly Center is perfect. And they have a food court now. They have a foot locker there. We can go.

57:29Dana Carvey:It doesn't good quality. No, they have a food court. Hey, man, I see kind of a budding friendship here. I know. I am friends with Robbie. I have to say, I haven't known her long, but it did crack me up that on day one, she was making fun of my shoes backstage in front of witnesses. Power players. You want to meet people and you want to look up to them. You know, you're somebody I looked up to. Tommy boy. dude why did you know like joe i remember you know what i mean yes and so you want to meet them and you want them to be living good lives yeah right like you want to go like sort of went a different look how good his life is right and then when i see this show i go what's your fucking like what the fuck i want to help somebody help why is no one in the green room why can't he have a shoe on his fucking foot why do i have to get here and meet idols and they're not living like idols how can i dream i know he's still fucking homeless shoe how can i dream what hope is there for me disappointment in your eyes when you scan me everything was going great and you go what the fuck it was like slow motion like what the fuck get in the fucking shopping with you everyone piled on when you said that it was everyone couldn't wait to start jumping on me about it Because it's like your life will be like, like you could be better so easily.

58:45And it's crazy. It's such an easy fix. You could be better. But you choose not to. I love it. I will take this in some positive way. I don't know how, but I will. It's like my sister told me about makeup. It's like you, but better. It really affected me. It really affected me. I can't even tell you have makeup on right now, by the way. No, I'm saying when I do shows, I'll put blush so the camera sees me. She's like, it's you, but better. I like that. That's a great way. That should be a commercial. That's a good way. All right, we're going to let you go. Your special is Wake Up on Netflix. Pleasure meeting you.

59:28Wake Up, Netflix. Robbie Hoffman.com for tickets.

59:31Dana Carvey:Robbie Hoffman. Rooster with Steve Carell. Rooster going back for another season. Very exciting. Hacks, Emmy nominated Emmy nominated for Hacks Six Lines Emmy nominated Shut up, that's unfair to real people Wake Up is on Netflix Wake Up, Netflix I'm very intimidated and so excited to be with you guys today and I've wanted to do this for a while and low-key been dropping it to David whenever I see him so I'm happy that it finally happened It was high-key by the way It was very easy, it was great please don't hang up right away yeah okay okay I'm not hanging up okay I've been walking away love to all of you Robbie Hoffman on Instagram for news thank you

1:00:22alright listen if you're enjoying the fly on the wall of course hopefully you are click follow we don't want to be desperate but obviously smash that god dang button on your favorite podcast app leave a review a good one Leave a five star rating Nothing else Whoops And maybe even share an episode With a friend If you're watching this episode On YouTube Please Subscribe Dana What do you think?

1:00:47Dana Carvey:I'm gonna tell you this right now Hear me now Believe me later Fly on the wall Believe it or not Is presented by Odyssey And executive produced by Hold for it Dana Carvey and David Spade Or David Spade and Dana Carvey We don't write this stuff Heather Santoro Greg Holtzman and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweetech. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lepore.