SNL’s The Reality Show? & Megastars David Met at the Canelo–Crawford Fight

0:00Okay, Dana, let's start with a frickin' bang. Here we go. I got - Can't believe it. What's happening today? Yoo-hee-ho-hee. What is happening? Literally anything?

0:12Dana Carvey:What's going on? It's raining. Maybe everything. I want to say it's raining. That'll really get viewers. That's real clickable. Now, what can I tell you just quickly about - oh we had a funny story about a guest we had recently had a driver come to my house we don't always do them in the studio here but this unknown guest had a driver said can i use your potty and so we let him in and 28 minutes later he came out wow Maybe he's doing fucking Sudoku That's I mean what do you do Then he comes out like this Anyway That's hard Excuse me but what were you doing in there Excuse me I do a Garth Excuse me I'd like to get some information About what you were doing in there I saw something seeping out from under the door I didn't know what it was It was just smoke I thought you know i have you ever had this actually when i'm on the road we were talking about this when you go to a restaurant and if people know you're there one of the challenges is they follow you to the bathroom to get a picture and and then nicely they wait but if it's that one in a million when you're in there for 45 minutes you come out and there's sleep on the wall they wake up oh they get up off the carpet hey yeah i forget wait why was i here oh um i'm sorry i'm so blurry i fell asleep um all right you were gonna run into the bathroom and i was gonna take a picture and i'm like oh i don't get that kind of fan attention i mean they follow you home they follow you to the bathroom where aren't they following you you're like the beatles coming off for ed salvage no i think in the back i think in restaurants it's it's unusually common to follow you there and then just to be in there.

2:19Wait outside. Or pee next to you and just go, I thought it was you. And I'm like, will you hold this while we take a selfie? They're like, oh, you're a wiener? Okay, let me just try to. Hang on. Okay, let me just grab that.

2:35Dana Carvey:I don't know. Some people like to have heavy, cool, fun, informative conversations at a mail urinal in a public restroom. But for me, it's not like a, I don't see it as a social situation, like a time to make friends like you do. Time to get to know your friends. That's how I meet people. Yeah, you hang out in the bathroom. There are people who just hang out. I don't know if you've ever been at a gym in the locker room. Usually it was guys, older guys would just strip naked and then just walk around. They had nowhere to go, nothing to do. You just did not want to bump into them. Yeah, I mean, I've got a guy in the gym, fully naked, leg up on the bench with a blow dryer, drying his nutsack going, any new movies?

3:29I do. The one I don't like is going to a baseball game when there's the urinal trough.

3:37Dana Carvey:I don't like that. That feels kind of like just a primitive game. You're in some kind of club that urinates together. There's no demarcation. There's no splash guard. There's no privacy. There's no door. There's just 300 guys doing their business. And there's guys on the other side of the troughs here all peeing in it sometimes. I've been in all kinds of troughs. I used to design troughs. And some people, they finish peeing and then they just stand there and hang out. And they go, what's up? How do you think the game's going? This is usually at sporting events. It's for expediency. You can't go the individual.

4:22Dana Carvey:Guess what? This is kind of a fun fact. I was in London once. Go ahead. Went to a play in London. Oh. And I thought, you know, that, that, and they're up there. It's a real breeze. Oh, I don't know about you. Oh, I'll shoot you in the head if you say that again. Anyway, during the intermission, go to the bathroom. they have lined up on both sides of the wall, 25 urinals on one side, 25 on the other. What do you do? Just go to the one that has more guys there? Well, most people drink alcohol and want to do that. I know this is like our first biologic beginning. It's our first five minutes. So they only have two stalls and 40 urinals because they know generally speaking, people have done the other thing before they can.

5:09People don't like to do it in public. No one likes to do it in public It's just a matter of emergency

5:14Dana Carvey:And if you do like to do it publicly You have an issue Yeah, there's a problem Yeah, it's a problem So I'm glad we got this I don't know how you got on this topic I will say Since just in brief SNL news Our friend Ego had left And that was sort of That bomb dropped right after There was a wave of people leaving And she sort of waited a beat Probably sussed out the situation And said, you know what? There's new people. Maybe it's time for me to go. She had a good run. Yeah. She's very good on it. She's really charismatic, a star, incredibly sweet, super talented. And now that I've had a few days after our hot take on the SNL shakeup, it's okay to do seven or eight years because it's not like leaving in 89 or 90 or something.

6:08Dana Carvey:there are so many live streamings there's so many do-it-yourself on youtube there's films i mean yeah there's so many ways to continue your career and heidi gardner would be an example of one of them and a lot of these cast members it's it's okay you know there's a lot more going on i mean i when we left it was either a tv show or a movie there wasn't much in between there was not much else that you could stay busy at even stand-up a touring stand-up did not make the money that people do now. Not even close. Not like that. It was like to make a living, you could go on the road a lot and just not break even.

6:46You'd make some beans.

6:48Dana Carvey:I mean, probably the greatest example is I think Ben Stiller did six months or something. Yeah, he had a quick run, yeah. Yeah, and then he's Ben Stiller. So enough said. And Jim Carrey auditioned. Nah, I don't think so. Shane Gillis did approximately zero. Shane Gillis you take your talent and get out of here No that's the Lord didn't say that He called him did you land you get your hotel yes Okay order some soup and then you have to go You have a hard out at noon That being said the four people coming in in such a different circumstance in 2025 I just I root for them and I think that Welcome to the jungle Welcome to the jungle Oh, you're going to want to walk.

7:36It's like Gladiator. Are you not entertained?

7:40Dana Carvey:I know. I've always said that. I mean, there's three lanes of Saturday Night Live. One of the lanes is funny people doing sketches making you laugh. The other lane is seeing a football player or a film star, actress, or actor try to do sketch comedy for our. And the third lane is seeing someone you know that's brand new to sketch comedy, brand new to Saturday Night Live. attempting to go out there and land it and be relaxed when you've got 20 cast members so it's quite a reality show um and how long will lauren stay you know i wish they would do a show where they did behind the scenes of the week and so like you know a reality show heidi would come off a sketch go in a room do a testimonial or rehearsal how'd it go where do you think your chances are with the sketch you're going to wigs which wig do you pick how do you pick it and do all that and then you're going to catch some some drama some arguments some tension and all the chaos that goes behind the scenes even just during the week right before the show there's a lot going on have they ever done one show like that sweating it out after read through waiting like everyone hanging out by the door like little bees going not only figured out yet Can we go in there?

8:58Dana Carvey:It's the most high pressured week of your life. You've got a behind the scenes camera in your face the whole time. Make it harder, man. But then people will start liking you based on that on top of sketches or they like different people the way they handle the week. Like we would wait outside Lauren's door. Now we do read through. They all walk in there. Downey, Frank and Smigel, host, Lauren. They're going to pick all the sketches. we'd be hanging out talking to alice or aaron going so what's going on like no reason to be there so and then when the door cracks you go like that because you can't see the wall with all the cards and what they're picking but they're like and what did you think about slam and you go and then they'll say um can you send uh the turners in which are writers can you send smith can you send this writer in and you go oh they're talking about that sketch oh they're It's considering it.

9:51That's a little nugget of information.

9:54Dana Carvey:I know. Well, I would always go up there and they'd say, Lawrence, and I would just go in. You know, I go, I'm just going to go in. Never in a trillion years. So then Lauren and I would hang out, discuss the cast and the show. And what do you think of this person and that person? You'd take popcorn and go like this in the back of the room. And then Lauren would put up the sketch and you'd go, I wouldn't. And they'd go, oh, you don't like that thing? Lauren only did it in front of me. Dana I don't like to do this because it's a distraction But he would take three or four kernels Of popcorn and juggle them And then eat them Oh watch Dana and I blow it up It's the way I do it when no one's looking Sometimes he would take popcorn And put it in each cheek and go I'm like Marlon Brando Well that's why he would Turn around and then he would stick One kernel on each tooth And he'd come back and go Dana I'm a scary monster He doesn't do an impression yeah yeah well i'm a scary monster and he had popcorn teeth it was hysterical yeah it's so funny i would laugh every time oh i also went to a fight this weekend i went to the canelo guy you get your life is so cool i didn't get the memo i don't know you could just go there no i stupidly was in vegas with nikki glazer about a week ago and i got an invite to go to it and i go i don't think i can go because it's my only weekend off and i was gonna do some things and then i was like oh my god because they didn't want to come right back to vegas and then i gotta go right back to chicago so i go well and then i go oh this is gonna be such a big fight and it's at a football stadium i go i gotta try it so here i am scraping and scratching my invite back which was some tough texting oh okay because then they they you were so two days ago and they've already filled in the seats yeah so because i didn't see you on the movie star cam no i didn't see you were you in the nosebleeds or halfway down the nose wasn't nosebleeds it was um i didn't get an answer right when i said hey good news and i put in parentheses for you i can go and i said so if there's any because netflix was doing it so i said if if there's any sarandos your buddy there's any room let me know and then about four days later i said listen if my uh seat got taken from someone from the summer i turned pretty it's okay i understand how it works over there and then nothing and then it was so cringy and then was it just you or you plus one just me saying i was just gonna go i didn't know it's such a big event i honestly thought it's like when a couple people go to a fight and they get four seats together and they go hey so the night before they're like hey are you going or you can't go or what's the latest i go i could it's tomorrow i'm just gonna go watch it no no no get out here let's go so i went out late 5 30 go go straight to the fight and it's like all these well-known people there i mean they really netflix it was netflix i didn't realize that either before that so there it's 68 ,000 people.

13:05The most people at a fight.

13:07Dana Carvey:I thought it was 71, but it broke the record. No, I counted. I counted. I was at the top step, stop chair. I got sources. You do? Anyway, it was a huge fight because Canelo is a Mexican fighter with red hair. He's cool. He's an all-time great versus Crawford. Crawford came up 14 pounds. You didn't know Canelo's really got this bull neck I love you didn't know Canelo's strong you didn't know He had a good left and a bob And an inside he could do the Shell thing this defense You know the Tyson he does combos You didn't know There's so much you don't know you go to a sporting Event look at her she's cute could I get Some popcorn ha ha ha I'm at a football game oh wait why are people boxing Yeah you know You're not into the fight you don't have a scorecard I don't know what's going on.

14:02You don't know. What about Canelo only fights on Mexican holidays? Cinco de Mayo. And this was a holiday weekend. And everybody came out because they would boo Crawford when they showed him in the green room. I called the green room.

14:18Dana Carvey:I did not know that. I didn't know that. And so I still had good seats, but I wasn't. actually they walk me down and everyone i flew with out there has the great seats and they're like i'm like oh that's right i was a last minute add-on so i had the end seat on a row but who's next to me you'll never guess he has a big documentary out now and he's on the show in about two charlie sheen charlie sheen yeah chuck is next to you yeah oh and the funniest part was you know we're all jammed in like stardines and it's um charlie sheen michael ervin to keep it weird he's great football player i want an assortment pack yeah and then it'd be in front of me marsh john lynch whose head is maybe this big because i can't see yeah he yeah he was large funny guy though uh he's uh you know bigger than average you big meat small can't see fight yeah Don't like to be punched in the face.

15:21Maybe put dreadlocks on the top.

15:24Dana Carvey:No, you're a wonderful football player. No, you're a beautiful, intelligent woman. Giant digits suppressing my office. Jeremy Renner. The list goes on. David Zaslav, of all people. You're kidding. Power broker. Big, big, big. And then Ted, Chappelle, Charlize Thurston. Just all the way down. Great time. Great people. Nowhere near me. so I am sitting with Charlie and the first thing I see is Michael Urban has got his legs over talking behind himself because there's people behind us right so he's talking and Charlie's like this so I walk up and they go right here and I go Charlie oh and he goes hey all right are you sitting here I go yeah and he stands up and he goes this guy has no spatial awareness what a funny thing to say right off the bat i go oh is that michael ervin he goes yeah his his legs are on my legs i'm like well i know we'll figure it out fight hasn't even we're on the fight before the big fight of course i come a little late so here we go lucky to say hey this guy's in my space would you mind beating him up for me say something.

16:41Dana Carvey:Yeah, you're witty. You could put him down. Go ahead. He goes, I like it's me and you over here. I know Charlie in passing. You'd think maybe I know him more. I don't know him. There was a time that my, I worked on Rules of Engagement. Oh my God, a couple of people remember. Thank you. And Rules of Engagement, the head writer, creator was Tom Hertz. Good guy. He came off of Two and a Half Men to do our show so when charlie's going through it which you're we're both going to see the documentary by the time he comes on but when he's going through the craziest which we know a lot of not all of them just from reading the paper right so he's fighting with les moonbez at cbs and it is bad 100 million dollar lawsuit whatever it was he was charlie was making so much money two million dollars an episode sickening and then he was not coming to work and i'm like oh my god is he gonna lose this job so i think les just says i've had it with you're off and everyone's like wow are they gonna continue without him so i see tom hurts and he goes listen is there any way because our show had just finished which is there a world where you would do a show with charlie and i said well he said for cbs i go well i i sound like charlie i i don't see Les Moonbez loving this idea.

18:09I think this is a dead end. And he goes, no, I already talked to him. I was like, wow. Wow. Because Les, he goes, Les knows what's going to get big ratings. I was like, that is crazy if Charlie came back. So I see Charlie maybe a week later. And I walked by him at this hotel. And I go, oh, hey, man, how you doing? He goes, hey. And he goes, hey, have you heard a little secret rumor about us? And I go, I did. And he goes, that could be fun. And I go, yeah, I guess we're going to hear about it. He goes, okay. So that was it. Three days later, some health news comes out about Charlie and it sort of stopped it.

18:53It took the wind out of everything. It took a little wind out of the sails. And I hope that being said, I think if it was HIV, I think there's way more people living with that right now than before. So you could treat it. And obviously Magic Johnson was sort of the poster child for all that. And he's doing fine. So I don't know, he's doing fine. He's out there doing his life.

19:18Dana Carvey:Oh no, they can make the virus just essentially imperceptible. You're not contagious. You're not symptomatic. So what happened, the tragedy of before this, but Michael magic came out. The technology, it was just there in a medicinal way. And here he is. But, you know, I think it's, it sounds scary to people. So it's, it's probably less, there's probably way more going on. Well, you don't want to get it. No. They have antiviral, you know, medications that. Sure. It's not a death sentence. Now, if there was a medication to keep you away, that would be interesting. Well, I'm remote right now. I wanted to be in the studio and you have it in your contract.

20:03Dana Carvey:I got it. You can only do three a year. At least I got to have two days away from that guy because he won't shut up about how big the church lady was. He will not shut his mouth. I have to say, Charlie was excited to come on and he knew I'm coming on soon on your show. And he said, I don't think I met Dana. And I said, Dana's happy to have. He's excited. He liked that. Everyone's a fan of you. uh so we talked to people there tyson was there of course uh you just know those fights are jam-packed and there was a uh the guy that put the money for the fight the promoter was from saudi arabia i think he's also doing this new fanatics like football he is throwing money around you know there's doing the comedy festival i don't know if that's him but they were telling me this guy and he had ringside like here's us on this corner here's this ring And he's there with Jason Statham The beekeeper The beekeeper I keep the bees Don't touch my bees So I'm just doing you now If I catch you, you're gonna get stung Oh, isn't that a bee though?

21:13Aren't you the keeper? If I sting you, you're gonna die Oh, that's a bee again And then the bee dies The person doesn't die So are you the person that dies if you're the bee in this situation?

21:25Dana Carvey:Oh Wait a second Wait a second Oh let me think about it So He's got a new movie out called The Working Man Give me him and Working Man Oh I'm the working man And if you mess with me I'm gonna work your face into a bloody pulp You sound like Hans and Franz I don't know what I sound like I got too far into that one I couldn't get out David disappeared i'm back by the way yeah thank you scary jason statham with mr beast what a random assortment mr beast jason statham dana white and this saudi i think his name is muhammad al turkey i think so he's there anyway he's wandering around saying hi to people uh i don't know but i think he gave canelo a hundred million to oh my god oh that's nothing for you for me for a working man for working stiff um so you know what i mean he got punched in the face pretty hard many many times this is alvarez you're talking about i mean uh yeah canelo canelo you know he's he's he's tough as nails but yeah uh crawford really smacked him around a little bit yeah you know our ringside It wasn't the UFC ring side or regular boxing.

22:50It's pulled back. It was cameras. It was some other things, but it was really like, it's the football stadium. We were back about 50 feet. I was behind the front row, but even being that close, you're still, we were, we were laughing about this. How many times you go up to the big screen and look, because it's just a little better and easier to see. Cause I'm looking through ropes. You know, it's a little different.

23:16Dana Carvey:there is a catch type thing where there's a certain point you're going to pretty much watch the screen yeah unless you have a perfect kind of view yeah we were talking about this on the way there like how far back at a concert how far back you want because everyone agreed if you're going to blow money concerts sport events are fun to blow to sit closer because when you get to the point where you're only watching the screen my eyes aren't that good from far away so i do that and i'm like fuck because i like obviously everybody wants to be up close if you can afford it go up close but i'm sure and the inflationary aspect of america today and everything you have to get used to it well a regular ticket is bazooties there's to just get in that room was probably expensive and uh also but it really was i think a big hit for netflix because the fight turned out to be it started a little slow and then i started to see canelo looking a little beat up his face is red i'm like wait a second because he was the favorite i think oh maybe early on his face was red because a little starstruck he got a peek of you he saw me and blushed i know he got hit later but i think it was early on he looked over in the first round If I'm thinking where you are, where I think you are, I think he saw you.

24:39Dana Carvey:He's a huge fan of Dickie Roberts. And he blushed. We both picked out Dickie Roberts. I know. I don't know why. I should watch that movie again. Why does it get beat up by us? It's knocking futz. Great little comedy. Chris Rock's favorite Spade movie, Dickie Roberts. Well, it's a great idea. I love that he says that. because I do like Dickie Roberts. I think it was, not to get off my boring fight story, but it was a good idea. It was still funny, but just the idea is almost bigger. You can't keep up with the idea of former child stars because I talked to a pretty big director early on that wanted to do it.

25:22And he said, I would dismantle it after the first act and make it really tragic. And I said, I just, I don't think Paramount wants that.

25:32Dana Carvey:I don't think that's the brand of you at the time. Or Happy Madison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That you're going to go for a tragedy. That's a whole different movie. I said that's a good movie, and that's a movie that really makes sense. We're trying to spin it and make it more fun. I mean, you could mic drop in the end of the third act with some pathos or some emotion, but not dark. You know, it's funny because we had one scene where we all sang together for some, that Smigel wrote a song. How funny. Fred Wolfe of Smigel. and we had them all in for one day and it was cory hame and some brady bunch and we really grabbed a couple people said no they don't want to be associated anymore like i think gary coleman wouldn't do it but we had webster we had a lot of fun people and you get to see that some of them have to have had a rough time so they were dickie roberts peers cory hame yeah remember him he's cory fellman's buddy and yeah super sweet walking to lunch from the soundstage of singing and i'm in my outfit and he goes hey hey thanks for having me hey uh so we go to lunch now we got an hour and i go yeah this is roughly the conversation i said yeah and he goes uh hey i was gonna go off campus and eat i said i think you can and he goes do do we get a per diem for today?

26:59And I go, I don't know, maybe. And he goes, do I get that? Can you give me that? I go, I don't think I'm the one that gives you your per diem. And he goes, but I need some because I want to go get lunch. And he goes, you got a hundred bucks or something? I could just go get lunch. And I fucking did it. I felt so weird because now we're at my trailer. And he goes, if you have anything just, and I had some money. So I gave him like 50 hundred bucks and said, yeah, OK. And and then later, I swear at the time it didn't even hit me that he might go use or something. And he probably didn't. But I was like, was that stupid?

27:36Was that fucking dumb of me?

27:37Dana Carvey:Well, in the end of the day, what are you going to do? I mean, that it the premise would be besides a potential drug thing is that child actors sometimes get a lot of money when they're young. And then, you know, they go broke. yeah is it i mean you know whatever yeah the parents a lot of the time not all the time a lot of times the parents are like spending the money obviously they're like hey you're my kid it's my money and then when they're 18 they're like give me that back up that binks truck and they're like the thing is there's not a ton left and and at that point he was older but he was still a star you know because dickie roberts was a while ago and he was a super nice kid and then you know tough ending so and that's why cory cory feldman's out there going hey he's out there going we're have we had a tough time like they always treat cory feldman who we should have on sometime because he's a very interesting guy it's one of those ones you'll look back on one day and go maybe he had something to say that we weren't listening to you know because he had a yeah he said it was rough and the child star thing so anyway long Long story short, Dickie Roberts could have been darker.

28:48It had a little piece of it, but it wasn't, obviously.

28:53Dana Carvey:One of the stories I saw this week that I thought was funny was just the idea of Trump in England with King Charles. Yeah. Because Trump's bedside manner or bluntness. Are they used to his bluntness? Are they used to it? King Charles, he's a king now. He was a prince. Now he's a king with Camilla Parker Bowles. You know, he loved her very much. Camilla Parker Bowles. That's what they called her. Now she's a princess. She's a princess Bowles. You know, he said he was talking to on the phone. He wanted to live in her pants. She wanted to live in her pants. You remember that? And he's he and King Charles is there and everyone's there.