In short
Dana Carvey and David Spade (with Heather Santoro) record from Italy while discussing filming in the Alps, culture shock, and travel mishaps. They riff on Italian language/gestures, food (including unusual meats), getting blocked by the Italian president’s visit, and how they navigate logistics (ferry delays, “walkable” distances, currency confusion). They also do comedic “world news” impressions (Shaggy/Scooby-Doo), celebrity-impression “buzzing around,” and a segment critiquing their own Five-Hour Energy ad-read. They finish with more Italy food/ordering complaints and a recap of getting lost near Milan’s Duomo.
Guests
Bob Odenkirk is mentioned as “the guest today,” but the transcript does not include his appearance or any of his content.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOSpade's Italian Adventure Begins
1:17 to 2:29
Dana and David discuss David's trip to Italy and his experiences there.
“The basic, the effortless pieces that make getting dressed completely foolproof.”
Spade's Italian Adventure Begins
2:36 to 4:40
Dana and David discuss David's trip to Italy and his experiences there.
“We don't have a Z-Quill, but we have possum juice.”
Cultural Observations in Italy
4:40 to 7:36
The hosts share funny observations about Italian culture and cuisine.
“You know, it's funny, aside from everyone, I mean, almost everyone speaks Italian here.”
The Game of Chicken
7:36 to 10:10
Dana and David humorously discuss navigating the streets of Italy.
“And have a piece of pizza And have a pizza pie I thought they were threatening me Up against the wall spread them and have a piece of pizza.”
Reflections on Comedy and Past Experiences
10:10 to 12:20
The hosts reflect on comedy, relationships, and past encounters.
“Oh, and chicken is the only normal meat we don't have.”
Z-Quill and Possum Juice
12:20 to 14:01
Dana shares a humorous story about seeking sleep aids in Italy.
“Also, clarification because we had some blurbs.”
Pharmacy Adventures in Italy
14:01 to 16:49
Dana and David share a humorous story about searching for a pharmacy
“I'm just, I don't want to start up again.”
Altitude and Walking Challenges
16:50 to 17:51
The comedians discuss their experiences with altitude and walking in the Alps
“Cause the guy goes, you're going to go under a freeway and then over freeway.”
Cultural Confusions and Currency
17:52 to 19:38
David talks about cultural differences and currency confusion in Italy
“He goes, no, it's a 10 lira euro shekel.”
Cultural Confusions and Currency
21:18 to 21:53
David talks about cultural differences and currency confusion in Italy
“And you'll also receive an extra 10 % off.”
Show all 29 chapters
Cranky Filming Days
21:59 to 23:05
Dana recounts a frustrating filming day in the Alps
“I was in such a pissy mood yesterday because we were driving.”
Italy and Movie Budgets
23:06 to 28:00
Discussion about the movie set in Italy and the budget comparisons
“The budget's probably higher than I think.”
Gelato on Set
28:00 to 29:27
Learn about the luxurious food options on film sets compared to past experiences.
Dusty Dan's Transformation
29:28 to 33:01
Explore stories of Dana's horses and their personalities.
“Singapore, I was a little light, but I got it down.”
Life with Horses
33:02 to 35:46
Hear the humorous and endearing interactions between Dana's wife and their horses.
“And then she picks it up, puts it on, and then it gets the hat and throws it in the dirt.”
Transitioning to News
35:47 to 36:02
A light-hearted transition into discussing current events.
Transitioning to News
36:24 to 36:38
A light-hearted transition into discussing current events.
“Dive into caramel apples straight from the orchard for a sugar-free fall treat.”
Shaggy's World Episode
36:39 to 41:22
Enjoy a comedic skit featuring impressions and humorous takes on current events.
“and then he's going to do a few impressions.”
Shaggy's World Episode
41:25 to 42:03
Enjoy a comedic skit featuring impressions and humorous takes on current events.
“New Caramel Apple flavor Caramel Apple Five Our Energy Shots delivers sweet and tart apple hits with a smooth, buttery, caramel-coated finish.”
Introduction to Global Podcasting
42:03 to 42:23
Discussion about the podcast's reach and global audience.
“It's good for people for clarity, especially now this is showing in Italy.”
Shaggy's World Episode
43:57 to 44:53
Enjoy a comedic skit featuring impressions and humorous takes on current events.
“Have you ever noticed despite eating well, staying active and getting a full night's sleep, you still drag yourself out of bed exhausted?”
Shaggy's World Episode
46:02 to 46:45
Enjoy a comedic skit featuring impressions and humorous takes on current events.
“Cut your wireless bill to$15 a month at mintmobile.com slash flywall.”
Wedding Crasher Concept
46:45 to 48:05
Discussion about a service where people can attend weddings by paying for seats.
“My perusal through the TikToks of the TikToks came across someone doing a TikTok about Not A Wedding Crasher, which is a site, notaweddingcrasher.com, in which couples host seats available at their wedding sale.”
Discussion on Emmy Snubs
48:06 to 49:53
Conversation about the lack of Emmy nominations for Taylor Sheridan's shows.
“Just to get some chicken cordon bleep Just to get some Hold on before we start this one Let everything settle Are they going to block me because of what I do for work?”
Humorous Take on AI and Robots
49:54 to 52:19
Light-hearted conversation on AI advancements and their implications.
“Extraordinary Perfect thing for him I was doing this giant club with Adam Ray, this thing that, uh, and I did my Billy Bob Thornton thing and it exploded like 400 people.”
Star Wars Theme Park Discussion
52:20 to 54:04
Discussion about a new Star Wars-themed attraction and its costs.
“It looks fantastic That thing looks crazy Yeah Like this giant spaceship Landed in Is it only for Star Wars?”
Experiences in Italy
54:04 to 56:00
David shares his experiences and challenges while ordering food in Italy.
“Excuse any sort of glitches when I couldn't hear Dana for a second.”
Lost in Italy
56:00 to 56:35
Dana and David share a humorous story about getting lost while walking.
“So I just did my real voice, which is in it and did it the same spot.”
Engagement with the Audience
56:35 to 57:36
The hosts encourage listeners to engage with the podcast through follows and reviews.
Transcript
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2:45Dana Carvey:We don't have a Z-Quill, but we have possum juice. Make you sleepy. It's also spaghetti sauce. The word in the street is Spade is a colossal **** out of all the grown-ups, guys. Right? Well, you have different kinds of different things that need to be figured out. But you did. Why Italy? Is it crucial, the plot? Couldn't you have done it in the back lot of Sony and just built the little icy sculpture? This is the Odyssey. I can't even explain it to you. What's the budget on this turkey?
3:27All right. Welcome to the lightest, brightest I've ever been with my fluffy hair on the side.
3:32Dana Carvey:We are in different locations and we have different equipment. What your hair is doing is remarkable. It's remarkable. bowl. It's because you're in a wig all day, right? And then I said, you know what? Dana doesn't deserve a hat. I'll probably put it on them. Don't be mad about my messy hair. I know your hilarious cut is hilarious. This is just to cheer you up after our kind of technical issues. Everybody needs a salsa You know, he seems like he sang in Italian Didn't he do Volare or something? Oh, yeah, that's Amore Yeah, that's Amore I have too much of a froggy throat to do this It's 3.30 in the morning here in where I am Oh, you know, the thing about how much we are devoted to our fan base Which is fucking huge is that I'm late in the day and Dana's early in the morning because I'm in...
4:40You know, it's funny, aside from everyone, I mean, almost everyone speaks Italian here.
4:49Dana Carvey:It's very annoying. I've told you how to hack it, right? In previous podcasts. i i i don't know like uh we were waiting for the ferry and it was like what no and i said i'm not kidding and it works it works so what would be a typical thing you'd have to ask well they do put high eyes they go you want to go to dinner well that's more like Mexico City but I do have Google Translate oh you do okay take back everything I just said I know it's just it's hard Google Translate is almost like Shazam because it just shows like song lyrics so it doesn't be working probably well don't you talk into it and it interprets it I do but I think it picked up the song and he goes on a dark desert highway and they're like what is that?
5:53I'm like oh that's from an Eagles song. I think this is not working right.
5:57Dana Carvey:It doesn't seem like just plain random English speaking pop songs would help an Italian like translate what you're trying to convey. That's just me. I'm a nut that way. No it's a disaster but I will tell you the people use their hands so much but they don't have guns here so when they get in a fight it's like slow motion.
6:20Dana Carvey:So that's Is that being aggressive? So it looks like a gun But it's just a hand I like that about Italy It's a very peaceful country Very peaceful Also they try to like Because we're trying to eat And they go you're going to have so much pasta there And it's actually really good for you And you actually don't gain weight And then I don't know if that's all true But I said oh great and they try to show off with the pastas, you know, because the menu is never like spaghetti and meatballs. It's like a pasta de marica. A boccio can taco, but a saro. Exactly. And then I go, what's ravioli? Got any spaghetti meat sauce there?
7:07So he goes, ravioli with meat. And then I look at what kind of meat. It's rabbit, deer, and hamster. It's like so crazy where you go This is disgusting
7:17Dana Carvey:This is all the breadth of human history We would eat rodents and things And frogs and turtles It's only new that we have this filet of whatever But I like it there Because it's benign Like one time these cops came up to me and said Get up against the wall And they made like this And they go And have a piece of pizza And have a pizza pie I thought they were threatening me Up against the wall spread them and have a piece of pizza. Oh, you guys are kidding me. Sbarro. Sbarro. Right, we have our pizza. It's how it is over here. You want some skunk meat on your pasta? You want the full skunk or you just want the meat pasta?
8:03Dana Carvey:You want the groundhog. Groundhog tail, just the tail. A light olive oil. We saute the tail. We make a filet nicer for you. I have spaghetti and ocelot. I keep throwing in different animals. I know. You've got like six of them so far. I'm impressed. How about some nice marsupel soup? You like that?
8:34Yeah. All right. Here's another thing. They also say excusi a lot. There's two things. I say excusi. They bump in. That's the funnest one to say Excuse
8:47Dana Carvey:Excuse Here's one you can use It's 4.30 in the morning here I was in a cab in Rome And I was just riffing Where do you go? What do you do? I was in the front seat and finally he arrived And I said It just sounds Italian I don't know if it is You can use it abracadabra can you hear me read my lips i can't see you move at all i can hear and there you came back i can hear noises so you're still talking so i'd interrupt you but if i don't gut bust that's the problem it wasn't go you're working yeah it is you do something funny or you think it's kind of funny and your podcast partner is like spacing out staring like yeah that's my face that one anything else i will say when i walk in the street and italian people walk at me they wait for me to move they just walk right at me like this and i go i find they don't like veer off it's like um jousting they come right at you and you go oh i guess i move what the fuck so it's that game of chicken who's gonna move first it is a It's a game of chicken.
10:07It's a game of chicken.
10:09Dana Carvey:Over here, we call it a game of a pheasant. Oh, and chicken is the only normal meat we don't have. You like us? Chickens are weird, too. Yeah, I mean, you know, I guess I'm used to cows and chickens, so that's normal to me. But over here, it's deer and elk and, you know, whatever. But also, let's see what else is going on. I got tons to tell you, Dana. Not really. Oh, someone said a good observation about that movie, Obsession. Okay. I say it's like, no, I think Rock said it. He said it's like the wrong Missy if it wasn't a comedy. Pretty much. Crazy girl. She had a knife at the beginning when I was dating her.
10:55It's kind of true.
10:58Dana Carvey:That's right. Yeah. She's being stalked and haunted, and she's the radical monster. I didn't see it, but I've heard a lot of it. I tried to see it, and I got through. One of the kids in the movie is in our movie. So I'm like, oh, and he goes, you have not seen it. I go, I know I want to, but I'm scared. I'll watch it when it's on FUBU. I'll watch it when it's on Peapaw, the grandma station. I'll watch it when it's on Mom, Pa, Kettle, Channel 7 out of Denver. Let's redo Hee Haw. Yee-haw I remember the late great Bernie Brillstein One of our managers Lovely man, funny guy And he Got some back end money From hee-haw I remember him saying They take hee-haw money in London Just like they take any other money Yeah It doesn't matter how you make it And they pay in hay That's the only problem They should bring back a country western Isn't it about time It is I bet and guess what I've got the host and the co-host Who is it The host of brand new hee-haw Tonight on NBC God damn it We're gonna have some freaking fun I'm Billy Bob Thornton And his co-host Some stuff's gonna go down Who's that Sorry it was too fast Sam Elliott Oh yeah he could be Tonight I eat my own mustache I played a scarecrow They're in a cornfield right And they pop up I love that We're from a town of Chattanooga, Tennessee Population Salute Woo wee I mean, it's kind of disparaging of Southern people.
12:59Dana Carvey:I know. I love that. It's so stereotypical. I couldn't love it more. I sat there and glued to that thing. Also, clarification because we had some blurbs. Sometimes we talk about stuff when the podcast gets picked up out there on the website. We go a little edgy. Well, this is just because I said stupidly that I thought I made out with Drew Barrymore one time. I didn't know if I did. you couldn't remember and then how how did that trend was she uh upset about anything where it says something about making out with Drew Barrymore but I kind of stepped in shit because I didn't clarify it was so long ago it was like right before wedding singer when my fictitious make out happened for like five seconds now wait a minute do you remember that or no I think I do but I would pretty much guess she would say no.
13:52Dana Carvey:Well, make out is a pretty, there's a lot of ways to think about that. You know? Yeah, it was just a. It could be just a peck that's called. I'm just, I don't want to start up again. I'm just saying I feel bad for her that I even said it because it's so stupid. But I will tell you, this is a more interesting story. I was looking for La Farmacia yesterday, which sounds like what you'd say in Spanish. A pharmacy. We got a lot of pizza for you. Not enough. Not enough. So I go and I go, do you have any Z-Quill? Z-Quill? No, they wouldn't. We don't have a Z-Quill, but we have possum juice. Make you sleepy.
14:36It's also spaghetti sauce.
14:43Dana Carvey:Yeah. No, they go. They go, we have a, you know, there's a big quill family. Have you seen Z-Quill? They have NyQuil. Yeah. They have Headache Quill, Pain Quill. DayQuill, HoneyQuill, Z-Quill. Yeah. Breakfast Quill and Cold and Flu and then really bad Cold and Flu. Like, just give me the really bad one. Don't give me the medium one. Well, look, if you do all those ones, Z-Quill, DayQuill, G-Quill, they send you a quilt. Just a thing most people don't know Z-Quilt, yeah If you do all of them, it's a bonus little gift they give you It's a really interesting family tree Do you get A-Quilt? Why do you need Z-Quilt?
15:32Are you already sleepy? Because I'm trying to fucking snooze, dude We were in altitude in the Alps I don't know when you've been to the Alps recently What was it? 4 ,000 feet? It was, you know what Dana? it was not that bad. It was probably hotel was around four. We hit, we hiked up to about six or something. It was at meters or feet.
15:54Dana Carvey:I go, how many kilograms are we in the air? 6 ,000 meters. That's 18 ,000 feet. My friend, you know, I was laughing at that because when the hotel, I go, Hey, is that pharmacy walkable? And I go, yeah, it's walkable. And you go, what's walkable to you becausest everest is technically walkable people walk it it's too far right i'm not walking so we did this and you know dana i think i think you know the word in the street is spade is a colossal pussy and out of all the grown-ups guys right well you have uh different kinds of different uh things that need to be figured out but you did but didn't you get lost walking in Denver?
16:42Dana Carvey:It was a story from 17 years ago, podcast number eight, 40 podcasts ago. Yeah. You get lost. I go, Oh, it's not very far. And you went like 20 miles. Same thing. Cause the guy goes, you're going to go under a freeway and then over freeway. I go, all right, I should just gotten out there because I go, I just, if you give me one turn, I can maybe do it. Or if I see it, I can go there. But he's like, no, they're there. Then you're going to walk along with the freeway. Then you're going to take, It's just too much. And that's not walkable anymore, in my estimation. Well, walking is kind of one of the best things you can do.
17:17Dana Carvey:So think of it as just sort of a healthy thing to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have the proper sneakers? Do you have a pair of good sneakers? It's funny because I was with the guys the other day, and we're in this mall, and I go, hey, guys, there's a new shoe drop today. And then I pan over, and it's Skechers. you think it's going to be like the new air Jordans old guys lined up, but there they're called sketchy in those sketchy in low. Everything's got a valid. Also, I don't know how much anything costs. And I got my breakfast. It was$10. And I go, I don't, this can't be right. He goes, no, it's a 10 lira euro shekel.
17:59And I go, what is it? And so I did, and then it could be 3000. I don't even know what I'm doing. I don't know what they could rip me off. so bad.
18:08Dana Carvey:Well, Euros, don't they use the Euro? They're part of the European Union. They're not like Great Britain. We're out of here. Take your European unit and stick it with it. Yeah, we're gonna exit right now. You try following this, it ain't gonna work. I got a little puppet on the thing.
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19:49Dana Carvey:How We Made Your Mother is the How I Met Your Mother Rewatch Podcast. with me, Josh Radner, and series co-creator Craig Thomas. Well, our guest today is the great Bob Odenkirk. I want to tell you, that cast, Allison and Kobe and Neil and Jason and you, you were so upbeat and gung-ho. The spirit that you guys had was like, I actually thought it was like, are you being, are you mocking this? Are you being sarcastic? Follow How We Made Your Mother wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is sponsored by Blue Chew, the number one brand for better sex. Yeah, yeah, this is Arnold. That's where Bluetooth Gold has it to play.
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21:59I was in such a pissy mood yesterday because we were driving. We shot all morning in the Alps.
22:04Dana Carvey:Wait a minute. You're saying you shot for hours on a film set and got a little cranky? I was so fucking cranky. Is that what you're telling me? Last night. Yeah. By the end of the burnout week of carrying backpacks going up and down mountains, I was like, and then we drove back to the hotel and then we had to pack up and then drive three hours to the new location. And I'm like, and then we're almost there. And they go, the president of Italy is here. And so everything's blocked. We can't get to the hotel. Oh, Meloni, I think it's a woman, a young woman. fucking teapot. What does that mean? That's a kettle.
Read the full transcript
22:49Dana Carvey:Feels like an alien spaceship. But why? I just have to insert this. Why Italy? Is it crucial to the plot? Couldn't you have done it in the back lot of Sony and just built a little icy sculpture? This is the Odyssey. I can't even explain it to you. What's the budget on this turkey? The budget's probably higher than I think. No, but Italy gives you a tax break, right? Is that why you're there and not in Hollywood? It's something. I think it was also partially trying to make it bigger, more of an adventure, more crazy stuff going on. I think that's great. It's funny. I mean, I at least am really happy that I was shockingly handling this stuff.
23:32Shockingly. I'm sore and beat up, but I don't mind being sore from a good workout. I just don't want that neck to go into a migraine Yeah migraine and
23:43Dana Carvey:Comedian having fun on film set Don't go together You know you don't have any physical pain You just ask her
23:57Dana Carvey:I'll see it Oh she's gonna go for sure She's gonna see the movie I like to surprise shoot once in a while For people who listen to the podcast Which is almost everyone I just put up a puppet of Nancy Pelosi For no reason Nancy Pelosi Nancy Pelosi If she was on Gilligan's Island She'd be Mrs. Howell She thinks she's auditioning for Ginger She'd be Mrs. Howell Well the thing is She's one of the world's greatest Stock pickers You can She's got a real gut feeling She averages 50 % of your return with her husband, Paul. And you can follow her, though. It's great. You can just. That's smart. And I know someone.
24:45Dana Carvey:I see what Pelosi invests in and I invest in. And this person drives a Rolls Royce. Follow the leader. Yeah, she's just an incredible. It's not because she's on committees and gets proprietary information. Yeah, it's just because she's got a nose for the socks. She's got an ear to the tray. and she has a lot of hunches. And most of Congress is in these meetings going, so we're going to approve that? It goes both sides of the aisle. Dixie cup in the walls like, hey. Congressman goes to Congress. What's your net worth? $32 ,000. Congressman does two terms. What's your net worth? $384 million. How'd that happen?
25:28Dana Carvey:I don't know. Yeah. I mean, you know, you just pick a good stock.
25:36Dana Carvey:Geet, geet, geet, geet. Here's a quick one. I have a knack for losing 50%. Follow me. You got to go with the dude, man. I'm the dude. Sorry. I just do these to amuse myself. And hopefully others are not. No, I'm laughing. I just saw a blur. Who was that? That was Jeff Bridges. Jeff Bridges. I like to get a big frozen yogurt and I put on those peanut M &Ms and gum or bears and top it off with butterscotch pudding and I do enjoy that a lot. I'm Jeff Bridges, better known as the dude, man. Yeah. I thought it was Kenny Rogers. I'm going for it with this character. And all I hear is, yeah. I couldn't hear in the middle.
26:31I just heard some noise.
26:32Dana Carvey:You can hear perfectly well. What bronchial spasm Hold on I got up early I know you're a trooper Don't be mad at my hair No I like your hair It's a summer cut Well yeah it's a summer cut In late September Okay Carvey There's a statue of limitations On what qualifies as the summer season Alright
27:05I thought of Dennis going, I'd like some Parmesan, but no grown-up anaconda on this one.
27:14Dana Carvey:Well, you know, I'm going to go have a little seafood with the wife, and they're bringing in the fresh tortoise, I imagine, and some kind of saute mechanism. It's almost like the kind of airwave that are one of those things, you know, keeps it fresh all the way through the tender meat down by the hoofs. Down by the hoofs. Hoofs. By the way, a lot of gnocchi being tossed around out here. Gnocchi is just a little like marshmallows. Marshmallow bread, sort of. Yeah. Yeah. And they say the bread like it doesn't have any. What is it called? People are allergic to gluten Everyone's allergic to gluten That's the hippest thing right now Have you had any of the Italian ice cream Or what do they call it The garba Gelato Gelato No Breaking news They had a gelato truck on set yesterday Oh I should see What is the budget on this thing I know it's through the roof They didn't have it on Busboys Well wait a minute, let's break this down Busboys, really funny Comedy, maybe not as High budgeted, so this is a little higher Budgeted, but essentially the same Budget Busboys would buy A box of Cracker Jacks And then when we had to pick one Colonel out Well yeah, instead of a gelato truck Someone had to pay the ice cream man It was in Redondo Beach neighborhood for the kids and gave them a 20 to come over to your set but it's just like having a private gelato feast yeah i know it it's true that also the the craft service is like usually it's five triscuits in a slim gym and it's like gummy bears and all this stuff that's bad for you and it's on a card table and there's flies buzzing around but out here it's like really laid out nicely and there's pastas and stuff it's great i mean you know this is gonna be a goal this is a global movie it's going to be in 70 countries who's going to dub your voice i saw one time there's some guy on instagram from germany goes i do all your hotel transylvania and all your voice and stuff and i and he goes don't worry i punch it up some of your stuff's a little fucking weak don't worry take care of it well i love that he has to wink and go like this What does he expect your response to be Thank you Some of your stuff's a little Got some softballs in there But I got in there and gave you some real jokes I know I'm just a voice substitute guy But I got a couple moves All I'm saying is If you're in Yugoslavia And you watch the movie You're gonna be happy I added a few LOLs for you Yeah In Bulgaria I went hard at you When you see it If you're in Cairo.
30:17Dana Carvey:Singapore, I was a little light, but I got it down. Well, what's your accent? I could do them all.
30:27Dana Carvey:He goes, I've really got down your goofy, stupid shit. Yes. And that line where you're going into the bathhouse, I did it in Russia. Brostosi Vittisi Composusi Bathhouse You like? Oh yes you like Alright let's do some news stuff Unless you have any good stories to tell me Stories? Me? Stories? I got too many stories It's all horses all the time You know Well what's going on? What's up with Dusty Dan? Dusty Dan or Dirty Dan He's starting to turn a little bit whiter Is he kind of sort of a yellowish? And now he's starting to turn whiter. But the thing is, I think we've spoiled them. Because, like, they, if you go out to get in your car and they see you, they start kind of yelling.
31:23Dana Carvey:Yeah, they're like, you idiot. Can't you see we need to be fed? They just like you in the vicinity, right? Yeah, we come out the front and they can see us coming and going. And then they come over to the fence and the 1 ,200-pound horse. Puts his head over the fence and just stares at you. Nine foot head. Just like this, totally still. Where do you think you're going? They have the best life, you know. It's incredible. Where do you pet them? Ribs, middle nose, back of ear. I start with kind of on the bridge. I like what you're thinking about. Well, no, I have friends that say, yeah, they will bite sometimes because they're very jumpy animals.
32:12Dana Carvey:Like they run fast and you kind of pet their bridge of those kind of gently. You have to get trust. The thing is you have to be confident around. This is where you would have difficulty. You have to get really confident around the animal and just sort of pet it. You'd be like, what do I do? And then you get bit. I know. When I walk up to horses, I go, I think I got enough for another stand-up hour. I got enough for a special. And then I pet him. I just made that up and used cosign. Yeah, I would. But I'm getting more comfortable. I wouldn't know how to pet a horse. I act confident. I tell my stand-ups in good shape.
32:49And then I pet him.
32:50Dana Carvey:And they go, well, my wife likes to go out in the pasture, sit in a chair with her laptop. And to the horses, they get a little bored. So they all circle around her and they get really excited. And the big horse likes to take Paula's hat and throw it in the dirt. And then she picks it up, puts it on, and then it gets the hat and throws it in the dirt. And then it starts licking her laptop. That's a scene from Busboys. But that's me and Theo. Yeah. So we're very, you know, we just, they're adorable. We're quiet folk. they they calm you down you know you think out all the problems of the world things like that you just look at a horse it's like what's going on why are you stressing you know although a coyote did go by and they did start riling up a little bit yeah coyote just walked by and then they started sprinting and running around next day coyote goes by and they're totally calm big deal he goes like this what he's walking what this 1300 pound horse could real first of all they their bite strength it's not sharp but it's really strong and then they go up and if they come down on you it's lights out i saw one this girl walked up to it behind it was talking and i gave it a little side ufc kick deesh just ko yeah you don't want to gurvitz got whacked once was standing Behind the horse Yeah yeah I think there's a little Money there And then He didn't get You gotta wet the beak Yeah Yeah Just take a taste But he was okay But he said It was memorable You gotta respect Being behind a horse You know Shit Hey horse Listen Listen dirty Dan You wanna switch agencies That's fine Hey horse Hey dirty Dan You know what we can do Is we do a little tour.
34:50Dana Carvey:We get a thing, a trailer. And we go to kids shows, right? And I take a taste. What do you think? We get you, the new horse, maybe the coyote. We all go together. We throw in a coyote, a marsupish. We'll throw in like 15 ground squirrels. It's like a little Lollapalooza animal show. And we go to elementary schools and we split. We split it. 90 for me and 10 And for you, what do you know about money? You're a horse. You hate it. You hate it. You hate it. I'll give you hay instead of hay. Dana hates money. He hates hot days. He hates flat tires. He hates overcooked spaghetti. And he hates money.
35:44It's a lot of hate. God dang it. I talked to dumb Gervitz last night. Okay let's try to do some news stories We gotta really catch people
35:52Dana Carvey:Yeah cause you gotta get back to the set And give our strong opinion Right And I have a What do you call it a thing coming up Oh right we got a buzzing around Fuck Those people are spoiled man Buzzing around gets me to lean up Cause I have shit to do now Now I gotta read it People drum roll Now it's time for buzzing around sponsored by Five Hour Energy's new caramel apple flavor. Dive into caramel apples straight from the orchard for a sugar-free fall treat. Find caramel apple shots for a limited time online. I sound like such a rookie. At fivehouenergy.com or Amazon today. Dana's going to give you a fictitious scenario, and then he's going to do a few impressions.
36:43Dana Carvey:It's definitely fictitious. Okay, I'm going to do an episode. is going to involve you. Okay, for legal reasons, it's fictitious. Yeah, it is fictitious. But this is called Shaggy's World. Shaggy's World with guest star Scooby-Doo. Guest star being played by Mr. David Spade. I'll do Shaggy's World. It's World News. Do you want to introduce it? World News with Shaggy and Scooby-Doo. with Shaggy. And? And Scooby sometimes. Well, geez, Scoob, the straighter removes is not fully open. There's still a lot of people that can't get their oil through and the oil prices are going through the roof right before the midterms.
37:36Dana Carvey:Ruh-roh. Everyone's pissed.
37:42Right?
37:44Dana Carvey:I was expecting one of those rut rows but it's funnier when he really really talks oh he's supposed to say rut row you don't have to okay i gotta get back to the character now gas sorry scoob gas prices are going to the roof have you checked how expensive premium gas is lately what do you think it is per gallon. Rival row?
38:14You know, I'm the dumb one. I know.
38:17Dana Carvey:It's getting worse. The Houthis are on a row. No one can stop a Houthi. They have matching weapons. They're closing the Red Sea. That with the straighter Hermes makes things very complicated for the midterms. And guess what? Guess what, Scoop? The third-year treasury is at 5.1%. I've got this straight of her blues.
38:46Dana Carvey:I'm not doing I'm not doing shaggy very well. I'm sad. Let me get back into shaggy. Well, Scoob, I couldn't agree more. You can have that straight of her blues. We've got to get the oil going and get peace in our time. The midterms are coming and no one knows what's going to happen. But Scooby-Doo, next time you go to this gas station and you look at the gas prices, what will you probably say? Ruh-roh. We're fucked. I have a guest star. This guest star for this is going to critique this episode of Five Hour Energy. Yeah, fellas. You can't always hit the home run. You can't do what you do. It doesn't matter.
39:31Dana Carvey:You're a little shaky. You're a little shaky, but the funny parts. I'm sure we can stitch it together, do some edits, maybe add a laugh track, but let's just say it wasn't your finest work, but the thing is, you still keep trying. And that's what I appreciate. Work on your voices. Carvey and speed.
39:55Dana Carvey:Ruh-roh. Ruh-roh. That's a brand review. Yeah, gee, Scoob, Arnold gave it to us right between the eyes. He doesn't think that was funny. I can't believe Arnold would be that mean with his Arnold review. Gee, Scoob, what are we going to do? He's not even from here. That's a whole other problem. Yeah, Scoob, what do you give a shit? Well, I can't believe it. Are you anti-immigration? No That's not what I meant Now you're doing Sandler Okay Well Scoom I don't know This is one of my favorite episodes The only thing I can do is finish off With another edition of Billy Bob I just want to know What the hell was that What was that piece of shit You can't say that enough I can't take two critiques There's a lot of critiquers here I gotta get you out of this Ready?
41:10That was buzzing around Celebrities are all impersonated That was buzzing around We have to legally say that Sponsored by 5-Hour Energy's 5-Hour New Caramel Apple flavor Caramel Apple Five Our Energy Shots delivers sweet and tart apple hits with a smooth, buttery, caramel-coated finish. Treat yourself to a crisp apple bite and a smooth caramel delight with a caramel apple Five Our Energy Shot. Only available online for a limited time at FiveRenergy.com or Amazon.
41:49Dana Carvey:Or wherever you get your wopity-beep-boop-boop. Yeah, I'm glad they made that clear. Those were celebrity impressions and not the actual people. Arnold was not on our podcast. It's good for people for clarity, especially now this is showing in Italy. Right, because we're a worldwide global podcast.
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42:58Don't let that money sit around and gather dust, Dana.
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46:34Capable device required. Available speed and coverage varies. See MintMobile.com.
46:44Okay, let's try something here. Okay.
46:48Dana Carvey:My perusal through the TikToks of the TikToks came across someone doing a TikTok about Not A Wedding Crasher, which is a site, notaweddingcrasher.com, in which couples host seats available at their wedding sale. So right now we could go to S &A's wedding in South New Jersey on Saturday, September 19th. She has six seats available for 75 seats. A note from the host, we are so excited to become husband and wife. If you love good food, music, dancing, conversations, because our family loves to talk and meet new people. Most importantly, to have a good time and celebrate love, we would love it if you attended our special day.
47:28Dana Carvey:Unfortunately, a few family members are not going to make it due to unprecedented circumstances. We really hope that if you attend our wedding, You enjoy yourself and please dance And have fun So you pay They pay people to come? Well you have to pay So you see the wedding like you're going to some Broadway show Or whatever and you pay 75 bucks You know It's like cats It's like cats, okay That's a little steep I'd say For eavesdropping on someone else's Private special moments I know The monetization of love How weird Just to get some chicken cordon bleep
48:11Just to get some Hold on before we start this one Let everything settle Are they going to block me because of what I do for work? That's your fault for going through my highlights What is going on here? Are you going to tell this bitch to leave? Oh you're with another bitch? Open the fucking door
48:29Dana Carvey:I'm not opening the door bro I don't know what's going on Oh, she crashes through something. An ex-girlfriend comes over. And then she crashes through something? You better let me in. Yeah, and she dove through the Arcadia door. Oh, okay. Huh. You're back now. Yeah. I mean, people get very animated about their boyfriend, girlfriend. It's just love, Dana. It's only love. Uh-oh. This is about you. Watch. This is your favorite. Very well. The snubbing of Taylor Sheridan. The fact that the shows that a lot of people love, like Lioness and Dutton Ranch isn't eligible yet. But his stars, he's got Oscar winners all over his TV shows.
49:18Dana Carvey:Madison, yeah. And I know it causes controversy, but for him to have no shows, no shows for major categories, none of his actors and actresses for major categories seems like a deliberate snub by the show. By the Emmys, and that's unfair So they didn't even get nominated? Nothing None of them They got Michelle Pfeiffer, you got Harrison Ford She was amazing And Madison, Michelle Pfeiffer Just brilliant And Billy Bob Thornton With Sam Elliott, she got a supporting nod They're amazing Billy Bob Thornton in Landman is Extraordinary Perfect thing for him I was doing this giant club with Adam Ray, this thing that, uh, and I did my Billy Bob Thornton thing and it exploded like 400 people.
50:11Dana Carvey:Like that's how big the show was, you know, lady. And, um, that's too bad. It's a big show. They're all big shows. They're all huge hits. It's crazy. Okay. Let's see what this is. This robot has all things I have seen. And this is not your average robot. More robot stories. Oh, it has all human bones. Weird. See, I don't want... They're articulated. That gets very creepy. It's getting too close. Getting too close for me. Too close for comfort. They said AI is going to be smarter than me in a couple years. They're talking IQ 10 ,000. IQ. that's higher than mine I think but I haven't checked until it's documented we don't know until you tell me I don't know I don't even know how that's possible yeah that's the creep factor that can be coming in here with robots and stuff FedEx you know it's like a robot do you think they're speeding up all this reality of the body to make sex dolls or do you think it's something else Sex dolls They have sex dolls I know but they don't have 206 bones I'll make it 207 Yeah well if you were having sex With a sex doll you'd have to say Geez you're kind of bony I'll go you're a little bony but I like I don't want to think about Animatronics Human bone robots Don't want to think about it I don't want real bones and robots get lost Yeah, I like synthetic bones and robots.
51:57Dana Carvey:This is a really good news show. I like a little R2-D2. I like a little cute thing on wheels. I don't need, you know, I don't need C-3PL. Master Luke, Master Luke, you know. Oh, dear, oh, dear, Master Luke. Terrible thing, Master Luke. Terrible, terrible. Terrible. Would you like a rusty handjob, Master Luke? George Lucas, by the way, launched his Star Wars thing. It looks fantastic That thing looks crazy Yeah Like this giant spaceship Landed in Is it only for Star Wars? What a No offense But what a waste He put a A billion Or three billion To make it It has rooms of artifacts And world history I don't know I think it's bigger Than even Star Wars It looks so badass That's when you got A couple of beans I thought it was Beyonce's new house Yeah That's You know A billion goes pretty far Even with the Inflation and everything I thought it was Jay-Z's guest house Alright well let's do another one We're killing it We should do our last one right So you can get back to the set Yeah I gotta run Sandman's calling me Jack Jarbuto's calling me Jack we're fin That's all we got Okay We're finishing up Jack We finish up all the news Tell wardrobe Tell wardrobe spades wearing a V-neck Bell Rotel hair, spades hair has gone crazy I washed it last night And then I woke up With a little Buffonte-ism And I said, you know what?
53:31Leave it People like the authenticity
53:34Dana Carvey:Well, look at this I couldn't, you know It turns out different every day After my slight trim But it is a little Bonnie Hunt
53:46Dana Carvey:It's a little Bonnie Hunt It's a little Dottie Hamill from the 76 Olympics. Jesus Christ, what are you supposed to do? You know, he comes from the 50s. What's he supposed to look like? Jesus Christ. All right, so here we are. First episode from Italy. From Italy. So don't be mad at that podcast. Excuse any sort of glitches when I couldn't hear Dana for a second. Try to have fun. It is Italy. I am. We're just, you know, I'm trying to find food. when I order a club sandwich, and they go, okay, here's our way. It's sardines, a screwdriver, and a fucking crab cake. I go, what happened to the turkey, bacon?
54:31There's literally sardines and everything, and I don't know. I'm getting there, though. I'm getting there. I'm on their turf.
54:38Dana Carvey:Just a basic margarita pizza. Yeah. At least kind of basic. There's no chilies. You wish, Dana. Just a chicken quesadilla. I mean, I want the base. Can't you get some fish and vegetables? I mean, I'm trying, Dana. Are you trying? Really? The next place we go is going to be better, and they're going to have more seafood. Okay. Am I trying? I am. I'm trying. I go to places. I eat in a hotel a lot when we were in, what were we in Milan? I ate at the hotel pretty much everything. Yeah. We can say Milano now because I was gone. But I did a really solid TikTok from there Also You still look that up Everybody I think I saw a TikTok I think I saw a clip Yeah it was the Domo In Milan Yeah I saw it It popped up on my feed It's just a stupid TikTok Oh yeah In Milan, Italy In front of the Domo one of the most intense structures ever built.
55:49I will say Heather and I walked down there and then we go, let's do this. Cause it was on a, it was like me. It was a parody of the tick tocks. They do there and they use a voice from grownups. I didn't know that. Yeah.
56:01Dana Carvey:Yeah. They voice along with it. So I just did my real voice, which is in it and did it the same spot. But then we got lost walking back because Heather doesn't know what the heck's going on. Heather. Get, get it together. Heather. she's like this i think we're going that that way and then we walk into a thousand people like i don't think so because we were leaving it's like we're only eight minutes away then we walk oh we're 12 minutes away walk towards it 15 i go something's wrong yeah something's wrong man all right all right i'll let you go danny you were nice to get up going back to bed and when I wake up this bedhead will be in a different configuration I like it it's light it's a little Shirley Jones I like it okay alright I'll see you next time
56:55alright listen if you're enjoying The Fly on the Wall of course hopefully you are click follow we don't want to be desperate but obviously smash that god dang button on your favorite podcast app smash leave a review a good one Leave a five star rating Nothing else Whoops And maybe even share an episode With a friend If you're watching this episode On YouTube Please Subscribe Dana What do you think?
57:19Dana Carvey:I'm gonna tell you this right now Hear me now Believe me later Fly on the wall Believe it or not Is presented by Odyssey And executive produced by Hold for it Dana Carvey and David Spade Or David Spade and Dana Carvey We don't write this stuff Heather Santoro Greg Holtzman and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweetek. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lepore.
From the publisher
David’s recording his first episode from Italy, and the guys are talking about ordering pasta, getting ZzzQuil in the Alps, and the actual definition of “walkable”. Also, Dana’s got a horse update, Nancy Pelosi’s got stock picks, and the news of the week.
