In short
Episode topic: David Spade and Dana Carvey discuss an emergency addendum after a Salesforce corporate gig controversy—specifically two comedians (Kumail Nanjiani and Alana Glazer) dropping out—then pivot to casino show experiences, Trump/Time Magazine jokes, and personal “scary at night” stories (fire alarms, electrocution, possum).
Guest backgrounds
No guests appear as interview subjects. The “guests” referenced are Kumail Nanjiani (comedy actor/stand-up; mentioned as originally scheduled) and Alana Glazer (Broad City co-star; also scheduled), both of whom canceled.
Key claims
Spade says an SFGate/tech-business writer’s negative article reads AI-generated and frames Spade as “B-list” backup talent. He argues corporate gigs restrict “punching up” and that the review is an unusual sting. He also claims the Salesforce CEO Mark Benioff initially supported National Guard presence, then retracted after backlash.
Notable examples
Salesforce event in San Francisco (~3,000 attendees, daytime “in-the-round” staging); Spade’s 45-minute set with “ChatGPT bits” and traffic/hotel jokes; casino “high rollers” strategy (“papering”); Time Magazine’s Trump cover mockery; 2am fire alarms and Dana’s 120-volt electrocution.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOEmergency Podcast Announcement
1:12 to 2:26
Hosts announce an emergency podcast to discuss a recent event.
“shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash fly slash fly all right back to school starts now get long-lasting battery life on the Dell XPS laptop powered by Series 3 Intel Core.”
Corporate Comedy Show Experience
2:26 to 4:59
David shares his experience covering a corporate gig and the challenges involved.
“We just thought we'd do it Sunday afternoon.”
Unexpected Cancellations and Controversies
4:59 to 6:19
Discussion of comedian cancellations and the controversy surrounding the event.
“I'm going there to the gig, and there's an article that gets sent to me.”
AI-Generated Reviews and Responses
6:19 to 8:19
David critiques a review he received, suspecting it was AI-generated.
“All I saw in the article that said, these people stepped out, but David Spade basically gladly did it.”
Reflections on Corporate Comedy
8:19 to 14:01
David discusses the nature of corporate comedy shows and audience expectations.
“I don't know if you want me to read it, but...”
Reflection on Comedy Reviews
14:01 to 15:55
Dana discusses the impact of comedy reviews and his experiences with them.
“The history of these type of events that got reviewed in a snarky way.”
Memories of Haircuts and The Beatles
15:56 to 16:50
Dana shares childhood memories related to haircuts and The Beatles' influence.
“Just don't go anywhere because this is going to be a banger.”
Yamava Gig Recap
16:51 to 18:15
Dana and David recap their recent performance at Yamava and share experiences.
“No, I wanted you to go rest because you put in a full day's work.”
Special Cookies from the Venue
18:16 to 18:40
They talk about unique cookies themed around their careers gifted at the venue.
Challenges During the Set
18:41 to 21:04
David discusses his challenges and experiences during the set in Yamava.
“My riff skills are a little off this morning.”
Show all 27 chapters
The Casino Show Dynamics
21:05 to 22:30
They analyze the dynamics and expectations of performing in casino environments.
“You're kind of like, and it's much cooler.”
Stories from Vegas Shows
22:31 to 25:57
Dana shares anecdotes from past Vegas shows and the unique environment there.
Stories from Vegas Shows
25:58 to 30:23
Dana shares anecdotes from past Vegas shows and the unique environment there.
“That's why Instacart can help me with my busy schedule.”
Dana and David's Comedy Banter
30:32 to 31:56
Dana and David share humorous anecdotes and witty observations.
“Yeah Who the fuck are they turning away?”
Fun Facts About Playing Cards
31:56 to 32:58
Discover interesting trivia about playing cards and their symbolism.
“this is just some fun facts about playing cards I didn't know I learned this 52 cards the traditional playing cards thing okay yeah oh I thought you already knew it yep 52 cards in a deck was that the question?”
Juggling vs. Card Tricks Debate
32:58 to 33:58
Dana and David compare the skills of juggling and card tricks.
“Would you rather be able to juggle really well?”
David's Show Preparations
33:58 to 37:47
David shares his experiences and thoughts before a show with Dana.
“That phone, I didn't know where it went.”
Trump's Magazine Cover Controversy
37:47 to 41:58
A discussion on the portrayal of Trump in Time Magazine and his recent actions.
“So I said, just follow me because she didn't seem dangerous.”
Fire Alarm Fright
42:00 to 43:20
Dana shares a terrifying experience with his fire alarm going off at night.
“some stories my fire alarm went off i don't know if you want to hear about that i i would were you scared?”
Electrocution Incident
43:20 to 45:00
Discussion about a shocking incident involving Heather getting electrocuted.
“whatever I do normally, and it is to calm down.”
Possums and Paranormal
45:00 to 46:50
Dana recounts a scary encounter with a possum and a ghostly pressure experience.
“I go hey whoa I said I'll pay anything and then he goes I'll pay either 40 bucks for a new one.”
AI and Future Work Trends
46:50 to 49:50
Discussion on AI's impact on jobs and the future of work.
“as i am you know and then remember when you had that illusion yeah yeah no that was this heavy weight, you know, about 150 pounds on me.”
Living in High-Rise Buildings
49:50 to 54:12
Dana and David discuss their experiences living in tall buildings.
Living in High-Rise Buildings
54:16 to 54:30
Dana and David discuss their experiences living in tall buildings.
“Hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break, all right?”
Chinese Investment in New Hampshire
56:51 to 1:02:50
Discussion on foreign investments and implications for U.S. resources.
Understanding Bitcoin
1:02:50 to 1:05:40
A humorous exploration of Bitcoin and its complexities.
“How much time do I need to do the same waiting?”
The Comedy of Performance
1:05:40 to 1:08:35
Dana and David reflect on their experiences and challenges in comedy.
Transcript
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2:08Okay, hey guys, listen. We're starting the show. We already taped the show, but we're adding a little addendum because...
2:15Dana Carvey:Right, it's a... something just happened. We tape it a few days before, but then this just happened. I want to tell you about it. It's not life-changing, but it's very interesting to Dana and I. Yeah, it's an emergency podcast. Yes, drop everything. We just thought we'd do it Sunday afternoon. So David, tell us your story. So what happened is, like Dana and I talk about doing these corporate shows, now and then for these big companies. It's usually a lot of fun and pretty harmless. And sometimes they're a little tough because not a typical comedy setting. That's fair, right? And by the way, let me insert this.
2:59Dana Carvey:You are a sideshow. You're not the show. The corporate party, the event, the president speaks, the slides and awards, that's the show. You're kind of a secondary show. So it's not like a regular gig. Go ahead. Right. So sometimes you're getting a burned out crowd or something. They've been in meetings all day. Sometimes you're surprised. They start to leave the meeting and they go, wait a second, here's an hour with someone. And they're like, ugh. And usually not drunk. They usually, you know, it's whatever. So I get a call, quick story, which we can never do anything quick, but hey, do you want to cover for someone to do a corporate show in San Francisco?
3:39I go, it depends on what day I'm going into Arizona to see my brother Brian. And they said, well, it was Monday night. It's Thursday morning. You'd have to go. It's actually a daytime show, which immediately rings slightly tougher. But I don't mind. And I said, okay, it's usually kind of a favor. Someone got sick. We don't know what happened. happen yeah yeah they don't tell me so I said let me see if I can maneuver it so by the end of Tuesday yes I can do it and then I'll go straight to Arizona right so it's Salesforce I said okay I've actually done this before I think Dana you might have done a couple with with them
4:15Dana Carvey:Mark is it Benioff is the CEO Mark Benioff yes so unbeknownst to you what's going on so unbeknownst me they say uh i think heather finds out oh i saw i think it was going to be kamail nunjani uh he should put in parentheses in his name did i say that right because i like the guy i see him out he's been on the show super nice guy kj that's easier to say so uh and alana glazer yes from broad city another funny comic uh i i don't know her well but i think she's very funny So two comics that are pretty potent, going to go up there and do a thing, and they say, she will still open, but you're still going to do 45.
4:59I said, that sounds great. Okay. I'd like to see her. It'd be fun. So I get up there. I'm already in San Fran. I'm going there to the gig, and there's an article that gets sent to me. Hey, they fell out. They both fell out now.
5:16Dana Carvey:They both canceled or fell out, let's say. Yeah, fell out lingo, because of possible political things. I heard the word Trump thrown around. Benioff initially had sort of welcomed the National Guard because he's had his big event every year. He has to hire extra protection and private police because it's a huge event. So he kind of invited that saying, I would support the National Guard kind of policing my event. And then what happened? some backlash now that's not why i was told i was told nothing and then there was a rumor kumail had covet so i'm like so i'm on the way going wait am i supposed to not do that you know there's a weird feeling of like oh am i going into some situation you were dead no idea what you're stepping into and by the way by the time you hit the stage uh mr benioff had kind of retracted what he said, he misspoke or whatever.
6:16Dana Carvey:So it wasn't, the issue was sort of gone. Right. I'm getting trickled information. All I saw in the article that said, these people stepped out, but David Spade basically gladly did it. It was sort of like that. And I'm like, that sounds, it just sounded a little itchy. So anyway, I get there. I look at the room. It's in the round, about 3000 people. It's daytime. The lights are up like you're in Ralph's or something like a grocery store no focus on you everyone's lit big screens uh well done they had metallica the night before i mean they're not fucking around these places that do these corporate gigs spend the money they get people matthew mcconaughey was reading from his poetry book katie kirk was there i think maria shriver yeah so they're peppering through all these events i'm another event yeah so i said okay uh and they said uh the other okay so anyway long story short I go do it.
7:10It was pretty fun. Listen, it's not going to be my Netflix special, but it was pretty fun. Moments of glory and some good laughs and some stuff that was sort of did okay. But that's kind of the drill in these things. So the thing is, when I leave, all good, high fives, I leave. Okay, we got it done and we got it covered. The next day, I see on Yahoo, there's a talk about it. And they're kind of talking about the comedians that dropped out.
7:37Dana Carvey:Yes. And it was kind of an indirect review from maybe not a reviewer though. I think he was a tech guy. No, I've looked him up. He usually reports on AI and tech businesses. He's new to SFGate, which is sort of the big online newspaper in San Francisco. So I believe, and I can't prove this, that he decided he should review you and he used AI. because it sounds... Oh, maybe he used it. Oh, my God. Wow. I think he's an AI expert. By the way, we were looking for one if he wants to come on. But I believe it was written kind of like a cliche review. So it feels like a generic AI. I don't know if you want me to read it, but...
8:23I'll read a little bit of it. Up to you. He's reading it because it's sort of negative, let's be honest.
8:29Dana Carvey:First, he's talking all about the dropping out of the comedians and the controversy. Then he goes to a paragraph about it. Well, he's talking about actually the whole show. He's like, and then this day, and this day we did this. So he's sort of reviewing, or just talking about the whole week. I don't know if it's reviewing, but he's just sort of, here's what happened in San Fran for one of our biggest events of the year. And then he gets, the part is two disappointing cancellations, so that's already. There was a comedy show Thursday. It was an exciting prospect. Nanjani and Glazer are a pair with different comedic styles.
9:04unafraid of punching up at techs excesses and power structures and then it goes but unforeseen circumstances so they don't put a sharp head on it but no one really knows why they both dropped out fellow comic David Spade replaced him this part stings I would have loved to see the company's list of B-list talent backups that's me I guess I was like oh I didn't think of that I go
9:33Dana Carvey:well look staying i'll say two things first of all i do believe that's ai generated i and secondarily this hey i think saturday and who doesn't do this for a living he used ai and the idea of a b-list i don't know the actual definition but let's just say let's say he's 21. he hasn't seen grown-ups he hasn't seen tommy boy he would have maybe no idea of this long career where you're selling out theaters all over the country so fucking ai does really if you're a b list that i don't know what i i don't know where i would be on that well he's here i'll continue yeah so he delivered david delivered 40 45 minutes of rambly down-home storytelling uh he made much use of his classic sarcasm but joked little about the conference its themes or san francisco and then he continued which is true uh well and and he says because it feels like spade had heard about the gig the day before flew up there jotting down the occasional ideas that's kind of true well you didn't care about it you didn't have weeks to plan it or whatever right he talked about traffic hotels planes no longer having tvs dot dot dot you get it ah that's the biggest burn of all it's this type of dog shit you get it and then he said uh blah blah but so what i think is that's about it but just that was a little stingy because when you're doing these gigs first of all they take the edges off your act you sign a contract and they send it ahead hey yeah we don't want you on the ceo we don't want you going political we don't want just keep it nice and fun nice and fun and light airplanes all that kind of stuff nothing controversial you're just there the people are going all over to these symposiums they're in class basically and they have a little reprieve of some nice comedy but you're not there to levitate the cow palace or you know make right yeah i'm not there to punch up and get and make the focus me and have people go holy shit do you think what he said now if i'm doing a theater gig you know you're not going to take any bullets out of my gun.
11:53I might go after San Francisco and the crime and the home. I might go after whatever, because there's no real boss. People are coming to see me. But I have to kind of, if you're a worker bee and you've grown up working and doing these things, when they sort of stipulate this, they can either not pay you. And for two people to fall out in the old days, that's a little tougher. Like corporations said, we'll sue you. You're not going anywhere yeah like that was like we you know but nowadays they go okay and that's nice yeah but i i'd met these people before i had a perfectly good time there this time crowd is friendly very nice have a good time we got out yeah very nice company mark benioff very
12:35Dana Carvey:nice guy and you know there are jobs this you playing a 2000 seat theater david spade you just you can do whatever you want anything anything when you take these corporate jobs they just want it to be in a certain frequency that's all i can do most of my act with certain things i'm not going to drop an f-bomb or something or things like that and it's still fun and it's no big deal but this thing was written by ai but anyway he can come on and rebut us yeah i mean i'm not really shitting on the guy i'm just saying it's all like i don't think i've gotten a corporate review it's sort of a hidden secret of the world have you never have done a thousand or more this is highly unusual to get a review for it because there is no review i've never got for corporate i i thought it was a little kick in the balls to me because if he doesn't like my act that's okay too i mean it's like sure but he felt like he went a little out of his way to go i would love to hear these people really go after the system and punch up but I don't know if that's what they were there to do either.
13:41Dana Carvey:No, I mean, you can throw in a couple of things, but they want you to be David Spade and do your standup. They hired you for a reason. This guy didn't hire you because they know you're great. You know what you're doing. You have a great act and you get laughed. But yeah, I mean, I just think it was kind of funny that you're the only one that I've ever known. In the history of comedy. The history of these type of events that got reviewed in a snarky way. When you're kind of doing a favor last minute, you're on your way to Arizona to see your mom. I mean, it wasn't your thing you were in the mode to do.
14:14Dana Carvey:So anyway, that's pretty much it. That's it. Now listen, in my defense, I made fun of the setting. It was very sort of unique, in the round, fully bright with trees everywhere. Talk about that. Did a couple of chat GPT bits. Nice. You know, just to let those tech guys really light up on those. But overall, yeah, there's no porn stuff. I don't put my stuff that, you know, there's a couple of things that work well. You go, nah, this isn't right. And you can. It isn't really a freedom of speech thing. I could say whatever I want, but do I want to get hired back? Yeah. Do I want the word in the corporate world to go, this guy is too much of a wild card?
14:49He's going to try to take your company down? Like, what's my job here?
14:53Dana Carvey:It's a job. It's a different job. You know, I mean, so they, I don't know. I still think the guy just did, it was AI. And we should send him, Tommy Boy, do a direct thing so he can - Here's something I did 110 years ago, take a look. The canon, you're building all this stuff. You did the wrong Missy, the biggest comedy of the pandemic on Netflix, like a billion views. So I know these, I got a review, I played San Francisco after my first year on Saturday Night Live, and the review from Mick LaSalle, and I think he was right. He goes, he fell in love with his own adorableness. I think I've done that.
15:38Dana Carvey:And I was a lot younger. I was cute. Oh, I'll tell you. But I got a shitty review there. But this one is just AI and the guy's 21. That's all. Well, anyway, no hard feelings, but it was kind of funny to get a review and talk about it. But okay, so we're back to our regular beginning, folks. So here's where we started the podcast. Yeah, different outfit. Oh, my God, we started. This is the most dramatic. This is going to be a banger. Just don't go anywhere because this is going to be a banger. Okay, that's good. Look at that. Look at my hair is getting all lit up again. Don't move your head too much.
16:15Dana Carvey:Listen, I'll just state this unequivocally. The Beatles, 65, they had uncoiffed hair. It was just sort of messy. And so that's what I've always been trying to get because I've maybe said this before in the podcast. My dad was an army type guy and he would basically give us crew cuts in the mid 60s. And he wanted to look like a beetle. So he'd be like, just, just, and if you look like he didn't like it, he'd cut it even shorter. We look like, we look like cue balls by the end of it. my mom would come in and go dana in the side pocket you know beatles let it be album with a four with their beards i thought that was the coolest look long hair and beards yeah because it was unkept they never had most of those rock stars in those days didn't have like stylistically combed hair except for elvis how to but that was elvis or a stylist or stylist was just unkept dana and i just got back from a gig and um it was a lot of fun we were at yamava we did a gig together it was very fun dana crushed i opened i had a problem with my set i'll tell you what it was in a minute okay well i'll tell you how did your set go because i i drove out there from where i am and it was like a four or five hour drive so i was out on my feet so then i just like I saw the first few minutes, sounded like it was going well, and I toddled back to my room.
17:46Oh, me? Yeah. No, I wanted you to go rest because you put in a full day's work.
17:50Dana Carvey:I just didn't want to come in a day early. Well, anyway, whatever. I was a little tired, but I heard on the grapevine that you crushed. Right. I heard from the audience you were killing because I was listening, and they were into it. And then I got nice comments after about you. Well, that's very nice. I will tell you this. Do you remember this? they gave us a box of our own cookies oh good you brought those this was an exceptionally nice place to play yamava i must say this is hold it way up our key david spade and dana carvey that's a cookie guys they made cookie thematically about our minuscule careers here's a a llama what but a llama what is how does that is that from me oh from your the emperor's new groove okay you got one for me slightly beat up isn't that special everyone wants to eat the church lady that's but look at that's wrong that window behind you i know glass pane man and here's a little who's scared don't that's from joe dirt fireworks they put some thought into it somebody went into like real minutiae with our careers they had one for the Dana Carvey show that only lasted seven episodes.
19:07Dana Carvey:They had one of me being born. How many episodes did that last? I'm trying to riff. My riff skills are a little off this morning. You can riff. Look, my only problem was I got two into the Scarface and I didn't quite land it. We were doing 40 minutes each. So I looked down, I'm at 35 and a half coming off of like christopher walken or somebody you're coming off micro micro impressions stacked and i had a really good taylor guitar there and i thought oh i could grab it now because it was all set i grab it it's electrified i'd already done crowd work with two people in the audience so i sing a song about them it's the most surefire killer but it's garface i just want a little too long and i thought later if i'm doing tony montana at thanksgiving dinner for people don't know every bit i've repeated sweet potatoes all the thing like that and then he gets mad at this grandma that we never identify grandma you're like oh my god so he goes off in this minutia for like five minutes and i just thought he should have said the ending he goes what you gotta say grandma what you got to say and then you come back with wildly well well well we like ourselves don't we scarface and that would have been fucking tie it up tie it up my god the lady's back she's taking down scarface talk about a mashup no it was it was it i always crush i like your casualness you're not i I was actually walking behind the curtain.
20:50Dana Carvey:It was a huge stage when Bobby was on, Bobby Miyamoto, killing himself, just to get physically used to moving. I go out there to Gumbam style, and I'm dancing around. And you kind of stroll out. What's up? Take it easy. You're kind of like, and it's much cooler. Well, it's hard because, as anyone knows, Dana's known in the business is hard to follow. So I just go, well, this is just a change up. different style they like us both we could have flipped it either way and it was fun it worked out yeah next time i liked it and they were nice i had people come in danny you didn't know this you know high rollers if you don't know this when you're in a casino caesars uh next year and the first two rows these shows are all almost just built for high rollers there's a lot of paper they want to bring people into gamble like that's why they have different acts they have tim mcgraw coming up, Carrie Underwood, they have us.
21:47So what happens is you want to get every facet of the community to go, I need a reason to go to this casino. And I've never been there, but I want to see these guys. Or I want to see Carrie. So I've done that. I go, you go there and now you're walking in. You're probably eating at a restaurant there. There's money. You play a few slots, bet a few things, roulette, see the show. Basically, they just want you to touch base in the show and then go back out.
22:13Dana Carvey:they do not really want the show to exceed 90 minutes yeah if it was two minutes they'd be happy because they just touch us and then go back in the casino gamble again drink again have fun and then they have an experience like oh yamava is a nice place and then they remember that so they're gonna go we could just go there on a non-show night because like we ate at a nice restaurant you know well that's very very nice i played a hotel in vegas for a number of years that was not as nice as that you know just the carpet was nice the rooms were clean i know which one you're talking about you know i mean it was the theater was perfectly fine but it wasn't this this yamavob place was exceptionally uh nice and and easy to work with but yeah i just um you know uh next time i'll go a second if you want by the way it was it was so lucky of me that you didn't walk over and pick up that guitar because i said he's killing so hard anyway and me and bobby were like oh no if he gets that guitar i'm just gonna go home uh it's too hard to follow it's so good guy well look i don't know about follow or not follow because uh you're you're the greats the greats uh stand-ups i'm sorry i sneezed i don't know what i said the type of time um but the guitar is a lethal weapon i started using it in honky-tonk clubs in the 80s you know show us your dick you know hell's angels attacked me beer you know the comedy underground the second show on friday when there's a bar they're coming right from the bar then i just started doing guitar stuff just to make noise and survive it also calms and like they it's hard to yell over that and it just gets you to listen i only regret because they went to the they got it for me they tuned it yeah they were tailor and the sound was big but i'll get to it next time you know at the very end you were in slumbering but um i'm kidding it was you know it goes a little late so they were a good crowd for being later and the last five minutes i kid you not two high rollers came in and sat in the front row like this and i go you are not just getting here and they go i go you see dana they go i go you know i go you know what i go you know these people because i said bow to the high rollers because they basically go we're coming into gamble we're high rose front row to spade and carvey front row to any other show best restaurant best table we might come to the show have the tickets ready and they go that's right high roller you get whatever you want and that's so that first time i heard the phrase paper you know we're gonna paper it what do you mean well they're gonna have high rollers they're not gonna charge them for the show and if you get 100 200 of those you're you're halfway there i probably told you this once but it's a story that it relates to this and i'm quoting it exactly it was at the old the wind is there now the desert in or something like that anyway i was doing a sound check which i normally do and there's kind of like dems and does guys was running the show dems and does so i accidentally asked him it becomes an accident i go how are the ticket sales he said quote you know what do i give a shit i got indonesians dropping 16 lodge upstairs what do i give a shit i got indonesians dropping 16 lodge upstairs so the indonesians who are wealthy get their own private suite with young ladies and the whole thing and they bet a shit ton of money so what do i give a shit i got indonesians dropping 16 large upstairs it's so perfect kevin nealon i think it was said he did a vegas and he you know he's supposed to headline they go do like 45 he did 48 he got off and the guy goes what the fuck are you doing three minutes they could be out in the fucking casino what are you doing you're trying to kill me he's like oh i didn't i thought it'd be better if i went along he goes who the fuck wants you to go along get off yeah well dennis is always he's somebody who uh has show business he knows show business so when he played this hotel he used to play he would time it where he would leave his room full stride I don't know if he had someone hold the elevator or not and then he's walking right onto the stage as they're introducing him he's not there's no small talk there's no green room he just walks right to the mic destroys for an hour because that's Dennis right and then there's a clock and as soon as it hits 60 even if he's in the middle of a bit thank you and good night and he just kills but he's just like there's no settling in bits like i walk out hey guys oh i used to come to san bernardino all the time because i'm in a gang uh and so you know what i mean so and then they go ah and then but dennis walks out and he just goes Ronald Reagan will be 77 Everyone's like, oh, we're starting, okay And that goes to You know, what's the one where I don't even let my grandfather Use the remote control Ronald Reagan is 77 at the end of his next term And he has access to the button Okay, to put it in perspective My grandfather's 77 We don't let him use the remote control On the TV set Packing for a weekend lake trip Means managing a massive checklist And the last thing I want to do is fight the crowded store aisles for snacks and drinks.
27:44That's why Instacart can help me with my busy schedule. I use the app to get pre-cut fruit, cold drinks, sandwich ingredients ready before we head out. It gives me precious time back so we can hit the road sooner and stay longer.
27:58Dana Carvey:That's right. Instacart enables delivery from your favorite local stores with an easy-to-use platform where shoppers care about getting your order right. You get a seamless experience you can trust with quality items carefully selected and ready for pickup or at your door in as fast as 30 minutes. It lightens your load so you can focus on making memories. Instacart brings convenience, quality, and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app now and get groceries just how you like. Comedy royalty, Kate McKinnon returns as Queen Mortuana In Heads Will Roll, Air Apparent The highly anticipated sequel to Audible's fan-favorite original comedy series She's flanked once more by co-star Emily Lynn And a new star-studded ensemble including Richard Kind Laurie Metcalf, Jimmy Fallon, Megan Mullaly Sam Richardson and Carrie Coon Plus an extensive cast of comedy greats Seriously extensive This is wall-to-wall comedy at the highest level when we last left our gloriously unhinged queen and her raven sidekick jojo the unlikely besties had fled to the woods for a simpler life well it did not last uh queen mo is back on the throne and heir apparent and facing her greatest challenge yet produce an heir before her 40th birthday or lose everything and spend eternity as keeper of the menstruary it's a very sticky sitch Meanwhile, Jojo's botched wing enhancement surgery Turns her into a toad Leading to unexpected interspecies romance And a choice between royal duty and normal life With her thrown on the line Mo and Jojo embark on an increasingly unhinged scheme To secure succession Part medieval mayhem Part razor-sharp social commentary Heads will roll Air Apparent is fantasy comedy for the ages.
29:58Dana Carvey:It has everything. Trad wives, polycules, Sasquatch, mercenaries, milk people, toad on mole romance, a child named Barbara. Seriously, everything, David. When was the last time you heard of a child named Barbara? Well, don't miss a moment of Kate McKinnon and the killer cast in Headsville Roll Air Apparent. Seed a child or seed the throne. Listen to Headsville Roll Air Apparent, available now on audible go to audible.com slash heads will roll series to start listening today you know how we always remember the quirkiest bit so dennis had another one you know they're coming out with that craftmatic bed these days have you seen that you know getting that v going you know what you wake up and you go wait a minute did i blow myself last night yeah you get that v going it's decision time Should I suck my own dick?
30:52Yeah Is that weird?
30:54Dana Carvey:He tagged it with that I'm sure Yeah But the best The Lee Harvey Oswald He goes I haven't seen choreography that smooth Since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer Boom Yeah and he goes Jesus He goes And he goes Look at that They pull him in They go Hey boss Jack Ruby's here He owns a local strip club He's got a handgun Should I let him in? Yeah Who the fuck are they turning away? he was probably the times where i had to follow dennis because we used to meet him and kevin went out a little bit and we'd flip a coin you had to deal with that energy because that last 15 pelosi and it's like a wave of just the his rhythm and that sarcasm and all the references and then here comes Dana Garney in that special take me a while man to deal with that shit I got something else to tell you I'm going to read you something you didn't know that's hard because I know a lot even Heather will like this this is just some fun facts about playing cards I didn't know I learned this 52 cards the traditional playing cards thing okay yeah oh I thought you already knew it yep 52 cards in a deck was that the question?
32:12Dana Carvey:No, there's more to it. 52 cards equals 52 weeks in a year. Yes. Four suits is the four seasons. Yes. Black and red is day, night. 13 cards equals 13 weeks in a season in each suit. No one's shocked yet. Are you shocked yet? I love this. I'm a little, I'm just, I'm really curious. Why it's all tied into this one thing. Also, who invented these traditional playing cards? I don't know. The last one is if you add the cards together and go ace, ace, two, two, two, it's 364. If you add them all. And then 365 days is the Joker for Leap Year. It's pretty cool. Isn't that cool if it all fits? If it's not full on bullshit?
33:04Dana Carvey:Would you rather be able to... It's fucking AR. I got a question for you now. Would you rather be able to juggle really well? Or would you rather be able to be one of those guys who's playing cards, you know, the Lance Burks, and they're playing them out, and then they're gone? I think the cards. It's too cool. I would say the cards. Palming cards. I saw a guy the other day palming. He goes, there's your card. And he goes, no cards, no cards. There's your card. And I go, I never know what's going on. Yeah, when they do the sleeve, and they're like, there's the card, and there's no card. It's unreal.
33:38Dana Carvey:I love it. Lance Burton was always, man, was he brilliant, is brilliant. Lance Burton, remember him? Yeah. He'd be like this. Hey, folks, how you doing? Then he'd have a lit candle in his hand. You know, what's up? He's in a tuxedo and lit candle. And then he goes like that and it's gone. Oh, yeah. He's Gervis' guy. You've seen Lance Burton? He's pretty good. You got to go see him. I'll get you in. Half off. What about Gervis? I'm doing a little trick to you. Watch. I know. It looks good. That phone, I didn't know where it went.
Read the full transcript
34:14Dana Carvey:Lance Burton yeah he was one of Lance Burton's guys so just for the people at home that like to hear Gervit stories I guess Dana doesn't like money he goes I'm coming to your show lucky you and I go great brings his kid and Tommy from the office and then they go nice boys I got a booth for us I know you like booths because you're a little baby so we got a booth 515 I go 515 are we going to get sunburned I go, and we do have a quick meet and greet right before, but I go by 15. Uh, I go, what do we do? Do I go back to my roommate? I think it's a little smidge early. He goes, Nope. You know, it gets crazy in there.
34:52And a lot of people come to the show 3000 people. I go, all right, well let's maybe a little later. And he goes, why later? And I go, he goes, we got to get on this. I go, well, I don't want to rot for five. I don't go on. Cause till nine. so we so at 458 he goes downstairs everything's just two syllables with a chirping positive downstairs got your booth why not oh i want a tuna sandwich i can't eat it my jaw hurts oh my neck that's his impression of me so i go well i'll order something but i just got in i think dana's gonna lay around for a second so i go i'll come down but i feel guilty he's already there and then I take a shower and get ready and then I write my set list and I send him an order just to buy some time.
35:40Okay, order's in. Within seconds, I go. Order's in. Now what I got to do is eat it. Now what? I got some bread. I'll save you some. I got you a napkin. A napkin's all ready. I folded it.
35:52Dana Carvey:I was smart about that because I did the math and said, I'm going to relax here. I'm going to go over my stand-up notes and I'm going to order room service because I know it'll be fast because everyone's in the casino. And then I'm going to toddle in at 630, have a little water because too much small talk and too much backstage chatter kind of takes a little bit of energy. So by the time you go on stage, you're like exhausted. So I felt sorry for you down there. I go, fuck, Spade's getting wiped out down there. I'm just relaxing up here with my notes. I finally text you. I go, Dana, come. Because dinner was over.
36:30Dana Carvey:It was a desperate text. Pretty much, where are you? Well, we were having fun, actually. Gervitz is fun to hang out with. No, it is fun. It's just energy before the show. And it was like 6.30. I'm like, Dana, get down here. And then we'll all just hang out there instead of the green room because it was a nice place. And then his kid goes, you don't understand. We got here at 2. And I go, why 2? And he goes, ask him. And Mark goes, got to get here early. Got to set up. Got to make sure everything's OK. Got to gamble a little bit. Jackson, here's$10. Walk around for five hours. Spend it really well.
37:00Dana Carvey:It just, those guys were just young strapping guys, like six foot, handsome young men walking around the casino. But anyway, this is what you said to me at 631. Are you coming down? Coming spelled C-O-M-G denotes a bit of panic. Are you coming down? We finished just hanging. Yeah, meaning you don't have to order, you don't do anything. I said, yeah, I was about to leave the room. What's your problem? I said, where are you? I don't want to go to the Pinecone restaurant. Fuck, and we went to the Pinecone. You know what happened to me? I met a super fan. Oh, boy, here's a super fan because I was fluffed and folded, looking like Dana Florent.
37:41Dana Carvey:Oh, you brought them over. Well, then she goes, oh, you're with David Spade. Can I give this to him? So I said, just follow me because she didn't seem dangerous. So I walked in, and then she handed you something, and that was it. She goes, I'm your biggest fan. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I go, Dana. No, I mean, she did get, you know, do a soft headlock, which I thought was rude. Hey, come here, you. It was legal. Come on. In UFC. Yeah, she gave me a note because I did a favor for her. That's right. That's what she said. She was a nice person. I kept the note, which was nice. I can read the room, David.
38:19Dana Carvey:I knew she wasn't, you know. Yeah. I can read the room. I can read the fan. All right. What else did you do before we get to the headlines? What else do you got? Well, it's just the week of Trump right now so far, obviously, because of the ceasefire and the hostages being released. And it was really funny. Yeah. Well, that I wanted to talk about. I mean, obviously, Time Magazine and Trump are not best friends, but this peace thing. This is a reluctant cover. so somebody somebody at time magazine went up to the editor okay we're putting them on the cover we have to the hostages are back there could be a peace deal what picture would you like well sir um we have one where it's from below which shows kind of the folds in his neck yeah what's the look like he's completely bald how about he has yeah three wispy hairs or a cloud above his head that is so funny that they're like we got to put them on but what is the absolute worst let's go right up his nose right under his chin and then it's i hate to use your term vagina neck but he might have a little bit of it it's unfair because the shirt with a tie pulls your neck together like that yeah well look at us i mean basically a good foot trump does a lot like his mugshot if they can find that was straightforward he took one of the best mugshots during all those trials and it's straightforward he juts his jaw and so this one was i thought it was just funny that they they must have been laughing well they go back did they put his name on it they don't put his name on it no it doesn't even say trump on there it said this fucking guy it said this fucking guy yeah i mean come on could you have any other time magazine things you can pull up Greg of a regular one like with Clinton or Obama or something because that is just I thought it was pretty funny.
40:27I wouldn't even put that on fucking Instagram.
40:30Dana Carvey:Christ you know he's got more folds in his neck than the Ben Folds five. Ben Folds five. Okay there we go. Obama's that many. Man look at Obama's straightforward. There's a couple repeats on there. Third from the top right click on that that is a great picture and the one with hope is everywhere that that was our third from the left it's just his face for well they're all great that probably got him the election that hope one oh yeah that one with the three colors trump's basically 80 and this is obama became president at what 45 also he didn't have any folds in his neck that's the thing the thing i to say which i did i did in my stand up at the casino you did oh my i was about how it's hard to compliment trump if you have a problem with him so they'd sort of i just want to say there was the peace deal was a great thing releasing the hostages one of want to give a shout out to senator ruby or secretary rubio and jared kushner and um and um excuse me who's that no i said christianer
41:48Dana Carvey:so i mean i did that i did that and then i did it i hatched it on our podcast and then i did it at the casino and it killed that's always fun um okay what next story what else let's get into some stories my fire alarm went off i don't know if you want to hear about that i i would were you scared? so boring I scared shitless dude it was 2am oh it was 2am it's pouring rain 2am and not just that not that one which will drive you bonkers but like full sirens and fire fire oh shit not even questioning it's a fire so I pop out with no plan but I'm scared my heart's beating a million miles and then it stops and I'm like I don't even know what to do.
42:37And here's how crazy I am. I think someone did something. I put a match up to a smoke alarm to flush me out of my bedroom. Like they're trying to rob their place. So I freaked out. Well. It is thought. It could be the hot air in the brains room. Oh, really? Maybe. That's been a while. You know the brains of a house where you have like.
42:59Dana Carvey:Yeah. They get hot. You know, all these. Got too warm inside a room. And it might be kicking off. But it took this long. I've been here three or four years. But anyway, it went off. I pooped my pants, obviously freaked out. And then it stopped, but I couldn't. I was like, are firemen coming? It was terrifying. Couldn't sleep for an hour. Oh, terrible. And then, you know, just whacked off, went to bed, whatever I do normally, and it is to calm down. And then, so I wake up. Then I'm scared all day. We look in and we go, it'll never happen again. That night, again, fire, fire. At the same time or just at night?
43:34After our gig when I got home. I had five in the morning this time. Never in the day. Too convenient.
43:41Dana Carvey:AI will solve this, but that is... You want to know the weirdest thing I've ever seen at night? Or did you have to finish your thoughts? Oh, well, yesterday we fixed him and Heather got electrocuted. Is it really fixed? Was it just a reboot kind of thing? He doesn't care. No one cares. I'm telling you, you can try everyone and no one bites on that. They go, oh, cool. So she's alive or dead. Anyway, so it's... I electrocuted, Dana. You did? You did? You fell away? I fell on the ladder. Oh, you got a shock and fell down? 120 volts. 120 volts. Wow, what does that feel like? Your whole body. Your whole body goes blah, blah, blah.
44:21Dana Carvey:Jeez. But no one's giving her enough empathy. Did you have gloves on? Did you have gloves on? We did not have shit because we were ragtag mission. Put the ladder up. Get up. I tried it. She tried it. I tried it. Unscrew, unscrew. Unplug. Forget the battery. you gotta get the wires out and our guy goes it won't shock you naturally he's like okay it might shock you a little bit we're like so he came over today he's doing all of them redoing all of them because I'm too scared I would pay money to not have that all this stuff wears you down I mean I go Dana I go I'll pay anything I just want this to stop he goes alright we're gonna each one's gonna cost this much I go hey whoa I said I'll pay anything and then he goes I'll pay either 40 bucks for a new one.
45:07I go, Hey, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.
45:10Dana Carvey:Well, we bought a new range, brand new superstar range range. And they put it in the kitchen. I had to take the old one out for 50 years old, man. It's gorgeous. But if you put it to 400, the oven heats to three 50. So you have to put it to four 50. So it was just bugging us. Like what was wrong? So a guy came out like, Hey, I'll fix this. You know, usually the customer is too stupid to understand. he's got the whole thing taken apart. He's on his knees in the kitchen. He's on the phone. I don't know, man. I don't know, man. So they're coming back. Ah, more. I want to tell you the scariest I've ever been in the night.
45:50Go ahead.
45:53Dana Carvey:Living in Encino. Didn't really understand or was, I knew what a possum was, was not aware of possums in particular. So there's the alarm goes off. we believe that we're looking at a rat the side of border collie like it seemed like a 70 pound rat yeah and we're both flipped out and then we had to go oh shit it's going away and it's it's 2 a.m oh it's a possum it's a possum but that one blink of a rat that big stayed with me i thought the scaredest you had been is when you had pressure on your chest from a ghost when you're on a trip well that was more well that was an actual poltergeist pressing down on me it wasn't an illusion it wasn't a mistake impossible rat it was just because it happened then i go i must have been in a waking dream state oh i'll go back to sleep then happened right again when i was awake as i am you know and then remember when you had that illusion yeah yeah no that was this heavy weight, you know, about 150 pounds on me.
46:59Dana Carvey:Terrifying. I realized it was you. I went, Spade. I woke up my wife. Don't we have a show tonight? Let's get on the pod. You're like, hey, buddy. Wake up, Dana. Get off me. This is a nice hotel. Get off me. I'm trying to do Chris Farley. Get off. I'm starving. Lay off me. i'm starving uh okay let's go to that story this is a story you gave you had about ai okay i just want to set this up that this is real and this is the future and you're seeing this at some port in america where everything is a robot controlled by a or china yeah or china i think it's china oh really beep boop boop boop oh see they don't crash nope there there's no road rage at all no road rage all look at how close they come yep not right in self-driving tetris yep i can handle that we we would usually in america have a guy like this with a flag and something like this but everything yeah everything comes off the boat everything is moved everything is moved to another a truck or something without employees and that's what i call a secular trend you know what a secular trend is?
48:23No, sir.
48:25Dana Carvey:It's just things that aren't political. They're sort of like, you know, people are aging, they're living longer. And now we're seeing robotics, AI basically doing all these jobs. Fighting it every step of the way. And that's not whoever is the president or the Congress. We're just transitioning into this world. Well, it saves money and that's what's making a go that's a job of the corporation is to be more productive people that have jobs you have no jobs and it's i know so universal basic income how much do you think it should be when there's just no jobs you got to give people oh uh it'll probably no 50 000 i don't know is that it too high too low i don't know i mean every I don't know what you'll be doing.
49:17We need money for gas. It will be like a microchip in your hand and you'll have to just go, I get this. I have carbon points against me. I can't do anything. It takes money out of your bank. I mean, the future, I think those things are sort of happening.
49:33Dana Carvey:Well, you know, this slow transition to a lot of four-day weeks and stuff with companies, you know, three-day weekends or work from home or because of the uh ai and machinery and automation you know like a mcdonald's might have one or two employees instead of eight or nine you know because of automation so that's the first thing that's the planning jobs but i think initially you know a thousand a month is a good barrier for people who have some kind of job and have some income but another thousand a month net keeps them did I go too high well I I don't know it's depend how many how do we do it I don't know this is the you know Elon Musk is talking about we gotta give we're gonna have to give uh all uh money to people uh we're gonna give money uh there won't be jokes Gerberts what Heather check in with him see what he wants losing his mind Gerberts keeps calling and interrupting the podcast he keeps track of our schedule he knows they're doing a podcast no I don't I I talked to Steve and marty it's a nice little run you start in toronto that's all i'll say he has so many comedians he's like uh steve martin and martin short are his favorites to put on the road i went and saw steve and marty yeah i know they do a lot of dates they're great all right next story next story let's see next story keep it rolling keep moving we're just rolling right along my glowing hair where does that door go into where's the door go into the air to the air i don't know biggest question i get is where do these doors go in my new place um so you can actually open these doors we're not supposed to because they're helping safety stuff but you can't open them yeah i don't really like heights so i'm not opening it but when you move into a place like this high basically you get given parachutes so if anything happens you have to open one of them doors and just send it is that true is that true he's got a parachute in his closet and if there's something happens he'll parachute out just picture like a cruise design the building well if there was some sort of 9-11 situation you're up there you'd be like if this is my only option and you have it you're so high i would never live one of those buildings but if you're so high what do you got to get a phillips and take the hinges off the door first it doesn't what's the highest you've lived the highest building you've lived in oh not much i mean even new york it was probably like 12th floor i don't like when your ears pop on an elevator i don't like that i my first year there i was in a 44th floor at the bromley columbus circle no then eventually i went to the bromley it was like three floors you You could jump if there was a dumpster and be safe.
52:19You knew who lived at the Bromley? You, Mike, Farley for a while.
52:24Dana Carvey:Me first, then they all came in. Yeah, they did. They followed because they go, who do we know? And someone says, oh, the Bromley's nice. I was Upper West Side, but I never got to the Bromley. It was too rich for my blood. But I think even Nealon, maybe Dennis. Well, it was great. I mean, they had big, big windows, and you're kind of on top of a movie theater. you could leave for a movie starting at two o 'clock at 159 and still be early. So, you know, and it was Columbus. Columbus Avenue was a block away and it's Columbus Cafe. And, you know, it's like a really, really good place to live.
53:01Yeah. So it was by Columbus Cafe that John went to a lot. I went there a lot. Yeah. Columbus was cool. What is Toyota affordability? It's buying smart. Right now, your local Toyota dealer has great deals available on some of the most reliable trucks on the market. Like the off-road Ready Tacoma, Rugged, Full-Sized Tundra, and Legendary 4Runner. All with space, tech, and features to handle it all. From the work side to the trails. It means driving for less with efficient hybrid options available, extending your overall driving range and delivering great MPGs. meaning bigger savings at the pump without sacrificing power.
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54:24Let's go places. Hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break, all right? Not just any break. This is a refreshing break with Snapple. We all know about Snapple's iconic real facts. So let's take a minute to go over some of my faves.
54:38Dana Carvey:Snapple Real Fact 455. Movie trailers used to come on at the end of the movies, but no one stuck around to watch them. I've heard that. Snapple Real Fact 831. Adults laugh only about 15 to 100 times a day, while preschoolers laugh an average of 300 times a day. Snapple Real Fact 1983. The first player drafted to play pro football never played in the league. That's interesting. Snapple Real Fact 1274. Kickball is referred to as soccer baseball in some parts of Canada. Hmm. So grab a Snapple. Take a second. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the moment. Because let's be honest, this might be the most refreshing part of your day.
55:23Snapple, make your break more interesting. You know we're supported by Ring. Everyone knows Ring. With Ring, it's protected. Look, a lot of our shopping happens online an alarming amount. an embarrassing amount. I'm talking everything from late night snack hauls to random gadgets we absolutely don't need, but some I have to have. And when you're recording or just out and about, the last thing you want to be wondering is, did my package get delivered or adopted by someone else? That's where ring comes in. The battery doorbell lets you keep track of packages and actually see what's happening in front door.
55:57No guessing, no stress. And if you want to really level your setup, the Outdoor Cam Plus has a wide field of view with that crisp retinal 2K video. So even at night, your yard isn't getting away with anything.
56:11Dana Carvey:You can even upgrade to 4K cameras and doorbells with rings, retinal vision, which means super clear footage and the ability to zoom in without everything turning into a blurry mess. It's perfect for identifying whether that's your package or your neighbor pretending it's theirs. For me, it's just peace of mind, whether it's packages, the yard, keeping an eye on things when you're busy, your dog, whatever. Ring makes it easy and reliable. Your door, your yard, your home. Honestly, it's the only way I know what I panic bought at 2 a.m. And with Ring, it's protected. Shop cameras, doorbells, and more right now at ring.com.
56:50Okay, next one.
56:56Something about the richest man in. man in china just bought a facility in new hampshire now what is he doing he actually bought it for his beverage company for over 60 million dollars way over the asking price and it's right next to what the town's water supply he's gathering 2 million gallons per day for his beverage company so now the chinese have control of new hampshire's water supply allow a whole other country to buy up freeways because they bought highways in your hometown farmland highways so the chinese just bought the data you know those fast lanes what they call them in uh the speed lanes yeah speed lanes right they just bought a highway that's it either what what can't they buy well i know that chicago sold the rights of the parking meters in town to saudi arabia or saudi arabia because they needed quick money and now they're they're making a billion dollars more than they thought they would and so they really saudi won that one but all that money goes to them now so i don't know could you buy things in china from america could you buy the same things i think that's the point of that whole thing is are we being dumb
58:14Dana Carvey:that is uh that's the whole kind of issue i guess is like can they can buy our stuff can we buy their stuff they can sell us their stuff can we sell our stuff that's that whole tariff thing right which every president has tariffs but trump went a little bigger we're gonna go big we're gonna go big we're gonna go big and when the people get mad now he'll go i'm the hostage guy leave me alone remember you just gotta wait it's gonna be good it's gonna be good i mean it is interesting how much the stock market just goes crazy if trump says something or jerome powell what happened with bitcoin the other day took a shit it took a mother i don't know it took the dirtiest shit it was like at 124 and in 30 minutes it dropped like 109 and then the raw i'm not going to say which ones but there was some apps that wouldn't let you buy low they're like we're having difficulties and i think there's one dude that bought and then it back up and he do you do you and i'm just gonna say this john kennett center now david you be honest here do you understand bitcoin i do not i've i've had people who are you know this is the future and i've severed i've never quite grasped it i know because gold is like 4100 an ounce so I could see a hedge, alternative currency, but I don't know why it goes up to a million dollar a coin in 2030.
59:48I mean, someone could explain it to us, but all I know is in my dealings with it, I buy high, sell low.
59:59Dana Carvey:You think you should buy low, sell high. I know, I think I heard it wrong because I definitely got out. I didn't really lose money, but it went up and then it sort of came back down and then I got scared. I just have some which I'd set a level that I can afford to lose it. It was just like in case it goes to 3 million a coin. I don't want to be, you know, it was chump change. Sitting here with my dick in my hand. Dick in my hand. Yeah. I agree. I don't have any left, but I do have a Pokemon card. No, I don't have anything really. I understand the premise of a company that makes goods or services that people really like and pay for those goods and services.
1:00:44Dana Carvey:And then the company gushers in all this money and has net earnings and so forth. I understand that. But Bitcoin as an alternative currency, I can understand it. And the built in scarcity that they have. So basically, this is what I have a hard time wrap my mind around. There's a seventh grader in 2009. Hey, man, I'm going to buy some Bitcoin, dude. I don't know. How much is it? It's about four cents a Bitcoin. I'm going to buy 500 of them. And then by 2016, that guy's worth 50 billion and gets out. He's like a high school senior. That I don't understand. I definitely would get out. I would never be the guy that keeps this all in the whole time.
1:01:29I would be like, I'm going to trickle it out even if it goes up, but I'm going to get something out of this shit. because when FTX went down, that's why I sold mine because I go, oh, I didn't know it could go to zero.
1:01:39Dana Carvey:I thought it could just go up and down, but everything went like this isn't even. FTF? FTX was when. Oh, that thing. Tom Brady was tied into it. A cryptocurrency. Some crypto thing just flattened and I go, oh, I don't like this. Somebody could be just scamming. Well, do you understand this concept? the greater fool theory the greater fool theory is that you buy an asset say bitcoin and eventually it goes up and up and up you bought it for like three thousand a coin now it's a hundred thousand coin so for you to make money you got to sell it to someone who's not disturbed by getting in at a hundred thousand thousand so all you need is a greater fool to sell it to get out convert it to cash dollars and then buy a mansion but i'm not against bitcoin i hope it works out for the friends of mine that are in it i hope it has thesis it already has you know 120 bitcoin thousand anyway okay next one let's see and then we'll wrap up we're getting we'll wrap up we're getting in we're getting deep in the weeds it's been a great episode okay okay this just says the word machine Oh, I know what this is.
1:02:57Dana Carvey:I thought it's not heavy. I watch these every night. It's heavy. How much time do I need to do the same waiting? Two, two years of training? I would say at least four. These guys are musclemen explaining to the janitor. We have to get Anatoly. Is it okay? I will just try with you. Try to do the same exercise. These guys are the hilarious looking muscles. Look how fucking roided they are. And look at his little suit and his beard. He just picks it up. He's a professional weightlifter, but they don't know it. It's so great. Look at him. He looks at himself. He's one of the strongest men for his size in the world.
1:03:42They use two hands. They can barely pick it up.
1:03:44Dana Carvey:Yeah.
1:03:49I'm naturally strong.
1:03:51Dana Carvey:oh it's so funny when they shit on him they go are you kidding bro you're gonna hurt yourself that guy's that guy's the knock off the ball i can't believe no one has seen it enough he can still go into gyms and fool people but anatoly is a world-class weight lifter like he can bench like you know 500 pounds and deadlift 600 pounds he's incredibly strong for 510 170 and he goes in there He puts on a fake beard and he does have a bit of an accent, but he plays like the idiot. Guys, you mind if I get in there? It's like Borat coming in. And they go, yeah, they think you're going to, they say, man, you're going to hurt yourself, man.
1:04:32Dana Carvey:No, I just want to show you great technique. And then he does it and then they go to the face. Yeah, he's like JonBenet with it. I watch these all the time. My algorithm feeds that. I probably watched 10 of them last night. It's funny. I don't really like prank ones, but that one is good because nobody gets hurt. It's just funny. It's not really mean. it's just yeah no it's not me how do i do this it's like remember we should go to a comedy club and just put on big beards and go sorry we don't really know we're first time could we please do comedy you know i don't know if it would be quite it's like when jewel went in and did karaoke with a wig like she was just part of the girls from the office and then everyone's like she's fucking good i don't know we probably i'd probably bomb anyway by going too long with my scar face bit
1:05:19Dana we all loved it
1:05:22Dana Carvey:oh it's great to have a you know I sort of think to myself huh here I am 50 years in kind of or 40 years in and I still really care you know that I that I get a lot of laughs and I kind of wonder I go it's not going to change my life but it's the same vibe same feel you want to do good every time you get hired you want them to say you're worth the money we're glad we hired you you did a good job you were nice to people you made everyone happy that's i'm glad i still have that too i don't like just walk in there and go i don't give a shit like oh no i it's it's the exact same thing when i do corporates i know that a lot of great comedians have come before me over the years and so i always want them to say well you were the best it's just it's my 10 year old boy of competitiveness you know right sometimes they go oh you know after your show they walk you back they go you know who really killed here was um and i go that's all i don't even need to hear the name that's fine i know you know who it probably was sinbad i thought it was you i just did one where they go dana's on our next one i was like yeah uh i go to the trouble of spending a half hour online looking at the company and then i do stuff about them that's my my little hat that's smart you know i put an effort i mean i'm in the hotel room i'm waiting they're paying me a you know very good money to do what i'm doing so you're like is dale watkins here from the executive branch of sales division they're like dale i heard you i have all my shtick i'll say to the minions that are there to guide me through i go so what do you i'm sorry but what do you want me to do again is it is it stand up or can i just play the guitar and they get they take it seriously and sing songs can i just talk to the people yeah is it just sort of a am i just answering questions about the company right am i like what do you mind if i mean i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do here i was hired but um could i'd like to sing a little bit first seriously you know so can we play duck duck goose have you ever had him go don't do literally anything about the ceo don't look at him don't say anything don't do anything they say no political statements yeah that's why i always say i don't i don't do political i roll up the whatever flag of whatever country i go oh for real okay oh okay so that there goes my chunk there goes my 20 minutes in the middle uh but the way i do it it's not political statements it's just political comedy different all right well i think everyone i think everyone's walking away a little dumber today and uh we learned about the greater fool theory we learned about automation so planning jobs and we try to entertain but if we can educate we're very happy i think everyone's like this is like college yeah some people have to lie down they get they put a cold compress on their floor they have so much all the intellectual stimulation these two dipshits are talking about so many things i can't even god why didn't we call this podcast these two dipshits.
1:08:36That's such a good word. It's a good word. Okay, well, Dana, I'll see you next week probably.
1:08:42Dana Carvey:See you next week. Same bat time. Same bat channel.
1:08:52Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.
1:09:20Dana Carvey:Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweetech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.
From the publisher
A emergency intro discussing David caught up in the Salesforce CEO drama. Then, Dana and David recap their recent Vegas gig and having to bow to high rollers. David even shares fun facts about cards before they do all kinds of impressions of their manager (Marc Gurvitz), discuss the week of Trump and various house issues they are facing. They get into other news, plus explain the full ins and outs of the crypto world and how to crush a corporate stand up gig.
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