SUPERFLY #63 - Spoiler Alert!

0:00It's called a rabbit hole, David. And we went down it. We went down it, but it did remind me of, I have not been to the Funny Bone in Yugoslavia, but I did do the Brea improv last week to get ready for the tour. David Spade.com. Yes. Yeah. So I do the tour. So I have to warm up. You've done this, Danny. You go to clubs. But you have to mix in some new stuff. So it's a little tricky. Especially when the special comes out. when the special comes out i have to integrate a mix for a while so what do you what's your how many how many minutes do you have right now that are not part of the special three four no i got like six six minutes so hard earned money get your david spade tickets well it's the special and then there will be some yeah of course i mean it would just always be evolving.

0:56I mean, when I started my last tour to do the special, it was just different by the end, you know, because I'm adding and subtracting. And so it's always in a flux of being mixed around. Sometimes I'll pull old bits from the first special or I'll do this and that, but Brea, here's my hot opener. You want to hear it? Okay. Brea is a 400 seat improv theater in the town of Brea. Brea, California. It's inland about an hour and a half. considered an improv as part of the improv ecosystem i think it was 600 cedar it's pretty big it's like 600 god cha-ching good one all right let me introduce you ladies and gentlemen from you know him from shoot just shoot me and uh rules of engagement please welcome dana spudley so spudley comes out you come out um and then i say oh my god it's great to be here and Brea, did you know what your city's motto is?

1:53No one knows. And I say, it's Brea, almost bread. Does that get us? Nothing. And then I go, you'll get the D when you get here. I go, how would city council think of that? So you're either on a roll or you've just dug a hole. They laugh anyway because they don't know. Even if they don't get it, they go, oh, Brea is spelled like almost bread. I got it. Well, you're like, you're famous, man. Hanging out with you is like hanging out with Mickey Mouse at Disney. I mean, I just fade into the background, which I do love. But yeah, you are famous. Riddle me this, like your special's coming out and the name of it is, which I love.

2:36I got a feel for this. Got a feel for this. That is so perfect for you. And of course you did that in the 50th and. Oh no, wait, wait, Dana. I just got a correction. The tour is I got a feel for this. The special is Dandelion. We just announced the special finally on Amazon. Now we can talk about it. Oh, okay. Got it. Can I hear the backstory of Dandelion just for a second? Yeah, I'm just, there's a bit in there where I talk about when I almost got in a fight at McDonald's. And I say I'm a bit of a Dandelion, but you wouldn't believe it from seeing how tough I am on TV and in the movies. Okay.

3:11Yeah. And so I go, I cannot. And because the guy I'm fighting has a cinder block. And I'm like, I cannot get hit by a cinder block. Not with these brittle bones, folks. It's just like I'm always getting pushed around and I'm such a fucking puss. You're like sort of, what are those things when you're a kid and you blow on them and they're willow, they kind of fly away? That's a dandelion. Oh, that is a dandelion. Yeah. That's why it's perfect, right? Okay, that is good. That's how fragile I am. I do like that. Now, I've had bad names. My first one, Critics' Choice, really worked. It was kind of pre-web.

3:45So my sister would call me and say, you got Critics' Choice again, every time it was on Comedy Central. I thought it was a new thing, perennial. So the second one I did a bit about what kind of religion would blow away a Scientologist. And it was this long, bizarre religion where Scientologists go, wow, that religion is crazy. And the end of the ceremony in the church of this religion, they would say, squatting monkeys tell no lies. So I remember calling our manager, Mark Irvin, and said, Yeah, what are you going to call it? What are you going to call it? Best day in the coffee? Get a funny title.

4:23Go ahead. Give it to me. I'm going to call it Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies. Must have been a 10-second pause. Oh, at least. Okay. Are you joking, or is that the one you're going to go with? All right. That's the real one? Okay. That's the real one? That's it? Squatting Monkeys? And then people are going to think that's funny? They're like that?

4:46they never know because they handle so many comedians. They don't know when everyone's being serious or not. No, they don't know. They thought it was a fake funny title. It's a funny one. Good. Okay. It's good. I mean, an alt to that would be lighter than air. Mr. Little loafers, Mr. Brittle bones, Mr. Brittle bones. And you got a little top hat in the poster. Mr. well, the, the tagline when I just sent it out was, Hey, dandelion you don't want to blow this guy okay that's pretty funny all right i like a good i like a good pun you don't want to blow these bones yeah and then fucking amazon was like this yeah what do you want to say and i go it's funny they're a little more for we sell stereos over here we don't you know it's amazon it does everything so this is amazon prime whoo amazon i love amazon because their whole movie studio is just kind of a throwaway.

5:43If it makes a profit, fine. Same with Apple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're selling transistor radios like a million a second. We focus on the doomsday prepper. Yeah, we got paper towels going out, five million a minute. So, you know. But Amazon's good because they have a built-in crowd of about a trillion. Just everyone's on Amazon. So it's great because they're like, while you're here, do you want to watch this goofballs special and i'm like all right no i think it's good i mean we love ted sarandos and yes of course it's just it's such a giant ecosystem and when you see an amazon stand-up special it pops a little bit because there's not like nine million of them if ted's listening right now i'd feel bad he's gonna have to pull over and just go no i have i have something to say i have something to say about ted and netflix and it's a good thing.

6:37Okay, go ahead. Because I've been trying to figure out this whole trade wars and tariffs. You know, tariffs, I, you know, what is it? What are we doing? You know, so I ran into a guy who's from Brooklyn, right? And he kind of says, you know, you got to understand, you know, first of all, you know, in China, they got like cheap labor, right? China, they got cheap labor. They pay people two cents a month to assemble iPhones, okay? Okay. Two cents a month. The boss gets a nickel a month. So out here we pay ourselves, you know, we pay our workers a living wage, you know, five, 10, 8 ,000 a month. So if we made the iPhones in America, if we assembled them here instead of China, we paid$67 ,000 for an iPhone six.

7:23Oh, is that what, is that the problem? Yeah. Well, the thing is, is we don't make a lot of stuff. So we import stuff, you know, this, so this guy talking to me, I go, yeah. I like it. I'm learning from this guy. I understand. By the way, Trump said they're terrific. He did? He really? The tariffs are terrific. That sounds like he might have said that. It's not. It's terrific. But this guy goes, you know, here's the thing. America, we don't got a lot of stuff. So we got to get from other countries. We get our bananas from South America. We got our avocados from Mexico. We get transistors. China makes us solar panels.

8:02What do we got? We got what they call services. So what we're going to do is give everybody in the world a free five-year subscription to Hulu. Hulu. That's what they're giving away. You give us our bananas. You give us our solar panels. We use Netflix in Europe, free subscriptions. And I'm calling out Ted Sarandos today via this guy I talked to the other day. Okay. Remember, free subscription. That's our big thing. Netflix and Hulu. This is what we make now. Yeah. We don't make tires. We don't make steel. It's true. But I, you know, I think Ted might help you out on that one. If this, if you could connect him with that guy.

8:45Yeah, I could connect with that guy. He just said at the end of the day, he goes, you make what you make. We, what will we, we make rubber chicken capiche. I like the end of the day. That's what Gervin says. Listen, the landscape has changed. At the end of the day. here's at the end of the day you know I think it's better to dance with the devil you know than try to go out and get a new devil yeah dance with the one who brung you there's no shortage of devils so if you're seeing one just cozy up to that devil you don't want to get a dandy yeah the devil you know is better than devil you don't know how about this one David Spade afraid to fight back yeah David Spade constantly angry Because his dad left him David Spade a hot oven David Spade road rage Extraordinaire Now I was going to ask you Dana If you saw the big finale of White Lotus This is a really hot topic Not anymore I did not see it But tell us about it Quickly I did see the porn version Of course it's already out I'll quite blow your load down my throat.

9:59But also this one is the. You can't get that X-rated, Ryan. That's like, that's two blowjob jokes. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is the cleanest. That was a good one. That was a good one. You got a ha ha ha. It's got Patrick Schwarzenegger, who's a friend of the show. Let's get Patrick on this show. You know what I did? I talked to him last week because I was. I just text him. I just put filth in all caps because the show is like getting really dirty at the end. And he winds up, these are spoilers. So if you haven't seen, I don't know why you'd still be not watching yet, but he and his family are one of the like nine storylines.

10:44It's a little hard to follow if you're simpleton like me, but he is part of a family where he does drugs out there. There's these two pretty girls. One has buck teeth. And they all, he tries to do a threesome or foursome. But his brother is part of it. And it gets a little itchy because in the truth or dare, they make him kiss his brother. And it even gets a little more than that. But so that's pure filth. Yeah. I know you're like, bye, bye, bye. Why are they trying to, White Lotus is a big franchise. I mean, why are they intentionally trying to destroy White Lotus? Well, it's where do you go from there?

11:23So this one has a little incest. More out. So that's my theory, but it's still, it is a good show. You're right. I don't know if they need to go that. It's a great show. Everyone wants to push it. The girl we just mentioned, there's a cute girl, Amy Lou Wood. Yeah, everyone loves her. And she has what's known on the streets as buck teeth. But I think everyone thinks they're super cute. And even dentists have chimed in going, we should wrangle those in. But she refuses to do it because it works for her. So, well, you know, she has a cute kind of a cute bear or puppy dog face and sort of full cheeks and thick hair.

12:04So they don't beaver. They're not. If she lost a lot of weight, it'd be like, what are those teeth attached to a human? Most of her weight is in her teeth. They were hurt. Now the guy on the left needs to button one more button. Nope. He needs to button one more down. Wow. Really? You want to see a navel? No, that's, that's Walt, Walt Goggins, but he looks cool. He's older than her. What is she, Heather? How old do you think she is? 24, 25, something like that. Yeah. 30. He is supposed to be the older guy, right? that because Parker Posey, you know, Parker, she's like, popper. No. Right. She's 31.

12:52Okay. Parker Posey is great. She's in it. And of course we should, we should drag her on here just because I knew her in the old days. We did cone ads together. Meet, meet. And, uh, okay. We've got Patrick Schwarzenegger. We've got Parker Posey. we've got your new special called hot white hot dandelion yeah and we've got this girl who at the end leslie bibb is in it yeah that's i mean there's a ton of people in white lotus but uh this girl with that guy that guy has got an anger issue from growing up about his dad and in the finale turn your headphones down do you not know do you not know i can't even tell Heather?

13:38I haven't watched one episode, but now it's ruined for me. You're going to close your ears? Are you going to watch it? Yeah. Okay, I can't tell then. But I will say, oh, she unfortunately, someone shoots at him and Bucky bites a bullet. I'll just say that. Sadly, she gets a strike. No, you don't take out a cute young woman. I know. Everyone got mad. That didn't happen. Now tell us what really happened. Patrick Schwarzenegger has a crush on her in the show. And his brother, right? And he has a real thing for his brother. I can't keep track. Dude, I can't even tell you what happens. You're not ready.

14:23It's not that bad, but it's bad. You know what's huge right now globally? Gunsmoke. The Western Gunsmoke. No, is it? It's huge. Billions of minutes. I mean, I'm watching Westerns. I'm watching housing shows. I'm not watching this filth. This is pure trash. I don't like weight loonies. Hang on, Heather's yelling. What is it? No, they're really fucked up. But I will say, she's saying when the guy gave Patrick a handjob, his brother, he was on drugs. That didn't happen. It didn't? He said it did. The guy says, the girls tell him, why did they no but the girl said he did it and he goes no no no and then the guy said I just did it because I knew it makes you happy what Dana just turned off the podcast Dana no I'm just checking it out alright nope okay alright and then and then Emmylou Wood almost gave him a BJ because she thought it was a log of wood she wouldn't chew on it because she's a beaver.

15:39What? Because she's got her teeth. Listen, Dennis has said, she looks, everyone thinks she's hot so we can make fun of her. Most teeth, you know, Dana, are vertical like this. So hers are more horizontal, but she didn't fix them and everyone's saying good because finally one person looks like a real person you'd see at the mall because her teeth are like that, but everyone's still in love with her. Well, here's the thing. Let me break this down. Yeah, break it down for me. What's going on? It looks cute now. Later on, your jaw alignment, you're going to get TMJ and lots of pain in your neck. They're cute, but it's not the way it was meant to be.

16:25We always recommend Shopify. It took us from an idea to a real business. We got set up, I think, in less than a day with very little effort. We could just focus on the supply chains of the product development. Shopify gives us the ability to customize without the complexity. We can change something without introducing fragility or having to pay a developer. We're Thirsty Turtle, and we leveled up our business with Shopify. Start your free trial at shopify.com slash au. Hi, this is Jill Schlesinger, CBS News Business Analyst, Certified Financial Planner, and the host of the Jill on Money podcast.

17:03With the new year upon us, there's no better time to take control of your financial life. And the Jill on Money podcast is here to help. It's your questions that make it possible for me to provide unconventional and I hope entertaining insights on your money, more importantly, on your life. Follow and listen to Jill on Money wherever you get your podcasts. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. We interviewed Jack Black this week after the big movie, Minecraft. So that'll be on Flying the Wall in a week or two. It'll be on in a little bit. Yeah. But it was - And he hosted SNL and he did a great job.

17:44We talked about that. We got to talk to our friend Jack at, you know, you don't know, show business is like the stock market right now. I mean, there's, you know, winter and summer. But anyway, he did an incredible job on SNL. It was like one of the best episodes in a long time. A lot of energy, a lot of fun. And he kicked it in every single sketch. And then his movie comes out to like$300 million globally. And then he comes on our podcast. So that's a fun one, talking to that guy. He's great. Well, he'll be on soon. Right now we have Felipe, I think. We had Andrew Schultz last week. We're just doing crossover for our sister show, Plugs, for Fly on the Wall.

18:25Right. We have, I still today run into people. What? We have two. They don't know. We have two podcasts, Fly on the Who, Super What. I mean, they don't, maybe it wasn't the best names we ever came up with. They're good. Why? Because they're too similar. It's supposed to be sort of. They're both at Fly. It was Super on the Wall, Fly on the Who, Dandelion Plus. Dandelion, Daffodil. What is that? By the way, it's not even on Amazon until May. I don't even know why I'm supposed to plug it yet, but I don't. And upcoming is Dan Soder, who is one of the most talented people we've had on the podcast, actually.

19:03He's another one bubbling under. Super funny and talented. And he's in that world, that world of Shane Gillis and just that ecosystem of comedians in their early 40s who are playing stadiums. He's playing theaters. Yeah. He's playing chess. You're playing checkers. Okay. What else happened to you, Dana, before we get to the stories? Because nothing happened to me. Nothing fun. Let's see. Last night, we were going to get, at Billiards, we were going to get sort of this lean chicken with rice and stuff, but it was closed. So we got small pizzas from this other restaurant. So pizza is kind of a treat for me.

19:45So I had margarita pizza. I didn't see that on the news. Okay. What do you want? I mean, I'm just, let me check the market. I won't tell you what I'm seeing right now, but just go by my face. Here's my neutral face. Okay, ready, go ahead. I've got this. Now look at the market. Ready?

20:09Is it? I don't want to talk too bad. Inside baseball for the market, but is it this way or is it that way? Well, you know, give it a minute. first it went then we're doing it we're taking a pause we're gonna take a pause for 90 days then it went up like the fastest it's ever gone up in like 40 years I've never seen it go that much up not since 1936 have we ever seen a surge so then this morning you're like looking at stuff hey we're rocking it I didn't panic and now it's going now this airs in two hours so maybe it'll go they call me Santa paws. It's not bad. I like that. I don't know what it means, but because he paused the Martin because he paused the Tara.

21:04He's Santa paws. They're terrific. I'm trying to help your Trump stuff. I know you got a lot of good ones today. I like, I like, I like a good pun. Yeah. Oh, it's great. Okay. And I have nothing great. I just, I'm going to go visit my mama soon and she had knee operations. So we got to get her on her feet. I got to get her up doing laps. I got to get her to the combine. Let's get her on the show. Oh, maybe she can do a live remote of how she's doing. Well, that would be kind of fun. It would be cute. She's very sweet. I know. As long as she has her lipstick. Get her, just, you're a nice son. I'm just going to say it.

21:41She loves Dana. My God. She does? Yeah. We took a photo for her magazine, Tempe magazine. When I was kind of newer on SNL and I got, I had to ask Dana, Heather. I know. Yeah. You were not David Spade yet. And this guy came up to me. I wasn't even sure who you were. But anyway, you said. You go, this intern asked me, can we get a picture? Literally asked him, go, can we get just a quick picture for the cover of my mom's magazine? And you're like, okay. And me, you, Farley, maybe? Oh, I got to get this picture. and Victoria Jackson. No, it was just us four, I think. Oh, four, okay. Whoever I could wrangle.

22:20And we took a picture and she put it on. We didn't have a ring light. We didn't have ring lights back then. And I'll try to get it so we can pop it up here for when it airs. I got a magazine cover this week and I was doing a gig up in - Oh, that's right. You did interviews too. Well, just you're at a meet and greet and someone came up and just said, she had a big camera. You're on the cover of Monterey Weekly. Oh, I get on. By the way, I did once in a while, your mom and I text, just don't be alarmed. We check in. How's Davey? How's my sweet Davey? Davey. When you're coming to visit her and she knows you're coming down the block, she says every time she puts on George Harrison's Here Comes the Sun and she sings along with it.

23:04Oh, that's nice. Here comes one of my sons. Here comes the sun. You know, it's funny. I am playing a celebrity theater in Arizona, where I'm from. I'm playing Tucson and Phoenix. I've never played Tucson. Don't play your hometown, fool. That's what I'm saying. Last time I went, the green room had more people than the audience. It was like my mom's going, I just have plus 300. Is that a problem? Oh, but Sheila wants to go. And it's this thing. My dad used to say this thing. Their relatives were coming over. Oh, the Holmans are coming over. This was when I'm in my 20s. And I'd say the Holmans. And he would say, oh, Jesus Christ, you know the Holmans.

23:46I know. This has happened throughout. So you'll be there. Your mom will be, these are the Persnickety's family. Who? You know them. You don't know the Persnickety's. Oh, don't be like this. Don't be ridiculous. This is Bill Wilson. Sorry, they're not insane. You took wood shop from him in fourth grade. He doesn't have a thumb. You remember. I do have a guy now, one of my buddies and Heather will laugh at this and he's going to hear this. He does the classic. Hey, how do I get tickets to Spades show? She goes, you mean online? He goes, yeah. I mean, I could go online and just buy them because I definitely I want to buy them.

24:24But can I give you my credit card and then you can buy them? I don't understand. Heather will press the buttons. So just it would be like, I think the answer is supposed to be, we'll just leave you two. But it's this whole rigmarole of like, okay, here's the three digit security code. But if this one doesn't work, call me and I've got an Amex. And then just go, let's go back and forth until we figure out. And I want them close. I want to sit close. Right. And I don't want to ask, but I've got 67 guests with me. Could we come backstage before the show just for like 20 minutes? And then 10 minutes after.

25:05And 10 minutes. Just to tell you it was funny. It's all right. God bless them all. No, it's fine. I give everyone tickets. I don't give a shit. Magnum tickets. Okay, let's get to the hot stories, Dana. We got some hot takes. Yeah. Let's see. What are our takes? I can't see. Oh, there it is. Okay. Oh, okay. This is more your world. This is basketball. Mm-hmm. Ja Morant, great basketball player. Brilliant basketball player. Has a habit when he does something good on the court, it was starting to make his fingers go like a gun. And he had been busted a couple times last year with possession of guns or taking pictures with guns.

25:48Like Snapchat with guns. Taking pictures. The NBA wants its image to be a certain way. So he got in trouble. He got suspended, I believe. And now he's back. He was doing this again. And I guess they said, okay, they don't want to do that. So I guess now he's pretending to throw a grenade. Well, I think what he did is he did the finger guns after he made something. And then I think, oh, here's one. Okay, let's see the grenade. See what it looks like. Oh, this is the grenade one. He takes it a step further. Three-pointer. Boom. And he throws it and then he does goggle eyes. That wasn't that bad.

26:24Throw the grenade and then goggle eyes. What's the goggle eyes? Do it. Goggle eyes is just supervision. Curry will do it sometimes. What does that mean? I have night vision? I got supervision. I'm 40 feet away. Oh, oh, oh, oh. God, they love themselves. Well, not goggle eyes. What is it? Covering his ears. Oh, I couldn't see. He was covering his ears. Oh, okay. Oh, for the boom. From behind, it looked like he was doing the goggle eyes. Oh, it could be the boom of the grenade blowing everyone up in the audience. Well, the problem is. Let me say that again. And I want to see if it's actually covering his ears.

26:58Well, it's microscopic. I don't believe it. Dog shit thing here. It's so tiny. He's a quarter inch high in this. Okay. Okay. You can't tell, but he is covering his ears. But it was. So for Heather and for everyone who doesn't know, caught with a gun on like a Snapchat, like a real gun. And then they go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not cool. You got a lot of fans look up to you. Does it again? In trouble, maybe 25 games. I don't know. Something pretty stiff, right? then this year makes a shot, guns everyone down or he does a rifle. And they're like, Hey, TNT, Remember we had this last year. I think they gave him one warning, right?

27:38A game or two later guns again. They go, yeah, we have to do something. Cause now we look stupid. It's not that bad, but listen, come on guys. So maybe they suspend him. Then he comes back and does a fucking, or they find him. Maybe like a grenade. So here's the question. Did the grenade get it? Do they want him to stop doing the grenade? Now we have a thing, the Yaha Moran celebration package. Guns, machine guns, rifles, knives. Depending on what he does. Yeah. If he gets a dunk, he does an AK-40s. Yeah. I mean, it's probably not a great idea. Did the grenade get him in trouble? That's my question.

28:17That is the question. And I'm sure there's an answer out there. Maybe not yet. but there now he just looks like he's shoving it in their face and so now adam silver has to go what do we do here what would you do dana um i think it's a little bit like it's it reminds me of elmer fudd or something or or the roadrunner cartoon you know i think it's a little more cartoony hey you know so this one is uh kind of more a little more assaulting no pun intended So I think the funny, maybe the grenade's okay. I know that our producer will - Well, they didn't say don't do a grenade. They didn't say don't do a grenade.