SUPERFLY #67 - Safe Houses & Soaking

29:35So that's actually a good, interesting question. Yeah. Very specific. I think that's a little personal. Good answer. It's a cute housewife. They have vinyl cleaner. Vinyl cleaner? Do you want to tell the lady what it is? Do you have a vinyl floor at home? you want to clean? Is that it? Yeah. Where is it? In the bathroom or the kitchen? All over. You have vinyl all over your house. That's a great answer. All right. That was a good. That's cute, right? That's it. That was your one. Yeah, go ahead. I've met Carol Burnett and I was doing the Larry Sanders show And she was on next and I was leaving and she came through the door.

30:25We're in the side of the studio. And it was so flattering for me at that time. It was a thrill. She just put her arms out and said, Dana. It's always amazing when your idols, one of your idols knows your name. I know. I ran into her at the Beverly Center. And she said, Dana. That was what I was going to say. Oh, I jumped you. Sorry. No, it's funny. She goes, Dana. And then she went up to the guy that runs the elevator and goes, Dana. No, she is a legend. And that term is thrown around. And I'll just say this for 30 seconds because we don't talk about her. We'd love to have her on the podcast. She's still sharp as a tack.

31:06Somebody who gets Harvey Korman and Tim Conway as your sidekicks is very secure. She was the reason the show is great is because she could share the stage and then be brilliant herself. that's all yes and even that her doing this crowd work and laughing and someone says it like three jokes in a row yeah and she just laughs at him well tim conway would just destroy them he'd have secret things planted for the real kind of their in in the real hollywood she would have him fired immediately yeah anyone get the lens they they wouldn't come back after summer if they were you you kill like that in front of the star bye-bye yeah yeah but she we can say you know Dick Van Dyke, I'd like to talk to you on here too sometime, just to hear the whole history of his life.

31:52He's, he's sort of a, I watched what's it in the night at the museum with Ben. Was he in it? Yeah. And Dick Van Dyke was in there with Mickey Rooney and they were hysterical, especially Mickey Rooney. And the movie is just holds up. It's just a great, fun idea. Ben Stiller is so good at playing the reactive straight man that, that then turns and gets kind of snarky. that's a fun part if you can do it right the straight man is very important and then he's really funny what are you gonna do you know he's got he they attack they create a such an underdog and then so it's a great and he does severance which is a whole different at well now he's turning into stanley kubrick or something you know he's directing so people fucking we should have ben back on and talk about severance oh yeah we should talk about that you're right yeah uh ben okay so he's we got a bunch of people this is how we get guests mostly it's just yeah there you go i just heard on the podcast so do you want me to come on we're like Yeah.

32:46All right. What's the next stupid story? That's never cute. And then I want to hear your road story. Oh, yeah. This is. Palms. Go ahead. Read it. So this guy's a Palm Springs career panhandler. Oh. And he's good looking. So someone filmed him and said, this guy should model. So someone contacted him and he said, I don't want to model. Leave me alone. I want to do this. So here's his story. it. Professional panhandler patrols the streets of Palm Springs. He's going viral now for two reasons. One for his chiseled good looks, they say. Another for his bold and shameless stance on the way he makes his money.

33:26Yeah, that's Brad Love. He describes himself as a career panhandler. He was recently spotted by LA-based photographer who suggested Brad go into modeling. Well, Brad says he's not homeless and he has no interest in modeling or any other kind of job. Well, he says he's had jobs. He's even been a nurse. But asking for cash on the side of the road is just easier. He also has a cash app account. He advertises to his 20 ,000 TikTok followers. It's not clear how much love makes on his street hustle, but he did post a clip claiming he made about two hundred and sixty dollars in just a couple hours last month.

34:03Well, that's not going to set you up in Palm Springs. I'm kind of calling that a little bit fuzzy. Like, does he do it eight hours a day? Does he live on the street? I mean, how does he afford his apartment and everything? He must be getting more than that. Well, that's just in a couple hours. What panhandler has a TikTok? What is it? TikTok? What does he have? 20 ,000 followers? And a cash app. So what happens is sometimes people will put in their Instagram bio cash app in case you want to give me money to help me pursue my dreams of being a - Well, he seems like a nice young man. Let me get my phone here.

34:38All right. All right. What's his name again? No one stops me from modeling. What are you going to give him? How much? Oh, shit. I slipped with the zeros. $100 ,000 just wanted to give. Oh, Modena. I know. Way too much. Look at me. Don't say, oh, Modena. I'm the one who lost the money. Well, what about – he did look like sort of Johnny Depp first year jump street. Well, he's got a$700 haircut that swoops down on his – so I don't know. He is dreamy. Smells like poop, but dreamy. All right. So, okay, here's the story of my new tour manager. So when I'm in New York, I say, hey, I'm promoting the Dandelion on Amazon.

35:21My special, yeah. So it was coming out that day. So I said, hey, guys, we'll show the video. But I go, here's my new – do you have a video? If you have it, we'll show it. Hey, guys, David Spade. I've got a new special on Amazon. Starts tonight. I've got a new tour, davidspade.com. Here's my new tour manager, Billy. We worked really hard in the special. So do you know who this is then? Yes. I can't leave New York. Therefore, I am the best person ever to lead a national tour. That's right. Mexico, here we come. Don't kill me. We can't go there. Free tea sandwich. It's true. We can't go there. Okay.

35:54Oh, this looks good. We put that on because this is the guy from the Fyre Festival that we've talked about. He did the one Fyre Festival years ago. I knew he would look familiar. Right. So he does it years ago. So obviously it's a catastrophe. They gave away cheese sandwiches. There was not what everyone advertised. They paid all these models a million dollars, you know, millions. Yeah. That one got a lot of money. A great documentary. Cause it's such a shit show. Right. So he comes out of jail. He does it again. Fire festival too. I think we talked about it. Hyped it up. Hype it up. I think packages are up to a million.

36:28They had no lineup at this point. You know, it's just like, I think it's like the cart before the horse. They get the money, then they can pay the. Yeah. right right that's sort of like a reverse ponzi scheme or so they like that right a little made offy whatever anyway he's trying to do it he's working with some people put it together again they check with mexico mexico cities are like we have no idea what's going on this is there's no permit so it starts to fall apart again so i thought oh it'd be funny if i got that guy's mind to imagine because obviously he's not maybe the best for the job right right so we shake him out of the brush and he comes out as a joke to be funny and says he'll do this so then i think everyone will think it's a joke and then nobody did they go oh this guy is your why would you pick this guy he doesn't he's collapsed let me ask you a question did i see it correctly i mean does everyone who see that guy is he that recognizable that they knew it was the fire well that's true i put at the bottom fire fest three and then i put okay I put his tag and then I put cheese sandwich and Mexico is where we just Seems like you almost should have introduced him and said that he, you know, just did the, but yeah, I mean, honestly, it slipped through the cracks because TMZ hit my PR and said, Hey, Spade hired this guy.

37:53You know, he's not great at this, but we're going to run this story. And I'm like, no, I didn't. I know I should have said anything, but I thought it was real. Yeah. I should have said, I'm not at liberty to say, I really don't want to discuss it right now. Right. I thought they would put it up and just say it was a joke because the guy keeps getting asked to be on talk shows. He won't talk to anyone, but then he's like, yeah, I'll come do it. So he was very funny to do that, even though obviously people, some were mad that I did it with him, of course. Let me talk to the fans for just a second.

38:25Cause I'm looking at you now, you know, he should have mentioned the guy was from the fire festival. I know, but he, he didn't. So back to the podcast. I know. I have to say, I recognized him. He was about two feet taller than I thought he'd be. But I recognized him, and I put Fyre Fest 3 on there. All right. Let me talk to the fans for a second. Okay, real quick. I won't listen. So anyway, I take it back. It was a good video. He's touring. His specials call it Danny Lyon. But still, it should have said Fyre Fest, full guy, or whatever. But David didn't do that. I'll be back to you. Let me go back to the podcast.

39:01so Dana listen twice is enough no it's good I like that when you talk to the crowd you can talk to the crowd no your camera is too far away can you look at the in the lens oh there you go maybe don't get that close I know it's a little rough I don't think I even need this light Heather but next time we'll talk about it makes my forehead too bright oh

39:27god would someone step on your tail frustrated assistant for 900 bub yeah i just heard get fucked uh one percent is one percent how how low could you go she's like by the way david yeah when we do these long super you can put on sunglasses you can you know bill maher when bill billy maher my buddy william maher he'll wear these indoor outdoor sunglasses on his you know club random thing so you can wear those and then they could put the lights a little brighter. I do, but sometimes the brighter light isn't the better because it makes my forehead bright. Because I'm going to paint this blue behind me and put a shelf, and so we're going to see some real fucking upgrades.

40:09People are going to be like, holy shit. No, I have a curtain kind of mostly closed. Too much light's not good either. Anyway, it's going to be in my special. Lights on, not lights out. Mine's going to be called lights, camera, not that much action. about my sex life. Okay, let's show one more story. No, a couple more stories. We got time.

40:41So Stabbing Cabin came from the 1940s? I don't know. Seems like something. Spencer Tracy and Kate Hepburn. I'll meet you at the Stabbing Cabin. I don't think she would say it. It was more of an agent at William Morris. about 15 years ago said, I live, I'm married. I live in Malibu, but I also have a stabbing cabin in town. Well, did you ever see the movie, The Apartment with Jack Lemon and Shirley McClain? No, I'm young. Okay. It's exactly about that. It's so out for its time could never work in 2025, but they have this apartment and they rotate all the guys at work rotate. And then that's their sort of rendezvous point with someone not their wife.

41:23I like how you water it down good job yeah i like that by the way my mom saw my special but i was not warned she goes oh i woke up i watch him jimmy fallon they bleeped something first of all i don't know that was either on kelly ripper or jimmy they bleeped something hey heather do you even know what that would have been and then maybe when i was talking about bill belichick but then uh and then we uh and then she goes i watch the special i go mom relax pace it out and she said okay oh it's so fun she's laughing though she of course in full disclosure she's a great audience i can do no wrong well no i love just that phrase it's so fun oh it's fun you're doing fun stuff about fun things so i said great and then she goes oh i just got to the part you knew i wouldn't like this you know i didn't like a little naughty uh below the waist toward the end i go oh yeah that's Was it a self-pleasuring joke or a...

42:18It was, I think it's just basically, the setup is something like it's getting hard. Do you find it's getting hard to watch porn on an airplane? Oh, right. Yeah, it's not impossible. It's just a little trickier, yeah. It's a funny setup, right? I mean, I guess. But I mean, I guess crushing laughs and applause. Well, no, the premise is very funny. I'm sure you worked really hard to follow it up with actual jokes. Yeah, I did. The jokes are about porn, which is where I lost her. But, oh, Davey, you don't need that. But my takeaway from this entire podcast, knowing you and your mom's relationship and everything and how sweet she is, her going, it's so fun.

43:06I mean, that is so sweet. I mean, when I come to town, I go, she goes, what happened? I go, I landed at the airport. She goes, oh, fun. Oh, fun. I go, right? Then I go, I rented a car. I was on the, I got on the 10 and she goes, oh, fun. I go, what's fun? The freeway? It just sounds like a fun thing because you're on a journey and you're going to do something fun. I guess fun is her word. It is. It is. It's great. And then anybody she meets, oh, she's fun. Oh, you'd like her. Oh, it's very fun. She's a fun cookie. She's a smart cookie. She lives in the greater Phoenix metro area. David Spade's a child and she's got a lot of fun to say.

43:44No, I mean, your next special is called Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Yes, I will talk about my mom. I will tell things about how she gets on Facebook so much that when there's an ad for three-day blinds and it says like 30 % off this weekend, she comments, ooh, that sounds good. I go, well, are you commenting on a commercial, on an ad? I don't even know if you can do that. Yeah, it sounds like a good deal. She treats everything in life like they just, the restaurant decided to comp you this elaborate dessert. Oh, that looks fun. That looks so good. She's the most positive person in the world. So how do we explain you?

44:28She takes pictures at dinner. We sit down and she goes, oh, it's the whole family. Take a picture. Go. And it's like, we're sitting down and she's like, and then I'm like, mom, let's just get settled. We'll get a waiter over here. I go, I get a notice. Oh my God. You already posted this on Facebook. Yeah. It's a good one. I go, well, we're not even in focus. It's all blurs and shapes. She goes, I know. I go, you have to run it by us before you post it. She goes, no. She's like a human Labrador retriever. She just, no, she won't read. She goes, no, I'm not. Will she come on this podcast just for five minutes?

45:03She's super sweet. she loves you she'll do it for you have her just come on well she she sure she looks incredible i can send her some of my fancy pants lights she always goes oh i'm laughing at the podcast and dana oh the dogs are laughing everyone loves it that's funny how the parents are like very sweet yeah they always oh that david spade let me tell you they don't say whether it's good or bad they go oh that david spade they go they go he's a real piece of work what does that mean he's a real character oh yeah i mean he's negative you know david spade his special just came out he could be a dandy he's a real dandy i'm going out and filming dandelions you know i realize you say oh sorry is it out right now okay i'll watch it as soon as yeah what'd you think like well i'm gonna watch it as no you saw it basically this podcast the last corporate we did.

46:01That was a lot of it. Minus the dirty stuff. Yeah, but I don't go out in the audience, so I'm kind of in the where it's all I kind of hear. You hear me act like this. No, what I hear is, and then I hear big laugh, then I hear kind of a little laugh, and then I hear you go and then a big laugh. Then you hear this.

46:28oh he's doing a sound effects joke then i hear this very clearly at the end sorry that's all i got good night sorry now the guy you came to see data no i opened for you in indianapolis and then no you opened for me in indianapolis and that wasn't easy and then i opened for you in indio yeah it was great both great shows i had a blast we gotta do more of those they're fun crowds it's fun to have your friend do it that would be you and then you don't have to do 75 i did a um a casino whoops sold out how'd that get out but uh they said they know which one you're talking about they wanted 75 and so when you When you go in the hinterland, it's like 20 miles west of Salem, Oregon.

47:19I've been to that one. You get a very appreciative, yeah, you've been there. You get a very appreciative, incredible crowd because you're the only show in town. It's you and some hieroglyphics. But I've been to that one. It's a very good audience. It's just a little bit of a hike, but you get out there, and once you're out there, it's fun. Spirit Mountain Casino. Oh, I thought it was Table Mountain, was it? Well, there's a lot of Native American casinos that want to hire us. Yes, and they're great. Great, great crowd. I think, but do you ever bring an opener? Sometimes. This time I didn't. So you have to fill the whole time.

47:56Well, on the sheet it said show length 60 minutes. You get a little rundown for when you do these gigs, folks. White sheet. It says set length 60, show length 75. 75. So I go, well, wait a minute. So they're providing a local opener from Salem, but no, actually set length 75. So I did 74, 30. I just lucked out. I did everything I had. 74, 30. Did you really? I looked down and I go, ah, timed it out. Well, when you know you have 75, you kind of embellish, you don't rush. You just take your time. Usually show lengths on the road for theater stuff are an hour and a half. So you have people do time i have one or two openers i do time but i usually do an hour but when i do corporates 45 is plenty 45 is good i actually did a private party and i did 50 i played in front of a waterfall and no one in the audience was with 100 feet of me it's so funny i know they were really nice but it's like they don't really this is not like ideal but this happened to me just because I'm a child of the 50s.

49:09So I'm just doing my set. I'm kind of being animated because they're really, I'm just tagging stuff because they're such a hot audience. And then I got a stabbing pain in my inner thigh. I couldn't really walk for a bit. I had to kind of fake it and kind of work it out. Do you ever just have your... Yeah, it's really weird when you're about to go on. One time I was choking on some celery backstage right before I went on. Literally. Stucking in my throat. Not choking, but like I can't swallow. I've had stuff drives you nuts. I had an eyelash in my eye before I go on. And you're like, these are the little things in life.

49:39You just take care of it, but you can't do anything. You can't pee. You can't stop funny. Yeah. If you fucking stop for five seconds, I'm like, what's wrong? What is he doing? Yeah. I was right in the wings at Cobb's comedy pub in, um, Cobb's comedy club in San Francisco, 450 seater waiting to go on. And I talking to someone and I bit my tongue. No. And I'm bleeding profusely as I hear. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him from Saturday Night Live Live, Glen of Farfo. And I'm coming out. I'm just swallowing blood for about 20 minutes until it coagulated. Yeah, coag. You know him from his podcast, whatever it's called.

50:20His mouth is bleeding. He has a temperature of 104 and he can't feel his feet. Let's bring him out. You know him and you love him. And does anyone have a tourniquet? He just had a knee replaced and his shoulder is made of silicone. David Spade. David Spade. He's high as a kite on biking. And here he comes. David Spade. He can only see out of one eye and his hearing ain't very good either. Let's bring him out. Some lucky front row customer is going to get a coughed up piece of celery in about 10 minutes. David Spade. He's under prepared. He doesn't have an act and he has no short term memory. Let's bring him out.

50:59He's bleeding from the back of his neck. Get ready to hear every joke three times. He just got stabbed. Let's bring him out. David Spade. You know him. You don't know why you love him. And here he is. Actually, Catherine introduces me. She goes, you know him from The Wrong Missy and Joder and Grown Ups. And if you don't, you're in the wrong place. That's not bad. That's not bad, right? They had me. They call it the voice of God. So you have a mic on stage. They go, do you want to do it? So I had to do it for myself. God, you're a one man band. So it was all, yeah. No ladies and gentlemen. Yeah.

51:38I just said, he's not very good. Keep your expectations low. This next guy. Yeah. Just had a cell. Well, I have to ask because it's when you first said it, really a celery stick. Right. I have celery backstage with like a veggie tray. But it kind of can get in your teeth. And I chew it up and it gets a little stringy. Whatever. It gets stuck. That's twice it's happened. And I'm like, no celery before I go on. Nothing. You shouldn't eat one thing. You shouldn't eat anything. I mean, one thing I've done lately is I'll just have a little bite of Hershey's chocolate just because of the energy. But I used to do this thing.

52:15I'd get a craving for corn on the cob with a lot of butter. And I'd be eating that in the wings. No. I'm not corn on the cob. And I would come out with cob and corn just like all over my teeth. And finally, one of the club owners said, dude, you shouldn't have the corn on the cob before you go out. I mean, David Spade was in here last week just chewing on celery and two people vomited in the front row. No one could understand him. How many times have you pooped your pants on stage roughly? I mean, recently? Yeah. Pooped my pants on stage. You made me actually consider that. I have one time. Because one time in Dallas, I got sort of a panic attack.

52:55well I didn't know I didn't do number two on stage I have had some warnings but I didn't nothing ever happened but when I was in Dallas about two years ago I was on and I was I started to get a panic attack weird right at the beginning of the tour I think I did yeah and I was like going and I start looking around going and anytime you're thinking of anything other than your act like I don't want to connect eyes with the audience I kind of because you're thinking of so many things and you're evaluating how it's going and then you're like, I want to jump to that joke on my set list. I shouldn't do that one.

53:29They won't buy that. You got to jump. So there's a lot going on. But when you stop, I stop and I go, oh my God, what if I freak out? I started to get like panicky and I look over to see if Bobby's there and I'm like, what would I do? Walk off and try to calm down? It's terrifying. That's the weird part and of course we're very blessed, lucky to do this for a living, but there are tales about it because the show must go on and I always say, well maybe the show doesn't have to go on maybe the show sucks but the other night one of my gigs yeah i don't drink coca-cola in life but i do drink a little bit of coca-cola for a god same thing with chocolate just to get up to wake up yeah but the show's delayed so i'm drinking coke and i'm drinking more coke i'm a little amped up and then suddenly i start to feel hyperglycemic and a little lightheaded and i thought you're thinking where is this going like is if this keeps extenuating and you scare yourself yeah and then i may not be able to go on you know so but then i i just shook it off like a man you took a poop in your pants and you got up there like a good performer well did you ever poop your pants in grade school i'm sure you did many times i listen to this i told a legitimate friend of mine who said driving my house after lunch he goes oh my god i didn't like that place i go you didn't i thought it was pretty good no he goes i shit my pants on the way home.

54:50I go, I'm sorry, aren't you 44 years old? And he was not surprised. And I go, have you ever done that before? And he goes, probably about once a month. I go, I'm sorry, what? I think you should get some medical attention. I'm sorry, what? Like you said, did you ever in fourth grade? I'm like racking my brain. Maybe. I sort of have a handle on it since then. I don't love it. Sometimes it's a close call. nine you were yeah i go i got it yeah i got it i don't pee i say this on the podcast before uh car trips with my dad the whole family seven of us in the station wagon christ dana oh jesus christ and he was gonna zephyr he called zephyr we tried to get to winamooka nabata from san francisco bay area oh we're gonna zephyr so if we'd stop at like you know sambo's pancakes or something he'd finish and just leave so he didn't have time to go to the bathroom and then he wouldn't stop Oh, I kind of could go to the bathroom.

55:47We're going to Pocatello or something. Oh, Jesus Christ. What's Zephyr mean? Zephyr means just go fast. No lollygagging. By the way, is that a monster or still construction? I think we're going to wrap up because they're breaking into my house. Hey, that's a cliffhanger. I'll tell you about the poop pants thing next week on Superfly. You know, I have a Z-Flex skateboard on my wall, an old one from the 70s, Jay Adams. And it's also called a Zephyr. and I never even knew that word. I think it's speed or consistent. So it makes sense for a skateboard. Yeah. But, well, I'm so bad. Let me finish with President Brian.

56:26Relax. Enjoy the podcast. I'm Brian. President Brian. Breathe in the blind. Don't be mad at me. I like it. I like it. And the audience can't get mad at you because you're very calm and cool. You don't flip out. well we tend to go like this and that with presidents and it was a maybe a flimsy premise but i'll be curious no i like it because biden was underground not coming out a lot trump is out there all the time i was wondering when you were just talking about this uh canada guy coming down i think it's that's what they call him he's his name is canada is it is it carson what is it yeah something like it's carson no i don't know it's a prime minister of canada is a prime minister I think no or something else.

57:12Are there any meetings behind closed doors anymore? I mean, what happened to the decorum of just meet the guy, hash it out, then you walk out, hey, it went good. He literally meets him and goes, sit down. And they're like, wait, right here? Like everyone's here? And he's like, you're fucking up everything. We're going to take over. And then they start going at it. Yeah, I know. So crazy. Trump, unless someone writes a book about it, because I read Bob Woodward's book like, oh, boy, we're going to get the back. we're gonna get the real story about trump and all it was was exactly the way trump's in front of the camera so i don't think there's another trump back there but there is no filter he just says um he says to the guy we're gonna we're gonna be a beautiful 51st state he knows it got the guy elected because it turned on a massive patriotic swelling in canada when trump i know it really did it flipped everybody they had like two weeks and then i really don't know how it works up there because someone else told me yesterday Canada might vote again in a year.

58:10Well, if it's parliamentary, then it is that they go. You can go in and out. Like if we had that, Obama could come back. You know, you don't you don't have the terms that we have. But Canada, Trump's like, Joe, you're going to get a big, beautiful tax break. You get free military ticket. We get a free pass to Disneyland. Throws in a lot of perks. I know. We'll see. Hopefully everything will calm down. We'll give you when we open Alcatraz, like it's the new Disneyland. We're going to let all the kids in. It's going to be a lot of fun. This is where we suffocate everyone. This is where the gangs jump other guys in.

58:48All right, I got to go. I think I'm in danger with this noise. Solitary confinement. That's what they call it. That meant you were alone for a long time. Kids, you want to get in and try it one at a time? Let me close you in. You can see what Al Capone did because he ate one extra biscuit. They threw him in solitary. All right. Good one. Thanks, buddy. That's it. That's good. We'll talk later. See you next time. Bye. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.

59:32Thank you.