In short
The hosts riff on sports and celebrity culture, then pivot into a long “American food in Italy” story involving Jersey Mike’s vs Subway and “baked” Lays, plus commentary on an ad starring Sydney Sweeney that critics say is too sexual. They also discuss AI translation mishaps, parody content from SNL castmates, and several news/buzzer segments (a doctor leaving a patient in an MRI for six hours; China’s plan for a pregnancy robot; viral dog and mime clips).
Guest backgrounds
No traditional guests appear. The episode is hosted by David Spade, Dana Carvey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman (with mentions of other celebrities like Drew Barrymore, Drew Barrymore’s talk show, Chris Rock, Michael Caine, Billy Bob Thornton, and Sydney Sweeney).
Key claims
The Sydney Sweeney sports commercial is criticized as overly sexual; a parody ad by Chloe Fineman is “fun and cool.” The “baked” Lays are hard to find in Italy; the Subway worker refuses to sell a sandwich unless you’re “in Italy yet,” leading to a tense standoff with the Jersey Mike’s employee.
Notable examples
Snapple “real facts”; the “Bakelays” recon mission by Heather; the “ChatGPT translate” joke about inappropriate Italian; the MRI patient “happy ending” story; robot pregnancy news; corgi glass-door video; Marcel the mime flipping a lacrosse/hockey stick.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOLife on Set: Tired from Filming
0:00 to 2:12
Dana and David discuss the exhaustion of long filming days and share anecdotes about their experiences on set.
“Hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break, all right?”
Life on Set: Tired from Filming
2:19 to 6:00
Dana and David discuss the exhaustion of long filming days and share anecdotes about their experiences on set.
“Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns now available in Canada and the UK, too.”
Drew Barrymore's Humble Nature
6:00 to 7:50
A conversation about their interactions with Drew Barrymore and her genuine personality.
“Well, by the way, Salmita, I told you Chris Rock's movie, did go to Toronto, and as predicted, well-received.”
Chris Rock's New Movie Success
7:50 to 9:00
Discussion on Chris Rock's latest film and potential award nominations.
“It was just like he'd mentioned a few times, and he goes, if anybody wants to see it, why don't you guys—I'll just show it.”
International Accents and the Emmy Awards
9:00 to 11:10
The duo talks about accents in Hollywood and the dominance of English actors at the Emmys.
“recession in America's yeah film and television production so and And, you know, I got a piece of a couple of studios in London.”
Personal Stories and American Food
11:10 to 13:20
David shares his concerns about finding American food in Italy and quirky childhood anecdotes.
“And then I go, chat GPT, translate me to Italian.”
Jersey Mikes and Chip Preferences
13:20 to 14:02
A humorous discussion about food preferences and the types of snacks available at Jersey Mikes.
“You have to look around like it's a walkie talkie secret.”
A Sandwich Recon Mission
14:02 to 25:00
Dana and David recount a humorous sandwich reconnaissance mission involving Subway and Jersey Mike's.
“So anyway, I go in and I want these baked dog shit lays that are just basically noise.”
A Sandwich Recon Mission
26:23 to 28:03
Dana and David recount a humorous sandwich reconnaissance mission involving Subway and Jersey Mike's.
“Follow How We Made Your Mother wherever you get your podcasts.”
A Sandwich Recon Mission
28:06 to 28:19
Dana and David recount a humorous sandwich reconnaissance mission involving Subway and Jersey Mike's.
Show all 27 chapters
Lighthearted Banter Among Hosts
28:20 to 29:14
Dana and David engage in a humorous exchange about background noise and lighting.
“do you have a TV on in the background no why alright turn it off I just like more light in the room if there's no volume it's nothing right?”
Discussion on Sidney Sweeney's Sports Commercial
29:15 to 31:37
The hosts analyze and critique a commercial featuring Sidney Sweeney related to sports.
“Sidney Sweeney, I guess, has a commercial out about sports.”
Debate on Gender and Marketing
31:38 to 33:52
The conversation shifts to gender representation in advertising and its implications.
“Let me ask you and Heather a question and Greg, if he wants to chime in.”
Chloe Feynman's Parody of the Commercial
33:53 to 35:06
Dana and David discuss a parody by Chloe Feynman inspired by the original commercial.
“So, so Chloe, who just left SNL, made this and posted it.”
Film Recommendations and Discussion
35:07 to 37:41
The hosts share their thoughts on films, comparing 'Housemaid' and 'Odyssey'.
“And so was, the other one was extraordinary.”
Transition to News Stories
37:42 to 38:18
Dana and David transition to discussing news stories, hinting at upcoming topics.
“Right, because you were in your short shorts and that was the sexual part of it.”
Transition to News Stories
40:04 to 41:01
Dana and David transition to discussing news stories, hinting at upcoming topics.
“Talkiatry is a fully online psychiatry practice that connects you with real licensed medical clinicians right from your home.”
Transition to News Stories
41:05 to 41:16
Dana and David transition to discussing news stories, hinting at upcoming topics.
“and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.”
Transition to News Stories
41:17 to 42:51
Dana and David transition to discussing news stories, hinting at upcoming topics.
“Saturday nights with my friends and early Sunday mornings with my kids are both non-negotiables for me.”
Transition to News Stories
43:12 to 43:25
Dana and David transition to discussing news stories, hinting at upcoming topics.
“Dive into caramel apples straight from the orchard.”
King Charles and Billy Bob Thornton Impressions
43:25 to 45:25
Dana and David perform humorous impressions involving King Charles and Billy Bob Thornton.
“I thought of this right before we locked in.”
Royal Family Drama
45:25 to 46:29
Discussion on the current situation involving Meghan and Harry and King Charles' thoughts.
“And Northwest Charles of Values near the castle.”
MRI Machine Incident
46:29 to 49:06
A bizarre story about a patient forgotten in an MRI machine for six hours.
“Treat yourself to a crisp apple bite and a smooth caramel delight with Caramel Apple 5-Hour Energy Shot.”
Goiter and Nicknames
49:06 to 50:04
A light-hearted exchange about funny medical terms and nicknames.
“Okay, I thought they were going to say, good news we found you.”
Pregnancy Robot Discussion
50:04 to 54:49
Exploration of the concept of a robot capable of giving birth.
“My name's Greg, but they call me goiter.”
Corgi Dog Argument
54:49 to 56:00
A funny anecdote about two dogs engaging in a playful argument through a glass door.
“You know, it'd be great if we could just stay here in Paris, you know, in the 1920s, you you know, Hemingway and all these people.”
Discussion on Movie Length and Health
56:00 to 58:16
Learn about the impact of movie length on sitting health and spine compression.
“And then he comes back, and he's got his fiancée and her parents are just busting his balls.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break, all right? Not just any break. This is a refreshing break with Snapple. We all know about Snapple's iconic real facts. So let's take a minute to go over some of my faves.
0:13Dana Carvey:Snapple real fact 455. Movie trailers used to come on at the end of the movies, but no one stuck around to watch them. I've heard that. Snapple Real Fact 831. Adults laugh only about 15 to 100 times a day, while preschoolers laugh an average of 300 times a day. Snapple Real Fact 1983. The first player drafted to play pro football never played in the league. That's interesting. Snapple Real Fact 1274. Kickball is referred to as soccer baseball in some parts of Canada. of hmm so grab a snapple take a second enjoy the moment because let's be honest this might be the most refreshing part of your day snapple make your break more interesting we all have those hero little items in our claws that we reach for every morning the basics the effortless pieces that make getting dressed completely foolproof for me quince is always in the mix it's the quince Mongolian cashmere v-neck in oatmeal.
1:17I was blown away by how juicy and plush and thick the knit felt for the price. Instantly became a go-to layer for work or weekend errands. Quinn specializes in high-quality, timeless wardrobe staples crafted from luxury materials like 100 % Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, Monero wool. They offer everything from tailored trousers to soft fitted tees and performance active wear built to last.
1:45Dana Carvey:Unbelievably, their flagship cashmere sweaters start at just$60. Quince cuts out conventional retail markup and works directly with the top tier ethical factories, pricing all their products 50 to 80 % lower than luxury competitors. Plus, they extend that same incredible value to hotel-grade bedding, plush bath linens, and home goods. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash fly. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns now available in Canada and the UK, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash fly. I'm on fumes, guy.
2:31riding on fumes with my hat on to spare everyone.
2:35Dana Carvey:You're doing a movie 14 hours a day and now you're saying you're tired? I mean, come on. I'm not like super tie-tie. For real, for being the beating versus my normal everyday cakewalk life. Were you harnessed in the last two days? I was harnessed Friday night. Friday night at 11 and Monday morning at 8 a.m. harness to run and i ran like the wind a lot of people got to see my carry underwood legs yeah what's going on with those pins i mean people it's kind of a meme online i don't know i mean that's a lot of people discussing it in a lot of the chat rooms but basically great legs uh other people's words not mine well i mean is it at let's ask heather is it attractive for a grown man to have carry Underwood legs.
3:34Dana Carvey:Is that a flattering comment? I mean, I'm sure they're - She's making faces. She's like this. No, because we both have strong legs. We both get a lot of comments about them. I don't wear shorts on purpose because I don't want to drive everyone crazy. Right. You did Mango on Saturday Night Live. That's the only time I really saw your legs. Oh, that's when I played Kiwi on Mango. Yeah, that was, you were like a kindred spirit. Posting and I played Kiwi. And you had short shorts on. That's all I'll say. Who's got short shorts? Everybody's got. Burp, burp. Nair for short. Okay. I will tell you this week.
4:13Oh, I never told you. At the birthday day for Sandman, for Mr. Number One on the call sheet, when I was coming into a scene, I had to enter. so I'm back by Video Village and then I just walk in and while I'm back there I see Drew Barrymore back there and so we're all huddling to say
4:35Dana Carvey:happy birthday she wants to say happy birthday so we said okay on my next I go you want to just go in for my entrance and then the director goes no that last one wasn't that good you do it again and then we'll do her I thought we'd done it and got it right so I do it again come back That's mean, dude. I know. He's tough. No, he's a great guy, Kyle. And then we send Drew out, and it takes people a second. But then, because it was a lot of the full cast, that was more fun, you know? So everyone's like, oh, Drew, who's always a breath of fresh air and sweet. And so then what happened? That was it.
5:16And then I think she wanted to see Adam. And then she always says nice things like, elevators have feelings. and then we was that last was it was the volume was on yes
5:32Dana Carvey:someone playing a bongo in there is there construction going on what did she say when she walked out David what oh she said does anyone need a wedding singer oh she walked in it was a scene where everyone's we're all hanging out at a wedding and she goes does anyone need a wedding singer and that was the little callback when i saw her at the uh he skimmed over it he didn't care at all yeah let's call back yeah i get the call back i'd never met anyone quite as humble we had on our podcast when i saw her at when sandler was getting the mark twain award i go you're you're you know your talk show you're really good at and she just went really you think so and it was very real i know she's very sweet i don't know did we see her before that or after that we talked i think the talk show hadn't gone on as long or has been as big or she was about to do it or something hey look that up gang how long has uh that show been on well was she on our podcast before we all hung out at that thing i believe so i don't think i've done drew's show i wanted to ask her if we made out once that was my big i thought we did and i don't know if we did did we i i didn't ask her did i i think i asked her i ran into her chateau you have that little book right of people you've made out with it was on the i peeped i swear i think so it was no big deal but i don't tell tales but angelina jolie and i'm not gonna say who i saw in there but Oh, in the book.
7:10Dana Carvey:No, it was not her. Ivanka Trump. I wish. I like her. Well, by the way, Salmita, I told you Chris Rock's movie, did go to Toronto, and as predicted, well-received. Right. Misty Green, I think it's going to be up for awards, and it's just a whole new movie for him. So it's great. That's cool, because he talked about it on this podcast when we did the live one. Yeah. We'll have to have him again, because -
7:39Dana Carvey:We have to have him on. I'm not shitting you, and I think that the lead girl will be up for an Oscar, I think. And he's doing a drama. It's kind of a little comedy in it, obviously. You've seen the movie? Is this what I'm understanding? Yeah. Huh. That's why I'm— Was it at a screening? It was just like he'd mentioned a few times, and he goes, if anybody wants to see it, why don't you guys—I'll just show it. So we went over to the, like, something in New York. And one night afterward— Oh, okay. Yeah, Maria came, and— Ian Bailey. Yeah, it was fun. Super fun. And the woman is not very well known who's playing the character.
8:16Dana Carvey:Also, how about this? She's English. I did not know that. Are you kidding me? Hello. What? You know what? I've noticed that Americans are okay with accents, but the Australians and the Brits are perfect. They know Americans better than us. Yeah, because they watched all of our shows. And I watched Monty Python, and that was about it. and you know I have to say I saw some remnants of the Emmys which I didn't really see and they're on Mondays now and I'm not really in that world but I have to say I think the two lead winners male and female were English yes it's a hostile takeover of Emmys well you know as you know there's a bit of a recession in America's yeah film and television production so and And, you know, I got a piece of a couple of studios in London.
9:13Dana Carvey:So. Oh, yeah, you do. They do very well over there. They do quite well. They do quite well. We'll pay them so many pounds. Quids. Quids and shillings. I'll put a suppence in me tuppence. Oh, oh, I got me cup. Can you give a shilling? Give me some quids and pounds. It looks like a pin, but it's actually a cup. That's you in the audition. I don't get a lot. This is a cup. I'm not a good auditioner. This was me auditioning for. Oliver Twist? No, no, something. For The Odyssey with Christopher Nolan. Oh, I don't know much about islands. And they go, well. I'm just the old man in the town. I'm the lizard man.
10:01Dana Carvey:They come out to the island. You haven't seen it, so you don't know what I'm talking about. You'll never see Odyssey. hell no i don't give a care strong word you don't give a carrot you mean like how we feed our horses give a care when i was a kid this guy goes i'll bet you five dollars you won't do this thing like kick the soccer ball into the street and i did and he goes oh i'll go get your doll hairs i go you fucking scam what does that mean instead of he goes i said doll hairs not dollars oh doll hairs instead of dollars yeah that was a big trick how old was this kid he was 41 one well you know a few years and you should have said to him i'll make you a knuckle sandwich and go that's just ham in pastrami oh yeah we call it infectionally the knuckle sandwich i say you want a hurts donut then i punch him i go hurts donut donut my brother used to pull hurts donuts on me all the time this is my childhood with three older brothers two years apart cut it out stop it out mom here's my favorite word as a kid mom no mine would be like that stop fighting come on I'm gonna make oatmeal my mom had a very sweet boy yeah everything's great no we all got along pretty well I mean I took a few poundings but mostly we had a lot of fun yeah obviously in the face um okay so what is should i fix my lighting oh i got a big story for you is it about so a i'm going to italy end of the week i know italy and i'm like my my wish list and these are my deal breakers they better have a jersey mikes they better have a chili's and they better have diet coke and i'm i'm worried about all three well well we have chat gbt or whatever could someone look that up no i don't want to know heather already knows heather already broke the coke news to me but i've been getting that broken to me at every effing goddamn fucking restaurant and a hotel they've got mcdonald's everyone's obsessed with america don't you get it they better have something worthwhile to be over there i think that what you should do i'm just thinking either give heather a little camera or somebody have somebody follow you around show me and just do it's like the stanley tucci show but i'm just looking for shitty david in italy you know and just just collect it edit it sell it to netflix i'll take five percent just for the idea david in italy yeah you trying to find actual american food me trying to be happy for five seconds in italy oh you're gonna love italy the italy very beautiful i know one person's gonna be in italy and i go hey maybe we can meet up at the mall or something it'll be like it is hello david spade my name is lolita you like the way i look huh you like what you like let's hold hands and get the scones.
13:12Yeah. And then I go, chat GPT, translate me to Italian. And it says, David says, do your balls have lots of pubes? And I'm like, come on, wait, hang on. This is all wrong. Well,
13:27Dana Carvey:I like the idea. You have to look around like it's a walkie talkie secret. Chat GPT. Hey, Google translate. What's the average? Here's the other problem. No, here's the big story out of, finally half our audience is left i can see it the the big controversy is if i walk up to jersey mics to have lunch on my off day right i they have a perfectly fine assortment of chips right jersey mics yeah they don't have bakelays now they do in la they don't hear fine no bakelays so you got to get all that oil and right you're clogging yeah right and so i go there and i look at it and i'm like they have jalapeno poppers they have how what doodle they have just like so many types of chips that nobody wants that i go is anyone just want to help like a decent just a little piece of cardboard baked legs they don't have any taste to them no it's chili ice cream flavor yeah crunch and it's all way too much i'm like i don't need peanut butter and jelly Doritos.
14:32So anyway, I go in and I want these baked dog shit lays that are just basically noise. I just want a crunch when I eat. Well, a little bit of salt and a little bit of crunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even though they're a little tight with the salt, if we're going to be honest.
14:48Dana Carvey:Well, they're watching out for your health. Go ahead. So on the way, one day we realized directly across sitting in the little window is subway sandwiches. So if I'm eating at Jersey Mike's 50 feet away in this little dinky cobblestone street, I'm like, is there a subway right directly across the street? They must be furious at each other. It's fucking sandwich wars. So I said, well, Heather, go in there on a recon mission and see if they have Bay Glaze. I love Heather's job. She's like having to sneak around and spy on sandwich shops. Okay, shh. I say act like a customer. Does she wear a funny hat or a big disguise?
15:31Dana Carvey:She walked in like an old lady. She goes, oh, I'm lost. How do you sell sandwiches? So then she comes out and she goes like this. And then she looks across the street and she goes, we got them. We got them. So we got eyes on Bakelays. So now this is all lined up for the next time I go. So I go, I'll just sneak in the subway, get the Bay Glaze. And simple, right? But then go get the sandwich at Mr. Mike's. Jersey Mike's, yeah. So here I do. I go out. I'm by myself. This is like Mission Impossible. They should have filmed this. This should be like a little animated show because I go in full of guilt.
16:10Dana Carvey:And full of beans. Because I walk in the subway. I have no intention of buying a sandwich. And I'm looking around. And it's like, it's like early. It's like 1030. So you're buying chips. And the guy goes, I go, hey, a lot of chips. You know, just, this is small talk to kind of lay the foundation. And then he goes, oh yeah. So I go, you know what? I'm just going to get some bakelays. And then he goes, oh, you don't want the sandwich? No, he goes, no, you don't want a sandwich? No, he goes, you don't want a sandwich. You're not in Italy yet. Yeah. No, he was. Hey, what do you mean you don't want a sandwich?
16:46Dana Carvey:Get out of here. No, he's Hoboken, but he's from somewhere farther away. Hoboken? What? He's not from Broboken, I can tell. All right, so you're in a pickle because you don't want to hurt this guy's feelings and go, I'm buying the baked lace here, which is legal, then going in there to buy a sandwich. It shouldn't be legal, but it's legal. Right now, you're scared. I'm scared. I'm acting. He can tell I'm sweating a little bit. So he goes, oh, you don't want a sandwich, huh? And I go, nah, it's a little early. lie one i'm going to buy one in five seconds what would have happened i have to insert this just for the audience if you said i like your baked lays but i'm gonna get a sandwich no no no no no no that was never crossed my mind was that throw down is that is that fisticuffs get out get out right here you know i've had therapy i i i can give you the number after we after the podcast Okay, because this is a problem.
17:43Dana Carvey:You got to stand up for David Spade, but go ahead. No, I like to be meek and fragile. I don't see you that way. So I go, cool, cool, cool. And then I go, how much are we talking here for the Bay Glaze? And he goes, two bucks. I go, here's five. Pure bribery slash guilt. Here's five. Does he know you're David Spade at this point? I don't think so. Oh. he just goes alright hey I go hey big day you know whatever pleasantries then I leave boop boop boop beep beep beep walk directly across the street but I curve it I banana it a little bit Heather hits me on the voxer right before I walk in which is a chirp chirp noise on my phone so I stop leaning I open the chips because I'm already starving I lean against a pole I'm listening and And out of my corner, I see Mr.
18:42Fucking Subway Sandwiches. Opens the door, kicks the little kickstand out, lights a seg, and he's just staring at me. I'm like this. What the fuck are you doing out here, dude? Why? And why are you out of? Well, at this point, you're in danger.
19:02Dana Carvey:I mean, I don't know where this is going, but I'm cheating that you are in danger right now. So let's see how you're here. So we know you did something to survive it. By the luck of the draw, I'm not in Jersey Mike's yet. I'm on the pole in front of it. You're near it. And he's suspicious. I'm just like, I give him one of these. Give him one of those. Like way too much on the phone. Like so much guilt. There's no reason I should say anything, but I'm just on the phones. Well, I'm weirdly on his side. I know. I think I am too. I can't open it. I mean, you buy the chips, you buy the sandwich. but okay so what happened yeah even though he got three bucks which means nothing to him because it's all about the principle well that's a pretty stout tip on a bag of chips yeah here's three he's forgotten about that no no no he's he's planning what he's gonna do to you yeah and then he's just staring and all i can see in his eyes he's like i go i'm just standing by a pole in my head and he's like it's just interesting that you're over there there's nothing wrong with it it's just interesting to me why are you standing next to jersey mike's i'm like i know that's funny i didn't even see it how far are you apart from him when you're having this conversation 50 feet we're not talking this is just me oh you're not talking this is your inner monologue okay he's looking at me like interesting right nothing bad just interesting that you're over there right next to jersey mike's door and then he finally kicks the kickstand and goes in and i go and i finally go in i go right in i get my sandwich i'm clicking my heels all is good in the world i go to the little window to eat got my chips and there he is with binoculars he's fucking out there again by the way dana you need another cigarette do you really need another cigarette it's been four minutes or are you spying on me and then he looks he's just staring at me like this smoke rings douche douche douche you can't use douche for that that means spraying something douche douche douche yeah a douche douche douche and then he's like things have taking a more interesting turn i'm in jersey mike and i'm staring it out the window in plain sight stupidly so he knows yeah that you bought bakelays there yeah over tip because you had a plan to go into jersey the whole time it's all hitting him and buy a freaking sandwich basically shitting on the subway franchise yeah it was it was like ocean's 11 i'm still on this guy's side that it's like oh i got fucking scam you should have did what i did when i did the recon yeah i crossed the street the other way oh oh oh she threw him off the scent she walked down the street farther after she reconned and then she looped back but so he didn't think about her but he knew i was fucking drenched in sweat he knew i was oh no you were you were there's danger there was danger in There was danger in my eyes.
22:16Dana Carvey:There was fear. I want to ask one. I'm sure there's more nuance to it. I'm curious. Yeah. What is the difference between a Subway sandwich and a Jersey Mike's? Oh, that I don't know. And by the way, you are in New Jersey. You're in New Jersey, right? And I kept saying, I hope there's a Jersey Mike's here. And they're like, it's a fucking over Jersey Mike's. Yeah. I didn't even put it together. There is a town, I think it's in Minnesota, called Subway Town. And that, everyone goes to Subway there. Yeah. But everyone in Jersey, hey, where you go get your pastrami sandwich? Juicy Mike's. By the way, Subdate was a fucking ghost town.
23:02It was crickets.
23:04Dana Carvey:Well, sometimes the turkey has a rubbery texture to it. well what's funnier than the guy that drops the fucking sliced up rubbery turkey at subway just walks and gives it to jersey mike is that how it works i mean it's a different trucks i don't don't go down that rabbit hole if you had it to do over again here's my advice if i had it to do over i will today this is this is going to again this is going to stay with me once you go to me go look man it's nothing personal i just like your chips but i gotta say my uncle who's got some kind of corner artist anyway he owns this particular franchise of carl state oh boy and so it goes you're gonna buy a sandwiches from you know magic mikes whatever it is so i i love subway and i love you better than actually here's two more fives just to make up for we good we good yeah and That's a possibility.
24:03For tomorrow or today, you're going today.
24:05Dana Carvey:Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the strategy? Is Heather going to do recon again? I think the biggest part of this story is that I carry fives. Who has$5 bills? I got them because I was taking the trip here and I go, I'm going to get fives, tens, twenties. Just so I have, you know, throwing around money. That's the happiest little, you froze for a second and one of the happiest faces I've ever seen. Oh, did I freeze? I got, well, just a second, you're like, I got fives, fives, fives, and it was like... Because I'm so joyous. I've never seen you that joyous. I got five, five, five. I got fuck you money.
24:43I got fives. Those chips are two, here's five.
24:48Dana Carvey:Well, that story, you know, that story's... That's one for the books. What books? We don't know.
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Read the full transcript
28:18Dana Carvey:now we're getting a message do you have a TV on in the background no why alright turn it off I just like more light in the room if there's no volume it's nothing right? was there white noise? no it looks like there's something happening in my room poltergeist situation this looks like the New York skyline wow that is a oh they're seeing flashes oh you know what else we had the other day we had a visit and maria bought brought two guys from 9-11 these two firemen and they were great and they talked to us and it was sort of nice just to i know it's sort of a heavy thing to juxtapose to jate or whatever dennis says oh dennis jeté over to a heavier subject.
29:13Dana Carvey:That's kind of a... That was an important thing. Less important. Sidney Sweeney, I guess, has a commercial out about sports. I'm going to use very vaguely about sports. Let's watch it because I have not seen it. That's a great transition. Okay, here we go. Don't like the music. Fine. It's from Seinfeld. Think you know sports? A little bit. Prove it. Yeah, I do. Novik is... Just sports. Now there it goes. So they wanted to show. Just sports. You can trade this sport and this sport. How about this? That's hockey. This sport too. Soccer. Or this? That's a really nice ad for sports. Sports. Sports.
30:06Sports. You can't trade this. Some people are saying this is dumb. I disagree.
30:17Just asses, tits, and sports. And sports.
30:23I think what happened with this ad is... What's your thought?
30:27Dana Carvey:What's your blink? My first point is... Well, what do you think happened? It feels sexual. it feels a little bit like she's almost steals focus from the real message which is enjoy sports well i don't know if there's a message stealing focus because in certain times it feels like she's not fully dressed yeah and i'm sure they're kicking themselves now the costume we're going it didn't even look like she had clothes on well wasn't our job to put clothes on her for the ad yeah i do i would say my random thing popping into my head is that she might be a marketing genius well listen the big fight over this is a big story dana it didn't get out to the ranch bigger than the shootout at mike's magic mike's salon magic mike's salon and the the subway cigarette smoking stare down yeah it's um it's too sexual and all that but you know I can see both sides of the coin.
31:28I don't know what the commercial is about in fairness. It says Norbit or Norvig or that part. I don't really understand it, but I, that, yeah.
31:37Dana Carvey:Norvig is what? Do they make sports equipment? Because I've read about it. I think it's sports gambling possibly. Let me ask you and Heather a question and Greg, if he wants to chime in. What about the exact same commercial with a young man who's very fit or whatever? Same shots, everything. how would that go over it'd be the same probably work just a question sometimes i like to bring some intellectual lifting to that it's so overused like we always use right for their bodies it might be kind of clever with a guy right there's arguments on both sides like that that good looking tennis player was taking off his shirt the other day in between sets and there was showed women taking photos of it.
32:23Dana Carvey:Carlos Averroes, yeah. And they're like, if this was roles reversed, I'm like, well, they're not. It's a guy and who cares? Well, that's always sort of floats and like where does that land in terms of women caring about a man's body the same as a man with a woman? Is everything the same? Well, she was more undressed than most in that commercial. now. Well, it feels like when she was on the basketball hoop that she didn't even have proper underpants on. She should at least have underpants on. She should have underpants on and she could have had underpants on, but you couldn't tell, you know, if she had knee pads on, then that's a whole nother thing.
33:07Guys, minds drift off. Oh, Chloe, you can send it. There's a couple funny ones out there but here's a parody one with your girl Chloe Feynman
33:19Dana Carvey:oh I want to see Chloe because she's funny she'll make it funny oh Greg it's being sent to you I will say there's arguments like they brought up the Sports Illustrated body issue where all the athletes are sort of naked around a batter yeah there is that and that's hailed as the greatest but I think people just I think the real story is they don't like Sidney Sweeney So she's on the wrong side right now. And so she's going to take some shit and she'll take it all the way to the bank. So like it or lump it. Well, she mentioned no politics in sports at the end. I think. But all right. So, so Chloe, who just left SNL, made this and posted it.
34:04Dana Carvey:Yeah. We like Chloe. Yeah. She's great. My dressing room at SNL. But I got to take my Sydney Sweeney's. And so without further ado, the same was Spart. The same music. Spart. Many people think this is odd about Spart. It's actually about 10. Spart. Spart. Spart. She has her Sydney Sweeney boobs from from SNL. Yeah. Maybe the Spart. This really is all she says when we're going to be Spart. Spart. I don't know. Ow, that one hurt. That one looked like an outtake. I think about Spart. Spart. but every day of my freaking life she does kind of look like her with all that makeup i mean it kind of was a different look for her very cool right but she could she could have gotten out there that's funny i like it i know you're probably uncomfortable but i think they're fun and cool yeah she could have taken out 10 seconds in the middle that was good though yeah well i love it that you know this idea that she's not going to be on snl it's just summertime and she just makes this really funny thing and then it probably got multi-millions by now views yeah who knows i mean the idea of like you still have your phone to make stuff if you think of something you don't have to wait till saturday anymore if you're on snl that is a bit of a it's been a problem for snl sometimes because they you know the meetings on monday the show saturday well there's so many other people doing parody of current events in the middle but then there's evergreen things you know like the church lady which you know works anytime yeah excuse me a second i guess oh shit lauren calling oh shit we're not saying that's true we're just saying there's avenues for people to post things so we're a big joke to you i'll let him say it all right all right sports sports um but she just makes guys sound dumb more this is a bigger crime guys like sport um which we are well i just kind of like her i just think she's very clever and in that movie that i love and i won't remember the name house made Housemaid.
36:30Dana Carvey:She was absolutely great in that. And so was, the other one was extraordinary. Oh, Anna. Amanda. Amanda Siegfried? Seyfried. Seyfried. Possibly. I still think that was one of the most entertaining movies. Was it better than Odyssey? Did you like it better? I'm going to say this. Apples and oranges. They were not even in the same stratosphere except they were recording people. So I like sexual thrillers with intrigue. I like that genre. I do like a good, you know, Jason the Argonauts. I love Gladiator. I saw Odyssey twice. Oh, and you saw Housemaid twice, so that's a tie. Housemaid maybe three times.
37:19Dana Carvey:Because I'm always fascinated, why did this work so well? Yeah, it's hard to figure out. It has a third act that you think the movie's winding up. Housemate, I thought the movie was over. Me too. And then, but it did work because it escalated everything. Everything went bananas. You know, if you like sexual thrillers, that's why you liked my Jersey Mike story about the Bakelays. It had everything. Right, because you were in your short shorts and that was the sexual part of it. yeah i wore dolphin shorts from the 80s at least what i heard you know this is tabloid shit is that you sat on a bench over there you had no clothes on you had a basketball over your crotch while you were looking at the sandwich guy words shorts right i don't know if that's true it's no i just said shorts shorts hey you don't you don't know what's real anymore i don't know you know but let's look at some news stories and see what's going on in this crazy world We're supposed to do Buzzing around Oh we are?
38:21Oh you want to do Buzzing around now?
38:22Dana Carvey:Let's get rid of it Let's get rid of it I mean let's have fun with it Fuck it's bright Hold on Okay I got your text About the three Three characters Oh okay
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43:03Back to the podcast. It's time for Buzzer to Run. Sponsored by 5i Energy's new caramel apple flavor. Dive into caramel apples straight from the orchard. Very sugar-free, faltry.
43:17Dana Carvey:Ooh, caramel apple. I like that. Find caramel apple shots for a limited time online at 5iEnergy.com or Amazon today. Okay? Now let's hear what you got, man. Okay. I thought of this right before we locked in. So it's either just a very posh British man or maybe it's King Charles. Michael Caine and a surprise guest are in a bar restaurant, really posh, in London. And there is a bit of a shaker. Oh, an earthquake? Yeah. Okay.
43:59Oh, God, it's King Charles.
44:07Well, it's great to see both of you The bubble chimes, the cocktails, the fress
44:14Dana Carvey:And all these things God damn it, this is Billy Bob Thorne I can't understand a fucking word you're saying I'm sorry, I was so excited, Billy And what's about you, Michael Caine? Are you excited to have a cocktail with King Charles? I don't know why you talk like that I can't understand I would your shade I don't worry I'm just going to nurse My daiquiri Here is a daiquiri Yes hold on Hold on everyone Surprise guest There's a bit of a shaker A bit of a shaker going on Yeah right Don't you think Billy Bob Thor God damn it I need to come to god damn England and getting a goddamn earthquake. What do you think, Michael Caine?
45:03What do you think?
45:03Dana Carvey:Well, these are very rare. I'd rather think so. But it's getting a bit much worse than I possibly thought. A bit jungly. We haven't had to shake like this at Charlemagne. Hang on, everybody. I'm King Charles. And this has been a moment with five-hour energy. Wow. He says it in the commercial. Wow. Yeah. Mike dropped it, man. Is it Billy or Bob? It's Billy Bob. I used to Billy Bob with my friends. No. And Northwest Charles of Values near the castle. Right, Michael? You did no such thing. I'll be it but pitch a movie for you to be it with me and Betty Pop Thornton. We don't need this goddamn bag of nothing in our movie.
45:52Dana Carvey:We can do it with somebody else like Dana Carvey. He knows how to do King Charles. Well, I feel flattered. There hasn't been this much noise around here since Meghan Markle dropped names on her first visit. Can I ask you a personal question? What's with the Meghan Harry thing? It's a bit messy. They want a dowry and they want to be royals. One foot out, one foot out. So I've decided to give them a billion pounds just so they'll be happy. A billion pounds? A billion pounds Just so they'll be happy I want to shut them up Make them quiet and happy I'm giving them a billion pounds This was buzzing around Sponsored by 5-Hour Energies It was a double shot Of 5-Hour Energies It was a double shot It was a double shot Of buzzing around 5-Hour Energies new caramel apple flavor Caramel apple 5-Hour Energy shots Deliver sweet and tart apple hits with a smooth, buttery, caramel-coated finish.
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47:13Dana Carvey:5hourenergy.com. Dot com. It's not... See, like, when I do impressions, I need to warm up. You know, I usually have to do them like 10 minutes, and then I get really into them. But whatever. You like to warm the throat like Andrew Watt told us about Mick Jagger. Oh, yeah. Their obsession. It doesn't sound delayed enough. And I'm doing Michael Caine. All right. Let's go to some stories because. Oh, yeah. Stories. We got stories. Doctor forgets patient. Oh, my worst nightmare. An MRI machine for six hours. Really? What kind of doctor?
47:52Is that really the guy? Well, who's taking the video? And not taking him out? Oh my goodness. Midnight? What? What?
48:15Wait a minute. He couldn't crawl out of there? I don't think you're trapped in that conveyor.
48:22Dana Carvey:I don't think you're trapped in that machine. But you can't really lift up to pull your... Well, you think you could scooch out? No, Dana. No. The machine hummed, and he was trapped in agony, unable to move. His wife couldn't find him and called the police. Oh, thrown off the scent. The scan was over, and he had left. Who has all this video from him? Yeah, who's taking the video? This person could have let him out. I'm saying... You think it's a scam? I call AI.
48:54A million? Not enough.
48:58Dana Carvey:No, actually, it is true, but the result was great. They needed to do it for six hours. He does not have a brain tumor. It's a happy ending. Okay, I thought they were going to say, good news we found you. The bad news, there's a cantaloupe-sized. Now, you know what Kevin Neal needs to say? About the size of tumor. They found an orange in my head the size of a tumor.
49:22Dana Carvey:Is that his joke? Yeah. It sounds like Kevin. Very, very Kevin. We love Kevin here. Well, I love when they do use things like softballs, golf ball size, different thing, you know, the Titanic size, whatever. You've got it. What if you had a head size tumor in your head? It'd be like, oh, I'm fucked. Well, if I ever had a goiter that was another version of me, like my head is right here, goiter, and it could talk and stuff, I'd go to Vegas You know, when it's fall, very rarely are people going goiter draining It's not as much fun as that I know a guy, he was in the neighborhood, and it was just a family name, he was Goiter Johnson And I go, really, dude?
50:03Dana Carvey:I mean, goiter as a first name, David's here, Matthew Kacek, okay, goiter, present My name's Greg, but they call me goiter. Yeah, I just think it's a bad choice of a nickname. Let's call it. I'm going to tell you the three sickest words in that vicinity are goiter, boil, and pustule. I can't even put them in order of sickness. Right. Oh, I have a boil. Oh, gross. No, it's just a goiter. Sick. I mean, it's just a pustule. Let's try to pop it. Pustule, goiter. Dr. Goiter popper. I'm going to get a new competing show. A large cyst. No, not as bad. Cyst isn't as good. Pustule is good. I'm not quite sure what it is.
50:49Dana Carvey:Pustule with pus. It's a pus, yeah. Oh, when people are talking about pus. I hope people are watching this in the morning with their coffee. Yeah. Turn it off, daddy. No, they're not. They want you to talk about pus, not pus. Amen. Okay, next story. We're on fire. Well, that's for sure. China will launch world's first pregnancy robot in 2026 Capable of giving birth to a live baby In robot news Who wants that kid? So a robot, so they're going to put a Ugh Do they have robot abortions? Well, the baby's not a robot, right? The idea is they're putting a baby in a robot Then it grows in a robot i mean i would say don't waste your time having a robot baby that's not that's not news so whose baby is it how would you like to the one go i'll donate my eggs for that experiment you know if you're like if you have a robot mom and stuff they go ma can i have some cocoa puffs and she can't control the strength of a robot hand you give me i'll do it you i'll do it you do an effect A robot, a little box of Cocoa Puffs squeezing it.
52:04Dana Carvey:Crunch. Wait a minute. Wait till I do the thing. I will get you your cereal. I'm robot mom. Here we go. Crunch. That's it. Well, can't you do it slower? I don't have a good one for that.
52:24That's the kid's arm.
52:26Dana Carvey:Have you ever done that when you're getting off an airplane? I've actually scared people like you put it in the back and you go like this oh my neck I can pop my own neck right and they and if they can't see it it really looks real it's so funny try to do it where we can't see it okay right I'll sit down here you know it's down below and you just go like that I just sprayed myself with water hold on hang on oh my neck oh my god just one just one oh my god feels better hey now you got new new shtick to do I gotta get a plastic You're doing Blank stick with that one Oh Donna Okay We're not gonna fix that robot thing We're not gonna fix that robot The problem is I never look at the camera Because I have to look at you I know But you do it sometimes for like effect Yeah it's funny Where's my robot baby What does he think he's doing Okay let's do another one I used to be called rubber faced okay this corgi dog picks up his friend for their daily scheduled argument through a glass door okay this will be a light-hearted fun one come on let's go okay they look friendly enough where are we going okay come on follow me
53:51Dana Carvey:and then they just want it that's their fun yeah they want because the other dog can't go in No, he can go in. They just like this. Oh, this is their game. Okay. Oh, that's kind of sweet. I like this. Look at the corgi look like. You see that shit? That is really, that's cute. I like the music. So if you get free, for 90 % of audiences listening, really two cool dogs. And one goes behind the playing glass and they pretend they're attacking each other. Which they could easily both. And the other one could have gone in the same room, but it stayed on the other side. They wanted to bark at each other.
54:27Dana Carvey:They wanted to bark at each other with safety, really. You can always see those videos where the dogs bark. I get little dogs barking at a big dog, and then they open the door, and the little dog goes, oof. Just joking around. I hope you didn't take any offense to the fun I was having. It was just a fun thing I do. You're big, me tiny. No, no, you're great. I always thought I'd get a dalmatian. A dalmatian was sort of, no. Woody Allen makes it into every podcast that's probably the top one that makes it well because it's you know I feel nauseous the idea of a Dalmatian you know I start to count the dots that's funny that's a pretty good line Dalmatian is a funny dog too I start counting dots until I've got to see my therapist no but this is Woody Allen I mean good lord We watched one of our, in our rotation for movies.
55:27Dana Carvey:I know you're not a movie guy, but. No. We watched Midnight in Paris again. We've probably seen it. Oh, what time is it? Midnight. About 12 times. With Owen Wilson is so good in it. Here's a scene from that movie. Ready? Hey, it's Midnight in Paris. What's that in LA? Oh, I guess that's. You know, it'd be great if we could just stay here in Paris, you know, in the 1920s, you you know, Hemingway and all these people. Really? You think so? I don't think so. Yeah, he goes on these walks in Paris, and he goes back in time. And then he comes back, and he's got his fiancée and her parents are just busting his balls.
56:09Dana Carvey:And it's a brilliant movie. It's only 90 minutes. It's incredibly good. You know what? If it's 90, I might think about it. It's so good. They go, The Odyssey. It's only 90 minutes times five. The honesty is you got to kind of fasten your seatbelt. If I have a good chair and some coding, I could probably get through the Odyssey. Well, if you're in the back, depending on the theater, then you can stand for periods of time. It's actually healthy for everybody after a certain age, not to just sit for three hours. I've done that since high school, yeah. And that's healthy. Okay, let's go to another story.
56:46Dana Carvey:The only time your spine compresses is when you're sitting, standing. It goes boing. I need to open up my spine when I get back from all this shit. Good idea. Okay, we might end on this one. Let's see. Smooth with it. Let's see what he's doing. He's smooth with it. We don't know what we're going to see. What is he holding, a bat? Oh, he's faking like he can't hold these things. He's good at it. Oh, he's good. It's a good mime. Look at that lacrosse stick. He's making a lacrosse stick look like it. This seems easy. That's hard. Oh, Heather, you see that? No, this is, he's a. That's hard to do. He's part of a circus.
57:24Dana Carvey:This is very clever to make a hockey stick look like it can fly. Yeah. Oh, that was good. We got a real Marcel. That was just impressive. Jesus Christ. The thing weighed six pounds the way he was swinging it around. You just think it would weigh like 200 pounds, Carphe. Is Marcel Marcel working anymore? You don't see him on the big screen. Jesus, that's a kind of job for somebody. I'll get a hockey stick and try to flip it around as if it's heavier than the actual hockey stick. There's got to be money in that somewhere. You know, kind of count the shingles. Not shingles. What do they call them?
58:00Dana Carvey:The shekels? Yeah, count the shekels. The Roman coin was called a shekel. By the way, it was lacrosse, I think. But either way, it's funny. Lacrosse. What did I say? Hockey? Same thing. It's a stick the guy's throwing around. All right, Dana. And that concludes our episode. This is a good episode. That hit 50 flat. Yeah, we killed it. That's kind of perfect. All right, Dan, I need you to stick around because I want to give you a pep talk. Yeah, we're going to read 42 ads, just so you know, fans. And we're going to try to make them real entertaining. So we'll be back. All right, see you next week.
58:36I'll tell you all about Jersey Mike's from Italy.
58:38Dana Carvey:I want to hear it. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review. five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now! Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweetech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.
59:14Dana Carvey:him. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.
From the publisher
The guys discuss David’s great legs, a Jersey Mike’s controversy, Sydney Sweeney’s mega-viral gambling ad, and all the noise around the dangers of AI.
