Technology Begets Hedonism

22:03And two, support arousal and desire in the brain. Are you following me so far? Yes. You got it. You understand.

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22:55Oh, real.

23:02Dana Carvey:I just want, I have just a thought about the United States of America and my pride in our country. That now there's going to be a Senate race in Michigan. Okay. Democrat, Republican. Okay. Democrats officially, the Democratic nominee's name is Abdul El Saeed. Pretty cool for America, right? He's running against Mike Rogers Hey These are like two made up names I know It's like you would not go to the Middle East And it's like Here's our candidate Abdull Bachnach Running for mayor of And he's running against Bill Jenkins Bill Wittleson Bill Wittleson What will you do for the great City of Bachnach well I'm really interested in Bakaraka and as a proud Muslim I'm just delighted to be here is that the guy with the Muslim name?

24:06Dana Carvey:I don't know that's the guy with the American name maybe he would have an accent too I'm Bill Wilson I'm Bill Wilson and I'm from Bacnachi my parents got drunk and they named me Bill Wilson all my life living in the Middle East It's been a punchline for people. Bill Wilson. What's your name? Can you say this? Am I canceled? Or is it just funny? Is that Michigan? That's Michigan. It's literally Abdul El Saeed versus Mike Rogers. Just their names. Spade is from Michigan. And maybe I still get to vote. Where's your domicile? Oh, that's a great word. Where's your domicile? Where's your main home for taxpayers?

24:56At Warren's office. That's the address I have to give because...

25:02Dana Carvey:Oh, we got some bills to pay. Is that Warren? We might have to transfer some funds. We have the same account. Yeah. You just have to really, in your brain, for all of us, actually, if you get paid in California, you have to go, okay, this is what I'm getting paid. Now, when the state of California and when they get through with it, then what do I get? And you have to always think of the second number. Yeah, I'd like to report a crime. People always write in on the comments, go, oh, sorry, move. The big thing is people just say move. And you know where you should go, Austin? I go, listen, there's a lot of very nice places.

25:43I do like Florida. I do like Austin. I like Nashville. But first of all, they're almost all full. also they're you can't just pack up and i mean people if you can leave that fast like a gypsy it's like that's a gift i there's too many things to consider yeah i mean california one thing is

26:03Dana Carvey:it's so varied i mean there's people up in northern california i think here too where you can go surfing and then skiing within four hours of each other you could surf out of santa Monica Pier and then drive to Big Bear. But a while back, I was just in this bar and I was a state senator. So he was somebody who goes to the state assembly. And I said, God, I'd just really like to know where you guys are spending the money, right? It was just very friendly. Bad question. I was having a McLeod Walter and he's like, why would you want to know? Why is that your business? Yeah, why is that your business?

26:40Dana Carvey:Well, I'm just curious. You get all taxes and we just Be nice to know where it goes. What are you? Why? Do we have a problem here? Yeah. Is something wrong with you? What are you even thinking about? Have you got any neurological issues? They hate you. Yeah. So, but that was a fun, exciting thing. I just had a similar thing because we're in the, we're in Jersey across from New York. And one of the union guys goes, one of the teamsters goes, why is this Mondami guy get a$30 million grocery store? and then he's going to, you've got to give an ID to get in. He goes, he doesn't want people from Jersey in there.

27:17We can't go in there. Why does he need IDs all of a sudden? I go, I don't know, man.

27:24Dana Carvey:He goes, they're not calling it ID. They're calling it something like eggplant card or something. Oh yeah. You cannot say ID. They just said, we're only doing this because we don't want, they go, how are you going to stop people from Jersey if it's for the people of New York? You know, they're two different. Right. How are you going to have to follow people? How are you going to stop someone getting a giant grocery cart? Goes in there. The prices are just kept really low. Load up the grocery cart. Drive it down the street. Hey, want your apples? Who wants your apples? Oh, they do what they do at Walgreens where they go up front and just sell it.

28:00Just sell it. Anyway, I wish everyone the best. I wish them all the best.

28:05Dana Carvey:I wish everyone the best. I really do. I told this guy, I go, I stay out of it. I'm an L.A. guy. I got my own problems, but LA is beautiful. I mean, it's been gorgeous this summer. It's a little, you know, it's a little nippy in the morning. Then it was really hot, but it's not a hundred. Well, the climate, you know, I think officially the greatest climate in America, maybe the world you're, you're around is San Diego, which is basically like LA, you know, the winters are mild. You get some rain. I mean, yeah. Get a little May Gray, a little June Gloom, a little July Fry, a little Foggest. Did you just think of that?

28:45No. Where's my bubble?

28:49Dana Carvey:Are you ad-libbing something really good? No, I'm not. That's actually a funny thing they say. No, don't. I need applause. Well, hold on. Well, we're the most lo-fi. We're like a radio station from 1969. Fuck, now I'm obsessed with finding applause. Don't make me get mine. I'll fucking tell you what's up. You know, I saw yesterday. I like that. You know who I saw? Sydney Sweeney. Maya Rudolph, who I love. Oh, sweet Maya. How is she? She's so funny. She's just always, she's such a pro. Absolutely. I would love to take it away from her. I would love to try a shirt. It would be my favorite. She's a talent machine.

29:41Dana Carvey:She is really, she's a crispy reader. Like the table read gets not one joke wasted. Sometimes you flip the words around, you mumble it or you swallow it, cracking them out. And then just, we were doing like this big long scene and it's a bunch of us. And it's like a, it's a tough scene. You know, when you do a scene, when you do a scene at a table and it's eight people in the scene, it just goes round, round, 12, yeah. 12 in the scene? Two full days. So it's wide shot, wide shot, master, pushing, and then these two pick them off. These two, it's like a sundial. It goes around. You do the whole scene.

30:20And then close-ups pick them off, pick them off, pick them off. Anyway, we got to mine, and they go, that's a wrap.

30:28Dana Carvey:You didn't even get to say your line? No, I mean, I'm doing them all day for everybody off camera, but they get to this beautiful mug. it's weird when you're just waiting at a retarded table like um on saturday night live i mean it's just relates to this you know we're doing a family feud sketch and and it's basically you know it's maya does her thing as kamala oh right right right andy sandberg so she's killing i'm just waiting down at the end and then andy sandberg is just killing and then it's jim gaffigan it's just a mind fuck where all of a sudden the light comes on they're pointed at you.

31:07Dana Carvey:What have you got? You gotta beat these people. I was Biden so I was in character. What is that people? Come on, what are you doing? You got to shed bed, bath and be on. It was fine. But I know what you mean. You're waiting around and Sandler's killing, Maya's crushing and then here comes David Spade on the inside. You got chops. They get down to you and you're like let's make a deal, Monty. I don't know what I said. Everything you say is like confused and funny. Come on, let's make a Monty. Deal or maker. Yeah, I got an egg in my purse. Deal or no steal. The real deal. Seal. This is the real deal.

31:46Heidi Klum.

31:46Dana Carvey:Heidi Klum. I was going for Heidi Klum Baker. He went to Disneyland once, went down the Matterhorn. Went down the Matterhorn and down to Tom Sigourney's Weaver. Horton, here's a Matterhorn.

32:05so yeah we did it we saw my was funny by the way you know she said world after all it's closer uh she said she got to see you she goes how's dana and uh she got to see you a bit she was that's the first time i got this hangout with dana and bullshit always fun she really

32:24Dana Carvey:likes you it was kind of fun when you're one of the senior uh members of saturday night Elder statesman. I was on an airplane with Andy Samberg and Maya Ruhl. Toward the end, I'd had a couple of friends, a couple of soldiers. Slippery grasshoppers. So I started doing some characters and stuff, and they just went, oh, he's doing it. It's still, it's flattering. The thing about Maya is like, hey, Maya, can you sing? Yeah. She's great. Can you do a Norwegian accent? Got it. But she was like built out of a factory. Also an ad-lib machine. Like we were, you know, we do a few takes, like every movie here, and then you do a few to start bullshitting.

33:08Dana Carvey:That's the best. And she's got game. And it's fun to be around people. It was kind of reminding me of the old SNL days when you are allowed to kind of screw around or being at the rewrite table. Or just you sit there and go, God dang, everyone here is good. Well, it sort of sweeps everybody up into that mindset of being funny. Sharp, yeah. Pushing, but just being like, you know. And sometimes you'll throw out, not to interrupt you, but like if we're all in a circle, let's say, you know, Kevin James is saying something, but like Rob or Chris will throw out a joke. So we can all do that. It's like, hey, it's just like we're all laughing.

33:48It's like we're at camp, right? What if you try this? Yeah. But if you do that and if you clank it, everyone goes, what the fuck? And they all make fun of you for that. So you know what I mean? You throw in like, what if you said, everyone goes, get the fuck out of that shit. So you got to, it's like shooting around on a basketball court and you're like airball it. You go, oh no. I know. But it's definitely fun. So anyway, so far, so fun. I'm already beat up. It's like, I've been here a week and a half.

34:18Dana Carvey:I remember Meryl Streep saying just to that point that when she walks on a set in these years, or maybe even only murders in the building, there's just this sense of like, it's Meryl Streep. And she's just thinking as an actress, like, cause she, she's like hoping she lands it. But the pressure is like, don't worry. You know? And so it's a different kind of pressure when it's like, ladies and gentlemen, put down your coffee cups and back up. And Meryl's just kind of going, oh, I hope I am. Oh, yeah. And then she reads her line and everyone's like, that was pretty good. I kind of could have done that.

34:54I could have did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not her in Silkwood or Kramer vs. Kramer where she's just like hitting dingers out of the park.

35:02Dana Carvey:Yeah, when you think about Meryl Streep and you go backwards, you go, oh yeah, she did that. Oh, the deer hunter. Oh yeah, out of Africa. It's like, it's an unbelievable. Wasn't she getting a divorce in Kramer vs. Kramer? It was just a gut ripping situation. that was kind of i wouldn't call it revolutionary it was different usually in movies the man would leave the dad like what you had but this was like she just had dustin off and his husband had a kid and just had to go away just had just just and back then it was like the dick van dyke show or that was like not that far back but it was like everything was like marriages are great everything's great yeah the force wasn't spoken of too much except briefly but to get into the nitty-gritty and the lawyers and like yeah and just and then dustin hoffman i think got the academy award oh really he's playing the dad struggling doing his job and raising the kid and mom's gone it's a very you know it's an emotional movie and funny it's really a great you know she should have said dingo ate my baby if she said it in that movie it might get her what was that one out africa was that a different one dingo ate my baby no what was this is a different movie wasn't it that's different movie where the dingo ate the baby where the like a dingo's like a coyote you know she had an australian accent yeah and the baby oh yeah they didn't believe that they were camping and the dingo took the baby and killed it and they thought yeah so they accused her real story yeah someone put in the comments already don't worry feel good movie i don't know if you're a dingo uh i particularly like bill murray's what was the camping movie he did it was like meatballs yeah it was just like a light breeze over you you know it's like so i like a light comedy you know why it's a light breeze day in it which i totally agree with you because he's one of my favorites of all time he's is that i saw it again yeah and it still holds up But I will tell you the eyes of my 12 year old self or whatever it was, 14 laughing at that movie.

37:11They're so, well, this goes back to what you always say. There's a scene like in a bus stop where he doesn't want the kid to leave. And it's probably eight minutes. They're just talking. There's dead spots. It's like a two shot. They're not rushing it. It's not a million jokes. It's just like kind of real life. But if you're into the movie, no one notices that. They just, because I look back and I go, wow, they're hanging on this shot a long time. Wow. They haven't. Wow. There's a long scene, but that's because in my head, I know how they do it and go, got to move, got to move. They didn't test it.

37:44I'm sure. And say, oh, yeah. Tighten this up.

37:46Dana Carvey:They don't let things breathe. Yeah. They let it breathe back then. It was good. Because I was watching Wayne's World. There was this Wayne's World event and I was standing there with Rob Lowe and we're watching Wayne's World. Oh, you're watching. In a big theater with like a thousand people. and then um Wayne comes out and I still live with my my parents which is really sad you know he does this whole speech about he has hair nets and everything and he comes out and he's waiting there's crickets and he's waiting for the car there's there's so so it's not like Wayne arrives and then the car would be right smash cut yeah like that yeah and Rob Lowe thought well they should have kind of done it but now I'm looking back what you say is like things were allowed to like breathe for a second like right you know wayne is just waiting for his friend for right you're okay with that and you uh and then you are accustomed to it back then but now you're like why are they taking this extra two seconds i can't stand this what am i gonna do oh when they took my phone away at the fucking visa place i was like this are you addicted to your phone do we have to call this or do we have to call you uh do we have to notify anybody about your phone addiction no it's heather said it's a happy addiction i am too i can quit anytime i don't want to that's what every drunk says i have to say for myself yeah i do like at night i'll just read on my laptop a lot of different articles i'm not an intellectual but you know scientific america or Wall Street Journal, New York Times, read editorials or deep analysis from Barron's about companies where you're on Instagram.

39:30I'm playing Tetris and Angry Birds, yeah. No, I will say that I text you, you look down, it's like three texts from David Spade. You're like, oof, give it a breather, guy.

39:42Dana Carvey:No, we text all the time, audio texts. It's fun, I like it. If we have them at some point, it would be great to release them. There's so many and it's probably the funniest thing if we just talk about anything, but I know your tactic because sometimes I look down because I'm walking around recording an audio message and I go, fuck, 210? I can't send it over two minutes. Yeah, you can. Sometimes you'll break them up even though you're not finished. You break them up. I try to get to you with the minnows. That's smart. But then suddenly you're full. Yeah, one time I went 7.15. I go, should I send it?

40:19Dana Carvey:Fuck it, he's got the time. I'll tell you, Fred Wolf knows how to leave a voicemail. Woo! I'm telling you, they started five minutes, and there's like six of them in a row. Davey? Hey, Davey. Davey? Hi, Fred. So funny. My brother's good at it, too. He can go the distance. And my mom, which I can never get mad, she goes on and on. Oh, and then Marge, and then the people. You know, I was down at Guido's, and then she just talks about something, but it's great. She can just keep going. And has no, she doesn't care at all, and I don't care at all. I think it's funny. I like to hear my mom talk. Well, I mean.

40:54Dana Carvey:She's happy. She's so excited about these things. The fact that it exists and you can relay a message like walkie talkies as a kid. Yeah, it's hard. Typing, unless you're just a whiz kid for short messages, but if it's going to be nuanced, you know, because you can really send a text and go, that doesn't sound right. I'm telling you, I've run into problems with that where I go, I was serious about this. No, that was actually a joke. but the other people, you can read it in your voice and they can read it in a totally different thing. Like, what are you talking about? They're pissed off or something, you know?

41:26So voice text, at least you get the inflection, you get the vibe.

41:30Dana Carvey:Yeah. And also the spell check or sometimes it just, you know, you'll send, Hey, let's meet on Friday. And then you realize what went out was, um, fuck you bitch or something. And you're like, no, no, I didn't mean that. I mean, You ever had that happen? I see one from a buddy of mine and it says, hey, I wanted to talk to you about having sex tomorrow. I'm like, I feel like if I listen to this, that's not what he's saying. But when they do the transcribing, the phone does it, I go, or the phone's going, watch what it looks like, he said. So the phone is nefarious and evil. The phone's in on it, yeah.

42:15That's a good laugh. I like hee hee. People put hee hee sometimes. They go, yeah, maybe we'll all go hee hee hee.

42:22Dana Carvey:What's your best fake courtesy laugh? You're out to dinner. People are laughing. Someone says something and you want to do a courtesy laugh. What does it sound like? Uh-huh. Okay. Or I go like this. When they tell me about their work and each time they pause, I don't know what they're talking about. They go, I work at the Circle K. do you know one of mcdowell and i go okay and then i it means i acknowledge your story i'm just trying to follow it okay you know where the l ranch is it's it's it's right off of uh doheny and you kind of is for the story to keep going you go yeah yeah and they go okay do you do you really bust it yeah i know i go no it's right over on doheny say something to me i'll give you my My fake laugh.

43:10Okay. I went to the Beverly Center and then I fell down the stairs.

43:14Dana Carvey:Man, that's funny. That's pretty good you rub your head. That's good, man. That's what you're telling.

43:25Oh, that's my Crispin Glover. Hey, you. Get your damn hands off. Watch. that wasn't i used to i think something like that that's back to the future

43:41Dana Carvey:we are going back a ways okay your best fake uh getting emotional best fake cry getting emotional uh so anyway yeah that that happened oh you did it in bus boys oh i had to cry i would read one of the comments go there's nothing funny than when David Spade does his cry. He goes, I cry so hard so fast. He goes, are you crying? I go, no. Are you crying? I got oil in my eyes. He goes, that oil? That's oil coming out of your eyes? I go, like, I can't take it anymore. I can't hide anymore. And then he just stares and I fucking cry for a long time. Then I go, okay. The secret to crying on film is just try not to cry.

44:24Dana Carvey:That's what the good ones do. I know. I teared up in the read-through. You did? Grown-Up is a real roller coaster. Is it R-rated? Well, they don't do ratings on Netflix. I don't think so, but I don't think they would do that. It'd be a hard PG-13, trust me. Well, there's a lot going on in this movie. It's so complicated, Dana. It's too hard to explain. God, I just want to... Oh, let's get to some news stories because we're going along. I think so. Let's try. What do we got? Buzzing around. Oh, God dang. Buzzing. Why do I never see that? It's because I go full screen. I can't do full screen anymore.

45:05There we go. No, it just came up. Well, it's time. It's time. Buzzing around. Now it's time for Buzzing Around. Sponsored by 5R Energy's Firework Freeze Flavor. Ignite your taste buds with red, white, and blue. freezer pop classic reimagined as a delicious firework freeze 5-hour energy shot. Find firework freeze shots online at 5hourenergy.com or Amazon today. Dana will be giving us a little scenario with a few impressions.

45:39Dana Carvey:I think I'm going to do some people that have just landed on Mars. Landed on Mars? Mars, and you're one of them. David Spade. Oh, this is a good setup. Mike Tyson Tony Fauci and you can pick it either McCartney Jimmy Fallon or Lorne or all three I always like to hear Lorne okay Lorne and David Spade Mike Tyson and Tony Fauci and I may throw in okay so here we go they've just landed on Mars and they got outside there okay great it's a red planet that's why they always It's called the red planet. It's like it doesn't have as much gravity. So make sure you keep your weighted boots on. Right, David?

46:32Yeah, it's because of the phosphates.

46:37Dana Carvey:That's fucking wrong. It's not because of phosphates. Don't be silly. Mike, I'd like you to keep your boots on. Make sure you don't fly off the planet. I'm not going to put those boots on I got desert boots Mike please put on your astronaut boots Yeah but what are you going to do about it What are you going to do about it Well I'm not going to fight with you With this kind of gravity That's the only reason

47:13Dana Carvey:Hey I'm Tony Fauci Alright applause I'm so glad you could make it Tony But I have to ask, why are you, in fact, on this mission? I wanted to get away from that fuck face, Rand Paul. He's got it in for me. So I didn't do COVID perfect. So I wrote a couple of funny things in a diary. What are you going to do about it? Hey, that's my phrase. What are you going to do about it? Well, I'm taking the phrase. And what are you going to do about it? I say, what are you going to do about it? What about you, Jimmy Fallon? Don't you like being on Moth? I don't know if it's Tyson or the other one It's insane It's crazy

47:59Let's bring out Olivia Rodrigo

48:03Dana Carvey:Can you do it, Olivia Rodrigo? No, just someone that would be on the Tonight Show I did bring Paul He's out here Come on out of the spaceship, Paul Which Paul? Paul McCartney Because he talks about Paul's time You know, they didn't tell us it'd be so red. They call it, you know, the red planet. Until you get here, you can't really believe how red it is. Did he think he was back in the USSR? It's a song I wrote. I sat for a plonker. We've heard the stories, Paul. We've got to check in with Elon Musk. David, will you call Elon Musk on your radio? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Okay, he's on the line.

48:44Dana Carvey:Yeah, Elon Musk. Mars. We also had to get people on Mars. We can't be afraid of people on Mars because we had to get to Mars. The sooner we get to Mars, the better we can be able to tell a former Mars. Right, Lorne? I'm smarter than you. Can you host this September? Who else could be on Mars, David? We got a lot of people up there. Who else could be there? I like Fauci because he's in trouble. Aaron Rodgers is there and he doesn't like Fauci, you know, Aaron Rodgers. Okay. Hold on. My Aaron Rodgers impression. He was wrong about everything. Hey, fuck you. Fuck face. You know, what are you going to do about it?

49:32Dana Carvey:So I wrote some fanciful stuff. I met a Kardashian. What are you going to do? Sue me. I had a lot of fun during the pandemic. I was the most famous man in the world. It ain't a thing you can do about it You weren't more famous than Paul McCartney Even at your peak No, I think he was for a bit You know, about all that stuff I was King Cock And David Spade says I'm gonna stay here While you guys get in the Mars buggy I'm gonna see how it goes first Alright, everyone in the back with the Mars buggy Let's go Come on, jump on, everybody. We're going to go see if we can see like an alien or something.

50:20Dana Carvey:Aliens are great. I'd like to see a fucking alien, but I'm going to keep six feet of distance. That's perfect. I've always liked doom buggies. I'm Mike Tyson. And when I try to punch you, it doesn't hit you as hard. So don't worry about it. Right. Right. David Spade. Watch out, Mike. I bet you got a tiger in your tank. I'm steering the dune buggy everybody please relax we're going to be in like a crater in about two minutes and we'll stop for some lemonade Mike look for a circle K okay that was good that was buzzing around that was incredible that was really good you really put some energy into it sponsored by 5-hour energy's firework freeze flavor 5-hour energy the iconic red white and blue freezer pop flavor you crave with none of the sugar.

51:15None of the sugar. Spots a tasty flavor sensation with Firework Freeze 5-Hour Energy shots available online at 5-Hour Energy.com and Amazon. You could actually read that if you want sometime because you could go right into the ending.

51:29Dana Carvey:Yeah, and have somebody do that for me. You could go blah, blah, blah. Alright, that one's buzzing around. Well, Tony Fauci I hadn't done for a couple years, but he sort of Just because of those recent events, it's kind of funny. I just moved, Dana. I know. Tell us about it. You don't realize how bad your bedding has gotten until you try to put it to the next spot and it's falling apart. You got to replace it. I used to wrestle with the sheets. I understand. They completely slipped off the corners. Pillows. No support. I thought I needed a new mattress, but the fix was upgrading what actually touches my skin.

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56:16All right, good. That was really funny. Let's do a couple stories because we're running so late.

56:21Dana Carvey:We always have too much fun and then it goes on too long. Parents, oh, parents, I like when parents fool their kids. It's always rude. Parents fake ultrasound. Yeah. Oh, they fake an ultrasound prank to break the child's food habit. Oh, as if they have a problem.

56:47He has a big, he has a big German spot. Oh no, that can't be real. I like the kid. I like to put the phone like that. And then they put this fake thing on the screen.

56:57Dana Carvey:So they're telling the kid that's in its stomach? Yeah, and that's rude. That's the worst thing I've ever seen. And he's screaming. All right, that's enough. It can't be real, but the kid seems good. Well, people think pranks are so funny and they're so brutal. To make the kid just be in hysterics thinking this alien bug is in his stomach? Hysterics. I don't like it. I think that's child abuse. They do these things their dogs do. They trick their dogs. I'm like, don't do this. They don't know it's true. Now, when you do stories like that, you feel that that's what people want to see. Is that your idea?

57:35Is that funny to you?

57:36Dana Carvey:Is that funny to you? To see your child cry? I don't think so. Oh, I like that. I don't think so.

57:47Okay, next one. Okay. Got a hundred of these left. Great. Oh, this is just stupid. but this is when they turn the sprinklers on. Someone tries to jump into the sprinkler. Oh, wow. They're too strong.

58:04Dana Carvey:Yeah. See how far it goes? And what are they watering? A soccer field? Whoa. Yeah, like a whole field. They go, oh, this will be fun. I didn't know it was on 5 million RPMs. It's like a fire hose. Yeah, it's like how they spray people back. Coming out of hook and ladder. Natalie Lamar. Motif. you know how many times in tommy boy we were trying to think of a way to say that'll leave a mark it's like everyone's like say a different joke different joke different joke instead of that'll leave a mark yeah you just do a bunch what would be one ad lib instead of that'll leave a mark uh i think rob lo gets hitting the balls with like sandbags and i'm like that's gonna ruin your friday night it was like those kind of things just do a bunch but that'll leave a mark also punchier and also when farley got hit with the board i remember seeing him in makeup i go i don't think it's dark enough because it was light pink i'm like it should be so clearly cracked across your face yeah that there's that i just go uh and he's like is there anything on my face i'm like i don't you know it's like dark red i love visual jokes okay well next one next one next one um this student was falsely accused of drug use oh his school secretly photographed him through his law heather through his laptop camera while he ate candy at home so here let's play it do they play it or is it just a story can they sue them the lawsuit exposed 56 000 screenshots of students in their homes like doing their homework it just keeps taking pictures wow oh my god that's just a bigger fear of like no who cares are people looking and you're like no you can't do that i hope i mean i'm glad they got caught but just to be aware like they always talk about flock cameras right now i don't even really know what they are what are flock cameras dana you read a bunch of books the other day i would assume if we were at your house in los Angeles and we said let's go rob a few banks right every single second of driving to the banks going in the banks coming out wherever we went we'd be on camera everywhere there's cameras everywhere I know you know what's funny is when I was at the visa place they go you know you don't question anything they're buzzing me and take my phone it's like I'm on Epstein's Island or something I just let them all do it and I just stand there and like so I have no phone I'm locked in this and it was underground.

1:00:42I'm like, sketch. And then they go, okay, let's get your fingerprints. These four fingers, just press them right on there. It's like electronic. And I thought the lady was going to be like, so you're out of the bank? I'm like, no, no. Let me give you some different fingers. Let me mix them up.

1:01:00Dana Carvey:Yeah. Okay, there you go. I'm going to mix them up. Yeah, I got a little scared. See if you can pick out my thumb. One of these is going to be my wieners. I'm going to surprise you. See foreground. Remember what I told in the old days we take photos? You like to get to the foreground. Look how big my hand is just because it's in front. Well, the trick is when you take a wiener picture, you put your wiener way up there and then you lay back way back here. Then it looks like Godzilla. That's just classic. That's what 15th century painters ratio. You can definitely do anything you want in your little room.

1:01:39Oh, yeah.

1:01:39Dana Carvey:Still is the easiest joke in the world for about two weeks was that Anthony Weiner showed his wiener. Oh, yeah, I agree. Wouldn't you change your name? They should auction off that laptop. I always wondered what's on there. They said it's rough. Oh, technology begats hedonism when it comes to men, you know. I mean, when VHS came in, the first thing they do is make porn and put it on VHS tapes. That blew up the technology. Yeah. So with the technology, you can send a picture. Yeah, it's genius. Not good for certain individuals. It's not good for kids, that's for sure. Okay, so let's do one more.

1:02:23I always have so many. I think there's so many. Oh, this is Liam Neeson. They keep catching them with peons.

1:02:29Dana Carvey:Well, that's not. It's mean. And I'm not laughing. That's just Photoshopped or something, right? I don't know why. Well, then what is wrong with Liam Neeson? I mean, it's not. They're getting smaller at least. So what. Yeah, that's just joking. Why is it funny? Well, it's funny if it's not Photoshop. If it's real. I mean, are we really wasting AI with this shit? This is just. Save the water. Well, what's funny is that someone thought of this. It is a funny one. Did it with AI and posted it. And you and I were kind of going, is it possibly true? I fall for every single one of these hook, line, and fingers.

1:03:14I have skills.

1:03:14Dana Carvey:I have skills that I've acquired. I have skills. I never use bathrooms. I always just pee my pants. Why do I need a urinal when I've got good old-fashioned underwear to catch the urinal? Good luck. You know what the guy says on the other end? Now it's a little Jason Stratham. He goes, I have a certain set of skills, and I'll find you and kill you. And then he paused and the guy goes, good luck. And then he keeps playing about Good luck No, but then Then Liam Neeson I have skills I've acquired That make me a nightmare And the guy says Good luck And Liam Neeson He hangs up And Liam Neeson goes I didn't expect you to be so nice Maybe I won't go after you Yeah, he goes Oh, thanks Good luck to you too I appreciate you saying Good luck to me I'm Liam Neeson And from the bottom Of my shoes Go fuck yourself From the bottom Of my all new Let the Tony Fauci shoes go.

1:04:10Dana Carvey:Fuck yourself. All right, let's end on that. That's a good one. Thanks, Dana. Uh-huh. I'll see you soon. Same bat time. Same bat channel.

1:04:25All right, listen, if you're enjoying The Fly on the Wall, of course, hopefully you are, click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that god dang button on your favorite podcast app. Leave a review, a good one. Leave a five-star rating, nothing else. And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe, Dana. What do you think?

1:04:50Dana Carvey:I'm going to tell you this right now. Hit me now and believe me later. Fly on the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by, hold for it, Dana Carvey and David Spade or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweetech. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lepore.