A correct year for every last-32 game, Trumpian co-comms & breakfast with Sean Dyche

25:16So I suppose you could say... There's also that kind of vague sense that he's only there to take a penalty. I think it would have worked better if he said, I wouldn't mind seeing someone like Anne Ivantoni or Anne Ollie Watkins. I think pairing them together, you can kind of get away with the ands a bit more. I feel like a Cole Palmer is the emerging a or an for this tournament. but he's not here so it's a forlorn hope now this qualified james um for to trend on twitter which is never necessarily a solid bar um but a concerted campaign of paranoia led by the increasingly unhinged elton wellsby has led people to believe that the bbc won't be showing england versus the democratic republic of congo because because of the wimbledon coverage so it will just be on iphone and loads of people have chosen to believe this because it just doesn't happen to be in their schedules right now because they'd only just presumably got the game so uh people are mental and the the desire to get the boot in on the bbc is stunning imagine if they just didn't bother showing they just put it online yeah stick it on our panel that's fine no one's gonna watch this first couple of days of wimbledon be way more interesting outrage would be sensational day that is that kind of that like fury at the kind of uh omission of detail so no one's really confirmed this is happening it is just because no one said it's not happening you know i mean and you know you always see you see these stories where popular television series x is being removed from netflix in six months time and you get all these like social media posts about it and actually it just turns out the deal they've signed runs to whatever month and will be renewed like there's not actually a story it's just because someone's noticed this contractual thing and it's kind of a similar thing isn't it it's just like nobody's bothered to come out and say oh by the way obviously this will be on this is on tv i mean we know itv have probably said that it's on the bbc haven't they yeah probably most of the tournament yeah exactly do i get laura woods or someone to tell us to let us know um i i kind of want them to do it now they want them to shunt it onto onto just the website and have the world feed commentators no mowbray nothing just no analysis just get it on there to have them talk over the the half time as well and just just give it give it nothing and i want to see what the reaction would be the telegraph would actually explode i think of course they would it would be ridiculous i mean i think the thing is as well is that there probably are people out there who um if they're watching wimbledon on bbc one at 4 30 p.m on on wednesday i don't know and some sort of no hope a brit is has won a set against whichever seed they're playing they'd be annoyed that it gets taken off probably england versus the democratic republican congo will follow the end of this set oh god the rage there would also be like a comparison to you know they they showed fixture x earlier on in the tournament and it would have to be something that in their head would be like morocco against haiti or something they showed this but they didn't show our brave boys kind of thing on that note this came from tom miller this is haiti equalizing from very close range against morocco stephen wyeth on bbc comms duty

28:34I really like this, Dave. It feels quite American on the doorstep, but it could be some casual jargon from pretty much any sport, but I don't mind it at all. It really does the job that it's intended. Yeah, it's good. And we've talked before about knocking on the door, right? Yeah. And I don't know whether he had been knocking on the door previously during this game, but it kind of works as a delineation of that, doesn't it? Yeah, James, it doesn't necessarily need a concerted spell of pressure beforehand because it could just be like a delivery. He's left it on your doorstep in a safe place and he's there and he's knocked it home.

29:10Yeah, exactly. It kind of implies purpose and he's there for a reason and he's achieved that and now he's wandering off. Perfect. I'm not sure does it not if someone's been knocking on the door but then they do score will they not be going through the door rather than just standing on the doorstep it's a bit weird someone's knocking on the door you open it and they just stand on the doorstep I suppose this is more like somebody who's come around trying to raise money for charity and they've actually they've got a sign up you've signed up that fucking lottery wheeling away after securing your five pound a month donation yeah can I do it as a one off I would rather you didn't but yeah i mean much as we are clearly the gatekeepers of the language of football james um you know if i were to americanize this properly and say lenny joseph on the doorstep what sport could it be it could be anything is it feels basketball to me for some reason predominantly points are scored from a closer distance so maybe that's why okay but it kind of feels i mean maybe that's not true i guess because american not as yeah latterly that's That's the big thing, right?

30:16It's changed. Everyone's getting threes from the end of the front garden these days. Well, that's what these Amazon delivery drivers are doing, right? They're lobbing stuff from the end of the drive. So, yeah, maybe it does track. Rebound could be on the doorstep. But, yeah, I like it. Stephen Wythe, continue to do it. You have our blessing. I really enjoyed, I mean, much as I despise the 48 team format, Nick, and all the tedious permutations that came with it, watching Scotland's qualification chances dwindle by the hour over the course of the weekend was quite amusing. firstly because it had to be expressed in two decimal places which really lent an air of desperation to it and then it got to 0.07 percent which finally justified the literal use of hanging by a thread if anything that was too it was too thin yeah and um i also enjoyed how's like well timed steve clark's resignation was to basically the exact moment that it was confirmed like there someone was watching that kind of, that percentage could tick down, down and down, just finger hovering over the button.

31:18Yeah, poor old Scotland. If only they'd called up Matt Ritchie and they would have been fine. Next up, this came from rbarker82. He says, is it just me or does the co-commentator for Cape Verde versus Saudi Arabia sound like Donald Trump? And what a block that was from Faknetina. That was gold out. He's hit sweetly. Faknet gets in front of it. It's a big, big block. The biggest block. Biggest block. Greatest block in the world. I mean, we're not sure of people, James, attempting Donald Trump impressions in the mainstream media. I feel like that could have been one of them. Well, the whole thing, you think he was doing the whole thing in character?

31:57No, I'm just saying the likeness is enough for it to have been a mid-range comedian doing Donald Trump. Matt Ford is doing co-comps on Fox as Donald Trump. Your guest from last week, Jake Farrell, does an incredibly good Donald Trump. so maybe he could shine a bit of light on that. But yeah, that is incredibly Trumpian. The kind of hyperbole around that is incredibly Trumpian. Glenn Davis is his name. Quite sure what he's doing on the World Feed, but I'm not aware of his wider body of co-commentary work either. Two legends on the World Feed though, Dave. Martin Tyler and Andy Townsend. What a partnership, first of all.

32:34Wow, what a combo. It's the dream. So glad that they're still together at a World Cup doing what they do best. Yeah, I mean, it's just not two voices that you just never really associate with each other, though, right? And you'd assume by now, with their intermittent commentary partnerships, that they'd have some sort of chemistry going. Perhaps not, though. This came from Voyager Beyond Time. Here's Jordan making a substitution in the second half against Argentina.

33:12Don't do it! Oh, Martin. I want to be famous.

33:18There's something quite nice about that, actually. He just doesn't give a fuck anymore. No, yeah, that's true. I'm just saying what I'm like. Say this famous thing. he's always he's always had that kind of crap slightly daddy joke in his head in his locker isn't he yeah definitely um townsend literally not giving it time of day there wasn't a background chuckle there wasn't even a god it was nothing nothing from townsend but i guess the world feed maybe they don't go into that sort of thing canada versus south africa the first tie of the round of 32 here's itv commentator joe spate dave not gary bloom blowing apart the conspiracy led by former Canada players to keep the co-hosts in the tournament.

34:00It's Dwayne de Rosario amongst the Illuminati watching on.

34:08Might as well invite them. How did they get in? They didn't need to be invited. They got themselves in. Cheeky little handshake and in they go. That could be Keezy's new nickname for PGMOL next season, perhaps, couldn't it? Well, funny you mention that. They're rebranding themselves from next season, Dave. PGM are well done, no more. They're going to start being called Pro Ref. Oh. Yeah, some spin doctors got hold of them. They rebrand them. But yeah, they'll be Pro Ref for the 26-27 season. Make of that what you will. During the same game, this came from Blues for the Fisherman. And he says, here's a Canadian fan in the background, rather confusing his sports.

35:00Come on, David! I mean, North Americans, if you could not shout get in the hole during a FIFA World Cup game, that would be superb. We've got to retain some sort of decorum for this tournament. He's doing it deliberately, right? It sounded like it could be. I think it's a... Euro baiting. Is it like an obnoxious thing? Because I think people who do it at golf are kind of... There's some of them who are doing it knowingly just to sort of show off a bit. hasn't it? Yeah, yeah. In defence of the nation of Canada, do we not assume because this game was in LA it was an American? I mean, possibly. I can't tell from the voice, but the passion suggested Canadian.

35:39But either way, we'll lump them all together. No, I'm inclined to agree with you, Nick. I think it's more likely an American fan who's got tickets has paid shitloads of money to go to this game and it's just taking the piss out of the occasion. What kind of goal, James, would justify the use of the shout get in the hole is it long range goalkeeper kind of back peddling so like a kind of a lot a lofted shot okay the goalkeeper's miles off his line and there's a question mark until very late in the day as to whether or not it's going to hit the target that kind of feels to me like so it's not like it's not like a driven shot that goes quickly it's a lofted shot yeah that gives you enough time to kind of process is this going to go in or not Like that goal Patrick Schick scored at the Euros a few years ago where the goalkeeper got tangled up in the net.

36:25That's good because it has that layer of drawn-out uncertainty to it, Dave. What I had in my mind was a player going round the goalkeeper but really wide and then having to sort of measure that angled shot essentially in a really narrow angle and it goes really slowly and then a fan might shout get in the hole then. Like a putt. Yeah. I mean, you could shout it at Messi when he's sort of just walking on the halfway line. Get in the hole! Maybe that's what he meant, actually. Come on, Eustachio. Take up a pocket of space. Speaking of Canada's match winner, Joe Wood writes in, Dave, and says, this guy Eustachio sounds like the name someone would come up with to make a point about John Eustace not getting it.

37:06Yeah, bang on. That would be a very adventurous choice. Juan Eustachio. Yeah, Eustachio. Yeah, very, very good indeed, Joe Wood. We'll be back very shortly.

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38:08No, just Duracell. Remember, goats only trust goats because they're built different. And Messi only trusts Duracell.

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38:54welcome back to football cliches a reminder that you can sign up for dreamland for just 5.99 a month a whole year of dreamland has passed by now what a year it's been for that 5.99 a month you get ad-free listening of all of our episodes plus two episodes a month of dreamland our exclusive show that'll be back um towards the end of july and all sorts of other things as well just go to dreamland.footballcliches.com i remain fascinated james by the bbc's world cup 3d experience it's become a real kind of sort of televisual companion for me for this world cup but i not to the extent that it of graham bowman who wrote in and says i love it i watched the whole england versus ghana match from the point of view of jordan pickford in real time in real time yeah 30 seconds behind i mean i know there are the kind of one or two counter-attacks from ghana and obviously the kind of contentious penalty decision towards the end or non-decision towards the end but for the most part you're kind of watching england play the kind of horseshoe around the ghana defense right you're not quite far away view of that game well i don't know you're surely a bit off with the ghana keeper well maybe yeah obviously but yeah i mean if you had to pick a goalkeeper for a dominant team to watch a game through the eyes of Dave he's he's quite an active spectator I imagine so but fairly compelling I don't know you'd see his arms sort of flashing up in front of his eyes wouldn't he when he's kind of waving his arms in frustration um he sort of chunters his way through games doesn't he I mean you also would have seen you would have had the perfect view of the incident where he came flying out and there was a collision and he you know got the free kick in the end but um yeah I mean wow 90 minutes I mean that was obviously an objectively awful game to watch would it have been even worse or would it make that angle yeah better i would say so um uh i regret to report nick that graham bowman described this watching experience as raw dogging i can see the spirit behind it i'd rather not see it described like that but yeah there it was i can't rule out having a go at that myself to see how it goes next up back to domestic football now james chutney writes in with the reports from the daily mail that Newcastle have rebuffed a second bid from Spurs for Sandro Tonali.

41:05But crucially, Spurs didn't improve on their initial offer. They just came back with the same number. And Chutney says, I've just never seen this done before. Just gone back and asked them to reconsider their first offer. I don't think I have heard about this. Are you sure? Do you want to reconsider that? Yeah, it's pretty bold, isn't it? I mean, I can't think of any circumstances in which, I mean, particularly at this point of a window, that a club would change their mind seemingly within, what, like 48 hours. about selling one of their best players with two and a half months of the window to go.

41:36In what world do they suddenly just be like, actually, yeah, you know what? Seeing as you ask much more nicely this time, we'll do it, we'll do it. Spurs operating in a post-levy world and yet still they're upping their negotiation game, Nick. I'm quite intrigued by this. It sort of feels like a sinister air to it. Like they knew this new information had come to light, like he'd done his ankle or something like that. You sure you don't want to accept this now? He's knackered. Just checking. You would want more time between the approaches if that was going to be your strategy, right? You could sort of make sense if they leave it right to the end of the window and go, look, we're still up for it.

42:14If you are, ah, yeah, fuck it, no one else has offered. Yeah, come on, let's do it. Maybe just like an old championship manager cheat where if you just do the same offer twice in a row, it'll just automatically say, yeah, all right. Maybe they're just trying that. Now, no area of life generates more insane headlines than those for the royal family, James. Try this one for size. Prince George, 12, nearly towers over mum Kate Middleton as they step out for rare joint outing. So just to be clear, he's not taller than her, and that means he's nearly towering over her. I mean, I would contest that to be nearly towering over them, you do at least need to be taller than them.

42:51like i'd say there needs to be like like an inch in it maybe where you you definitely wouldn't say that was even at the age of 12 someone towering over their own mother absolutely spot on but yeah it does seem like a bit of a reach and he is like that is like quite a striking photo as it is i don't really think you necessarily need to oversell it yeah it's it's the same logic dave as when we say that you know player x has smashed player wise record if they've only sort of exceeded it by one goal. In this case, the smashing hasn't even come close to occurring. The breaking of the record hasn't happened.

43:23So, yeah. How many inches are we talking for a towering over, would you say? I've done three or four. Your heart's not in it. Come on, focus. Three or four is actually quite good. Well, to be real, it's unlikely that you're going to be like eight inches taller than someone, isn't it? It's probably... I mean, how tall is she? She's sort of... She's not short, is she? I don't know. Is it on a Wikipedia page? I don't know. Famously unrighteous. Can't rely on those, yeah. On transfer marked. Let's have a look. I'm going to see. It'll be on the internet somewhere, surely. 1.75 metres. What's that in feet?

44:005 '7 and 4", 5 '7 and a half. Right. So if he gets to 6 '2", I think that's a decent towering. Oh, that'd be a textbook towering. Absolutely, no doubt. So, yeah, hold your horses, UK media. Elsewhere, Alistair Foster writes in, Nick, and says, at a kids tournament the other day and a parent next to me has just told his under-8 son to stop admiring his own homework after a successful diagonal pass. Great to see that this sentiment still exists. It's so good. I love standing and admiring your cross field pass because you can see why players would do it. Like, it's such a nice thing to perform. You are going to give yourself a second to go and go, it's like a golf shot.

44:38Put yourself in the shoes of that, I think it was Hakim Ziyech pass that went all over the place I also like the idea of thinking right yeah I need to take this kid down a peg or two he's getting too pleased the kids are getting too pleased with themselves so I really need to just kind of It is the sort of thing that's drummed into you from a young age to not stand and admire your own pass but Dave the thing is about cross field passes is there really any need to get moving after you've delivered them? You're not going for a one two are you? I think it's fine even at the top level to admire your own homework for a little bit.

45:12I think especially if you're a fullback or a winger doing it from side to side. If you're central refielder, maybe you do sort of have to get round the other side to sort of support. But yeah, if you're Trent or whatever, and you're just pinging one 70 yards, by all means, admire it. You've got time to admire it while it's in the air. By the time it's been controlled, then you can crack on. I'm a big advocate for admiring your own crossfield pass. I think it's well within the acceptability limit. Now, time for footballers' names in things. This came from Will Tolley, first of all. He says, I've been watching the Beatles anthology and was very surprised to hear a current World Cup manager who has also had a fairly hapless stint in the Premier League being referenced by Ed Sullivan as he introduces the Fab Four on stage in Miami.

45:55Thank you very much. Thank you. Well, you know, so very nice to be here. Thank you, Raoul Frenick for that very nice intro. And now... I was expecting Jesse Marsh from that intro. it's good to know that there's more than one answer for that description at this world cup that's justification for a 48 team tournament i was expecting starley solbacke and i was fascinated to hear how he's going to get that in it's good that we kept you on the edge of your seat with that one now that was just a teaser for this i think this is one of the best we've had for a long time i hope you share my enthusiasm it comes from ryan bridget blake and he says which former england midfielder who peaked with leicester's title win appears in darling game over love by mikey p a song from the forza horizon 6 soundtrack

46:59fucking hell absolutely chaotic piece of music and then out comes danny drinkwater if they're They're not saying Danny Drinkwater. What the hell are they saying? Darling, game over. Oh, right. I assume. Fuck, okay. Hence the title of the song. Yeah. Jesus. Okay, fair play. Yeah, okay. Let's take the tempo down a little bit. Here's Sean Dyche posting his birthday breakfast on TikTok and still managing to turn it into a war against woke. You know, people can talk to me about breakfast and all that, but that's a real breakfast. That's a real birthday breakfast. all that mess you know oh could I have some seeds and some grapes and some yoghurt I got some aricardons I got some salmon seriously now and again it's really not getting another full Monty you beauty fascinated James by his by his voice for the for the vegan breakfast have oh can I just have is it Keir Starmer yeah it sounded like that's what I thought as well I saw it sounded like he was the only impression of Keir Starmer the sausages just sticking the boot in the man's just man's about to lose his job come on oh god it was so inevitable but you know what james on balance i think i prefer him doing this take on the back of his tiktok's breakfast rather than getting to like the classic twee breakdown of what makes the perfect full english i don't want to hear chat about the sausage being a breakwater and things like that just can we just move on from english breakfast chat so in that sense a saving grace perhaps.

48:31Yeah, I'd be surprised if he didn't have those opinions though. That feels like exactly the kind of thing he would be very kind of stringent on. The kind of architecture of Earthful English. Dave, what would you say, what English breakfast item would you say that Sean Dice reckons has no place on the plate? Chips? Fried tomato? Because that looked like, that didn't look like a greasy spoon English breakfast. It looked like a sort of reasonably nice hotel English breakfast. The beans were a little ramekin. Yeah, that's the sort of thing he would be against. So, yeah, conflicting stuff from Daishi.

49:08Also, just behind the breakfast, there was a glass, I don't know what it was, a glass of something kind of vaguely Prosecco looking. I mean, surely that's not part of the full Monty, is it? Yeah, exactly. A man of contradictions. You know, he wants football played a certain way, but he will get into sports science and he will back things up with data but just doesn't talk about it that's fine finally uh tom taylor got in touch dave and says i've been feverish this week so obviously i spent several hours watching and recording every single player intro from the lineups at the world cup i thought you might be interested in some of the raw data so i've attached it to this email i had to respond very solemnly and say i can't believe that two people have now done this and he said superb reply he says we're approaching the standards of peer-reviewed research okay took the news quite well yeah yeah yeah but oh i do feel sorry for him my heart goes out to him actually several hours watching and recording every single player oh god um yeah so as much as i appreciated his data presentation james which was superior to the original i will stick with edward hansing wong's original data as we go into the world cup lineup poses quiz three-way yeah why not okay if you want it if you want it let's do it um three-way dave you'll go up first and james who do you want dave's first player to be what's that for zina oh the goalkeeper for cape verd do the goalkeepers have gloves on in their in their poses i think i'm gonna go badge pat or is there is there a distinction between badge pat and badge thump not as far as i know right so i'm a badge badge pat going for bad strike.

50:47The answer is nothing. He didn't do anything. Wow, just Bielsa did. How did he not get that, Dave? This was pre-Instagram following, I guess. He didn't feel like he was going to be world famous. So perhaps you'd have factored that in. James, you'll go up first. Nick, give him a player, please. Portugal left back, Nuno Mendes. I can see him dusting off his shoulders and doing a turn of the head. Dusting the shoulders, then turning to face camera. You're going for shoulder dusting. Hell of a punt. The answer is point to badge. Nick Miller, you've only been awake for about half an hour, but how are your FIFA World Cup line-up posing quiz skills?

51:27That's my note. Dave, give him a player, please. Which teams are you following at this World Cup, Nick? But then he would have been at the game, so it might be less. Yeah. Do they show them on the big screen? I can't remember. I'm not sure they do. I've seen Portugal a couple of times. I've seen Germany, Curaçao, Saudi, Cape Verde, all those guys. OK, let's go for the midfielder, Germany midfielder. Is it Metzger, the guy who scored the first goal against Curacao? I think he is a badge pointer. Felix Nemecha, well, you're half right, but not in a sense that will get you a half point. He's pointing all right, but he's double pointing to his own head.

52:07Oh, that feels like quite a rare one. Right, round two for you, Dave. Can you get on the board? James, who are you going for? following Balogun American giving it big guns double fist pump he's an arm crosser I'm afraid James Moore round two for you Nick Miller who's his player going to be I'm going to go with Brazil ace Mateusz Cunha presumably he doesn't do the surfing in this he could be a double fist pump mouth wide open roaring he's an arm crosser of course he is good lord Nick Miller You're up next. David Walker. David Walker, what play are you going to give Nick? How about Manzambi? Johan Manzambi of Switzerland.

52:52Johan Manzambi. I'm going to go Badge Paul. He's a fist bumper. Round three. We're miles off it today. This is like that Switzerland-Ukraine to be out. David Walker, you're up for the third and final round. James, give him a player, please. Let's go England. Let's have Elliot Anderson. Right, Elliot Anderson. Badge Paul. Badge pull. It's badge point. So close. Only James or Nick can win it now. James, your second player, as decided by Nick Miller. Okay, let's go with Alexander Izak. Do we have finger waggers? I could see, because his celebration is the thumb over the shoulder. I could see him doing a similar, I can picture him doing like a finger wag.

53:37You're going for finger wag? I'm going for finger wag. He's a badge patter. Nick, only you alone. can win this absurd three-way competition. Dave, give him the player, please. I'll be... I don't know if this is being kind to Nick, but given your extensive history of following Turkish football, I'm going to go for Arda Gule. Has anyone other than Jake Farrell got any points in this game? It's utterly futile. Incredible. I did. I beat Charlie. Won nil the other day, actually. Oh, yeah. Charlie's terrible at this. OK, Arda Gule. Double fist bump. It's arm crossing. Thanks to you, Nick Miller. Thank you.

54:14Thanks to you, James Moore. Thank you. Thanks to you, David Walker. Thank you. Thanks to everyone for listening. We'll be back later this week.

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