Conor Coady's football club, alphabetical top flights & the world's most generic team name

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0:59Okay, tough guy. And Guy Pearce. Arm up! The Dog Stars, directed by Ridley Scott, in theaters August 28th. Get tickets now. Rated R. Under 17, not admitted without parents. This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was. The bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook.

1:57Absolutely incredible. He launched himself six feet into the crowd and Kung Fu kicked a supporter who was without a shadow of a doubt giving him lip. Oh, I say, it's amazing. He does it time and time and time again. Crank up the music. Charge a glass. This nation is going to dance all night. Wrexham, welcome to Connor Cody. Half-arsed gambling advert spiel, Jeremy Corbyn on allotments. Stephen Warnock makes a pig's ear of a cliche. How do we feel about doubleheader friendlies? An Albanian club name made up entirely of prefixes and suffixes. The alphabetical distribution of the pre-embryonic league tables of the European Big Five.

2:43Astonishing scenes in the edit history of Jimmy Greaves' Wikipedia page. And second-string clothes getting a run out before being left off the plane. Brought to your ears by Goal Hanger Podcast. This is Football Clichés.

2:58Hello everyone and welcome to Football Clichés. I'm Adam Hurry. This is the midweek adjudication panel. Joining me is David Walker. How are you doing? I'm good. And Nick Miller. How are you? Very well. Excellent. I've got a bit of an update off the back of last week's listeners' MHD episode. the climax of which if you haven't listened was a very enjoyable chat about why there seems to be an apparent dearth of chips in football stadiums yeah um i speculated that it was because nobody would trust the oily-faced teenagers who staff the kiosks of the football stadiums with a deep fat fryer um and it turns out i'm not a million miles away but i i should perhaps have had a bit more faith in the youngsters.

3:47So listener Christian, he got in touch with me and he said it's actually a ventilation issue. Not many football grounds, if any. There are a couple. I think Watford had a spell having some chips on sale at one stage. But basically, most football grounds don't have the required ventilation that you need. What a boring answer, but makes perfect sense. Exactly. Nick, I guess this does make sense because most food at modern stadiums is served in a concourse, which is pretty much adjacent to the bowels of a stadium, and they're famously unwell-ventilated places. Yeah, classically sort of directly underneath the seating as well, so you don't want to be ventilating oil or whatever right into the seats, do you?

4:32Quite a nice football-y smell to waft up, though, wouldn't it? Chips. and you make people hungrier and they want to go back down and buy them. Exactly. Yeah, it's like Sainsbury's pumping in the bread smell to the door. The next new stadium is going to boast chippy ventilation. Now, Nick, among the best correspondents I received before this episode was a tweet from former Nottingham Forest forward turned rock star Paul McGregor who objected to being described on last week's cliches quiz as a waif. Yes, I saw this. I'm standing with you on this one. I think he was quite waif-y. He was quite waif-y.

5:05He's a very, very sort of slim, not massively tall guy. So, yeah, I think you're fine. Yeah. I'm just having a look at him now to see whether I agree with him or you. Is he wavy? He's sort of got quite wavy hair, you know? It was sort of wispy. He was wispy. Yeah, wispy hair. Wispy and wavy. Wispy and wavy. I guess a little bit wavy. Yeah. Yeah, this won't be the first act of pedantry on this episode. A reminder, of course, that you can join us on tour in 2025. go to tickets.footballcliches.com to get your ticket and join us in Brighton Cardiff London Birmingham Dublin Manchester not Leeds or Glasgow because they're sold out but it's going to be brilliant a footballer's names in things popped up yesterday that I'm saving for the live show because it's so good and if that's not a reason to turn up I don't know what is so come and join us I am looking forward to it as you said the other day only two months to go now which you know starting to starting to get there when you start putting this show together soon don't we but um a london show is on a sunday we've never done a sunday show before it's on sunday the 12th of october and this led me initially to think whether any listeners who would be so minded to get involved in a potential cliches extravaganza of watching ribblesdale play on sunday morning watching super sunday in the pub in the afternoon then doing the cliche show in the evening.

6:31Oh, I fear for you. It's a hell of a stint, that, isn't it? Slight spanner in the works. It's in the international break, so they won't... I'm not sure what's going to be on on some Scottish football, maybe. No, even that's not going to be on, is it? Maybe England would be playing on the Sunday or something, but it's not quite as... Might have to watch the F1. Oh, God. That sounds like one of the worst days of my life already. I'm not even watching the F1 in a pub. I just don't know how that would work. Listen, I've seen it. It's starting to be a thing. Really? It's starting to be a thing. You're seeing people and it's always the McLaren fans in their orange T-shirts.

7:06Is it on the little chalkboards outside? Rubbish. That's putting people off. Don't put people off. Come to the live shows. Tickets.footballcliches.com. Right, time for the midweek adjudication panel. Quite simply, Nick, Connor Cody, welcome to Wrexham. I think the people who I spoke to about the club, I think the people within the club, I think really attracted me to the football club. I love playing with good people. I love being around good people. and that's what's certainly here at this football club. I'm not here to just be part of Wrexham, I'm here to really drive the club and hopefully take the club to the place where it wants to be and that's what I've come here for and I want to play there again.

7:40It's as simple as that, I want to be part of that again and I want to be part of it with this football club. That's another thing that I'm really thankful for for the football club. I've spent a lot of years away from home and it's the first time with the football club but a lot of players have played in this division before, they know about it and for me, I'll give you everything. I'll give you everything every single day of my life of being at Wrexham, being part of this football club, being excited to be part of this football club. It's got everything you could possibly hope for from a Connor Cody interview, Nick.

8:05Jack Copper of listenfairplay.com fame has done his analysis on this interview. Five minutes and 28 seconds, this interview is, and Connor Cody reels off seven football clubs, which is 1.28 football clubs per minute, astonishingly. There are an additional 16 instances of a club, the club or this club which i actually did not include in my montage slash analysis i let those slide but they are very much part of the kind of wider earnest tapestry of being connor cody so let's get to the crux of this this is one football club from connor cody every 46.8 seconds which just beats his record set on his everton unveiling of one football club every 47.8 seconds so he's getting better he's showing no signs of slowing down it's probably his last move as well isn't it probably his last opportunity to to really do this so it's nice that he has beat his own record yeah but i mean dave this is perfect the perfect combination of player and club to to beat his record i think yes i mean just the whole thing is just there's almost if you actually watch this video there's a sort of smirk on his face like it's almost as if he sort of knows what he's doing surely this must have been mentioned to him at some point i mean it's it's mad really he's just a lovely bloke he gets away with it i'm all right with him i think connor cody's just a tremendous man i really like him yeah no i think you're right i think it does feel genuine for sure but um one point because i'll give you everything every day of my life the whole interview is like that Nick.

9:40There's proverbial brick walls everywhere. It's wedding vows.

9:47In sickness and in health. Richer, poorer, don't mind. Do you think that you say it's his last move, but do you think this kind of, this persona that he's obviously is this designed to actually extend his career beyond any kind of like normal football career would. You know, he can sign for a club, he doesn't actually have to play any football. He can just be the The guy that is good to hang around. Yeah, and also like coaching, managerial career. He can do it. Yeah, for as long as he's in the game, this can keep happening. He actually spends a large portion of this interview essentially framing himself as someone who's great around the dressing room.

10:26Like he says, I'm going to come in, set the standards every day and that sort of stuff. So he barely talks about playing at all. Although he is raring to get started. Of course he is. I think setting standards is fine to say of yourself, but I thought you were going to say, I'm going to, you know, I'll be laughing there. I'll tell some jokes, you know, banter. Bless him. Yeah, great man and great to see he's keeping his numbers up. Right, this came from Jesus Freak. Here is Rangers new boy, Oliver Antman, talking after their 3-0 win over Victoria Pulzen in the first leg of their Champions League qualifying tie.

10:59Well, Oliver, how was that for a Rangers debut? Yeah, it was great. great atmosphere great stadium yeah we played some good football and yeah took the three points no not three points we won that's the most important thing Dave great to see someone finally correcting themselves it's a classic pitfall it happens all the time this is this is the byproduct of autopilot post-match footballer interviews finally someone has had the self-awareness to take a step back and say do you know what no no it's not right yeah yeah that's nice nice bit of awareness and also like that he still got in, that's the, we won, that's the most important thing.

11:38Even when he was laughing, he still got in, obviously, the win is the most important thing. I mean, just getting the points, getting the three points, Nick, is just so core to the football interview experience. If you can't have that, you're lost. A couple of rounds from him being accurate there, it sort of seemed to serve as a nice, lovely little sort of tension breaker as well. He seemed quite stiff. maybe he hasn't really done many of these kind of postmaster interviews before. But then when he realised, oh, what a gaffe, then he had a nice little laugh and everyone was relaxed afterwards. Yeah, teammate next to him joining in.

12:09It was just fantastic. Yeah, feel-good factor everywhere. Speaking of autopilot half-arsed football chat, here is an excerpt from a Skybet podcast advert. This is basically it in its entirety, actually. XG, park the bus, put it on a plate, put it in the mixer. How's your touch? Wand of a left foot. On the beach. Fergie time. Top bins. Lins. Hang it in the loo. It's not for everyone. It's for the fans. What? That's it? We just reeled off some phrases. Some of them are on vogue, some aren't. What's the point? It reminds me a little bit of... I remember going to see Morrissey many years ago, before he'd said most of the really bad stuff.

12:59And before he came out, there was some sort of foreboding music, over the top of which someone was just reading aloud bad things, bad words like cancer, Margaret Thatcher, all this kind of thing. And it was one of the weirdest things I've ever heard, and that's kind of a lighter version of that. I mean, we have a vested interest here, Dave, in football phraseology, but you can't just chuck these things in and say, well, that's it, that's fatigue, and you're rubbish. Yeah, not quite sure what the point was. It's for the fans, just for the fans. But a nice selection, though, I would say. Very broad, very broad selection.

13:30Yeah, a few quibbles, but we'll move on. Next up, Dave, this is Jeremy Corbyn on allotments. He says, of course, social housing is desperately needed, but we need not sacrifice these vital green spaces to build it. We can build on ex-industrial land and take over empty properties. Even then, we should ensure social housing is accompanied by community gardens, an adequate growing space. Is this government going to put the nail in the coffin of the joy of digging around for potatoes on a cold, wet February Sunday afternoon? the Stoke chat has reached allotments this is great February's good for this I think yeah Sunday afternoon as well yeah classic allotment territory surely I think so I had a look actually there are 80 different allotment sites in Stoke-on-Trent so plenty of potential for this to go the whole hog Roy DeLapp chucking his turnips as far as he can right this came from Danny Wilson here is Stephen Warnock on 5 Live talking about Chelsea's youthful squad.

14:28Now, Chelsea fans might argue and say, well, we've just won the Club World Cup. Great, but over the course of the season, you had ups and downs, pigs and troughs throughout the season. Nick, for my own sanity, please confirm he says pigs and troughs. Yep, pretty sure he's had pigs and troughs there. Lovely. I mean, sort of works. Dave, what percentage of the five live listenership at that moment have gone away from that show thinking, maybe it is pigs and troughs? all this time. Does it work? Maybe it does work. I love it. It's pigs and their troughs. The pig is eating from the trough. Yeah. The trough is below.

15:11Yeah, it could work. I'm sorry to Stephen Wardock, but it feels like ridicule. I'm not. I want to slightly entertain the idea that the phrase could be pigs and troughs, and we've been saying it wrong all this time. Brilliant. Right, more straightforward now. This came from Billy Clark, Dave. Here is the sound of Grimsby's Cameron McJanet doubling their lead against Crawley in League Two on Saturday.

15:43That should be the new Ellis James crowd noise. But more pertinently, Dave, what a thumping header sound that is, by the way. Yeah, proper thumper. Lovely sound. Really nice. When you're at a football match or you're close enough to a pitch where you can hear and you almost feel the sound of professional quality balls, they do always sound harder. All right, Troy Deeney. Yeah, yeah. Don't you think they sound really hard? Yeah. That sounds like you're just going to, you know, sticking your head on that. I hate a properly pumped up ball, Nick. I want a bit of give to my, you know, polyurethane.

16:25Yeah, but also when you're playing five, unless someone's very fancy and they're playing with a professional quality ball, there's always, there's that sort of, it's not the sound of like a flyaway ball with that ping on it. Yeah. But there's always an element of that. I don't know whether that's just the lack of skill involved in the person kicking the ball or the ball itself. But yeah, you never hear that sound that satisfying in anything other than professional football. It's such a sweet spot though, isn't it? because even just a little bit underinflated from where you want it to be is terrible.

16:57And it just ruins the feel of it. I just don't like it. But if you just go a little bit over, again, I think it ruins it on the other end. One of our, the assistant manager at Ribblesdale, he's a bit of a gadgetman. He's always bringing along all sorts of contraptions. He's got like a massage gun. He brought a drone along to the game a few times. And he bought one of these pumps for the balls that are sort of like a proper sort of professional pump that you just blow the air in. You don't have to like do the old sort of hand pumping thing. And it's got like a little reader of the, is it a PSI?

17:30Yeah. So you get it like bang on. And he did that with all our balls and they're just too hard. Yeah. It's not fun. It's harder to control. It's not as satisfying. You want it to embrace your foot to an extent, not to sort of angrily confront it. But particularly at Five O'Side, there is always one person. if there is that little bit of giving it there is always one person usually the one who takes it all too seriously says ball's flat lads, ball's flat you've got to go and pump this up playing with a flat ball it's just awful as well but yeah there we are but yeah if they ban heading then this sound is going to go as well that'll be a real shame little footballers names and things for you this came from Colin, the great Colin it's from a YouTube live stream of planes landing at Leeds Bradford Airport during Storm Floris

18:21i think the pilot of this is called mike newell

18:27doing good so far there you go similarly um retrograde views on female pilots presumably yeah it's a shame for mike newell that his his his sexist opinions overtook the fact that he was the guy who scored a hat trick in the champions league you'd want that to be your headline wouldn't you but no I don't think we can rule out that it's him he could just be an amateur pilot in his retirement he looks quite commercial airline pilot yeah he did in his pomp I can see what you mean actually yeah slick looking yeah could be right next up Liverpool played Athletic Bilbao in a double header at Anfield on Monday night Nick and Favourite4 writes in and says during the second game of this double header the commentator said in the last meeting between the two sides in reference to The first game that finished about an hour before.

19:14Surely that's not applicable here. You can't have that. No. First goal that Liverpool have scored against, Bill Bauer, since four o 'clock this afternoon. Dave, we rail against tenuous stats about things that happened in 1948. We can't have it both ways, can we? No, no, of course not. The last meeting. It's the same meeting, isn't it? Even though it's a doubleheader. Even though it's a doubleheader, it's the same meeting. Actually, Nick, how do we feel about these doubleheader friendlies tearing at the tapestry of the structure of football. I've heard of, there have been friendlies where they've played three halves of 45 minutes.

19:48What? Yeah, just to give more players some game time. So they play three lots of 45 minutes and call it one game. The doubleheader's very kind of, I mean, well, the three halves thing is mental. The doubleheader thing is quite sort of family fun day, isn't it? I imagine there was inflatable stuff in the car park. And you need that stuff for a doubleheader, Dave. I mean, no matter how invested you are in your club's fortunes, and you've turned up and you've paid your money to be there. I'm also thinking about the Emirates Cup here when there's two games in one day. It's hard to sit through two games of football.

20:21It's hard to watch one game sort of get started, reach its climax and then sort of peter out and then watch another game go through those same patterns as well. It's difficult. It's like watching four games in a World Cup day. It's like, well, I've done this. Yeah, and I think you need there to be a junior and senior partner of this thing. of this thing ideally the first game would be a bit of a warm-up starter and main yeah exactly two standard 60 minute games is a bit weird this is not entirely unfamiliar to me anyway because it's it's been quite one of the successes of the hundred in cricket yeah is that they have done these double headers where yeah where they have the women's team will play first and then the men's team will play second and in many instances most of them i think in fact that the women's game is always kind of much more entertaining can you imagine if they did that with england football imagine like the lionesses played a full game and then the men senior team came on afterwards it'd be i mean it'd be great but it'd just be be too much almost too much going on yeah that is that's too much i mean i couldn't i couldn't sit and watch four hours of sort of live football would be being sort of assembled and dismantled twice but i could handle maybe like an under 18s game and then the men's senior team.

21:35So you need that, as you said, Dave, that sort of dynamic of starter at main, basically. Yeah, that's too big a combination. But someone in a commercial team somewhere is thinking about it. Speaking of which, this episode is brought to you in association with NordVPN. For those who don't know, VPN stands a virtual private network. It secures your connection, protecting your personal information and online activity, especially on public Wi-Fi. A VPN can also make your phone or laptop appear as if it's in another country, which is great for accessing content while travelling. On that note, here is Celta Vigo's Iago Aspas, just sat down at training, listing the 2015-16 Leicester City squad.

22:30I would pay good money to hear Iago Espas on stage just saying Demarai Gray's name in that way. It felt like there was a, I don't know whether, presumably not deliberate, but he felt like he'd left a couple of pauses for someone to say whatever the Spanish firm, what a player he was, by the way. Yeah, there was a bit of that going on for sure. I mean, you know, you say you'd pay good money. Like what? International break. Sunday, October the 12th. He's not going to have much on. Come along, Iago. Let's get you on stage. I love the way that he lingered on Albright. And then he looked up, Nick, you're right.

23:05He did look up to his teammates. Was it Marcus Alonso? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know he was at Celta Viga. Yeah. And that was like a real sort of game knows game. Yeah. All Brighton though. Yeah. Yeah. The spirit of this podcast really does appeal to people just sitting down listing players' names. If you want to try NordVPN for yourself, go to nordvpn.com slash cliches. And our link will also give you four extra months on the two-year plan. It's the best discount available. There's no risk with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee. And the link is also in our podcast description if you need it. We'll be back very shortly.

23:44Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions. Who wins the league? Who qualifies for Europe? And who's lifting the trophy at season's end? On Calci, America's number one prediction market platform, you're trading against peers in a live market, meaning there's no house. And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10. K-A-L-S-H-I.

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25:04Stop piecing your software together. Go to odoo.com. That's O-D-O-O dot com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook.

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25:52Welcome back to Football Clichés. This is the Midweek Adjudication Panel. A reminder, if you go to dreamland.footballcliches.com, you can sign up for our exclusive membership. For£5.99 a month, you get two episodes a month of Dreamland, our exclusive news show. Episode five, In the Works, for the start of the news season. You also get pre-sale access to Football Clichés live events and free entry to Clichés quiz live events as well. Right, next up, news that Darwin Nunez is close to an agreement with Al Hilal, Nick. Fabrizio Romano says it's 350 % done between the clubs. again a very precise exaggeration why what a figure to pick out of the air yeah this is like trump saying he's reduced drug prices in the us by 1500 percent yeah you know we've cut drug prices by 1200 1300 1400 1500 percent i mean yeah as we now come to expect from romano completely and utterly ludicrous it's just getting out of control wasn't there one the other day where he was reporting on an email being replied to lovely little detail lovely little details in there from romano yeah he's he's flat out is he just being cc'd into the emails now is that it just why not just get him in there just copy him into all correspondence he's gonna find out anyway 25 million followers on twitter nick what would you do with that i just think it can't be him all the time.