Counter-attack calculations, club nickname knowledge and Keys & Gray in 120 seconds

20 Aug 2026 · 59 min · 21 chapters

Ask about this episode

Ask anything about it. ChatGPT or Claude reads this page and answers with the times it was said.

Connect VO and ask about every podcast you hear, including the moments you saved. Add to ChatGPT · Add to Claude

In short

Football Clichés episode 396 (with a “Keys & Gray in 120 seconds” segment) covers: VAR transparency and the impact of releasing near real-time referee/player audio; Chelsea renaming its U21/U19 teams to “Cobham Next Gen (CNG)” and what that implies for academy branding; a debate over “Premier League proven” as a recruitment label (how high the bar should be, whether it can be lost, and examples like Matt Target, Dwight Gayle, Issa Diop, and Liam De Lapp); and several football trivia/banter items (John Stones’ “accent” on DAZN, club nickname quiz results, and a “Halftime Hero” film about Harry Redknapp).

Guests

none in this episode—hosts are Adam Hurrey with Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker (the “Midweek Adjudication Panel”).

Key claims

releasing ref audio will “feed the beast” and create new talking points; “Premier League proven” is vague and easier for defenders than strikers; De Lapp likely counts as proven after enough output (e.g., double figures) and sustained evidence over multiple seasons.

Notable examples

Chelsea’s Cobham Next Gen; Juventus Next Gen; Matt Target (Hull); Dwight Gayle (150 PL apps, 26 goals); Liam De Lapp; Troy Deeney; and the “Tyler and Loro” FIFA/computer-game idea.

Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.

Chapters

Tap a time to open that second in VO

Recent Football Moments

0:42 to 1:06

Discussion of recent football events and their implications.

“You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new.”

Recent Football Moments

1:58 to 2:43

Discussion of recent football events and their implications.

“He does it time and time and time again.”

Pre-Wedding Jitters

2:54 to 4:00

A light-hearted chat about wedding preparations and last-minute suit shopping.

“I'm Adam Hurry and this is the Midweek Adjudication Panel.”

Listener Corrections and VAR

4:00 to 5:08

Addressing listener corrections and discussing recent VAR developments.

Chelsea's Youth Team Name Change

5:08 to 10:28

Debating the implications of Chelsea renaming their youth teams to 'Next Gen'.

“Yeah, so referees and players, though, that's not...”

Gary Weaver's Commentary Style

10:28 to 13:19

Analyzing Gary Weaver's commentary during a recent match.

“I think it cements Cobham's place as the preeminent training ground.”

Counter-Attack Calculations

13:19 to 14:00

Evaluating a specific counter-attack situation in a recent game.

“I mean, all three attacking players were ahead of, sort of behind the defence as the winger sort of ran through on the right.”

Discussion on Commentary Dynamics

14:00 to 26:26

Exploration of the commentary styles of Martin Tyler and Loro in football.

“you kind of do have to count them out a little bit because it is everything that's in front of them.”

Discussion on Commentary Dynamics

26:31 to 26:42

Exploration of the commentary styles of Martin Tyler and Loro in football.

“There's no risk with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee.”

Calci App Promotion and User Engagement

26:42 to 28:12

Insights on making predictions in soccer with the Calci app and user experience.

“Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions.”
Show all 21 chapters

Preparing for the Q&A

28:55 to 29:54

Hosts discuss the range of questions they received for the Q&A.

“Dreamland episode 30 is being recorded directly after this episode.”

The Obvious Coffee Story

29:54 to 30:06

A listener shares a personal anecdote involving a cesarean and humor.

“You can sign up for Dreamland for just£5.99 a month.”

The Obvious Coffee Story

30:10 to 31:35

A listener shares a personal anecdote involving a cesarean and humor.

“It wasn't a planned one, and having been through a lot over the last few days, she was understandably very nervous.”

Quiz on Club Nicknames

31:35 to 32:54

Hosts discuss a quiz about football club nicknames and their experiences.

“Charlie, guess who's finally gone to the Saudi Pro League?”

The Ladder Quiz Challenge

32:54 to 35:59

Hosts engage in a quiz challenge related to football.

“A very straightforward quiz popped up on the BBC website this week, Dave.”

Discussion on 'Half-Time Hero'

35:59 to 42:00

Exploration of a forthcoming film about a West Ham fan's unique moment.

“As I said before, Dave's last ladder as a free man.”

Film Portrayals and Jeff Stelling's New Venture

42:00 to 47:10

Discussing the challenges of depicting football in film and Jeff Stelling's new football-themed promotional project.

“what will be interesting is that they will have to depict football in this film but they're going to have to depict somebody not being that good at football he scored though, didn't he?”

Fabrizio Romano: From Journalist to Potential Agent

47:10 to 48:19

Exploring the possibility of Fabrizio Romano transitioning from journalism to becoming a football agent.

“This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome.”

Reflections on the Week's Football and Outrageous Remarks

48:19 to 56:00

Concluding thoughts on footballing matters, including outrageous comments from a former manager.

“Basically, what's the thinking here, Sean?”

Reflections on Key's and Gray's Dynamic

56:00 to 59:35

Explore the evolving nature of Key's and Gray's broadcasts and their impact on viewers.

“And then people are like, I'm not actually going to listen or watch this thing.”

Reflections on Key's and Gray's Dynamic

59:39 to 1:00:17

Explore the evolving nature of Key's and Gray's broadcasts and their impact on viewers.

“Sports Social Podcast Network, the biggest voices in sports.”
Hear the part that matters, and keep it.Open this episode in VO. Double tap your headphones to save a moment as you listen.
Get VO free

Transcript

Automatic transcript. May contain errors.

0:00Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions. Who wins the league? Who qualifies for Europe? And who's lifting the trophy at season's end? On Calci, America's number one prediction market platform, you're trading against peers in a live market, meaning there's no house. And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10. K-A-L-S-H-I, Calci. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors.

0:32Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calsheet.com slash regulatory.

0:39Charlie Eccleshare:This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required. Compatibility and availability varies 18+. Late night bites with friends? Already hard to beat. That first too hot bite of fries you couldn't wait for, followed by ice cold Pepsi.

1:15Now that hits different. Suddenly, the energy kicks back in. The night goes longer. And the laughs don't stop.

1:22Charlie Eccleshare:Because Pepsi brings out more flavor, more fun, and more of the moment. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a Pepsi Zero Sugar today.

1:58who was without a shadow of a doubt giving him lip. Oh, I say, it's amazing. He does it time and time and time again. Break up the music.

2:10Charlie Eccleshare:Charge a glass. This nation is going to dance all night. Do we really need near real-time ref audio in our news cycle? Answer, yes. Chelsea's latest stress testing of the collective Games Gone threshold, The first glimpse of Medi Weevil commentary for 2026-27. Briefly panicking about the jarring prospect of Martin Tyler ever commentating alongside Mark Lawrenson. What does it actually mean to be Premier League proven? Attempting Sean Dyche prize draw. And episode one of Keys and Grey Unleashed, squeezed into just two minutes. Brought to your ears by Goalhanger Podcasts. This is Football Clichés.

2:53Charlie Eccleshare:Hello everyone and welcome to Football Clichés. I'm Adam Hurry and this is the Midweek Adjudication Panel. Joining me first of all, Charlie Eccleshare. How are you doing? Very well, thank you. Alongside you, David Walker. How are things? Things are good. We are, what, 48 or so hours? Just over 48 hours till wedding day. One of my best men hasn't bought a suit yet, so that's where we are currently. does he own a suit he owns one that he doesn't like and he told me he told me that i i asked him to go i said let's go for a pint before the wedding on friday because it's not till three so we've got a bit of time and he was like what time do you want to meet because i think i'm going to buy a suit on friday morning for fuck's sake i don't think that's alarming they're really easy to buy i i could feasibly do that and i'm i'm a planner i would happily do that oh on the day on the day not a lot of margin for error he's got till 2.30 isn't he Jesus he's going to be fine absolutely fine but yeah today is the 396th football cliches podcast of David Walker's life as a free man is it outdated free man chat I know it's very chaps at wedding but I think it is a bit yeah it's meaningless though isn't it I don't think it hits at the patriarchy or anything thank you to listeners for their latest corrections um stenhouse muir not stenhouse muir the annoying thing is as always with this sort of thing charlie i looked up the pronunciation of stenhouse muir sorry stenhouse muir before we recorded uh where do you think i went to try and find out the pronunciation of stenhouse muir wikipedia nope can you find like an old classified scores somewhere spot on i'm gonna find the bbc classifieds from 1980 i think it was 1982 i watched two videos um and not the great uh a young james alexander gordon no it wasn't him it was his predecessor len or something i can't remember his name but yeah so i found it noted it forgot it and sometimes the emphasis just takes over in your head but yeah stenhouse muir so people genuinely annoyed by that and i completely accept it right adjudication panel var evolution mini evolution continues apace Charlie in what looks like a kind of relenting to media pressure and or an acceptance that VAR has to feed the media machine the audio between referees and players will be made available as live on broadcast this season so we won't be able to hear it straight away but they will sort of play it very soon after how do we feel about this this is going to add to the pantomime I don't I know this veneer of transparency is quite alluring for some people, but this is just going to feed the beast, I think.

5:41Yeah, so referees and players, though, that's not... Because the thing that the commentators already get, they hear the sort of VAR to referee dialogue, don't they, that fans don't hear. I mean, players and referees, that feels more harmless in a way. Really? Well, because you're not hearing, like... I think it's more revealing to hear what are the officials all saying to one another. Whereas, yes, it'll be helpful a bit. They're slightly explaining their decisions. But a lot of it is just sort of crowd control. When you watch the ref cam stuff, they're kind of just telling them, step away, captain please, and things like that, which is sort of fairly interesting, I guess.

6:21But it's not massively revealing of why they reached the decision.

6:24Charlie Eccleshare:I do find it interesting, Dave. Definitely. I've enjoyed all the sort of ref cam audio clips that get released. Do we want it to be fed into the near real-time content beast is kind of what I'm asking here. I think it definitely opens up avenues for those who are minded to read too much into it. I think there will be moments where some refs will be a little bit too, let's say, friendly or casual or jokey with certain players. And that might be used as evidence as to why they might favour one team over another. I think whatever happens none of it's going to live up to Tony Adams and David Ellery famous clip is it?

7:05The cheat

7:05Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah Yeah I don't know well if it provides you know 2 % of content for a Tuesday episode of Football Clichés maybe I'll start to become more amenable to the idea but I fear for it I fear for these sort of things becoming immediate primary talking points for games ahead of the football which is a fear But maybe the transparency thing has some validity too. Okay, let me test your games gone resilience now, Dave. Chelsea have renamed their youth teams, that is the under-21s and under-19s, as Cobham Next Gen, open bracket CNG. I'm trying to think of what my level of disdain for this is. Is it American?

7:46Charlie Eccleshare:It feels a bit American. Well, is it American? I think it's easy to sort of say that because they've got American owners, but I don't know if there are any examples of this actually being a thing. I suppose in American sports, like in baseball, for example, you're twinned with an actual proper minor league club or whatever. I don't know if you rename your own youth team like this. So maybe that's doing the Americans a disservice. But I think it's weird. It doesn't smell good, does it? Maybe it's the name itself, Charlie, rather than the act of doing it. I mean, we don't sneer at Real Madrid Castilla, do we?

8:20Charlie Eccleshare:Or Barca Athletic. So maybe that is something that could be considered. But let's look into Chelsea's logic a little bit. The new name more accurately reflects the age profile of our leading academy side and Chelsea's long-standing heritage of developing the next generation of players for the senior game. So this implication that they're not necessarily for Chelsea. These players are for the wiser game, so they don't need the Chelsea name anymore. I can't think of what the hidden cynical angle for this is. Yeah, I mean, I guess it is. They think it's just not cynical as such, but they probably just think it's a better way of marketing the teams and drumming up interest for them.

8:56Charlie Eccleshare:Should have called them Conveyor Belt FC. Yeah, exactly. Or Production Line FC. Feeder. Yeah, I mean, Next Gen, they use it in tennis a lot. They have a Next Gen Finals even, which is for the best 20 and under players from that year. And they pushed that quite hard about a decade ago for a group of players. And you still hear it kind of used. That is very generic sort of generic sports marketing kind of thing, isn't it? I mean, it's interesting that if you, you know, if you've got like young, youngish kids who are starting to play football and there are these sort of things that are, they're like, they're not the academy, but they're like outreach programs.

9:33Right. Feed the programs into the academy. Yes. And there might be a child who plays for that, who sort of tries to, or a parent indeed, who tries to sort of brag that their child is in, plays for Chelsea or plays for whoever. You could get all the way to the under-21s now, never play for the first team and sort of go, I was on the books to Chelsea until I was under-21. This is it. It was Cobham next-gen, actually. I had a trial for Cobham next-gen as a kid.

10:02Charlie Eccleshare:Maybe it's just a ward off the really annoying parents. You can't say your kid plays for Chelsea anymore. Juventus is under-23s, Charlie, are called Juventus next-gen. They ply their trade in Serie C. after under-23s were allowed to kind of join the league. So they're called Juventus Next Gen, and they've got a terrible logo. So, yeah, there is precedence for this. But it feels quite a comfortable games-gone moment for enough people, I would say. I think it cements Cobham's place as the preeminent training ground. Really? I think. I mean, it's got to be the one that's most... Hale End, I'd say, is just above it still.

10:41Charlie Eccleshare:but Cobham's more of a factory Hayland is more of an organic player production thing for Arsenal's purposes but also Hayland's separate because Cobham is the Chelsea training ground as well isn't it whereas Hayland is just the youth thing whereas London Colney is the Arsenal training ground yeah yeah I mean Juventus already means young doesn't it so it's kind of the young young next gen how young are we getting here that's a very good point we've managed to get through this entire sort of two three minute segment Dave without saying that it sounds like something from pro-evo. So congratulations to all three of us on that.

11:14Charlie Eccleshare:I just don't think it does. I think that's why. I really like it. It's more FIFA, if anything. Keep me out of here. Good, good. He's dabbled in the Scottish Premiership. He's had a little nibble at the Championship, but this felt like the day that Gary Weaver's season got truly underway. As Rex and Lutzu move forward again here with Kiefer Moore. More on the move. It's what he does here.

11:47He's the king of this capital. And this place is his castle. Whether playing for his club or his country, his eyes light up when Cardiff is the destination.

11:59Charlie Eccleshare:I mean, this is fairly tame Weaver, Dave. I'd call it six and a half out of ten Weaver. But there's no way that Daniel Mann was ever going to get this fixed, was he? Cardiff versus Wrexham. absolutely nailed on weaver territory all the way and we got we got a last minute equalizer as well for him to really get stuck into but i don't know i was watching this game live and it did feel a little bit to me like do you think he now feels like he has to go there with these sort of medieval castle embattlements things does he have to do that it didn't feel like a lot of heart was behind that castle this time Charlie so that I share Dave's fears for Weaver yeah I mean I was going to say that at least it is it's not just the team so there's a little it's a little bit more specific with an individual player but obviously there's still a reasonable chance he would have scored so it's not like that would have you know that could have defied his planning yeah more to come from Weaver I imagine just warming up still down to league one we go this came from Nat and it's some counter-attack counting from Plymouth Argyle's in-house commentator in their 3-1 defeat at home to Stockport at the weekend.

13:21Charlie Eccleshare:Charlie, how do you feel about 3-0? I mean, all three attacking players were ahead of, sort of behind the defence as the winger sort of ran through on the right. I mean, how technically true was that? yeah you never really you never hear that do you like um i'm trying to think how else you would because obviously you always there always has to be at least a defender there trying to think how you would normally do that it's like there are three of them streaking clear or something i mean i suppose dave on a on a technical basis they have to be running at the defense for it to be a x on y counter attack so if they are in behind the defense and the defense is simply chasing them albeit a mere yard or two behind, so still in the game, you kind of do have to count them out a little bit because it is everything that's in front of them.

14:09Charlie Eccleshare:So I do sympathise with a three on zero here. Of course the goalkeeper gets left out of the equation. Of course they do. But I've just never heard it before. They've got three players clean through here. Well, it's the thing. It was the Plymouth commentator talking about Stockport. So it was the kind of aghastness of the situation. Oh God, it's three on zero here. So it's just a realisation of it that really hit home. Further down the EFL, we go to League Two, York City's return to the league, Dave. Guy Mowbray confirmed York City fan, and he was in attendance at the weekend alongside Martin Tyler and Loro up in the stands.

14:46Charlie Eccleshare:And it just got me thinking that Tyler and Loro is a combination I don't think we would ever have witnessed before. Surely that never came up in the football computer game, Tom Bowler, did it? Tyler and Loro. I think it did. I wonder if you knew about this. Yeah, I think it was. Well, Loro certainly was on FIFA games around the turn of the century. And I'm pretty sure Tyler was still the main co-com then. John Motson was the first commentator for the FIFA series and he commentated alongside Loro. But then Tyler took over in 2006. But Loro had already stepped down from co-commentary duties by their state that the twain never met to think of the audio magic that could have been produced well i mean specifically dave i mean not only do they feel incongruous in real life like of course their their parsons would never have crossed on on mainstream tv but in a kind of being themselves aspect on a computer game i don't think their styles would really dovetail either so you've got sort of tyler's sort of play on words and then you'd have to have lauro sort of replying to the play on words with a kind of withering comment maybe that would work actually i'm not sure i don't think the energies are a great match no no there's such different outlooks aren't they tyler's so like relentlessly positive and loving the game everything about it and laura just really bringing the vibe down laura would just grind him down i think it wouldn't eat slowly yeah it would actually affect martin tyler's real live commentary actually so yeah i'm kind of glad that never happened but i'm fair to know to know what they talk about uh whilst guy mowbray is sandwiched between them if all we need to do there is swap martin tyler out for a studio pundit and we've got a dreamland voices of football episode right there yeah that's quite handy um we'll go to york city game and do it behind them sincere cliches chat here now charlie mason brit writes in and says have you ever defined what premier league proven means now this see this feels quite a similar debate to what constitutes world class but i think there's more nuance to this he says you see the phrase thrown around so much in the summer transfer season, especially for players being signed by teams coming up.

16:53Charlie Eccleshare:See Matt's target. But my friends and I haven't been able to pinpoint what defines it. So how high should the bar be for Premier League proven to you? Is it just someone who's played in the Premier League and held their own? Or do they have to really excel? And also we should specify what the kind of upper end of this is, because you wouldn't be talking about Premier League proven for someone who's like really good. No. Erling Haaland's Premier League proven. So it's got to be someone of a certain level who's... It's like a mid-range Premier League player, isn't it? But how low you go... So Matt Target was one of the people they...

17:27Charlie Eccleshare:I have to confess, I don't know who he's signed for. Hull. Right, okay. That's a really good example, I would say. Pretty unremarkable player, but has... I mean, it does lend itself quite well, I think, to defenders and certainly full-backs who you're not sure exactly how good they really are. There aren't such quantifiable metrics. Like for a striker, I think that's slightly harder. Yes. Or maybe it's slightly easier to do because you're like, well, how many goals has this guy ever scored? Whereas this is just a sort of, yeah, he's played. I've never really noticed him. And he seemed like he wasn't out of his depth.

18:01So he's proved himself in the Premier League. I think it's an increasingly sort of outdated concept in some ways, though. because it's often, you often hear it, I think, when people are talking about promoted teams who have just come up. Or, you know, fans will talk about it as well. Like, well, you know, we need some Premier League experience. We need some Premier League-proven players in the squad to give us a chance and that sort of thing. But there are plenty of examples. I mean, look at, you know, Sunderland last year. Yes, they, obviously, Granit Xhaka was, you know, was obviously a hugely Premier League-proven player.

18:36But most of the other players they signed, They sold loads and most of them did well. We're from all over the place. And there's plenty of other examples of teams who go out and do that and buy players from wherever. I just think recruitment is so much more advanced these days. The simple notion of Premier League proven is something that you think probably managers of your more proper football man-y type managers would put more stock in.

18:59Charlie Eccleshare:Oh, yeah. It's like reliably vague kind of blanket term. I like Matt Target for this, Charlie. But I think as you've hinted at already, I think it's an easier label to give to defenders and midfielders because they can do a job for you, whereas strikers are measured by the number of goals they've scored. And Mason Britt offers three strikers to test this Premier League-proven theory. Dwight Gale, who's played a lot of Premier League football, 150 appearances in the Premier League, but only scored 26 goals. And he's also, as Mason Britt says, the poster boy for not being able to do it in the Premier League and being too good for the championship.

19:32Charlie Eccleshare:He might be right at the top of that list. So is he Premier League proven? He's played a lot. Lots of Premier League teams have trusted him as their number nine. He's sort of proven himself to be maybe not quite at the level. He's sort of proven to be a little bit of a kind of maybe too good for the championship, not quite good enough for the Premier League. I mean, just looking at Ipswich, their squad, Issa Diop they signed. He feels very Premier League proven. Yeah, he's old. But yeah, absolutely seasoned Premier League. He's 29. He's had a couple. Oh, really? Yeah, he's been good for a couple of clubs, hasn't he?

20:07So that again, but he's fairly unremarkable. I don't think your average fan would have much to say about him other than, yeah, he sort of played Premier League and seemed all right.

20:16Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, I'd feel good about my promoted side signing someone like that, a 29-year-old Premier League operator. But a very interesting case study, Dave, was Liam DeLapp. He says he's been another one we spent a while debating. Can you essentially lose your Premier League proven status after proving yourself in the first place? I think you need to back it up. I think one season is not enough of a body of evidence. And there are too many players who've had decent seasons and then faded away back into championship obscurity or whatever. Spot on. Yes, I think you need a couple of seasons. I think for a striker, I think it's reasonable to say that you need two, maybe three seasons of scoring more than getting into double figures, maybe.

20:58Like Troy Deeney's a bit of an edge case. When he came up with Watford in mid-2010s, I think he had, we were in the Premier League for five seasons, I think in most of them he got into double figures or close to, if not every season. And I think you would say he's a Premier League proven player without being an amazing Premier League player.

21:18Charlie Eccleshare:Quite like simply the double figures target for this, Charlie. If Liam De Lapp had got double figures for Chelsea by hook or by crook, you know, from the bench or whatever, last season, no matter how many games he'd started, would you would you consider him Premier League proven by this point yeah yeah I think he almost he's proven he can sort of do it at this level so I think there's an there's enough there that even that he hasn't sustained I still think there'd be enough teams that would be like certainly you know and obviously this isn't reliable because they're sort of spinning it but you know if a new club signed they'd definitely be like you know he's been Premier League striker for the last couple of seasons always been a handful for defenders I think that first season is enough to sustain him for a little bit longer.

21:57Charlie Eccleshare:Okay. But yeah, it is a subtler concept than I thought, Dave, this. Well, there is also an extension of this down in the championship where you do have sometimes, to take Watford as an example, this desire to recruit championship experience and a proven championship. He knows how to get out of this division. Operating, yeah. Because if you're a club like us, and there are others but who rely on a lot of players from Europe or wherever, there is that feeling that you need some championship greats and scrappers. And our increasingly beleaguered chairman, in fact, released a statement this summer saying that he'd instructed our recruitment team to go out and find players with championship experience and that type of player.

22:45And then we've signed six players from Udinese. But the search goes on.

22:53Charlie Eccleshare:they just happen to be the best players available right themselves these gags um let's move on this came from henry price charlie says i was on holiday last week in italy lying on the beach and an italian father and son were in the sea lobbing the ball at each other and diving like goalkeepers trying to save it the son managed to finally save one and breaking the stream of italian they were speaking their dad screamed what to save gordon banks in his breath in his best british accent which threw me off an unbelievable amount incredibly jarring but also slightly heartwarming to know that an iconic British line is loved elsewhere.

23:25Charlie Eccleshare:I suppose this does meet the threshold. I just never imagined that someone from Italy might ever utter it in these situations. They must have heard that from Three Lions. That's where they must know it from, this Italian father. That's my assumption, yeah. Rather than they just know that bit of commentary, that feels way more likely, which in itself is still cool. Depends how old the dad is, unless he was around in the 70s and he can remember, he was a bit of an anglophile and was tuning into the coverage or whatever. Yeah, but that would be like a 70-year-old man and his 40-year-old son lobbing the ball at each other.

24:00Sounds fun. Yeah, maybe. I can't actually do that with my own dad personally. Hopefully it wasn't just any old save. It was actually like down to his right tipping it up.

Read the full transcript

24:15Charlie Eccleshare:So difficult to get down under the water. But yeah, genuinely heartwarming. to know that that's being uttered across borders. Anyway, this episode is brought to an association with NordVPN. For those who don't know, VPN stands for Virtual Private Network. It secures your connection, protecting your personal information and online activity, especially on public Wi-Fi. A VPN can also make your phone or laptop appear as if it's in another country, which is great for accessing content while travelling. Indeed, we stay in Italy next. This came from Patrick Walton. Here's John Stones' first goal in Inter Milan colours in a friendly against Real Betis.

24:52Charlie Eccleshare:A simple task for you both. Which utterance of John Stones' name by the DAZN commentator is your favourite? Marco, John Stones! Scores! His first goal for Inter, just minutes after making his debut, John Stones, the English international, left all alone in the middle of the books, coordinates his body puts it past Mano Gonzalez could do nothing this time very well taken shot by Jonestowns

25:37What's going on?

25:38Charlie Eccleshare:The last one was a lovely treat, wasn't it? What actually is going on there? I don't know, but I love it. What is that accent? It's an incredible voice. Yeah, yeah, just delightful delivery. Charlie, I think we found this year's thing that Charlie Eccleshare can't stop saying in the dressing room before the live show. This has planted a seed in your brain, I suspect. Yeah, don't let me hear this again. No, well. John Stones. You are going to bloody well hear it again. Here they all are in quick succession. John Stones! John Stones! John Stones! The second one's very Oasis, isn't it? Yeah. John Stones.

26:17I thought that's maybe what he was going for. He was leaning into the Manchester thing.

26:21Charlie Eccleshare:I don't know, maybe. Stones is a Yorkshireman. Yeah, yeah, John Stones. If you want to try NordVPN for yourself, go to nordvpn.com slash cliches. And our link will also give you four extra months on the two-year plan. It's the best discount available. There's no risk with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee. And the link is also in our podcast description if you need it. We'll be back very shortly.

26:50Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions. Who wins the league? Who qualifies for Europe? And who's lifting the trophy at season's end? On Calci, America's number one prediction market platform, you're trading against peers in a live market, meaning there's no house. And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10. K-A-L-S-H-I, Calci. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors.

27:23Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calsheet.com slash regulatory.

27:29Charlie Eccleshare:Imagine buying your kid a toy only to find the batteries aren't included or buying furniture but missing the tools to build it. Frustrating, right? Now imagine the exact same feeling but you're paying way more. That is what buying business software usually feels like. fragmented, disconnected, and incredibly expensive. Odoo completely changes that. Odoo is a complete, fully integrated business suite where all your apps actually talk to each other. We're talking automated lead routing for your sales team, seamless AI integration, and intuitive point-and-click website builder. It's everything your business needs to scale, saving you time, headaches, and money.

28:11Charlie Eccleshare:Stop piecing your software together. Go to odoo.com. That's O-D-O-O dot com to learn more.

28:55Charlie Eccleshare:Welcome back to Football Clichés. Dreamland episode 30 is being recorded directly after this episode. We have amassed a ton of subscriber questions for the first Football Clichés Q &A. I'm excited about this, David. I think we can safely call this wide-ranging. Yeah, very much so. I mean, there are a couple of, you know, lightning rods where people have asked a lot of the same questions. I think we're going to have to finally reveal who you support, mate. There's so many questions about it. Some good Keezy stuff as well. But yeah, there's a good range. Yeah, it gets just to the right of line of hyper personal, doesn't it, Charlie?

29:31Charlie Eccleshare:Some of these questions. Yeah, you read the questions and you're transported to sort of the after show drinks. Yeah, I can feel that energy as I read them. It won't just be us talking about our lives. Yeah, but you can't leave halfway through this podcast, Charlie. Yes, I hope you enjoyed that. That episode will be out slightly later this month. You can sign up for Dreamland for just£5.99 a month. You'll get ad-free listening of all of our episodes, plus two episodes a month of Dreamland, our exclusive show, plus access to Happy Hunting Grounds Premium, all sorts of other things. Just go to dreamland.footballcliches.com.

30:10Charlie Eccleshare:Now, Obvious Coffee got in touch, Dave, and says, My wife had a cesarean this morning. It wasn't a planned one, and having been through a lot over the last few days, she was understandably very nervous. To put her mind at ease as we saw the surgeon attending staff and anaesthetist preparing, I said to her, Look, these guys, they're all top operators. I think she was reassured, but not sure why I was chuckling, and it didn't seem right to bring up Richard Keyes just then. I don't think he would have said it in quite the same tone as you giving him there. You were quite jaunty there. Yeah, a little bit jaunty.

30:39I think he probably would have lent it into the Keyesie. Look, these guys, they're top operators. You're in good hands.

30:46Charlie Eccleshare:Andy, what? I suppose that's literally true in their case. Shouldn't an anaesthetist be included in the top operator? I think you'd like them to be. Yeah, absolutely. I was like, I want a subpar one. I'm just saying, is it operating in the Kesean sense? Well, yeah, I do think so. A good friend of mine, he's an anaesthetist, and I think he is considered a top operator. I don't want my anaesthetist to be a schmoozer, a game player. I just want them to do their job and fuck off. I'm not sure that's what a top operator does. Anyway, but as Obvious Coffee says, Dave... Really walks in. to your cesarean.

31:28Charlie Eccleshare:But yes, as Obvious Coffee says, what a podcast capturing the imagination even in life's defining moments. Thank you, Obvious Coffee. Charlie, guess who's finally gone to the Saudi Pro League? Some clues for you. Bucket loads of goals in his home league, then a stepping stone European league, then a big money Premier League move, then a succession of underwhelming loans, then moves to all three Turkish giants and now the Saudi Pro League by the age of 32. Great question. Bucket loads of goals in his home league, stepping stone you're a big money Premier League move. All three Turkish giants. Yeah.

32:01I'm trying to think of that Galatasaray team that had so many. They had like Ziyech and Zaha. Yeah, I think you're in the right,

32:08Charlie Eccleshare:you're probably in the right ballpark here. He's so Saudi Pro League. And I was kind of surprised he's only 32. So he's a striker then, presumably. He's going to be playing alongside Nabil Fekir at Abha Club. So his home league's not in Europe? Yes, it is. Oh, it is. Is the home league Dutch? Close. Belgium. Belgium. Yeah, man. Oh, Arigi? Painfully close. Benteke. It's Michi Bacuay. Bacuay. Yeah. Ah, yeah. Of course he's in. I can't believe he hasn't been to Saudi yet, but yeah, that Turkish trio really stalled his Saudi progress. But he's there. He's there for a club I never... There keeps me like new Saudi clubs that I haven't heard of going, wow, where have you come from?

32:48Charlie Eccleshare:But yeah, Abha Club. The leaders of the South, as they're known in Saudi. Anyway, good luck to him. A very straightforward quiz popped up on the BBC website this week, Dave. Can you name all 92 club nicknames in the Football League and Premier League? I backed myself here. I think they were always listed on the first early Championship Manager Games. They bled into my brain from there, really. It was a Sporkle-style quiz. You get stuck into it. You could write it in at the top or you could do it club by club. I didn't realise you could do the first thing, so I went club by club. So I had a little first run.

33:23Charlie Eccleshare:I think I've got 81 out of the 92. Then I went back and did the second wave, plucked some real air punches out of the way. Exeter, Walsall, Burton, Mansfield, and surprisingly Huddersfield, which took me a little bit too long. I got them mixed up with Barnsley. It was really annoying. Happens sometimes, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. But then I was left with three. I've got 89 out of the 92. And I think those three are going to be the most statistically likely that everybody else would be left with. Salford, Newport, Fleetwood. Yeah, I did it as well. It's such a great Friday afternoon activity, this.

33:54I got 88 and the ones that I missed were Salford, Newport, Port Vale and Exeter. I was annoyed by Exeter because I did know it. When it was real to me, I was like, oh, of course, yes. But the other three, I didn't. I couldn't for the life of me get Salford, Newport or Port Vale. I think there are some of it, you know, you can get away with that. If you're really struggling for some, you know, just sort of put in the colour of the club. And sometimes that works. or like an abbreviated version of the name, you know. But it's nice when you get one bang on. It took me an annoying amount of time to correctly spell Chesterfield's nickname.

34:33Charlie Eccleshare:That's a lot of vowels going on there. Charlie, what intrigued me most about this quiz, as straightforward as it seemed and as well as I did straight away, was just the mechanics of your brain. It's not like trying to pinpoint a player who's played for a club. It was basically just your brain rolodexing to that club and then going, yeah, I think this is their nickname. So for so many clubs who never really passed into my consciousness for 11 and a half months of the year. And then finally, just to get their nickname in my head, it felt reassuring that I was in touch with the pyramid. Well, yeah, I'm pleased actually because I haven't done this yet.

35:04But when you said Chesterfield there, I did it in my head. I'm just checking I did get that right. And that's from, it's a great nickname. And that will be from that FA Cup run, I'm sure, in 97. That's when I would have first heard that. And it's just somehow stuck around. Because I can't really remember hearing that much since.

35:20Charlie Eccleshare:I still don't know what Salford, Newport and Fleetwood's nicknames are. I didn't even bother to look them up. If I didn't know it, I didn't know it. Fleetwood I actually got via an incorrect guess for Grimsby. Oh, okay. And it turned out that it gave me it for Fleetwood. Could be a clue. Which gives you a bit of a clue there. Yeah, great quiz. I thoroughly enjoyed it. On the quiz note, it's time for the ladder. Will this edition of the ladder, Dave, end up being so good that I spend five hours editing together a video clip for social? Hope so. hope so yeah it can't live up to last week's heights can it it feels unlikely but you never know that's the beauty of happy hunting grounds is you never quite know what it's going to throw up I actually got on the daily game the other day I got all six for the first time in ages you didn't form what a happy hunting grounds week I had last week and it was brilliant as well because the sixth which is like the bonus one if you get five and then you get the sixth one as a bonus was a Watford so it was Watford at Stadium of Light so played right into my hands I feel like the women's 4x100 metre relay team and we've got Amy Hunt in top form.

36:25Charlie Eccleshare:Right. As I said before, Dave's last ladder as a free man. I'm doing the thing again. Okay, let's do this. I mean, for all of last week's excitement, Charlie, we only got to level four. So we can do better, can't we? Okay, level one. Who has scored for Arsenal at Ewood Park? It was Arsene Wenger's first game. Ian Wright, 96-97. Blackburn 0, Arsenal 2 At the double, Ian Wright Level 2 Who scored for Arsenal at the Vitality? So we can't do last season, can we? Wait first, before you answer this, Charlie Because you'll get it Who does your mind go to here, Adam? Because these ones are interesting with big clubs Against clubs that are modern Premier League clubs There's not an obvious, I don't think, sometimes historical reference That you go to The logical brain would go more recent And pick someone much more reliable but Saka I always for all kind of Arsenal away games for teams who've been latter Premier League characters I go Alexis Sanchez because I'm just I would have been convinced that he scored there in say 16-17 Okay Charlie?

37:28He did I'm pretty sure but to be safe Odegaard at the double 22-23

37:35Charlie Eccleshare:Bournemouth 0 Arsenal 3 goals by William Saliba and at the double in the first 11 minutes no less Martin Odegaard Level 3 more Arsenal no who was scored for Norwich at Upton Park level 3 I know wow so with Norwich rule Fox I often sort of go for Chris Sutton 93-94 if I'm struggling for anything specific I feel like he's a good percentage guess that feels completely the safest bet yeah because you can go you know you can try or you do obviously you can't do in this case with Upton Park but if you like Pookie's often a good shout for like 19-20 but we can't do that here annoyingly here as well West Ham weren't in the Premier League in 11-12 which is when Grant Holt and Steve Morrison were quite good it's got to be Sutton 93-94 Sutton 93-94 wait well hold on a sec when were they out of the Premier League they came up they were there for that season weren't they they missed the first season correct yeah yeah okay we happy with that I don't want to fall at level 3 Chris Sutton 93-94 West Ham 3 Norwich 3 Goal scorers Rule Fox Could have been another Wilkinson moment And at the double Chris Sutton Lovely stuff Level 4 To match last week's effort Who was scored for Swansea at Selhurst?

39:03Did you go to that Mechu Oh no because they weren't They weren't there They weren't there They came up the following season didn't they? Wow

39:08Charlie Eccleshare:Baffer Timby Gomez Yeah so Gomez or Bonnie Bonnie he had that good 13-14 season didn't he and 14-15 when he got the move halfway through Sigurdsson that's when Palace was shit yeah Sigurdsson it's good shout it's one of them it's one of them isn't it Bonny's prolific prolific seasons were Palace in the Premier League both times yeah because they've been in since it was a season and a half though really there was a mad Palace Swansea game I'm pretty sure yeah but that was at the Swansea that was Bob Bradley that was at the Liberty was that a 5-4 that was at the Liberty Yeah, should we go Bonnie then?

39:45Bonnie He scored more, didn't he, than Gomez? I think so He did And he was a penalty taker as well So maybe 13-14 Palace were really crap for the first half of that season

39:57Charlie Eccleshare:Bonnie 13-14 I mean, that seals it Charlie's bit of extra context Happy with us, Dave? Yeah Alright then Bonnie 13-14 Crystal Palace 0 Swansea 2 Goal scorers Nathan Dyer And Michu Oh, so he was still knocking around long enough to have been one of his only goals that season. Oh, well, Boney's never scored for Swansea at Selhurst. Nor has Gomez, to be fair. So, poor. Poor from us. But we're never going to live up to last week's heights, no matter what we did. By the way, if you sign up for Dreamland, you'll get access to this in the form of pub mode, where you can generate any level you want or even attempt to scale the ladder.

40:34Charlie Eccleshare:So it's worth the entrance fee alone, I say, let alone the bonus episodes of Dreamland. So sign up there. Next up, can't really believe this is happening. Any element of it, really, to be honest, Dave. A forthcoming film called Half-Time Hero depicts the moment that Harry Redknapp brought on a West Ham fan during a pre-season friendly because he'd been giving Lee Chapman so much lip from the touchline. And it's going to be immortalised in film. Eddie Marsan is going to play Harry Redknapp. Yeah, well, I mean, he's a good actor, but I'm interested to see how that performance turns out. enough to this story to warrant a film?

41:11Charlie Eccleshare:I think, having read the synopsis somewhere, it isn't just about the moment itself, Charlie, but it's about the years that pass and a journalist going to find this guy to retell his story. I don't know how compelling that bit is, to be honest. Yeah, I mean, I'd be kind of curious to know how they stretch this out. It feels more like a play. You know, you could do a short sort of... An Edinburgh show. That's what it is. It's an hour-long Edinburgh show. Exactly. You don't need a lot of sort of apparatus for it, I guess. Yeah. I don't know. Producers claim Deadline.com are positioning the movie as Billy Elliot meets the full Monty.

41:46Charlie Eccleshare:So there's going to be a jovial vibe to it. It's not going to be a gritty one. I can sort of see where they're going with this. But yeah, production is currently underway in London. Are we looking forward to this, Charlie, in any way? Wow. I'm looking forward to your sort of two-minute summary of it. Okay. what will be interesting is that they will have to depict football in this film but they're going to have to depict somebody not being that good at football he scored though, didn't he? he did score though, didn't he? did he? but he still must have looked out of place like he's not come on and dribbled past the whole team has he?

42:21do you reckon the sequel would be like the David James cameo? yeah

42:25Charlie Eccleshare:we'll be up for seeing that it's like Quantum Leap make it an anthology series yeah yeah oh wow actually okay maybe I am on board with this it's being directed by Ole Sanders the highlight of whose IMDB page is the fact that they directed the music video for Die Another Day by Madonna right okay are they Premier League proof unsure also being produced by Ridley Scott's company so yeah could be some serious action sequences but fuck knows half time hero so no cryptic title for it Charlie It's just called Halftime Hero. Sturzes him in to go on. Yeah. Other surreal scenes. The mind boggles here, Dave, about how many emails back and forth must have gone into this.

43:13Charlie Eccleshare:But Fabrizio Romano, in a paid partnership, has tweeted out his classic style agreement reached language for Jeff Stelling's involvement with football mobile game club. and he's doing a pretend TV show as part of the game. Is it a pretend TV show? It's like a sort of a podcast, isn't it, that they're doing as part of an offshoot of this partnership? I think it's just a promo thing. I don't know if it is a real thing, but it's called Jeff Stellings Football Shaped Thoughts and Feelings on Football Club Owners and Other Football Things. So there's a level of irony going on here and the advert for it is very, it's classic non-plussed members of the public being confronted with Jeff Stelling in situations you'd never expect to see Jeff Stelling on the toilet, etc.

44:01Charlie Eccleshare:What a classic advertising trope that is, Charlie, isn't it? What are you doing here? Reading a newspaper and then suddenly pops up. For God's sake! Romano's involvement, I mean, how much would this cost? How much would it cost for Richard Romano to tweet out Jeff Stelling's pretend podcast as part of a mobile football club game? I feel like Stelling as well, or whoever's behind this, has slightly misread the room given And it doesn't feel like Romano's Mr. Popular right now. Yeah. Yeah. Weird times. I don't think this is going to hasten Romano's departure from the industry. I was going to say, when I first saw this pop up before I properly read it and got my head around it, I thought, is this what Romano was building up to?

44:40I'm chucking in the transfer game, me and teaming up with Jeff Stelling. Oh, God. Launching a podcast with Jeff Stelling. That's me out of the game.

44:48Charlie Eccleshare:No, no. There's still plenty of football content left. You know that last week when we were talking about his LinkedIn post, and there has been a few pieces written about him this week or whatever. But one thing I don't think we brought up last week or we didn't consider is that could he become an agent? Could he become like the new George Mendes kind of knockoff sort of figure? I don't see why not. I mean, surely if you've immersed yourself in that world for so long, I mean, obviously he's got to get his badges, I guess. But other than that, I don't see why not. I reckon there are loads of players out there, Charlie, who'd happily be represented by Fabrizio Romano, given how the game is these days, which is essentially marketing your young players to be bored.

45:24Yeah, I mean, that was where a lot of people were commenting about that, saying, yeah, that's surely the natural move for him. I do like the idea of him just having a real passion for education or something and becoming a civil servant or working in policy. It's just a complete departure. I'm moving out of football for good. I'm going to become a teacher. Sub-editor. I could see him being like a food influencer, cooking up food in his kitchen. Okay, here we go. And whatever it is, he's rustling up.

45:50Charlie Eccleshare:Is he Mario? let's a go but no there's still plenty of football content left as demonstrated by the fact that Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe of Parenting Hell are now doing Footballing Hell which is they're going to be their third episode every week which I think pound for pound that looks their promo picture looks the most like a bloopers DVD it's astonishing of any footballing podcast ever basically I want to know how deliberate that might be David yeah maybe it is exactly like a 2000s football blooper DVD The expressions, what they're wearing. The font. The font is so like it. It does make me think it's knowing.

46:26Charlie Eccleshare:It's mad. Generic football pitch behind them. Yeah, it's extraordinary. Do you feel threatened, Dave, by Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's football podcast? No, I don't think I ever feel threatened by other podcasts. But, I mean, Parenting Hell is massive. It's colossal. So, I mean, I did see a lot of people in the comments, sort of, who were suggesting that they don't really like football, but they love the parenting podcast so much that they'll listen anyway. I guess so. You know, it's got a chance, I think. My missus is going to be listening to that. No doubt. Not to cliches. What a betrayal that will be putting out on the same feed cynical, but no, no, no, go for it.

47:01Charlie Eccleshare:And good luck to everybody. There's room for everyone.

47:11This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think, you know, a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required compatibility and availability varies 18+.

47:37Charlie Eccleshare:The perfect lunch combo. That first bite of your favorite sub followed by ice-cold Pepsi. Add a couple of friends and now that's next level. Suddenly, the laughs get louder. the stories keep flowing, and the food tastes better. Because Pepsi brings out more flavor, more fun, and more of the moment. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a Pepsi Zero Sugar today. Have no fear. Chosen Foods is here to defend your favorite foods from the forces of seedy oils and sketchy ingredients. With cooking oils, salad dressings, and mayo, all powered by the good fats from 100 % pure avocado oil and simple, delicious ingredients.

48:15Charlie Eccleshare:Chosen Foods. and let's catch up with sean dyche who's really giving his um yet to be published sub stack the promo push i'm fascinated to know what the content's going to be based on the promo effort alone and here's his latest attempt to draw in the punters for everyone enjoys my newsletter just wanted to give something back most of you know i like a pint of curry so what about you plus a guest come and join me my treat a nice evening of it you can ask questions ask me what you want we'll share some thoughts tap the link in my bio to join what an enticing prize that is pint in a curry with sean dosh just the one pint charlie just to be clear i'll cover the first one but not the rest i'm sure a lot of people would love that i would ask him not straight away i'd want to sort of butter him up a bit first butter chicken him up first but i would say like are you not are you slightly worried that you're sort of trashing your credibility a bit with all of this stuff when you were a Premier League manager very recently.

49:14Basically, what's the thinking here, Sean? How seriously do you want to be taken? I sort of think the fact that it's a newsletter, and I haven't read it yet, but it feels a bit classier than him just doing a podcast. Yeah, I'm all means of being... But when he went on the Keys and Gray podcast and was based on all of that stuff, and he's just presenting himself as this kind of dinosaur, and I think slightly underselling himself, I'd just be curious to know why he leans into that so much. But he's still got lots of jobs after that, so maybe it doesn't matter. Yeah, the way he's positioning it, though, is like, you can ask questions.

49:44Sort of, I can imagine, you know, are we going to have a conversation, Sean, or you just want me to sit there and ask you questions for two hours? Anyway, got any more questions? I might run out of questions.

49:54Charlie Eccleshare:There's an admin aspect to this, Dave. Any more anecdotes you want from me? Make sure you choose your winner wisely, Sean. Don't get someone who's too sheepish. He's just going to turn up, eat the curry, and then fuck off again. I'm too scared to ask Sean Dyson questions. yeah who knows how that'll turn out look forward to seeing who wins hope Nick Miller wins because then he can finally interview Sean Dice which is what he's been after for a few weeks there we go yeah that's the way in I'm cornered you now Sean anyway speaking of credibility trashing dinosaurs it's time for Keys and Grey Corner

50:38Ford Super Sunday.

50:43Charlie Eccleshare:God, it's the moment we've been waiting for all summer, Charlie, to the point where this could be a damp squib, I don't know. But let's set the tone for today's Keys and Grey corner with this. We've been waiting for this for a long time. This is Keys and Grey entering their production office with some absolutely cast-iron banter.

51:23Charlie Eccleshare:two aspects to this charlie first of all the fact that andy gray just just cannot abide the idea of kesey doing the joke alone so they have to co-pilot the joke oh it's so all that um like legends in the building stuff from whenever it was the b in studio around euro 2016 i think incredible and then the second aspect dave the waves of cackling oh that just sort of fade out towards the end it's astonishing it's it's like stepping back in time for me to 2011 and 2012 when I saw them do this relentlessly every single day that they worked at TalkSport. They would do the same gags, the same material and laugh like that.

52:07And it's all that sort of stuff. It's constantly, it's sort of, in their eyes at least, playfully trying to catch people out with their gags. That's their whole thing. And it never gets old for them.

52:20Charlie Eccleshare:God, you've been around some sorts, haven't you? Let's face it. So, yeah, the reviews are in. Charlie, for Keys and Grey Unleashed, episode one. Tom Gibbs in The Telegraph says, Keys and Grey Unleashed is the funniest 35 minutes you will watch this year. Michael Hicks in the eye. The new Richard Keys podcast is the worst thing I've ever heard. So polarising opinions. Yeah. Yeah. He's dominating the news agenda. Have you both watched it? I have. I have not watched it yet. Wow. Well, that's a shame, Charlie. If only there was some way that I could squeeze this 35-minute episode into your life, into your busy life, in a kind of bite-sized kind of way.

53:02Charlie Eccleshare:Oh, here it is. Here's the whole episode of Keys and Grey Unleashed, episode one, condensed into two minutes. Right, here we go. We're rolling. We're rolling? Yes. Oh, right. Before we go any further, I did want to thank our hosts, Le Pont de la Tour. All said. You go to so many fancy restaurants and they think they've got to produce fancy teapots. That's a proper cup. I can put a finger through there and lift that without the fear of... So anyway, and Reedy as well for getting involved and helping us make this happen. We're not going to get this chance anywhere else. I've only got about four group chats on my phone.

53:44And on the Sunday, Ramadan started. And you and I had no idea what was going on. No, that was a shock. If Donald Trump had perhaps spoken to either you or me,

53:53Charlie Eccleshare:I stepped out of a hotel. I'd had breakfast with Eamon Holmes. And I do wish him my name. Yeah, Keyes laughing at Holmes' injury. No, I was laughing at Eamon's joke. I've undergone that same transition that Reedy took. Harry tried to have us put in jail. Really? And he didn't give a toss. He's as selfish as his son Though I spent 18 months driving around the country Do you want an opinion of the World Cup? A brief one? Of course I want an opinion Well I'm just saying I don't want to use the word corrupt Because it might be a bit too strong Well I will use it I didn't want to besmirch the memory of what I'd seen in Qatar Oh yeah, flippin' heck Activists were arrested by the junta It was rotten I agree It was rotten He's toast And I've always said England will win nothing with that clowning goal Always back now Thank you very much I think Who knows what we're getting I think Arsenal piss it You think so?

54:46Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah I think Arsenal piss it It is a viper's nest That dressing room It's a viper's nest And then what is it called? The David Dickinson Stadium By the way Being respectful to the Dickinson group Won't be watching football on the weekends That's my time now But I will be watching football At mostly every other opportunity that there is So Cheers Cheers Cheers Well done And breathe. What do you think, Charles? Amazing. I mean, yeah, I don't know. Do I now need to watch the whole thing? It's like when you see a trailer and the best bits are in there. I wouldn't say so. If you do watch the whole thing, it won't be as entertaining as that two minutes.

55:29That was an amazing two minutes. I watched it all and obviously enjoyed it for obvious reasons. It was incredibly meandering. I think it's a good 15 minutes before they talk about anything approaching modern football, anything sort of topical relevance. This is what I was saying the other day, Dave. I think obviously you go and be like, this is going to be hilarious. And like Adam's done, there are two minutes of really funny stuff in it. A lot of it's going to be so boring. And I think what might surprise Keezy is that there'll be a real rush of interest for the first one. And then people are like, I'm not actually going to listen or watch this thing.

56:05I've got what I need out of it. I'm now sort of over it and I can move on.

56:10Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, you're right, Dave. It is a meandering experience. They need the football to start, really, despite the fact Key's claiming at the end he's not going to watch any of it at the weekends, which is quite the policy, isn't it? What are you going to be up to? It can't just be yoga, yoga, yoga, Saturday and Sunday, get it? Personal highlight. Well, a couple of personal highlights, Charlie. Doing the David Dickinson Stadium gag, but then expressing his respect for the Dickinson group. wait i'm not gonna sponsor your podcast kesey all right chill out mate that david dickinson joke as well i mean it's not even a joke but that's so related to those like you know walking into the office and saying things like that it's like what really is the joke here you've just sort of you're just saying it and this is someone's name um but you can imagine like obviously he finds that hilarious um there's another bit where sort of an offhand comment from from kesey dave that that Donald Trump should have sought out their advice about the Middle East before wading in.

57:04Charlie Eccleshare:And Andy Gray just nodded along and went, yeah. As if he actually agreed. Yep. Kesey also saying he didn't want to work on this Summer's World Cup because he didn't want to besmirch the memory of what he'd seen in Qatar 2022. Yeah, that was the reason, definitely. I'll step back. I don't want to ruin 2022. It is amazing. The whole thing is amazing. I mean, even down to the fact that they called it the Tower Bridge special. They're at a restaurant in the shadow of Tower Bridge. I mean, that's it. Pop de la Tour. They're not going up and looking at the, you know, they're not going on a tour of Tower Bridge and seeing how the bridge works.

57:41Fantastic. Tower, isn't it? I was chatting to Tom Gibbs about it yesterday, and in his interview with Keezy, he says that there are plans for live watch-alongs, Alan Mark Goldbridge. Yeah. I mean, can you imagine what that would look like and how many of those would be cliché listeners?

57:55Charlie Eccleshare:listeners yeah a lot of cliches listeners in the comments dave of which i'm not particularly proud i don't want this to be like the worcester cafe all over again let's let's keep it let's keep it legitimate but um yeah i i don't know how i how i feel we we talked about this other day i don't know how i feel about what this means for keys and gray corner going forward i mean we're being offered this stuff on a plate now we don't have to go and search for it i'm not i'm not using firing up the vpn for being anymore yeah i don't know yeah i was sort of i know what you mean i'm there was a part of me that was reassured though by it because i think they are you know key because key in his in his social output recently has been i think a bit more but he's come across quite well i think in some of his videos his social videos recently but this was him yes right back to what he knows yes they are very much back in their in their duo mode i agree so i think we're going to make a solemn promise to our listeners charlie i think keys and gray corner lives on but we're going to keep the bar high i'm not going to obsess about keys and gray in a new podcast i want pure gold and that's it i'm not gonna i'm not gonna stretch because everyone's it's there for everyone else to watch if you absolutely want it but we'll keep 100 bar absolutely high because and it needs to be because previously it was stolen moments and now it's as i say been offered to us on a golden platter yeah we'll work it out we'll find our feet with it absolutely right anyway thanks to you charlie eccleshare thank you thanks to you david walker thank you we'll see you on friday son and thanks everyone for listening.

59:20Charlie Eccleshare:We'll be back next week.

59:28Charlie Eccleshare:Have no fear. Chosen Foods is here to defend your favorite foods from the forces of seedy oils and sketchy ingredients. With cooking oils, salad dressings and mayo, all powered by the good fats from 100 % pure avocado oil and simple delicious ingredients. Chosen Foods. Sports Social Podcast Network, the biggest voices in sports. Let's take a look at some of the line-up. Last word on Spurs. This rebuild is how you go to top, top team. Tennis unfiltered. We've got to stop this fixation with we need Sinner and Alperaz for everything. The Blue Room. I can't speak highly enough of Hayden Acne. I think several Premier League clubs will be left looking back and thinking they should have been the club to sign him.

1:00:08All on Europe's biggest sport podcast network. Find your next favourite sport podcast. Search Sport Social Podcast Network and listen wherever you get your podcasts. Sports Social Podcast Network. Verified comparison at content.sport-social.co.uk forward slash comparison. Find the biggest voices in sports on the Sports Social Podcast Network. Like me, Andy, from Let's Talk FPL,

1:00:32Charlie Eccleshare:you're home for everything Fantasy Premier League. Whether you're playing for the first time this season or you've spent years picking the wrong captain, I've got you covered with transfers, captaincy, chip strategy and everything you need to stay ahead of your mini-league rivals. With new episodes throughout the week, all season long, search for Let's Talk FPL wherever you get your podcasts and let's get you that mini league win

From the publisher

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: how referee match audio will pump up the football news machine in 2026/27, Chelsea's youth teams being renamed in an ominously "game's gone" fashion, Gary Weaver settles into the new Championship season, three incredible utterings of John Stones’ name, Eddie Marsan as Harry Redknapp and the meaning of being "Premier League-proven".

Meanwhile, the panel enjoy episode 1 of Keys & Gray: Unleashed, condensed into just two minutes of gold.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

More from Football Cliches

All 134 episodes
Counter-attack calculations, club nickname knowledge and Keys & Gray in 120 secondsFootball Cliches · 59 min
Listen in VO