FA Cup lustre status, Ally McCoist's cliche mashup... and every Premier League game ever

19:50Charlie Eccleshare:But that's been consigned to history now, Dave, because Winnie Esther stormed himself to the top of the leaderboard with 72 points in 60 seconds. He set levels three to seven, which I thought was interesting. Maybe that is the sweet spot for this sort of thing. So I'm obsessed with the turbo mode. I've been on it loads. I'm currently sitting sixth with 57 points. And I went levels three to six. Because I think if you get those middle ones, because you don't want to waste time with too many level ones. Because, you know, you're going to rack up too many, but not get enough points for them. You also don't want to get stuck on a level 9 or a 10.

20:30Charlie Eccleshare:Oh, when you get stuck, it's like a pit stop in Formula 1 that's taking too long. Yeah, exactly. So you just want to get that middle band and just get some gettable sevens to just rack up the scores. Love hearing people talk strategy. But anyway, just as the Artemis 2 astronauts prepared to go dark on the far side of the moon late on Monday night, Sam Huxley got in touch and he got 75 points on turbo mode. Extraordinary. And he's gone levels three to eight. Really? So a couple of eights in there. Maybe that's what... So what, 75 divided by 12 is what? 75 divided by 12. That's 6.25, a level six and a quarter per answer.

21:09Charlie Eccleshare:That's elite. That is elite. Fair play. Yeah, that is a man who's watched a lot of football. On the Artemis 2 note, if we could take a sincere moment to acknowledge the extraordinary feat of human and technological endeavour that's taken place over the last few days, a set of remarkable individuals voyaging in honour of those who took those first steps for mankind all those decades ago. I am talking about the launch of the Premier League Archive, which allows everyone to watch highlights for free of every single Premier League game since 1992. Charlie, this is extraordinary. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to properly getting stuck into this.

21:43But then I don't really know where I'd start. Yes, exactly. How good is the sort of like, well, you know like on YouTube, you know you watch something and then they've got lots of things on the side. They'd be like, oh, you're like this, you're like this. Do they kind of steer you or is it just free choice?

21:56Charlie Eccleshare:No, I don't think they've invested in a recommendations platform for it. That's going to be interesting. Oh, you're watching Spurs against Bradford from 1999-2000. You like fast goals, do you, early on? May I recommend you Watford against Southampton from 18-19? That was, of course, 2001, that fast one. Yeah, brilliant. Superb work. We didn't even set that up, listeners. But this is the crucial point to the whole thing, Dave. given that there is no steering really done on the Premier League archive. It basically just says, here are all the games, choose whatever you want. Where do you start? I mean, obviously you'd probably choose your own team, maybe, like a classic game that you remember.

22:30Charlie Eccleshare:But in a broader sense, where are you going? I felt obliged to watch Liverpool 4, Newcastle 3, the first one. And I thought, I've seen this so many times, why am I bothering? It's like watching a film for the 18th time, but just because it's on ITV, it's on Terrestrial. Come from watching, I suppose. But I, yeah, so there were two routes that I took. Obviously went to Watford. I mean, supporting a club that, you know, had one season in 99-2000 and one in 06-07, like before the highlights and everything that we get now. So I'm not interested in really going back to the modern stuff. But I went back to 99-2000 and was just watching random games just to see how shit we were on a consistent basis.

23:10but i also was trying to confirming half sort of memories that i had so i went back to a game between um west ham and tottenham from from february 1997 and this is a game that i remember watching i think we had like some for a few months we got sky we never had sky but then i don't know why we had it but for a few months we had sky sports maybe i think my dad must have done some sort of deal or something we had it and it was gone this game was on during that period and I remember being really ill watching it and it was like a really blustery, windswept night. It was 4-3, I think. I remember the game.

23:47It was amazing. I remember watching it as well. And it was just as good as I remembered. But it's a weird thing because there is so much to choose from and it is a bit clunky. And some games have 20-minute highlights. Some games have 8-minute highlights. It's a huge decision to decide

24:02Charlie Eccleshare:whether you want to watch the 20, the 8 or the 3. I'm an instant gratification man, Charlie, so I'm probably going to go for the three most of the time. But sometimes I feel like I'm cheating myself and should go for the eight. I'm never going 20 unless it's a game I really need to relive. But I'm fascinated by you being at the start of your journey here. It is quite a clunky thing to use. It can pick you off. You watch a game, then you've got to go back a couple of pages to re-choose your season, and it all resets. It does need some work, but stick with it because I think it's heaven for you personally.

24:29Yeah, I mean, it does sound... I'm just looking forward to wallowing in it. What's the commentary situation?

24:34Charlie Eccleshare:An insane amount of Alan Parry, I can tell you. I don't know if they got him through. He definitely doesn't redo it. This is all original commentary. I'm right, Dave. This just hasn't been re-recorded. But what's Liverpool-Newcastle, for instance? Are you getting Tyler and Grey? So yeah, there's a bit of Tyler. I don't know what the editorial decision is there at all. Because presumably they don't have the rights to have the original Sky commentaries? Is it all sort of in-house-y stuff? In the 1990-2000 season, some of it is Premier League commentators, like Alan Parry and noted commentators. but then there's the odd game where it's like the in-house guy from Watford, who I recognise from the VHS.

25:10So I think it's a bit cobbled together. And like that West Ham game I mentioned, it's got the Sky Monday Night Football replays. Yeah, exactly.

25:18Charlie Eccleshare:You could spot it. Yeah, it's so good. You should have pictures courtesy of at the bottom, shouldn't it? That element of it I'm almost most looking forward to, just kind of piecing all of that stuff together. There are some occasional editing quirks, like a subliminal early 2000s Aston Villa home game just popped up at one point in the midst of a video for about three seconds. I was like, whoa, do I need to report this? I'm doing some of the service here, surely. But I'm so glad they made it free. Like, fair play. And they get so much stick, don't they, the Premier League, Charlie, but they've paid us back here.

25:52Well, it's useful as well for research and referencing purposes. Because I saw something on Twitter the other day, just a random sort of retro football account posted a picture of West Ham goalkeeper Les Seeley playing in an outfield shirt in a game against Arsenal at Highbury because they didn't have any subs left or whatever. They had an injury crisis and he came on. He was wearing someone else's number and someone else's name, but he played like 10 minutes at the end. And I just went and found it in the highlights. And there he was coming off the bench and sort of running around. And you don't have to sort of go searching through YouTube or Dailymotion anymore, do you?

26:27Yeah, that is true. remember that with interviews you'd be fact checking stuff and it often was pretty hard to find out stuff like that definitively.

26:34Charlie Eccleshare:I did find myself for half an afternoon at least, Charlie going back and trying to find iconic moments in about as HD quality as you could get without having to resort to daily motion. Take for example Sulkampel's elbow on Solskjaer at Highbury and then the ensuing debate between linesman and referee with Thierry Henry perfectly framed between them. I thought that's it, I can snapshot this and I'll have the best version of it I'll ever have. So, great for stuff like that but I don't know where I'm going to go next with it. I've hit a wall with where I want to. I mean, even just the list of seasons, Dave, I'm like, what season do I want to watch?

27:07Charlie Eccleshare:I don't want to go too recent because that's pointless. Too far back, you go back to 92, 93, any of these tin pots, everything is shit. Like, the stadiums are shit, the players are shit, the kits are shit, the refs are shit, the pitches are shit, Alive and kicking.

27:24Charlie Eccleshare:A whole new ball game. I was doing like the Sean Bean advert there, wasn't I? It's like a shit religion. Not even one of the good ones. Right, anyway, yes, I'm going to continue to enjoy the Premier League archive. Next up, I've got an anonymous tip, Charlie, from a listener who works in television. You sent me a link to one of those sites where you can book tickets to be in the audience for game shows or celebrity panel shows and things like that. And it is a show, provisionally, hopefully, called Sing When You're Winning, Football's Biggest Chant Off. Oh, wow. Do you love to sing or even just shout as parts of a much bigger crowd?

27:58Charlie Eccleshare:Can you chant on the terraces with the best of them? Open to everyone. All that's required is the ability and enthusiasm to learn a few words and sing or chant loud and proud with passion. Part of our audience of singing supporters. What is this TV show? What is it? Wow. Wow. And that's the whole show. We are looking for football fans and singing enthusiasts to come along and be part of our interactive and immersive audience for the recording of a brand pilot television show. no experience or talent necessary what are they going to have to do? we're making a pilot for a Saturday night live talent show looking for the best voices in football and we need you to be the part of our audience to help along the way what is it?

28:34Charlie Eccleshare:but what will they then do with that? is the idea that the best will sort of try and do a kind of North London forever or something? is it not strictly come dancing but for football chants? are they going to get marked? is it going to be like X Factor with a panel of judges? but who's going to be the panel of judges? that bloke from Portsmouth? The frizzy-haired arse still found from 97.8

28:59Charlie Eccleshare:Oh God, this reminds me Early 2000s The Premier League basically appointed a chant laureate To create new football charts And he lasted about three seasons He got like 10 grand New York Times had a massive profile on him and everything But I literally can't remember his name But yeah, maybe he'll be on it The Highbury Screamer It doesn't seem like it's got legs, this one. Beyond the pilot. Yeah, I don't think they've thought through where it ends, what the rewards are. Who's hosting this? Who is presenting it? Is it Paddy McGuinness? Because it's got him oozing Paddy McGuinness. Jason Manford is someone.

29:37It's definitely a football-loving comedian. Or maybe Jermaine Genis, out from the wilderness. Bradley Walsh is too busy, too much on. Maybe his son. Maybe it's a vehicle for his son to step out of his dad's shadow on gladiators. Looking forward to getting stuck into it. Could be Roman Kemp, actually. Very Roman Kemp. Yeah. A Saturday night return for Michael Barrymore. Well, quarter of a century on. Big on TikTok.

30:04Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah. We will wait with bated breath to find out what this is all about. Next up, In or and Around, writes in Dave, says, could this be the ultimate be careful what you wish for? It's about Diego Simeone being under pressure after 14 years in the hot seat at Atletico Madrid. The 55-year-old, the BBC says, remains under contract until June 2027. Uncertainty surrounds what comes next. Against that backdrop, opinion among supporters is divided over whether the club's future should be still built around El Cholo. This could be a huge be-careful-what-you-wish-for. I feel like Keezy needs to get involved in and decide.

30:39Charlie Eccleshare:Tell the Atletico fans. Yeah, I mean, it is. I was actually looking at this recently for something. Apart from there's a guy in Germany, Roger Schmidt, who's been in charge of one of the clubs out there for 20 years or something. Apart from him, who feels like an outlier, apart from him, Simeone is the longest spell in charge of a club. I refuse to even imagine Atletico without Diego Simeone at the helm, Charlie. It would be very weird. Yeah, I don't know. I mean I have no sense of where their fan base are but presumably there is there are those who are like oh we do need to we need to move on from this I think they've had a bit of an up and down season this year but it's a seesaw of a season it's like the totally European pod this is it's great more to the point though you can't really imagine him managing anyone else can you no can't quite picture him in the Premier League at all it's been mooted here and there there's been the odd report that he's been taking English lessons or been spotted in Knightsbridge Well, this is specifically it.

31:37Charlie Eccleshare:I mean, Charlie, I think I can imagine him in the Premier League because he's a bit of a Conte style figure. And until Conte came to the Premier League, I couldn't really imagine him in here either. But it isn't really that. It's not a stylistic thing. It's just, I can't imagine him speaking English. I literally cannot imagine him doing an interview on Sky Sports Live with Patrick Davison at all. Diego Simeone should not exist in the English language. He should be kept distant, sort of exotic. that yeah that's really true that is really a really hard thing to picture i mean there was um there were links and i would have been fascinated when arsenal got rid of wenger there were suggestions of like we'll get in the absolute like anti-wenger you know like get the most streetwise guy there is and you know dish out you know stop bullying teams like you're getting bullied but i imagine it was a non-starter i think it would only be chelsea it's chelsea isn't it Yeah, it has to be.

32:26Charlie Eccleshare:Bit of Spurs about him, actually? Touch of Spurs? I think a little bit from now, maybe. Yeah. You could have Deserby then Simeone, because that's not too much. It's not enough of a difference temperament-wise, is it? Yeah, he might do another job after Atletico and then Spurs. Fascinated by this thread on our Reddit by Titi Kamara Says Hello. And the question simply was, Charlie, what one very specific elite level skill do you wish you had in a football sense he says I'm watching the England game and as is often the case when I watch England my mind has started to drift through boredom in my mind tonight is wondering what elite level skill I wish I had one very specific thing that I'm really good at and could wow the lads with at Thursday night 7 aside I've decided largely from seeing Adam Warton on my screen that it's being able to receive the ball under pressure in the centre of the pitch and on the half turn play a perfectly weighted first time pass to a teammate through the lines quite a subtle thing to go for first if you had the full array of skills to pick from.

33:22If I'm thinking about, this is really boring, but if I'm thinking about what would make me happiest, I think the ability to sort of finish unerringly because scoring goals is just the thing that gives you the most joy.

33:34Charlie Eccleshare:What specific scenario have you got in your head for an unerring finish? What would make you most happy? I think I'm just imagining the ball coming across me and I'm just burying it in the far corner, like sort of in off the post. Just, you know, the finish of an absolutely clinical marksman. you can do that like a harry kane style exactly like and you're just like you know that you're going to do that every time you know you're going to score that goal so you're sending it back where it came from yeah so i think i think for the amateur that's that's the easier technique is for me i'm always more comfortable sending it back in that direction i i would prefer to have the ability and i've played with like a few semi-pros and guys that were on the books of clubs and they've still got that ability they can just find the bottom corner in the other side they just wrap their foot around it and get it right in the side netting so the keeper can't get it.

34:23Or imagine actually imagine if you just had the ability to you had your normal game but you had like Beckham style free kicks. You could just, if a free kick was in that sort of spot, you know you're putting it in top bins but you can't do anything else. Freaking does feel like the right answer. But like imagine having that in your locker and you're just you're the free kick guy. I mean that would be pretty cool.

34:46Charlie Eccleshare:RyanTheWhite12 says I'd love to be able to roll the ball forward with spins but it lands perfectly on the six-yard box line for a goal kick. Yes, this is the sort of thing this thread was asking for. I think that is within your grasp if you just practice a bit. Yeah. It's attainable. Yeah, definitely. Dazzling Hearing 1743 says Hockelsnot one out of one nostril. That is elite level, definitely. Travellers, other people have asked. I want to be able to dribble like 2003 Ronaldo. Not really fussed about being a big dribler. If a genie asked me to imbue myself with one footballing skill, I don't think dribbling would be up there.

35:17Charlie Eccleshare:What would you go with? I don't know. I want something more Roy of the Rovers, I guess. I want to be able to just hammer one in from 25 yards on demand. Imagine being able to head the ball like those strikers or attackers or whoever who are properly good at just nailing headers. I imagine that must feel incredible. Actually, this popped into my head a minute ago for a funny answer, Dave, but actually now I've read it from EfficientView7145, it is the answer. It has to be having a throw in lobbed at you and you definitely rolling it back to the thrower with your first touch. I mean, every time I watch Premier League football and I see a fullback or someone have the ball thrown back to them in a horrible situation in their own final third, I just think this looks shit and having to deal with it.

36:00Charlie Eccleshare:And when they do somehow crisply deal with it, I just think, thank God. So that is, that's the answer. Not just volleying it straight out for an opposition throw, which you know is going to happen. And then your hand goes up. Sorry, boys. Sorry, boys. Yeah, that's fine. When someone sends a short throw to you, yeah, I hate it. I hate that moment. But did you, you might not have seen this. I was watching Coventry against Hull on Monday night. And Hull did a thing where they took a short throw. One of their players stood with their back to the thrower. And they deliberately threw it off the player's back.

36:30Charlie Eccleshare:That's really good. That's a really good idea. But the only thing that makes, that's clever. Like it's almost like hacking football to a certain extent. The only thing is, what part of the back are they aiming for? There's a fleshier part. maybe between the shoulder blades, but then you've got to make sure the back's angled so that you get the ball back to you. Where did they go for? I think it was just sort of dead centre and it just dropped, just dropped straight down. And then they just were able to get the ball. They just killed it dead and then they ran onto it. That's a great idea. So the reverse of the Dean Saunders goal.

37:00Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Yeah, wow. I guess we might see it in the Premier League soon. Charlie, this does feel slightly close though to unsporting conduct, like sort of engineering football to your own ends. there's a very classic you are the ref situation where it says at a set piece, if a teammate tries to lift their teammate up like rugby line-out style to win a header, that would be an indirect free kick and a booking for unsporting conduct. You're not really allowed to engineer that. Would this be so close to that? I feel like it is still allowed. Yeah, I imagine they might close this loophole.

37:32So there's not like a minimum distance you have to throw the ball?

37:36Charlie Eccleshare:No, but it feels like there should be because if you did throw it really short, everyone's going to go foul throw even if it isn't. Well, that's the thing. I imagine at amateur level anyway, this would just be outlawed because it would just be, well, I'm just going to give a foul throw because it looks too weird. Yeah, but I don't know how IFAB could legislate for this, Dave, so I think you're just going to have to let it go. But this could revolutionise defensive third throw-ins. Everybody wants the game to move on. Even the opposition fans are like, all right, you're allowed, just crack on. Yeah, it does feel, it sort of feels foolproof.

38:03But then, like you say, there might be, what if you accidentally overshoot it and you throw it over their head and they're not watching? it is fraught with potential difficulties but just on this on this thread like i'm i'm sort of heartened by how mundane relatively mundane some of the desired qualities are you know which is which is quite nice um it's just like having a good first touch yeah great would be nice wouldn't

38:26Charlie Eccleshare:it from amq 55 it's a one size fits all kind of request isn't it to turn up to five side with a great first touch that's gonna yeah that's gonna serve you well i mean that's a smart answer isn't I feel like ex-pros will often say that's the thing that separates from each level is the first touch. Being able to use your body. Too Skint to go to Cuba says, I'd love to be able to find those little pockets of space. Wouldn't we all? Ask the Artemis 2 lads about that. Absolute acres, oceans. Finally, this came from G. Amwell Jones. The concept of the phrase lost a yard being used outside of football.

39:02Charlie Eccleshare:He says, I was discussing a comedian with a friend and he expressed his opinion that they were less funny since they had got sober. In doing so, he described them as having lost a yard. Has anyone else heard this expression outside of football? I don't think I have, Dave, but I do like the idea. I think it's a really effective way of describing a quite subtle sort of diminishing in someone's sort of abilities. Losing a yard is so good. And I feel like even if you said it to someone who wasn't football literate, it would still work. I don't know. I feel like he's just lost a yard at work a bit.

39:32Charlie Eccleshare:It's great because it's not that precise, but it is at the same time. It's sort of universal. You could also work with, you know, like when people say, oh, well, look, he never had pace to begin with. So those sort of late developers who've just been biding their time while everyone else is falling by the wayside. Yeah, that would really take it on a level, the Sheringham effect. I quite like that. Yeah, and like, I think it's a spot on. Left-hand drive, BOC says on the Reddit, I mean, he says not so much Lost Yard, but I feel like Ricky Gervais needs Stephen Merchant similar to how Clough needed Peter Taylor.

40:03That's so good. I think that's really good, but I think Ricky Gervais, you could say, has lost a yard. I think you can use it about people like that. I think that's a really good way of framing it. I really want to address this point, Dave.

40:14Charlie Eccleshare:If Ricky Gervais' career was Brian Clough's, is The Office, what, the 1980 European Cup final? Is it not winning the league with Derby? Or can you break it down into series? Because series one's sort of the breakthrough, then series two's the consolidation. The Christmas special was the 1980. Yeah. But then, so, where is he now? Is he in a kind of rutted-faced green sweatshirt punching a fan moment? I think he might have gone beyond that. I think he might be sort of late Clough, where Clough is kind of doing interviews from his living room. He's kind of a bit of a parody of himself, saying the old catchphrases.

40:50Yeah, not really in the game, but also still very much a thing. But yeah. I'm really glad that this has been suggested, actually, because it is genuinely something I've been thinking about lately. So, you know, I'm a big walker. Literally. Yeah. And lately I've been on the football pitch. I'm not worried about losing a yard because I'm 40. I've never been quick. You sort of expect it. Yeah, I'm slower. Right. You know, that's what happens. But lately I've been walking and I'm noticing people overtaking me on the pavement. And I'm thinking, I've lost. My legs have gone. I've lost the yard here.

41:25I'm being outflanked left, right and centre just walking down the road.

41:28Charlie Eccleshare:It's definitely a thing. When we're out walking live, we're walking somewhere to a restaurant or something, Charlie. Loose walk outpaced me. And I was like, how? And I'm actively trying to increase my stride. We're talking about, she's five foot six. I've got the pace. How do some people walk quicker without even trying? I don't know, is it a frequency of stride? We need another expert to get in touch. But I'm not going to say it annoys me, but it does bemuse me. Well, some people are slow walkers that I find really baffling. They're sort of adoredlers. But yeah, like Dave, I've always prided myself on being a quick walker.

42:05I'd be really rattled if I'd lost that yard.

42:09Charlie Eccleshare:I do realise I'm now trailing behind every time we walk to a venue on the live tours. Dave is a strider. When he gets to 2am, he's in the absolute peloton. You notice at airports, if the travelator's down and you have to walk down the big middle bit. but airports there's also the slight edginess that people have that's a factor as well you can tell you can see people quickening their stride even though you know it's like even though it's only go to gate they're still a little bit panicked and they're like but what if it turns out it's quite it's actually quite a long sort of walk to this guy charlie absolutely gunning for it i can totally picture it actually now tremendous stuff a very midweek vibe to our tuesday adjudication panel.

42:48Charlie Eccleshare:Thanks to you, Charlie Eccleshire. Thank you. Thanks to you, David Walker. Thank you. Thanks to everyone for listening. We'll be back later this week with the Football Clichés Quiz 23. See you then.

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