Generic Spurs punditry, regurgitating possession & ding-dong stalemates: The 500th episode

7:51David Walker:Yeah, I think exactly. It's a bit too high profile. Sleepwalking is more when you suddenly become aware with like a month or two left, like, shit, they're actually only a couple of points ahead. How did that happen? Whereas Spurs, it's been quite heavily trailed, I feel like. I mean, I guess you could argue that over a long period, you know, this is years of mismanagement. And in that sense, they've kind of done that. But yeah, I don't feel like this season, it's suddenly, they've suddenly stumbled across it.

8:17Adam Hurrey:Sleepwalking clubs tend to be the ones that there's an element of expectation of them being around there. So they perhaps they don't quite wake up to the reality, whereas Spurs being even this close, it's so alarming. And so, you know, that they can't sleepwalk.

8:32Charlie Eccleshare:They're getting sucked in, though.

8:33Adam Hurrey:They're getting sucked into a radiation battle. Or sleepwalking.

8:36David Walker:Yeah, I think it's more that they have been, but then they become comfortable mid-table. So they're sort of like, nah, we're no longer a sort of relegation fighting team. We're fine. And then it's like, oh, actually, wait, we're suddenly really in this.

8:47Charlie Eccleshare:But Charlie, for the definitive take on this, as we skirt around the punditry lexicon for Spurs' current plight, could you give us the generic pundit on Spurs and their plight as we sit here today?

9:01David Walker:Well, look, he had to go, ultimately. It's a results business and the results weren't good enough. I would say, though, the problems at that club run far deeper than just one man. This is not about Thomas Frank. This is about years of mismanagement. This is about a club who has lost its identity, its way of playing. And I think they'll change the manager. Of course they will. They have to. But it's not going to fix all of those issues. And they really need to get that identity back. or I think this is going to become an issue year after year.

9:31Charlie Eccleshare:Dave, where will the generic pundit be without, of course they will. But is this the purest of issues run far deeper for you, Dave?

9:40Adam Hurrey:Yeah. I mean, Spurs have always, they're just always a bit like that, aren't they? But I mean, it is mad to think that I was looking, actually last night, I was looking at the Premier League table from 10 years ago. I was talking to someone about Leicester throwing away a 3-0 lead, Southampton losing 4-3. and they were top of the league 10 years ago. Spurs were second with a legitimate chance of winning the league 10 years ago. Watford were in 10th, if you can believe it, in the Premier League 10 years ago. Extraordinary. And they really have, it really has not kicked on.

10:10Charlie Eccleshare:One of the gauges for Tottenham's sort of, you know, state is how vociferous the fans get at certain points of the game, Charlie. On the Sky Sports Live blog of the defeat to Newcastle, Barry Novibes sent me this passage. The Sky Sports reporter says a fan shouted into their press box during half-time asking how many synonyms there are for the word passive. A rarely high-brow thing for a fan to shout into the press box. Normally it's like conspiracy shit, isn't it? God, yeah. How so gentrified has football become? Did they think you were there or something?

10:45David Walker:How many fucking synonyms for passive have you got?

10:48Charlie Eccleshare:Well, there's lethargic, there's laxadaisical, which with the added S for football. What an absurd thing.

10:57David Walker:to supposedly have said.

10:59Charlie Eccleshare:Turgid, sluggish.

11:00David Walker:Just on that though before, like I do think, I've said this to you guys before, but I think the manager's been sacked, but problems at Club X run deeper is the most percentage take. Like if I was advising someone on kind of football small talk and they don't know what they're talking about, just say that. Like it's so rarely wrong. Like, you know, how often is it just, no, I think the manager is basically the only problem. Once they get rid of him, they'll be fine. I think you could say about any club in the Premier League, whether they're winning or not. I feel like everybody has issues

11:25Charlie Eccleshare:that run deeper. Yeah, it's just like,

11:27David Walker:it's just so rarely is that going to be wrong or add much.

11:31Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, I might start using it in just wider life. Yeah, tell it to my personal trainer. I think the issues run far deeper, to be honest with this, in my terrible pull-ups. This isn't just me being out of shape. On a lighter note, at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, celebrity chefs' names in Premier League goals. Gordon.

11:54Adam Hurrey:and at Ramsey so close to being perfect if he'd just gone straight from Gordon Ramsey

12:02Charlie Eccleshare:annoyingly I looked up every single possible highlights video of Tottenham versus Newcastle including some foreign ones and I couldn't find anybody who said their names in quick succession very annoyed then I consulted a list of celebrity chef names Charlie to see if anybody had ever combined for an assistant goal in Premier League history that formed a celebrity chef's name and the answer is no. Really annoying. Michel Roux would have been good. I feel like that's possible in football history. But there you go. Marco. Pierre. White. White. Flowing move. You know, if the worst does happen, Dave, what an insane day for online content this would be.

12:42Charlie Eccleshare:The iPapers' Kat Luca says, given the fixtures and respective points gaps, it is conceivable at the moment that Tottenham could go down and Arsenal be crowned champions on the same day.

12:51Adam Hurrey:wow who's going to be sent where to do what i mean that i mean that yeah that would just be too much for arsenal fans i mean on both sides like it'd be too much for the spurs fans and too

13:04Charlie Eccleshare:much for arsenal fans the process completely agree that people would short circuit like there's just

13:08David Walker:too much would be going on well it would be like that that oft answered question of sort of would you rather spurs fans have said you know i'd rather us go down uh if you know than have arsenal with the league sort of thing so it's sort of like a bastardization of that it's like well sorry you're

13:25Adam Hurrey:not getting the choice this time both are happening it would be interesting to see the precise moments if in that scenario if both games were going down to the final whistle and which emotions were dominant and which like which moment came first because if arsenal are hanging on and they know if they win they win the premier league and the result stays as it is they win the premier League, which is obviously all they care about. But in that period, the final whistle goes at where the Spurs is playing and they get relegated. That would somewhat undermine the tension, wouldn't it? Do you think they'd still cheer?

14:00Adam Hurrey:Like if it went round the ground, like Spurs are down, but we're in stoppage time and we're about to win the league.

14:06Charlie Eccleshare:I don't know. I can't even imagine what the ripple of noise would be in that situation where you've got a tense moment, but you're getting sort of adjacent good news from elsewhere. I don't know. I don't know what it would sound like, to be honest. We might find out. We might find out. Let's move on. Have you ever wondered if Jason McAteer's iconic why will ever have a natural successor? This is from Chelsea vs Leeds on TNT. Here's Steve McManaman on Yaka Biel pushing over Jao Pedro in the box. Argue with the referee about was it a penalty or not? What is he doing? What is he doing? Love it.

14:44Adam Hurrey:At some point in the year 2027, we're going to be backstage at a small theatre somewhere in the UK and Charlie's going to be pacing around going, what is he doing?

14:54David Walker:There was an Andy Gray one like that years ago as well. Just saying, he's like, what's he doing? What's he just saying over and over again about some dreadful defending?

15:03Charlie Eccleshare:It was a classic, what is he doing, Charlie? Like when you, I mean, Jean-Pedro has been fouled in exactly the same way to consecutive Chelsea. Why do people keep doing this to Jean-Pedro?

15:11David Walker:What is it? Is his kind of physiology, does it lend itself? Does he get down really low to the ball or something that sort of tempts defenders in.

15:19Charlie Eccleshare:Do it with one hand. You might get away with it because you often do get away with one-handed pushes for some reason in the penalty area, but you do it with two hands. It's a shove. That's the threshold. One hand push, two hand shove. Referee's just like, you've given me no choice. It's amazing. Footballers are really stupid, Dave, sometimes. Like, it's amazing the decisions they make. Yeah, it's basics, right? You just know not to do that. Spot on. Lovely stuff. Some lovely nuggets of Pep Guardiola this week. ahead of the Liverpool game on Sunday, Charlie, and following what I think he said was Nico Gonzalez's incredible knock that he'd picked up in a previous game.

15:55Charlie Eccleshare:He said that Bernardo Silva was an incredible doubt.

15:57David Walker:Yeah, incredible doubt. But yeah, but then he then played, didn't he? And scored, so... Yeah, mind games. Now that takes on a whole different meaning as to what exactly he meant by that.

16:07Charlie Eccleshare:That was trumped, however, Dave, by Guardiola responding to a question about Abdukadir Kusanov's level of English. And he says, I admit that he doesn't speak like William Shakespeare, but he is getting better and better. Imagine if he did. What a person to pick. All this made me think of, Dave, was like one of those exchanges says, well, your English isn't great. Oh, what, and you're William Shakespeare, are you? That could be the go-to.

16:30Adam Hurrey:Well, yeah. I saw people saying this in the comments and the replies to this. Obviously, we know the point that he's making but if Kusinov did actually speak like William Shakespeare, doth this and doth that.

16:43David Walker:what's interesting as well is apparently in that in shakespearean times people sounded a bit like how americans sound now right they sound closer to americans than they do sort of current english so it's maybe it's a very sort of obscure nod to that chusen of having a slight american twang

17:01Charlie Eccleshare:writing his s's as f's for no reason whatsoever nobody knows why absolute madness the 17th century Right, two lovely elements of absoluting for you next. First up, Aaron Paul for Five Live at the London Stadium on Tuesday night. We've just seen Karen Wilson come on for West Ham United for Tati Castellanos, who's put in an absolute shift. That's what you want from your foreign striker signing, Dave, is an absolute shift. That's really going to endear him to West Ham fans.

17:27Adam Hurrey:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that works perfectly. I can imagine saying that. He's put in an absolute shift tonight.

17:32Charlie Eccleshare:Fair play. Yeah, yeah. Something that really separates a shift from an absolute shift, isn't there, Charlie? What is a shift for a striker, specifically for a striker?

17:40David Walker:Well, shift is doing the sort of donkey work. Running the channels? Working your arse off. Yeah, doing all the sort of non-fun stuff.

17:48Charlie Eccleshare:Interesting, Dave. Do you think putting in a shift is a primarily defensive thing? Or are you making runs for your teammates? Bit of both.

17:57Adam Hurrey:Yeah, tremendous.

17:58Charlie Eccleshare:Wasn't even fishing for it. I genuinely wanted to know. I think it is. Be more decisive.

18:02Adam Hurrey:I think it is both because it's running. And whether the running is in defensive or in an attacking sense, it's running around the lot and making yourself busy.

18:11David Walker:I do think it is more of an attacking thing, though, because there's an expectation for defensive... Like, you're a defender. Your job is to do shit work, basically. Whereas, like, as an attacker, if you're doing all that crap, then it's, like, it's more noticeable. And especially if it's someone who, you know, you might think of as being more of a goal scorer or doing the fun stuff. But today, actually, he's just put in an absolute shift.

18:31Charlie Eccleshare:And who's back there but Tati Castellanos again for West Ham. Could a centre-back put in a shift, Charlie?

18:38David Walker:I think that's your job. Exactly. If you're heading everything away, which is not much fun, that's not a shift. That's just defending well and doing your job.

18:50Adam Hurrey:You could say it about a makeshift centre-back. Really? I think, yeah. I think if someone like a full-back has to play centre-back or a midfielder in extremis, He's gone in there and he's put in a shift there today.

19:02David Walker:But I think it's more than a shift if you've done that. That's like borderline heroic if you've gone in and done that kind of thing.

19:12Charlie Eccleshare:Funny that doing a job for you and putting in an absolute shift are two completely different concepts actually. One wildly more impressive than the other. Anyway, down in the champo, Don Goodman at Bramall Lane for Sheffield United versus Middlesbrough as the tackles fly in. He's managed to guide it to Brown. Oh, that wasn't. Rockwell late. Oh, that's not a good challenge. It's an orange. That is absolute orange.

19:41Charlie Eccleshare:Straight orange. It works, Dave, because all the chat about orange cards as a kind of concept is always defined by how you precisely define what constitutes an orange card. So the use of absolute there means, yeah, that is the absolute right in the sweet spot of what we want an orange card to be if they were ever brought in. So it's quite a good usage.

20:00Adam Hurrey:Can you just remind me, because when I watched this clip the other night, initially I was, and I still don't think I really know exactly what he means by orange card. It's in between a yellow and a red. Right, exactly. So when I saw it, the challenge was so bad that I was confused by him saying it was an orange card. Because I, for a second, thought, does he mean it's like a red and a half? It's like red plus a yellow. Deep red. Burgundy.

20:26Charlie Eccleshare:Because that's an awful challenge. Yeah, he cleans him out, but I guess there's not enough studs to make it a red. I guess that must be part of his logic. Yeah, he scythed him. He's more than a scythe, really, Charlie, because he comes in very powerfully from the side. Doesn't really wrap his legs around. He just completely cleans him out. I know what Dave means. I wouldn't say that's an absolute orange.

20:43David Walker:I think that's closer to being a red. Maybe it's different in the Ciampo.

20:47Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, maybe. Well, it's tricky down there. More physical, isn't it? Spurs will find out. Right. For my sins corner, a rare double for my sins for you this time. I'm going to play you a clip from popular culture and you're going to go head to head to pinpoint the moment that the immortal footballing words for my sins are going to be uttered. It came from David Mack. It's from ITV's The Chase. And there's two of them. First up, it's Gordon.

21:13David Walker:Welcome to the show, Gordon, from East Lothian. Yes. And you're a GP.

21:18Adam Hurrey:I am for my sins. Yeah, yeah.

21:19David Walker:It's a very well-respected job, so much so that you'll see people in the street you know you, or in the supermarket, or in a club, or in a bar, and they'll say, oh, Gordon, listen, do us a favour, I've got this back pain, would you, Mike?

21:32Adam Hurrey:Yeah, you just get used to it. Do you? I quite enjoy it, really. Do you? A lot of my job in the past has been sports medicine. I was a doctor for a couple of Scottish football teams. For my sins? You were. I was, for my sins. Which one?

21:44Charlie Eccleshare:For my sins, for hips in Edinburgh. Very good. And then for my hometown team. Talking about the same. Charlie I'll let you have it I'll let you have that one yeah no problem surprised you didn't get the first one but I mean I mean the lesson there Dave who should be you shouldn't be saying for my sins twice in your quiz introduction should you that's nerves isn't it and also a GP

22:03David Walker:GP for my sins yeah that's not that's really not a for my sins thing is it that within within the doctor community or fraternity isn't you know don't sometimes they get looked down upon a bit for not being specialists, so maybe there's something like that, but it feels harsh. Very important job. General practitioner for my sins.

22:22Charlie Eccleshare:But yeah, a double one, and yeah, quite the stern test. We're seeing an increasing amount of sponsored content. Sponsors are finding their ways into every nook and cranny in football these days, Charlie. Scunthorpe's full-time tweet was sponsored on Tuesday night. Here it goes. Full-time, not our night. Carlisle 3, Scunthorpe 2. Divorce doesn't have to mean conflict. speak to Symes Baines Bruma solicitors your local family law experts what's an advert

22:49David Walker:it's somehow even funnier there are a couple of emojis either side of it one is the handshake one and one's a kind of finger point as in a kind of jaunty hey get yourself down to Bruma solicitors your local family law experts

23:02Charlie Eccleshare:what a way to advertise a divorce company divorce company divorce solicitors don't get yourself down

23:09Adam Hurrey:why not I mean are they not foreshadowing a departure in the manager's position, are they? It's Gunthorpe.

23:16Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, maybe divorces do spike after 3-2 away, defeat to Carlisle. Who knows? Anyway, this episode is brought to you and associated with NordVPN. For those who don't know, VPN stands for Virtual Private Network. It secures your connection, protecting your personal information and online activity, especially on public Wi-Fi. A VPN can also make your phone or laptop appear as if it's in another country, which is great for accessing content while travelling. Indeed, this came from UpTheRedBulls. Here's DAZN Spain commentator Matt Cannon sashaying superbly between two languages as he runs through Michael Carrick's unchanged Manchester United line-up against Spurs on Saturday.

23:59David Walker:Seamless, Charlie!

24:01Adam Hurrey:Nice.

24:02David Walker:That's very good.

24:03Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, that's a master of languages, Dave.

24:06Adam Hurrey:Which language is he commentating in? Spanish. So he's Spanish and he's dropped in a bit of English, not the other way around. Yeah. Okay. It'll never not be impressive.

24:13Charlie Eccleshare:It is impressive, Charlie, but it's also alarming that it would appear that the Spanish language doesn't have its own version of if it ain't broke, don't fix it. More than what the Spanish one would be, like, I don't know, if the omelette tastes nice, then use the eggs again. No. No. That doesn't work. You've used the eggs. Use the same chicken then. I don't know. Anyway, if you want to try NordVPN for yourself, go to nordvpn.com slash cliches. and our link will also give you four extra months on the two-year plan. It's the best discount available. There's no risk with North's 30-day money-back guarantee and the link is also in our podcast description if you need it.

24:49Charlie Eccleshare:We'll be back to continue episode 500 very shortly.

24:59David Walker:Dear McDonald's, your breakfast menu? Fire. Tins across the board. I could be happy with anything. even though I order the same thing every time. Thanks for not judging me. I'll try something new next time. Maybe.

25:16Charlie Eccleshare:Right now for$6, get a big breakfast with hotcakes complete with a biscuit, sausage, scrambled eggs, and hash browns. Order McDelivery or in the app to save time. Pricing participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any of the offers.

25:30David Walker:In the NHL, silver is second to none.

25:35Charlie Eccleshare:The playoff push begins. Alex Ovechkin in the Capitals.

25:39David Walker:Ovechkin fires, he scores!

25:41Charlie Eccleshare:Take on Czechias, David Pasternak and the Brewers. He scores!

25:46David Walker:Then USA hero Jack Hughes and the Devils host fellow countryman JT Miller and the Rangers. The NHL is back.

25:55Charlie Eccleshare:Saturday on ABC.

26:01Oh, look at that! That is wonderful!

26:27Charlie Eccleshare:to enjoy on the Dreamland feed. So sign up at dreamland.footballcliches.com. Right, next up, God bless Sky Sports' commentary-less championship highlights because here is Leicester 3, Southampton 4, but just the crowd noises for the seven goals.

27:23Charlie Eccleshare:Charlie, that has a sumptuous flow to it for a 3-0 up 4-3 defeat. Just watching that trajectory of incredulity at seeing your team go 3-0 up in the first half and then the booze creeping in as the other team gets some hope. It's like moving two sort of knobs on an audio bit of audio equipment. It's incredible.

27:43David Walker:The 3-1, the sort of 3-1 into 3-2, that's my favourite bit as it starts to, the whole mood starts to change.

27:51Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah. Yeah, the real transition that I like picking up on this, Dave, is, yes, the kind of comeback starting to manifest itself and the away fans going, wow, this is on. But the home fans perhaps not booing yet. I like the final one, the fourth goal.

28:09Adam Hurrey:And what you can hear is a noticeable change or reduction in the amount of E's in the years replaced with more A's. Right. It goes from yeah to yeah.

28:24Charlie Eccleshare:You really can detect the vowel sounds and the pitch. Like, you know, the significance of a goal, the pitch will get higher. It's just great to witness. It should be studied, this sort of thing.

28:35David Walker:Dave, what are Leicester doing towards relegation from the championship? Well, they had a points deduction. There's a points deduction, yeah. So I don't think that could be sleepwalking. Yeah, that's like sleeping pills, isn't it?

28:44Adam Hurrey:Yeah. I mean, they are plummeting, aren't they? Can you say circling the drain? Well, but you've not really been circling because all of a sudden they were mid-table and then bang. Right. So not really been circling. They just had the points reduction, which means they're now really in trouble.

29:02David Walker:Dropping like a stone. Yeah.

29:04Adam Hurrey:Yeah. They really are in danger of the old double drop.

29:09Charlie Eccleshare:Shame. Next up, this came from John Torres Anglin. Here is Tony Gale on Fulham versus Everton.

29:15David Walker:Taking them apart down that left-hand side.

29:17Adam Hurrey:That all started from the goal kick field where they played out quite well. It was intercepted but then regurgitated by Fulham.

29:24David Walker:But they really are playing well.

29:30Charlie Eccleshare:To be honest, Charlie, I can't pick up who has control of the ball at any stage of this move and what he's talking about. But can we just talk about regurgitation of the ball, please? That's losing it, isn't it, surely? Keep hold of it. Keep hold of it. Oh, no. I mean, yeah, it goes without saying, Charlie, that regurgitation is not the word. I presume he's looking for recycling, in which case it's getting the ball back. So regurgitation definitely doesn't work. But if regurgitation in football was a thing, what would be the passage of play that the world would be best used for? How could you regurgitate the ball?

30:05Charlie Eccleshare:That would be a really careless loss of possession, right? Sloppy.

30:08David Walker:Yeah, I guess so. It just suddenly sort of rushes away from you.

30:12Charlie Eccleshare:I guess you'd want it to be in and around your own penalty area, wouldn't you, Dave? because that would be the most undignified place to regurgitate the ball. He's got it all over his penalty area.

30:25Adam Hurrey:You'd almost want it to be somebody who's on the ball under no pressure with no players around them. Oh, hang on a minute. Oh, I think he's regurgitated possession there. Just out of nowhere, someone on a train going, out of nowhere.

30:40Charlie Eccleshare:I was really repeating on him. Oh, God, I saw love my shoes. But yeah, lovely stuff. Right, breaking news on Sky Sports on Tuesday night.

30:49David Walker:We've actually just got some breaking news just reaching us concerning Harry Kane. I'll be keen to get your take on this. It's Bayern Munich. They do remain in intensive talks with Harry Kane over his future,

31:00Charlie Eccleshare:but specific negotiations on any potential new deal haven't necessarily taken place. Charlie, can you have intensive talks? And if so, why would they not include the negotiations?

31:12David Walker:What is so intensive about these talks?

31:15Charlie Eccleshare:Incredible. A really, really anxious talk, but we won't be discussing the contract. Just to be clear, we're discussing the possibility of it.

31:21David Walker:Just talking about how happy you are here in general and in the sort of abstracts.

31:25Charlie Eccleshare:I love how many types of talks there are in Football Day, but intensive. Was there any need for that, for Bayern to make that known?

31:31Adam Hurrey:I mean, that is surely pure agent speak. Yeah. That is people caveat after caveat trying to sort of protect what's actually going on, but it just sounds ridiculous.

31:41David Walker:this whoever's briefed that is like you can you can say this but you can't say that okay yep got

31:46Charlie Eccleshare:it yep that's how i report it okay well with your with your knowledge of this world then charlie what function would the word intensive serve if it's been released via a little brief well it

31:56David Walker:might be something like look we need to take the story forward can we say can we say it's intensive you know or you know something like that or you might you might say you might say to us you know can we say closing in on something like that and they'll be like yeah okay but can't say advanced because negotiations haven't started yet. Exactly, it's not advanced. But I don't want you suggesting that, you know, talks on this specific thing have started. Okay, yeah, all right. Yeah, no, no, I'll make that clear, but we'll go with intensive just to move it forward a little bit.

32:23Charlie Eccleshare:I mean, there's a potentially good professional nuance going on here, Dave. If it is indeed agent speak, they're probably saying, if you could sort of play down the chronology of it, because we haven't pushed things forward really, but if you could just play up the energy of it, you know, there's energy on all sides to push this forward.

32:38Adam Hurrey:Almost like, you know, somebody's cornered Harry Kane and gone, are you going to stay? Are you going to stay? Come on, mate. We'll do the negotiation separately. Save the contract! Harry!

32:53Adam Hurrey:Right. 500 episodes. Yeah.

32:57Charlie Eccleshare:What? Well, it's not allowed, is it? That's fine. It's 2026. Ancient history now. Anyway, Dave, can I borrow£2 ,300? Uh, yeah. Because I want to purchase the forthcoming collection. Just take it out of the dreamland. Yeah, I'll expense it. I'll expense it. Because I wish to purchase Adidas' forthcoming collection of FIFA World Cup historical pro balls. Every World Cup ball from 1970 onwards. All in one presentation box. Full size. Original one-to-one replicas of the balls.

33:32Adam Hurrey:Nearly two and a half grand.

33:35Charlie Eccleshare:I mean... Oof. Look at it. I mean, you can't, but, you know, I joke about buying this, Charlie, but, you know, if we ever push through with our vague plans of making this podcast sort of, you know, remotely visual and, you know, pivot to video anyway, it would be the absolute podcast starter kit to go on YouTube to have some well-cut balls behind us on some IKEA bookshelf, wouldn't it?

33:56David Walker:Yeah, yeah. God, I can see the set already. What book should we have on that?

34:01Charlie Eccleshare:Roy Keane's autobiography? Alex Ferguson's is apparently by Knorr. You have to have it on your shelf.

34:08David Walker:What shirt would we have hanging? Yeah. What? God. Denmark? Denmark from 86.

34:13Adam Hurrey:Your referee shirt from Italian 90s. Oh, yeah.

34:16Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, that would be nicely poised for us because it wouldn't be declaring any allegiance. We wouldn't be going to, oh, what a shirt that was, by the way. But it's like, you know, it's just like, yeah, classy little touch, nice little subtle nod to officialdom.

34:29Adam Hurrey:On the balls. So the marketing image for this from the website, whatever, they're presented in like a box, almost like a box of Krispy Kreme donuts that you open and they're all just in there. And I mean, I'm just sort of envisaging somebody splashing out at the start of the season for these balls and turning up to Sunday League, not with a big bag of balls over the shoulder, but just carrying these things like a box of donuts. Sorry, lads, which one do we want today? Which one do you want to warm up with?

34:57Charlie Eccleshare:I think I'll go for the trickle-or, please. I mean, someone rocks up to Sunday League with those. Wow. Not that I'd ever want them to touch turf, Charlie.

35:06David Walker:Yeah, I was going to say, don't ruin that.

35:08Charlie Eccleshare:It's just dawned on me that I've spent the last three or four years of my working from home existence using a replica of a Premier League ball from the early 90s as a footrest. So I am, you know... Does that damage the shape of the ball at all? No, it's not egg-shaped yet, but... Well pumped up. Some of the design is starting to rub off under the friction of my socks. If you can't stretch that far, Charlie, are for 220 quid. You can buy mini versions of them all. I think they're size one, all in a little box. Size one? That would be pretty classy. I think it's size one, yeah. Is that a thing? I'm not sure.

35:44Charlie Eccleshare:I am just guessing. It's like, you know, the mini balls, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know the ones you mean. Size two, maybe? I think they're size one. Pound for pound, Charlie. More fun to play with in various contexts?

35:56David Walker:Those balls are great, little balls. Unreal. Yeah. When you catch one of those. Yeah. My son, the older one, who's five, we start playing a lot in the bedroom and we use mini balls. They're really nice to hit. Because you can hit them pretty hard. I mean, we're playing with softer ones than these. But these ones actually are elite. You can really connect with these. I remember you used to play with them in the playground.

36:18Charlie Eccleshare:You're not going to ruin those by playing around with those in your living room, are you, Dave? So a good investment for 220.

36:23Adam Hurrey:But if you knock something off the mantelpiece, you can blame the Jabalani. Marv, it's Jabalani!

36:30Charlie Eccleshare:Swerve all over the place Yeah exactly It's like a beach ball Oh dear Yeah Adidas if you're listening I will take The large box Of full size balls please Right Over to Scotland Now Celtic beat Dundee In the Scottish Cup At the weekend With two late late goals Giving them a 2-1 win In the fifth round A Dundee fan tweeted Charlie Proud of the team today They gave it everything out there And didn't deserve to be On the losing side Devastating Away sport was great But supposedly Scotland's Biggest club to shame tonight didn't hear a peep from them until they equalised. 11 versus 14 men today. There is more to come from us.

37:04Charlie Eccleshare:And a Celtic fan responded with, always fascinated by the 11 versus X method of complaining about referees. It's often 11 versus 12. There's a rare 11 versus 14 here, which implies the linesmen are in on the conspiracy, but the fourth official was still impartial. You don't really hear the linesmen being involved in this. 11 versus 14 should be the default for this.

37:22David Walker:But I've so rarely seen 11 versus 14. Yeah. That's really strange to chuck the linos in as well.

37:29Adam Hurrey:What would the fourth official have to do to become... Because they can't really make any decisions. I suppose they can delay substitutions, fraudulently put more minutes on the clock at the end than they should do.

37:41Charlie Eccleshare:Or let a player back on the pitch when he's injured.

37:44David Walker:Do you remember when Wenger got sent up to the Old Trafford stands? I'm pretty sure it's the fourth official who alerted Mike Dean, who was reffing to the fact that Wenger had kicked the water bottle. so there you might be like you snivelling little fourth official like yeah we're adding you to the linos and the ref

38:00Charlie Eccleshare:sneakily adding an extra minute onto the board from whatever the referee gave him before he does the additional minutes yeah could be all but yeah could well be 11 versus 15 one day yeah and then throw the VAR in so what that's one official they've got an assistant you can't count the technicians can you they're not part

38:16David Walker:all the staff at Stockley Park yeah Howard Webb

38:20Charlie Eccleshare:overseeing the conspiracy so that's what 18 people you could get a world cup squad out of this it's fantastic meanwhile jamie cuttridge was following the bbc's live blog of events in scotland on tuesday night dave and it said um scottish premiership leaders hearts and city rivals hibbs in ding dong stalemate uh cuttridge said you can't have a ding dong stalemate uh is that true i feel like you can't even in mid game you can have a good nil nil can't you you can have an end-to-end nil nil but stalemate isn't necessarily just a nil-nil is it Charlie it has to be a really dull nil-nil doesn't it I know I realized that you know yeah the chess analogy falls down here but yeah you can't just be a stalemate if it's nil-nil it has to be something else about it has to be pretty dull your stalemate does imply a kind of both

39:03David Walker:teams cancelling each other out in a way that ding dong doesn't you know ding dong's very

39:07Adam Hurrey:different ding dong's back and forth and yeah you know almost like yeah it must have been a hell of a game like because to want to emphasize the fact that it's ding dong but it's also nil-nil I think you're going above and beyond there in terms of the information you're giving in this brief headline

39:22Charlie Eccleshare:Maybe they just kept getting corners at either end and it was really boring, but you had to call it ding-dong Could be These days, the way the football's going, you just don't know Time for footballers' names in things Couldn't leave this out for episode 500 This came from Michael Shields, it's from Amazon crime thriller series Steel Spoiler alert? Dunno Ask an unlikely one-time Premier League title-winning captain

39:53Oh, my God, please.

39:57David Walker:I'm so sorry. Fuck.

39:58Adam Hurrey:I'm so sorry.

40:03Adam Hurrey:Sarah. Where's Morgan?

40:08Charlie Eccleshare:Sarah, where's Morgan? He ran after Luke.

40:12Adam Hurrey:That's nice. It is good. I was sitting there waiting for Tim Sherwood.

40:18Charlie Eccleshare:works superbly. Right, now, an astonishing new level has been revealed for social football content. There is a new podcast out at the moment called The Football Boardroom with Henry Winter and Christian Perslow. It promises footballers you've never seen it before, Dave. It takes you inside the headlines and inside the power structures of modern football. Does it sound compelling to you? Not really, but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt. Give it a chance, absolutely. So, yeah, I think it's a couple of episodes old now, Charlie, but to go with it they've got some social content lined up this came from Gene McGurk who spotted some fun social content that they put out to go with the podcast Christian Perslow's favourite boardrooms to visit on a match day winner stays on

41:01David Walker:Craven Cottage versus the GTAC Stadium Craven Cottage Craven Cottage or the London Stadium the London Stadium the London Stadium or Parc de France the London Stadium The London Stadium or the Etihad? The London Stadium. The London Stadium or Old Trafford? Old Trafford. Old Trafford or the Bernabeu?

41:29Charlie Eccleshare:Old Trafford.

41:30David Walker:Old Trafford or the Amex Stadium? The Amex. The Amex or the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium? The Amex. The Amex or the Emirates? The Amex. well we've learned a few things I mean I'm surprised by that last answer I'm surprised London Stadium did so well so you know yeah I mean Dave

41:53Charlie Eccleshare:Dave I can't believe I'm saying this about a winner stays on clip from TikTok but where's the jeopardy people going ah the boardroom oh it was rubbish at Old Trafford it's just panelled what are you talking about Christian

42:07David Walker:they need to do that as a blind ranking that's the way to add some jeopardy oh Oh, I love the stadium. It's going to kill me.

42:15Charlie Eccleshare:The textbook ooh he did between Spurs and the Amex. It had to be in there somewhere. The real crunch decision.

42:20Adam Hurrey:And I mean, I want to know more. Maybe it's done its job. Tell me why. Why is the boardroom at the Amex so special?

42:27Charlie Eccleshare:Bernabeu getting absolutely muddied there, Charlie. I can't believe it. Yeah. Florentino Perez writing in to complain. They won't be having that. Can't wait to see what the next episode brings. Right, I'll end episode 500 with Happy Hunting Grounds, the ultimate Premier League goal-scoring quiz we kicked off with the debut ladder last week. I want to continue in that vein. So we're going to play the ladder, a collaborative effort between the three of us to go from level one difficulty to level 10. To progress beyond each rung of the ladder, we have to name a player who has scored for that club at that stadium in the Premier League and in which season.

42:59Charlie Eccleshare:If we only get the goal scorer right, we get to go again. If we don't name the scorer, we fall off the ladder and we're done. This season and last season are both excluded, as is Erling Haaland. So here we go. Level one.

43:12Adam Hurrey:nothing silly this week lads okay no sorry i've learned my lesson i'm taking a back seat no less

43:17David Walker:no less fernand compilations it's a real power struggle more than anything right level one who scored for arsenal at anfield uh i mean many people we can we can yeah we can go arshavin in

43:31Charlie Eccleshare:0809 and indeed 090 happy with that dave yeah yes of course before arsenal four at the quadruple Andre Arshavin superb stuff right onto level 2 we go if we ever get to level 10 should we donate money to charity or something 500 sure what are we talking about buying balls 500 to charity why not anyway level 2 who has scored for Manchester United at the bet 365

43:58Adam Hurrey:Rooney

43:59David Walker:Rooney 13-14 I'm pretty sure

44:01Adam Hurrey:that was his was Rooney's was that Rooney's record breaking goal

44:06David Walker:no that was a different season oh That was a really good goal, the record-breaking one, right?

44:11Adam Hurrey:Free kick from out on the left.

44:13Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah. Are you saying 13-14, Charlie?

44:15David Walker:So a different one was 13-14, but the record-breaker would have been 16-17, I think.

44:24Adam Hurrey:Ashley Young scored there in 2013-14.

44:28David Walker:I think the 13-14 was a comeback win for Moises United.

44:34Adam Hurrey:I think Young scored in that game. I've got a good memory for Ashley Young goals. Always keep an eye out for him.

44:39Charlie Eccleshare:All I've got is the Rooney Wonder goal, but I couldn't tell you the season. We should go Rooney. It's towards the end of his career. It's towards the end of his...

44:45David Walker:Yeah, I think that Rooney one would have been 16-17. I think that was his last season.

44:52Adam Hurrey:Well, we know that we'll get a second chance, so we've got to go Rooney. Really? He's definitely scored there.

44:58David Walker:Okay, so what season for Rooney then? I think 16-17 was his last season.

45:04Adam Hurrey:He was gone the season after, wasn't he? He was at Everton.

45:07David Walker:He went to Everton for 17-18, I think.

45:10Adam Hurrey:So I think that makes sense.

45:11Charlie Eccleshare:All right, that's enough deliberation then. Wayne Rooney's 2016-17. Stoke City won. Manchester United won. Goal scorer in the 94th minute, Wayne Rooney. Well done. On to level three we go. What level did we get to last time? Three?

45:25David Walker:Four or three? Three, I think. I can't remember. I think we got three, didn't we? I think that QPR one was four.

45:32Charlie Eccleshare:Right. Level three. Who was scored for Middlesbrough at Anfield? Oof. Wow, that is Middlesbrough. I don't think Ravinelli scored in the reverse fixture in 96-97. He wasn't good away from home at all, really. Giannino.

45:49David Walker:Well, is there like a percentage play? I mean, Hamilton, Ricard.

45:54Adam Hurrey:Often Middlesbrough come up, we always go back to Giannino, Ravinelli, or sometimes you might even think of somebody they had when they were in the Premier League last time round. we always forget Hasselbank and Viduka

46:07David Walker:or Yakubu Afonso Alves less him yeah and also I mean they were kind of crap in that supposed glory age of Giannino and those players I mean they went down in 96-97 I'd go mid-naughties

46:23Adam Hurrey:like 05-0 what was the UEFA Cup year? 05-06 they might have been

46:30Charlie Eccleshare:off the league though

46:31David Walker:yeah exactly more sort of 0405 what a little consideration 0304 they won the what was the Carling Cup so it must have been must have been must have been not bad Yacouba Middle Spirit Liverpool I just can't Hasselbank alright let's go Hasselbank what was the season

46:52Charlie Eccleshare:he scored the big free kick at City

46:53David Walker:or the Yak 0506 go the Yak go the Yak feed the Yak the Yak 0506

46:58Charlie Eccleshare:Yak 0506 Liverpool 2 Middlesbrough 0 Has he ever scored there? Has Jakubu ever scored there? The answer is no Level 3 again Charity will have to wait You're so close Poor from us but there's the algorithm for you Anyway a flat way to end a triumphant episode Thanks to you Charlie Eccleshare 500 episodes not out Thank you

47:28Adam Hurrey:Thanks to you David Walker Thank you and thanks to all the listeners and people that have sent in some very nice messages since you posted about the 500th episode. It's been a joy to read. Always appreciated.

47:38Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, my morale's gone from six to nine overnight. Ten you would have donated to charity but unfortunately not quite. Happy birthday to Colin, the great man. Thanks to everyone for listening. We'll be back on Tuesday. See you then.

47:51David Walker:Like no disrespect to egg.

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48:06Charlie Eccleshare:Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

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