In short
Football Clichés episode 21 mixes football chat with media/wordplay and a listener “adjudication panel.” Topic: Premier League “and breathe” tweets, including how fans and the PL account use the phrase after Saturday 3pm relegation swings; FA Cup semi-final header phrasing (“slot a header”); National League York City’s injury-time promotion equaliser and the pitch-invasion/audio details; commentator quirks (“say your own name”); odd headlines (Frank Lampard “forget loyalty”); and “Keys and Grey Corner” Qatar-to-Coventry travel montage.
Guests
Charlie Eccleshare (football writer/editor) and David Walker (co-host/football commentator; also played football on a stag do weekend).
Key claims
“and breathe” is framed as a neutral tension-relief marker; York’s goal needed no uncertainty thanks to coverage/line decisions; “promised land” is debated across pyramid tiers; “technician of the sphere” is a first-time Sidwell phrase.
Notable examples
Spurs/West Ham relegation fight; York vs Rochdale at Spotland; Enzo Fernández header; Steve Sidwell’s “technician of the sphere” for Harvey Vow’s play; Lampard Coventry headline typo; Qatar Airways montage.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOReflections on the Stag Do
2:12 to 3:54
The hosts share their experiences from a recent stag do.
“Joining me first of all is Charlie Eccleshare.”
The Premier League's 'And Breathe'
3:54 to 4:26
Analyzing the phrase 'and breathe' within the context of Premier League matches.
“Let's start with this, actually, from John Gibson.”
Saturday 3 PM Matches' Significance
4:26 to 5:49
Discussion on the importance of Saturday 3 PM matches in football.
“but West Ham somehow, you know, grabbing three points from Everton.”
FA Cup Headers and Slotting
5:49 to 7:47
Debate on the terminology surrounding headers in football following an FA Cup semi-final.
“You're not just going to sit back and relax.”
York City's Promotion Drama
7:47 to 8:49
A recount of York City's dramatic promotion back to the Football League.
“This is basically the annual occasion where I ask you about a certain type of header.”
The Joy of Lower League Football
8:49 to 14:01
Exploration of the excitement and community spirit in lower league football.
“to the Football League after a decade away from the hands of Rochdale in injury time at Spotland we have to enjoy this it is the equaliser as heard on BBC Radio York Sport commentators David Ward and Ian Dunn.”
The Joy of Football at Every Level
14:01 to 16:48
Explore the charm of lower league football and the culture surrounding it.
“So, Jimmy Glass basically has set a precedent for all of this and people are attuned to the idea.”
Commentators and Their Unique Thrills
16:49 to 19:25
Delve into the excitement of commentators shouting their own names during matches.
“But I don't think, I can't really remember shouting out my own name.”
The Art of Football Commentary
19:26 to 21:47
Understand how commentators create memorable phrases and moments during games.
“But if you love your snooker, that means you're a proper avid player.”
The Curious Case of Frank Lampard
21:48 to 23:48
Investigate the implications of a controversial headline regarding Frank Lampard.
“The rest of it completely, absolutely nonsensical.”
Show all 18 chapters
The End of Football Focus
24:56 to 28:00
Discuss the closure of Football Focus and its implications for football media.
The Downfall of Football Focus
28:00 to 28:50
Exploring the reasons behind the controversy surrounding Football Focus and its shift in content.
“Is that the point they're trying to make, or what is it, the content?”
Gary Neville's Last Game
28:51 to 29:40
Discussing the significance of Gary Neville's final match and memorable moments from that game.
“Moving on, we've been asking for your unearthed gems from the Premier League archive, and this came from Jason Suter, who was watching West Brom 1, Manchester United 2 on New Year's Day 2011.”
Commentary Gems from the Archive
29:41 to 31:05
Analyzing funny and insightful commentary from various Premier League matches.
“It doesn't feel very sort of Premier League corporate commentary.”
Footballers' Names and Quotes
31:06 to 32:08
Highlighting humorous mispronunciations and mangled phrases in football interviews.
“He says, I was watching Married at First Sight Australia for my sins on Channel 4.”
Mangled Cliches in Football
32:09 to 34:27
Exploring amusing instances of mangled cliches during football commentary.
“Is that like a Yeah, Tommy's was the colloquialism for British soldiers.”
Richard Keys' Journey
34:28 to 38:52
A detailed narration of Richard Keys' travel from Qatar to Coventry for a football match.
“because that's sort of three things coming together Yeah it's three isn't it You've got monkey off my back break the duck and is there a bit of water off the duck's back in there as well?”
Reflections on Keys' Journey
38:53 to 40:58
Sharing insights and reflections about Richard Keys' social media posts during his trip.
“I think Andy Gray's appearance, my driver.”
Transcript
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0:41Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. I'm sorry, you can sit there and look and play with all your silly machines as much as you like. Is Gascoigne going to have a crack? He is, you know. Oh, I see! Brilliant! He's ran the goalkeeper He's done it Absolutely incredible He launched himself Six feet into the crowd And Kung Fu kicked A supporter who was Without a shadow of a doubt Giving him lip Oh I say It's amazing He does it tame and tame and tame again Crank up the music Charge a glass This nation is going to dance all night.
1:54Charlie Eccleshare:Odyssey from Qatar to Coventry via Kensington. Brought to your ears by Goal Hanger Podcasts, this is Football Clichés.
2:07Charlie Eccleshare:Hello everyone and welcome to Football Clichés. I'm Adam Hurry, this is the Adjudication Panel. Joining me first of all is Charlie Eccleshare. How are you doing? Very well, thank you. And alongside you is David Walker. We could spend the whole pod on this, but how are things? Thanks. Things are improving slowly after Saturday's events, which was my stag do. Well, part one of my stag do, in fact, Lord, that you both attended. I think we all had fun, didn't we? It was a cracking, cracking day. I really, really enjoyed it. It really was, yeah. And I was awaiting your intro there, Adam, like when sort of Gary Lineker was doing, you know, the first match of the day back or the last one before the premiership and that sort of thing.
2:47So, yeah, very much delivered. Enjoyed it.
2:48Charlie Eccleshare:I'm just glad Dave's here because it was touch and go in many senses, I would say. He played football on Sunday. I'd fully expect him to be here today. I know. It was a shambles, though. I turned up 20 minutes late and I had the kit. So I had to apologise to the ref and the other team. Oh, no. And, yeah. But I came on for five minutes at the end, actually. Gave myself five minutes up front. Should have scored. Had a good chance, actually, from the throw-in. Just completely missed it. What a story that would have been. Talk us through it. Like, literally talk us through it. Well, it was one of those where...
3:19And what state you're in at this point? My mouth was so dry. I was like, this is bad. But it was only five minutes. But then, yeah, it was a throw in. And it's just one of those moments where you just realise just how pathetic you are, actually, at football. Like, all I needed to do was basically just sort of take two steps towards the ball and I probably would have been able to just tap it in. But I was just completely and utterly flat-footed.
3:45Charlie Eccleshare:I really wish I'd seen that. But yeah, despite your efforts at anger, recruit me at about midnight. There's absolutely no chance of me turning up to that game. Right, adjudication panel. Let's start with this, actually, from John Gibson. And Charlie says, The Premier League Twitter account inevitably posted and breathe at the conclusion of the Saturday 3 p.m. I wonder what makes the perfect and breathe situation. For me, the core elements are important prize on the line, direct rivals playing at the same time, a flurry of late action with swings in both directions. and crucially, it's as you were at the end with the promise of more twists and turns to come.
4:21Charlie Eccleshare:So this pertains specifically to the relegation fight, of course. Spurs thinking they might have got an edge, but West Ham somehow, you know, grabbing three points from Everton. So a solid and breathe situation, would you say? Yeah, well, actually in a Spurs WhatsApp group I'm in, someone did write and breathe. So given, you know, the PL is presumably trying to, you know, take the pulse of the average fan, but by that metric, they were bang on. Wow, great to see. Well, is it great to see, Dave, that fans have been brainwashed by the and-breathed sentiment? That was a very commercial thing, but now fans are taking it on.
4:52Yeah, but it doesn't feel like... I don't know, is it an and-breathed for Spurs? I mean, there's still... There's been no relief, has there? They did win. I mean, they did win their game. And it was looking as though they were going to drop two points to West Ham for a good while. And then, you know, to go from two points behind to four points behind, I think, with four games left, would have felt pretty disastrous. They're still in it. There was also like a late save from Kinski. So there was that whole thing as well of like you have, there is an element of you've clung on, you've got your win, which I think you do need.
5:21Like you need that sort of moment at the end of like, oh my God.
5:24Charlie Eccleshare:And breathe is a very neutral thing as well, Charlie. It doesn't necessarily mean that your team was triumphant last night or lost. It just means that the tension for now has abated. It does, but I don't think you would, I guess, obviously, yeah, they're different. They are neutral, but I do think there is an element of relief to it because you've been so tense and you can finally relax. Whereas I think if you've been so tense and had a bad result, you're not going to be breathing easily. Yes, you're not going to be really tense, but you're going to be angry. You're not just going to sit back and relax.
5:54Charlie Eccleshare:I almost tweeted on Sunday morning, how are you feeling, Dave Walker fans?
6:02Charlie Eccleshare:But there's an extra twist to this from John Gibson, Dave. He says, side note, the official Premier League account has tweeted this phrase and breathed on no fewer than 20 occasions since 2016, mostly alongside a summary of the day's weekend scores several hours after the last game is finished, sometimes at full time of a single game with four or more goals or a late winner, and twice mid-game in 2017. Mid-game and breathed, Dave. Wow. So what happened there? What's the context? OK, so the first one was Arsenal versus Liverpool going from 0-1 at 52 minutes to 3-2 at 58 minutes. When was this, Charlie?
6:40Charlie Eccleshare:That was December 2017. It was just before Christmas. He thinks that's fair enough, Charlie, but the other one was nine minutes into Everton versus Letta in 2017 at 1-1. And breathe! Absolute madness! Yeah, that's not the time to be doing that. You've got so much still to come. Very premature and breathing. Can I just say something? On the Saturday 3pm, I was thinking, just given as well, because we did a recent Dreamland on Soccer Saturday, I wonder when there was last a more sort of consequential soccer Saturday than this one just gone. Like, it's so rare now that you've got huge games at Saturday 3pm, that they're involving huge clubs like Spurs and West Ham.
7:18And that you had this like proper ding dong of, you know, it swung so much. You know, there was a four point swing and then back another two point swing the other way. So I think like if, you know, I wonder how much it was watched, but if there was ever a moment for it to feel relevant again, this would have been it. Maybe everyone was just streaming the games.
7:35Charlie Eccleshare:Thanks to the FA Cup, if anything, for essentially denying us a proper Super Sunday so that we could focus more on the Saturday 3pm. But you're absolutely right. Soccer Saturday, very much serving its purpose there. But over to the FA Cup indeed. We go now, Dave. This is basically the annual occasion where I ask you about a certain type of header. TNT Sports tweeted that Enzo Fernandes slots Chelsea ahead in the FA Cup semi-final with a header. Can you slot a header? It's the ultimate test of your consciousness, isn't it? I'm going to say no, but he did sort of slot himself in between two players to score the header.
8:10Charlie Eccleshare:I mean, Charlie, as I say, we do have this kind of periodic kind of sense check about heading actions. I don't think, I feel like slotting a header should be logical. There's potential there for header slotting. If you slot a shot, headers can be placed in a similar way. Yeah, you're just placing it in the corner. But it does sound a bit weird. but I fear what's happened here Dave is that no real analysis of the header has taken place they've just seen they've seen someone score from relatively close range and gone with slot and I'm really annoyed by that autopilot behaviour but the real drama of the weekend came down in the National League when York City snatched promotion to the Football League after a decade away from the hands of Rochdale in injury time at Spotland we have to enjoy this it is the equaliser as heard on BBC Radio York Sport commentators David Ward and Ian Dunn.
9:32We have done it! Have you ever done anything quite like that I hadn't done? Told you there was a chance. Lost my voice. I told you there's a chance. There's always a chance in football if you believe. And you deserved it. These boys deserved it, David. There's always ever, never, ever give up. This team never, ever gives up. We always score! We always score! You get your rewards! And my word! I've lost my voice.
10:02Charlie Eccleshare:obviously in totality Dave it's utterly superb but the initial flurry after the goal's gone in and you could just hear the other microphone popping in and out like I'm just a little animal somewhere in the distance the audio of it is absolutely fascinating it's it's I mean it is exactly what you'd want I think from the local radio coverage of such a um amazing occurrence and the co-commentator Ian Dunne he did well to compose himself there after he after his voice completely went and he just managed to find another 20 seconds from somewhere. Just held it a little bit. I wish I could do that in karaoke where my voice completely goes.
10:36Charlie Eccleshare:Just find a lower gear to get yourself up the hill, Charlie. That's basically what you did with his voice. I did it my favourite was him saying desolation everywhere. He does really good. In the most jubilant voice. It's so good. Yeah, yeah, that's absolutely class. Does it count as the promised land for the football league? that's a very good question. I was so close to doubting I was going to put a proper kind of new... Probably is, fair enough. Yeah, I don't know I didn't want the emotion to overcome me. I wanted to have a proper debate about this. But yeah, I mean, even in relative terms, Charlie, getting up from a one promotion place from the National League, even if you have been in the Football League before, is promised land.
11:12Yeah, I think so. I mean, I wonder how far that goes down the footballing pyramid. You know, because I guess it's all relative to a certain extent.
11:19Charlie Eccleshare:Combined counties up one to the sort of rung above, that could be promised land. I mean, yeah, you're going to need better floodlights, son. but yeah I'm happy with sort of relative uses of promised land absolutely but on the DAZN coverage Dave I've watched the sort of highlights back of this and everything about it visually was perfect I mean even the scenario of the game Rochdale needing to win to pip York they were both obviously streets ahead in the National League so it brought up the debate of one-up being a bit unfair. But just looking at that game in the sunshine, the way it was all set up, it oozed injury-time drama.
11:59Charlie Eccleshare:Everything about it was set that way. It did feel like the script was written for this. It did remind me a little bit of the thing I was talking about the other day when Watford, you know, not quite as dramatic, but when Watford failed to win the title in 2015. And I was getting annoyed at people invading the pitch. Now, obviously, Rochdale thinking they'd won this, thinking and they'd gone up, that is grounds for a pitch invasion, no problem. But in this day and age, the injury time and everything we have, and obviously their pitch invasion led to there being more injury time as well. You know, I just sort of, there is a bit of me, without wanting to be sort of celebration police, there's a bit of me that's just annoyed at the Rochdale fans who went on the pitch.
12:37Charlie Eccleshare:It's fucking mad to watch it, knowing what's going to happen, like, minutes later. Again, you can't deny it, but it is sensational. But the equalising goal from York, Charlie, there was a hint of dubiousness about it at the time because it was blocked on the line. I'm so glad that the zone's coverage ended up with an angle that showed that the ball was well over the line before it was kind of blocked by the defender because I feel like the drama didn't need any uncertainty there. We wanted clarity and we got it. It's just the sort of thing that you just need in a domestic season. Doesn't matter what division, you just need it.
13:08Yeah, imagine that being a proper discussion point and never quite knowing how frustrating that would have been. Do they have tech? I didn't think they would. Do they have goal line tech in the National League? No. No. Yeah. So it's called,
13:22Charlie Eccleshare:the referee of the line have called it on side. the line was in a great position. Fair play to him. Flag went straight up. There was no, yeah, absolutely no doubt. Because you might easily lose your focus a bit and there's just been a massive pitch invasion. Spot on. I mean, just to give an idea of the ripple effect of this because we're talking about the fifth tier here. I thought it was just a superb advert for English football that moment because as we were at sand down race course for Dave Stag do on a very, very hot Saturday afternoon. Hearing that news do the rounds amongst a 50-strong Stag do and other people around getting their phones out.
13:55Charlie Eccleshare:Have you seen this? York have scored. York have scored like the eighth minute of injury time. Everyone's going, oh, fucking hell. But nobody even knew the context. It just sounds, that must be amazing. So, yeah. So, Jimmy Glass basically has set a precedent for all of this and people are attuned to the idea. But the Oberliga Barton-Württemberg, the Tethera Federacion Grupo Siete, the Excellencia Basilicata, the Championnat National Trois, Gruppe G, Cudeneva. What a pyramid we've got, by the way. Above everything, Charlie, I mean, I just love 100-point halls. Yeah. There's just something great about it.
14:33Charlie Eccleshare:I don't... Often there's a discussion to be had about the competitiveness of certain divisions. I don't care. I want to see 100-point halls and I want to see 100-goal halls as well. There is something very satisfying about them. I mean, I saw Haringey Borough get promoted up from the ninth tier. They were away at Cockfosters. This was a couple of weeks ago. And it's like, they've got this huge following go there. And it's like, I know this is very like earnest football chat, but it's the ninth tier. And I went to a home game of those recently. I think it was 750 people there. Admittedly, it was like one of the most of the season.
15:02I think they're the one of the highest in that division. But it is, it's kind of amazing.
15:06Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, I think it's class. I think it's just because, you know, patches of land in this country are dedicated just for football. And these massive amounts of square yardage that could be so valuable for other people's purposes. No, it's for us to play football on. And we've got shit loads of clubs. Tremendous stuff. Back up to the top tier now. Listener Michael Cox pointed this out. When Seb Hutchinson, on Sky Sports duty for Nottingham Forest away at Sunderland on Friday night, had the opportunity to shout his own name when Amari Hutchinson had a shot on goal. Doretti, that's not the best pass in the world.
15:42Eagle Jesus. Hutchinson. Hutchinson saved by Roos.
15:48Charlie Eccleshare:Coxie says, I wondered if that's just because it's the name he's practised most over the years in the back half. Must be a great thrill for a commentator to be able to do that, Dave. Yeah, I mean, you think about it. Fletch must have done a Fletcher at some point. his own name I mean his exact name yeah yeah exactly no Tilsley's or Motson's maybe a no I don't think Carl Tyler but didn't he was a centre back wasn't he so I don't think he would have had much chance Motson no Davis potentially yeah obviously different as a co-com but yeah big time quite a unique thing I do like that idea though I mean like maybe commentators are different but did you guys when you were a kid playing in Bruce Ball would you say your own name would you do a kind of hurry no They won the FA Cup.
16:35Charlie Eccleshare:Good question, actually. I did play a lot of solo football across the road at half-time of the Sunday, whatever Sunday league game was played, and the nets were up. I would have a 50-minute solo kickabout. And I would commentate, but I wasn't the player. Wow, I never considered that I should have been. Wow. I guess my ego has limits. I'm trying to think if I would, maybe. But I don't think, I can't really remember shouting out my own name. But then, yeah, maybe that's why, you know, Seb Hutchinson and the like have made it as comms. I think I did a lot of Shearer. I think I was Shearer, yeah. He has three options.
17:08Charlie Eccleshare:Yourself, a famous player, or completely nameless. It's just a generic commentary. But yeah, horses for courses. Also for this game, Ewan Taylor pointed out that at 3-0, Hutchinson produced a lovely John Motsen tribute. James with the cross and Igor Jesus all the time. Gibbs White is getting better. And better and better for Nottingham Forest. I mean, it isn't just a tribute, Charlie. I think this is now one of the accepted ways of saying a team have gone unexpectedly three goals up, or at least have three goals. I love it. Yeah, and I love the original as well. I really do think it sums it up so well.
17:49Charlie Eccleshare:I mean, it might feel like a stretch, Dave, to call it a Motson tribute. I mean, it is a fairly standard turn of phrase, but it's all in the emphasis. It's all in the timing. Let's hear them side by side. Nottingham Forest going 3-0 up away at Sunderland and England going 3-1 up against Germany in Munich in 2001. Oh, this is getting better and better and better. Ah, wow. That's perfect. Yeah. What a great ow as well as a start. Ow! And Huffington's got it in his locker to do that, actually. Imagine if he'd done that, yeah. Yeah. Oh, excellent. Excellent stuff. Snooker World Championship at the Crucible.
18:26Charlie Eccleshare:We had to wait until day five, but thanks to listener Jamie for the spot. We got what we wanted.
18:45Say it John, say it
18:49Charlie Eccleshare:Alright we'll fast forward it
19:00A little nod and a smile to someone in the audience. I wonder if it was Paul Scholes. Good to see him here. Yeah, fantastic. One great watching another, I'd say. Yeah, what a player he was. And I know he loves a snooker a lot.
Read the full transcript
19:15Charlie Eccleshare:I'll take it, Charlie. And we got a bonus what a player he was as well. but if we're being pinnickety it's one run down because he loves the snooker doesn't love his snooker so is that a level of love down perhaps? Yeah I think it is loves his snooker I don't think if it's his sport as much but it would so well I mean at the Madrid Open as well which is going on at the moment there are quite often Real Madrid players there and Courtois was there last week and they were showing him again and again and again and it's hard for the commentators there's only so much you can say you know it's like yep there's it by Courtois loves the tennis but surely you have to know I mean he could just be there on a freebie like just might not have a fucking clue what's going on yeah exactly 40, 30 how does that work yeah I've never been before but someone offered me a free ticket I thought I'd check it out I actually don't really like snooker that much I found today quite boring Courtois there very agnostic about his tennis actually yeah but yeah I think there's a crucial distinction Dave I mean Courtois did to be fair play tennis then at the Bernabeu good to know with Bellingham and yeah okay so yeah but yeah Dave if you could love the snooker, which means you just love the whole, you know, pomp and ceremony of it.
20:20Charlie Eccleshare:But if you love your snooker, that means you're a proper avid player. But I can see Scolese as a snookerman. Can you? Yeah, I can definitely see him. You know, I think back in, he played in the generation as well where playing snooker might have been quite a regular sort of thing to do in the afternoons when they weren't training and stuff. It's a real keeping yourself to yourself sport as well as Scolese wants to do. So I'm all right with that. All right, next up, This headline blew my mind. I mean, I just can't believe it. I mean, Reach PLC have so much to answer for, Charlie, but this from the Coventry Telegraph.
20:56Charlie Eccleshare:Frank Lampard told, forget loyalty amid won't be at Coventry City reality. Pick that one apart. Pick the bones out of that. I mean, yeah. The won't be being in quotes really does make it an absolute maze. So what's happened here? he's Frank Lampard has been told forget loyalty but who so it genuinely is a head scratcher because someone is telling Frank Lampard to forget about loyalty is that from the club he might be going to like is that from a Chelsea because presumably Coventry City aren't going to get rid of him well I can tell you it's former Sky Blues player Tim Sherwood who's warned Lampard not to show too much loyalty to the players who got Sky Blues back to the Premier League he's got to look after himself he said so it may well be that you know there's better jobs out there.
21:44Charlie Eccleshare:But yeah, Amid won't be at Coventry City reality. Fuck me. The best thing about it, Dave, is after I pointed it out on Twitter just how absolutely insane the headline was, it got changed very swiftly to Frank Lampard told forget loyalty as won't be at Coventry City reality hammered home. No, that's not a thing to fix, guys. You can keep the Amid. I don't mind an Amid. The rest of it completely, absolutely nonsensical. What is going on? Jesus Right Let's move on Let's return to Soccer Saturday This came from Titti Camaral Says hello Here's Steve Sidwell On Soccer Saturday As QPR go a goal up Against Derby I've got a strong suspicion This has happened before But I can't find any trace Of us discussing this On the pod But we have to hear it anyway Honestly I can't tell you How good QPR Have been in this first Open what 12-30 minutes He's down the right hand side They just break at pace He's been down the right hand side He gets into the box He pulls it back Harvey Vow He's a technician of the sphere He just drops his shoulder, lets it run across onto his left foot, and there he is.
22:45A technician of the sphere. Absolutely mad turn of phrase. I don't think we have had that before. I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've heard someone use that. What do you think?
22:53Charlie Eccleshare:Do you like it? Sidwell's got something about him, Charlie. I've seen him on Puddle Duty a few times, and there's something extra about Steve Sidwell. He's not of the bottle. Don't write Steve Sidwell off just yet. That's all I'm saying. Big question for you, though, Charlie. is The Technician of the Sphere more Indiana Jones or Harry Potter? I don't think it's very Harry Potter. Harry Potter and The Technician of the Sphere. Tintin? Maybe The Adventures of Tintin and The Technician of the Sphere. That makes more sense. I think it's more Tintin. Yeah, I genuinely think It's The Technician of the Sphere because there's a...
23:22Sid Sidwell's a bit Tintin-esque, isn't he? I suppose he is. I mean, could it be a Bond that The Technician of the Sphere? I'm not sure. That's the villain. Not sexy enough for Bond. If that's the next title or the next Bond film,
23:33Charlie Eccleshare:you fear for it, I think, don't you? How's that theme tune going? Steve Sidwell does actually do film soundtracks, Steve Sidwell. He's a composer, so that could be tremendous. Wow, it all comes together. Anyway, this episode of Football Clichés is brought to an association with Saley, a new eSIM service app from the creators of NordVPN. Listeners, I will admit to a frisson of excitement when I land in a foreign country, my phone slowly finds a signal, and the unfamiliar name of the local network operator finally appears at the top of my screen. But after that excitement, usually comes fear. about the charges I'll rack up if I use my data abroad.
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24:39Charlie Eccleshare:To try it out for yourself, you can download Saley, that's S-A-I-L-Y, in your app store and use our code Clichés at checkout to get an exclusive 15 % off your first purchase. Full details are in our episode description or simply visit salie.com slash clichés. We'll be back very shortly.
25:06oh look at that that is wonderful
25:13Charlie Eccleshare:welcome back to football cliches um episode 21 of dreamland flew off the shelves this weekend to great acclaim dave you you declared it the best one we've ever done which surprised me actually i i yeah i'm gonna go on a limb and say i think that's true um i was laughing a lot when editing it so I think that's always a good sign 10 years of Richard Keyes' blog it was about time we did that and we captured it perfectly sign up for Dreamland for just£5.99 a month and you'll get ad free listening available all of our episodes plus 2 episodes a month of Dreamland our exclusive show and other bits as well on Thursday this week it's the listeners Mezzet Harlan Dix so get in touch with your 30 second voice notes about the things that fascinate you or irritate you about football the nichier, the smaller, the weirder the better now back to mainstream culture though charlie the sad day has come football focus is dead um we saw this coming a mile off didn't we it has been coming yeah yeah um kesey stuck his oren straight away on this dave it's not alex scott fault football focus has folded folded it's a sign of the times match of the day will be next viewing habits have changed that's why grandstand and world of sport ended and sports night pre-show and post-show wrapped around live games will go soon as well what a big claim from the big man he thinks sort of build up and reaction is gonna go that's coinciding with his departure from being he has no no points anymore yeah don't realize without me and andy like i mean i get his overall point i understand the point he's making but match the day never is never gonna go is it well i i love this because he he clearly really wants match the day to go it's a real sort of low level agenda of his i don't i think it's rarely in the blogs unless mainly as a little aside but he does if ever there's a thing like this he will make the point that match the day won't last charlie when this news did finally break officially i was licking my lips to see what the um center right media would make of this and uh it was a fairly tame reaction because i think everybody knew that one it was coming and And two, even the real kind of traditionalist knew that it outstayed its welcome somewhat.
27:26Charlie Eccleshare:Sort of creatively, there wasn't much use for it. But it didn't stop some great candidates. The Daily Mail going with the headline, It's the final whistle for football woke us, which is superb. Like easy and level, play on words. And then in the Telegraph, Dave, Like the Church of England, football focus was gentle, measured and paternalistic. Absolute mad. For goodness sake. Like, I mean, just to go on the Daily Mail one, and obviously this is an opinion that has been parroted by many online, but, like, what the fuck are they talking about? Why is Football Focus gone? Because there's a woman hosting it.
28:03Is that the point they're trying to make, or what is it, the content? Not just that, Dave.
28:07Charlie Eccleshare:I refer you to GB News, who explained why Football Focus had gone woke. It was because they'd replace, you know, analytical tactics chat with stuff about mental health. There was never tactics chat on Football Focus. I mean, what is he on about? Yeah, because the question posed under that Daniel Miller headline is, was BBC's preview show too right on for fans? I mean, who was saying this about football? Wasn't the whole thing with Football Focus that it basically didn't change? It was kind of always roughly the same sort of stuff. And it's just, you know, times have changed. There isn't really space for it.
28:39Charlie Eccleshare:There's always been a do-gooding segment halfway through. Yeah, exactly. A community fucking thing that people are doing. Yeah. Oh, dear. It's pathetic. Yeah. I haven't really got... Yeah, I'm glad there's no discourse. so I don't think I've got the energy for it anyway. Moving on, we've been asking for your unearthed gems from the Premier League archive, and this came from Jason Suter, who was watching West Brom 1, Manchester United 2 on New Year's Day 2011. Charlie, the significance of this game? This is Gary Neville's last game. Indeed it was. Do you know what? In my head, I'm not going to say Mandela effect, but in my head, Dave, Gary Neville was hauled off after 20 minutes because he just couldn't hack it.
29:12Charlie Eccleshare:Turns out he lasted 70. He just had a particularly tough time, didn't he? Was it Matt Phillips? who? Jerome Thomas I think it was Jerome Thomas yeah but there was also a game against Stoke which I think people confused earlier in the season where he got absolutely torn a new one I think by Matty Etherington and should have been sent off and I think was sort of a mercy killing was subbed off for his own good which might be a confusion been sent off in this game as well for a sort of professional foul first half anyway we'll move on later in this game because Craig Burley is on co-coms as Javier Chicharito Hernandez plunders the winner Manchester United after surviving and missed penalty are now 2-1 up well you better call Quincy because there's an autopsy going on in this West Brom defence and they lost a very very similar goal against Blackburn that was even closer than that that's three yards out and I'm sorry but Javier Hernandez could walk under a bed with a top hat on I mean he ain't big is he he ain't big but who's picking him up answers on the postcard it's not difficult the answer's no one it is shocking absolutely shocking defending oh my god call Quincy
30:24fucking hell there's so much going on there it's sort of a hat trick because then you've got the top hat thing you've got the answers on a postcard he's really going for it yeah I like the way he adjusts as well and very quickly after using that colloquialism does explain what he means by it he almost goes like oh maybe not everyone will get that reference very over-engineered way
30:42Charlie Eccleshare:of saying someone is short isn't it fair play but yeah great to know that these these gems are just lying around in the Premier League archive. It doesn't feel very sort of Premier League corporate commentary. I mean, it does. I'm a bit baffled, Dave, by which commentary they pick sometimes, but this must have been the world feed, so so be it. I was going to say, it sort of feels quite NBC or Fox sports, doesn't it? Yeah, I completely agree. I feel like you can get away with a lot more there with the distance. Footballers' names and things next. A couple for you. First one comes from Oscar Lynch.
31:10Charlie Eccleshare:He says, I was watching Married at First Sight Australia for my sins on Channel 4. Crucially here, the bride's name is Gio. And? Gio. She done a runner. For fuck's sake. Gio, she's done a runner. That's perfect. That's twice now Donna Rum has come up, and in glorious style in footballers' names and things. So, yeah, what a name he's got for our purposes. Second one, this came from PMD. It's one for you, Dave, in particular. It's from Hugh Sebag Montefiore's Somme into the breach. Graphic evidence that this was the case Was to be supplied by Private Claude Burley Of the 2nd Wellington Regiment During his last day on the Somme In the course of the lead up to the New Zealand Division's First Somme action He had helped to carry the remains of Corporal Cliff Curran And Private Tommy Mooney The men who had been blown up Now there's a man who knows a thing or two about being on the front line Tommy Mooney is quite a sort of apt World War I soldier's name isn't it?
32:06Yeah it does work Wasn't that the thing? Tommy's? Is that like a Yeah, Tommy's was the colloquialism for British soldiers.
32:13Charlie Eccleshare:There you go. Right, next up. Charlie, you know how I can't abide sort of expressive editorialised language on Wikipedia pages? This came on the Reddit, on Piotr Zielinski's Wikipedia page. It says, on 2nd of November 2025, Zielinski scored an absolute screamer against Hellas Verona to make it one bill. You can't have this on Wikipedia. An absolute screamer. Yeah, I mean, have they got a bit more licence to do this sort of stuff? I don't think so. You could cite it if you put a clip to the commentary or something or a match report. Screamer on its own might have been borderline, but the absolute qualifier, Dave, really does.
32:52Charlie Eccleshare:It's very un-Wikipedia. Where's the decorum? I don't mind it. Really? I'm interested to know what sort of screamer it was now. All right. Well, you can be charged with my Wikipedia page from now on, if that's what you think. Right. A couple of specifically animal-based mangled football cliches for you now. I really enjoyed these. First one came from Pete Sibanda. It's from BBC Radio Derby's Weekend Preview. There's a number of precursors, you know, I think that we see where we're seeing improvements within the Rams, you know, on-field performances. One is we score in a different... We've got a variety of how we score, you know, so we're not like that one-horse pony in terms of, like, getting the ball up to the front man.
33:28Charlie Eccleshare:I love one-horse pony, like a really, really faithful pony.
33:36Monogamous pony.
33:40Charlie Eccleshare:Oh, God. Not sleeping around through the hay. One horse pony. You can totally see how it's happened, as with all of these things. But how about this one? It came from Gallier on the Discord. Here's Stockport's Louis Barry being interviewed after his hat-trick against Peterborough. Louis, congratulations, a win. But, I mean, for you, a hat-trick, a beautiful hat-trick at that. Yeah, my first career hat-trick. So I've always, like, whenever I've got a brace, I've always thought I need to break the duck's back because I've always had chances on my third goal but I've always missed so Brutal! Horrible!
34:17Don't do that
34:20Charlie Eccleshare:The confusion on his face Charlie at least betrayed some uncertainty about it so I think there might be some awareness going on there He knows Yeah That's superb because that's sort of three things coming together Yeah it's three isn't it You've got monkey off my back break the duck and is there a bit of water off the duck's back in there as well? Exactly I think that's the water for ducks back will have been heard at some point. So that's just made a little appearance. A rare triple mangling. Absolutely fantastic. Anyway, speaking of mangling, it's time for Keys and Grey Corner.
35:04Ford Super Sunday.
35:08Charlie Eccleshare:Right, followers of Richard Keyes' social media output will know that he was very busy on Instagram this weekend. An unprecedented flurry of Instagram videos from the big man as he made an odyssey from Qatar to Coventry. He wanted to be there after he'd finished broadcasting on Saturday to be at the CBS Arena to see Coventry lift the championship trophy. And what a journey it was. I have condensed those 12 Instagram videos into a single three-minute montage of his odyssey. Let's go. Okay. I don't know if this is going to work, but I'm going to give it a try because... And I need to be there tomorrow.
35:51So I got back in last night at 1am, heading to work this afternoon, and then we'll see what unfolds from that point. My driver's here. Hello everybody. I forgot to tell you I was going back to watch the Super Sky Blues tomorrow. You're not. Fuck off you're not, are you? I fucking love you son. Now I'm sure it's fucking brilliant, well done. Okay that's done, so now all I need is a reliable driver that's to take me back to the hotel. Quick change, shave, shower, what else goes with shaving? Well, we won't see.
36:37And then we're on, look, 45 minutes from now. I need now a fair wind. That's all we need. I guess the trip starts in earnest here now. I'm smiling as I'm showering, thinking to myself, and I just said it on air today, what football does to us all. But I have to go. So I'm now in the hands of my very good friends at Catter Airways.
37:03Charlie Eccleshare:The boys at Qatar Airways.
37:33And fair play to Qatar Airways for getting so many flights. And next stop, Heathrow. A big thanks to Qatar Airways. This is, to the few that are watching, an unpaid plug, but maybe somebody from Qatar Airways is. And there's a reason that our national carrier is airliner. We're here again. An unscheduled stop in Kensington. Montparnasse. which I probably shouldn't say because I'm being filmed being filmed this is mad didn't expect to get quite so much reaction but thank you to all of you who have been in touch good people I've met along the I mentioned Warren in the last video Warren Barth I honestly honestly didn't go and ever see the day that we made, we made your back from your knee.
38:33This is going to be extraordinary. So it's a very wonderful...
38:53Charlie Eccleshare:Highlight, Charlie? I think Andy Gray's appearance, my driver. The second Qatar Airways plug and sort of little dig at BA in the process I really enjoyed as well. Ah, national carrier. Gorgeous little French cafe. Gorgeous little French cafe is great. I particularly enjoyed him quite earnestly saying, I need a fair wind. Because, do you know what? When you are up against it time-wise for a journey, you do say that to yourself. Do you know what? With a fair wind here, if the tube arrives just at the right time, I think I'm going to get there on time. So the sentiment was good. I felt his pain there.
39:29After all of that, though, that was a three-minute edited version of what was a whole day's worth of travel logs from him. He bloody crashed it. He tried to do his little bit, like his little line into the trophy lift at the end, and he got the timing wrong.
39:44Charlie Eccleshare:Oh, dear. Yeah. He was battling against the CBS arena atmosphere there in vain, I felt. there was one bit of his travelogue Charlie that I couldn't quite put here because it didn't work in an audio sense but he's at his home in Kensington ready to refuel and go again up the M40 to Coventry and he's sat in his kitchen and that song by The Enemy is playing that's become so famous with Coventry's Rise and he's put it on in his kitchen as loud as possible and he's got presumably his missus to film him and she comes down the stairs into the kitchen and he's sat there phone in hand just listening to the music just pumping his arm and I just thought that's really sweet I feel great for him I feel really he looks so happy like genuinely happy it's like sort of stripped of all ego and everything he's just sat there just going my team are up isn't life wonderful yeah fair play to him absolutely fair play but yeah Andy Gray's little hello everybody also that moment of like oh yeah like his genuine surprise yeah and what is he like fucking love you mate yeah oh yeah loved it loved it oh dear you know the reputation is being in harm Dave, that's all I'm saying.
40:51Charlie Eccleshare:He's on his way back. He'll be back. There'll be plenty more where that comes from next season, I'm sure. I suspect so. That's us for today. Thanks to you, David Walker. Thank you. What a hero. Thanks to you, Charlie Eccleshire. Thank you. Thanks to everyone for listening. We'll be back on Thursday with the listeners, Mesut Harlan Dix. See you then.
From the publisher
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the threshold for the Premier League to tweet the words "and breathe...", the sound of York City's last-gasp, fifth-tier glory, Paul Scholes at the snooker, Steve Sidwell coins a curious new phrase, RIP Football Focus, some mangled animal-themed football idioms and Richard Keys' 6000-mile Instagrammed odyssey from Qatar to Coventry.
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