Labour's laboured footballspeak, thumpable scorelines & penalty pop-ups

19:00I'm a season ticket holder at Everton. Killing spontaneity. You can't celebrate a goal because you think someone somewhere in an industrial unit is going to rule it out.

19:08Charlie Eccleshare:I'll stop you there, Andy. I will stop you there. It's a business park. Stocking Park is a business park. Stop calling it an industrial estate. It's a unit. Yeah. I've heard that one before. Well, I mean, look, if there is any better way for Andy Burnham to prove that he's got more about him than Keir Starmer, come on the pod, Andy. NHD awaits. You don't have to do much. the curse of cliches strikes again quite a slow burning curse but a curse nonetheless as a side issue Charlie this caused quite the debate on social media at the weekend perhaps overshadowed the FA Cup final if anything Andy Burnham running around in his retro Everton shirt running in a football shirt retro or otherwise yes or no I've never done it and I never will do it they're not designed for it each potential for chafing right yeah on the nipples.

19:57If you're doing like a long run, you could be bleeding. Side issue, but I am always amazed at how bad some of the gear is that people wear. And I don't mean that in a like, oh, get some, spend more. I don't mean that at all. Genuinely terrible gear. I just mean people are wearing like fleeces and I'm like, you're going to get so hot so quickly. Like you're making it a lot harder for yourself than it needs to be. Don't wear a fleece. Don't wear a football shirt. Like I think a normal t-shirt would probably be better. You send a spad out to decathlon and just get some basics. Get you some good stuff.

20:28Charlie Eccleshare:I've said it so many times on this podcast, Dave, till I'm blue in the face. You wear a football shirt, you're going to be stuffy within 30 seconds. If you're going out for a run, you're dead. That's it. Dehydration awaits. It's no good. Next up, here's David Lammy, very firmly in the knowledge on Sky News that there's a World Cup in less than a month. When actually what they want is a government getting on with improving their lives. So yes, of course, now is the time to stop the own goals uh to get on the pitch to bust pass the ball amongst ourselves to play in the right direction to score some goals on behalf of the british public

21:08Charlie Eccleshare:did it just get steadily worse was there a particular highlight well what's the trajectory of that i really like that yeah just to make it clear on behalf i was happy to just keep it in the corner into the next election really. Dave there's been a fucking massive obsession with own goal scoring at the moment loads of politicians keep saying own goal the Guardian ran on one of those terrible political cartoons where a bunch of Labour MPs were trying to score in their own goal past Keir Starman he was like no this is our own goal it's like for fuck's sake. Well I think I mean he has probably scored a few political own goals in the last few years but Lammy's analogy there first of all he says stop scoring own goals then get on the pitch so were we on the pitch Should we score the own goals or not?

21:50And then he talks about sort of passing it around, which I actually think one of the things that, one of the problems that Keir Starmer has had is that he probably has been guilty of sort of just passing it around the back too much. Right, okay. He's going to need more verticality. Come on, we need a bit more verticality, Keir. Yeah, exactly. Playing it safe. Get it up there. I should say, I interviewed Lammy a few years ago because he's a big Spurs fan. And obviously, you know, is the MP there? Is the MP there? And I'd say he had decent sort of football knowledge. It didn't seem like he was particularly out of his depth.

22:24Charlie Eccleshare:But that's almost irrelevant, Charlie, because they have to then convey this kind of metaphor to the masses and it never works. But it's insane how much of a flurry we've seen in the last week or so. Do you think it's World Cup related? Do you think it's that mechanical thinking that goes on? I don't know. I mean, maybe it relates to coming towards the end of the season and they're aware there's a lot of talk about it. But I think with him, it's like a fairly natural frame of reference. But I don't know. I mean, there probably are some whose advisors will mention those kinds of things. While we're on the subject of politics, I was thinking about this the other day.

23:01So with Wes Streeting being in, you know, potentially being in the running to end up as prime minister, I thought it was like the first name Wes, having a prime minister called Wes, surely that is the most football coded name of any prime minister that we would ever have had like Wes Streeting you could imagine that being a player in like League One for Wigan or for you know for Crawley or something like that I am convinced we've done this I'm looking up

23:28Charlie Eccleshare:Listen Fair Play um and no it's not on there so there you go yeah but I completely agree Wes Streeting has the most League One name I can possibly think of I completely agree with you but what position does he play quite a centre-halfy Wes Streeting or a little diminutive number 10 so quite versatile name like a Wes Houlihan I think yeah that maybe that's what I'm thinking of there I was I was looking back through the uh the illustrious list of uh prime ministers of the UK and there are a couple that jump out you because there's a lot of obviously in the old days there's a lot of double-barreled names and stuff that sound completely ridiculous but not even cycling back to be england under 21s now maybe but alec douglas a little bit too posh i think for some of them but there's a lot of williams who can be if you if you sort of like william petty who was prime minister in 1782 like bill petty could have played in goal for wolves will petty's england rugby union sadly yeah but there's there's a there's um where is he like george canning could easily have played for west ham in the 60s that's like a fictional west ham player called George Canning but was in the 1966 World Cup squad but didn't play a single minute George Canning yeah yeah yeah exactly there's some bloke where is he I mean there's a lot of beside me he's had to sell his medal to keep him to keep his roof over his head there was Gazza in 1885 Robert Gascoigne Cecil that that's his nephew now yeah yeah I wonder if anyone called him Gazza yeah maybe check Hansard you must see whether it's in there oh come on Gazza the four of the obviously like the more modern you get like Tony Blair, no, John Major no, Gordon Brown, no Davey Cameron maybe could be like a player for hips or something.

25:10Davey Cameron Davey Cameron. There could be like a Lizzie Truss. I can imagine a women's footballer called Lizzie Truss.

25:15Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, either that or hockey, definitely. Yes, yeah, or women's rugby actually maybe Lizzie Truss. Dame Lizzie Truss Dame. I think if you had Maggie Truss Thatcher she could play for the Lionesses. Yeah this is good this dreamland hello all right anyway um funnily enough it's time for footballers names and things little one for you this is great came from jamie healy and he says uh your discussion of the of the dirt cheap drogba office furniture the other day reminded me of this ski gear manufacturer salomon do a junior pair of ski poles called caloo salomon caloo now this feels too neat to be a coincidence charlie but too obscure a player to be anywhere deliberate so what's happened here I don't know.

25:59I mean, different spelling, the Kalou, but that is odd. Yeah. I mean, Salomon as well. Are Salomon, are they French? I feel like they might be. I think so. I'm not sure. So I don't know if that would make them more or less aware of, I mean, yeah, it is a French brand. Check their whole range and see if they've got anything called Rondon in there. That sound quite ski-y.

26:23Charlie Eccleshare:I've got a pair of Rondons. Really improved my skiing game. Right, lots of instant reaction to Adam Wharton's goal celebration as he broke his duck for Crystal Palace on Sunday, Dave. Speculating here, but I think he might have the biggest games-to-backflip goal celebration ratio of all time. Very unexpected backflip. I think it's fair to say a lot of people did not think he was a backflipman. So he's played 147 senior games for Club and Country, scored five goals, celebrated only two of them with backflips. So two in 147. You definitely weren't expecting it. And his backflip was, I'll drop in a wrestling reference here, so you two may not get it.

27:05But it was very sort of Kurt Angle doing a moonsault. He didn't tuck his legs in. It was sort of kind of like a swan dive backwards. Do you know what I mean?

27:14Charlie Eccleshare:It was very elegant. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah, it sort of floated over rather than sprung over. Charlie. But yeah, just not the sort of player that should be doing backflip golf celebrations. I'm not saying it's morally wrong, it's just aesthetically very strange. What would the moral of the sport be? Overcelebrating sort of thing. Celebration police, I guess. We just associate it with players who are quick, right? I think. Like wingers or attackers who are quick and have got the pace to do the initial somersault and then the backflip. Whereas he's just a sort of graceful midfielder who doesn't, you know, is not particularly, it's not like getting around the pitch and covering every blade of grass.

27:54He's just somebody who's just like pinging passes around. You just don't expect them

27:57Charlie Eccleshare:to crack out a backflip. He celebrated his first Blackburn goal with a backflip. Didn't celebrate any of the other three with backflips, Charlie. I almost tried to go back and look at Blackburn under 18s to see if he did it against Stoke back in 2021 or whatever it was. Couldn't find the footage. So I don't know how consistent he is with it. In his interview, I was watching Match of the Day last night, He was obviously asked about it and he said, yeah, you know, I like to bring it out on special occasions. Given they've got a European final coming up, he's chosen to bring it out away at Brentford in a sort of dead rubber league game.

28:29Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, not the stage for it, but it was televised, barely, just about. On a similar note, Charlie, Will Asula bringing out a Michael Jackson glove and doing a little dance after scoring against West Ham at St James' Park on Sunday, had all the ingredients and did it duly deliver the most not sure about those dance moves moment on Sky Sports with Roy Keane? Could you construct a better situation but not sure about the dance moves than that? And then didn't Eddie Howe get asked about it as well? Oh really? I think so I think that was a sort of like will you be yeah will you be copying those moves Eddie?

29:03And then obviously yeah you can imagine what that would look like.

29:06Charlie Eccleshare:Oh no no stop making him answer questions about anything remotely entertaining. Don't like it. Speaking of entertaining things involving the North East, Southampton versus Middlesbrough's playoff semifinal. Obviously, the Spygate episode continues from there, but the game itself. I can see why this man said this. This is former Borough midfielder and indeed Southampton midfielder Neil Madison on co-commentary duty for BBC Tees. It's a Borough throwing, just short of halfway. Tunde Eckert down there. I don't like him.

29:42Charlie Eccleshare:I don't know. Just... Charlie, ignoring the kind of vested interest he has as a borough guy, it seems now, but I can see why the man on the street might have that instant opinion about Tundra Ecker. It's a very odd guy. There was that flip, wasn't there, of him doing the slightly psychopathic handshake looking quite blunt and then straight away it dropping. There is something quite sinister and scary about him. He did it again the other night. He was doing it at the end of the game. Yeah, he was like doing the old dap with his players, giving them the smile and then just switches it off. I mean, it's so weird.

30:15Charlie Eccleshare:I don't think the Premier League is ready for him. I don't think the Premier League is ready for him at all. Him and Herzl are sort of occupying the same sort of physical space and trying to out-awkward each other. I hope this is slightly odd, but this bloke takes it to a whole new level. Yeah, I'm interested to see. I think the FA or EFL charges may well hinge on him being an oddball more than anything else. But the main man at St. Mary's that night was Gary Weaver. Here he is for Southampton's winner. Southampton, rumble forward again. Oh, it's gone in.

30:56Look at this place. Just look at this place.

31:04Charlie Eccleshare:Definitely a Barry Davis reference. Dave, no doubt about it. Barry Weaver. Barry Weaver. Do you think he could have gone for it a little bit more with the emphasis if he was really going to try and pull it off? It is a slightly different emphasis, isn't it? Yeah, because it's not a, look at this place. Just look at this place. So, yeah, I don't know. Is he worried about getting sued? He's put his own spin on it. It's like a cover on the X Factor. Not quite as good, but at least you've tried. You've made it your own. If there's one thing we can't accuse Gary Weaver of, it's unoriginality, let's face it.

31:35Charlie Eccleshare:Like that man is his own man. I'm pleased that he pulled something like that out of the bag for that game. Because this is his natural home. We want him presiding over the dramatic moments in the EFL at this time of year. Because the other night, he was up north of the border. So Crocker had the Hearts game in midweek. And Weaver got Motherwell v Celtic. And when Ian Nacho scored the late penalty, Weaver just went, iconic scenes! iconic scenes don't say they're iconic make it iconic poor old Crocker when Hearts scored against Celtic in that incredible game at the weekend he was basically just speaking in full stops it was amazing

32:42Charlie Eccleshare:just like at each word on a different line it just it's a mad commentary style but it somehow works. Anyway, this episode of Football Clichés is brought to an association with Saley, a new eSIM service app from the creators of NordVPN. Listeners, I'll admit to a frisson of excitement when I land in a foreign country. My phone slowly finds a signal and the unfamiliar name of the local network operator finally appears at the top of my screen. But after that excitement, usually comes fear about the charges I'll rack up if I use my data abroad. But these days, I don't have that fear because I can download Saley.

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33:50Charlie Eccleshare:Full details are in the episode description or simply visit salie.com slash cliches. We'll be back very shortly.

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35:41Charlie Eccleshare:Welcome back to Football Clichés. This is the adjudication panel. A reminder first, though, you can sign up for Dreamland for just£5.99 a month. For that, you'll get ad-free listing of all of our episodes, plus two episodes a month of Dreamland, our exclusive show. Other things as well, episode 23 of Dreamland is on the way. Dave hacking away at the edit in and around this episode. And in the background, Colin just keeps coding new quiz formats, some of which I think you'll really enjoy. So we're going to be rolling out, get them on the Discord first as a little sort of test period, I think. A little beta phase on the Discord.

36:15Charlie Eccleshare:You can almost see the cogs wearing in his brain sometimes, Dave. You suggest some sort of element of football trivia and then about half an hour later, he's coded a quiz out of it. He's an incredible man. That's why he's the man he is. Yes. Right, a trailer dropped the other day, Dave, for Dear England, the TV adaptation of James Graham's stage play coming to iPlayer next week. Joseph Fiennes plays Gareth Southgate in this one. Let's have a little snippet of that trailer. Dear England, what I want to speak about is much bigger than football. A new story, New England. Keep believing, keep going right up until the final whistle because one day you will look back and give anything to be back here.

37:02Come on, England! Come on!

37:05Charlie Eccleshare:Now, aware as I am that we should always rise above sort of deep analysis of how actors perform voices and likenesses of the people that they're portraying, I'm going to say his voice is a solid 6.5, 7 out of 10. But could he look more like Gareth Southgate? It's incredible. They gave him a prosthetic nose, which I think is incredibly funny. But beyond that, I mean, it's absolutely bang on. He's spindly. He's got a big, long face. He is really good. You've seen it as well, haven't you, Dave? The stage show, yeah. And he is. I mean, it's an incredible performance from him. Right. Like he really does.

37:37Some of the mannerisms he really nails. He has got the mannerisms right. And obviously when you're seeing him perform it live, it's sort of all the more impressive. My concern, having seen the play and seen this trailer, is that it just, they were able on stage to basically not bother with the football bits. Like they had a reasonably sort of creative way of doing the football bits where the players would like come to the front of the stage and like pretend to kick a penalty. and it's in that environment it sort of works because it's you know it's it's a play we are aware that it's all there and you can't obviously you can't have a match on stage whereas in a drama they're going to have to do a bit more than that and it looks like from the trailer that there's sort of they're still going to try and use that sort of stylized kind of out of context player in under a spotlight yeah sort of dark stadiums inexplicably dark stadiums yeah inevitably Possibly there's going to be some stuff that's like in the dressing room on location and it's all going to have to be that much more realistic and authentic than the stage play.

38:37And I feel that's that's the challenge that they might not. Yeah. And also just like some of the other characters, like it's not met. They shouldn't all look exactly like them and sound exactly like them. Like it's great that Gareth Southgate does, but the others don't. And a lot of them are some of the characters are kind of played for laughs and are clearly exaggerated versions. You know what will happen in this is that he doesn't look anything like Harry Kane. He doesn't sound anything like Jordan Pickford.

38:59Charlie Eccleshare:Different level of scrutiny on the team. And also, the simple fact is when you're at the theatre, you can't see them as well and as clearly, and that's good. You don't want to see that this guy looks not very like Harry Kane. Over to the real-world England team. A scarcely believable story hitting the sun on Monday morning. Dave, on me bed sun, the headline says. FA sending soft mattress toppers to US for pampered three Lions aces. This is a really soft opening to England's HQ woes, isn't it, really? It's a bit of a mattress topper. Yeah, I mean, this is old hat, though, isn't it? I remember everyone making a fuss about Dave Browsford giving the cyclist pillows, like however many years ago that was now.

39:42I guess it's sort of par for the course, isn't it?

39:44Charlie Eccleshare:Charlie, I do realise this is the sun, so none of these words have any significance whatsoever. But at what point does pampered become sports performance? like there's such a thin line it really is in the eye of the beholder isn't it it's true because there's probably a happy medium but on the on one extreme there's pampered on the other there's the wow isn't this an elite athlete you know that he leaves nothing to chance and this is you know and it's exactly that thing of like if a team does well then it's part of the this is the genius marginal gains they have nothing to chance if they do badly it's part of the pampered overprivileged indulgence angle you can't win anything they slept too well exactly they were Were they too rested?

40:24Charlie Eccleshare:Speaking of which, inside the story, Dave, like we joke, inside the story, obviously, it's one of those stories where they have to keep finding new ways to describe the same thing over and over again. And one of the phrases they used was world-class shut-eye. What I'd do for a bit of world-class shut-eye right now. Do you have a good sleep? I had a world-class shut-eye. I can tell you. Next up, I love this tweet from Alfie Charlie. He says, is James Madison the most likely to grow his hair out after lengthly injury player ever? Why do players do this? Well, I called a few years ago. I said, I think James Madison is not someone who's going to take his hair loss lying down.

41:04And I think I've been well and truly vindicated. He had hair transplant written all over him from quite a young age. Thinning hair seems like, you know, isn't not preoccupied by his performance, by his appearance, put it that way. and obviously then you've got like lots of time out. You've got this new luscious hair. You're going to grow it. It's a good time to do it. Yeah, exactly. Show it all off.

41:29Charlie Eccleshare:I can sort of see the vague logic, Dave, of why long-term injured players will just suddenly grow their hair out of nowhere. I mean, Kovacic, for example, she keeps popping up on the touchline. Who is this guy? Why have you got suddenly quite long, luscious hair? It kind of makes sense. Boredom? They've been working so hard. New chapter? So dedicated that they've kind of stopped worrying about superficial things like that. But then on the flip side, you could also see if he came back with a one all over, it's a fresh start. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, certain hairstyles certainly suggest different mindsets.

42:05Charlie Eccleshare:But yeah, it must just be boredom. I need something else to do. I need to come back a changed man. Next up, this came from Matthew Robinson. It's the latest FIFA scandal I'm sad to report. It's from their highlights of Bulgaria 1, Holland 4 at the 1974 World Cup. The perils of re-recorded commentary. Ball played in, headed into the corner, and it's Theo de Jong the substitute. That is the three points, that is the group win. Just two points for a win at the 1974 World Cup. You can see how it's happened. Because this isn't just a factual thing, Charlie. The three points are kind of sacred, kind of figurative thing in football.

42:48Charlie Eccleshare:And yeah, you can see how this might have crept in. FIFA. Do we need the 1974 World Cup to be revoiced? What purpose is that serving, really? The weird thing is, this is actually a clip from a video of all of Holland's goals at the 1974 World Cup, like officially published by FIFA. And some of the goals have Barry Davis on commentary on the original TV broadcast. And some of them have, I'm going to say, this bloke, who I actually have failed to identify, over the top of someone else. So I don't know. I don't know what's going on there. But yeah, I agree with you. What? Why? Would you mind doing Bulgaria 1, Holland 4 in that booth today?

43:25Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, sure. Three points. Are they doing research? Are they coming around with notes for this game? Absolutely no idea. But yeah, good work if you can get it. We were talking about Celtic earlier, weren't we? and they kept their title hopes alive last week with a late winner at Motherwell in absurd circumstances. I think we can all agree. But Ant Olsen says that it was said that Kelechi Iheanacho had popped up from the penalty spot, Charlie. Can you pop up from the spot? I don't think you can. I'm all for this. Yeah, it's too premeditated. Right place, right time. You just fell to me and I hit it.

44:00Johnny on the spot. There's a spot on the pitch.

44:02Charlie Eccleshare:No, you can't pop up. You can't pop up from the spot unless... A real knack. And this is one of those situations, Dave, where someone else has looked after the ball for ages. They put it down and then you run up and take it. Popped up last minute. Yeah. That'll be unsporting conduct and a yellow card, so you can't do that either. We were also speaking about Sean Dyche earlier and about his job prospects for the new season. Well, he's embracing sports science again, it's fair to say. Getting into his Instagram stride. I was watching Sky Sports News and they were debating about Man United and how they'd got data involved to work out they weren't scoring enough goals.

44:32And they signed Kuna and Bueno. I thought that was quick maths. You don't have to count the goals. Anyways, here's one for you coaches and possible managers of the future. If you're looking at your team or your players, your outfield players this is, and you're putting down your team on a piece of paper, barring the odd young lad who's developing, count how many goals that team's got in it and how much possible chances to create goals. If there aren't a lot, don't be surprised when that team doesn't create and score a lot. if there's a lot don't be surprised when it does there's not always rocket science and data trust me

45:10Charlie Eccleshare:obviously Charlie this is like a really annoying thing for him to have said but it's a slight deviation from the Deich norm because normally he supplies really sort of inarguable football truths and says well you know football's simple in this case he's introduced quite a lot of nuance into this scenario you look at your team and decide how many potential goal scoring or sort of creation is in there oh how do you do that Yeah, I think there's a word for that, Sean.

45:39Charlie Eccleshare:Well, this is the point, Dave, because he's suggesting that Man United signed Kunio Mbwemo just because they'd scored quite a few goals previous season. But I think because they both overperformed their XG, I think. So it was Man United looking at players who were statistically very good at scoring their chances. because he's, I want to see this Sky Sports segment he's referring to because he's saying that they said Man United looked at data and worked out they weren't scoring enough goals, which I'm sure he's oversimplified. He must be. That's quite helpful with him, isn't it? But yeah, it's a real further step.

46:14Charlie Eccleshare:This video challenge just feels slightly unnecessary because it's not like he's in an interview and he's been egged on. He's doing this off his own back. It gives you an insight, doesn't it? Can you imagine being a member of his staff and having to kind of be a bit of a yes man with Sean Dyche. Worrying him stoney. Yeah, being worrying him stoney. While he's, you can just imagine his posture as he sort of puts his feet up on the desk and like stretches back to be like, yeah, funny, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Complicated game, isn't it? And they're having to sort of like laugh along like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

46:45See, yeah, see much of the day on the weekend. I've been in that very situation with him this year. We did a podcast with him and he was a guest. And unprompted, he sat down when he first came into the room, when we were having a chat before going on, just started moaning about players using massage guns. And you sort of have to go, yeah. The potential dangers of, or just woke nonsense. Woke nonsense. Right. What's the point of them? Why aren't they just get out there and train? Why do they have to have a session on a massage gun before they go out and all that stuff?

47:18Charlie Eccleshare:Sure, and I've got the most entry-level massage gun on the market, and I can tell you it's fucking amazing. I use it when he'll be advertising for one before long about yeah so he believes this stuff that's the thing like because you you sort of think is this an act is he trying to play into it no he he genuinely has got to the stage where he's fed up with this this this and this about modern football and he's you know now he's taking to himself to go put it out there oh well his West Ham hopes fading um over to the Coventry Telegraph yet again Charlie with their latest headline Frank Lampard Coventry City scenario instantly shut down amid what turns his head unknown.

47:54I genuinely find these really hard. Again, like last time, I find it quite hard to make sense of that. So...

47:59Charlie Eccleshare:I mean, the quote marks around what turns his head are doing a lot of grammatical lifting there, aren't they? Have you read the story? Like, what is... No. What is going on here? Okay. So... Let's try and work it out. So, presumably, the scenario is him leaving Coventry City or staying. Oh. It's been shut down because they don't know what turns his head. That's it. Right, okay. So quite the headline. Is this the same guy who wrote the last one? Yeah, well, same outlet, certainly. I don't know what's going on at the Coventry Telegraph. Explanations, please. Ideally from the outlet themselves.

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50:21Charlie Eccleshare:Mike Bailey writes in next Dave and says I've spent the last few days in Innsbruck on Friday evening I watched SV Howell versus Essie Stubbein in the Tyrol League a group of lads behind me were talking in German obviously throughout the first half when one threw in a leave the football before the football leaves you in flawless English Why this sentence was singled out for English pronunciation is beyond me. Is this phrase now pan-European? I mean, I love the idea that Carragher's coining of this phrase has got into kind of global consciousness. Is it big enough, do you think? Is it profound enough?

50:53Well, it definitely landed, and it was a really nice line that encapsulated not just that scenario, but just made sense for any scenario like that. But it hasn't aged very well, because the football very much came back to Casemiro.

51:08Charlie Eccleshare:Oh yeah, he had to do a Mia Culper column for The Telegraph, didn't he? Saying, look, I've got it slightly wrong, but it didn't quite go the whole way, did he, Charlie? Which is quite funny. Yeah, I mean, it probably, yeah, it probably did do enough numbers to enter the kind of wider footballing language. Great. Yeah, I wish I'd heard that. It would have been great. It's time for Keys in Grey Corner.

51:42Ford Super Sunday.

51:46Leave Qatar before Qatar leaves you. But it'll never leave me, Andy.

51:52Charlie Eccleshare:Yeah, well, maybe. Now, Keezy's promise to retreat into the social media shadows, as he put it, well, it's not happened. He's been back in London. He's back in Qatar again after that. So he's doing some serious crisscrossing. How is he doing that? I don't know. I mean, I am aware of the existence of airplanes, but it does seem odd. Gorgeous little airline Qatar Airways. He was back in London anyway, posting his Instagram stories. Number one, here he is in Kensington, sitting down for a nice cup of tea. Pilates by Bryony.

52:26I know you're thinking. It's good for old men. Keeps you flexible. The blog will be out shortly. Have a look. I'm often asked why do you write a blog well the answer is because I can and because I liked him I am in no way as good as the likes of posh Henry or Sammy Martin Samuel maybe should mention in the same sentence a little bit of controversy wasn't it when Sammy joined the times but I grew up with both of them when the baby's neck and went on to be really really top writers Oliver brown there's another who i like so i'm nowhere near that class i'm more crash bang and wallop but i enjoy it and if it um if it aims me to noise a few up then it's very worth

53:18Charlie Eccleshare:charlie it's interesting to hear him sort of directly address some of his other activities like the blogs first time i've ever heard him sort of mention it anywhere this is good news for the next chapter of Keezy, I think. Yeah, and also Posh Henry, just dropping that in. Yeah, good self-awareness from him as well, describing his writing style as Crash Bang Wallop. Yeah, I'm glad in a way, though, Dave, because it means we did wonder if he was going to ever be under some sort of illusion about his writing skills, and he's not, he's quite humble about it. He is just dumping his thoughts onto a page, often recycled from his broadcasting a few hours before.

53:53Charlie Eccleshare:So it's good to know that we're not dealing with a complete delusional idiot here. Yeah, I like as well this kind of current era of him taking to Instagram. I'd say he's doing it a little bit more successfully than Sean Dyche. He's kind of out and about. He was wearing a cap in this video. I mean, he's looking a bit like a food blogger. Pilates with Bryony. That was the cap. He's got his own branded cap from his Pilates instructor. Class. but as much as he does say that like i bet privately with the blogging thing it is a bit like that brent line of like you know i'm sure texas couldn't run and manage a successful paper merchants i can do what actually i could do what they do and i think they knew that back then probably what spurred them on like i bet he does think you know deep down if i really ever go of it i could push sammy and posh henry yeah maybe but i also i love the stubbornness just inherent in his voice there people ask me why i do it because i can and i want to so fuck off anyway here's video number two which starts with him chuckling at a swan on the serpentine and then producing one of the top three segues of his career

55:05uh london's serpentine which is beautiful at this time of the day um

55:14london's greatest city in the world I don't know what you're thinking, Barcelona or Paris or Rome, beautiful. Istanbul, love Istanbul. But there's nothing quite like London. Now this is for my sister in Australia, Lorraine, who... Coventry born and bred, Lorraine like me. Two home births, can you believe that? In the late 60s, my mum was giving birth twice, which is for the time. Staggering. Anyway, to business, a fallout from the decision that West Ham continues a pace.

56:01Charlie Eccleshare:It's not quite what's the top kit of all time, but it's so close. It's us seeing the blog happen in real time. That's how his mind works. Oh, God. 60s home births to the fallout West Hampton Stadium. I wonder what she thinks about it all. Wow. Yeah. Well, Lorraine, she's a big defender of his, isn't she? Hasn't she kind of broken her silence? No, it's Susan Keyes. Oh, is it? Or somebody else. I don't know who, because I think you might have two sisters then because it's Susan Keyes. Yeah. And I don't know, unless she goes by the name of Susan, Lorraine, I don't know. But yeah, we're peeling back the curtain of his life a little bit.

56:39Charlie Eccleshare:And I say again, Dave, I'm excited about what's coming next. I think, well, just by the virtue of the fact of how much he's around, but the chances of, I'd say me, rather than you two, running into him at some point in London. I don't know, he might play a bit of paddle in Surrey. I don't play paddle, just to be absolutely clear, but I will. The only thing missing there, I just wish he'd refer to the swan as like this little fella or something like that. Like, I hope you enjoyed as much as this little fella seems to be. Gorgeous little animal. Lovely little pan down to the swan and a little chuckle.

57:10Charlie Eccleshare:oh there she is anyway tremendous stuff keep it coming Keezy thanks to you Charlie Eccleshare thanks to you David Walker thanks to everyone for listening we'll be back on Thursday see you then

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