The Commentators' View: Macc magic & the Arctic awaits!

28:49That would be good. I'll tell you, just on that, by the way, you will see more of this than I do. But isn't it? Ian's on the phone. He's on the phone, but he's not turned his mic off. Disrespectful. Oh, dear, I do. He has now. You'll know more about this than me with, you know, the sort of kids' football that you see. how funny is it when they do that like the kids the kids do it yeah who are they thinking is going to be lip reading them I know I hope that's not Ian taking a call from Nathan with the answers to this quiz might be from might be Statman Dave ringing him with the answers now then Dave has actually sent me his WhatsApp chat during the hours that Ian's accused him of sending answers to Chris Sutton to prove that he wasn't doing that that's how far this is going anyway let's get on with Clash of the Commentators we've already discussed this in the pod today.

29:36Tuesday night's VAR delay in the Newcastle-Manchester City match for Semenyo's disallowed goal was five minutes and 40 seconds, which was the third longest delay since the technology was brought in. Today, I want you to shout out anything you can do in the space of five minutes and 40 seconds. It could be anything at all. We just need a different verb for each action. That's why this is left field, John. Do you know what you've got to do here? I think so. Okay, I can't give you any more than that. So this is anything you can do in less than five minutes and 40 seconds. Different verb for each action.

30:15So once you've used a verb, that's gone. You can't use the same verb again. Your time starts now. Okay, clean the car, brush your teeth, walk the dog, go on a very short hike, eat an ice cream scrape ice off the car window make a sandwich consume a sandwich open a packet of crisps and then munch them

30:51right now listen producer Nathan is going to have to help me with this I'm not getting this in the neck this week for ruling out certain answers of what's allowed and what isn't allowed. Clean the car. I mean, are you getting that done in under five minutes and 40 seconds? Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that is a quick clean. Don't waste any time doing that. Brush teeth, I'll accept. Dog walk, that's a tiny dog walk job. It is tiny dog walk, but might have a tiny dog. This is up to Nathan. Short hike. Might have a tiny dog. I'm not... Ice cream, definitely good. Ice off the car window, I think, good.

31:23You then had make a sandwich and consume a sandwich. which is cynical gameplay, but absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And open a bag of crisps. So Nathan will tell me how many you've got right. I'm going to leave that for now. I'm going to let Nathan sort that out. I'm not taking the blame. I'm not having it. I'm not having it. Right, let's give Ian the thumbs up. He's finished his phone call. How do you think he's going to do on this one? I think this might flummox him. Blimey, how long was that? I know. I know. I thought you'd just continue the pod without me for a minute. I would have been away that long.

31:49Just you wait, Henry Higgins. Right, Ian. Tuesday night's VAR delay you were there at St James' Park in the Newcastle Manchester City match for Semenyo's disallowed goal 5 minutes and 40 seconds today's category you need to shout out anything you can do in the space of 5 minutes and 40 seconds anything what? any activity anything you can do in the space of 5 minutes and 40 seconds keep it clean could be anything at all but once you've used a verb so we're looking at verbs here really but you can't use the same verb twice. But any activity you can do in the space of five minutes and 40 seconds.

32:29Bit of lateral thinking required here. John's come up with some good answers. This isn't football related. I knew you'd have an issue with this. Just get on with it. I knew it. Just get on with it. Your time starts now. Well, you can cook. You can walk. You can run. You can have sex. You can drink. You can eat.

32:55you can go to the toilet you can drive your car you can go to the shop watch tv okay route one in very route one from you i mean classic just just went straight verbs john went with a little bit more description like taking the dog for a walk and cleaning the frost off the car window you've literally just gone cook walk run eat can i just say before the scores are in that is the worst topic yet well hang on a minute you might win yet i don't care okay okay okay your feelings have been made clear uh let me just uh bring up the scores drum roll please right all the correct answers uh are in bold um so john wasn't allowed consume or munch because you already had eat.

33:48It's two different... It's a different word, but it's the same action. Well, listen, don't take it up with me. That goes to Nathan. That's not right, though. John, you had seven correct answers. Ian has been allowed cook, walk, run, have, drink, eat, go to toilet, not been allowed go to shop, been allowed watch TV, drive was allowed, which takes Ian's score to eight. Oh, hang on a minute. And Ian gets the win. That's not right. I don't wish to be funny, John, but I agree with you that still my grievances about the topic stand. However, eat, consume, munch are a different answer. Well, Ian wins 8-7.

34:36John and I still on 4 from 11. Ian's 9 from 11. That is highly debatable. And that, without question, will provoke a reaction. Yeah. Yeah. TCV at BBC.co.uk. And I have a strong feeling we're going to be revisiting that next week. Okay. Right. Are you suggesting we need a VAR? Yeah. A VAR-based topic? I think we need a seven-day VAR check on that one. Okay. We're still waiting for the two-week VAR check for the Christmas quiz. Still not let it go. Right. Let's move on to the glossary. You chaps are going to enjoy the glossary today. We've had some great emails. Remember, you can find the entire glossary in the episode description because there are still some in that episode description that still need to be placed in Division 1 or Division 2.

35:25So go and have a look at that. So Division 1 is football exclusive terms, Division 2, terms used in football commentary, but also used in other sports. First one is a voice note. Last time out, we agreed to keep Blaze over the bar in Division 1, despite pressure from Aussie Kane in Belgium to demote it to Division 2. Well, this time, on this one, Fran in Canada's got in touch. Hello, the commentator's view. This is Fran, all the way from Vancouver in Canada. Irish lad living over here. Love the podcast, lad. Been listening to it since day one. by accident I won't lie because you came up on my football daily feed and I was had nothing else to listen to and I was like ah this will have to do and I've been in love with it ever since one thing I will say though for the glossary well blaze over the bar I'm pretty sure that's being used loads in GAA the old Gaelic football and hurling they blaze it over the bar for a point I've like honest to God, if I heard that saying my whole life, there has to be a div too, because no way that can be div one.

36:35You know, you're completely disregarding the Irish people now, which is an absolute terrible thing to be doing. We blazing over the Barber points, left, right and centre. Anyway, lads, hope all is well. Happy New Year and all that fun stuff. That's our accidental listener, Fran. I mean, where's Conor McNamara when you need him? If you've been on the episode. Yeah, that was great from Fran. wasn't it? There is obviously the chance we could go to Vancouver isn't there at the World Cup That's a convincing case though by Fran It is a very convincing case Div 2 It's got to be relegation We can't disregard as Fran says all of the people of Ireland No So that's a relegation for Blaze Over the Bar into Division 2 What's next?

37:22Well last week we also added Barbra's turns on a sixpence into Division 2 But this week, Bob in Enfield writes in, Dear TCV crew, he says, Without wishing to extend the remit of your excellent podcast into the realm of international politics, I thought you'd like to know about an unlikely use in the newscast pod on BBC Sounds from the eminent guest, Sir Lawrence Friedman, Emeritus Professor of War Studies at King's College London. The difficulty, and we have many with Trump, he's sort of an unreliable commentator on his own administration. You're never quite sure what's going to happen next with him because he turns on a sixpence on a particular issue.

38:11One day he's crossed with Zelensky, the next day he's crossed with Putin. His say, just to take the example of Venezuela. Bob says, although it's very difficult to imagine the US president performing such a manoeuvre on the football pitch, I feel the professor's eloquent use of the phrase in his analysis serves only to confirm its status in Division 2 of the glossary. P.S. With the FA Cup third round taking place, as I write, I feel that it would be a good time to move my glossary submission, we've got a cup tie on our hands, into Division 2 from its current, rather sad, unsorted status. So there we are.

38:51Thank you, Bob. I wasn't expecting when we discussed the use of turns on a sixpence last week that Donald J. Trump would come into the reckoning. Yeah, but that is a great contribution. So that definitely drops into Div 2. And cup tie on our hands also obviously has to be in Div 2 because there's plenty of other sports where you'll have a game on your hands or a cup tie on your hands. Anyway, last week's additions to Division 1 were back to square one. We had a good discussion on that. cultured left foot in behind park the bus and roy of the rovers stuff john and i know you're kicking yourself having been at the moss rose that you didn't use roy of the rovers it occurred to me i think on either sunday or monday having had the discussion on the friday about the phrase roy of the rovers stuff i then saw one of the greatest examples of roy of the rovers stuff and didn't use it.

39:49That is a glaring mistake. But how many times does that happen to you two where you're driving away from a game and you're sort of like going back through things in your mind and you go, oh, I should have said that. Or I forgot to say this. It happens all the time, doesn't it? I have a great appreciation of listening to other commentators live coming up with, not necessarily Roy of the Rover stuff, but brilliant phrases right when it happens. That's a really difficult thing to do. And it's so easy, isn't it, afterwards to go, yeah, could have said that, could have said that, could have said that.

40:22But I think when people do come up with the, you know, like, I mean, we keep talking about it this season, but you're Rice Rice Baby. You know, the Bon Mo at the right time, perfectly timed. It's when they happen and you hear them, they are, you know, I love them. I love them. Do you find that, I think probably like any job, I find I have days when I feel I'm on form behind the microphone as in words are coming the vocabulary is there and I can find the right words to describe it there's other days when I'm off form and I just I just keep feeling I'm saying the same thing or can't find the right words or I'm two seconds behind the action do you have that yes absolutely yeah quite a lot actually good I'm glad I'm glad I'm not the only one and also we should say There was Claret, John, in the game, wasn't there?

41:11Because Paul Dawson, because we were talking about Claret on the shirt last week and the Claret shirts, et cetera, et cetera. But also in terms of the name, you know, well, Paul Dawson, because he featured so heavily in that cup tie, it is a name now that will go down, won't it, in years to come where we talk about the likes of Ronnie Radford and Roy Essendow. And, you know, it's going to be one of those FA Cup names, I think, isn't it? That was superb. and back at Borough on X. Bakeup, Ali. Bakeup. Bakeup. How do you know that? It's Bakeup. It is? Yeah. Okay. And Bakeup Borough on X. Whether it's the blazing sunshine of the Marra Cana or the freezing temperatures of Macclesfield, John Murray never loses his passion for the sport.

41:58The one thing that I should mention here is, and the one thing that will niggle me always, even though I've got so many great memories and already from last weekend is the niggle that you will also recognise. And if there's any place to mention it, it's here on this podcast, The Commentator's View, because I got the name wrong of the winning goal scorer during the commentary. Richard can't get it away. Could bounce anywhere. This inside the area. Mellor goes down. Referee waves it away. Still in the area. Mellor gets up, shoots, comes out to the edge of the box. Left foot in shot, deflected Mellor.

42:34Oh, it's going in! It's going in! It's 2-0. Oh, the place goes absolutely mad. Macclesfield are winning 2-0 against Crystal Palace. Miller stuck out a leg. It rolled agonisingly past Benitez. This is a strange one because we actually had a great view where we were. It was a really good commentary position at Macclesfield. And it was also at our end as well. but and also i had a clear view of the winning goal scorer isaac buckley ricketts he was wearing seven i saw seven but i called the name of the number nine and in the immediate aftermath you know i actually didn't realize it's just the name came out the name came out and it was paul robinson who did clock it and and paul said immediately it's you know buckley ricketts and And I'm like, it was like, I was thinking, how did I get that wrong?

43:33I saw the number. You know, very often when you get the goal scorer wrong, which of course is one of the things that as a commentator you do not want to do, that, you know, very often when that happens, you can't see and you haven't seen and you're not sure and you call the wrong goal scorer. This one, I don't know how I came out with the wrong name. But it was one of those, if you've seen the goal, it's a real rat-a-tat, isn't it? It rattles around the box. And then a very strange goal as well, because Buckley Ricketts stretches out his leg, it hits his heel, goes at a crazy deflection past Benitez into the back of the net.

44:07And it was also a great goal from that point of view, because it was one where you can actually still say something as the ball's heading in, because it's not going in at pace. Is it going in? It's going in. So there is that little niggle about not getting the correct name for the winning goal scorer in a match like that. We've all been there, definitely, John. But I have to say, I mean, Ian and I both listened to it. I don't know about you, Ian, but I didn't even notice that at the time. I didn't. No. That's interesting. Yeah, didn't notice it. But in terms of that description of the goal, John, what was so brilliant about the description of that goal was it was one of those where I watched the goal later.

44:44It was exactly as I'd imagined it, as in, you know, the ball, they couldn't get the ball clear. And you're thinking, this is getting close to goal, but is this going to go over the line? And you could almost feel that ball making its way towards the net, as you described it. I think maybe, you know, probably didn't pick up on that because obviously for many people, Macclesfield's players are unfamiliar names. And so therefore one name could easily be another name. And also I was trying to work out how it was that I did that. You know, as I often say on here, it's incredible in this job how even though we've done it now, all of us for such a long time, things happen to you on such a regular basis that have never happened to you before.

45:26and that was one of them. And I was trying to think, they are a very good team to commentate on, Macclesfield, because they're very distinctive. They've got a lot of players who look very differently and that's exactly what you want from a match like that when you're covering what is an unfamiliar team. And I think maybe I was lulled in by thinking, you know, they were as good to commentate on as I thought. But anyway, but that niggle also reflects the high standards that you set. During the course of the match, I'm having to say to myself, move on, forget about it. And one thing I would say is I'm quite good at that.

46:12You know, you make a mistake. And it's a bit like cricket, I think, as a batsman. You know, it's gone. You know, the ball's gone. You've played the shot, whether it's a good shot, bad shot. you've played it it's gone and the other thing i would say as well is you know obviously the goals and the sendings off and the moments of drama are the moments that get replayed as the clips the little bits but for me what i loved about that commentary on saturday and all the football commentaries i listened to on the radio is i'm listening to the whole piece i want to be transported to the stadium and i'm there for 90 minutes two hours and if there's a scrappy goal and the goal score isn't quite right or whatever that doesn't that doesn't bother me at all as i I mean, obviously you want to get the score right and who's winning and losing and all that.

46:56But it's the whole piece for me. That's what I think. I should say here, if you want tickets to either the men's or women's FA Cup finals in May, Radio 1 is giving you the chance to win them. Tune in to Radio 1's weekend breakfast on BBC Sounds from 7 o 'clock on Saturday morning to find out more. Entries close at 8.15 on the morning of Sunday the 18th. For the full T's and C's, just search Radio 1 on socials and follow the link in their bio. And I'm pleased we've mentioned that as well, because I know Radio 1's Greg James gave the commentary a nice mention earlier on this week as well. So I'm always happy to do a bit of cross-promotion.

47:34I mean, there are various other sporting prizes they're giving away as well over the course of January. And on Macclesfield, Joseph, Rubin and Lottie from Palmer's Green have sent us a voice note. Dear Ali, John and Ian, after that spectacular third round FA Cup weekend, And two phrases spring to mind, similar to Paul Dawson's header. So introduced by one familiar voice. And into Div 1, I suspect, or I hope, is... Magic of the FA Cup. Thank you, Ruin. That's magic of the FA Cup. And into Div 2, introduced by Lottie... Giant. Giant killing. That's giant killing. What I would also like to mention is after Hawke Chapman never forgets to miss a beat is I was wondering what your thoughts were of him introducing the halftime analysis with his hood up.

48:28The second is my concern for Glenn Murray and his shaking hand. Get that man some gloves. Very nice to hear from Joseph Rubin and Lottie again. Let's deal with those one by one. So magic of the FA Cup, that has to be Div 1 because the FA Cup is a football competition. Giant killing, though, could happen. Or as Lottie said, guyant killing. Yes, yes. That has to be Div 2. Yeah, that has to be Div 2, doesn't it? Because you can have giant killing in other sports. Mark Chandler with his hood up. Did he have his hood up, did he? Didn't see that because I was listening to the radio. Well, he did say to me in the aftermath of Macclesfield, he was disappointed I didn't go and say hello to him.

49:15To which I said, well, I'm disappointed you didn't come and say hello to us. Good point. Did you see his recent appearance on Would I Lie to You? I did not. That's very good. Catch it. Catch it on the BBC iPlayer. Bob Mortimer is on the show, which always makes for a very good Would I Lie to You. And Glen Murray, yes, I saw a few people mentioning Glen Murray didn't seem to have quite the level of clothing on required for the temperatures. He doesn't do the cold very well, does he, brother?

49:44Do you know, it was actually much colder at Derby on Sunday for me than it was on Saturday at Macclesfield. The difference being, at Derby, we actually had spare seats next to us, so I had a gap in the seat between me and Gary, the producer, and me and Curtis Davis. and as soon as there's a gap, the wind gets in. George and Clapham, hi team. Can I offer the draft excluder as a potential Division 1 glossary term? Weirdly, as I'm writing this, it's just been used on Five Live by Michael Brown alongside Chris Coles. And this is an opportunity for Burnley, having been 1-0 up and 2-1 down, to go 3-2 up.

50:24The left foot from Edwards is straight at the wall, Michael, and in the end, much ado about very little. Yeah, he earned it. Great feat on the edge of the area. There's a few challenges. The referee let go. It's lucky there. Cunha is the draft excluder waiting. Then Casemiro jumps well, blocks it. George continues. Maybe the draft excluder might be used in sailing or another windy aerodynamic sport, but it doesn't seem likely. I can't imagine any human being willing to lie down during a hockey match either. On a personal note, I find the spectacle of someone lying on the floor during a free kick really amateurish and irritating.

50:57What do you think? And from working in and around football, is it effective or just a trend that will die out eventually just realized as i type this it's also an unintended pub name i suppose the draft excluder could be in the guinness world record books as the coziest pub ever in some nordic country where everything is triple glazed and airtight although if there's no draft i suppose it might have to be a wine or cocktail bar i'll tell you if i see the draft excluder in bordeaux next week George also says, blimey, George has gone on a bit here. Because I can't send an email without a cricket reference, I just wanted to mention a favourite intended pub name near me in Kennington, near the Oval, the Dog House.

51:38I chuckle every time at the prospect of someone saying they're in the Dog House, probably for bunking off to watch. Sorry, I do like an in the Dog House. They're in the Dog House. I think I've heard of that pub before. Right. Although I have not been there. We've already heard from Paul in Adelaide, but this one is from John in Adelaide. Hello, Adelaide again. We're big in Adelaide, aren't we? Thanks for the great podcast, says John. I've been a regular listener since the start. Another one. And I always appreciate your calming influence and connection to my distant home on a sunny Saturday morning here in Adelaide, Australia.

52:17A couple of suggestions for the great glossary of football commentary. both skills intimately linked to iconic players the elastico perfected by the great Ronaldinho and the Trevella forever linked to Riccardo Quaresma surely these are both division one terms question mark from John in Adelaide I wouldn't have heard them in another sport I mean if you're an Ipswich fan Trevella you go Wes Burns goal of the season in the championship a couple of seasons ago with the outside of the right foot of portman road which was an absolute cracker but yeah and chris sutton always has a great laugh about the story i tell of my time playing football in a town square in peruja once and there was this very very good algerian chap who joined our game and did me with an elástico and chris found that absolutely hilarious because i promise you it was a proper elástico i'd never seen i'd never been on the receiving end of an elástico before but literally the ball went one way and then the other because sean has got in touch and says on the elastico the elastico is spanish for elastic and gives the impression of a player controlling the ball using elastic oh he says there's also el sombrero which is a skill where a player flicks the ball up and over their head and is literally nicknamed the hat there we go then i've not used the sombrero before yeah and uh the the traveller yeah which i have to say is not a phrase that i would be likely to use personally.

53:43That was also suggested to us by 15-year-old Herb in Sheffield. So thanks very much to you, Herb. And it is, Ali, a Treveller? So Treveller's outside of your foot. And actually thinking about this, there are lots of players who love to use the... I mean, Modric, I think, is a great example of constantly passing the ball, you know, with that vicious sort of curl on it. So rather than using your left foot, you hit the outside of your right foot to hit a similar pass. Don't use him cutting across the ball. And Salah, of course, as well, which I love it when he does this, is that cross from the right with the outside of his left foot.

54:19Yeah. Are they not suggesting that the Travella is a goal scored like that rather than a cross? Maybe. You could say a Travella pass, couldn't you? Could you, though? I don't know. Does a Travella have to be a goal? That's a really good point here. Not that I would say it anyway, as I've already made clear. Yeah. That's a good point. And the final one for now, and it comes from the voice notes. Hello all, Bram's family's here. While walking home from the gym today, thinking about Derby County, and wondering how our striker Carlton Morris was progressing with his injury, I caught myself pondering, when will he be back on the grass?

54:55Is the term back on the grass in your glossary? Maybe it's only div two, thinking of rugby and horse racing, but it crops up a lot in managerial interviews and lets us know that a player's return won't be too far away. What are your thoughts? Love the pod, Liz. P.S. Enjoyed John's cameo appearance on Radio Derby on Sunday. I'm pleased. I'm pleased that you heard that, Liz. And I did enjoy a trip back to Pride Park. And also, do you remember where we always used to park at Pride Park? which was in the car park on the top beyond the stadium where then the the new arena is there now the the sort of indoor arena yeah so i was driving down there thinking you know i was heading to that car park and then i looked and immediately in front of the main entrance to pride park i looked i thought this is the west car park so that's where we were turned in i turned in like i was the manager right and i'd wand the window down i said is this the worst car park and he said yes and my name was on the list and we now get parked i mean i felt like i felt like royalty i was parked the car right outside the entrance at pride park so i very much enjoyed that it's like being hair chapman for the afternoon did you have your hood up back on the grass is a great suggestion because you do hear that now all the time don't you what do you think of it though not much well if we're to use it it'd have to be division two wouldn't it I don't like it I have to say I bet Crystal Tallis this week have enjoyed being back on the grass summary of the glossary Div 2 going into Div 2 we've had loads today Blaze over the bar has been relegated into division two that was frantic Canada got a cup tie on our hands in Div 2, giant killing from Lottie is going into Div 2 because you can get that in other sports not just football and back on the grass is in the glossary but it's in Div 2 Div 1, draft excluder for now I think we'll leave that up to our loyal listeners to decide, the Elastico which is also known John as the flip flap the Traveller and the question there is can you have a Traveller pass can it only be a Travella goal so we'll need your your contributions on that and magic of the FA Cup has to go in and it's the perfect week to go in after Macclesfield not Crystal Palace out of the FA Cup.

57:39So there we go keep the glossary suggestions coming in remember if you hear an unintended pub name in a commentary send it in to tcv at bbc.co.uk and the voice notes always welcome that's on whatsapp 08000 289 369 that is it for this episode of the commentator's view on the next one john and ian are going to be joined by none other than jonathan pierce so get your questions in for him there will be plenty of those and remember you can find each and every episode of the commentator's view by scrolling down your football daily feed five life sport is launching a TikTok account next Friday. Our social team wants to know from us how we should launch the account.

58:23So what Five Live Sports should do for their very first video on TikTok. Well, what they'll want us to do, I would imagine, would be to do a little choreographed dance together. Well, us three? Yeah. We're not known for our dancing, are we? Well, that's the point. Do you think Mark Chapman would be involved in that? Almost certainly. Yeah. You could do now. So as we look at each other now on the screen, you could head the ball. From what? So I get a ball now and I pretend to head it. Then it drops to you on your left. You head it onto your right. Yeah. And then I nod it into the waste paper basket.

58:59No, then you head it and we film Mark Chapman in goal and it sort of horribly dribbles between his legs. I've got a better idea. Yeah. Ali, why don't you do it with your favourites? Chris and Statman. Five Live Sports Go to the end zone Touchdown NFL Touchdown Philadelphia Great play design I think you just have to go out there And be the best that you can be We're going to go out there And lay it on the line 12 yard touchdown run 105 yards on the return Where speed, power, and skill collide And the Eagles have beaten the Chiefs Convincingly in Super Bowl 59 Five Live Sports Listen on BBC Sounds.