The Commentators' View: Xmas bingo & different gravy

0:00The Commentator's View on the Football Daily with Alistair Bruce Ball, John Murray and Ian Dennis. Hello, welcome to the Football Daily. I'm Ian Dennis and this is the Commentator's View where we five live commentators talk through our adventures and the language around the beautiful game and also a little bit of football as well. Less than a week to go to Christmas. Are you both primed for the big day? I don't know whether I'd go that far. We've got my brother and his lot coming round in, so we've got a house full of 12. And as you'll well know, you'll both well know, Christmas prep is all about getting ready for that.

0:37Obviously, the home stuff and the family stuff, but also making sure all your notes are in order for the games that you've got to come. Because there's no chance I'm doing any prep for a commentary on Boxing Day. That's just not going to happen. So it needs to get done before that. So preparation is key, Mr. Murray. Well, I put my hand up and said that I would commentate on the Arsenal-Crystal Palace tie, which is on the 23rd. And I hadn't really got my head around the fact that it was the 23rd. So that means Christmas Eve, i.e. the 24th, is going to be a bit of a dash for me. I've got to be honest, when you put your hand up for that game on the 23rd, I was most relieved.

1:19And it's so normally when people say, what's it like to be a commentator at Christmas? You're thinking, well, you've got to do a game on Boxing Day. But to get Boxing Day off and New Year's Day off is a double bonus this year. That is an interesting one, isn't it, Ian? Because a lot of people I speak to, football fans, are obviously disappointed that there isn't more Premier League football. You know, a full programme on Boxing Day afternoon this year, which is unusual. And selfishly, I think that's the first Boxing Day I will be off for two decades. I think it's like 20 years. Is that right? Honestly.

1:52Well, I've had that. I'm delighted. I'm delighted. I've done that. I've been in exactly that position in that I work Boxing Day year after year for probably decade after decade. But in this current radio rights deal, Five Live does not have commentaries on Boxing Day. So therefore, a couple of years ago was the first time I hadn't worked on a Boxing Day. and I have to say I mean we love what we do but it was one of those occasions where I thought I've worked Boxing Day year in year out for all of these years and this feels like an absolute luxury not working on Boxing Day. But it's that thing isn't it of being able to relax a little bit more on Christmas Day because on Christmas Day otherwise you know going into the evening when obviously you know the leftovers are coming out and the cheese is coming out and all of that you're already thinking about Sunderland against Leeds or, you know, or whatever it might be.

2:52And actually the last couple of years, unusually, like you say, John, on Boxing Day we've not had the commentary rights, but I've gone to the three o 'clock game that Ian would normally be at. Yeah. And I've presented from three till five and doing the slightly odd thing of sitting in front of a game you can't, you're not allowed to describe because we can't do too much commentary on it and sort of bouncing around the grounds. and so you're actually having to hold yourself back from doing the job that you normally do. But there is a game on. There is a Premier League game. Well, there is, as I'm well aware.

3:22Having covered Newcastle's last couple of matches, each time I've thought, Boxing Day, 8 o 'clock kick-off at Manchester United. And I know that this is going over old ground, but the closer we've got to it, I've thought, I know when you're at that match as a spectator, and you're not going to miss it if you're a dyed-in-the-wool supporter of Manchester United or Newcastle United. And once you're there, you're there, aren't you? And you'll enjoy it for what it is. But it just doesn't seem right to me to have a match kicking off at that time for a whole variety of reasons. Not least, really, you should be with your family, shouldn't you, at that time?

4:01But also, on a Boxing Day night. After all that hoo-ha about, oh, there's no Premier League games on Boxing Day, I was thinking, well, there is life outside the Premier League. There is a full programme of Football League games. And, you know, just stick to tradition. Keep the games at three o 'clock. It's bad enough as a travelling supporter anyway, trying to get yourself around the country without the added hassle of trying to get there on a boxing day for an eight o 'clock kick-off. Ian, I've said this before, but it's worth saying again because this is the time of year. On the final day of the season, it's all right, isn't it, for all Premier League matches to kick off at the same time.

4:38would it really be harmful for one other day i.e. Boxing Day for all of the Premier League matches to kick off at three o 'clock on that day? Agreed. Should say as well make sure you stick the radio on on Boxing Day whatever you're doing because the football you're talking about in it's around the grounds for Five Live in the EFL with all that football going on which will be a great listen. It will be extremely busy. It certainly will. As has this week for John. And have you dried out John? Because if the listeners don't know, when you're at Newcastle United and it rains, our position is low down, you tend to get wet.

5:17Yeah. Well, do you know what? Unless I'm very much mistaken, because you were at Manchester City Brentford that night, which was a 7.30 kickoff. I was at Newcastle against Fulham, which was an 8.15 kickoff. And when I spoke to our football editor, Ross, I said to me, that was very much a toss up. and I said, you know, I'm very open-minded and I said, what would you want to do? What would Ian want to do? And rather surprisingly, you chose Manchester City, I thought. I thought you'd choose Newcastle and when I got there on the night and it was a sort of dank, rainy night, I thought, I know exactly why he's chosen Manchester City because of the fact that match has been played in the middle of December and there was every chance we might get wet.

6:05Well, the way it was presented to me is that I was more or less encouraged to do Manchester City. Okay. Otherwise, I would have definitely opted for Newcastle. Okay. Because I thought you'd chosen it for weather reasons and the fact it was an earlier kickoff. No. So I didn't get any choice at all and got sent to Cardiff on the Tuesday night. There was only one match that night. That's true. And it was closer to me than you two. So I did Cardiff-Chelsea, which I really enjoyed because there's been a lot said about Cardiff this season and the football they're playing. And they were excellent. And I got to commentate on one of my favourite goals this season because I don't think there's anything better than a diving header.

6:45And G on the right-hand side, crosses with his left foot. Good ball! Right goal! Cardiff have equalised David Turnbull with the diving header. Listen to the noise inside the Cardiff City Stadium. David Turnbull's diving header for Cardiff that got them back in the game. And the stadium, a packed Cardiff City stadium, which has not been for a Cardiff game since they're in the Premier League. It was a brilliant goal. That's a great one. I really enjoyed that. Ali, I know we say this sometimes, but for people who only listen to the podcast, if you're a Cardiff City fan, and maybe that was the first match that you went to, that is a great one to go back.

7:24And even though they lost the match, that's actually a really good one that you could go back, BBC Sounds app, stations and schedules, find the day, find the time, and listen back to the commentary again. Because I listened to it all that night and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. And also, Danny Gabidon. Well, the powers that be of the Five Live social team have been up to a little bit of Christmas mischief, have they not, Ali? Yeah, and you were far sharper than I was. So on Tuesday night, basically, the social media team, unbeknownst to me and Ian, and I saw something going on before kickoff, I should have put two and two together.

7:59But Callum was there from our social media team. And he basically said, and he and Danny, Danny Gabberdon, were in cahoots before the game. They were in conversation. There were sort of chuckles and mirth going on. And then Danny came over and did the game and started to lob these sort of festive phrases into the commentary. All is merry and well with this Cardiff City team. And I mean, I have to say, you know, it's been a long time coming. Casado up against young Joel Caldwell. Casado, he's like the Grinch in that midfield area. disruptor. It's a really smart finish. Low across Nathan Trott. An absolute Christmas gift there.

8:33Christmas present given to Chelsea. No room at the end there. In the end for Gusto, I think it was, he found himself in the centre-forward position going in on goal. As you mentioned, ABB, the quality that Chelsea have, the money that they spent. Cardiff City, Scrooge like in comparison. You've got Scrooge and the Grinch in tonight. Are you having a little game tonight, Danny? Are you trying to get as many in as you can? Quite possibly. are you after? I busted him late on. So that was their game. See how many you can get in, play the Christmas bingo before the commentator latches on. And a couple of them, Danny did them quite subtly and I thought his phrases were quite subtle.

9:09So a couple I obviously heard, but I thought, well, that fits with the season and if you don't mind the odd festive gag, that's fine. There was one in the second half when he said something about there being no room at the inn and I thought, what's going on? But I didn't say anything and it wasn't until right at the end where he talked about Scrooge and he'd already talked about the Grinch and I thought, no, no, no, something's going on here. But I got it in the 91st minute where you were on to it in about the fifth minute. It was very funny when you clocked it. But there again, you see, Ian clocked it straight away the next night but you'd done it the previous night.

9:45Yeah. I can't remember what Leon's first one was you picked up on but once you got him, he carried on playing the game anyway. The one I really enjoyed was when the goal went in And in the celebrations, Leon said they were joyful and triumphant. I thought that was his first one. That was just brilliant. That was the one, was it? Absolutely. Joyful and triumphant. What a wonderful finish that was. Right into the top corner. And by the way, any more Christmas puns from you, you're going to be left home alone. I thought that was so good. Danny was very good. But commentators and pundits do use those phrases at this time of year.

10:21So I felt it might have been slightly rude to go, come on Dan that's a bit cheesy you know but it just got too obvious at the end there was just too many of them I have to confess when Nick Voltemada headed the ball into the Sunderland net last Sunday I did go with a Christmas has come early for a Sunderland supporter well Joseph from Palmer's Green has been in touch dear Ali, John and Ian I was wondering what it is with Conor McNamara and Old Trafford again an absolutely mad match and his commentary equally chaotic but brilliant like a Jackson Pollock painting Probably best for him to get his blood pressure checked.

10:55Wishing you all at TCV a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from myself, Ruben and Lottie. Because he was doing the Manchester United-Bourmouth game for Match of the Day. And it was that, was it the Lyon game last year? Yes. Yes. He's a goal magnet. When Maguire scored late, didn't he? And Conor went through the roof, as you would, because everyone in the stadium did. And the voice sort of wobbled a bit. but yeah, that was an incredible... Got the Shetmates treatment, of course, famously. Oh, it did. Yeah, the mock-up on social media. Yeah, what a game. I've quite enjoyed that email from Joseph.

11:30He's actually written that like a Christmas card, hasn't he? He has. So it finishes off with Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from myself, Ruben and Lottie. It's included the whole family. Merry Christmas. And I can tell you, Joseph, that I will be seeing Conor McNamara over the course of the next couple of days. So I will find out if indeed he has had his blood pressure checked. And the reason for that, for Ruben and Lottie being on the card, as you say, John, is because Ruben and Lottie have appeared on the pod. So a very Merry Christmas to them all. Yes. So a Merry Christmas to Joseph, Ruben and Lottie from John, Ian and Ali.

12:07And not just to Joseph, Ruben and Lottie, to everybody who listens for what is our 51st episode of the TCV. Last week, obviously, Ian and I, we raised our bats at the pavilion because obviously reached the 50 and warm applause around the ground and unbroken partnership and all that. But John, you've not been on the pod, have you, on The Commentator's View, I think since you came back from Washington, but you've been to Madrid since as well. Yes, because we recorded the podcast in Washington on the day before the World Cup draw, so that was quite an event, with the snow and everything. I couldn't believe it.

12:44When I opened my curtains in Washington, D.C., on the morning of the draw, it was like a blizzard outside. There was snow on the ground in Washington. It made it incredibly atmospheric. And there was a lot went on that day. That was a very, very, very long day. But Madrid, when Manchester City won against, there was an awful lot going around, Real Madrid. I mean, that was extraordinary to step into Madrid, that sort of Real Madrid media bubble and the intense scrutiny there was on Xabi Alonso. And, you know, if you'd said to me then, would he still be in the job when we were recording this? I would have thought, absolutely not.

13:24It looks as if he was nailed on certain to lose the job. Anyway, he's still there. However, there's a little bar which is very well placed outside the Bernabeu. And I've been going into that bar after Real Madrid matches because they do jamon. It's jamon, isn't it, that they slice for you freshly with the sliced bread, salami. They do that in there brilliantly. It's a couple who own that bar. And they must now be, well, certainly well into their 60s. And they don't speak much English. but I've been going in there now probably for decades and it's just a tiny little bar but it's very cosy and there are tables sort of dotted around and there's a couple at the back but it's always very busy obviously after a Real Madrid match and whichever commentary team I've gone there almost always I've gone in there with them and not really said a great deal because they don't speak much English, I don't speak much Spanish but there's always a bit of a nod and a wink anyway on this day we go in there I went in first, looked up.

14:28Here he is, the barman behind the bar. And it's quite busy. Quite a few Manchester City, Real Madrid fans in. And I'm thinking, we're going to have to stand up here. He saw me, clopped me, winked. And he said, round the corner. I'm thinking, what? I look in. And round the corner, there's a table with reserved on it. A reserved thing. Nobody's sitting at it. And his wife is there and ushers us around to sit in this table. I don't know their names but as I say it's just that thing building up recognition over the years since they saw me come in they wave us around and we have a little table and we have the ham on and the bread and the salami as well they brought in brought round a little glass of red There must have been Real Madrid games John that you've obviously not done Exactly and they probably would have expected your presence so imagine that table has probably sat there a few times and there would be a real sort of sinking feeling when this giant figure doesn't come through the door at sort of 11.30 at night.

15:28Exactly. And they've got a little bit of Spanish Basil and Sybil about them, the two of them. There's a little bit of it. And I can just imagine those scenarios, maybe one saying to the other, well, he hasn't come tonight. He hasn't come and we've left a table for eight. Have you not thought about getting their number so you can let them know when you are going? Well, I don't need to, it would appear. Oh, it's the fun for them, isn't it? The fixture comes around, they just don't know. Well, exactly. On a night like that. Yeah, yeah, fun. Also, that reminds me, because you have not been on for about a fortnight, Ali, I was thinking about what John was saying about the Italian Greyhound, and you probably know this player.

16:12He played for Brighton, and I can't for the life of me think, was he a little winger? I thought someone emailed in about him. Emailed or emailed? I thought someone emailed in about him. Was it not Shalotto? Oh, so you have been listening. No, no, it was... No, he's seen the emails. I saw the email. No. Oh. Yeah, so we had a little gag going there, Job. We thought, obviously, you wouldn't have listened to the pod. And then we read that email out last week, and one of us was going to pluck Ezekiel Shalotto from nowhere. and you'd have been wowed at our knowledge. He's read the blooming emails. I read the script.

16:51I read the script. Good try, Denno. I'd completely forgotten about that. Very good. Hoist very much. Right, yeah. Thwarted, dashed. You can send your WhatsApps and your voice notes to 08000 289 369. Your email's to tcv at bbc.co.uk. The five live commentaries coming up. I mean, there is such a long list. a whole sleigh full of Christmas commentaries for you on 5 Live Sports Extra and the BBC Sounds app. We're not going to run through them all, but we'll just pick out some highlights. So, John Ali, do you want to go first? After you commentate, Ian, on Manchester City-West Ham at three o 'clock on Saturday, I will be at Tottenham for the match against Liverpool with Andy Reid.

17:39So that's the 5.30 kick-off on Saturday. And because you've already mentioned it, on the 23rd, you'll be joined by Glen Murray. I will, for the Arsenal-Crystal Palace match to find out the final one of the quarter-finalists. To find out Chelsea's opponents, actually, in the semi-finals. I'm looking forward to my game on Sunday, Aston Villa against Manchester United, given the form that Villa are in. And obviously, given what we've just said about Manchester United at the moment, you still have no idea what's coming. But what will be interesting there, won't it, is that they've now lost Ahmad and Bumo.

18:14So that will be a different looking Manchester United and to see how they cope without those two because they are looking potent at the moment. I know Shesh goes back and Cunha's there and Bruno Fernandes is playing slightly further advanced and sort of relishing that role. And that's the only Premier League commentary we have on Sunday because we've got Hearts Rangers, haven't we? On Sunday before that. But Villa Manchester United, there's just something that's also one of those fixtures for me that just the name of it, just Villa Manchester United at Villa Park, it's exciting that. And looking into the new year, Celtic Rangers, Connor and Pat Nevin, the way Celtic are going, they could have a new manager by then.

18:56Entirely possible. That's an incredible story, isn't it? And I mean, by the time this actually is available to listen to, things could have changed. One of the unintended pub names, was it the beleaguered manager? Yeah, beleaguered manager. Yeah, well, that would be apt to be drinking in there at the minute in the east end of Glasgow. Yeah. Which takes us on quite nicely too, the unintended pub names, because so many have been coming in. So thank you for keep doing that on the 08000 289 369 and the emails tcv at bbc.co.uk. Last week's highlights were the Fidgeting Smith, the Menacing Shark Teeth and the Calvert-Lewin Pirouette.

19:36But Phil from Radcliffe says, love listening to the podcast. Thank you. When you had the pirouetting Calvert-Lewin, there was another unintended pub name in the same clip. All I would say is that the Calvert-Lewin pirouette foxed the Manchester City defenders who presented it back towards the England international and he needed no second invitation. The England international. I can't tell you much about this particular establishment except that Chris Sutton would refuse to have a drink there. Well, he is an England international. What did he get? Nine, 12 minutes? Something like that? Yeah. Well, he was still in England.

20:12He came on the bench. Yeah, absolutely, John. Absolutely. But then he famously refused to never play for England again. Yeah, he was put in the B team, wasn't he, by Glenn Hoddle. They had a B team so that Glenn Hoddle could have a look at a few and Chris decided that the B team wasn't for him, I think. Yeah. I think possibly regrets that a little bit. But also the striking competition he was up against in that era for England. I mean, now, you know, Harry Kane, it's Harry Kane, isn't it? they're struggling for a backup area game then, blimey. I mean, Shearer, Cole, Sheringham. Ian Wright. They should be tripping off my tongue.

20:45Fowler. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Who? If I was the... Ian Rush. Ian Wright. He said Ian Rush. If I was the bar owner of the England International, I would gladly bar Chris Sutton from entry. Not tonight, you're not coming in. No, you let him in for 12 minutes. You let him in for 12 minutes, Denny, that's what he gets. I thought you always got upset about pubs that bar people. And now you're barring Chris Sutton. You're barring our friend, Chris Sutton. Who said he was my friend? Well, speaking of Chris, Steve in Musselburgh says, hi all, here's one from Chris Sutton in the Liverpool-Brighton game.

21:24It was a battle of the Gomez. The Gomez's. Diego and Joe on that far side. Can you say Gomez's? Gomez's. OK. Yeah, and the galloping Liverpool Gomez gets to the byline, pulls it back and shot rushed from Eketike, but good from Joe Gomez. The galloping Gomez and the galloping Joe and the dithering Diego. Yes, yeah. There's a whole rash of them there. You see, you could have a chain there of the galloping Gomez. You could have one in Liverpool and one in Hove. Makes me think, do you remember the galloping Gomez? Are you old enough to remember the Galloping Gourmet? No, I'm not old enough. No. It was a New Zealand chef, and he had a programme on the television called the Galloping Gourmet.

22:15Because he cooked on a horse. No, I don't know why he was known as the Galloping Gourmet. He didn't cook a horse. He cooked on the horse. I don't think any horses were harmed during the making of the Galloping Gourmet. Buki in Essex has also picked up on the Galloping Gomez, the Galloping Joe, and he says the Galloping Joe conjures images of gentrified customers dismounting their horses before entering the establishment. We've become very horsey, haven't we, all of a sudden? Yeah, we have. We have. Next one up is a voice note. So those come in on 08000 289 369. And this one is from John in Newcastle.

22:58Your very own Conor McNamara came up with the most excellent unintended pub name in his match of the day commentary of Man United and Bournemouth. Give it away. Bruno Fernandes in the midfield. This is the hard-running Tavernier. Cliford's to his left-hand side if he sees him. Tavernier goes down. The foul by Casemiro. The hard-running Tavernier. Not only is it a belter in its own right, but the player in question lends himself so beautifully to a pub name, his surname being so close to Tavern. I imagine a homely oak-panelled establishment full of hunting trophies and red leather the hard-running element also brings to mind an old-fashioned coach house where travellers are once stopped for nights after a long carriage ride on the highways to change horses and feast on whole suckling pig eaten off daggers while quaffing wine from goblets poured directly from the barrel keep up the good work I'm proud of this one so I do hope it'll make it on the air cheers guys and rightly so you should be proud of that John yeah very good I like that a lot the homely tavernier Dudley Mike Hi chaps, Bill Leslie referred to the Strikers Armoury while commentating on the Brentford Leeds game.

24:01Great podcast, keep up the good work. The Strikers Armoury makes me think of, was that pub that we went into in Shrewsbury, was that called the Armoury on the occasion of your first... Why is it? Your golden duck. Why is it all roads seem to lead to Shrewsbury in this pod that they do once every three weeks? I saw... The Shrewsbury golden duck. That's where we should have gone. The Shrewsbury first baller. I saw Tim Peach, one of our producers, the other day who made 50 that day. I think he came in after me. So I think I faced the last ball of that bowler who cleaned me up and then they brought on some dross and Tim Peach smashed it everywhere and never fails to remind me that I got a first baller while he made a load of runs.

24:49I'll tell you who would be a great guest for us. And we've never mentioned this before. the bowler who bowled you out. Wouldn't that be brilliant if we could track him down? I mean, surely, surely that bowler must have had it brought to his attention that we keep talking about his magnificent in-swing that took out your leg stump. Yeah, I might skip that episode. That'd be a lovely Christmas surprise, wouldn't it, if we were able to get him on in the new year. It shivers down my spine, John. Derek in the West Midlands brings us to probably the most festive themed clip of the pod. Derek says, I think I've got an early and very apt contender for unintended movie titles.

25:33So this is a new thing, unintended movie titles. This comes from the Burnley Fulham commentary with Mike Miney and Michael Brown. What'll happen next? You feel like, I don't want to say it. There's got to be more goals, surely. That's it. You can stop listening now. Michael Brown's just killed the rest of that game off with the curse of the commentator. Fulham leading by two goals to one. A few Christmas hats and Santa hats around Turf Moor Of claret colour of course with the Burnley badge on it Our engineer Nat brought the Christmas cheer as well Tinsel decorating her mixer desk Very festive, you feeling in the mood yet Brownie?

26:10Always mate, Christmas tree was up early November mate Was it? Yeah, ready to go Here's Robinson I just wonder which heated item you've requested for Christmas this year. You've got the set, gloves, hat, gilet. I've got a few bits. I like the actual portable heater at the moment. That's the one underneath your feet. That's the way forward in commentary. Things need to hot up here for Burnley. So Derek says the curse of the commentator definitely sounds like an old school Hammer Horror movie starring Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. Yeah, written like that rather than the commentator's curse.

26:44The curse of the commentator, I agree. and going back to Danny Gabadon and Leon Osman sort of forcing festivities into the commentaries recently. There was plenty in there, wasn't there? Mike Mining had a... Well, there were Christmas hats going on, Christmas presents. Engineer Nat, have you seen that, the tinsel on there? Have you worked with Nat at Christmas time? Is that lights and tinsel? No, it was Sunderland. On Sunday, our engineer Owen brought fairy lights along, and he decorated the commentary desk with fairy lights. Yeah, I was with OI and he did the same on Wednesday, Manchester City.