You're Better Than That: TCV vs FPL

28:29I was asking. But Dave's asking to give him the yellow, and I hate that. I hate that, Dave. I hate that, Dave. It might be an offence. That's what I was asking. I hate players who brandish the imaginary yellow. So you're walking a tightrope there. Anyway, right, we're going to go for the hard one. So this is equation C. Okay. so you're going to need to write down these numbers first of all Dave this one plays plays to you actually Mo Salah's record number of Premier League goal involvements for a single club okay so it includes goals then Bruce goals and assists I take yeah goal involvements is goals and assists okay you can ask Dave just make it clear well how many goals has he got Dave how many goals how many goals would he have it's on 180 odd that's a great that's a great start that's a great start So 180, so we say 180, and then what do we half that, do you think?

29:18Do we half 180? We don't half at anything, Chris. We need the total. So we need to like... No, we half it and then add it on, Dave. Come on, come on, come on. I'd say on average it's 10 a season. My brain is hurting just watching you two in action. Oh, there's only one brain working here, Denno. That's the problem. Give us a total number there, then. So plus 80, Chris? Yeah, I'd go 90, but you go 80. plus 90 she takes us to 270 I like that 265 265 265 you're happy with 180 are you? take your first number and add the number of penalties successfully scored by England's women in the Euros final against Spain how many penalties did England score England's women score in the Euros final against Spain and add that to the first number you've got.

30:14Is there a lot, Dave? There must have been a lot then. Dave, are you there? I'm trying to think, Chris. I need space. For my captain, I need space here. Because at the moment, you're suffocating the brain. Did they go right? I think it was 11, wasn't it? John Murray's laughing, so let's half that. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know who it was. What, five and a half? Five and a half. So in the final, Yeah, in the final against Spain, how many did they score? Come on. May as well go with five because that takes us to 270. Okay, yeah, yeah. Doesn't matter how we get there. Then, right, 270, right, 270 now has got to be divided by, I told you this one was hard, has got to be divided by the number of points that Europe led USA by going into the final day of the Ryder Cup.

31:04So what was Europe's lead going into the final day of the Ryder Cup? and take the number you've got and divide it by the answer to that question? I don't know why this has come to my mind, Chris, but I'm going to go with four and a half. That's ridiculous.

31:21But whole numbers, I don't think that's correct. I would say, I think England, I think Europe had a big lead. A big, big lead. Unfortunately, our number's not divisible by that many numbers, Chris. So what are the numbers? So how many? So our number at the moment is divisible by nine. It's divisible by four and a half, though. It is divisible by four and a half, hence why I said that. It is divisible by two, Chris. It's divisible by three. That's good. Dave, I love this. Dave's playing the game. You know the way that this is a Christmas special? Is this actually going to be on all day on Christmas Day?

31:54I hope so. I hope it be worth it. Real quality Christmas living. It's like going with the wind, John. It's four and a half hours. I think there was a big lead. I think there was something, you know, I think it was something like six. Okay, so that brings you to 45, right? And then you've got to divide that by the number of rounds that Oleksandr Usyk needed to stop Daniel Dubois at Wembley to become a two-time undisputed heavyweight champion. So how many rounds did it take Usyk to stop Dubois? Use that number. Divide what you've got, which is 45. I've got to find an answer. Go on. Yeah. Five. What, for the rounds?

32:36no no no what's that I went with nine rounds nine rounds so 45 divided by nine love it Dave equals five okay fine makes sense I love that makes sense there's some sense there okay okay what I will tell you is you've done really well there I think really well but you're going to be a little bit annoyed that you've not got closer so Mo Salah's record number of Premier League goal involvements 277 so that was really well worked out okay number of penalty score by the Lionesses was 3. So 277 plus 3 is 280. So you're slightly out there. Europe led the USA by 7 points. So Chris, you were pretty much bang on there.

33:18So 280 divided by 7 is 40. And this is the key one. So you were on 45 at that point. So you're pretty close. The number of rounds Usyk needed to stop Dubois was 5, not 9. If you'd gone 45 divided by 5, your answer would have been 9. You'd have been 1 away from the actual answer of 8. so you're three away which means you get three points times three you get nine points for your efforts there all that work for nine points puts you on 40. If you look at the good parts of that section I got I did well there you did really badly. You know as a leader Chris I think the reason why you may have only capped in Chelsea once was probably this problem here Chris is I don't think you're working well with your teammates today and a lot of them hold on hold on a second Chris this is a dressing down in the dressing room at half time because you have been woeful so far I need you to step up you've been rubbish you could take the armband off and give it to Dave listen John and Ian have got to do theirs and we've still got two rounds to get through here I think we can do it John and Ian you've got a choice of easy which will give you five points if you get bang on or you can go for the medium question which will give you ten points if you go bang on should we go medium yeah if that was the hard one go medium I think medium would be all right.

34:35Okay. Okay. Give me one sec. He's just redoing the medium answer to make it easier for the commentator's view pod here. Absolutely. It's because of those quotes that we heard at the start of the show. He has to balance it out, doesn't he? Right, here we go. I think that's unlikely because you're his favourite.

34:53That's going to haunt me forever, that is. Yes. Come on, it's a throwaway line at the start of a pod. It should be. Start the season, trying to get the guys on board. Love you all, guys. Right, here we go. First of all, guys, I need Trent Alexander-Arnold's shirt number at Real Madrid, having made his move from Liverpool. So what shirt number does Trent Alexander-Arnold wear? Is he 66 there as well, Ian? Yes, I think he is. Okay. He is, 66. He didn't play last year. Add the number of matches that will be played at the World Cup next summer. That's 104. Oh, my God. Okay, so add your two numbers together.

35:25That's 170. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. then add the number that is on Lando Norris' title winning McLaren car. What number? Is it number five? Is it five or four? I haven't got a clue. Four. That means it's five. One I think. It will be next year. It will be. Very good. Very good. Okay. What are you going with there? I don't know but I've just got five in my head. Yeah, we'll go five because Chris told us to go four. Okay. You've got to divide that by Chris Sutton's shirt number at Villa. What number did Chris wear at Villa? He won't have a clue. Was it still one to eleven in those days?

36:14That's lovely. That's lovely. What would Chris have been? Would Chris have demanded to have? Yeah. Because he was a senior pro at the time. So, John, if we're working on 175, then that limits the number that it could be, doesn't it? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Do you think he might have demanded, like, number 10 or something? It's got to be a whole number, hasn't it? Has it got to be a whole number, Ali? Correct. There's not 10 and a half, is it? So, therefore, it's got to be either 5 or 15. Well, it wouldn't have been 5, surely. 15 is a dodgy number for you, Chris. Would Chris have asked for 15?

36:51That's surmising that we're working on 175 being correct. We are, yeah. Might have asked for 15 for the number of children he's got.

37:10That's the light of the day, by the way.

37:17So if it was 175 divided by 15, that would be... That's not an answer. Okay, do you think we should say five then? Yeah Because that gives an answer of 35, doesn't it? Yeah, we'll go five Okay Don't go five I'll let you change it I'm almost going to go in reverse here Well Chris, tell me what shirt number we've got down here What you think you wore at Villa I think you were miles out I think I was 20 You were, you were 20 Right, but anyway, we'll go back to the start That is a catastrophe What the choice of number? You caused yourself a big problem. Trent wears 12 at Real Madrid. He doesn't wear 66, so you're miles out already.

38:02FIFA World Cup, you were right, 104. Lando Norris, four on the car rather than five. But the final answer was six. Nice, Grace, let's go. The final answer was six, and your final answer was 35. so you were within 50. No, no, no. You get four points for being within 50. Oh, Bruce, that is so great. It's in the rules. It's in the rules. No, that's the scoring system. Did you not... If you read the rules, you'd know that. Yeah. No one's got the rules. There aren't any rules for this. Next round is Sutton Death. What are the scores now? People will know Sutton Death. What are the scores? Oh, sorry.

38:40Scores on the doors. Yeah, that's what the quiz master is supposed to do. John and Ian, representing the Commentators View podcast, are on 48. And Chris and Dave, but if a comeback in the guesstimation round, are on 40. So there's only eight points between you. And there's good points available in Sutton Death. Now, you guys will know Sutton Death. We play this regularly on the FPL podcast from BBC Sport. No one unplugs here. You take it in turns to give answers. The way we're going to do this one is, as soon as an incorrect answer is given, that player is out, but it's not the end of the game.

39:14because their teammate can continue on their own until they're both out. And we are going to give a point for each correct answer, but there are a couple of golden envelopes in here. So if you land on those, you will get yourself three points. So your category is rather timely because we are recording this the morning after the BBC's Sports Personality of the Year show. the main event the main event last night or the main award was won by Rory McIlroy but we actually in sudden death today are looking for winners of the World Sports Star of the Year Award that used to be called the Overseas Sports Star Award so basically this is not UK sportsmen and women these are these are massive names these are world superstars you're looking for here that have been given the Overseas Sports Personality of the Year Award that they now called the World Sports Star.

40:14And just to give you another couple of little clues, lots of tennis in here, lots of athletics, golf, football, boxing, few cricketers, only a couple of Formula One, couple of rugby union. That's all I'm going to give you. Can I also ask when it started? Because it was a... Oh, that's a good question. Yeah, yeah. It started in 1960. First winner was in 1960. And there were overseas? They did the overseas all the way back. Oh, okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes. No, it's brilliant. It's a brilliant list. It's a brilliant list. Okay. So, and by the way, if you're the last man standing here, I'm going to allow you to keep going and keep reeling off names until you get one wrong.

41:01So once three people have gone, you're allowed to keep going here. And I'm going to go in. I'm just going to keep it simple. Alphabetical order. So that is going to be Chris, then Ian, because that's alphabetically first for John and Ian's team. Chris, Ian, Dave, John. Chris, Ian, Dave, John. Right, Chris, start us off. We are looking for World Sports Star of the Year winners. Fire away. Tiger Woods, I'll say, Bruce. Good start. Right, Ian. Seve Ballesteros. it's a great shout won it in 1984 my my sport other than Chris Sutton he's my sporting idol my favourite sportsman of all time Dave Maradona I don't think he won it

41:51Dave's out Dave's out early Chris is on his own here who's deciding this Waffle I have like a thousand names John John John That leaves Dave with 999 names on his list. Could have taken the title easy. John. I'm going to go for the current holder, Mondo DePlantis. Oh, that's excellent. I've got to say, I've never heard of him. Never heard of Mondo DePlantis? Well, that's disrespectful, actually. Pole vaulted. He's won it two years in a row. Why didn't you say the pole vaulted? He's won it two years in a row. I know, exactly. He's a world superstar. Chris, your go. You're now playing for your team.

42:36I'm just going to write, how do you spell the bandit? This is Adderton in Joburg. D. How do you spell? Just give us an answer. I'm going to say that this guy must have won it. You're saying Bolt. This must be. Very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Won it three times. Three times. Okay. So it's only two points all in this game at the moment. Chris, as the captain, doing the business here. Denno? I'm going to go to Beyond Borg. Good answer, Denno. Very good. So, Chris, back to you now because you're representing No, hang on. FPL pod from... No, no, no, no. No, because otherwise you lot are going to absolutely pile on the points doing that.

43:13Oh, I see. Chris still plays for their team. Yeah, yeah. Alternate shots. Yeah, alternate shots. You said cricket, didn't you? I'm going to say because you said cricket. Cricket, yeah. You think of the greats. The great cricketers. Yeah, the greats. I'm going to say Brian Lara. I thought you were going to say Don Bradman. It's the golden envelope What does that mean? It's a three-pointer What does that mean? What it means, Chris, is your current overall team score is 45 and it's up against 51 from John and Ian but that's important that's a good score there is one other golden envelope answer still available Denno There is an alternative theory there that Dave's looking and then texting Chris the answers Oh, that would be horrendous I don't know if you'd even suggest that Hey, listen Hey, hey, hey, hey.

43:59Do you know what, Denno? I'm taking the point off for suggesting that. That is awful from you. At what point? That's minimum three. No, it's me as well. The FPL pod from BBC Sport absolutely prides itself on its integrity in playing these games. Because we've had people come on our pod and cheat the hell out of it. And we can't stand it. Have they done it? So, right, Denno, you can get your point back by giving me a correct answer here. It's me, not him. Oh, it's John. Sorry, John. Sorry, John. Yeah, get it. Can you make amends for Denno's lip? Incidentally. And by the way, actually, I'm giving Chris a correct answer, one point there for, who did you say?

44:32Lara. And the three bonus. So you're actually on 46 total. Yeah, 46. 46 now plays 50. Roger Federer. Very good. Okay. I'm going to say Nadal.

44:49Yeah, correct. Denno. Pelé. The greatest. How far back does this go? 1960, we've already established that. So Pele gets on the list, but Maradona looks a disgrace. This is starting to get a bit tetchy. This is a bit Sunderland-Newcastle now. This has got edgy. Well, here we go. If it's going that far back, Muhammad Ali was a world star. He must have won it. Must have won it. Correct, correct. Yeah, it's good pace. I'm enjoying the pace it's being played at now. Serena Williams.

45:24It's an astonishing omission, John, that she's not on the list. I cannot believe she's never won this award, given what she's done in her career. It's astonishing that she's not on the list, but she's not on the list. John is out of the game. Look, he's spewing. I could have sworn I saw her win it. I've got three world stars, Dave, here. You're the capo. Just give it to me. Three world stars. Cristiano Ronaldo. Go on.

45:50Saturn's delivering in the white heat of battle here what's Dennis got what's Dennis got in return Martina Navratilova no way it's good it's not golden envelope but it's good what about Iron Mike Tyson then he was a world star I mean the best best in the world maybe the best there's ever been what about Iron Mike Tyson better than Mahmoud very good I will stick with the tennis theme yeah Billie Jean King Yeah! Come on, Chris! Right, Chris. Chris, come on. Right, listen. Your score is 50. They're on 53. You can build your score here. Until you get one wrong. Keep going. And if you get golden envelope, jobs are good.

46:35Olympics, Bruce. Olympics. He cleaned up this play. Carl Lewis. Who is this, Chris? Who are you two? Oh, the gap closes to the end. two points Carlos. Chris you can do something special. Come on you've got more. I've got a rugby who is an absolute incredible incredible world star but this is a fun Dave. Jonah Lomu. That's the correct answer. There to within one. You got any more Chris? I'm going to go cricket Shane Warne This to level the scores

47:21This could be the biggest upset of all time I don't think anybody said Messi

47:31That's correct They're in front Chris this is brilliant Keep going Chris I'm putting you on the clock now I'm putting you on the clock You can't put me on the clock now. We're in the lead, Bruce. Yeah, that's bad, Bruce. Come on. That's not sporting. Come on. Sachin Tendulkar.

47:52It's incorrect. It's incorrect. So your other cricketers were... Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. Do we not have a chance to... No, we're not doing that, John. No. Cigarfield Sobers. Michael Schumacher. Never won it. Did he not? Formula One, Vettel won it. Where's the other Formula One? Nicky Lauder. Nicky Lauder's in the Formula One. Your golden envelope, tennis player, won Wimbledon at the age of 17. Shocker red hair. Becker. Boris Becker. Yeah, yeah. All three points. Right, here we go. Final round, final round. So, scores on the doors. Chris and Dave, representing the FPL pod from BBC Sport, lead by a point after that.

48:32I mean, what a game. What a game of something, Deb. So, here we go. So that means the team that's in front goes first in the book round. We've just been first every round. People who know the quiz will know how this goes, basically. I have asked both teams to pick a sporting autobiography. They've fished out the real, the correct opening sentence, the sentence that's in the book, and they've written two made-up sentences, and they're trying to bluff their opponents with the made-up sentence. So if you get the correct answer, if you identify the correct answer, you get five points for your team.

49:11But if your opponents bluff you, they get three points for bluffing you. So Dave and Chris will go first. The book that's been chosen here by your opponents is Len Shackleton's Clown Prince of Soccer. Clown Prince of Soccer. Len Shackleton played for England a few times, was mainly a Sunderland footballer. I chose this one because I thought Len Shackleton might not be in Dave's stats. I actually read this book this week, actually, John. Did you? Well, how fortunate. OK, so Len Shackleton, who famously included in this book a chapter, chapter nine, which was headed the average director's knowledge of football.

49:52And the chapter was empty. That is one of the most famous football autobiographies. But was the first line in Len Shackleton's autobiography, A, they never come back in boxing. In football, however, we sometimes do, as I discovered in the autumn of 1954. Or was the opening line B, The professional footballer's contract is an evil document. Or was it opening line C? Ever since I started putting two and two together, and that was a long time ago, I have had a passionate interest in football. I think it's not C. What was C, John? Can you just read C out? C was ever since I started putting two and two together, and that was a long time ago, I have had a passionate interest in football.

50:51Yeah, that sounds like a deno, something he'd write out. then quite basic not that exciting very sort of run of the mill bear in mind this was written by a footballer well what do you think Dave what's your thoughts so there was a bit of a tell obviously I'm not going on what was coming out of the mouth I was going on body language and B there was a little look up halfway through to either sell the story Chris or it's the one so it might be right or wrong Well, that narrows it down.

51:27What I'd say out of the three, Chris, I haven't finished my body language analysis here, guys. What I'd say out of the three is John only did that for B. So A and C, there was no look up and it was on the page. Very much focused down. Either John is the finest poker player in the world or there's a tell there, Chris, where B might be the one that is correct. I've seen Murray play people like a piccolo. I've seen this movie before. I've seen this movie before. But I want you to take responsibility here, Dave. I've said it's not the third one, Dave. So, I mean, you as our body language expert, imagine if we win it on your body language.

52:09I think it's the first one. What was the first one, John? They never come back in boxing. In football, however, we sometimes do, as I discovered in the autumn of 1954. There's context in that, Chris. There's a year in there, which tips it that way. Chris, I think we'll go with you. If you played well today, let's go with A. You go. You want to go with A? Let's go with A. Is that your final answer? John looks quite happy now, though, Chris, would be the one concern. That A's dropped back, hand over the mouth. I need an answer. I need an answer. Yeah, let's go with Dave. This is on Dave's A. No, no, no.

52:44This is with you, Chris. A. Okay, we're locking A in. I can tell you, Chris, bang on about number three. Should we do the other one first? Bang on about number three. Should we do the other one first? And then reveal at the end? Ooh, I like that. Okay. Okay, John, why don't you take... No, you're absolutely right. That's even better, actually. This quiz is improving all the time. Okay. It's been made up all the time. Yeah, let's do it that way. Okay, let's do it that way. Right, here we go then. So that answer's locked in. We know they've said A. Right. Now, Dave, would you like to read these or do you want me to read these?

53:18Nope, I would like you to read them, please, Alistair. I'm going to read these. Okay, here we go. So the book chosen by Chris and Dave for Ian and John is Andrea Pirlo's I Think, Therefore I Play. So we've gone sophisticated there. That surprises me. I thought I was expecting Mr. Tickle. Oh, wow. Dearing me. Right, your three lines from this book. Pizza should be simple. That is the first rule. Okay. Number two, a pen. Beautiful, granted, but still just a pen. Number three, winning the Champions League is supposed to be chaos. So one of the choices for an Italian footballer, first word was pizza.

54:09That's got to be written by Sutton. Mentioning the Champions League for C, which leaves me with B a pen is beautiful I thought the same but then I'm thinking that's too simplistic no it can't be pizza well we both thought the same so we'll go B locking that in so they've gone for B Chris and Dave have gone for A going into this round Chris and Dave led by a point 54-53 let's start with John and Ian then as the trailing team if you'd said A pizza should be simple that is the first rule you would have been wrong that is a bluff that was that is not in Andrea Pirlo's book if you've gone for C winning the Champions League is supposed to be chaos you would also have been wrong you've got the right one so you've got the correct answer which puts you on to 58 points which means Chris and Dave have to get this right so the scores here are 58 54 if they get this right they win it by a point sorry as a body language expert here bruce just going to dive in i can read john's face already it was b wasn't it here we go big build so if john and ian if john and ian bluff you here they're going to win this by 61 points to 54 but if chris and dave have correctly identified len shackleton's opening sentence the clown prince of soccer, they're going to win this blockbuster of a quiz.

55:44So let me tell you, Chris immediately wrote off number three. Ever since I started putting two and two together, that was a long time ago. I've had a passionate interest in football. Don't know who wrote it, but you were right to rule that out. That's incorrect. So you're down to two. As Dave said, right or wrong, A or B, 50-50, here we go. Who's going to win the quiz? So you went four. They never come back in boxing. In football, however, we sometimes do, as I discovered, in the autumn of 1954 and you chose that over number two which had all the body language about it the professional footballer's contract is an evil document the actual opening sentence to Len Shackleton's Clown Prince of Soccer is they never come back in boxing in football however we sometimes do as I discovered in the autumn of 1954 they got it right and they won the choice they won it by a point my favourite men in football my favourite that's an astonishing win and I tell you what you know what's you know you know what's what's really come back to haunt John and Ian here ill discipline the minus one the minus one point that I have to take off Denno's list what's come back here the bias the bias from the referee the bias from the referee has been astonishing you said at the very start that they were your favourites it has shown it has been an absolute no it's been corrupt so listen what a quiz Not to mention the Garner as well, by the way.

57:11By the way, you took the point off when we were running away with it to create the jeopardy. Absolute. It is corrupt. Come on. Lose with a bit of dignity. No, no. I've spent too much time with you, Chris. Four of the finest footballing minds showing their stuff. Chaps, that was amazing. Thank you very much indeed for all taking part. We're going to have to do it again next year. There's going to have to be a rematch. Oh, I'd love to. It's going to be a cold Christmas.

57:44I just look forward to the next episode of The Commentator's View when you've already said that you prefer working with Dave and Chris. Yeah, it's bad, bad. Bad, bad, Bruce. Really bad. Especially now we're the champion podcast as well, Bruce. There's a lot of things you're going to have to navigate. Favorites. Make sure you listen to The Commentator's View and the FPL podcast from BBC Sport over the festive season. Thank you very much, everyone, for listening. Enjoy all the festive commentary shows and podcasts across Five Live and BBC Sounds. And have a very Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas.

58:17We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Go on, Denno. No. You're such a bad loser. Honestly. You're such a big kid. It's a disgrace. Five Live Sports. The Test Match Special Podcast. This is going to be the focus of some pretty serious hard-nosed cricket over the next few days. He drives into the offside. This will be his 100. Well played, Joe Rue. England's finest. Runs to... Oh, he's got to get back again. Jeez. Sorry. Settle down, Tuffer. Sorry, Ray. Oh, I'm living every ball of this. Listen to the TMS Podcast. Every day of the ashes with BBC Sounds.