Arsenal’s statement win and Spurs climb out of the drop zone – Football Weekly podcast

11:11Jonathan Wilson:Do you know that bit in Judge Dredd when he went, after review and you're like oh yeah there we go that's a terrible bit of that movie let's go to Old Trafford Manchester United 3 Liverpool 2 so Manchester United in the Champions League for next season first league double over Liverpool in a decade if the football season began when Michael Carrick took the job United would be five points clear at the top of the Premier League Wilson you famously hated the PSG 5 Bayern 4 game was this a good game?

11:37Barry Glendenning:I did not famously hate that game I had reservations about it and said I acknowledge that my palate was at fault, that it was too rich for my palate. This game was fine. It was nowhere near the quality of PSG buy-in.

11:51Jonathan Wilson:No, of course.

11:52Barry Glendenning:It was, I mean, to be honest, it was this sort of shambolic game that showed probably why both teams maybe should change managers before next season. I think both will actually still be in charge at the beginning of next season. But after 14 minutes with United 2-up, I was thinking this could be a performance so bad from Liverpool that actually does force slot out the door but Carrick's put United in a really difficult position because he's had this massive advantage that not a single team United have played this season have played more football than them the failures are getting to you but going out of both cups at the earliest possible opportunity means they are fresher than all the teams they play against so he really is playing on easy mode and he's done quite well you know it's what is it 11 wins two draws two defeats which is pretty good is really good i mean yeah we put you five points clear but is it good enough given the advantages they've had given the lack of pressure on them and that's really really hard to tell but now the problem that united have is if they don't keep carrick on and they point somebody new and they have a slightly iffy start oh why didn't he keep carrick on he had united dna look at his record last season but equally if they do keep him on and it turns out he can't cope with playing two games a week and european football and the fatigue of that then they could easily be sacking him in november and it's another wasted season and i don't know it's really tricky bernie

13:17Barney Ronay:yeah i think that's exactly right i mean the job next season and in the closed season is not the same job as he's had for the last however many games they're two different jobs doing well at this job does not mean you do well at that job it's completely different you need to build a team you're going to be in the Champions League. It's not the same thing. Also, I mean, he's got Steve Holland with him. I mean, you know, Steve Holland is really good at this kind of thing. He was the Gareth Whisperer as well. The situation is kind of perfectly set for him. I think sometimes life lays traps for you.

13:51And hiring Michael Carrick is a trap that Manchester United,

13:55Barney Ronay:it looks appealing and it's easy and it's there, but you need to kind of not step on the reeds over the... It's exactly what Manchester United would do. And do you want to do what Manchester United would do? Or do you want to do something different would be the question. I also had that same thought about Arna Slott, that this might be the one that does for him because of the emotional nature of these games that have done for managers like that before. I mean, Slott's Liverpool are a really strange team, aren't they? I was thinking watching this that, you know, like a cup of tea. Tea is kind of one of the worst drinks because you've got basically a 10-minute window where you can drink it.

14:32Barney Ronay:Like it's either too hot or too cold or it's just right. And it goes down really quickly. It's too hot for ages. And then suddenly it's okay. And then it's too cold. It's just, there's not, like last season, that was Liverpool. They had just enough Klopp heat in them for this guy who'd basically be a brilliant assistant manager to Klopp to come in and just make them drinkable, just right. It's entropy. They had one season of being just the right temperature and now they're too cold. They're a too cold cup of tea.

15:00Jonathan Wilson:Is it the same? you don't refill the cup of tea every season because what you're saying is last season was the first third of the cup of tea it was a good cup of tea and then this season it was a

15:11Barney Ronay:cold cup of tea it was the perfect heat i mean at times klopp may have won more leagues if he hadn't been so hot and scalding your mouth every time you took a sip i'll leave that for a beer

15:21Jonathan Wilson:i see i understand that's the gigant press of the tea what do you do do you microwave the team but

15:27Max Rushden:Don't you top up your tepid tea with hot drop from the pot? Yes, precisely. Which would be... Is that recruitment? ...Ezac or Kerkes and...

15:39Barney Ronay:Yes, and that has not happened. It turns out that Ezac has been down the other end of the table. Someone else has got the pot, whatever. He's not been able to add his heat. Slott has not been able to find heat. He's not been able to microwave your steam or top it up. And it's simply grown unpalatably cold. and you know when the milk starts to slightly kind of film on the top because it's got colder

16:01Barry Glendenning:yeah i feel that's happened and i mean i'm not really a tea drinker but my my grandparents used to used to as they would put it scald the cup i'll translate it scald the cup so they they'd fill the cup with boiling water first to keep the cup hotter so the tea retained its heat for longer could you scald a cup and replace the the cooling cup with the scalded cup and and put the tea in that or is that moving to a new team yeah i just make a new part of this

16:32Barney Ronay:stage i mean that's the option isn't it and that was what i was fearing you you you have no notion

16:36Max Rushden:how tight my grandparents were they wouldn't have been making i can guess i don't think it's from

16:43Jonathan Wilson:the ground you nicked it wilson the apple doesn't fall far from the apple that falls from the tree you're right I hate to move us away from this analogy that I'm sure everyone is uh enjoying people enjoying it yeah yeah possible um Barry what did you make I mean the interesting about this game is sort of Liverpool had no right to really get back into it we sort of gifted this chance to get into it and then almost looked like they could have won it before Man United won it

17:10Max Rushden:yeah they were gifted two very soft goals just after halftime Ahmed come on and I think his first contribution of note was to provide the assist for Dominic Sabosloy's weird goal, where he just advanced, advanced, advanced, unopposed, cut inside Harry Maguire and slotted the ball through somebody's, D 'Ado 'o Dallot's legs into the corner. So that was a bit of a gift. Then Lammans had his brain fade. I think Liverpool probably deserved a goal because I think the Benjamin Sesko goal shouldn't have stood, despite VAR's insistent that there was no conclusive proof that the ball hit his fingertips.

17:52Max Rushden:We all saw the ball hit his fingertips. Apparently that doesn't count as conclusive proof. Do we now force all players to wear gloves with sensors in the fingertips so we can have conclusive proof? Because eyewitness evidence is not enough. yeah I suppose it could have gone either way it was the classic game of two halves but United won it in the end with a very good goal from Kabimena whose redemption story has has been interesting this season.

18:28Barney Ronay:I thought there were two interesting things though I mean Slok really needs to stop talking about low blocks and how he is repeatedly baffled by this every time he comes up against one as though it's a crime against football to arrange a team in this way. When the manager of the opposition team repeatedly talks about the fact this team can't deal with this and repeatedly identifies the thing he has failed tactically to solve. I don't understand what he's trying to do by saying that. Yes, teams will do this occasionally. You must have realised by now because you mention it every week. And also I found Zabosla's interview at the end slightly odd where the um the the interviewer kept saying have you felt that you're you're really leading everyone and doing all the right things and everyone else in the team isn't really following and he kind of went yes that's true i am a leader and normally you don't say that you say no it's not like that we win and lose as a team you know we're developing blah blah blah but he didn't say that and i thought it was slightly jarring maybe it's a language thing but it struck me as um just one of those little windows you sometimes get where the notes off and you think there's something not quite right there's a sense of people coming and going there and of a team that knows it's half built and probably deserves another season to see if it can kind of become more of a team but there are star players there who are leaving and so many new players that have come in and you haven't really bedded in we used to say give people a season or two seasons but it doesn't work like that now and i really think that they will give slot another summer but by the autumn it could be one of those and that it might be sort of too late to really keep their season going by then uh i would be interested to see if he can if he can make this work we've got a world cup this summer um i don't know how long these players need to really there are really profound connections in the team that don't work and things that should work that don't work the players are too good to seem this kind of entropic and unimpressive and when he repeatedly talks about the same not being able to solve the same tactical problem every week I slightly kind of think oh this isn't really

20:37Jonathan Wilson:going anywhere there is a definite case but they'll both be there at the start of the season and neither will be there at Christmas but I guess with Wilson Liverpool spent so much money last summer but it feels like they need to do the same again I mean I don't think quite the same

20:51Barry Glendenning:expenditure yeah I know yeah Arsenal fans like the point that they actually signed more players and therefore it's been more disruptive to them but Liverpool tried to undergo a pretty radical change last summer your five major players came in plus a couple others i think you would expect that in any circumstance to take time to work you even towards the end of last season schlott was talking about how you know this this team needs we need to start again we need to sort of rip this up people are getting used to us um so they've had those five players come in then the three most expensive though is to start one game together because of injury now in part you can say if the Isak deal had been handled better, if they'd done that earlier, then maybe some of these problems wouldn't have occurred.

21:34Barry Glendenning:They've also got the Diogo Jota factor, which I think we shouldn't underestimate. I think it'll be years before we begin to understand just what the impact of that was. So there's a whole load of mitigating factors there. I don't think Schlott's particularly helped himself, but equally, it's one of those things, whenever I'm watching Liverpool or whenever I'm with Liverpool fans, I sort of think yeah they're right slot's got to go this is and then I sort of get away from that and sort of think about that well actually there's loads of reasons why it hasn't really worked this season and given you know he did win the league in his first season I don't think it was as simple as he just inherited Klopp's team I think he did do things with it well took the temperature down as Barney said and that's not an insignificant feat he probably does deserve another season but I wouldn't go into that next season with any great confidence although I mean if he did just turn

22:26Jonathan Wilson:the temperature down that means he just left the cup of tea on the side and as we've established that is now the problem but we we can't delve any further yes he wanted to do that to to you know

22:37Barney Ronay:his style is to have more control i think jonathan's right i was probably a bit harsh there i think vertz and izak playing together was the idea and remains the idea and they're both brilliant footballers and until they've had a chance to try and form some kind of attacking chemistry it's pretty hard to judge how all that went really isn't it the way various

22:55Max Rushden:big elite Premier League teams are at the moment, the title could be very much up for grabs next season. I'm not saying a Leicester could come along and win it. Certainly Leicester won't come along and win it. But there are various, you know, Liverpool look like there might not be much caught next season. Ditto Man City if Pep leaves. Depending on how they finish this season, we'll see how Arsenal are fixed but yeah it does look as Chelsea are a shambles Spurs are well who knows what will happen to them so it could be a very open title race next season so I think it is important that teams get their manager appointments right

23:49Jonathan Wilson:well and in the way Spurs played yesterday I will be lumping on for them to win the Premier League next year, and we'll start with them in part two.

23:58Max Rushden:I'm Kai Wright. I'm Kari Sherman.

23:59Barney Ronay:And we are here to tell you about our new show, which is rooted in this feeling that at least I have, I know you have, where, you know, it's kind of like when you wake up in the morning and you pick up your phone and you're just hit in the face with a fire hose

24:15Max Rushden:of news, right? There's war, there's authoritarianism, our planet is burning. I could go on and on and on. On and on and on. But like we're trying to figure out how to manage it, right? Like how do you manage it? I manage it by leaning in and trying to learn more and trying to figure out, OK, how can I be smarter about this particular topic? And who can I talk to that's going to make me feel better about it? And who can tell me who's responsible for the mess that I'm reading about? So that's our mission. That's the show. Welcome to Stateside with Kai and Carter. We're a new show from The Guardian.

24:47Jonathan Wilson:We're talking to big thinkers and the best journalists just trying to understand the world through smart conversation and honest reporting.

24:54Max Rushden:We don't have billionaires telling us what to say.

24:56Barney Ronay:Stateside with Kyan Carter will come out three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday starting May 13th.

25:02Max Rushden:Follow on Apple Podcasts or catch us wherever you watch or listen.

25:16Jonathan Wilson:welcome to part two of the guardian football weekly uh lee says has the witch's curse been lifted uh matthew says villa have a word with yourself letting the whole of football down aston villa won spurs two and now there were wilson two teams in this football match and Well, I mean, in a sense. So they both need discussing. But it's probably fair to Tottenham fans to say, to talk about Tottenham being good for perhaps the first time in months and months and months. Because they were really good. The midfield worked. They pressed well. They looked organised. It sounds to me like you're not going to spend much on this before you get to the Villa shambles.

25:52Jonathan Wilson:But I thought they were really good.

25:54Barry Glendenning:I don't dispute that Tottenham were much, much better than they've been for a long, long time in the Premier League. And that is a positive sign for them. and there does seem to be a fight and a spirit and a battle there and you've got to give Deserby credit for that. You can even see some of this baiting the press there, particularly in the second half. And Kinski's willingness to play the ball into what you would say were difficult positions, the midfield's willingness to deal with that, all of that is very positive and I think there's reasons for Spurs to be optimistic for the first time in months.

26:24Barry Glendenning:But you can't overlook the fact that Villa were disgracefully awful. I mean, really shamefully awful. and to an extent it's fair enough they've got themselves in a position where they've almost achieved their objectives and part of your reward for that is you can rest players if you have other priorities but still they were dreadful and what was really on this game for them that their objectives of this game were to come through unscathed in terms of injuries keep players fit for the the second leg of the Europa League semi and it's a happy byproduct for them that the team they play in that Europa League semi, more pressure is applied to them by the fact that they lost to Tottenham.

27:02Barry Glendenning:Now, that is not for seconds suggesting they threw the game. I'm just saying that Villa's motivations were not there and that really showed.

27:09Jonathan Wilson:Yeah, that is really interesting, Baz, isn't it? That actually, a Villa defeat is probably good for Villa in this game because it does mean that Forrest, who are playing Chelsea, most people will have probably heard this pod by the time that game happens. But, you know, Forrest are looking over their shoulder and they probably can't rest as many players as they want to against Chelsea today.

27:30Max Rushden:Yeah, they're right back in the relegation fight if they were ever out of it. And Unai Emery looked very fed up with what he was seeing yesterday, but I wouldn't imagine he cares too much because he only had four players in from the Europa League match the other night. He only picked four of them, rested the rest of them. and I wouldn't imagine he particularly cares about losing this game. And as you say, it does give Forrest plenty more to think about. If Spurs had lost this game, it would have been far better for Forrest, but worse for Villa.

28:11Jonathan Wilson:Barney, what did you make of Tottenham in this?

28:14Barney Ronay:Well, initially I felt cheated and very angry. As someone who's addicted to Spurs content, this wasn't what I wanted. and I felt hurt and personally upset. But then you have to actually give credit to Deserby properly. It's often really hard for managers to make an impact, but there's a lot of talk about how it's just, oh, they're running more, they're more motivated. But it's not just that. And I was sort of surprised that there wasn't some of the punditry on it because they were playing like a Deserby team rather than simply running. The way he plays is really interesting. We saw it at Brighton a lot, where the baiting the press stuff, which Jonathan mentioned, it's basically we play slow, then we play quick.

28:53Barney Ronay:and they were doing that and they were doing the thing of basically waiting on the ball playing it really slowly when they have in possession in their own half and then going quick that relies on the players actually buying into and understand what he's talking about and a lot of pressing is not just you need to run around need to run around it's a team game it's about drilling and knowing how to respond to players around you and that's something that he's had he's had eight days to train them in and they've clearly worked really hard at it and while Emery did look really annoyed He had that Richard Gere look.

29:25Barney Ronay:Steve Coogan identifies it in the trip, where he's sort of looking into the middle distance like that. It's like, is he furious or is he about to kiss me? I don't know. It's one or the other. He's about to say something about his father, or he's about to tell you that he's never going to speak to you again, or something. It's quite menacing, but also deeply seductive. He had that look on his face, because I think his team weren't ready for that. And yeah, okay, it's Jadon Sancho. Can you imagine playing anyone more amenable to an end-of-season game? Oh my God, they've got Jadon Sancho in the team.

29:57Barney Ronay:He's really going to be up for this. But they didn't look ready for that style. They didn't know what to do. People kept saying, why are Villa not acting? They're not running around. It's because they were being caught in that bait-and-press system and they didn't look prepared for it. And it's as though Emery himself had not seen a Deserby team before, which obviously he has. But I think he was thinking, oh, God, they're doing that thing and my players are not responding to it. And I think maybe that's why he didn't absolutely destroy them afterwards in the way I thought he was going to. But yeah, Spurs looked good.

30:29Barney Ronay:The midfield was great. Pelinha and Conor Gallagher running around a lot was really good. Not just running around a lot, knowing exactly where they needed to be to enact that system. And yeah, problematic for West Ham.

30:44Jonathan Wilson:And, you know, until Richarlison and Colin Moine looked better than I think they've looked, yeah, the first time that they've started together this season, but they did look like they had an understanding together, didn't they?

30:56Barney Ronay:What do you think about performative celebration of a tackle in the 27th minute? That's become a big Spurs thing. Like, oh, I tackled someone. Yes, yes. I mean, if you're playing against a guy doing that, how do you feel? Is it annoying? Is it fine? Do people do this at every level now?

31:14Jonathan Wilson:Yeah, I think it's annoying. I think it would get to you. Not at my level. I don't think, I mean, other people might say, well done, Caden. You know, well done, Rossi. Well in. But I don't think, I wouldn't want to see them Benucci-ing it quite, you know, until the 95th minute, perhaps. I was actually getting annoyed with the Villa fans who were getting annoyed with their team. Because I thought if they get so annoyed, the players might realise what's happening and then start playing well. And I was desperate for everyone to stay quiet about it. Keller makes the point that Spurs haven't lost a match since the club announced a merchandise collaboration with Peppa Pig.

31:47Jonathan Wilson:As a Liverpool fan desperate to stay in the Champions League after this lacklustre season, can we also have a Peppa Pig collaboration? We'll do the fix in just a second, but let's talk about Brentford's win over West Ham. There was a funny tweet from Jack Gambardella who just went, oh, look at me, I'm Brentford. I'm going to help Spurs and ruin the whole country's fun just so we can qualify for Europe. Grow up, he said, which lots of people took seriously. It was a good weekend for Tottenham. I mean, I thought Barry West Ham were quite unlucky in this game. You know, they hit the bar. I think they should have had a penalty where a Brentford player slipped and for some reason, you know, he still took out the West Ham player.

32:28Jonathan Wilson:They had that goal disallowed. And yet, defensively, they weren't quite up to it.

32:33Max Rushden:Wayne Rooney was extremely critical of their defending on match of the day on Saturday night. I thought he was a little bit harsh on them, but it wasn't great, and they did cough up a couple of soft goals. But I think they probably deserved a point. Hit the woodwork three times, you say, that Mavropanis bullet header, that was fractionally offside. But, you know, as we have established on this podcast, hitting the woodwork, it's not even a shot on target. So don't hit the woodwork. get it into that big rectangle inside the woodwork. But they lost, they lost heavily. And you would imagine, given the way Spurs are improving game on game under De Zerbe, that West Ham are probably the favourites to go down now.

33:28Max Rushden:And they do have a couple of tough games coming up as well.

33:32Jonathan Wilson:Yeah, they've got Arsenal at home, Newcastle away, which might be hard, hard to know. So I guess, Wilson, the moment where Dove, who has been really good for them, and his delivery is brilliant, but that foul on Watara, you know, you can just see occasionally a defender gives away a penalty and the rest of the team are just like, oh, mate.

33:51Barry Glendenning:Yeah, I mean, it was right over on the edge of the box. I guess from his point of view, he doesn't want to let him have time to measure across, but still, it's one of those instinctive fouls, isn't it? I guess it's quite hard to stop yourself from doing. But I mean, I think Juff is a really good attacking full-back. And I was really impressed by him at the Cop of Nations as well. Well, obviously, he ends up being the player who commits the foul, which gives away the late penalty and everybody walks off. And he fought his way into the side during the tournament. Ismail Jakob started off. And Jakob's had a good tournament as well.

34:24Barry Glendenning:But Juff, when he came in the third group game, was just so good that he fought his way in. And I think he's really been... Has he even been the best left-back in the Premier League this season? and he's certainly sort of in the conversation for it. But yeah, he didn't have the best game here.

34:41Jonathan Wilson:So the run-in then, Barney, West Ham have 36 points, Spurs 37, Forrest 39. West Ham have home to Arsenal, Newcastle away, Leeds at home. Spurs, Leeds at home, Chelsea away, Everton at home. Forrest play Chelsea today, Newcastle at home, Man United away, Bournemouth at home. What will happen?

34:58Barney Ronay:Well, I think it's possible that the sort of theatre of the Spurs collapse has disguised a little bit that West Ham also aren't very good. Like their base level is not that great and it's also not a particularly well-run club as are Spurs. And I think West Ham are in trouble now. What I sort of liked about this is I'd say Brentford and Bournemouth are kind of the sergeant majors of the Premier League. They're like the teams that decide, that keep everyone honest. There's a lot of stuff about why aren't Premier League teams as good as PSG and why aren't they as fresh as Bayern? and the response was, wow, look at the league they play in, look how tough it is.

35:37Barney Ronay:And that is true. I mean, Leeds can get in the Champions League if they win all their games. That can still happen. They can finish sixth or get relegated. And the league has been, in its middle and lower third, has been really strong. And you have to beat these teams who are really good, got really good players, really good managers. And that was what happened to West Ham, basically. They came against an opponent with something to play for in a live league and you get heartache even at this stage of the season so it was kind of good in a way I felt there was a kind of honesty to what happened in that game West Ham were a bit unlucky but they're not that good and they probably are I think West Ham's fans would probably say we probably are the third worst team in the league having said that they do also have good players in there and you know Jaira Bowen you kind of feel will have some say at some point before he leaves to go to Liverpool, along with Fernandes, who would probably solve two problems there if they went there.

36:37Barney Ronay:Just a thought. But I think they're in trouble, yeah.

36:41Jonathan Wilson:Brentford's win took them into sixth for a bit and then Bournemouth went into sixth after beating Palace, Barry. And for one of those teams, there's a really high chance that Villa finish fifth. There is a really high chance that Villa win the Europa League. And that means sixth gets into the Champions League. I mean, things have to happen. But for Brentford and Bournemouth, And there are lots of teams who are still in with a shout, right? Chelsea, Fulham, you can't really discount any body down to Sunderland. I mean, it'd be amazing if Newcastle or Leeds did it. But it would be amazing for Brentford or Bournemouth.

37:12Jonathan Wilson:I don't know who you'd prefer. Who would you prefer out of those two to be in the Champions League?

37:17Max Rushden:I wouldn't have a preference. I'd probably go Brentford just because Keith Andrews is in charge and he's an Irishman and I'd like to see him in the Champions League. But beyond that, I wouldn't really have a preference. It would be an unbelievable achievement for either of them. I think Bournemouth are probably better equipped to do well in the Champions League, but Andini Areola is leaving. But they always have a good succession plan, don't they? But yeah, I don't have a preference, to be honest. I'd love to see either of them in it. Although I don't want the Premier League to have six teams in the Champions League because it's at least one, if not two, too many.

37:58Jonathan Wilson:I mean, from that, we don't need to spend a lot of time on the Bournemouth Palace game, apart from a great, utter fury of Jonathan Pearce. Almost the reason I want VAR to stay is the fury that it brings on Jonathan Pearce and his just total disdain about that penalty. Zinnessy, brushed by Henderson, went down a couple of steps later, sniper style. Can we get to a stage, Wilson, where that isn't a penalty?

38:22Barry Glendenning:Oh, I don't know. I mean, I don't know anything with Bauer anymore. every week every game brings a new bizarreness and it's almost like the whole thing doesn't work which some of us have been saying from the start yeah I mean

38:39Jonathan Wilson:I see also the Sesco handball I guess that we're all just absolutely staring at Sesco's fingertips

38:44Barry Glendenning:well or the penalty Arsenal didn't get last week which I mean I was stunned that was overturned against Atletico no the real issue is hair pulling

38:54Barney Ronay:I mean well of course the reason hair pulling has become important is because you can see it and you can say it's happened that's the reason you they can they can make a rule that they they've made a rule they can enforce everything else is vague but that's one thing we actually can do we can see if someone's touched hair so therefore we can send people off for it i think it's absurd certainly if i were playing in the premier league now i would grow an incredibly provocative rat's tail um that Nobody could resist grabbing. Would you dye it a colour?

39:27Jonathan Wilson:Would you put little shiny sparkles on it?

39:30Barney Ronay:No, I'd have a little spike and I'd put a marshmallow on it. And I would go out to play like that. And I would get a contract in the Premier League. I don't need a huge salary, but just a year's contract just to get other players sent off grabbing the marshmallow off my rat's tail. Because VAR can get involved. We can see that and we can say it's happened. They've invented a rule that they can enforce. That's what's happened there. Because it's not... I think if you're going to have that rule, the only way it's justifiable is, okay, you can have long hair. But if your hair touches someone else, you get sent off as well.

40:01Barney Ronay:Because I would find it annoying to have people's hair, Cucurella's hair shoved into your face while you're trying to mark him. That's offensive. So he needs to either remove the hair or tie it in a neat bun. What about sort of swimming hats? Swimming hats are fine.

40:15Jonathan Wilson:Swimming hats are fine.

40:16Barry Glendenning:Well, what about those sort of, you know, in bakeries, they have to wear those hats. And yeah. that's obviously accepted yeah but you you can still grab that yeah it should be a swimming hat covered in baby oil so yeah the hair is either verboten or not verboten so if i am touched

40:36Barney Ronay:if cucurella's hair is shoved barry's marking cucurella at a corner he's you're allowed to get close suddenly he's got this kind of hair who knows what products are on it that's not acceptable

40:46Max Rushden:Does it smell nice? Because if it smells nice, I'd be okay with that.

40:52Barney Ronay:But if you raise a hand just to brush Cucurella's hair out of your face, you'll be sent off. What if it smells like the body shop?

40:57Jonathan Wilson:That's too much at a corner, isn't it?

40:59Max Rushden:But if he's like Wilson and I and never use a shampoo, then it probably doesn't smell great. It might be that musty, you know, that musty smell you get from unkempt hair worn by a weed smoker. that I'm not suggesting Marco Cruella is having bifters in his spare time, but I don't want that in my face.

41:22Jonathan Wilson:Okay, let's end part two and begin part three at St. James' Park.

41:34Jonathan Wilson:Welcome to part three of the Guardian Football Weekly. We don't need to spend too long on Newcastle-Brighton. It was an important win for Newcastle-Baz. Lots of questions about them off the pitch, but Eddie Howe needed this.

41:44Max Rushden:He did need this, and because Newcastle won and I don't like them, I'd rather focus on the Brighton goal because it wasn't mentioned on Match of the Day, and at the risk of incurring the same kind of ridicule I got for two years after suggesting Ethan Pinnock's goal against Liverpool was a potential goal of the season, that tap-in, Farrah Post tap-in, I think this Brighton goal was sensational. And it didn't even merit to mention a match of the day. I know their time is limited and they had other things to talk about. But you had Beliba to Gross to Hinchelwood to Welbeck to Matoma to Hinchelwood to Welbeck to Hinchelwood again.

42:26Max Rushden:Boom, straight through the middle. What's that? Nine short, sharp passes.

42:31Jonathan Wilson:What a goal. Well, I will say this. I think you're right. It's a brilliant goal and it's a bit reminiscent of that Jack Wilshire goal. Was it against Norwich? I forget. I can't remember. It was a beautiful goal. The issue I have with it, Barry, if I'm being a real pedant, and I'm looking at the screen and there are some pedants amongst us, is that it's a bit bobbly. The touches are all good, but it's a bit bobbly for a perfect goal. I mean, it is brilliant, but I'm saying it's like a bobbly Jack Wilshire goal. That's what I'm saying. Does anyone like to agree or disagree with me, Wilson?

43:07Barry Glendenning:Yeah, I agree with you. I agree with you. I'd been thrown back to a game I played in where we were a terrible team and we were getting battered. And I was playing centre-back, which is never a good idea. And I suddenly found myself in the opposing box after sort of a dozen sharp passes between us. And I was so startled, I just sort of scuffed it miles wide. But it is nice when that suddenly happens. It is a thing I enjoy in football.

43:32Jonathan Wilson:Yeah. Okay. Well, that's, I mean, it's good to bring it. I mean, look, far bit from me to accuse anyone of being self-indulgent. Stop myself just in time. And what was the other game? Leeds beating Burnley 3-1 on Friday night, which pretty much guarantees their safety. So well done to them. Scott Parker left just after we finished recording on Thursday. Are you surprised that he's gone, Barney? What do you make of that?

43:56Barney Ronay:Yeah, I think I'm a bit surprised. Are you obviously in situations like that you don't know what's happening internally? Scott Parker can be quite unforgiving about things and you know he's a he's a man of principle but he's probably quite a good manager to have in the championship and there seems to be a kind of it's like he's died there's a lot of sort of tributes being paid to him and sort of somber kind of noble eulogies so I do wonder what what exactly happened there and I would have thought he'd be a good person for next season but it's I think it's internal politics I don't think it's entirely they haven't had a great season but I don't think he's done a bad job in any sense and I always like to see him because he's always so chiseled and perfectly dressed as we know and he's varying his look more now it's less kind of funeral director eastern funeral director he now has a kind of range of

44:47Jonathan Wilson:golf casual as well which is nice um in the EFL then it was the last day uh so lots of excitement to Ipswich with 1-0 up after three minutes and 2-0 up after nine minutes, I think, against QPR. So that was sort of, it was a party for them at Portman Road. They went up on 84 points. Millwall had 83, Barney, and you were there to see your side beat Oxford. And like, they've had an amazing season and now they have Hull in the playoffs.

45:13Barney Ronay:Yeah, I mean, it was one of those things. It lasted three minutes. I mean, it always felt like Ipswich's day, really. And it was great to see that they had their most charismatic frontman there singing a song of victory and bringing everyone together with his global renown at the end of the game and good luck to nick ames and i think ed sheeran was also there um but the the mill game was really good i mean mill a good team femi aziz was great uh playoffs good and they're going to play hull i mean i went to this game in the hope there would be a promotion party it was also it was just a really good south london day the ground was full it was beautiful sunlight everyone got behind the team and it was just a kind of nice vibe i was actually using this game to experiment but to pilot my new video role i'm going to start videoing things a bit more on the world cup so i thought why don't i just practice a bit with this so i thought i'll just video the whole day and and it'll be a nice south london day and i'll capture all the stuff around it you know from me getting on the bus to the ground and that lasted about 10 minutes on me getting onto the p12 in Nunhead to go there where within five minutes there was a guy with who was on crutches but was also incredibly threatening trying to rip open the door to the driver's thing you know that plastic thing and chanting QPR slogans at the rest of the bus trying to start a fight but he was on crutches normally he wanted to fight him and then when we got to Newcross a guy sat down next to me with the entire tray from a Sainsbury's local with salmon he just walked out with it and sat down next to me and started trying to sell it to people on the bus.

46:50Barney Ronay:And people were... And I thought, I don't know if I can really video this. I would have felt bad videoing that or might have been in trouble. It's nice to see local fishermen flourishing, you know, local trades. But I got to the ground and it was just, I can't video these people. I'm going to be laid out with a single... I'll become a meme, you know, I'll become immortalized forever.

47:12Jonathan Wilson:I've got to say, of all the people I'd like to see It's just pivoting to things I wish I'd told my 20-year-old self and sort of talking slowly as you aimlessly wander about town. I'm all for you becoming that guy, Barney. I think you'd be great.

47:28Max Rushden:We should do World Cup videos as well, Max. I think a lot of them will just be me giving out to you for not doing the washing up, for leaving your laundry strewn around, for stealing my can of Lynx Africa.

47:43Jonathan Wilson:a lot of them barry will be you telling me how to behave in a pub because you presume i've never been to a pub before i'm just not as good at being in the pub as you and so you'll be giving me lessons on where to sit and how to address people in a pub as if i'm completely a useless human that's what'll happen and there'll be me videos of me just poking you in the face for hours on end until you finally crack uh that's what'll happen so yeah listen to our daily pods uh as we want to kill each other in the United States. Southampton Middlesbrough is going to be the other semi-final. Wrexham miss out on the playoffs because they drew 2-2 with Middlesbrough, so Hull get their spot.

48:22Jonathan Wilson:Sheffield Wednesday's first home win of the season. Blimey, in their last game, they beat West Brom, so they finish on the magical nought point figure after that 18-point deduction. It was a sold-out Hillsborough. New owners have been announced. They were given a 15-point deduction for next season, but it's been wiped, and the video went down, the countdown, 15-0.

48:41Barry Glendenning:It was great. They did that really well as well, didn't they? Because it wasn't just sort of 15, 14, 13. They paused at moments. They really sort of...

48:48Jonathan Wilson:Yes, paused at nine. Yeah, yeah.

48:49Barry Glendenning:And there was some quite big cheers quite early. And then they realised, hang on, it's still going down.

48:53Jonathan Wilson:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved it. Roy Hodgson's Bristol City spell is over, but by all means, keep sending us his whereabouts, be it the West Country or anywhere else. League One, the top of it was pretty much sorted. Lincoln and Cardiff up. Stevenage snuck into the playoffs with a goal that is impossible to see if it crossed the line at Luton's expense. And Luton are very disappointed about it. But, you know, how the hell does anyone know? But it was given. And so well done to Stephen who's there and they'll play Stockport. Bradford will play Bolton at the bottom. Leighton Orient survive. Exeter go down.

49:27Jonathan Wilson:Richie Wellens, the Leighton Orient manager afterwards, was great when he just said, I've wasted a year of my life managing this team and they've wasted a year of their lives. They shouldn't be celebrating. The fans should, but they shouldn't. Billy Sharp's final game. He scored a hat-trick for Doncaster away at Peterborough. So there's a man who scored hat-tricks in the league in his teens, his 20s, his 30s and his 40s. So well done to Billy Sharp.

49:48Max Rushden:Just going back to that Richie Wellens, I won't say rant because it was a very measured seven-minute long soliloquy, but I watched the last episode of Series 3 of Ted Lasso on Saturday morning, and then I saw the Richie Wellens rant in inverted commas later in the day. I was thinking, Ted Lasso wouldn't do that.

50:15Jonathan Wilson:No, I think Ted Lasso would be different if it was called Richie Wellens and the whole thing was Richie Wellens. Top of League 2 then, Bromley and MK Dons were already up. Bromley are champions. So Cambridge just needed to do at least as well as Salford did, Knox County. And it turned out that Cambridge and Salford and Knox County all drew, which means that the mighty youth are promoted and there was a real agonizing wait. When our game finished, we missed a penalty in the first half and then our game finished. Their keep had a brilliant game and we just didn't know what was happening at Salford.

50:47Jonathan Wilson:And then it turned out that they'd also drawn 0-0 at Crawley who were fighting for their lives and they stayed up. And then when you see the penalty that Salford didn't get awarded, you think sometimes it is just your lucky day. And Carl Robinson was not happy and probably fair enough. So that means Salford are in the playoffs. They'll play Grimsby who snuck in. Not Scouting who played Chesterfield, but well done to Neil Harris and Mark Bonner and everyone at the Hughes. I'm delighted. At the bottom, Harrogate lost. And that draw for Crawley. Tramier drew as well means that Harrogate are down, Barrow down as well.

51:19Jonathan Wilson:They were pretty much already down. And also worth saying that Rochdale, who agonisingly missed out on promotion to the Football League after that injury time, equalised as they conceded to York. They are in the playoff final where they'll play Boreham Wood at Wembley. So I think most people will be pleased to see Rochdale going up as well. Jonathan writes, Afternoon, Max and panel. Long-time listener, first-time emailer. Congratulations on Cambridge's promotion this weekend. Hopefully that helps get this read out. I'm just emailing to say that I was one of 1 ,600 fans watching a playoff final on Saturday at Tier 9 of the Pyramid, making a five-hour trip to see Grantham Town beat Newark Town 2-0 to seal promotion.

51:58Jonathan Wilson:I just thought Grantham and Newark could be closer than that. Anyway, that's not the interesting part of this. The only other time we've got a mention on the pod is when Crows devoured our pitch a couple of seasons ago, added to the fact that this year was our first winning season since 2018. And the last few years have been utter dross. Saturday was epic. We were great. We finally broke our playoff curse. I've been walking on air ever since, despite it being the most excruciating 90 minutes imaginable, never believing it could happen until about 30 seconds from the end. Alas, this tale doesn't include vasectomies, upcoming nuptials or meeting former England manager in the wild.

52:27Jonathan Wilson:But for one day this weekend, a team made a town absolutely delirious. And ultimately, that's what it's all about. Thank you, Jonathan. So how far did he stay out of travel? He said a five-hour round trip for Newark and Grantham.

52:39Barry Glendenning:I mean, unless the trains were particularly screwed, that's just nonsense. I mean, it's not even half an hour, is it, on the L and the R?

52:46Jonathan Wilson:That's what I thought. Maybe he lives somewhere else. I mean, that is entirely possible.

52:51Barney Ronay:He may have to ride one of those tiny folding bikes to get to the train. You just don't know.

52:56Jonathan Wilson:That's true. Or he might have been one on a Laurel and Hardy uppy downy.

52:59Barry Glendenning:Yeah. I just think the kind of, you know, complaining about travel when you're literally, you have a station next to each other on a major rail line. Come on, mate. It's worse to call. Yeah. It's an outrage.

53:11Jonathan Wilson:Nathan says, Dear Max, Barry and everyone, a big howdy from Abilene in Texas. I'm writing because I may have stumbled on a potential revenue stream for the pod. Several weeks ago, I tried listening to an episode while lying in bed at night, only to fall asleep less than 10 minutes in. Something about the panel's soothing voices and low-key banter just knocked me right out. Since that night... Low-key? Low-key. These are bad emails, Max. Why are we reading these out? Since that night, whenever I've laid my head down for a quick afternoon nap, I've bypassed my white noise app and instead pushed play on Football Weekly.

53:45Jonathan Wilson:The episode featuring Sam Dalling's extended metaphor comparing Newcastle United to coffee cake was a reliable go-to. Wow, goodness, this tea one will get people out of the water to sleep straight away. However, I'm now afraid that this move may have negative repercussions as I found my eyelids getting dangerously heavy on the 181 mile drive for my daughter Charlotte's soccer game in Dallas today. I stopped at a gas station to splash water on my face in the bathroom sink. But before long, I was tired again. That's when I realized maybe it's because I'm listening to the pod. I switched to Sirius XM Radio's VJ Big 40 countdown of the top hits from the week in 1983.

54:20Jonathan Wilson:and thanks to ZZ Top Culture Club and Thomas Dolby I arrived at Moneygram Soccer Park safe and sound. Could there be something here? Maybe a selection of Guardian sleep sounds weekly featuring Wilson reading excerpts from his book. Lars talking about XG, Johnny Liu explaining the coefficient, etc. You could bring peaceful sleep to a stressed out football loving world. So sad I couldn't break away to make the 217 mile drive to catch you guys in Austin. I'm hoping to get a chance to meet you to the day England played Croatia in Arlington a mere 163 miles from my home. Texas is big. Thanks, y 'all, for what you do.

54:54Jonathan Wilson:Sincerely, Nathan. So there we go. Thank you, Nathan.

54:57Barry Glendenning:Right. So near to Grantham is 15.6 miles. I think Jonathan, okay, he's already asleep. Wilson is fine. He's already asleep. No, no, this is the first person. What was this bloke called, Max?

55:10Barney Ronay:Nathan, the man is falling asleep.

55:13Barry Glendenning:So I think Jonathan should listen to Nathan's email and think he's travelling 181 miles to see his daughter's soccer game or something. He's considering going 217 miles to see you. And there's Jonathan complaining about a major football match, including his team.

55:26Jonathan Wilson:It's 15.6 miles away. As I said, he may not live in Grantham or Newark. That is the possibility that we haven't considered.

55:33Max Rushden:But the Moneygram soccer park has 19 pitches. So if he got there, he would probably struggle to find which field Grantham are playing on. It's a good point.

55:44Barney Ronay:yeah on that note we should also do a shout out to the southern playoff final tonight hitching town against biggalls wade uh on top field it's um another one of those very close together but probably quite hard to get their places and you don't want to mess with biggalls wade who sound a bit like one sounds like one of those places ali g would always have a beef with like the biggalls wade massive there's three different teams in biggalls wade it's a it's a

56:13Barry Glendenning:They fractured City football wise. City.

56:17Jonathan Wilson:Hamlet, whatever it is. We've exhausted everything we needed to exhaust today. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Barry. Thank you. Thank you, Wilson. Thank you. Thank you, Barney.

56:27Barney Ronay:Thanks. Goodbye, everyone. And just to echo Richie Wellens, I also feel incredibly betrayed and I've wasted quite a lot of the last 57 minutes. And everyone in this pub needs to take a really good look at themselves.

56:40Jonathan Wilson:Football Weekly is produced by Silas Gray. Our executive producer is Joel Grove and we'll be back on Wednesday.