Haaland at the double as Champions League returns: Football Weekly

20:02Nicky Bandini:All right, I'll do it for part one. Part two, we'll begin with Dortmund's win over Villarreal.

20:09This message is for all of you who take your barbecuing seriously. Yes, I'm talking to 99.9 % of all Aussies. Apologies to the 0.1 % of you who might find this a bit boring. But if you want to take your barbecuing to the next level, you need to know about outdoor grilling equipment from Made In, the company that supplies many of the world's most famous chefs. Their carbon steel griddle, for example, is a professional-grade griddle that turns an ordinary barbecue into a large restaurant-style flat top. It's perfect for snags, steaks, veggies, fish, and breakfast foods like pancakes and eggs and bacon.

20:44Pair it with the Made In grill press, and it can even make mouth-watering smash burgers just like you'll find in your favourite restaurants. So if you want to up your barbecuing game, and who doesn't? Do what the pros do. Barbecue with Made In. Go to madeincookware.com.au for 10 % off your first order of$149 or more. That's m-a-d-e-i-n cookware.com.au.

21:19Nicky Bandini:Welcome to part two of the Guardian Football Weekly. so Dortmund 3, Villarreal 2 Archie this was a good game I mean the Gerasi own goal is absolutely sensational, if we can cut to the chase, gets the ball absolutely booted into his face and it's almost like he stays up enough to see it go in and then just crumples it's wonderful Funny thing is, you have invaded my mind so much now, that when I saw the goal I was like, Max is gonna love this. I'm sorry to have done that Archie. And in fact That even, we will talk about Fulham eventually, but even when Fulham conceded that comical second goal on Saturday, I heard your laughter in my head as it happened.

22:01Nicky Bandini:And I thought, this just makes it worse. But yes, this was, it summed up the bizarre nature of this game. Dortmund go ahead with an own goal in the second half. Villarreal have a few chances, don't score, equalised from a corner from a bloke called Mourinho. No, Santiago Mourinho, no relation. Villarreal should go ahead or could go ahead if it were not for a stunning save from Gregor Cobel. Fabio Silva, he formerly of Wolves and Rangers, comes on for Dortmund. Not really did much, didn't do too much last season, but sparked him into life, assists Guirassi. Guirassi then scores from a penalty. And then you think, well, Guirassi's having a great night.

22:41Nicky Bandini:He was until he has the ball pushed in his face. Villarreal also nearly equalised after that. And that second goal for Villarreal was also in injury time already so yeah it was bizarre the headline though for Dortmund is what happened in the first half where Konstantinos Karetsas became the second of Dortmund's major signings this summer to go off with what looked like a serious injury he was rushed to hospital with respiratory problems and this is after Giannis Konstantelias another Greek wonder forward that they signed this summer did his ACL in the first Bundesliga game of the season it does mean that Ethan Warneri is going to get a lot more opportunities than I think he even would have bargained for when he signed on deadline day for Dortmund.

23:33Nicky Bandini:Sad the circumstances that are opening it up Warneri it should be said did well last night in both directions hit the post created the winner on Saturday and also great sliding tackle, which you wouldn't have expected of an attacking midfielder. But yeah, that's how it looks for Dortmund. And who are not going to challenge Bayern? Who are going to just fall behind and come second to Bayern this season? Who are our hopes on to keep the title race going until March or February? Dortmund. 13 of the last 14 Bundesligas have been won by Bayern. As I think you know, the one that they didn't win, Leverkusen were perfect in that season they were unbeaten that is the level that you have had to reach if you forget Dortmund uh throwing the title away on the final day a few years ago yeah what a shame it's it's it's I it's a talk in Germany no I know you've lost hope but like everyone else has too fine and and but is there anything done to to fix it is there sort of like a everyone's frustrated about and goes oh this is annoying but like but is there a force of will to make something different happen in germany there is a kind of a grudging acceptance of it and also everyone supports their own teams there's not cause so everyone is so focused on that there is not a like everyone kind of knows how bad the situation is some people talk about playoffs i don't know how much that would solve it could they all agree not to sell their players because you know could they all because they self-interest happens so suddenly buy and say we'll give you 80 million for this guy you go okay but like you could all agree not to sell your players to buy it i know they'd buy other good players from elsewhere but i can tell that you live in premier league land where like money is resplendent and you don't necessarily have to to sell but like the financial realities of these clubs sure but they could sell them to someone else couldn't they i know it's a stupid question i understand it's a stupid question i don't i don't necessarily think it works like that uh or or they have to i mean stuttgart did last summer they did their very best to not sell to bayern and sold voltermada to newcastle but buying have so much more money max that even then you're just talking about one factor here there's not much you can do it is a problem of modern football not just in Germany, of how powerful the biggest clubs are.

26:04Nicky Bandini:And it probably warrants a longer and more nuanced debate than I'm giving it here. Fair enough. Lille 2, Betis 3. Barry, what a week for Troy Parrott.

26:13Max Rushden:Yeah, this was Betis' first Champions League game in 21 years. They're managed by Manuel Pellegrini, who we all remember from Man City and West Ham, was it? The Premier League manager who looked most like a ghost. David Ancelotti is in charge of Lille. I think it's his first major job as a head coach on his own. And Betis came into this game, obviously, on the back of a 1-0 win over Real Madrid, which the winner in that was scored by Troy Parrott, Ireland's Troy Parrott, who signed for AZ Alkmaar during the summer. and I suppose the most remarkable thing about this game is Lille took the lead twice and were pegged back twice but the first four goals were all headers and they all came on the back of brilliant crosses.

27:08Nicky Bandini:Yeah, oh yeah.

27:09Max Rushden:Like some superb, I think three set pieces and then one from open play and Ethan Mbappe, Killian's younger brother. Ethan Mbappe crossed for the first. Ayas Ueda couldn't miss, like couldn't miss. It was so perfectly placed. Pablo Farnells provided the cross for the second Mark Bartra headed home his first of two a pairing corner for the third and then an Isco free kick for the fourth so it was 2-2 and Betis won it with a Troy Parrot goal Raquel May was bustling through midfield it looked like he was fouled and the little players kind of all paused because I think they were expecting the ref to blow his whistle but he didn't.

27:54Max Rushden:He played advantage. Raquel May played the ball through to para and he jinked one way and the other to make a bit of room against the defender that was on him and then rolled a lovely shot into the far corner. So fair play to him. I think that's two goals he scored since going to Bettersen. Two big goals.

28:13Nicky Bandini:Yeah, and he took this one really. It was a brilliant goal. Ethan Mbappe sent off as well in the second half for elbowing. That was nasty. It was, yeah. Off the ball elbow. Really nasty. you know like when var's there like you know trying to say to the ref something like i didn't mean it gov or whatever you're thinking yeah i think ethan perhaps you did it was uh when power up the score and it cut away to olivier geroux i was like ah this is such a nice day for learning where people are isn't it four nows olivier geroux jan summer um uh the other game aak i think's beat last one nil this free kick nikki from raz van marin wow so good it's so good business one of those ones you watch and you're like that just can't be going in and then and then it is uh because he's put so much bend on it clearly with all these other games on did not get to give my full attention to the 90 minutes in this one but if you're going to get one highlight from a game that free kick is well well worth your time yeah because the keeper is basically in the top corner but it's nowhere near it it's absolutely brilliant it's you know it's hit to

29:12Max Rushden:his side but yeah it's so much dip uh just because luca jovic scored a brilliant diving header that would have put AAK Athens 2-0 up. That was brilliant. I love a diving header in this one. Brilliant. But unfortunately, someone had strayed offside in the build-up to the goal, so it was ruled out. If I was him, I would be so pissed off. On the Keith Houchin level? So pissed off.

29:37Nicky Bandini:Compared to Houchin, where are you putting it? Much better. Better than Houchin? Yeah.

29:40Max Rushden:Wow. Probably not as significant, but better. And on a good night for finding out where people are, Sasa Kaladzic was playing for Lask, the former Wolves striker, who I think spent four years at Wolves and maybe played for them about ten times. Is he the enormous one? Yeah, the big lanky fella. I think he did his knee on his very first appearance, and then when he came back, I think he might have done his knee again. So he had a rough time with it at Wolves.

30:07Nicky Bandini:Anyway, Liverpool Atleti tonight and Napoli Arsenal. So we're doing a pod on Friday because we've got a live show tonight, so we're not going to watch the games while doing the live show and also there's champions league on thursday night as well for some reason so we'll cobble it all together for friday's pod but we'll look back at the championship carabao cup um and you know just weddings in part three

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31:11Apologies to the 0.1 % of you who might find this a bit boring. But if you want to take your barbecuing to the next level, you need to know about outdoor grilling equipment from Made In, the company that supplies many of the world's most famous chefs. Their carbon steel griddle, for example, is a professional grade griddle that turns an ordinary barbecue into a large restaurant-style flat top. It's perfect for snags, steaks, veggies, fish, and breakfast foods like pancakes and eggs and bacon. Pair it with the Made In grill press and it can even make mouth-watering smash burgers just like you'll find in your favourite restaurants.

31:45So if you want to up your barbecuing game, and who doesn't, do what the pros do, barbecue with Made In. Go to madeincookware.com.au for 10 % off your first order of$149 or more. That's m-a-d-e-i-n cookware.com.au.

32:13Nicky Bandini:welcome to part three of the guardian football weekly do you want a fuller minute archie before we get on to the caravan of the championship the sound the sound i make was when uh when watching the game is reminiscent of sideshow bob in the simpsons stepping on all the rakes yeah i It's just, oh, we are in trouble. We are in trouble. I think you'll be fine. I think you'll be fine. I don't trust you. You've been watching Tottenham. The risk does not match the reward with Alvaro Abeloa. The whole thing about pretty attacking football is it's so great because you're taking risks. and the thing is we cannot afford to take the risks that we're taking because we are defensively set up so badly when the locals are as restless as they were on saturday chanting what the fucking hell was that when your senior pros in alex awobi and emil smithrow are deleting insta posts uh after the game kevin uh who has been marginalized a bit uh you can't really be marginalised a bit can you he's been marginalised uh with posting cryptic monkey emojis uh on instagram and the seeming favouritism of the new real madrid recruits when particularly even though cesar palacio scored at the weekend i thought his performances so far have not really been at the level there is there is trouble brewing right there are rifts in the camp are there i don't know about rifts within but i think the relationship what i've heard about alvaro abaloa and his social competence is is not all that promising i hope that i'm proven so wrong against checks notes liverpool away and manchester united at home we have no points yeah eek but you do have

34:09Max Rushden:the three promoter teams after that in a role i think they all look better than us Yeah, there is that. Are the carrot hummus-covered carrot batons raining down on Craven Cottage from the stands in protest? Well, that's kind of the problem,

34:28Nicky Bandini:is because the new fans or the expensive seats are well looked after, but all I hear is about difficulties accessing the toilets in the non-carrot and hummus stands, of which there are more than those. They're the Baba Ganoush stands, aren't they? It's not fair, is it? It's not fair. I hate you. Yeah, I know. It's funny because whenever somebody posts, you know, the Fulham Ultras getting ready for the game and then it's a barbershop quartet singing, right? I can't help but find it funny. And it's like, this is pathetic. I need to be better than this. It's a real football club. It's also not true.

35:10Nicky Bandini:I know, it's all bullshit. You know, it always gets me. In the championship yesterday, Gerald Byrne scored twice to help West Ham beat Bolton 3-2. Keeper won't be happy with his second, which was the winner. In my mind, West Ham were having a terrible start to the season and now they're top of the championship. So things change very quickly. It's almost like, Nicky, you should just say, we should have an it's early days button and we can just press it again. Southampton beat Swansea 3-1. It was very noisy at Samaria's. It's like they put them, I don't know what they did with the microphone. It sounded distorted.

35:40Nicky Bandini:Like the sound was just wild there. Rexford Burnley drew. in the Carabao Cup third round last night, Ryan Christie got a first half hat-trick, Bournemouth beat Lincoln 4-0. Then we have, Barry, the which was the better chip? I mean, it's a question people keep asking. Why can't we just enjoy them both? Kamada for Palace or Talby for Sunderland, both breaking clear and then just, they're both such lovely finishes of just, you just see how good footballers are when sometimes they have a bit of time and space.

36:08Max Rushden:I'm happy to concede they're both brilliant chips. We can appreciate both. Obviously, I'm biased, and I'm going to say Talby's was better. But, yeah, it's an art form, isn't it? And it's a beauty. And, I mean, Sunderland beat Hull 1-0. Hull missed a good chance to score an equaliser near the end. But now that Sunderland have got past them, neither team put out full-strength teams or half-strength teams. I now think Sunderland have a very good chance of winning the Carabao Cup. Of course.

36:45Nicky Bandini:Bradford won 3-1 at Leighton Orient. Bradford scored an own goal. Macaulay Gillespie, I don't know if anyone's seen this one, where he absolutely volleys. He tries to swing with his right foot and he just hits his standing leg and goes in. It's like absolute crap 90s football elite level. So thank you for doing that, Macaulay. Joe Willock scored a late winner at the Den. So Newcastle beat Millwall 1-0. Chelsea play Leeds tonight. the other fixtures are next week in the carabao cup uh from the bbc an amateur goalkeeper the headline is london amateur goalkeeper could be next in line for ugandan throne it's an absolutely fantastic headline there's a an amateur team called the southeast dons founded in 2014 by british rapper andrew don strapsey mccue who has forgive me passed me by but then any music after 1996 is out of my comfort zone their current captain and goalkeeper captain and goalkeeper is called George Desmond Kamarasi.

37:38Nicky Bandini:And he is the cousin of King Oyo Niyimba Kabamba Iguru Rokidi IV, who sadly passed away young from cancer, 34. So he is a direct descendant of the clam of Bablito. And this is not the king of Uganda. That's what the headline suggests it is. Uganda is governed by an elected president and parliament. It has several traditional kingdoms that continue to have a big cultural influence without having a lot of power. So this guy who currently plays in Bexley Heath may become a Ugandan king. It was a great headline. I don't have any questions off the back of it. I don't have any thoughts. I've got a question for you, Max.

38:19Nicky Bandini:Yeah, what is it, Archie? Which personality in football do you think would make a good king? I mean, like you instantly, would a good king or like a... Could me act like a king then? Act like a king. It's a totally different question, isn't it? I mean, instantly we go back to Mourinho. Yeah, right. That was when I thought it went. That sort of emperor sort of style, I imagine. But, you know, I mean, I guess some kings, presumably the ones in Scandinavia, are probably just quite nice and just potter about, aren't they? In which case, you know, it's just, I don't know, David Pleat. There you go.

38:52Nicky Bandini:What about that?

38:53Max Rushden:I think Thierry Henry would be a very wise and fair king.

38:58Nicky Bandini:Yeah, I think that's fair. I think so. Anyway, here we go then. And Dan emailed, hi, Max Barry and the panel, writing in hope of a shout-out from my longtime best friend Charles ahead of his wedding this October. In an astonishing turn of cross-departmental synergy, his wife-to-be Laura also happens to be the Guardian's deputy music editor and a damn fine journalist at that. This feels like a nepotism to be at the top of the wedding running order, doesn't it? The marriage of football and music is a lifetime in the making. Charles and I first made friends at school, playing in a terrible indie band around the West Midlands, in which he was the only Manchester United fan in a slew of golden black-clad wolves season ticket holders.

39:33Nicky Bandini:Thankfully, Charles' future father-in-law, a Cornish native, also lives up the trope of being a red devil living nowhere near Greater Manchester. So at least they'll have something to chat about at the reception. Presumably they've chatted before, you know. But anyway, whilst we all know I'm writing to hear a withering put-down from Barry on their futures together, I can honestly say I've never known two people better suited for each other. I know it'd mean a lot to Charles to hear your well wishes. If you can make it to Sheffield in a few weeks' time, there's always a spot for any of you at the Stag do.

39:59Nicky Bandini:Thanks. Dan. That is for Charles and Laura Barry.

40:04Max Rushden:Yeah. So, I mean, we are doing, I believe, three wedding shout outs. We are, yeah.

40:10Nicky Bandini:So I. Interesting to know where the listening figures, if they spike, if they go down. I'd say they slump. You think they slump?

40:19Max Rushden:Yeah. But, you know, this is like the unification church in Japan. Sung Hyung Moon's, you know, the mass weddings. so we just do one shout out for all three couples

40:31Nicky Bandini:Do you want all the emails together?

40:34Max Rushden:So Laura is Laura Snapes who writes for The Guardian I don't know Laura, I've never met her but I'm a big fan of her musings on music and I hope she has a very happy time with Charles and I hope this one works out this one I genuinely want to work out and as for the

40:53Nicky Bandini:The rest of them, he doesn't care It's this one you genuinely want to write The others, you've just been putting on a front.

41:00Max Rushden:I mean, I keep being confronted by all these people who have found love and happiness and are going to spend their lives together. I'm going to die alone, Max. Why should I want happiness for anyone else? Well, maybe it's a path to your own happiness

41:14Nicky Bandini:is to find the happiness in others. I don't know.

41:17Max Rushden:Anyway, my good wishes for Charles and Laura are genuine. As for the stag do in Sheffield, no, thank you. No, I'm hopeful, quite hopeful, I will never have to attend a Stag Do again.

41:31Nicky Bandini:You'll like this, Barry. I'm going on a lads weekend this weekend. What is Connect Four in the Cotswolds? Basically, it's already been established that most of them are doing a 20-kilometer run on Saturday morning. Like, what's happening to us? I'm going for a nice walk. But, yeah, it probably won't be wild, I imagine. Dan says, I wonder. This is still on Dan's email. We haven't got this. It's still the first one. I wondered if I could shamelessly ask you not one but two favours. I'm getting married in October. This is a bonus add-on. And the friends of my Football Weekly obsessive betrothed have asked if I could get him a wedding shower and have his stag do on the 11th of September.

42:07Nicky Bandini:For his sins, he's a Manchester United supporter. Luckily, so has my dad, which gives them something to talk about, presumably at the reception as well, which is the only thing that people can talk about at the reception. Obviously, neither of them from Manchester have ever lived there. There you go. So, yes, good luck to you, Dan, and your partner. unnamed partner in this. Rob in Dublin. Max, Barry and gang. Rob McCafferty of Dublin. Big Shelburne fan. UTR. I'm marrying my long-term partner on the 12th. Karen, who follows Bohemians. Go to Bohemians. Drop by for a beer if you're around. We're getting hitched after a whirlwind romance of 32 years when you know you know.

42:42Nicky Bandini:He says, I followed the pod from COVID times. Why bother? It must be a tax thing. wedding shout out to vasectomy the show has it all i'd love this summer's ensemble of bridge meals adverse love towards vegetables barry's love of leather who knew we'd love it i would love it if you could have a shout out the big day gets near apologies for my tidiness keep it lit lads says rob rob and karen barry as you say why bother this is for tax reasons that one looks

43:14Max Rushden:likely to last if it's good if they've gone 32 years i reckon that after 32 years they finally ran out of things to say to each other and there was nothing going on between, you know, bowls, shells, not up to much. Series three of Ludwig had finished. Yeah. A long pause in the conversation and either Rob or Karen sort of went, will we get married? Yeah, might as well. Something to do. So, yeah, good luck to them as well.

43:42Nicky Bandini:Good luck to you. And this one says, can move to Friday if needed. So let's move that to Friday. That's enough weddings, isn't it? For goodness sake, it's a football podcast. And that'll do for today. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Nicky. Thanks. Thanks, Archie. Thanks, Max. Thanks, Baz. Thank you. We'll see you all in Walthamstow later. If you're listening to this before the show, there is a live stream. So wherever you are on Earth, we haven't sold 7 billion live stream tickets, so not all of you have signed up. Not that we have 7 billion listeners. You get the point. Anyway, we'll see you all later.

44:13Nicky Bandini:Looking forward to it. Guardian Football Weekly is produced by James Pike Watson and Jesse Howard. Executive producer It's Tayo Papula and we'll be back on Friday.

44:31Max Rushden:This is The Guardian.

44:42This message is for all of you who take your barbecuing seriously. Yes, I'm talking to 99.9 % of all Aussies. Apologies to the 0.1 % of you who might find this a bit boring. But if you want to take your barbecuing to the next level, you need to know about outdoor grilling equipment from Made In, the company that supplies many of the world's most famous chefs. Their carbon steel griddle, for example, is a professional-grade griddle that turns an ordinary barbecue into a large restaurant-style flat top. It's perfect for snags, steaks, veggies, fish, and breakfast foods like pancakes and eggs and bacon.

45:17Pair it with the Made In grill press, and it can even make mouth-watering smash burgers, just like you'll find in your favourite restaurants. So if you want to up your barbecuing game, and who doesn't, do what the pros do, barbecue with Made In. Go to madeincookware.com.au for 10 % off your first order of$149 or more. That's M-A-D-E-I-N cookware.com.au.