Piss Jug Man

0:00Ooh, is this thing on? Sound good. Yep. Sound good in my headphones. I'm going to turn you down. Yeah, clear that throat. Throat already. Immediately, as soon as the microphones come out, my throat just closes up. That's what happens. I should call you a throat goat. That's what they should call me. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's coffee. I think it's related to coffee. And I think that's what makes my throat kind of get really tight and close up like that. Are you allergic to coffee? I don't know. I think it just like is part of the experience. Should we just get into the show? Yeah. throat coat yeah sure definitely that's definitely what i uh want the opening to be for sure okay i'm really pushing it yeah oh yeah good nancy reagan

0:48three two one kevin what's up back in the new york groove yeah again you're here it's like the fifth time I've been back. Back like you forgot something. Yeah I don't think I forgot anything. You've been gone for how long? Six weeks? Five weeks? Like it was a month. That's funny like I thought you were sort of traveling America on this beautiful trip to sort of see the sights and meet the people and then I think about halfway through the trip I just realized that you were just traveling around with the Bengals. I mean it was just it was a coincidence. Yeah coincidence that you wound up in the same city as where the Bengals were playing each week for the past.

1:25It Well, I like seeing my family. That's right. And my family's in Cincinnati. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You check 10 days off there, first two weeks. Sure. And then... Happen to find yourself in Arizona. I haven't been to Arizona in a long time. Yeah. Like, I haven't been to Arizona since, like, late 21. And they just happened to be playing the Cardinals. Well, we were planning that already. Okay. And then there was, like, 10 days in the middle where I was like, well, I'm not going to fly back to New York. Yeah. Might as well go to LA and, you know, check out... Yeah. Yeah. Check out the Bengals again.

1:54So, yeah, I see you. I actually didn't check. Bengals were not in LA. Okay, really? That was the one week I missed. Come on, Kevin. But it was the worst week, so I didn't even care. Yeah, did you see Mr. Beast showed up to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers game in a full uniform? Yeah, I mean... Did you think he was going to get in the game? He wore the pants. Yeah, and the socks. And the cleats. Yeah, unless you're really athletically built. I could wear the pants and I'd look great. Oh, yeah, of course. But if you're not built like that, you cannot don those football pants. because they are extremely revealing to one's physique, and he looks like he sits all day.

2:30Yeah, regular people can't wear those uniforms. You can tell Mr. Beast sits all day. Yeah. Honestly, he looks insane. And what was it part of a bit? Was he? No idea. No clue. I think what cracks me up about Mr. Beast is like, he's arguably one of the most famous people on the internet, right? But in real life, he's still like a D-list celebrity, I feel like. You know, I feel like in real life. I don't know. I think the kids know him. Yeah, the kids. But I feel like YouTube celebrity is not the same as real life celebrity in terms of respect. Yeah, maybe probably in respect. Yeah. I feel like he probably has like 100 million more followers than like Kendall from Succession.

3:09But like if they both walked into a restaurant, like I feel like, you know, the eldest boy would get more love. Yeah, sure. You know, I could I get on board that. Yeah. But I don't know. He he kind of acts like he's Brad Pitt. You know, he kind of walks around and, you know, who would wear a full uniform to a game? I mean, I honestly respect it. I would. Yeah. I mean, at that point, like, you're missing out by, he had no pads on. You're missing out by not wearing pads. Yeah, you need the shoulders to look big. And even, like, throwing some of the knee and the thigh pads, maybe the hip pads in there, could have given him a little extra dimension.

3:40Yeah. He rolled the sleeves up. I think, you know, he's got a little bit of muscle. I saw some clip who said he was, like, working out or something. He was losing weight as part of his challenge or something. No, he is working out. Like, he looks, he has, like, he's done a good job in that regard. I'm ashamed of him. I don't want to body shame him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can definitely tell he's a YouTuber by his lower half. Just flat. Yeah, the legs. Yeah, skipped leg day for sure. I guess maybe Halloween is part. Maybe is it a costume? It's a little early for Halloween. Too early. We're still like, that was like a week and a half out at that point.

4:10Yeah. Well, I guess this is technically our Halloween episode, right? Is this weekend Halloween? Yeah, this weekend is Halloween. I guess so. I think next week will be the day after Halloween. Okay. It's not going to be so spooky. So this will be the Halloween episode pre-Halloween and then maybe a little post-game. Do you have a costume picked out? I think this is the first year I'm probably not going to dress up. Whoa. I say that now, but I may end up pulling something together at the last minute, which is kind of my MO. Part of, yeah, yeah, no, same, always. Part of my joy of this program and also the studio is watching you sort of and a lot of other people here get older.

4:44And part of getting older is what you just described is like, hmm, Halloween, I don't know. Maybe I don't want to put in the effort and get all dressed up and do something crazy. But then what happens is you do that, and then last minute you get invited to something, and you have to wear a costume. You can't just show up with nothing, so you do it in the last minute. My Halloween weekend's pretty booked already. Wow. Pretty stuffed, I'll say. Social Kev? I've got several social engagements. Two on Friday, two on Saturday. Whoa, flex alert. And then Sunday's blocked off all day to just lay on the couch and watch football.

5:14Watch football. Are you going to that thing in Bushwick with the big bikes? It's Red Hook. Okay. bike hill bike hill yeah yeah i feel like you've been doing that yeah multiple years we're gonna i'm gonna go early this year and i'm gonna you know have some fun yeah all day kevin a whole day of fun you see kevin on his bike uh at bike hill give him a shout out to your fan of the pod um we have actually a bunch of halloween stuff kevin but let's start with the first one which is halloween candies according to instacart i've been seeing a lot of instacart action i feel like instacart's making a big push here in terms of just being a brand that everyone is aware of that you can order groceries from.

5:50I feel like they're leading the way here. So they have the top 10. We love a top 10 list. Are they really just hammering home on your algorithm because they want to get you? I don't use them. But everyone is like Uber Eats and Seamless and GoPuff. You can get groceries. I would consider using any of them if they gave us some money to talk about them. I would use them. You bring up a great point. If any are listening right now, we will support you. Just send us anything and we'll give you free love on the pod. No, we'll give you paid love. This shit ain't free. Yeah. Real quick, let's give them some free press right now by announcing their top 10 Halloween candies of Instacart.

6:31One Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I agree with the goat. Peanut M &M's, M &M's, Tootsie Pops, Twizzlers, Hershey's Milk Chocolate, Sour Patch Kids, Candy Corn, Kit Kat, and 10th is Starburst. I have a problem with Tootsie Pops What is this? 1995? We've evolved past the need There's no way that Tootsie Pops Are selling like that in 2023 That's a Tootsie Pop PSYOP Yeah that's fucking, this is paid for, sponsored 100 % What is your, Kevin, Mount Rushmore of Halloween candies? It's 10am so A great time to talk about candy I don't really eat candy anymore Oh yeah, yeah, yeah I do, but I would have to go Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Peanut Butter M &M's.

7:14Peanut Butter M &M's? Yeah, Peanut Butter M &M's. Oh, really? Yeah. I would love to receive some of those. I just saw that they announced a giant Peanut Butter M &M, like a bigger one. Too much. Too much? Yeah. Okay. Keep them as they are. No need for innovation on the lentil front for M &M's. And then give me Twix. And then surprise number four. I've talked about this on the program before, but a hot dog from a dad grilling in the neighborhood. That's the best. Just where in the world are you doing trick-or-treating and someone's grilling a hot dog, giving out hot dogs to? I feel like that's pretty common.

7:48Yeah, that's pretty common. The suburbs. I will say that I agree. Savory Halloween should be a thing. Like, just give me a little, like, a quarter of a turkey sandwich. Yeah. Right? You know? All this candy, all these sweets. I'm more of a savory guy myself. So I've never seen that in a day in my life. Unranked, but number one would be that grilled hot dog from a father's grill. Yeah, it has to be from a father. On a suburban grill. In the front yard? In the front yard. To bring the grill around to the front. Yeah, front yard. It's usually for the parents, but then here's the thing. I'd be like, yo, let me have a hot dog instead of a candy bar.

8:21They're mostly like, sure thing. I think this was last year I went trick-or-treating in an Orange County West Coast suburb, and there were some alcohol trick-or-treat for the parents. And I thought that was something I had not seen before. It was just a bottle of wine and some glasses. A couple nips. Yeah, just like, hey, enjoy this. That's good. Your trick-or-treating just got a little bit more enjoyable. My Mount Rushmore, I agree, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is the goat. Number two, I'm putting Butterfinger. Okay. I think a nice little Butterfinger, solid treat. Mounds, an old school. Mounds?

8:58Yeah, old school. And then my fourth one, Mr. Goodbar. How about that? Damn you. I know. You're geriatric. I know. Mr. Goodbar and Mounds? I know, I know, I know. I was putting this list together and I was like, yeah, yeah, these are some old school treats. And they come with a little bit of dust on them. That's what I like. Yeah, I can get down with butterfingers. Get stuck in your teeth, though. Yeah, no. Don't lay a finger on my butterfinger. Do you ever have butterfinger BBs? Yeah, yeah, nah. Did I ever tell you about the time I sliced my finger open on a Boy Scouts trip opening? Not once.

9:32Why? You were just trying to get to the inside, do some dissection? I was. It was in second grade. Wow. My father gave me a very sharp Swiss Army knife. Like all good fathers do. And my mother gave me a pocketful candy. You were like, let me do some science experiments here? My dad set up the tan. I'm off with my friends. And I'm like, fuck, I want some candy. And I tried to open it. Couldn't do it. It's tough to open. So got the knife out and just flopped. Sliced the finger open. Blood everywhere. Wow. He's not making them for that reason, right? Went to the ER for like eight hours. Oh, really?

10:04Well, I had to wait. And then we came back. Wow. Went back. Came back and stayed the night. Wow. What a warrior. I am a warrior. Yeah. No, that's true. I believe that story only because of how much of a warrior you are. Yeah. You would never let that stop you. I don't have a choice. My dad's probably more of a warrior. We don't need to go there yet. Let's save that for therapy. So we have a bunch of stories here. Brands doing Halloween stuff. Not a ton. Right, Kev? Like kind of just a couple. It's a quiet year. A little bit of quiet. A bit of a year. Oh, did you see that striking actors are not allowed to wear Halloween costumes?

10:39Well, they are, but they have to be generic. Generic ghost, number one. So SAG-OFTRA, which is the union for the strike, right? The actors union. And so I thought the writer's strike was over, but I guess the writer's strike is over, but the acting strike is still happening. Is that another thing? I guess so. I don't really know. I'm learning. Yeah. We don't live on the West Coast. We don't care about this kind of stuff. But like essentially, I think there's still some sort of negotiations happening. So SAG-AFTRA actually, you know, sort of in an effort to sort of, you know, not cross the picket line or to sort of support the union, they've asked their actors to not wear outfits based on trademarked content or character IP.

11:23So no Barbie, no film superheroes, no Wednesday Addams. Basically, these actors, they've been asked by the by SAG-AFTRA to basically wear generic costumes. So ghost zombie spiders. That's what that's what they've. Frankenstein. Can they now Frankenstein? Is Frankenstein trademarked? Good question. What's the. Yeah. Where's the line there? What's the line? We need to get the lawyer on the phone. Yeah. What other generic like they have to be like a sexy doctor. Yeah. They can be a lot of sexy like, you know, things like that. Maybe that's what they're trying to do. Yeah. I mean, because then they don't have to fall into actual IP problems.

12:02But this seems ridiculous. They're really going to have to... Is this how you support the union? I guess. Whatever the union says, right? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. It's fine. I don't think it's... You shouldn't be promoting films that you haven't agreed with, right? Sure. I guess maybe this will stop celebrities from doing over-the-top costumes maybe a little bit. Probably not. But you know when I feel like every year like the game has been stepped up by sort of these actors that Ryan Reynolds insane amount of money like Ryan Reynolds and they'll like hire a stylist and then they'll spend like, you know, thousands of dollars to create some sort of costume.

12:39Mostly just for one picture that they can post on their Instagram. And yeah, maybe just put a sheet over your head like everyone else, you know. Yeah. Do it last minute like Kevin and I. And you don't have to go so crazy. Yeah. Or they said animated shows are allowed. Oh, great. Yeah, great. but like Pink Mouth I guess fuck the voice actors right yeah like what you know yeah Simpsons and Family Guy you can dress like them but not like real acts freaking sweet yeah Marvel characters I don't know who cares so we have some stories from some brands we've given trick or treat in the past right yeah where something is quality it's trick or something is not quality it's treat the SAG stuff's a treat okay so is that good or bad it's good okay that's good oh trick is bad yeah treat is good you don't want to be tricked okay cool so Sour Patch Kids right so Sour Patch Kids not on my list but I enjoy them from time to time were they on this oh they were number seven on this list from Instacart they have a cool idea it's called Cringe or Candy and essentially what they're doing is a TikTok campaign contest promotion which encourages fans to dig up their horrifying photos from the past for a chance to win grand prize of$5 ,000 and a bunch of other candy prizes You can submit your photos, basically click a button and share your sort of cringy photo from the past to be entered.

14:01And also they've asked people on TikTok to basically find the photo and then recreate the photo from the past in the present and then put it to an original song that they've hired Rebecca Black to sort of record called Can't Outrun the Ghost. and then they have the hashtag ghost from your past. This is a little complicated. Yeah, it's very complicated. I love seeing Rebecca Black winning though. Yeah, shout out to Rebecca Black. Good for her. Get that bag. Get that Sour Patch Mondelez bag. Yeah. This seems like a lot of work, especially if it's only like$5 ,000 and then you got to recreate your cringe costume.

14:39Yeah. This is a red flag trick. Yeah. In my eyes. I want to see what like, I don't know, how cringe are we going here? Yeah. I mean, listen, I think there's a lot of conversation about, you know, costumes in the past that are, you know, sort of, you know, canceled costumes. Yeah. That's you know, that's not cringy. That's fucking, you know, you shouldn't share those. So I guess like they're looking for things that you should be embarrassed by. I don't know. And I think it makes a little bit of sense. They got Rebecca Black. Obviously, she has her, you know, sort of cringe, cringe, cringey past.

15:16I think this is well done It just feels a little complicated But I don't know, I think TikTok people do Sort of complicated shit Right, like where they take an old I like that it's centered around people's narcissism Of their past Because I feel like if you are trying to create a TikTok challenge, it should be based on people's Yeah, look how cute of a kid I was Yeah, look at me as a kid, look at me now And isn't it funny that I did the same thing again Yeah, pretty funny What's a cringe costume? I don't know Like I've never had a cringe costumes. All my costumes have been fire. Yeah. I don't know.

15:49Yeah. I can't think of a cringe costume for me either. I don't know. I've done sort of lazy or lackluster costumes, you know, like just throw on a LeBron James jersey and a headband, you know. Cringe. Cringe. But like what I do now, like do it again. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I can't think of anything that really feels. I guess we'll have to. Maybe we'll have an update. Yeah. We'll have to update this next week. I guess we'll have to see if people do this. I mean, 5K, dude. That's five bands? I'd take that. 5K is nothing. 5K is, you're going to spend, you know, this content is going to cost you to, you know, sort of recreate your costume.

16:315K is nothing? I don't know. It feels like a lot of work for$5 ,000. But maybe it's worth it. Maybe it's worth it. And maybe this will make sense on TikTok. But I, yeah, I don't know. I think it, they got an original song from Rebecca Black, Kevin, you know? Pretty sick. Come on. You have to, you know, you got to get involved there. Rebecca Black is popping. She, her hit song Friday was 2011, Kevin. That's 12 years ago. Yeah. And she's had a massive glow up. Yeah. Yeah. Good for her. I'm glad that she's still like, you know, that moment was, was, was cringeworthy, but I think it, you know, I think it, it holds up.

17:09I think it goes, I think it goes fucking hard. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You do have to get down on a Friday. yeah that's facts everyone was she lying i don't think so not at all also i love that she like recorded that song and like uh it was like in a mall it was not at a mall but it was like some no i'm pretty sure it wasn't a mall or like some somebody in a mall maybe approached her yeah yeah it was a little talent agency yeah but like hey probably the greatest success story of mall talent agency history i mean question mark it's what's really interesting to me is like a lot of people get discovered walking around malls have you ever like realized that or like I hear a lot of interviews like I was just listening to Tom Holland on SmartList and he was talking about.

17:47Yeah, he was just at some thing and he got, you know, like was walking around basically. And someone was like, you could be a star, kid. And I feel like that happens like for models and actors. Like, I feel like more than 50 percent of those stories start with like someone approached me at the mall or I was walking around as a kid and someone like randomly came up to me and said, you should be a star. and then next thing they know, they're Spider-Man. You should be a star getting my van. I got candy. I got Sour Patch Kids. Yeah, that's what happened to Rebecca Black. I mean, there's got to be a ton of creepy dudes just perusing at the mall.

18:19A hundred percent. And some of them, I guess, maybe are talent agents. Yeah, exactly. Others are murderers. Nobody approached me at the mall. No, me neither. That's what I'm saying, Kevin. I feel like we missed out. I guess we weren't walking around the mall enough. Yeah, I guess I wasn't a hot enough. Yeah, that's really the problem, I think. I guess I wasn't hot enough. We weren't hot enough kids, yeah. All right, moving on. And M &M's has a partnership with GoPuff, speaking of instant delivery, called the Halloween Rescue Squad, where if your candy bowl is going empty, you can just call them up and within 30 minutes, they'll be able to fill it.

18:54It's called Halloween Rescue Squad. I feel like maybe this is going to maybe like three people are going to be able to do this. Yep. A recent survey commissioned by Mars found that nearly half of Americans who celebrate Halloween have worried about running out of candy for trick or treaters. Wow. Just get a second bag and put it in your house. And then even if it runs out, be like, yeah, we ran out. Yeah. Sorry. Be OK with disappointing people. Yeah. Right. It's fine. Early bird gets the worm. Yeah. So the thing that is interesting, I guess, is that they have the rescue squad will be on call starting at 3 p.m.

19:29on October 31st. We should call them. Yeah. And so they'll be able to just like under and out of the day. hour get you delivered i think most things deliver in under an hour these days right is that that doesn't feel like if they could they could do it in under you know 15 minutes i don't know i don't support the delivery economy you don't think so i don't support the delivery economy why because it's bad for the uh the people that deliver uh i mean i just i don't i don't i just would prefer to walk my yeah walk my tush down the street is it because people have to pee in jugs uh how do you like that transition that was a good transition we didn't well we haven't even given any of these It's a trick or treat.

20:02Oh, what do you, is this a trick or a treat? Sorry. This is a treat, I guess. A treat? Really? I mean, I don't know. I feel like it's pretty obvious. Is it offering like free delivery or something? Is it free delivery or is it just like you got to pay? Free. Free. Yeah, great. Okay, so basically you are running out of candy and you call the rescue squad and they deliver free candy. Free candy is the definition of a treat. Yeah, you know, HalloweenRescueSquad.com, call on the M &M's Halloween Rescue Squad. Do you just get regular M &Ms? Because I saw that as number, what, two or three on the list?

20:36Number three. That regular M &Ms? No way. Yeah. Get out of here. That's what Tootsie Pops like. Some 1940s shit. Yeah. We don't need them. Yeah. They've advanced candy a little bit. I think we've stopped innovating on candies 40 years ago, maybe 30 years ago. I think that's okay. You think so? Yeah, I think that's okay. Why? I feel like we should come in and someone should knock out some new innovation. Some new stuff. Not non-healthy. To have it be... Oh, okay, yeah. Not healthy. I'm with you there. There's a lot of healthy, like, new, better-for-you candy products. I'm aware of those things.

21:09I'm looking for new, crazy, not... What are those gummy worms that came out? Rotten? Yeah. Aren't those? Are those healthy? I don't think so. I think those are regular-ass candies. I think there's an idea here, Kevin. I think you just... But I think they really only innovated on... No shade to them, but they innovated on the brand and maybe not the product. Which is fine. I'm totally cool with that. Well, where's like Mama Fuku Milk? Like, I feel like they can knock it. Like, they've got some crazy cool, you know, sort of inventive people over there. Why don't they just create some candy, put in some plastic and, you know, make the world a better place?

21:42Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I think this is a... Sorry to wipe out your great transition. Yeah, I know. I think this is a treat, but we do have a quote before we get on from the president of sales and chief Halloween officer. Wow. That's a job? Imagine having that title. Yeah. I mean, what do you do for the rest of the year? You just take it up. Plan Halloween. You just plan Halloween the whole year. I mean, I guess if you had a candy company, that's the pinnacle of your year. No, it's true. They probably do most of their sales in October. 100%. So chief Halloween officer at Mars Wrigley, his name is Tim LaBelle.

22:13He said, quote, the Halloween season is expanding and enthusiasm is driving customers to stop to shop earlier and more frequently. As the authority on Halloween, we plan for the season years in advance, years in advance to ensure we satisfy shopper needs. from our first ever M &M's Halloween Rescue Squad to new product innovations. This is what I'm saying. Where's the fucking product innovations? Fucking Tim. We're doing everything we can to inspire more moments of everyday happiness this season. I mean, listen. Wow, what a good statement. Yeah, great quote, Tim. Thank you. I'm encouraged by the innovation.

22:46That's the thing. I think it was a good run for fucking Snickers and M &M's and Kit Kats. I'm ready for a new crop, a new class. Yeah. Those things, I've had them a hundred million times, you know, every year on Halloween. They're classics. It's fine, but I think we need... I want some 2023 shit. I want something funky. Fuck it up, someone. Well, they've spent years... Perfecting the recipes? Well, they've spent years preparing for this Halloween, Alex. What are they doing? They just partner with GoPuff and are offering free delivery of candy, which is cool. I get that. I think that's red. The leaking Speaking of the consumers are shopping earlier and more frequently.

23:29It's a bit dark. Yeah. Why? Why? Just getting ready? Too hyped? Probably because they just roll Halloween out in like beginning of September these days. I had a PSL this weekend. Oh, wow. Yeah. It was fucking delicious. Wow. Good for you. I forgot they put whipped cream on it, too. That's a real nice treat. Talk about treat. That is. Wouldn't be a pumpkin pie without a whipped cream. Yeah, a little bit of a whipped cream. No, pumpkin spice lattes are, again, like I said, I'm good for like three of them a year. Wow. And I had my first one. Putting up the numbers. Yeah. Doing the work. It was good.

24:03Alex is out there doing the work. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. You're welcome, Starbucks. I'm out here. And it was delicious. I will say I enjoyed it. In D.C., it was like kind of a cool fall day, PSL, Ugg boots, flannel, all of it. Was the Starbucks littered with people wearing suits? There was literally no one there. I think people don't spend a lot of time in DC on the weekends. It's more of a week, I believe. Maybe. Are you aware of Tony P? No. Tony P is an influencer. He's a 25-year-old consultant who's a bachelor living in DC. Okay, yeah. He vlogs his life and it's like, here's my fit for going out for drinks today after work.