THE 2023 BACKIES

0:00Okay, backies. Is there a backshots joke to be made here? Please don't Imagine backies here bro What does that mean? It's like a backshot Oh I guess I don't get it Because everyone's saying like backshots here Oh I guess so That's what people are saying I'm not in the know

0:233, 2, 1 Kevin What's up? Good to see you again man It's been a while. It's been so long. It's been a while. That vest you're wearing is so great. I've never seen you in it. Thanks. We are back for the baggies. The lesser produced show because you're right. We don't like to focus on the bag. Yeah. We really want to celebrate the best. But there are some things that we should talk about that happened this year. We need to admonish some of the worst. And we need to address them and say, listen, these things happened and we didn't forget. Yeah. Sunny days wouldn't be so special if it wasn't for rain.

1:07Poetic and beautiful, Kevin. The backies, of course, is the compliment award show to the fronties where we celebrate the worst of the year. Worst is strong, but, you know, the back half of the year. Yeah. The backside of the year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Darker stories. That's right. The things that didn't get us going. The things that happened that we don't want to remember, but - But we'll never forget. We'll never forget, and we're here to be brave and to say - Somebody's got to take them on. Someone is here. By all accounts, a weird year, 2023. Yeah. I think we'll look back on it - Definitely a weird year.

1:41And think, that was a weird year. There was like that fake recession that everyone was talking about. Fake, yeah, totally fake. That didn't happen. Well, I mean, it's just like some - I feel like two people just made it up, and then it became a thing. Mm-hmm. Remember all the banks crashed that day? The Silicon Valley Bank. Yeah, yeah. Sam Bankman Fried. Some people thought he should have won Time Magazine Person of the Year. Of course, he went to Taylor Swift. Did he really go to Taylor Swift? Yeah, yeah. Person of the Year. For what? For doing the world's biggest tour and making a billion dollars in the Errors Tour, putting out an album nominated for multiple Grammys, while also having time to prioritize her love life, Kevin.

2:21Wow, I mean, I can't argue that. Solidifying her place in the pantheon of music history. Being the biggest global artist in the world. The most streamed on Spotify. Probably all of those reasons. Crypto crashed. Did that happen, Kevin? I think that happened this year. Uh-huh. Kevin got punched in the face twice. Yeah, twice. Once at the Bills game, once on my bike. These are things that happened. Did a podcast without a voice. Oh, that's right. Did an episode no voice. Sounded like RFK. That was the joke there. you went to Vegas yeah we went I went to Vegas and I didn't even give you a recap yeah it's probably best I think what happens in Vegas yeah that's what they say that's my story and I'm sticking to it so we're just talking about some of the things that happened Kevin started we started YouTube which was something on the fronties we celebrated but in the back Kevin got double the production work here on the show so that is unfortunate for Kevin's work yeah that's a backy a personal backy for Kevin who now has to prepare for the show, edit the show, and then also do two different productions in the podcast and also the YouTube.

3:28So, sorry about that. Yeah, shout out to me for that. A late addition here. Patrick Mahomes signed to Prime, Logan Paul's Energy. Makes so much sense. Which I guess is a backy, but also a fronty for you as a Patrick Mahomes hater and Chiefs. I'm not a Patrick Mahomes hater. I'm a Chiefs hater. You know what? I'm starting to turn into one because I was on the fence there. He was in that sort of Steph Curry place for me where I was like, do I like this guy? And then he went and threw his mouthpiece. And then he threw his mouthpiece and started complaining about the call. Through a little baby bitch fit.

3:58Wah, wah, wah. Yeah. The call didn't go for me. Yeah, boo-hoo. You forgot that you literally won a Super Bowl because you got multiple calls. Being pushed out of bounds. Shut the heck up. Holding call. Come on. An extra play in the AFC Championship game. That's what I'm saying. Who's counting? That's right. Another recency bias story, Kevin. Figma was bought by Adobe and then given back to Figma. and all they had to do was pay them a billion dollars. I'm asking the question, is Figma the barstool sports of creative software? You bring up a good point. Famously, Barstool was able to be given back to Dave Portnay for a dollar.

4:31I probably wish he also got a billion dollars as part of that deal. So shout out to his legal team, probably feeling real bad. But yeah, Figma, I believe, was there some monopoly intervention that happened here that prevented Adobe from buying Figma on just having a monopoly over the creative industry? Because if so, that is hilarious because there are so many tech companies that Facebook just completely has a monopoly over all things social. But when Adobe tries to do it over all the design industry, they get flack for it. So I don't know what happened there, but that story is developing in real time.

5:08But a backy for sure. Yeah, good for them getting a billy. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Pretty sick. Shout out to Figma. Nokia rebranded one of the funniest stories, I believe, where we talk about - Vagest rebrand. Yeah, vague, strategic stories about technology and connection. If I love one thing, it's vague strategy that may or may not be relative to the company or brand that it is being written to. That's right. Kevin, if you recall, they don't want to be remembered as an old telephone company. I remember that was one of the big things they wanted to be pushed away because I think Everyone remembers their Nokia flip phones.

5:48I mean, if they were smart, they'd just start making flip phones again. People are wanting them. I think they want to go away from that, though. They want to change people's perception. They actually are now a connective internet technology company. Yeah, whatever they say. Whatever they say. Whatever they say. Jeff Koons, there was a statue of a dog, a little dog, as you recall. It broke. A little balloon dog. A little balloon dog broke. And for some reason, we talked about that. People were clamoring about buying the pieces. Oh, yeah. That was crazy. Inside job, question mark, asterisk. Yeah.

6:19Who knows? Maybe. I'm not saying it. But, you know, Jeff, we all know what you're doing back then. Yeah. Jeff Cohns, we're watching you. Johnson & Johnson got rid of their logo and sparked a debate about scripts because kids don't learn script anymore. Cursive is dead. Kids can't read. And the kids can't read. So, yeah, got to change all those script logos. Yeah. All script logos. We're coming for you, Rollo's. Yeah. Watch out Coca-Cola. A man sued Buffalo Wild Wings over boneless wings. Kind of a hero. Kind of a hero, if you remember correctly. If I remember correctly, the wings weren't wings.

6:55They were not made from the same. They're chicken nuggets. Yeah. So he was saying the boneless wings are actually just nuggets. Oh, they were made from chicken breast. They were made from chicken breast. They're not wings. So therefore, they're not wings. He's got a point, but also that's a ridiculous lawsuit. I'm not going to go anywhere. First time ever a guy's complained about getting a breast over a wing. That is a bad joke. First time ever a guy's complained about getting a breast over a hand. Wow, Kevin. Better joke? God damn it. Damn it, Kevin. We're leaving it in. Yeah, we're leaving it in.

7:29It's the backies. Those bad jokes are welcome. First time ever a guy's complained about getting a breast. Keep it going, Kevin. Keep trying. Jared Leto, an honorable mention here for Bozo of the Year, an award we will be giving out later. Log jam. Log jam for that one. Incredible year for Bozos. Big Bozo year. Yeah, huge Bozo. Jared Leto did not win it, but he should be honored and sort of recognized. We need to talk about his cat outfit. He wore a cat costume. Not once. But then also in the streets. And then he showed up in Lower East Side. Soho, yeah, somewhere. In the coolest area of New York, probably outside of Ray's Bar.

8:12Yeah, yeah. In LES. Dressed as the same cat. Taking pictures, doing it for the gram, looking all cool. Yeah. And then a recent story that we didn't cover on the program, but was on a topic doc. I think it was when Alex had the flu. That's right. But he climbed the, quote unquote, climbed the Empire State Building to promote his new album for his band that like - 30 Seconds to Mars. Is that his band? That's his band. Is it really? 30 Seconds to Mars. Yes. I just broke news to Kevin. I thought that was another horrible band. No, that is his band. He has led that band since 1998. And fun fact about Jared Leto, he's 51 years old.

8:56Looking great for 51. God knows whose blood he's drinking to make that happen. He's a guy that I feel like should have and should be bullied way more. Yeah, I think. Yeah, there are people that like him, which continues to blow my mind. Honestly, bigger red flag than liking Ryan Reynolds. Yeah. If you're a big Jared Leto head out there, you got to reevaluate some shit. Also, The Rock. I famously questioned why do people like The Rock. I mean, The Rock rules. Come on. No. Dude's ripped. No, no, no. What are you talking about? I'm going to put The Rock, Jared Leto, and Ryan Reynolds all in the same area.

9:31I would dispute The Rock. It's people like this person, and I don't get it. Played football, WWE, ascended from there. That's sick. Yeah, sure. Stop player hating on The Rock. Sure, sure. You can't smell what The Rock's cooking. Greta does agree. Yeah, he climbed the Empire State Building and does all sorts of things for attention. And I would just be happier if he just did not. Botbar moved into our neighborhood. One of the many additions to Greenpoint that we're so thankful to have. Yeah. Big year for Greenpoint. Yeah. I've tried to get coffee there more than one time and have not been successful.

10:07Yeah. The robots were taking time off. I'm not sure if they're still in business, but maybe they are. Yeah. We should check in. We should have checked in before this show. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Robots, turns out, bad baristas. That's what we learned here this year. they can't take over that profession, which, you know, thank you. You tried. Yeah, you tried. Nicely done. And then lastly, one of the big stories of the year, a submarine exploded. Imploded. Oh, it imploded. You're right. I'm so sorry. A big story for, again, about two calendar weeks. Yeah, someone decided to go see the Titanic and built themselves a submarine.

10:45Bro, just watch the movie. Exactly. So those are just the stories of the year that we did not award. Yeah, those happened. Things that happened this year, and we would be remiss not to mention them, but we'll honorably mention them and then give out our awards, which maybe we should do in reverse next year. But listen, this is our show. What are we doing? What should we do in reverse? Do the honorable mentions at the end of the year versus then doing them at the front of the show. I'm writing it down right now. Back shots in reverse. Write it down. Yeah. Honorable mentions go to the end, not the front.

11:23But this is the backies. And we celebrate the worst. Worst is a too strong award. The back half of the years, not the front, the backs. And that first story goes - The story's at the back of the pack. Yeah, so the story of the year that we need to talk about at the beginning of the show, M &M's, the mascot controversy. Who could forget when M &M's rolled out their rebrand, a beautiful rebrand, done by Jones-Ritchie, which had a refresh of the famous M &M's spokescandies. Yes, the green M &M. The lentils. The green M &M, unfortunately, is no longer sexy. That's right. And the green M &M famously lost its high heels and Tucker Carlson lost his mind.

12:10And then M &M sort of hinted at a Super Bowl commercial. And then Maya Rudolph introduced clam M &Ms and confused all of us. And I even talked to the New York Times about this. Wow. I forgot that. That should have been in the fronties. That happened this year. Alex quoted the New York Times. I was quoted in the New York Times about this story. And yeah, M &M lentils. We found out that that's what they call those little chocolate things. They're lentils. And yeah, the mascots got the entire nation in a tizzy. And yeah, a saga that we couldn't know without talking about. M &M's went woke. Yeah, M &M's went woke.

12:50And they paid the price. And when you go woke, you go broke. That's what I always say. Yeah, they're out of business now. That's right. No one is buying M &M's. But yeah, it could have been a frontie. But the reason why it's a backy is because I think they could have maximized this story in a way that was smart and kind of flipped it on its head and kind of taken advantage of this moment. And I think they really dropped the ball. Yeah. That's what I would say. I'm sorry, M &Ms. We would still love to work with you. But I do think you could have taken advantage of this moment. You had a cultural moment, which feels like 30 years ago.

13:24But it was this year, 2023, at the very beginning of the year. and they didn't really capitalize. There was a lot of hoopla and not a lot of great creative execution that came from where it could have been. Yeah. Yeah, they were given sort of an alley-oop and they did not land the dunk. They kind of smashed it into the front of the red knife. Yeah, they bricked it. They bricked it. They bricked it. And for that, a lot of ass. Backy. Backy of the year. We're going to then move into the next award, Kevin, which goes to Rebrand of the Year. I thought we were giving this to X from Twitter but maybe not.

14:08I guess they're winning Honorable Mention which we're giving to the main award. You said this was Rebrand of the Year. I said this was Rebrand of the Year. Okay. Give me the back because I'm wrong. Give Alex Backshops. The Rebrand of the Year really goes to X from Twitter. Who could forget the famous moment of this year where Twitter, the bird, the blue, all of it was gone and in its place was X, Elon Musk with some sort of really textured background of marble. Grungy. A grungy aesthetic. Crowdsourced logo. Yeah, a logo that he just found on his Twitter page. And yeah, this is the worst rebrand of the year.

14:52I will say honorable. It's still every time I look at it, I'm still surprised and shocked that that's what it looks like on my phone. People still have a hard time saying it where they'll say like X formally Twitter, which is how you know it's a really bad rebrand. Watching X videos. People are still hauling it. The previous brand, it's not really catching on now months later. I mean, it's still Twitter to everybody. It's still Twitter. That's what I'm saying. So to change it from Twitter to X, you could change the logo, you could change the website, you could change the name, but you can't change people's minds.

15:26Damn right. And that's what I like to say about branding. It lives in people's minds. And so that is why it is the worst rebrand of the year, Twitter to X. Honorable mention goes to Max, aka formerly HBO Max. Which to their credit, people are calling it Max, right? Yeah, which I will say, that's why it's not the worst rebrand of the year is because it's kind of working. HBO is still a part of Max, and you could still notice the good shows when they say HBO Presents versus Max Originals, which is a little - Stay away from those Max Originals. You know those are stinkers. So we'll give this sort of a little bit of credit and not give it the worst rebrand of the year.

16:11That should go to X. So some on the fly changing. Remember when they gave out the sort of fake award show to Moonlight? Remember that happened? There was a mix-up of the cards there. That almost happened to us. I'm going to let you finish, but Max was the backies rebrand of the year. Yeah, it actually went to that sort of dancing movie with Emma Stone. La La Land. La La Land. Thank you, Kevin. Look at us. That's fucking teamwork. Movie buff. Yeah, movie buff. Okay, biggest bully of the year, Backy, goes slash tell your legal team to calm down, goes to Taco Bell for their bullying of Taco John.

16:52Yeah. One of my least favorite stories of the year because it makes me sad. Yeah. You hate to see the little guy lose. That's right. They got the trademark. I'm not super into the trademarks. As far as a lawyer to determine. Yeah, I'm kind of more of like a, I like the freedom. I don't think anybody owns really anything. That's a very. Especially when it comes to ideas and words. How can you own a fucking word? Yeah, that's very Bernie Sanders of you. Taco Bell, for those people that maybe didn't listen to the episode or don't remember the story, Taco Bell was all up in a tizzy because they wanted to use Taco Tuesdays with their ad promotions, with their partnership with LeBron James, who was canceled for a brief moment for using Taco Tuesdays.

17:39And that's because the actual trademark of the term Taco Tuesday is owned by Taco John's, which sounds like a taco stand that has just one outpost, but has hundreds of outposts. We learned Taco John's is an actual legitimate taco operation, and they own and created Taco Tuesday, and Taco Bell came in, bullied them. They actually did a marketing campaign around this where they wanted to liberate Taco Tuesdays. They got LeBron. They got other people to help them in this weird legal battle, and they won. They fucking won. So Taco Bell, tell your legal team to calm down. Good job, LeBron. And good job to them, but you deserve a backie.

18:20This is LeBron's fifth ring. he did it you got taco john to give up the fucking trademark for taco tuesdays good job so now you guys can sell more to tacos on tuesdays good job well they liberated it for all of us alex yeah so now i can use it on my fucking uh instagram stories like lebron did scammers you know they use the legal system against taco john and for that i'll be not eating taco what an incredible transition you just laid out that's right that's because we're giving scammer of the year to megan and Harry. Another story of this year. For their work or lack of work on their podcast, which they have signed a massive deal with Spotify and they do all of the questions via an underpaid intern.

19:06So salute to them. Getting big names like Oprah and whoever else they get. Not even getting to talk to Megan or Harry. Honestly, rules. I wish we were doing that here. We need to be doing that. Is this a back of your frontie? I don't know. But yeah, back of the year because they scammed Spotify out of hundreds of millions of dollars, it seemed, or at least millions of dollars for a podcast that they did not even host. Pretty sick. Pretty wild. And of course, my favorite moment of that decision or that moment was when Bill Simmons, who was bought by Spotify, the ringer was purchased by Spotify for a call back to last year.

19:47and so he's a big part of the Spotify podcast sort of operations. He called them, quote, fucking grifters. Yeah, well said. Well said, Bill. Shout out to Bill Simmons. Billionaires should buy their own fucking stadiums. For this next award. Yes, what do we got, Kev? I love this award. We talked about a lot of things this year and I don't know if we got any more heated in the entire year than talking about this one. And so we're going to award loser of the year to the Frank Mobile, formerly known as the Wienermobile. Do you remember at the beginning of the year, they were calling for Wienermobilers or whatever the hell they were?

20:28Drivers. Drivers who were going to put over 200 ,000 miles on the road, going to shows, doing marketing events, hanging out in supermarket parking lots. For Oscar Mayer. For Oscar Mayer. They touted the position of massive importance. they uh they claimed it would be excellent marketing experience for a young person who wanted to get into marketing i guess yep and then they released the wages which were extremely low um maybe like i can't remember the exact number but it was sad maybe uh on the border of uh livable yeah depending on where you live yeah also the the amount of driving they had to do It was pretty intense.

21:09Pretty crazy. Yeah, 200 events a year. And then they went on, as if that story couldn't be worse, they went on to change the name of the Wienermobile. Kevin, real quick before you, I'm going to let you finish, but the salary was$35 ,000. Pretty low. Base salary. With a weekly allowance of$150 for meals and personal travel. Yeah, I need an allowance. Yeah, yikes. If your salary has an allowance, get a new job. Unless it's good. I don't know. Actually, I wish I had an allowance. Yeah. Kevin, sorry, I cut you off. You were talking about the second part of the story, which is where they renamed the Wienermobile to the Frankmobile.

21:47Yeah. Which I got to say, even seeing this on this page and saying it out loud, it is another example of a rebrand that I refuse to accept. Yeah. I'm just so sick of the Wiener shame that's going around in 2023. Just be proud of what you got. Don't change your fucking car name to be the Frankmobile. It's fucking stupid. Nobody likes it. Yeah. Think about all the equity, Kevin. The Wienermobile is an iconic legend, a symbol of America. I'm officially boycotting the Frankmobile. Yeah. If I see it, it's on site. Yeah. Again, talk about - I'm rear-ending it. Talking about trying to sell a job, too.

22:23You're going to drive the Wienermobile. That's a prestigious honor. To drive a Frankmobile, nothing. Who the fuck is Frank? Frankmobile is a terrible name. And to be honest - All my homies hate Frank. I don't think we're going to celebrate that or continue to call it that. It will always be the Wienermobile forever. So good luck trying to change people's opinions there. And then I'm not as good at the transition. Okay. But we're going to go ahead and transition. Another iconic American brand trying to create news. Trying to do stuff. And failed. Yeah, I would say. And this one's for the worst broken record, a record we'd like to see unbroken.

23:03We'd like them to put this in reverse and to not do this. and that was Pizza Hut doing the world's biggest pizza. Yeah. They had some sort of tractor cooking situation, just a whole ordeal. They looped in some YouTubers. It was a mess. Nobody cared. This is the most obsolete thing you could do in 2023. Yeah, yeah. This was bad, so let's just move on. Yeah, this is like worst stunt of the year. I forgot about the story. So, Kevin, this is why I love the backies, because, you know, there are a lot of fronties and things I remember. And I'll think back on family. This is a story that I had completely forgotten about ever since we talked about it, because, of course, you know, I don't have room in my brain for this.

23:46But like, yeah, Pizza Hut tried to bring in a whole bunch of tick tockers and they teamed up with Guinness Book of Records. And like they tried to make the world's biggest pizza. And I think they succeeded. And they got this like giant cost. Yeah, this giant convention center type space. and they just built this pizza on the ground. Let's not forget that they donated it after too. Yeah. Well, they had to because people will criticize them for wasting food. And then I think that's the right thing to do. But then also, who wants this ground pizza that they're using shovels to create? Yeah, thank you for donating the ground pizza.

24:20Yeah. This is disrespectful to pizza. I'm just going to say it as a New Yorker. It's disrespectful to a lot of stuff. It's disrespectful. And Pizza Hut, you should be ashamed. Yes. And, yeah, as a New Yorker who loves his pizza, I could go for some pizza right now. The fact that you would disgrace such an important part of my life by creating this giant ground pizza. Do you think they folded the crust? They do a little crease in the middle? This is the pictures. Again, they say all the meaning. Yeah, get out of here, Pizza Hut. Get out of here. Take your backy and leave. Yeah, congrats on your backy.

24:55Worst innovation that we'd still like to try goes to Eggo. This is a story that continues to pop up, and I see it around. It won't die. Sometimes people send it to me and tag me in it. So you know our brand is working. We're connecting with people, and they're starting to think of us when they think of crazy, outlandish innovation and brand products that are being launched. So I appreciate that to all of our listeners who do that. And that's, of course, remembering back only a couple months ago, actually this summer, to when Eggo released a boozy drink that tastes like waffles, maple syrup, and bacon.

25:32And it was called Eggo, brunch in a jar, Appalachian sipping cream. Damn right. And it came in sort of this giant container that just looked insane. It just looked like something that you don't want to pour into a cocktail martini glass, that's for sure, even though that's how they have it visualized here. If they're calling it brunch in a jar, it better be at least 400 calories per serving. I bet it probably is. It definitely looks thick. Yeah, it's in a mason jar. I don't know why I couldn't come up with that one. But yeah, it's in a giant mason jar with a fully wrapped label. So you know the liquid is particularly disgusting to look at.