Relationship Agreements: A Powerful Way to Deepen Love & Lessen Conflict | with Krista & Will Van Derveer

0:00Will Van Derveer: So we all want that sense of easy, stable love, but so often we find ourselves just kind of falling into the same old ruts. We assume we know what our partner's thinking. We let small, you know, tensions simmer and eventually the magic just starts to feel a bit like a chore. My guests today say it doesn't have to be that way. If you're willing to move from what they call an I operating system to a we operating system. Krista and Will Van Derveer join me to talk about the quote sacred guardrails or agreements. that they use to keep their relationship thriving. Will is a psychiatrist and author of the new book, Psychedelic Therapy, and Krista is a leadership educator who specializes in how we relate to one another.

0:41Will Van Derveer: Together, they host the Art of We podcast. In this conversation, we're exploring how to craft your own sacred relationship agreements that keep bringing you back to love. How to, quote, gamble everything for love by servicing the things you're usually too afraid to say. We talk about a somatic couch tool for cooling down high conflict moments using simple biology and why abundant repair is one of the secrets to feeling closer after a fight than you did before it even started. It's a bit of a masterclass in how to build a partnership that isn't just a private love oasis, but an engine for your greatest work in the world.

1:23Will Van Derveer: So excited to share this conversation with you. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project.

1:34Will Van Derveer: Good Life Project is sponsored by GNC. So you know that early spring feeling when you want to reset a few routines, not overhaul your whole life, just kind of make the next month feel a little more supported. I keep a small shelf in the pantry for things that help me stay consistent when life gets busy. That's why I'm glad to flag GNC's semi-annual Live Well Sale. It's buy one, get one 50 % off savings on almost everything, which makes it a perfect moment to stock up on favorites, try something new, or build a simple stack that fits your goals. There are also huge daily deals all month long, like$1 snacks and drinks, 40 % off top brands, and everyone's favorite free stuff.

2:16Will Van Derveer: It's practical support that doesn't ask for perfection, just a little consistency as you move toward your spring goals. If you're ready for a helpful nudge, try GNC. Right now at your local GNC or online at gnc.com or just click the link in the show notes. Good Life Project is sponsored by Gab Wireless. So our executive producer, Lindsay, was telling me about juggling weekday routines with her two young kids and she wanted them to play outside and gain independence but still have a reliable way to just check in. So she got her nine-year-old a GabWatch 3E and said it really hit the sweet spot. He can tap to call or send a simple message and Lindsay can see basic location info without any of the endless apps that steal attention.

3:00Will Van Derveer: This isn't about control. It's a gentle, practical step towards independence. Think of it as slow technology connection at the right pace so kids learn freedom and parents keep peace of mind. Mornings feel less frantic, quick neighborhood trips feel calmer, And the everyday logistics that used to just nag at her headspace have eased. So if you want a straightforward tool that keeps kids connected without social media, give Gab a try and see how family life shifts for the better. Visit gab.com slash goodlife and use the code goodlife for a special offer. That's g-a-b-b dot com slash goodlife or just click the link in the show notes.

3:36Will Van Derveer: Good Life Project is sponsored by Bill, an intelligent finance platform that helps businesses and accounting firms scale with proven results. So if you run a business, you know that sneaky way money tasks multiply. One invoice turns into 10 follow-ups. A simple payment turns into a spreadsheet, a login, and eventually a little knot in your stomach. And Bill is trusted by nearly half a million businesses and their accountants, and it's securely processed over a trillion dollars in transactions. To put it simply, it helps you manage, move, and maximize your money so your attention can go back to the work that actually matters.

4:14Will Van Derveer: So stop the guesswork and start scaling with a proven choice. Head over to bill.com slash proven to connect with a payments expert and get a$250 gift card as a thank you. That's bill.com slash proven, or just click the link in the show notes. Terms and conditions apply. See offer page for details. So my opening curiosity here is where did this idea of agreements and sort of like relationship-driven agreements, especially in the context of personal relationships, what's the origin story for this?

4:48Krista Van Derveer: When I met Will, I was working for a consulting company and we were actually going into organizations. So it's interesting that you bring this up this way because we were bringing these practices about how to relate together in order to really move forward the mission and to succeed interpersonally and also in what we're up to together. And before I met Will, I was like, wow, I really want to take this into my next partnership because this is incredibly supportive for the success of us individually and also as a company at that point. And so when I met Will and we decided what kind of partnership we wanted.

5:29Krista Van Derveer: We decided to create agreements based upon both of our backgrounds, what really worked and what really didn't work. And also from some of our mentors that we've learned from and create these specific relationship agreements to help us accomplish what we wanted to accomplish in our partnership at the time. And we did meet when I was mid forties and Will was late forties. So it was like a second half of our lives partnership where we had already learned a lot about partnerships and what worked and what didn't work.

5:56Will Van Derveer: And just for clarity, we're talking about personal partnership. We're not talking about business partnership here, although it's eventually evolved into that. But this is you two meet, you're later in life, you've had other relationships. There have been things that have gone well and things that haven't gone well, just like everybody out there. and you come together and you're kind of like, all right, how do we gather up what we've learned and set ourselves up optimally so that this thing can really work as good as it can work? Is that kind of like land right? Yeah.

6:29Krista Van Derveer: And we'll even go to the first conversation we had on our first date. It was very personal to us, our personal relationship we wanted, but we both came to the same table, the same table with the same conversation of we really wanted our next partnership to be of service to the world, not just for our own little private love oasis. And we knew that if we wanted to have that kind of partnership, that we would have to really create these agreements, these sacred guardrails of how we would accomplish that together rather than just go day by day and hope that it happens. And we'd both come from relationships that were challenging.

7:06Krista Van Derveer: So we wanted something different. Yeah.

7:09Will Van Derveer: All right. Will, it's your first date. You sit down with Krista. How does the idea of actually something like this come up on the first date? I mean, most first dates, it's like you're dancing around, you're talking about superficial stuff, you're probably having a drink or two just to loosen up and let go of the nerves and the anxiety. This is a big, deep topic. It just gets surfaced right out of the gate. Well, I think it says a lot about who Krista is as a human that we didn't spend a lot of time on surfacy topics. We dove right in. And we shut down the restaurant. It was a three and a half or four hour conversation.

7:49Will Van Derveer: and it was just incredibly exciting to meet another person who had a very similar vision for what relationships could do and uh you know as kirsten mentioned you know we both came from different kinds of experiences in the past i'd been in a 20-year marriage where the agreements that we had were loosely based on our buddhist practice which had advantages and it had limitations to it. I could talk about those maybe in more depth if we get to that. But essentially, the desire that I had of having a bigger expression or a bigger impact on the world, I was not able to realize that in the previous relationship I was in.

8:37Will Van Derveer: And I knew that I needed a different set of agreements to be able to accomplish that. So, we've really practiced these agreements now for how many years now, Krista?

8:51Krista Van Derveer: We'll be married seven years this year and together nine years. But I don't think you actually had relationship agreements in your last relationship. Is that, are you?

9:02Will Van Derveer: I would say we had guidelines based on our Buddhist teacher, which are that, you know, If you're having emotional distress, it's your problem, personally, and it's not a great idea. It's definitely frowned upon in Buddhism to bring disturbances to your partner. You go back to the cushion. I don't know if that's true, Jonathan, in the yogic traditions, but the concept sort of is that, at least what I was taught in our Buddhist tradition, was you need to have your own back, you need to take that to the cushion, go meditate more. Um, your disturbance is not your partner's problem. And there's significant limitations in that perspective.

9:45Will Van Derveer: It's really interesting, right? Because you have a lot of times when, when stuff goes sideways in a relationship, you know, we go to like, what are the teachings that have been handed to us that feel like, you know, what are the guidelines that have come before us that have already established and we'll just lock onto whatever it is that, you know, that are the ones that we know and we'll ride along with it. Oftentimes it's faith-based, it's spiritual-based. sometimes it's just the family culture that is handed down these traditions and without fail there's there's always some stuff which is like wow that is really powerful it makes so much sense it lands really well and there's that stuff that raises your eyebrow a little bit you're kind of like i'm not so sure about that and then there's the other bucket which is like are you kidding me yeah right um you know and i think we we all kind of go there but oftentimes we don't the question is being raised in our minds, but we don't actually, we don't act on the question.

10:38Will Van Derveer: We just act on the rote side of it because we're like, well, this is, this is what's been, you know, get handed to me. It must work. So let me just follow those rules. Did you have a similar sort of like set of imprints coming into this, Krista?

10:52Krista Van Derveer: Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, for me, it was like, I learned, like you're saying from my family about how to do relationship, from our culture, about how to do a relationship from the people around me. But after I had lost a partner to a sudden death before I met Will, and we had a beautiful and also challenging relationship. But after he died, I was, you know, after a year and a half of grieving, I was like, do I even really want a partnership again? And I remember the moment exactly where I was, one of those moments where you can't forget it. And I just stopped and I was like, oh, I want that more than anything, but only if it's going to be extraordinary.

11:31Krista Van Derveer: And I don't even know what that looks like. I don't know how to get it. I've never seen it, but that's what I'm standing for. And then I proceeded to go through some dating processes with my own self-agreements about how I would show up for the dating in order to see if they and I would meet this kind of partnership that I was calling in. So I was definitely coming from creating a different thing that I hadn't seen before.

11:56Will Van Derveer: Yeah. Do you remember that moment where sort of the switch was flipped? Did something happen or was it just you're walking along and you're like, oh no, I just know?

12:06Krista Van Derveer: Yeah. I was walking my parents' dog. I was sitting for them and I was on the sidewalk and I remember exactly I was looking at this park and it was just like one of those lightning bolts. Nothing happened other than me asking the question of like, do I actually even want this? Do I want partnership? It was so heartbreaking what I went through with his death and it was also such a challenge in the very end of his life and also so beautiful. But I was like, wow, this is a lot of work. And I realized that it had to be extraordinary, again, for me to say yes to this.

12:40Will Van Derveer: Yeah. I mean, I would imagine also, and tell me if this is right, that when you lose somebody in that way, the pain is so deep and so enduring that for you to say yes to the possibility of that happening again, like the stars have to align on a completely different level. Does that land?

12:57Krista Van Derveer: That totally lands because I knew that if I was going to be in partnership again, it would be risky. I would lose a lot. I would have to love again. I might get heartbroken again, but that was totally worth it. But it was also easier to be in that conviction because if I didn't get to extraordinary, then I was like, I can live without it. No big deal. I can do this myself, if that makes sense. Yeah.

13:22Will Van Derveer: So the standard for you is just stunningly high. It's like, I want this to happen. I want this to be a yes. But for it to be a yes, some incredible things need to be in place. Exactly. Yes. Were you coming from a similar place, Will? Well, I had been dreaming and journaling and very carefully detailing the qualities of the partner that I was calling in. And it was interesting because that piece of paper where I worked that and crossed it out and erased it and rewrote it and designed it was in a workbook that someone had recommended to me that was on my bookshelf. And after Krista and I had been together for a few years, I found that workbook and I opened up to that page and saw that document in there.

14:13Will Van Derveer: And it was kind of spooky how clearly she met the description that I was writing for a couple years before I met Krista. So it sounds a little hokey, but I've come to believe that that energetic calling in is real and that that is something that really matters. and when we set really clear intentions, we're sending out a message that matters. You both come together. You both used a phrase that I think is really interesting and really unusual in what you wanted when you sat down for that first conversation, which is you weren't just looking for something that was going to satisfy you on a personal individual level.

14:57Will Van Derveer: You were looking to create a relationship that had a bigger impact, that somehow affected people beyond the two of you. That is stunningly unusual. Do you acknowledge that?

15:11Krista Van Derveer: I think we were both a little bit in shock on our first date to be coming with that same conversation. It wasn't like one of us influenced the other into that. We both literally came with that conversation. And Will, do you want to share where you got that inspiration from?

15:26Will Van Derveer: Well, another close friend of ours in Boulder, Jason Gattis, on his podcast, had the wonderful Remy translator Andrew Harvey as a guest a few years ago. And Andrew was talking about how deeply the world needs couples who are committed to change, changing the world. And in his view, at least as expressed on that episode, was like, this is what the world needs now, is people who are committed to this and have each other's backs and who are willing to grow and fall down and race ahead. and pick themselves up and pick each other up. And so I was on fire with that notion for a few weeks before our date started.

16:10Will Van Derveer: And so that was where I got fired up about it. So it's like you both bring this thing to it because most people start a relationship. They're like, okay, so maybe they make the list that you described. Well, I know somebody literally had made a list with over a hundred things that had to be on the list if the part of that they were looking for. And okay, so maybe that's overkill, but a lot of people do sit down and say like, I need this, I need that, I need this, right? But generally those lists, they're about like what I want for my life, about how I want to feel in my relationship, in my world.

16:44Will Van Derveer: Like it's me, me, me, me, me. And look, there's nothing wrong with that. we like we all we we have needs and we have desires and we want to get them met right on a very personal level and to go beyond that and say and like not but but and i also want this union to be a an engine for something bigger um it's just so highly unusual um krista like on your side like

17:10Krista Van Derveer: where did that come from well i can say that we talk about it now i can say where it came from But now we talk about it as moving from the I operating system to the we OS, the we operating system. And it's actually really informed our partnership and how we make decisions and a lot of our agreements. But I think that for me, I'm kind of tired. And before I met Will, I was tired of the knowing that there's only a certain amount of impact that I personally as one human being can have in the world. And I've always tended to be very relationally oriented, really caring for the we of us. And potentially it comes from maybe something that I was wanting more in my life earlier on is to really be attuned to and tracked.

18:00Krista Van Derveer: And I wanted to attune to others and track others. But there's always just kind of a knowing that we can do more than I can, which is one of our mottos that we have in our relationship. and it came very clear. It kind of came to a head that first date because I hadn't met another human being, kind of like what you're saying, Jonathan, who was coming with the same conversation and was a potential partner for me and we're closing the restaurant down. So I think it really even stuck even more in that moment of we can do more than I can.

18:32Will Van Derveer: So then my curiosity is how do you move from there to, okay, so we're getting serious with each other. You know, like we're forming this partnership. we need a set of agreements to guide it. Because again, this is a big wild leap that nobody else takes. There may be implicit agreements, right? Like the things that you're kind of like, yes, we kind of like agree on this saying yes, we've kind of shared this type of value, right? But it's so unusual for somebody to sit down and say, okay, so here's the deal. We need to literally set up like written, clearly worded bylaws for this relationship. Were you both equally excited about this?

19:16Will Van Derveer: Was one person hesitant? I think here's a deeper question I'm asking. Especially in the early days of relationship, there's a magic to it, right? There's this tingling part of the relationship. There's like, ooh, this is juicy. This is fun. I don't want to lose this. and and i would imagine that there we've got a lot of people joining us who they're like if you tell them okay so the next step here is to sit down and negotiate these like tightly worded agreements they're like oh but doesn't that like kill the magic and everything it might be counterintuitive to the listener but it actually has the opposite effect of keeping us very much alive and on our toes with each other.

20:02Will Van Derveer: One example is we vow to always see each other with fresh eyes every day. And if you take that at face value, maybe the first impression might be like, oh, that's beautiful and that's sweet. But when you start looking at it day after day over years, how easy it is to slip into automating your partner. Just like you automate the room that you walk into when you come home, you kind of know where the couch is, you know where the chair is, you know where you throw your keys every day when you come in. So if anything, I feel like it keeps the juices really fresh and keeps the passion lit at a high level because there's so much presence that's required to pull it off to live by these agreements every day.

20:57Will Van Derveer: So that's my thought on it. Krista, where do you land?

21:01Krista Van Derveer: Yeah, I love your question because some people are like, agreements? That just sounds like horrible. Like we'll get stuck in some sort of thing that we don't want to be in. And yeah, I agree with Will where it's like, for me, the agreements require me to grow personally. And I'm both of us, fortunately, which I think makes this work is that we're high value. We put a high value on growth. And so like another example is to assume positive intent. Now, this is becoming more popular out in the world that we assume positive intent. But when we're in a rupture or conflict, that's where the real growth becomes available is like, oh, I'm not actually assuming positive intent right now.

21:46Krista Van Derveer: We can remind each other, we gently remind each other because we already agreed upon it. And the problem with implicit agreements, because you brought that up, Jonathan, is that when things get hard and we didn't actually explicitly agree to it, then those things go out the window. You know, when we're in high conflict, high challenge, like I never agreed to that or we can go there. And for me, these keep me growing because I know that they serve me, they serve Will, and they serve the we of us, you know, the bigger entity that includes us but also transcends us. And so for me, it becomes a really fun experience.

22:24Krista Van Derveer: And it's also not about beating each other up with the agreements when we fall down. It's about calling each other in and supporting each other. And they're living agreements, too. So we can change them whenever they're not actually correct, or we have actually a misunderstanding about them, or they're ready to be evolved into something else. So that makes sense to me.

22:44Will Van Derveer: what if somebody's listening to this or watching and the thing themselves okay cool cool cool like you two are really into growth good for you all right you go grow you do the personal development thing you invest in all this stuff you do the coaching and the therapy and that's i'm by the way like you know like this has been both of your worlds and like krista you've been a coach at the highest level for years and an executive and will you've been a psychiatrist and like so like you're both just fiercely growth oriented, but somebody is joining us and they're like, look, what I want from my relationship, I just want it to be easy.

23:16Will Van Derveer: I want it to be stable. I don't need to be constantly evolving and growing and changing. I just want a partner and a relationship that just feels good and peaceful for as much as it can, as often as it can, and as long as it can. What do you say to that person in the context of inviting them to still consider getting really detailed about relationship agreements. Well, I think that there are differences in individuals about how much they want to grow or how hard they want to work on themselves in one lifetime. And I'm completely okay with that. I don't have judgment about that. I mean, this goes to kind of the beginning of the journey for me and Krista when we work with couples is asking the question, what's the couple up to?

24:04Will Van Derveer: Like, what are they here together in this relationship to do together? Maybe it's being comfortable. Maybe it's raising kids. Maybe it's starting a business together. It could be anything. And then the agreements for that particular couple need to support what they're up to together. So it's really about matching up agreements that support the fulfillment that that couple wants to have, as opposed to, hey, everybody should be on like the fastest rocket ship of growth there is. And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Good Life Project is sponsored by Wild Alaskan Company. So there's something about small rituals that change a season of life.

24:52Will Van Derveer: For me, it was solving the weekly question of what to cook that felt honest and simple. And a while ago, I got a box from Wild Alaskan Company, and it just kind of quietly shifted our dinner rhythm. Opening that first box, it felt like getting just this thoughtful nudge towards better food. I mean, the coho salmon I tried, it was actually one of the first things that I tried. It was mild with that red-orange hue, and it cooked up in minutes. Just olive oil, a smattering of crunchy sea salt, and a squeeze of lemon. So delicious, and the family noticed. Another night, we seared up some Pacific rockfish, and everyone just lingered at the table a little longer.

25:24Will Van Derveer: And what I really appreciate is the clarity, no antibiotics, no additives, and 100 % wild-caught sourcing that supports sustainable harvesting and fishing communities, it's frozen off the boat to keep the flavor and texture you actually want. And the membership, it just makes it easy to fit into a busy life. If you want seafood that simplifies evenings and feels responsibly sourced, give Wild Alaskan Company a try. Not all fish are the same. Get seafood you can trust. Go to wildalaskan.com slash goodlife for$35 off your first box of premium wild-caught seafood or just click the link in the show notes.

26:00Will Van Derveer: Good Life Project is sponsored by Function Health. So I spend a lot of time in my head, writing, recording, and building. And when my focus gets fuzzy, I used to just kind of push harder, more coffee, more willpower. But I started asking a different question. What if it's not motivation? What if it's actually biology? Your brain doesn't operate in isolation. Focus and mood are tied to what's happening across your whole body. Inflammation, blood sugar, nutrients, sleep. If you're not measuring those systems, you're just kind of guessing. That's why I use Function Health. It gives you 160 plus lab tests each year, including advanced markers for heart health, inflammation, stress, hormones, toxins, and more.

26:40Will Van Derveer: So you can actually see what's happening beneath the surface and make more informed choices. Own your health and start by understanding what's happening beneath the surface. Function gives you access to 160 plus lab tests each year, including advanced markers for heart health, inflammation, stress, hormones, toxins, and more for$365 a year. Learn more and join Function using our link. Visit functionhealth.com slash goodlife or use the gift code goodlife25 for a$25 credit toward your membership or just click the link in the show notes. Good Life Project is sponsored by ADT. So have you ever had that moment when you're finally away from home, maybe out for a rare free afternoon and your phone lights up with an alert you weren't expecting, your heart skips, your mind starts racing, you're miles away wondering what's happening and wishing you could be in two places at once.

27:30Will Van Derveer: That's exactly where smart home security steps in. ADT systems are built for real life moments like these, helping really keep your home safer with 24 seven monitoring and rapid response when it matters most. The systems are professionally installed by trained technicians. So from day one, you know, your home is being looked after with care and expertise. And with the ADT Plus app, you can keep tabs on your home from virtually anywhere. It's a simple way to feel more grounded even when you're on the go. Don't wait to prepare your home for an emergency. When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT-ASAP.

28:12Will Van Derveer: It sounds like it's kind of like what comes first then is a conversation that says something like, what is the shared vision for our relationship? Like what actually, what matters to both of us about where, what we exalt and where we're going. Does that make sense, Krista?

28:29Krista Van Derveer: Totally. That's actually, we talk about that a lot is that that is the first conversation. And then I think the next or maybe sub question to that is who do we need to be or become in order to fulfill that? And then that's how we start to decide what are the relationship agreements. And, you know, also like in the question of the purpose of the partnership, it's like, why specifically you and me, not just partnership in general? Like, why am I interested in being with you here? And so it really helps us orient towards what agreements would be supportive.

29:03Will Van Derveer: Krista, you said something I want to reflect on also, which is this notion of agreements. When everything's going fine, you're just kind of in cruise control with your partner. Maybe the agreements aren't super, they don't come in on a really regular basis. But it sounds like where these become really important is where there's conflict, where there's challenge, where there's this risk of things going off the rails. Is that right? Yes.

29:32Krista Van Derveer: And I would say one of our agreements, again, some of these are adapted by people that we admire, like Stan Tatkin in this case, is to have abundant repair when there is misunderstanding or conflict or some sort of rupture. And that, I think, has been the best agreement for us to stay really connected. And, you know, abundant repair isn't just like, okay, we're good. Like, I get what happened for you. This is what happened for me. We're good. It's really working something out until I get to, this is my barometer, is that my body wants to be closer to Will's body. Then I know that whatever we encountered is actually making us stronger, more aligned, more on the same page, and that conflict can become a opportunity for deeper connection rather than there's something wrong for us.

30:27Krista Van Derveer: And what I know for myself, if I'm not addressing rubs or tensions, conflict with will, then I start to go back into the IOS, the I operating system where I'm just thinking about myself. I'm just thinking about my needs. Forget him. I'm disconnecting from him in some form. But when we really practice our abundant repair, then we're really prioritizing the we of us, the relationship over what I would do on my own if I didn't stay committed to the connection.

30:59Will Van Derveer: so will and chris is tom if i'm getting this right like you're the signal for you that you've practiced this repair on a level where it's actually becoming effective as you like you want to feel you you're returning to this thing of like wanting to actually feel physical closeness to will again will what's your signal i can tell when there's even just a little bit of tension left in my body that we're not done with the repair um gosh we could talk for a long time about repair, but there's so much to being courageous enough to keep going until you're finished with the repair. I think that's one of the things that I've learned the most in this relationship with Krista is that what I thought was repair in the past prior to Krista was not a complete repair.

31:51Will Van Derveer: Almost, you know, almost ever. It's sort of like, I'm sorry, i hurt your feelings and apology accepted and then move on and but there's no emotional completion to that it's more of an intellectual exchange a transaction like okay i signed the document and submitted it and now we're good but the animal body knows when security is re-established inside of the partnership, you know, through letting go of the tension. And I think Krista described it well of like wanting to move closer to each other physically. It's so interesting to me also that you both referenced this somatic signal rather than say cognitively of like, all right, I think we're there.

32:42Will Van Derveer: You know, like, I think we've talked about all the things that we need to talk about. I think we've resolved like the major issues. is you're both like, no, no, no, like that's not, like we don't stop working on this until both of our bodies are telling us like we're good.

32:55Krista Van Derveer: Yeah. I mean, for me, if I'm just in the cognitive conversation, then I'm probably missing something because I might be like, okay, I think we're there. Like, but how would I really know that we're there? And if I, if I'm not wanting to feel closer to Will, then like, crap, I have to look deeper because we have our old strategies of staying safe and like not getting into conflict with each other. So I tend to, mine, I tend to dissociate from the negative impact that I've experienced so that I don't have to actually address it. But I think, Will, like what you're saying is somehow my body has more intelligence around that.

33:32Krista Van Derveer: So I have to go investigate a little bit deeper. And we do that often. We're like, okay, are we fully repaired? One of us be like, I don't think so. So we have to kind of investigate get more. It's not always super clear about what needs to be attended to.

33:46Will Van Derveer: Yeah. I mean, it's interesting to me also, because my signals tend to be really embodied, too. Whether it's conflict or excitement, basically everything might tell us how do I feel. Even as a creator, as a maker, as a writer, when I'm working on something, I'm writing, I'm writing, I'm like, oh, yeah, it's interesting. It's good. And then I'll write a sentence and I'll shake. And I'll be like, oh, hell. If I can do that once more in the next decade, my life will be good. But there's a really physical embodied thing that hits me when I just know something's not just off, but also really on, really connected, really right.

34:25Will Van Derveer: But here's my question. So many of us, and I'm going to get back to it because I really want to get into the details of how do we actually make these agreements. But I think this is really important because this is how do we know that we're actually sort of like honoring them or getting to a place where we're good with them. I do feel like for so many people, there's an embodied element to it. Their body gives them information that says, yeah, we're there. We're closing in or we're there. We're ready to, we can close the books on this. We can move on. We're good. And yet, so many of us have been through so much capital T trauma, little T trauma, experiences in our life where we have learned to disconnect from all of our embodied signals, from all the somatic things that actually would want to speak to us and tell us how we feel.

35:12Will Van Derveer: How do you deal with that? Like when you're actually, when a lot of the signals that you're looking for would come from your body, but you have, and maybe for good reasons, compartmentalized, basically decided you're living from the head up and you're not getting them. Will, I'll kick that over to you, I think. Well, I would use myself as an example in what you're talking about. I grew up in a very intellectual way. I came to understand through therapy that I had retreated into my mind as a safe place to be and not feeling the things that were there for me to feel as I was growing up. And not to scare people away from this process that we're talking about, But if you're like me and you've ignored your body and the signals of your body for a long time, when you start tuning into the body, I think this started happening for me in my early 30s with a meditation teacher who was a very somatic-oriented Buddhist meditation teacher.

36:19Will Van Derveer: when you start tuning into your body for the first time it has things to say to you that are not pleasant to hear because it's sort of like you've had a slave locked in the you know dungeon of your mind for a long time but i would just encourage people that it's it's very worth it to to do that work because the synchronization between the body and the mind is a beautiful gift that helps you operate your life in a much more efficient less frictiony kind of way to develop that presence is really worthwhile. And I think many people are growing up in situations, you know, like the one I grew up in where, and I think, you know, Krista's too, is just a cultural thing of like, we're very mental in our culture.

37:07Will Van Derveer: We don't tend to orient in the way that Krista described just a minute ago of like, okay, my body's feeling something, there must be intelligence there. You know, we tend to write it off or question it or even just disregard it. Krista, did you have a similar sort of journey from the head into the body? Let me think about that. Just kidding.

37:28Krista Van Derveer: I think I did have that kind of journey. Yeah, absolutely.

37:34Will Van Derveer: For those not watching video here, she's just like, dude, are you serious? Don't look, I'll tell you that.

37:40Krista Van Derveer: I mean, Jonathan, I keep attempting to get more and more embodied every single day. So it's yes, it's definitely been a journey. And one thing that I want to say here in relationship to our agreements and how we do our partnership in relationship to what you're talking about, small T trauma, big T trauma. I mean, Will is really the expert in all of that, in his background, in his profession. But here, what we really stand for, which I think is different from most couples. First of all, we believe that we co-create everything together, our failures, our successes, that we both have a part in whatever our outcomes are, but also that we are standing for the healing of the younger wounded, we call them parts of ourselves.

38:23Krista Van Derveer: There's different ways to talk about it.

38:52Krista Van Derveer: your cushion or with a therapist and then come back here once you're, you know, got your stuff together and then we'll be able to move forward. But here we're actually really taking co-responsibility for our wounded parts to heal. And that's, I think, one of the powerhouses of our partnership because I can only heal so much of my, by myself, whether it's with a therapist or something else, but together we can heal so much more and so much more than becomes possible for me individually, but also us as a couple.

39:22Will Van Derveer: Yeah. I mean, that lands a lot. Let's actually dive into the mechanics of agreements. Because, you know, it's one thing to just say, sit down and write down your agreements, but let's get specific here, right? If we talk about creating a relationship agreement or a list of relationship agreements, let's start with just like one. What's the structure of a relationship agreement that actually works. Krista, you want to start us off?

39:54Krista Van Derveer: We have to both understand what the agreement is. It's not just like, okay, it's like if we say color blue, the color blue, we all separately think of a color particular shade of blue, but we're not actually talking about the shade of blue. We're not actually talking about the same thing. So we have to really understand what it is that we're agreeing to. And it has to be applicable in some way. Like we have to know, okay, this is the moment that we can use that agreement. And there's obviously questions that we could ask to help people be like, where do we even start about what the content is?

40:28Krista Van Derveer: But for it to be useful, I think those two things have to be in place. And Will, there might be other things that you're thinking of too.

40:33Will Van Derveer: I think they have to be mostly equally meaningful to both parties for both people to buy into them enough. So I think there are certain principles that I think work really well, like mutuality, fairness, justice, as a foundation of how two people can feel fulfilled in something that they're working on together, if it's a relationship, business partnership, what have you. um and i think both people are going to get challenged in different ways at different times by different agreements so that's you know we're maybe we went a little overboard we have 24 relationship agreements but having more than one i think is useful for covering some of the uh the landscape of what can go what can go wrong and how you can get into uh tough spots together yeah so if i want to make sure i'm getting this right it sounds like okay so one they have to be explicit like you can't just bat it around and assume that you both know what you're talking about like and probably a good way to do it is literally write it down or record it record the audio whatever it is but actually like memorialize it in some way um mutual like you both look at this and you and you're nodding along and saying we understand what this is our understanding is the same and we agree to it um and that the language really matters.

42:02Will Van Derveer: You know, be specific and not ambiguous. Is there more? Or did I get anything off there?

42:09Krista Van Derveer: Both committed to it, and they can see why it would be supportive to their partnership.

42:14Will Van Derveer: Let's talk about some of your agreements and kind of break them down a little bit and see how they fall into this. One of yours, from what I understand, and by the way, everyone sort of like joining us, we'll share a link to a downloadable, a PDF, where I forgot what you guys call it. It's like the top 10 agreements or something like that, where you can learn more and also learn more about. So one agreement, and tell me if I'm getting this right, is we agree to gamble everything for love. Oh, that's such a good one. Okay. Walk me through this. Crystal, let's start out.

42:53Krista Van Derveer: Okay, so I love that you asked this question, because when Will and I realized that we are going to pursue a relationship together, we knew that if we didn't gamble everything for love, that we wouldn't create the kind of partnership we wanted. So this was the very first agreement that we made. And to us, it meant that we were going to put it all on the table. We were going to, you know, address the rubs. We're going to bring all of ourselves forward, all the parts of us that even the ones that we hold back a little bit, we're going to put it on the table to see what kind of partnership is actually here.

43:32Krista Van Derveer: so it includes taking a lot of risks a lot of being a lot of vulnerabilities bringing them

43:38Will Van Derveer: them forward will what else would you add to that well i think it it's a really helpful antidote for us personally because we come from i mean i come from the south krista's midwestern we we come from this sort of buttoned up uh culture where you maybe would suppress or hold back or delete something that you really really really want but you think it might irritate the other person or make them uncomfortable um like investing in a coaching program that's really expensive that's going to take me or krista to the next level of our career expression for example or um i really want that uh new bike or something but it's really expensive and like what's krista going to think

44:28Krista Van Derveer: about that or so on or like i really want you to do something differently yes you know that feels very vulnerable like i really want you to show up for me in a different way or i really was impacted by the thing that you did and here's how he's impacted and can we talk about that those kinds of things which we we i would say we really practice that today and if we're not reviewing our agreements though we might get a little bit astray but we come back to them

44:58Will Van Derveer: And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors.

45:26Will Van Derveer: the change felt steady and real. And over time, she noticed less shedding, improved hair growth, and more visible thickness. And that meant relief and confidence and just one less thing on her mind. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand and the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. Let your hair become one less thing taking up space in your head and see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners$10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code GOODLIFE.

46:03Will Van Derveer: That's Nutrafol.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com promo code GOODLIFE. Hi, this is Stephanie, Jonathan's wife. So over the last 10 years, I've been dealing with everything from changes in my hair, skin, sleep, and even brain fog related to changing hormones. A lot of my friends have too, and it's so hard to get clear answers. That's why Alloy Health matters. They connect you with a menopause expert doctor who looks at the full picture, creates a personalized treatment plan, and offers ongoing support with care delivered right to your door. Nearly 95 % of women feel better in just two weeks. If something feels off, you don't have to navigate it alone.

46:43Will Van Derveer: Try Alloy Health. Go to myalloy.com and use the code goodlife today or just click the link in the show notes.

47:14Will Van Derveer: Spring collection is inspired by places like blooming gardens and sunlit terraces. So if you want a small sensory shift that changes the energy at home, try Pura. Open the door to spring with Pura or just click the link in the show notes. Girl Life Project is supported by Peloton. So you know those times when life feels like it's moving at full speed and finding space to take care of yourself feels impossible? That's exactly when the right kind of movement can change everything. The new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus is built for that kind of life. It's Peloton's most elevated equipment yet, powered by Peloton IQ with real-time coaching and endless ways to move, run, lift, stretch, or just reset.

47:54Will Van Derveer: Peloton IQ helps you make progress without the guesswork. Its movement tracking camera counts your reps, corrects your form, and even suggests the right weight so every workout feels purposeful. The swivel screen makes it easy to switch from a 45-minute run to a quick stretch and one smooth spin. and with personalized plans that match your energy, your mood, your goals, staying consistent suddenly feels simple. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at onepeloton.com or just click the link in the show notes. So when you say we agree to gamble everything for love, the everything in that sentence sounds like it's not, we're not talking about, you know, like a monetary value here.

48:37Will Van Derveer: although it it may be like in in part you know like if you're investing in something together but it's really like everything is it's emotional stakes like if i'm if i'm concerned if i'm feeling really vulnerable if i'm upset you know i'm gonna put that on that i i agree to to to bring that to the relationship i agree to not just sit on it but to actually surface it and let's deal with it Like, I'm going to gamble being uncomfortable, being rejected, being in an argument where I just really don't want to be arguing, being wrong in the name of preserving this love that we have. Is that right?

49:19Krista Van Derveer: You should write the next top 10 relationship agreements first, because that was amazing. Yes.

49:25Will Van Derveer: Being willing to be messy and to show, very much like you said, Jonathan, about being wrong, like to show a neurotic, crazy, incorrect perception. You know, Krista, I have a story that you're judging the crap out of me right now. That's what I see on your face. Is that true? You know? And then it's like, well, yeah, it is true. Or it's not.

49:52Krista Van Derveer: It's usually not what... Usually not. Usually not what we're thinking about our partners and our faces. There's a whole line of work around that. But yeah.

50:00Will Van Derveer: So it's really about surfacing assumptions too. Yes. And risking being wrong about your assumptions. But also risking then resolution. It's like, oh wow, Chris, I thought you were totally judging me. And I'm feeling a little upset and angry about it. And then you're like, dude, I was literally thinking about what I'm buying. like when I go to this place. Exactly. That's usually the case. You know, it's like what I'm going to do with my friend like down the road. It's those unspoken things, right? That's so often relationships. It's what's not said, I think, that gets us so much more in trouble than what's actually said.

50:44Yes.

50:45Will Van Derveer: So true.

50:46Krista Van Derveer: Absolutely. And if we're not saying them, we don't understand what our capacity our partnership has.

50:50Will Van Derveer: No.

50:51Krista Van Derveer: We're not actually leaning in to see what's available to us in our connection.

50:56Will Van Derveer: I think it was Krista who mentioned this earlier, but one of your agreements also is we agree to repair ruptures abundantly and stay in conversation. That's fancy language. What's actually mean? Yeah. Well, do you want to take a stab at that? Well, so it's a common phenomenon I probably almost anyone can relate to is you're in an argument with someone you care about and they raise their hand or say something sharp and walk away, and there's no completion of that experience. Maybe they come back in the room ten minutes later and everyone's acting like nothing happened or that the moment is over, it's passed.

51:38Will Van Derveer: And the person who might be tracking that or feeling that the moment hasn't passed and there's something left to do might not feel comfortable bringing it up, right? So abundant repair is when, As we were talking about earlier, our litmus test is that our bodies are relaxed and want to be with each other. There's no more sense of concern or edge. It takes time sometimes to get to the abundant repair. But we do have an efficient strategy that we use. Krista, do you want to tell Jonathan about it? I'm thinking about the one where one of us is really upset and the other one points to the couch. Couch time.

52:24Yeah.

52:24Krista Van Derveer: So this is something that really helps co-regulate each other. So that means basically like I'm not going off on my own and leaving the conversation to self-regulate myself until I maybe feel ready for the conversation or maybe I'm not even going to go back into the conversation. But if one of us point to the couch, that means that usually there's one of us who's pretty activated and not regulated, not centered, we're pretty disrupted. And so the dysregulated person will lay on the couch on their back and the less dysregulated person will lay on top of them and we'll just breathe and breathe together until there's some sort of somatic relief in the system.

53:08Krista Van Derveer: And usually, you know, it happens after 30 seconds or a minute and then we can go back into the content. But really staying inside of the conversation is the big point of this agreement.

53:20Will Van Derveer: Okay, does that really work? Because I'm just picturing one really pissed off person lying down on a couch facing up. The other one lying down on top of them. And the person on the bottom just being like, now I'm even more bothered because I just lie here and go into my own space and relax. But you're saying this is actually a thing that legitimately works.

53:42Krista Van Derveer: Legitimately. There's a couple of things. Will, you probably know the science better. But for me, it's like the pressure of Will. Let's say I'm furious. And he points to the couch and I'm even like, heck no, I'm not going to the couch. But because we have this practice, I know that it works. And there's a part of me that actually was like, okay, fine. When I feel his body on me, there's the weight. And my body starts to relax. When I feel our chests breathing together. There's probably something related to mother, I'm guessing. Well, you might know, but like there's something that actually happens where if I'm willing and just settle down, my nervous system will literally calm down.

54:22Krista Van Derveer: And it might, again, it might take a minute, but it does absolutely, at least for us, 100 % success rate. Like it's never failed for us?

54:32Will Van Derveer: Well, I think there are a number of things going on. You know, there's the hormone oxytocin, the social connection hormone that gets activated when an infant and a mother are cuddling and there's breastfeeding going on and so on. I think that when two mammals who are in the same family are touching each other, that's happening. There's also interesting electrophysiology happening around heart rate variability and the autonomic nervous system and the social engagement system of the parasympathetic part of the vagal nerve. So there's a lot happening that tips the scale away from, you know, overdrive of fight or flight system toward more rest and digest.

55:21Will Van Derveer: And it does seem to be more efficient than talking about things, because when you're very activated, at least when I'm very activated, I often say things that I regret later. But it's better for me not to allow my vocal cords to be worked by a younger part of me that's really furious, at least in the heat of the moment. Yeah. I mean, what's interesting to me here also is that so we started out with this single agreement we we agree to repair ruptures abundantly and stay in the conversation right okay so you agree to that but then you get to a point where like there's a really major rupture yeah there's there's a big fierce argument and then so you don't just leave it at the agreement you're like okay so for us to honor this agreement we need tools and strategies and maybe tools and strategies that we actually don't have at the time we're making the agreement.

56:16Will Van Derveer: So then part of what you're agreeing to here is also saying, if we don't have those, in order for us to honor, then we need to actually get them. We need to create them. We need to study them. We need to learn them. That's part of what we're talking about here. It's not just saying we're going to write down this agreement and try and honor it. It's like, we're going to write down this agreement because it matters to us. It lets us uphold the vision of the relationship that we want. Let's us create the union and the impact that we want to have within the relationship and outside of it. But maybe at the same time, we've got some of the skills needed to actually honor it.

56:56Will Van Derveer: But this matters so much to us that this is going to actually motivate us now to actually go and develop the skills and strategies so that we can honor this because it means a lot to me. So it's almost like it tells you where to spend your energy and what to invest in also.

57:14Krista Van Derveer: That's so well articulated. And when we need it, and even when we're just trying to stay optimized as a couple, but also when we really need it, we'll bring in support if we can't do it ourselves, which is another way of adding to our toolkit. Yeah.

57:32Will Van Derveer: So you shared that you have 24, 25 agreements between you.

57:36Krista Van Derveer: We have 24. We made it 25th about a year ago, but we can't remember what it is. So we'll see. We're just going to stick with 24.

57:44Will Van Derveer: The 25th agreement is actually to write down the future agreements so we don't remember. Thinking back over nine years together, seven years in marriage, of those agreements, do you have a sense for what the single hardest one has been to consistently honor? Chris is nodding. What do you got?

58:05Krista Van Derveer: Yeah, Will actually said it before, which I was surprised you brought that one. That was great, which is the agreement to see each other with fresh eyes every day because of how hard it is to realize that every time we go away from each other, something's happened to us. We have new experiences. If we're lucky, we have new insights about ourself or we move the needle in our own level of self-development. And when we come back together, we're slightly a different person. and when we commit to seeing with each other with fresh eyes every day we're committing to the aliveness and the generativity that actually we embody as human beings and that we're not like i'm not looking at will and be like oh here we go again here's will i already know who he is i know what he's going to say but it requires that i bring forward something that my brain isn't you know, maybe habitually used to, which is seeing Will as a evolving, developing human being every minute of his life, even if he's comfortable and, you know, not going after the growth mentality all the time.

59:13Krista Van Derveer: But he is, he's a different person. So that I think for both of us, Will, is the hardest agreement that we have.

59:20Will Van Derveer: It runs counter to what our brain wants to do in terms of conserving energy. When we've been around a person for a while, we tend to automatically assume the opposite of what Christa was describing. You know, that, okay, here's the, I know this person. There was a rabbi, I can't remember which rabbi, I'm not Jewish, but there was a rabbi who said, the worst thing you can say about a person is I know that guy. Which is a similar message of what we're talking about. how do we bring an elevated level of curiosity to every moment with each other and that was something i learned from christopher the first time is that curiosity is a discipline and a practice it's not something that just happens spontaneously in my life prior to christ i thought well that's just something that i either have curiosity about this situation or i don't and it's not my responsibility to stay in touch with curiosity.

1:00:22Will Van Derveer: That really lands so powerfully with me, both of you, this notion of, especially the longer you are, you're in a relationship with somebody, the more you've been through, the more you've had like versions of the same conversation. You just start to assume, I know this person. I know your towels. I know your values. I know your beliefs. I know everything about you. I know what you're thinking right now, what you're feeling and how you're going to respond. And you just assume, like, you know the next word out of a person's mouth. And it's just so often wrong. And it leads to so much friction, so much conflict that doesn't have to happen.

1:01:01Krista Van Derveer: Totally. And as somebody, for both of us, I think Will and I both value really being seen and really being known by your partner. And that gets completely missed when we're operating from, I already know you.

1:01:13Will Van Derveer: And it's also a weird thing to say, but you don't know me. In a way, it's unsettling. Because it's like, if we're both constantly in a process of growth and change and evolution, on the one hand, we want certain things to always be the same, because we feel like that's the bedrock of a relationship. we're concerned that if we're constantly growing and changing if the puzzle pieces individually are changing shape over time that you know seven years ten years from now if they still fit the way they did in the beginning um that's not entirely within our control and that creates a lot of fear i think to a certain extent we don't want the other person to be different but then when they show up the same way in a way that bugs you you you like you you punish them for it so it's It's like a total catch-22.

1:02:08Will Van Derveer: We want them to be different only in the ways that we want them to be different. Only in the way that somehow benefits us in exactly the way we want to benefit. So somebody who's just kind of joining us and saying, this sounds really interesting. I'm open to the idea of relationship agreements. Where do I start? What would you say to them?

1:02:27Krista Van Derveer: My advice would be to start where the two of you, assuming you're in a partnership, where the two of you tend to have breakdowns. and or continued loops where you get stuck and can't quite get out of where you're getting stuck. And if you really look to see, okay, what am I doing in that moment? What are you doing in that moment? What do we want to be doing in that moment? Then you can start to really look to see, okay, what might the agreement need to be or what do we want it to be in order to make it through those stuck areas? That would be one area.

1:03:02Will Van Derveer: I think you could also ask the question in addition to what Krista said of what are we up to as a couple? What are we committed to? What are we here to do together? Why are we together? And some couples get together every year and ask themselves that question with fresh eyes. And I think that's a beautiful practice. It's interesting that you said some people will do it on a regular basis. because I'm also thinking, you know, the way that you might step into this would be very different if it was a brand new relationship versus heading towards some major commitment versus a long-time relationship, but maybe going through a major change, like kids leaving the house or something like that.

1:03:47Will Van Derveer: It's like, oh, wait a minute. We've had these, like, other beings in the home with us for 18, 20 years, and it's been a blessing and incredible and also chaos and also a buffer. And now that's not there anymore. Like, who are we? What do we stand for? Like, what is our relationship? And then what are the agreements that we might sit down and make together to support this? And also probably even the question, like, are we on the same page with the fundamentals about, like, what this relationship is about? And, you know, on the one hand, it sounds like potentially really hard conversations, but at the same time, not having them isn't really in service of anything good.

1:04:31Yeah, I think that's so well said.

1:04:33Will Van Derveer: Yeah, it's sort of this balance. I really appreciate what you said a few minutes ago, Jonathan, about how scary it is to imagine that the person coming home from their workday is a different person from the one who left in the morning and how much fear we have as human beings of change and of not knowing what's going on. so that i think there's a balance of of feeling that security and having a a foundation under our feet but also feeling the challenge slash adventure of accepting that life is full of those changes that are always happening to us all the time and developing a way to to meet those challenges um as joyfully and um sovereignly if that's an adverb as possible you know yeah there there's um there's an energy in me that's always kind of said stasis is death um individually and i would imagine to a certain extent i share that same belief when it comes to the relationships that matter most to me um i don't know whether that's right or wrong i just know for me it's it's something that is something i've always believed and i've always felt and maybe they'll change maybe that changes for me over time too maybe seasons of my life that changes to a certain extent also um where just stability and comfort becomes actually something that's much important to me like i'll hold the space for that but um yeah it's it's it is interesting the way that we all dance individually with this notion of you know, security, wanting the security and the stability, and at the same time, wanting everything that growth and evolution and change also gives to us.

1:06:24Will Van Derveer: I don't think there's any one right answer, but it's a question that I constantly ask. It feels like a good place for us to come full circle in our conversation in this container of Good Life Project. If I offer up the phrase to live a good life, what comes up? So Christa, I'll ask that of you first.

1:06:38Krista Van Derveer: For me, to live a good life is to really be so deeply in contact with what's moving through me so that I can actually share that with others and support others in sharing with me. And I think that for me, the good life is really having deep, rich connections with the beings around us. It brings me a lot of joy and goodness.

1:07:02Will Van Derveer: For me, I'm living my best life when I'm chasing ambitious goals of having impact in the world while at the same time balancing those activities with deep connection with myself and the people around me. Thank you both. Hey, before you leave, be sure to tune in next week for our conversation with Dr. Deepika Chopra about toxic positivity and how to be optimistic without tipping into delusion, distraction, or even harm. So be sure to follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss the next episode. This episode of Good Life Project was produced by executive producers Lindsay Fox and me, Jonathan Fields.

1:07:42Will Van Derveer: Editing help by Alejandro Ramirez and Troy Young. Chris Carter crafted our theme music. And of course, if you haven't already done so, please go ahead and follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts. If you found this conversation interesting or valuable and inspiring, chances are you did because you're still here. Do me a personal favor, a seven-second favor, and share it with just one person. If you want to share it with more, hey, that's awesome. But just one person, even then, invite them to talk with you about what you've both discovered to reconnect and explore ideas that really matter.

1:08:15Will Van Derveer: Because that's how we all come alive together. Until next time, I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project. Good Life Project is supported by Peloton. So you know those times when life feels like it's moving at full speed and finding space to take care of yourself feels impossible, that's exactly when the right kind of movement can change everything. The new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus is built for that kind of life. It's Peloton's most elevated equipment yet, powered by Peloton IQ with real-time coaching and endless ways to move, run, lift, stretch, or just reset. Peloton IQ helps you make progress without the guesswork.

1:08:52Will Van Derveer: It's movement tracking camera, count your reps, correct your form, and even suggests the right weight so every workout feels purposeful. The swivel screen makes it easy to switch from a 45-minute run to a quick stretch and one smooth spin. And with personalized plans that match your energy, your mood, your goals, staying consistent suddenly feels simple. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at onepeloton.com or just click the link in the show notes. With no fees or minimums on checking accounts, It's no wonder the Capital One bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One.

1:09:31Will Van Derveer: If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums. He'd also talk about how most Capital One cafes are open seven days a week to assist with your banking needs. Yep, even on weekends, it's pretty much all he talks about. In a good way. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See CapitalOne.com slash bank. Capital One N.A. Member FDIC. Did you know you can save up to 70 % on your favorite brands every single day? FromRebel.com sells strollers, car seats, espresso machines, skincare, cookware, everything you need for your home, your family, and your life, all for way less. Here's how it works.

1:10:11Will Van Derveer: Every day, Rebel drops thousands of new products for up to 70 % off. It's a nonstop feed of deals from brands like Upababy, Nuna, Baby Bjorn, Nespresso, Breville, Wilson, Dyson, Caraway, and more. But every listing is one of a kind. So if you see something you love, you have to move fast. Why pay full price when you don't have to? From baby gear to tech to self-care staples, Rebel helps you save big on brands you know and love. Shop now at FromRebel.com. Guys, it's no use putting it off. The best time for an underwear refresh is now. Tommy John underwear is designed for a perfect fit that stays put all day.

1:10:51Will Van Derveer: There's zero chafe thanks to four times more stretch than competing brands. And their innovative horizontal quick draw fly is a game changer. With over 30 million pairs sold, there are thousands of men out there more comfortable than you. Don't settle for less. Go to TommyJohn.com today for 30 % off site-wide with code COMFORT. That's TommyJohn.com slash COMFORT. Tommy John, comfort perfected.