Episode 441: Peter Crone on Breaking Mental Prisons + How To Dissolve Limiting Beliefs in Seconds

24:07Yes. Okay. So say that again. So someone - This isn't the snicker bar like version. This is not that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I got to really laser focus. So think about it this way. So this house that we're in, beautiful house, can only exist because of the foundations, but we can't see the foundations. But nonetheless, the house could not exist if it weren't for them, nor could we build a bigger house relative to the size of foundation. So think of the foundations like the subconscious. So everything that happens in this house is directly commensurate with the foundations that allow for it.

24:39Yes, I'm following you. Yes. So likewise, someone's personality and their conscious thoughts and the words they say can only exist to the degree that their foundations of their subconscious allow. Right. So you can't change the foundation. No, well, you can because... You can? Yeah, you can. That's sort of, you know, sort of mental emotional excavation, I guess. I guess it is, yeah. The re-architecture. But you can because the difference between, like, you know, the concrete that's beneath this, this is based in language, which is why words are so important, because subconscious constraints are also based in programming.

25:11So, for example, the I'm not enough, which everybody can relate to, will manifest differently depending on somebody's circumstances and their proclivities towards, you know, whatever it is, focused on relationships, focused on money, it will manifest in that way. But the I'm not enough isn't an inherent truth, it's just a constraint. But if it's been there for 40 years, it's very convincing for that person. They'll say, oh, I'm so dumb, or oh, I'm never going to meet anyone or why was I trying to start a business? I'm so stupid to think that I would be successful. Those words make sense for somebody at a deeper foundational level think that they're not enough.

25:44So what I would do is hear those things. They're not truths. There's no truth in saying I'm dumb or I'm an idiot or I'm a failure. That's not a truth. It's a statement, a declaration that reinforces a deeper narrative. If we can access that, You know, this is what I do in my masterminds or when I'm working with people. It's so revelatory. It's so moving because people are like, holy shit, like, I don't even know what I could do now because you're not being confined by anything anymore. Right. And so in your work, you can actually take away that ideology at a foundational level. Yes. How? Like, you're in a mastermind.

26:20Let's say I'm in your mastermind. Like, I like to know the nitty gritty. Yeah, no, I love that. I love your attention to detail. It's the attention. Because I feel like, especially on this podcast or like in my life, I'm sure with you too, like you meet a lot of different people, experts in this and experts in that. And they give you this very panoramic, big, you know, overarching ideologies. But in real life, it's really hard to kind of ask, you know. Conceptual, yes. So one last Saturday in my mastermind, which just started, it's a three and a half month process. We meet every two weeks on a Saturday.

26:51It's a long day. I do theory and then I coach people. So one of the women I was coaching, she had people from all around the world who attend. and she's in Holland and she's a mom of two kids. And she had a question. She struggles with migraines and particularly around her cycle. And there's some sort of physiological associations, but really what it came down to her deep subconscious pattern was it's all up to her that it's not like she's thinking that it's almost so, well, yeah, I'm a single mom. Of course, it's like, it's so commonplace for her to act that way, but it started when she was young and And she had to drive her dad, who was an alcoholic.

27:25And when she's a kid, having all of this responsibility put onto her that wasn't hers to have. So she, from a very young age, developed the idea that lives are in danger. It's not like she's saying this, but these are her care providers and she's young. So for a kid who's really dependent, she had to. It's the energy of resistance. If you have to, you must, you need to. These words carry weight, right? So for a kid, it's like, I literally have to keep my dad alive because he's the one paying or providing food or shelter. But then that continues and now it's perfect. She's fulfilling on the sentence of her subconscious, which we all do.

28:02So now she's a single mom and now she feels like it's incumbent upon her to do everything. I understand the logic of it, but it's not a truth. So how do I undo that? I take people through an exercise. So, for example, I said, you know, if I cut you open, am I going to find a manufacturing label that says, you know, da-da-da, you're from Holland, it's all up to you. And she laughs and said, no, of course not. I'm like, okay, so it's not part of your hardware. So where does it exist? She's like, well, it's what I believe. Okay, great. So it's software. Software we can play with, right? I can't change the color of your eyes.

28:30I'm not at that level yet. Yes. I throw that in there. Exactly. Stay in the possibility of it. Yes. But the language that I could do something with. So then I said, okay, so where does it exist? She's like, well, it's in my mind. Great. what's the format? Well, it's all up to me. It's words, right? Okay, yeah. So if it's just words, is it an absolute truth? I get your it's how you feel. I get it's what you've done. But is it a truth that it's all up to you? And she really got it. She said, No, it's not a truth. You see the shoulders drop, the physiological breathing patterns change. And it was so beautiful.

29:01And this will be coming out because we can use it as a podcast episode. And she said, Oh, my God, I, I don't even like I've just been introduced to a world I don't even know how to explore. and it's so profound like that's my my response normally is i'm introducing you to a world that you're not familiar with because when you've lived in the world from a very young age you know we had a few years prior when we're just free and kids and we do whatever and we throw up on people's we don't know we're doing anything wrong and then we're suddenly we learn at one point that being us isn't enough like there's something that kicks in at a very young age to terrible twos because we start to hear wrong bad don't do this so it's a very interesting part in the arc of a human being's personality, where suddenly we're told that who we are is no longer just unconditionally loved.

29:45And then from that point forth, all we're doing is trying to get that back. I understand what you mean. And so it all stems from an experience or a time in your childhood that you're acting out in adulthood, I guess. Yeah, that's continued because it was so jarring. Sometimes it's really traumatic. I've helped a lot of people who've had some abhorrent things happen to them, you know, the whole world of sexual abuse, which sadly happens to a lot of kids. And now it's a parent or a child, an adult who's managing real physical sickness, real trauma in relationships, which is still playing out the unreconciled trauma from childhood.

30:22Do you know, are there specific patterns that you see over and over again? Yes. Okay, what are they? Well, some of the most common ones are the feeling of inadequacy, like I'm not enough. For women, particularly the feeling of insecurity, like we're not safe, you know, as a woman, because sadly for hundreds of years, the patriarchal has been somewhat abusive, you know, in varying degrees, right? And so, and then some sense of scarcity. They're the three main buckets that everybody has. There's something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm not safe in the world. Like, I can't just, you know, leave my house open.

30:53No worries. Like there's crime out there. The world is dangerous, right? And then there's never enough. Like even I've worked with, you know, 15, 20 billionaires and they're still in a scarcity mindset because it's part of the human condition. So then how does that even stop? But you were saying even earlier, even the Kobe, for example, he became really successful because of a chip on his shoulder that he had to prove that he's not, that he is enough, right? That's what I see all the time, too. I think that whole thing, if you really, when I talk to a lot of people, that's kind of, when you peel back the layers, that's really what kind of motivates a lot of people, right?

31:28It does, yeah. Because they're trying to prove something to themselves subconsciously, that they are enough, that they can do it, that, you know, just that they just are relentless. That will be what it takes. But you just said it there in your own speaking, like they're trying to prove it to themselves. Yeah, prove it to themselves. So it's me against me, right? It's my story of inadequacy that I think is because my dad said I'm a loser and I'll never amount to anything. But actually, that's just one thing that he said that probably took like 10 seconds, but I've been carrying for a decade. Yeah.

31:55Two decades, three decades. So are you fighting a dad anymore? Or is you fighting your own belief that you've actually started to own and identify at. And that's the old analogy of driving a car with one foot on the brake and one foot on the accelerator at the same time, which is how most people live their lives and why they get sick. Well, you said something, hold on. I wanna like, hold on, I'm gonna open this thing up. Sure, reference your notes. Yeah, that I haven't even looked at. Okay, so like I wanted, there was a line, something like, you know, you help people go from where they are to where they think they should be.

32:24Yeah. Like, because I think that where we think, we should be versus where we actually are is why people get so frustrated and depressed and upset because they always think they should have had a different life that they have right now. Yeah, and it's one of the things I do live events now and I spoke recently at one of them talking about how it's incredible the amount of energy a human being exerts and puts into trying not to be where they are. That's, I think, what social media has done though too, right? It certainly contributed to it. It does, social media in and of itself is not doing anything.

32:59It's just appealing to these mechanisms of one of the fundamental prisons where we think that the way our life is, isn't it? But we're getting that. Right. But you can never get there because you're never in the future. There's only the proverbial now that Eckhart Tolle has been talking about for 40 years. Oh my God, by the way, am I the only person who talks to you that has to like really listen intently to like, it's not just me, okay? No, no, no. Right? Because the way you speak about these things, it's like you have to pay attention. You can't just like, you know. Just shoot the breeze and talk about what you had at Chipotle.

33:31Yeah, exactly. Like thinking about where my errands for later. No, I'm going to ask you to be fully present with me, my dear. I have to be because it's like you're taking it back. But I feel like that's what we do, right? Like no one seems to be happy with where they are. They're always seeking for betterment. Like that's what personal growth really is though, right? You want to go from where you are to a better version of yourself to a better version of yourself. You can. I'm somebody who's utterly committed to doing the best I can with this lifetime and accessing, realizing my potential. But there's different ways by which we move.

34:04Most people move because of fear and lack and scarcity. There's something wrong. And so the person who goes to the gym and signs up at the beginning of the year and pays their 50 to 300 bucks a month or whatever it is, is invariably being driven by something that they are not wanting. So most people's wanting energy of wanting, it creates time, right? If I want something, then what I'm actually saying is I don't have it. So now I create time. So now I've got some sort of future idea of what it is that I feel will fulfill on, in this case, really a sense of accomplishment or peace. Oftentimes wanting is really, we just want relief from the suffering that we're in.

34:38So not wanting is usually the catalyst for wanting. So someone doesn't want to be out of shape. Someone doesn't want to be pre-diabetic. Somebody doesn't want to be obese. And so they're now, well, what I'm going to do is go to the gym and get a membership and a trainer. That's fine. They might get some results, but invariably they're being informed by what I call the negation, the not. So that wanting can get results, but invariably they will fall by the wayside and they'll not show up after the first month or whatever it is, or they cancel the membership because it's not a creative form of desire.

35:10It's a reactive form. And when humans are reactive, we're actually holding onto something we don't want and trying to mitigate it or disprove it. So that's the, again, the slippery and insidious part of the ego is it's like it knows relatives to society, well, I don't look good right now and I want to be loved and accepted. That's one of the primordial imperatives of every human is I want to be loved and accepted because it goes back to that kid who felt they weren't. And so in order to do that, what do I have to do? Because I know who I am right now isn't. Which isn't that I'm not loved and accepted by society, but I'm not loved and accepted by myself.

35:41And so then the exhausting game of trying to become who I think I need to be to garner that from outside, which will never work because you're not trying to get it from outside because everyone's playing the same game. If you think about it, it's kind of hilarious. Should people get high before they listen to this episode? So they can, can they can. I don't know if that will help, possibly. I hope, I think so because I feel like they can really focus on this. Yeah. I mean, many people do say that they have to listen to things, you know, four or five times to really get it. To really get it. But it makes perfect sense.

36:11But it's just like, you're saying it so like matter-of-factly. Because it is, because it's physics, right? You know, I've been doing this for 30 years. So for me, it's very clear. And I think, excuse me, that's one of the reasons that people are drawn to and enamored with my work because even if they can't keep track right now because they've got their own kind of fog of their own ego, they can hear the the inherent truth about what i'm saying it's not even my opinion so much as it's just the mechanics of what it is to be human no it's it's a hundred percent true yeah it's about the see i think what i what i notice even in my with myself it's not that i don't know you know people i think intellectually or like just whatever they they know what they need to eat they know that what they have to do but it's in the execution that everything falls apart right because life or like they rationalize it or these blind spots and so like how that to me is what the most interesting thing is it's like you can see my blind spots right i can see your blind spot if i spent like time with you like you know i would i would come back and be like oh he has this this this and this is his blind spot but yeah because you know i'm a very then this is probably you know i'm hyper i think i'm observant and critical i'm very critical but does that mean if I'm a critical person that really I'm critical of myself.

37:26100%. And you're just mirroring whatever it is that... Yeah, it's not only mirroring what you see for yourself, it's also mirroring the coping strategies that you've developed. Interesting. Yeah, so you've become very astute. Like if I were to put you in a general consensus, it's like a very easy label people have heard, it's like you're a perfectionist. Yeah, but only with myself. I'm not a perfectionist. That's where it all starts. Yeah, that's all it starts. But I notice everybody's idiosyncrasies and not just short, I notice everything, like how someone uses their hand and twitches their foot or how they're looking at me or if they're nodding and what they're thinking.

38:02My brain is constantly in a loop of that. So one level you can look at that as a great asset. Like I have the same, right? So I make a distinction between being highly observant and being vigilant. They both carry the capacity to really be very present with your surroundings and be very aware. Like you've got this keen eye where you can notice, as you said, these little subtleties. I notice when someone's breathing pattern changes when I'm talking to them, right? So I can see different softness in their face, you know, sometimes when they've sort of let go of a constraint. But being observant, most people are observant, but from a place of previous need to survive.

38:38So their powers of observation have got this underlying current of fear, and that's vigilant. So I would assert, you know, not wrong or right, that much of your capacity to see things was and maybe still is informed a little bit by fear where you're trying to get everything right or you're wanting to have things a certain way control probably yes yeah which again control as a behavior is where there's an underlying feeling of insecurity where you you don't you got hurt before when things were out of your control so now i'm not going to be hurt again so i'm going to make sure that i control everything that i can which is really just perpetuating the previous hurt as opposed to experiencing the hurt allowing it and then stepping into what is literally a brand new day every day.

39:18So how do you walk through life then? Are you perfect now? No, I don't even like the word. No, because again, I say, please don't become perfect. You'll have no one to relate to. Yeah, right. So that's an adaptation. It's a strategy that the ego will use because the ego doesn't accept itself. I've gotten to a point where I'm just okay being me, you know, and people are going to think whatever they want to think. That's okay. That's a great place to be. And I'm compassionate. I'm loving. I'm kind. I don't in any way claim to be perfect in every arena of life. I'm sure, you know, I've lost money on the stock market.

39:48I could have done better there. You know, like, am I really diligent all the time with my workouts? No, but I'm pretty damn good. You know, there's going to be room for improvement in all areas of my life. I'm just okay with that. And I'm doing the best I can. So I embrace my humanity, which actually allows me, I think, to perform even better because I don't have these limiting feelings of inadequacy or judgment and self-pity and woe that a lot of people do where they beat the shit out of themselves because I should have done this. I'm like, no, I'm pretty chill. You're pretty chill about that.

40:17It's true because you seem pretty chill when you walked in here. Much more chill than I thought you were going to be. But then again, I barely know you. Because you were telling me about the buckets for women, where the patterns are. What are the buckets and patterns for men that you see a lot? Well, I said women more about the insecurities. For men, it tends to be more about performance. For women, obviously, the primordial focus is on appearance and beauty, right? These are like deep in DNA, right? The prettiest girl wins the alpha male. So this is how you continue the species, right? This is deep, deep, deep DNA stuff.

40:48So for men, it's more around performance, right? Like whether that be sports, sex, business, money, like, you know, that's where men struggle, right? Is that they're scared that they're not going to be doing something well enough. And so those are just big generalizations. But sometimes men can feel scared. I mean, I've helped a lot of guys who their dad was mercurial and really angry. And so they're scared too. You know, they tend to cower if it's somebody of status or a boss or same thing. You can still have that same feeling of insecurity. So how do you work with someone like that to kind of get over the need to outperform?

41:24And by again, tracing it back to what is the underlying like root narrative in their subconscious? Like where did that start? Where was the first time you thought that being you wasn't enough or how you had to compensate was be the best or get the A or whatever it is. And so you normally, people can remember, sometimes they forget, but when I'm having a conversation with them, they'll remember, wow, I can, you know, the first time I came home with my sister, my grade card, and she got all A's, and I got a B, and my dad, I could see he was really disappointed. Something super benign. But nonetheless, at that moment, that child decided that I'm less than my sister or my brother.

41:57And so from that moment forward, they've tried to not be less than, which of course reinforces less than. But the way that shows up in behavioral adaptations is hardworking, perfectionist, people pleaser, you know, sort of now they've got adrenal fatigue, you know, it manifests in the physiology over time. So I would help them go back to that and say, okay, so at that moment, did it really mean that you were less than or did it mean you got B's and they got A's? And so you start to separate emotion from fact, right, which is where PTSD, you know, where people associate a moment with how they felt versus allowing the moment to be the moment.

42:30My dad went to work and died, right? But for years, I had a story of loss, which no one would begrudge me. It made sense. If I didn't lose my dad, my dad died, right? And so the story of loss impacted me, the truth of my dad dying, and I can still have grief. I miss the crap out of him. I know he'd be so proud of what I've accomplished in the world. These are all still legitimate, but I'm not losing anything anymore. Otherwise, it's a part of me that's gone, right? Yeah. It sounds like you do a lot of reframing and self-talk. Reframing and the self-talk is really a dissolution process of self-talk.

43:01I don't solve problems i dissolve them is what i tell people so people's problems sit on top of the narrative that is a confining space so i reveal the confining space and then the dissolution of that opens them up to a world of pure possibility you you know that that now it reminds me of a video i saw that i think was what came up on my feed that you did okay which was about like love and falling in love yes that that one went crazy that's like 6.5 million views or something Really? Yeah. Because it was so, that to me, it was like, it was so, the way it was worded was very interesting. Yeah. Right?

43:37So that was someone in my live event. So I work with people in the crowd, which is really fun. People I've never met before. I don't know what they're going to say. I've had someone who had chronic pain I showed him he didn't to someone who was a loser and was on heroin and in jail to realize he's not a loser. I mean, really moving stuff. Wow. And that woman, yeah, she was lovely. Juliana, I think her name is. But she was saying how she was 39 and worried about not finding love again. And she was talking about this one big love of hers when she was 20 and, you know, never feeling like she could ever revisit that.

44:05And, you know, so I was helping her see that she had collapsed love with the person, which we all do. Like, I'm in love with you in that person. And then if that person goes away, well, now I'm devastated. And so I just help people see, no, that person is extraordinary. And you might have hopefully a lifetime with them, maybe raise a family and it's beautiful, but the love is yours they might simply be the catalyst and the inspiration for it just as the anger is yours but they could be the inspiration for it like you pissed me off well no they didn't said what they did and you had a reaction so that completely changed her life and apparently millions of others where they're like holy shit like people who've just gone through a breakup they're devastated they're depressed like what's the point it's like oh no i had so much love that's me that's i can take that now in theory you can take it anywhere but of course you're gonna have preferences of the kind of people you want to hang out with.

44:52Like, I'm a super uber loving guy. Doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life with everybody, but I'm still the source of my love. Well, yeah, I think the way it was worded or something was something to the effect that it's not that you were in love with him, it's that you were in love with the way it made you feel. The version of you that you became through and with him. And that's the journey of self-revelation and self-realization is that life is revealing our own potentialities in all regards. It's not just love, although I would assert that's our predominant state. But you get pissed off with someone and see how angry you can get.

45:28It's not because of them, it's who you became through and because of them in terms of that energy, but it's still yours. And so that then introduces responsibility that most people don't want. Because again, going back to what I said earlier, that most people are at the effect of life. Well, no, I'm happy because I got good news from Sersa. I'm pissed off because of what my wife or husband said. I'm angry because, no, then you're a victim of circumstance. Right, so you're saying that when we start putting things on the external only, that's not, we can't define ourselves or our happiness or sadness based on outside.

46:04You can, but you're going to be left unfulfilled and feeling hopeless because then that's when you become a control person, freak, whatever word people want to use. Yeah. Because you're saying, well, it's ipso factor, right? If I feel hurt or happy by my environment, I'm going to do everything I can to control the environment so that I manage my emotions. That's an exhausting way to try and manage yourself. If I can learn to be okay with whatever's happening at peace with life, I've won. Right. And you have to, I guess you have to practice that. Awareness and practice, they're the two main buckets.

46:34As I said, most people just aren't aware. So that's why I have compassion. I say you can't be held accountable for that which you're oblivious to. So people are judgmental of someone who's smoking cigarettes. Well, yeah, the world knows cigarettes are bad, but that person's still doing it. It's not like they're like, oh, I can't wait to have a cigarette because I know it's great for my vitality. They're still in some form of suffering. And the cigarette is their mechanism of relief. And now it's become a habit. But they're not aware of why, because underneath it, they feel like they're a piece of shit or nobody loves them or, you know, that's the suffering.

47:04That's the real addiction is the idea of our own inadequacy is the addiction. Then whatever shows up on top of that, pick your poison. Yeah, but if you can get out of that, then you're free. You can be okay with whatever. That's why my main product is freedom. Freedom, because everyone wants to feel freedom. Yes, but they're under the impression freedom will come when they perfect their circumstances. Right, it's like, it's basically like a loop. It's an exhausting loop. Exhausting. Because I think also it's like your behavior is a product of what your subconscious thinks. Yes. It's not just, you're not just acting willy-nilly.

47:37No, no, no, no, no. No, that's why the quote, again, Carl Jung is so beautiful, because he said, until you make the unconscious, I call subconscious conscious, it will drive your life, meaning it's what's informing, but you'll call it fate. Right, okay, so. So all behavior, like I said earlier, the words that you say, the genesis of them are these blind spots. So we think, oh, it's just bad luck. No, it's the energetic signature that you occupy in the way that you see yourself at the deepest level that creates your energetic way of relating to everything in life. So there's no coincidence. Is this like frequency and vibration?

48:12Everything is frequency and vibration. Language, words, and even testers said, right? You want to understand the universe? Think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration. Yes. So how can you change, and how does someone change that frequency or that energy? By recognizing if they're living in a prison based on linguistic, like what I call prisons, right? You're saying you have 10 of them too, right? Yes, but it gets more complex. Oh, God. Yeah. Well, because each one has got a shadow side too. So I'll give you an example. So someone who thinks they're not good enough, typically that becomes an adaptive way as a coping strategy.

48:41So if someone is in an environment where they think they're not good enough, fill in the blank. Because one of my baseball players, he could go four for five in a baseball game, which is amazing. He got four hits out of five at bats. It's amazing. But he was still miserable in the locker room. People don't understand why. Because as a kid, his dad would always tell him, well, what happened to the fifth at bat? So that's still the continuation of that feeling that he still wasn't enough. So for most people in the realm of I'm not enough at the deepest level, that will inform perfectionism, people pleasing, hard work, A-type drive, you know, that people are trying to compensate for.

49:11So if I'm not something, typically the way that the brain reacts to that is I'll try and become something. Do you see? I'm not something because that's something you want that. You want to be good. So I'm not that. You know, again, people aren't thinking I'm not good. They're thinking all sorts of things. why can't I get a raise or why am I not making enough money or why can't I attract a good mate that's all on top of the feeling of inadequacy so then it's the compensations to become good or better the darker side of I'm not good enough is I am bad and that's typically where people have grown up in a little bit more of a harsh environment where they were dismissed or they were really treated like shit or they were around an alcoholic parent and they were beaten and so sadly, although the not good enough can still be really painful and can lead to sickness and disease and dysfunction and all sorts, most people are at least striving to do better.

50:00Somebody who's, I'm bad, tends to really become the addicts and the sort of really self-defeating, homeless, eventually maybe, like really destructive behaviors. Because you're saying, I am something derogatory. And so that's where it becomes, well, fuck it and the woe and then self-fulfilling prophecy of like, well, who gives a shit anyway? And that's where people can sabotage their lives to a really detrimental level. What's another prism that you have? I'm not loved. A lot of people have that one. Really? Yeah, a lot of people don't. I'm not lovable or I'm not loved? It can be either or. Words can be very subtle in the way it lands for people, but it's basically the same phenomenon that I'm not accepted for who I am.

50:41So what would be the shadow of that? um so like if you will think about it well if someone is not loved right so wanting to be loved is you know a good thing but if if you're not loved what would be a darker side of that i'm not liked i'm hated or i'm not lovable well yeah the darker side could be still as a not i'm not even wanted oh i'm not wanted okay so not loved okay you can stay around as a kid and it's like but you're not getting affection mom doesn't hold you dad doesn't tell you love you doesn't acknowledge you. So that's a horrible feeling. But if a parent says, you know, you were a mistake, which kids have heard, you know, or they might even hear the dad over, like I had to, a friend of mine, she's a therapist and these two kids, girls wanted to go through all the transition bullshit, whatever, you know, and wanted to be boys.

51:30And she fortunately helped them because they didn't. What they had, what had happened is they'd overheard their dad one day saying to the mom, you know, I really wish I'd had boys, which was for him a sort of a, just, Who knows the context of their conversation? But those girls heard that. The interpretation is we're not wanted for who we are, but if we become boys, we'll be loved. That's how primal it is. Because if you're not loved, you get kicked out of the gang and you don't make it, right? That's so interesting. Because especially what's going on with everything now, it's madness. Insane, yeah.

52:00And so these things, that's why it's super dangerous of what's happening in our world right now, right? Because it could be something as primal as a comment. And so subtle. And so subtle, and no one's even thinking about that stuff. Yeah, but it still comes down to this primal need as a human being to be wanted, to be loved and accepted, to be safe. Is there an age where these things are really kind of implanted so deeply? Or like, if can you, like, for example, like seven and under is when these things really become super impactful or? Yeah, I mean, those formative years, because as I said, it gets really subtle.

52:35I say these are the constraints with which we arrive, you know, which is just my take. People could argue the other way around, meaning that this dimension of planet Earth being human is we're here to reconcile and transcend these limitations. So it's not because mom said or dad said, I would assert those souls wanted to have the experience of whatever that feeling of being dismissed or not wanted is so that they could transcend it. But most people don't look at life that way. They just try and get rid of the pain. You know, that's why we have pick your poison, right? Like alcohol, food, sex, prescription drugs, street drugs, whatever it is.

53:09And so actually, for me, the opportunity that it is to be human is to go, oh, I'm a boundless, limitless, timeless soul incarnated into this three-dimensional meat suit with a narrative that is based in some sort of limitation. And the game is, can I break free from that? That's the game. That to me is the purpose of life, is to break free from the limitations with which we arrived. So for you, for example, and you had your mom die and you had your father die at such a young age, what was your story? Was that like, I'm alone? Yes, it's all up to me as well, similar to the woman I said from my mastermind in Holland.

53:46I'm alone and also a big story of loss. Anything that's of value to me is going to leave. So my very first girlfriend, I was like, I compensate. I was a good guy, but I was the perfect boyfriend. Right, you went overboard. But as a compensation, yeah, which eventually it's not going to work. She literally said, I feel suffocated by your love. Right. And I was like, what's the fucking problem? There's so much love. But then when I got it, which is my awakening to my own behaviors, holy shit, like, yeah, it wasn't real. It wasn't authentic. It was real, but it wasn't true. So then how did you course correct?

54:18Are you in a relation? I could see that mechanism then. So once you see, again, it's a lie. So these prisons are lies. That's a key part of this conversation. The I'm not enough isn't a truth. It's a lie. The I'm not loved is a lie. I'm not safe. They're all lies. So that's what I'm doing is I'm helping people see that. So for example, yeah, my live event last few days ago, this girl was wanting me to help her with her business. So just some random girl, she put her hand up. I said, who wants to chat? So I want you to help me with business. Okay, what's going on? And it turned out that when she was young, her dad said to her, you're going to turn out to be a loser, just like your mom and your sister.

54:57right and so she'd held on to that this is very articulate successful coach but i helped to point out that she can't actually help people because she's trying to perfect herself because she thinks she's a loser but you see if you hold on to a lie and then you're just trying to disprove it all she keeps reinforcing is the lie she said in front of everyone who's comical she said she just saved me 12 grand i was about to do this coaching program which is another attempt to trying to finally perfect herself so the lies so now she felt relief what was so powerful she came up to me at the end of the when everyone was breaking chairs and leaving, she came up and said, you're not going to believe this, show me her phone.

55:31She said, there's a client that I've been trying to get since June of last year, they texted me literally as you and I stopped talking. Really? Because now she was available. She was there's nothing she's not trying to perfect herself behind closed doors before she thinks she's ready for business. I said, one of the greatest qualities you can bring in your business is except because everyone who comes to you has got the feeling of that there's something wrong with them too. But you're the the authority here who's desperately trying to perfect yourself. Exactly. You're a disservice to the people and that's why your business is not working.

56:00She was just blown away. So you do all these live programs, basically. Yeah, live events. Yeah, yeah. Live events. So the mastermind is more, it's online, people from all around the world, three-month container. The live events are just fun where, you know, we're going to grow. People have asked me now to travel around the world and do them. They're just really fun. They are. I love this. Can you basically do - Come, come to one. I went to the next one. March 20th. And do a lot of, like, where is it at, here? Yeah, we've outgrown the space. I come into LA for it, and there's 200 plus people. It's intimate, but it's a good size.

56:33But now, you know, we're looking at a bigger theater for 2 ,000 because we sell out within 24 hours. You do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. People are flying from all around the world. This time there's someone from Australia and all from the East Coast. And yeah, it's really flattering. And so do you spend the entire time, you say you give them some theory? Yeah, I talk a little bit about whatever, and then I just say who wants to chat. So this time it was a girl who wanted me to improve her business. There's another woman who's turning 50 in a week who doesn't have a relationship, but she wants love. And part of our story is, you know, she hasn't had many relationships.

57:05She's turning 50. So I hear all the data I need, right? So immediately I say, what's the significance of you telling me that you're about to turn 50? But there's a story about that as to why she can't have a relationship. So we undo all of that i want to hear it undo it i'm curious because i'm sure there are people who are listening who may be turning 50 or 40 and i feel like relationships is a biggie right yeah because i think i think it's harder and harder for people to meet people here yes not here just in life yes and with everything with like social apps social media now ai yeah there's so many people that i think loneliness has become a massive uh i think that's the real pandemic so i'm going to take something you said there because i think it will probably hit a chord with people.

57:46You said it's getting harder and harder for people to meet people. Yeah. Because they haven't met themselves. Is that, that's interesting. Do you get that? I do get that. See, it's harder for people to meet because the more you drift away from your authentic nature, the more of a facade you're carrying and the harder it is to sustain and therefore the harder it is to have intimacy into me see. So this is what, and people really want to watch it. I have a super affordable, my membership program is Freedom. It's 29 bucks a month and all my lives are in there. You pay more to go to the live than watching them free recorded.

58:17So if someone wants to watch that, and there's a 90 plus hours of other content on anxiety, relationships, freeing your mind, depression, a wisdom library, like, yeah, so all the lives get put in there because not everyone can come. So it was a powerful conversation. But she sat there just beaming in joy because she realized being 50 has got nothing to do with anything. The fact that she hasn't had many relationships got nothing to do with anything. And that she stepped into a whole world of possibility where I said, by the time you come here next month, you could have had probably five suitors come up to you if you want.

58:45So what was it if it wasn't the 50 and if it wasn't the fact that she's not she hasn't had a lot of relationships what was the reason why she was saying that in the first place? Because she had at a young age learned to self-soothe because her parents weren't available and so she'd become fiercely independent and what was so funny and people cracked up because for some reason when I do my lives I turn more into the comedian and so she says it's so funny she says I do heart-centered workshops. Are you serious? So I was thinking of pissed because of course I'm coming from a loving place. I'm like, I can just see that.

59:16Okay, everybody drop into their heart, you know, and like, this is all about love. And then I said, and then you leave and go back to your hotel room and cry by yourself. But that's what she did as a kid. So she's so scared to make herself so vulnerable, which again, that's why I get it. It's scary. I have compassion. But that's where people haven't met themselves to love themselves. Same with a girl who's trying to perfect herself before she thinks she's a good enough coach. Now I'm like, you'll be the best coach in the world if you could just accept yourself and tell people to get over themselves.

59:43That's all they want. Well, I totally agree. But this is why I said it earlier about the psychologist, right? Like, I find like a lot of times, like people are not comfortable of just being authentic. The word authentic is thrown around all the time. You know, like authenticity, all these things. It's like great hashtags. But the truth is nobody's really comfortable in just being who they are. Being completely honest. You know, like just being different because different is not, for whatever reason, it's not accepted. People think it's not accepted. Yes. But the truth is, I think the more different you are, the more actually you're more likable, not less likable.

1:00:19Because it's a magnet. Like you think about if you had this really beautiful gala, everyone's in their like black tie and it's all fancy schmancy and everyone's sipping on their champagne fruits or whatever. And you throw in a four-year-old kid who's running around and he's got shit all over his face. Yeah. Like it's adorable and people are drawn to that because it's freedom. That's why my product's called Freedom. You know, so for me, you know, if you want to took the world right now of like just insane amounts of mental health issues, the precursor of all of that is the absence of self-love.

1:00:46Because then I'm in dis-ease with myself. So then that's just going to spill out into the world. But I feel like also it's people just, besides self-soothing, everything is basically a distraction now. If people are, the mental health, as you were just saying, anxiety, depression, suicide, all of it is becoming worse and worse because social media, comparing yourself to some other life that doesn't even actually really exist. No. And people are using these all and they're becoming worse. And even though going on social media is why they're depressed, they can't seem to take themselves off because they need it as a distraction away from their own life.

1:01:32So it's fueling all of these mechanisms where fundamentally someone is just simply not at peace with themselves. So it's this exogenous form of looking for, searching for some reconciliation. if I find the right person, if I have enough money, when I get my body right, when I start my business, when I get the dream home, forget about it, then I'm going to be awesome. But no, because you're awesome now. You're awesome now. Everybody is. Literally everyone right now, I'd say everyone is a masterpiece and a work in progress. At the same time. Yes. So can you be completely at peace where you are, no matter the size waste you have, or whatever it is you're going through, even as a sickness, with whatever your bank account says, however dysfunctional or great relationship, can you find peace with what is?

1:02:14That's the only way you can move forward to something that you might have as an aspiration, simply for the pure exploration of what life is. I mean, I'm going to actually listen to this podcast myself to make sure I understand, so I can like, you know, get like the whole thing. So when you, I just want to go back to you for a second. Because when you did that movie Heal, the documentary, so what was that, what were you considered? What kind of expert were you in that? That was the mind architect, but I spoke to, so part of my background is in Ayurveda, which is a healing arm of yoga. So like Chinese medicine, which itself is fascinating.

1:02:48Fascinating. I use that for, like, I'm still here in a three-dimensional meat suit. You know, there's still things that I do to take care of myself. Yeah. Just, but internally, my terrain. A meat suit, did you call it? Yeah. Three-dimensional meat suit. People become misidentified. Like they say, I am a certain weight. I am a certain height. No, you're not. Because you're the you that It has been consistent even when you were like three foot as a kid and whatever weight you had or lost, right? If anything can change, then that's not the real you, right? So that's an access point to realizing, oh, I've become misidentified with form and then even the subtler form, which is the thoughts in your head.

1:03:22So that's where I'm helping people to disassociate from, to become free from. Like a radio station in your head, just 24-7, usually nonsense, right? But most people believe it. and if you can start to create a bit of space from that like um you know the i forgot who it was aristotle or someone said it's the mark of an intelligent mind that can entertain a thought without believing it right so you can have the thoughts of like i'm an idiot i don't know am i like you know versus just saying like a declaration of fact yeah yeah yeah so that's what i'm helping people understand is the power of the words that become the they create the reality in the confines you live within.

1:03:58So then they have to stop acting, they have to stop doing certain behaviors and saying certain things to themselves. They don't have to, but that would happen. Ideally, it would happen automatically when you realize that what's been driving your behavior isn't a truth, right? So it's, again, I say I dissolve problems. Solution-based world that we live in is like, okay, you have anxiety. Well, this is what you have to do, right? You go and see an expert. Typically, they traffic in the world of behavior, right? Don't do this. Don't do that. But I don't. I'm not interested. Behavior is a byproduct of your feelings and then your thoughts and then underneath your thoughts, subconscious.

1:04:30So changing behavior, it might work for a while, but if you're human, you know how hard that is to freaking sustain. Yeah. Because you're being driven by deeper code that has you think the thoughts you have, feel the way you feel and then make choices to act. Yeah. So unless you undo that deeper code, which is what I'm talking about, then you're going to, if you have willpower, you'll keep up the new behaviors for a while. If you don't, you say, fucking go back to the cigarette and that therapist was a piece of shit anyway you'll come up with a justification 100 and that's why willpower is that never works anyway it's a muscle that will get tired especially as you get older because you're not going to have the same sort of level of you know like tenacity or cavalier attitude of fuck you or you know eventually your dad's gonna die and now you've got no one else to make wrong it's like exactly until you feel flat on your face again so that's why i want to be informed by love and freedom versus like love and limitation fear and limitation do you believe in like that i said earlier like like hypnosis or breathwork or any type of like, how about like psychedelics to get you into that place in your head?

1:05:32I think they all have a place and people, whatever journey they're on and wherever they're at and the people they draw into their life, it might be appropriate. You know, I think things like breathwork, I think psychedelics help because that's going to get deeper, right? Breathwork can be transformative. You can have a powerful moment, you know, especially if you're doing deep helotropic breathing. It's hard. It is hard. but a lot of people go into the crepitus and they have these epiphanies and that's great but oftentimes anything that we're doing is it's too late right what i'm interested in just my own modality is revealing these deep subconscious constraints for what they are which is lies when you see it for what it is a lie then you're never going to be the same person as an analogy right for 2 000 years we have said the world is a globe and i guess still people arguing that it's not, which is fine.

1:06:19That's a whole different conversation. But let's just go with it. We're on a sphere, right? But prior to that, prior to Galileo, I think he decided, or he saw that it's a sphere, everyone thought it was flat. So that is the prison, right? The flat, because it's a lie. But in that prison, it's appropriate for what? The fear of falling off the edge. Do you see that fear is commensurate with the perspective. So you could say, okay, well, what's your gadget for stopping people falling off? That's a solution, right? If I was Elon Musk back in the day, and I had a laser bracelet that would detect how far the horizon was, I'd be a multi-billionaire.

1:06:51Yeah, no kidding. But it would all be within a lie, because now I've worked with MBA guys, so whoever, like, I tell an MBA, try and fall off the planet. Like, you know, they jump high. Give it four seconds, they're right back. So that you start to realize, so then when you reveal the lie, the previous fear associated with it disappears. Do you see? So does that, as an analogy, help you understand? So if someone thinks they're not enough. And as a byproduct of that, they had Hashimoto's, which is down the line of them trying to be a perfectionist and working too hard. And I could say, well, what you need to do is some breath work, meditation as a solution, but they're still being driven by the deeper code that they're not enough.

1:07:30Once they see that for what it is, oh, my dad said da-da-da, my sister and my brother was the athlete or whatever the justification was. So does that mean like truly you're not enough? No, it's made up. Holy shit. If I'm not enough, what becomes, then I say in the absence of that constraint, like literally stepping out of prison, how would you feel? What would become available? Oh my God, that's when the shoulders drop. I'd do anything. That's a new world. Then I don't need to tell them what to do. They start to look through new eyes, which will generate different behavior. Do you see that? Yeah, I do understand.

1:08:04It's like going to a different planet, like Wakanda or whatever it was in Black Panther. So you go through a portal. In this case, the portal is dissolving your constraint. you suddenly enter this world of pure love and freedom and possibility you don't know how to navigate it like the girl from holland which is cool she's like i don't even know what to do here i'm like no i know that's what i say to people even in my mastermind i'm introducing you to a world with which you're not familiar yeah but at least you're out of fucking hell yeah exactly now we can start to explore who could you be if you're not trying to disprove some feeling of inadequacy who could you be if you're not always worried about whether you're going to make it or be safe oh fuck I don't know I'd you know I'd be so free I'd start my business I'd take better care of myself I'd probably sleep like a baby and you know there's all these different experiences that now become available in this new dimension so in this new in this new dimension but how many of the people that you work with fall back into old patterns old routines for sure I mean I don't keep track of the thousands of people but you know for people who are committed to my work most of them for sure are going to have glimpses you know myself included I'm at the bow of the boat of this whole work, at least in my way of sharing and teaching it.

1:09:10So I can still, you know, have, you know, an old feeling of whatever it is, very short live now. But yeah, it takes practice. And also it takes community. It takes environment, right? Community is a big one. Because if you're in a world where you're constantly being reminded of everybody's shortcomings, or you even hear your friends complaining about their marriages and their kids or their business, you're in the mire of like derogatory negative comments, right? versus in part of my freedom membership, there's a community where people support each other with the same kind of conversation. So that itself can be uplifting.

1:09:45So yes, you need practice, you need time, you need support, you need reinforcement. And there's many layers to it. So even if somebody in my mastermind, like this woman realizes it's all up to her and now realize it's not, it's just not up to her. Like, okay, maybe the predominant onus is on her, but as a choice, not like a have to, It's a very different energy. She gets to be a mom. She loves to be a mom. Do you see the difference between it's all up to me and I have to do it? That's creating suffering and resistance. So it's a choice. And when you introduce choice, you now have freedom. Okay, I have a friend, my God, a couple weeks ago, I was out for dinner and I'm like, I gotta go.

1:10:26I have to put my kids to bed. And he told me this whole big thing about how he has this spiritual advisor who said to him that he, and then he relates to me, he's like, oh no. Jennifer, you can't say you have to put your kids to bed. You have to say, I get to put my kids together. I get, I'm like, so like this language, I find like it's, it all sounds dandy and fine, but it's, it feels very contrived and weird. It can do. Yes. Right. So I'm like, okay, well, I got to leave because I get to put my children to bed or whatever. Yeah. It's, it's like a whole different language you have or like language that you have to learn.

1:11:04It is. And if it's, done that way where his spiritual counselor is telling him to then it's just another thing for him to do which is only going to create more pressure well if he's living he's embodying it but when he says it to me it feels very like yeah it's instructional so there's a difference between instruction and inspiration you know if he's saying oh wait no you have to do you have to say well it's still i have to it's still the same energy and also now all i do is just laugh like mock him yeah i'm like i yeah every time he calls me i'm like oh i get to you know i get to like do the chores I have to do.

1:11:36I can't wait to do the dishes. Yeah, I get to do the dishes. Again, you want to be careful that it doesn't become too fastidious in terms of we're human, right? We're all doing the best we can. And that's where I think we can make space for a bit of comedy, a bit of compassion of like, these are good things to understand so that you can have a deeper reference point of like, oh, okay, yeah, at times my kids have been a pain in my ass and I'm just going to put them to timeout or bed. You know, you're human, you're a mom, you're doing the best you can right if you can at least revert back to at some point in your evening or the next day i go okay that was an emotional reaction totally appropriate as a human i don't want to live from there because it's tiring i also don't want to be that person for my kids and maybe there's an opportunity for a conversation where they can garner a bit more responsibility about the way they behave you know you want to just come back to it otherwise it's accumulative over time i know i guess like you don't know me at all i know i understand that But like I laugh about a lot of people who, and maybe that you're going to say because I'm overly critical perhaps, but about manifestation.

1:12:38Like I'm manifesting this. Yeah, the spiritual world of woo-woo. Yeah, like woo-woo. Yeah, and I'm like the anti-woo. Yes, you're super practical. I'm super practical. Yeah, same. I'm a Virgo. I'm a Virgo too. When's your birthday? September 10th. September 16th. Okay. So yeah, I'm a Virgo. And I like things that are like, you know, practical. Yeah. Like, I'm not going to, like, just think myself into getting what I want, you know? I'm going to chase what I want. Yes. And then, so then the manifestation people, like, you don't chase. You wait. You hold space. Then it comes to you. So for me, it's always both.

1:13:14Okay. So how does it? So it's no either or. Like, the brain thinks in terms of duality. Good, bad, right, wrong. You know, and that's why people tend to go, well, if a relationship doesn't work, it's like, fuck it. You know, it's like everything tends to be a bit too reactionary. And what about if it could just be both? recognize that we're frequency-based beings, you know, and that our energy does have like that girl who's talking to me in a live, her phone's off. She turns her phone off at the end, sees what time we finish, and woo-woo, you know, hey, presto, abracadabra, this fucking client who she's been trying to get for seven months shows up.

1:13:46There's something in that. Yes, and I believe in that. Yeah. So she now energetically has stepped into a different iteration of herself that isn't in this world of there's something wrong with me and I have to constantly perfect myself. So the way I would phrase it, she became more available to life, which is where life then met her at a different vibration. Now, can she just sit around and go, oh, I'm at this new vibration? No, she has to reply to the person, say, great to hear from you. I'd love to work with you. And then whatever the next steps would be for this new type of person, she also has to be proactive in.

1:14:19Right, right. So you think it's a combination of both. My friend in college, he had a great expression because I started all of this philosophizing at a very young age. And he and I would sit under a tree and talk about consciousness. And it was fun as 18, 19-year-old punk kids. But he would say, you know, believe in Allah, but tie up your camels. That's right. So that to me kind of captures it, right? Like, you know, yeah, whether you call it God or Jesus or Muhammad or whoever or fucking Buddha, that's great. Have your dogmas. I'm not going to poo-poo you for it. And, you know, be as responsible you can be as a co-creator in life.

1:14:54Yes. So that's where the woman who's, okay, she's a single mom, but she has community and an ex and parents, you know, she's not fully alone, but she could also say, okay, maybe life will bring me some unexpected lover or a friend or a neighbor who loves kids in the next three or four weeks, you know, be open to the miracles too. A hundred percent. We tend to default to, it's all up to us. And for that reason, you know, fuck life and woe is me. You know, it's like, I think it's, we can make room for both. I think you can, but like, could you see very much, because I was actually very nervous, but I started this podcast by saying I was a little nervous because before I met you, because I thought you were going to be way more woo-woo, you know?

1:15:36No, no. But you're not so woo-woo. You're like, you seem to be like very much. Super down to earth. To me, you know, again, going back to the monikers at the beginning, a spiritual teacher, I'm actually more of a physicist, right? Yeah. But my physicist lens incorporates code, right? So I'm more of a tech guy also, but even with your mind, right? Because it's programming. So that's not woo-woo because if you're living in a world where you think that you're not enough, that's a physical piece of code. Yes, 100 % agree. So I could then attribute what people might think is woo-woo as to why do they keep attracting a partner who's emotionally unavailable or maybe even a little abusive.

1:16:14That's not woo-woo. They just need to move to a better city or something. Well, no, to me it's more, no, it makes sense energetically if the way they view themselves is less than, they're going to attract, woo-woo, people who will mirror that. So I'm, yeah, I'm not, I understand the whole world of vibration and quantum physics and all of that. But to me, it's very practical. It really is. It seems like miracles, like that that girl got this text or, you know, the other things that have transpired with the myriad of people that I've helped, like some woman had stage four endometriosis, gone a couple of months after the end of the mastermind.

1:16:48That's not woo-woo, that's freaking science but why and why is that because she let go let go of the in her world her needs don't matter because she grew up as a kid where her needs weren't met she wasn't given any attention right so especially as a woman then her system shutting down her needs don't matter whatever she wants is really irrelevant right so it manifests physically and she attracted boyfriends who would never pay her the time of day or were abusive and eventually it shows up physiologically physiologically yeah the mind and body connection is not so much a connection as it's a continuum yeah it's a continuum.

1:17:19I would agree with that for sure. Yeah. So if you're living in a state of stress, I mean, you talk to any like real, like far, like scientist, scientist who's like, no, no, unless there's actual evidence and, you know, a documented study, they're still going to say stress is the number one cause of death, right? Or disease. Yeah, stress for sure. Well, what's stress? It's the way you're relating to your environment, which is based on perception. Yeah. So if you can change the eyes with which you view the world, then you're going to change your physiological response to it. That's not woo woo, that's physics.

1:17:47That's physics. Hold on, I think I have another question. Just want to make sure before I hold on a minute because I don't want to. I mean, that's where Wayne Dyer had a great quote. He said, you know, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I love that. Yeah. Is it because they change or is it because I have a new view? It's because you have a new view. Physics talks about the observer effect. You know, the split, the electron test with the two split tests, you know, like whether it's a wave or it's particles, all of it. This is all physics. so if you're the observer in a particular environment you're going to see the way that you see and then you're going to you're going to therefore like impose your particular vantage point on a circumstance while someone else would have seen something completely different yet it's the same environment ramana mahashi one of the greatest spiritual teachers or in terms of legacy he would say people come to his ashram for satsang which is where they come and listen and ask questions and he'd sit there and do his best to answer and he said it's like people arrive with a palm full of gunpowder.

1:18:47Some people's gunpowder is completely submerged with water. And for some other people, it's damp. And for some other people, it's really bone dry. And he says, I'm saying the same thing to the whole group. But depending on their capacity to hear it will elicit the kind of response they have. The person who's got completely submerged might go, ah, it's kind of interesting. I didn't get much from it. They did, but they're not aware of it yet. The person with bone dry gunpowder has the biggest epiphany. Same thing, but depending on the readiness of someone's consciousness, you're going to interact with life at that level.

1:19:18I like that. It's so true. It is so true. Yeah. So that's the beauty of like, whether we call it karma or whatever this incarnation is about, that you're going to have to revisit the different arenas of life, those buckets we talked about. Why does a girl continue to attract a guy that's not emotionally available or was a bit abusive? She's the consistent theme. Maybe, just maybe, you know, she's got some story of like, she's not lovable or she's trash or and so she keeps attracting guys and circumstances to reflect that until she transcends that she goes to a different timeline because she's now viewing herself differently feeling differently and as a result life will present new circumstances right right right that's physics she changes the pattern herself because she's otherwise living it over and over again until you learn it for yourself yes and then most people live the other way around where they think i want to change my circumstances before i'll change right but you follow yourself wherever you go exactly right and that's called seeing is believing which i say is also called waiting seeing is believing is also called waiting yes i love your little you're like your wordsmithing or your analogies or your word stuff you do that all the time all the time because it helps people understand something that's kind of otherwise a little bit over their head like you said you've got to really focus when you're talking to me yeah because normally because it's not what i normally talk about right so and i have to just kind of like pay attention you know i can't just i can't just like interject with something because it's just cash this one in and just yeah i cannot cash this one i gotta be like well good i'm glad that you're on your a game i i have to be i mean it's a lot it's a lot yeah i because i know you um like i'm trying to think of some what do people ask you about like layman's people like me that what's the most common question that they would ask you i mean they run the gamut as you said usually in the arena of relationships something to do with you know i mean relationships health and wealth you know they're the big buckets right they're the real main three so what's the main give me one question in each that they ask the most um health tends to be specific to whatever someone's dealing with right so you know why have i created or why do i have this particular sickness and so i love to make the correlation for people between dis-ease and disease so disease being the physical manifestation over time of dis-ease, which is the absence of ease.

1:21:41Meaning if my system's not at peace, then just again, biologically, I'm going to be in the sympathetic part of my autonomic nervous system, meaning I'm in fight or flight because I'm not at ease. When we're at peace, we're in the parasympathetic, which is rest and digest and rejuvenate, right? So that's just physics again. But if the way I perceive my environment is I'm like, I'm scared or I'm like under stress, then my biology has to follow that. So then dis-ease, absence of ease. So just even understanding that cascade, regardless of what you're dealing with, can help people to be more responsible about, okay, in ways that I don't know how they have to manage it, whether they get out of a narcissistic, horrible relationship, or they leave a toxic job, or they just need to learn to take time and breathe and have a better sleep routine or meditate, just to imbibe ease more in your system and see what your body does.

1:22:27Totally. That's one. Relationships, again, are going to be the reflection of your relationship with yourself. So if you're in a place where you think you're not safe, then you're always going to see something your partner does as potentially threatening. If you think that you're not enough, you're always going to see something your partner does as a judgment of you. So it's all a mirror. The whole life and the dimension of time and space and people is all just a mirror. So again, that's the good news. It's the good news and the bad news because most people don't want to be that responsible. They're like, yeah, but I'd rather blame my husband.

1:22:56It's much easier. Yeah, exactly. Seems that, but in the long term, it's not because you're actually slowly killing yourself. That's what I thought was really funny. The Dutch girl, the woman, she said, holy shit, when she realized her mechanism for survival, which is it's all up to me, which is the white knuckling of I've got to take care of everything. She said, I realized the way that I'm surviving is actually what's killing me. Right. Is that always, though, the way it is? Everyone. But it was just beautiful that she could see it unprompted by me. You know, that's what happens when the lights go on in the back room.

1:23:24You're like, holy shit, I've been doing this since I was a kid. And so she thinks that she's doing something from a, you know, a smart place of like, well, it's all up to me. So I'm going to push through. But actually, that's a lie. And the mechanism she's using is what's actually her, her oncoming. Yeah, you know what's funny? That's a blind spot though, right? It is. Right? Because usually your best quality tends to also be your worst quality. Yes, they're two sides of the same coin. And that's why I said we can't be hard accountable for that which we're oblivious to. That's where compassion comes in, right?

1:23:55Because people can be very self-righteous when they see what's going on. And that doesn't help. It's about just being kind and realizing everyone's doing the best they can with the limits of their awareness. Yeah. So then for the wealth, for the other bucket to finish the answer to your question, And, you know, most people, I'll give one example. I was talking to someone I met briefly, and she's a single mom too. And she's like trying to, she said, I'm in a great place with my kids and my energy, and I feel really good with my health and her choices around food and da da da. And she said, now I'm ready to create abundance, which all sounds beautiful, you know, and that fits into the whole world of spirituality.

1:24:28And I said, well, therein lies your problem. She's like, what do you mean? I said, you don't create abundance. You reveal it. Abundance is. So what we want to do is actually, instead of trying to create it, we want to dissolve what is your illusion that you can't access it. Jeez, I mean, I'm telling you, I need a hard drink after I speak to you. I don't even drink. Does everybody say this to you? Like, who are you friends with? Like, who are your friends? Are your friends like you? Some of them are, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't, I mean, I'm on a show with you. I want to obviously give as much, you know, content that's valuable to your listeners.

1:25:00No, I think it's amazing. But I shoot the shit. I play golf and take a fuck around. You're like a regular, you talk about normal things too. Of course, of course. but also understand the mechanics of how life works. And so it's fun because then I get to create and make shit up and play in the world that is this rich tapestry called, you know, planet Earth. But do you have most of your friends that you hang out with, do they think you're at your level of consciousness? Maybe not in this regard, but they have their own levels of expertise. I have friends who are great musicians or great playwrights.

1:25:27And, you know, like everyone's got their own different qualities. Yeah, of course. I'm kind of teasing you. Yes, I get it and I appreciate the compliment. but I guess I have a unique ability to understand the power of language and to, you know, discern in a very precise way, you know, making things that are otherwise profound palatable for people. Yeah. Or not so palatable. Or not palatable. So you're not even, you can't even say create because that means that you're thinking that you don't have the, it's not there in the first place. Correct. So you're under the illusion that something's missing, right?

1:25:57Isn't it subtle? Yes. It's so subtle, but it's so profound. like often people say my stuff god it's so it's so simple but it's really not easy exactly well that's the thing like i'm thinking like okay what am i doing to my what am i doing in my life that's holding me back that i'm not even aware of yes yeah right yeah and you will be and that's okay you're human right and like where am i blind like i think that oh i'm so so i think oh my eq so great like oh but i know my blind spots but as i'm talking to you i'm like i I bet you there's so many things that I have no idea. I'm a total mess. A total mess.

1:26:32And I don't even know it. I was feeling great before Peter Crane. Exactly. I was super confident. You're awesome. No, I can tell. And I could guess, you know, you're in the same bucket of a lot of my clientele who are high-end performers. But there's usually just this unnecessary pressure, you know, the world of have to, like your friend will be perhaps not in that Reno. If I get to, I could see that you would perhaps, you know, take that with a pinch of salt. But, you know, the feeling of you have to, like, you know, you put a lot of pressure on yourself. And there might be just a little bit more room for Jennifer to have a bit more freedom, a bit more joy, not take life so seriously, you know, and to just have a bit more ease about you and allow life to contribute to you as much as I'm sure you contribute to others.

1:27:14Yeah, that's actually, I think a lot of people would probably fit into that bucket. I think you're right. Yeah. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. Yeah. And I'm guessing just because of who you are, the majority of your audience is probably women. They're probably very smart women. They're probably, as you said, high EQ. They're movements and shakers. They probably have families, but they also have businesses, whether they're really committed or it's a hobby, whatever. But they're dynamic women, right? Extraordinary women. and my typically in that realm what i see is where there's become a little bit of a an exaggeration of the masculine qualities of being a little bit too driven which can can start to infiltrate the relationship so maybe they've even attracted a man who perhaps isn't so much of a man and he's become an extension of their children you know in the way that they have to manage or take care of them so they maybe haven't made room for the softness of the feminine you know without getting into goddess language or any of that no but you're right i've done a thing on first of all just to kind of let you know, I have a 50-50 split, like a lot of my audience is men.

1:28:12Okay, cool. So that's the first thing. But I was going to say, I've done other people's podcasts, not on this podcast so much, where I talk about that, where I find that a lot of times if you're a strong woman or you're successful, it can bleed into masculine energy, which then is kind of like a turnoff if you're trying to attract a very alpha type of man. Yeah. And so it's a very delicate balance. It is. It's tough. Yeah. And I feel for both men and women because men, oftentimes, the little boy syndrome that's out there, they're trying to do the best they can to compensate, which is really not being a man at all.

1:28:51Being more of a man is like, yeah, I struggle in this arena and just owning it, right? But I think that a lot of women are single who are very successful because unfortunately, they're either too much in that masculine energy, but they don't see that, right? And then they put on this facade like, oh, I don't need a man or I don't want a man. And that becomes their playbook, that becomes their talk, right? And the guy that they actually want, want a girl who's more feminine. And so it becomes this very, very difficult dance that happens. Yeah, no, I see it. And there's no simple answer, right? It comes back to choice.

1:29:33For a woman who's driven, who's intelligent, who sees the world of possibility, and this world has become so much more accessible for all of us, right? Whether it's travel or business or startups or investments, you know, it's like it's fun to be able to. But it's how can you maintain that sense of enthusiasm and drive while simultaneously embodying the softness, the approachability, and the nurturance of a woman, right? Yeah, yeah. And I'm not saying that's easy. Equally for men who can now also be more sensitive. Like I make my own skincare products. like i make a sugar scrub like i love who does i do you do yeah so i because i like to take care of myself right but i'm also like i like to be a fucking man's man and i want to be with a woman who's not you know trying to outperform me or something you know it's like but like to me that's like that i think that's what happens unfortunately yeah you know it becomes competitive yeah and that's again coming from fear it's coming from fear yeah and i ironically the means by which we're trying to garner attractivity, you know, becoming attractive to somebody is the obstacle to it, right?

1:30:34So the woman oftentimes felt the need to become strong because she felt either inadequate or insecure, not safe. And so, okay, well, if I'm going to make it, I need to make sure I'm financially independent and all of these things. Nothing wrong with that method, but it makes you unavailable, right? Because now you've actually strengthened the independence as opposed to creating, you know, some sort of companionship or a partnership. Totally. And then the boy or the man, you know, who's now trying to disprove he's like weak or trying to become the alpha, trying to become strong, is really constantly reinforcing that he's not, which is equally unattractive to a woman.

1:31:10A hundred percent. That's why people who are like, for women anyway, you need to have a guy who's like super, like truly confident, who is truly like, it's like that they're not intimidated by you, that they're not like, they don't feel like you're emasculating them because of your whatever you have, you know, it's very difficult. It's a very delicate balance. Yeah. Interesting times. Yeah. So again, it comes down to awareness. It comes down to patience. It comes down to compassion with each other. Yeah. You know, like, hey, I've got this strong tendency to be driven and independent as a woman.

1:31:42And I know that's going to be both unattractive to you, but also maybe at times challenging. But some, I say there's like a lot of guys who actually like it. or like rather have a girl who's like that. But there is like a body of men who like that's what they're not. They don't need another dude. They don't need to like be dating another dude. Right? They want to have someone who has a softness. And I talk about this all the time with people like all the time because it's, I know I got to wrap this up here. That's okay. No, but I think it's where we can have more patience and compassion with ourselves and others that we're all doing the best we can with the limits of our awareness and just to be aware even of your tendencies and share those.

1:32:21That's a form of intimacy, right? To be able to say, hey, you know, I have this particular idiosyncrasy and I know that could be a turnoff, but I at least want to be open. And that softens it immediately once you can talk about it. I think so. I think once anything is out in the open, you become more vulnerable. That's attractive also, right? Yeah, it really is. I think so. Oh my God. Well, Peter, thank you for being here. I know you're moving away. I won't say where. Is it like a secret? Yes, it is. Okay, good. Well, I'm not gonna say where it is he's going to mars no i'm sorry um so i i really i do i appreciate you coming on this before you uh you leave town when do you leave uh within the next two weeks so pretty soon but i come back and forth i wasn't based here but i i still come in and out of la so i was up in the tahoe region as mentioned so now yeah but i come in and do my live events so if anyone wants to come to one of those they can find that on my website i want to come to one of them i want to see you in action i want to see you do these things yeah yeah it'll help put it into perspective 100 % it will.

1:33:16I would love that. Because then you experience it vicariously. A number of people who come up to see me often, they're like, oh my God, I could see myself in all three or four of the people you spoke to. And I can see that you're good at it because it comes naturally for you. I think it's a gift that obviously you have, right? You pick up on something and then you just kind of keep on going with it. And I'm sure you've done, I can imagine, you probably really helped a lot of people. Seems that way. It's certainly the people that come up to me or stop me on the streets or send messages. It's very, very flattering and humbling.

1:33:47So yeah, I'll keep at it. Yeah, please. I think you're onto something there. I think you're onto something. Removing, ending human suffering. Yeah, okay. I like that. And freedom, I love it all. Where can people find... Your Instagram is the best place to see you. Yeah, on social, Peter Krohn. And then my website, if they want to join Freedom or maybe a mastermind in the future, that's just PeterKrohn.com. Yeah. Wow, thank you, Peter. Thank you. A pleasure to be with you, fellow Virgo. Oh, yes, exactly. Pleasure is all mine. Thank you. Bye.