Episode 494: Adam Schafer: The Shocking Stat That Explains Why Most Trainers Stay Broke

0:01Hi, guys. It's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits & Hustle. Crush it. Hey, friends, you're listening to Fitness Friday on the Habits and Hustle podcast, where myself and my friends share quick and very actionable advice for you becoming your healthiest self. So stay tuned and let me know how you leveled up.

0:34has become my favorite biohacking thing for healing my body. It's a portable red light panel that I simply cannot live without. I literally bring it with me everywhere I go. And I personally use their red light therapy to help reduce inflammations in places in my body where honestly, I have pain. You can use it on a sore back, stomach cramps, shoulder, ankle. Red light therapy is my go-to. Plus, it also has amazing anti-aging benefits. including reducing signs of fine lines and wrinkles on your face, which I also use it for. I personally use Therisage Trilite everywhere and all the time. It's small, it's affordable, it's portable, and it's really effective.

1:21Head over to therisage.com right now and use code BEBOLD for 15 % off. This code will work site-wide. Again, head over to Therasage, T-H-E-R-A-S-A-G-E.com and use code BEBOLD for 15 % off any of their products.

1:50That is really tough. Really tough to date a male, I mean, any sex. If you have a husband, and you're a girl and you're a trainer, that's tough for the opposite to say. You've got to have a very confident partner that is okay with that. I don't know if people know the stats on this, but like 70-something percent of trainers sleep with their clients. So it's a very like - 70 %? 70%. The only thing that's higher in infidelity is hospitals. So doctors and nurses sleep together more than trainers and clients do. That's number one and number two. So it's a really like - 70 % on both sides, men and girl trainers and their clients?

2:24Yes. And men. Who does it more? Men. Yeah, men with women. Yeah, men trainers with women. I bet you men and their older clients. Totally. That for sure happens all the time. All the time. All the time happens. And it happened a lot in my space. Now, I also attribute a lot of my success to resisting that. I had many clients. I knew I could have taken advantage of that situation, and they paid for training for me for probably years in hopes that I would one day, and I'm aware of that. But I also know that. So like I was, I was about my money. I was about business. And so I, which is why I got into math.

2:58And I used to teach that to trainers too, all the time. Like, listen, all of you guys, you're going to have an opportunity. And the difference between you being a decent, okay. Trainer and a very successful one is can you resist the temptation to sleep with your clients? Cause you're going to have, it's going to come your way and it's going to be tempting. Cause they're going to be good looking and successful and all the things. And you're going to want to, and in the back of your head, you're going to think, oh, this exception. It's like, and then that's the beginning of the end for you. You'll never be that successful if you do that.

3:21So anyway, I love that. Okay, why won't they ever be as successful? Because it takes you down this like weird path of like then you become that trainer. Yeah, you become, one, you open Pandora's box, right? Like you break the seal. You now, like once you do it once, you're gonna do it again. And then you've now become that person. Then you get a reputation around that. And then people know like, and you know what? The best paying type of clients know and they find out. And they're not, the ones that are really good, the best relationships, the best clients, like they're not looking for that. They're looking for someone who's intelligent, that's professional, that's going to help.

3:55And like, so yeah, you might get the little floozy who just came out of a divorce and she wants to, you know, take advantage of the young, good looking trainer. It's like, and have a great night, whatever. Like, okay. So you get that one, but you're going to miss out on a lot for that. And then you're also, your peers lose respect for you. And if like, in my case, I managed all my peers at one point we were all peers. I was a trainer. Then the next day, all of a sudden I'm their boss and they don't have to work for me. Imagine if I was a trainer who slept with all the ladies in the gym. And then now I'm your boss telling you what to do.

4:21It's like, I get no respect from my female trainers. I'm gonna get no, and most of my, even my male trainers may not give me respect because of who I am. So like, it'll kill your career. It really will kill your career if you do something like that. And so I'm always telling trainers that. So you have to rethink, you have to know all this, right? That I grew up in an environment like that. I grew up with, I mean, I had, I had girlfriends that would like show up to the gym to see who I was training and stand out in the parking lot, do crazy stuff because they were so jealous. Yeah, they were so jealous and insecure.

4:49And so I would date these girls. I'm like, I can't have a girl like this. Like, this is my passion. This is my career. I had no intentions of leaving this industry anytime soon. And so I knew that I needed a very confident woman that was not going to get, and that's how I am. I'm very much so that way. This is why Katrina and I are so great like this. Like, we both kind of have this similar philosophy of like, if you're going to cheat, you're going to cheat. Like, me being jealous about it and digging through your shit is not going to stop it or start it. It's like, if anything, and I've seen this, like I've seen, I've been pushed in that direction because I have such a jealous girl.

5:21I'm like, man, I'm fighting over something I haven't done. I'm having to defend myself. I may as well go do it. And so like, I have that attitude of like, I just, I'm going to trust my girl until she breaks my trust. Also, I got to say, it's like a huge turnoff when someone is that like insecure and jealous and they put that on you because I have the same, I have the same kind of mentality. Like there's nothing you can do about it anyway. If someone wants to cheat on you, they're going to find a way. you think you by going through their phone and their email and all this bullshit is going to make a difference like what and you catch them and then what yeah you know like okay and now it's and so what they're going to deny it not going to deny it like if you even put out that energy like i want to even circle back to something you said earlier but if you can give your kid any character trait it was going to be confidence right yeah and i again i'm not to say everything that you're saying i can just basically say me too or i i agree but to me confidence is the really the gateway for anything.

6:14Number one, if you're even like kind of good looking, but not really, if you're confident and you hold yourself in a certain way and you believe in yourself, you're a hundred times more attractive. If you believe in yourself and everything is a projection. And so the second that you show, like, and not just show in a fake way, but when you're genuinely a confident person and have a high self-esteem, because there's a difference. If you have a high self and think of yourself in a certain way in a belief system, what you give to the world is such a different sense of, of like a physical attractiveness, mental attractiveness.

6:47There's nothing that will ever surpass that trait, that quality. A hundred percent. Like 100%. There's something I always say. I say that, uh, cause in our space, motivation and hype is like a real popular thing. I say motivation is bullshit. Self-belief is everything. That's a hundred percent true. I believe that. I just, I, if you have the confidence, you believe in yourself, like everything else, everything else falls into place from there. You just got to believe that you, and you don't have to believe that you're good. You don't have to have like a delusion. You don't have to be delusional about it.

7:14Like I didn't have, none of us that started the podcast had any like delusion that we were good or we knew what we were doing or we're the best. Like, but we all had this self-belief that we're going to figure this out. Totally. And we will, and we'll keep trying until we do. And so, yeah, no, I'm, I'm a firm believer in, in self-belief and confidence. I think that leads to everything else. And I found that in a partner and taking it full circle from how you started this conversation, Like Katrina is every bit just like me in that. Like she is the same way. Like she just has that. She has so much confidence in herself that if I were to go out on her and do that, her attitude is just like, you're lost, buddy.

7:51By the way, I was just going to say that. You're lost. So the fact that she would even have that kind of self-confidence, self-esteem to me, you met somebody who is perfect. Yes. And the fact that you recognize that to be with someone like that will surpass any other type of kind of person. The fact that you had the, again, I hate to keep on saying the word self-awareness is so key because it's changing the trajectory of your entire life for the good. 100%. And the part that nobody told me about that I still today have this, like, it blows my mind. Katrina and I are on 13 years, going on 14 years now.

8:31It's been 13, 14 years. Oh, wow. Yeah, that we've been together. And this is no bullshit. I am more physically attracted to her today. We have better sex today. The love has just grown and grown and grown and grown and grown. It just keeps getting better and better and better and better. The older we get, the more time we spend together. I had no idea it would be like that. In my experience, every other girl I ever dated, during the honeymoon phase, the flame is going, the desire is going, the lust is going. And it's like, and that would always fade. It would always fade after six months or a year.

9:05And it didn't necessarily always go completely away, but it just wasn't there the same way. Her and I were the opposite. It was like, I don't even know if this is the girl for me or I'm really into her. And it's like, okay, I really like her. She started, now I like her more. Now I like, it's just grown and grown and grown and grown the longer we stay together. And the more things that we go through and we build and we do, and the more challenges that we have and that we see how each other handles it. Like, oh yeah, there's no way that I'm at where I'm at today if I didn't meet her 13 years ago.

9:31She's allowed me to be way, way, way better than I would ever have been for sure. That's amazing.

9:42I'm all about finding sustainable ways to optimize performance, the kind of work that actually moves the needle on how you feel and function. And that's why I really need to tell you about Prolon's five-day program. Most of us are chasing quick fixes that never get to the root of the problem, and the result is sluggish energy, brain fog, and bodies running below its full capacity. But Prolon changes that by triggering your body's natural repair and renewal process at the cellular level. It's not a cleanse or crash diet. Prolon is the only patented fasting-mimicking diet developed at USC's Longevity Institute.

10:25with soups and snacks and drinks that nourish your body while keeping you in a fasting state. The benefits are backed by science, deep cellular rejuvenation, fat-focused weight loss, no injections, and better metabolic health and energy, plus improved skin and even reduced biological age. And here's my favorite part. It's a complete reset in just five days. No willpower, battles, no extreme restrictions, just a structured plan to let your body do what it's designed to do, repair, renew, and optimize. And right now, Prolon is offering 30 % off site-wide, plus a$40 bonus gift. When you subscribe to their five-day program, go to prolonlife.com slash Jennifer Cohen and use Jennifer Cohen to claim your discount and bonus.

11:17That's prolonlife.com slash Jennifer Cohen and use code Jennifer Cohen.

11:29You know what I think? I have a lot of guy friends who are very, very successful, especially in this culture. We have like LA, New York, kind of big, you know, big city places who are good looking guys, super successful in their 40s, still have never settled down. Yeah. And they say in words, you know, I really want to meet somebody and have this blah, blah, blah life, you know, fill in the blanks. And yet they still can't get out of their own way and still dating 20 year old bimbos or 22 year old people who have nothing in common. They have nothing in real life in common. And when I meet these people like, yeah, it goes on three dates, six dates, and then they repeat the pattern over and over again.

12:08And these are people who are like, again, which is interesting, self-aware, really intelligent, very successful. You would think that they would have the wherewithal after doing this for 30 years, that they would stop the pattern and then be able to do what you did. Now, I guess this is my question. How do you, I don't even know if you can answer it. Like when you have the wherewithal and you're cognizant to know that the ones that you were dating were not the right ones and you wanted to have that life yeah the pushback i i what i get with people or when i talk about this is like you can't force yourself to be attracted to somebody that you're not attracted to yeah how do you like tell people or help people get out of their own way yeah yeah that's so they can actually find real find like real love and happiness in a real way not just frivolous and silly and be alone that's a really good question i have thought about it and i do think i have some thoughts around how that worked or what I did.

13:06Because like I said, when I first initially started to kind of date her or even date the two girls before, I wouldn't have thought I would be attracted to them. But if you've become self-aware that you're attracting the wrong person and you're at least at that stage, because that's obviously the first step. Because a lot of people are stuck. They don't even realize they're in this lust phase and they're attracted to all their insecurities. Right. So they're, they're attracted to it for all the wrong reasons to all the wrong people. And they still don't even realize it. Like that's a lot of people for a long time, sometimes their whole life.

13:36But if you at least got to the point where you realize like I'm broken, I attract broken people. This is bad for me. What do I do from here? Well, you have to build with those, those, the things that you want. Like I knew I wanted this queen. I knew I wanted this bad-ass confident chick who was this solid partner that was going to be a good wife and a good mother and it was going to be growth minded. Like, so I knew I wanted all those attributes. So then I stopped putting the other ones at the top. Like, Oh, she's got to be a 10 at this. And she has to look this way with this color eyes and hair.

14:08And like, that was, I was using that. That was still at the top. It was just like, wait a second. What if I flip that and all these other characteristics that are really truly important. What if I went after that first and then see what kind of girls fell into that category and then be open to at least dating. And listen, I, I dated a couple of girls that before her that I tried that and it just, it didn't work out, but it was a good learning experience for me that like, okay, I know that there's, I'm starting to notice that I care. I like these qualities. I like these qualities that I didn't have and all the other ones that I was dating where I was the daddy, right.

14:40And all the other ones. So I'm liking this like strong, confident woman that's independent, has her thing, her, her shit together. It doesn't necessarily need me, but I'm liking some of that, but then I'm starting to formulate what that looks like. So you have to at least be open to dating in a direction that you probably don't think that you would date in. And so it starts there. It starts with one, becoming aware, and then be open to looking at those traits. Listen, you don't have to go marry the person right away. Right. So just go on some dates and go have some conversations and see what happens and see if that sparks something else in you or at least makes you go, you know what?

15:14I'm going to go on another date. Let's see what happens on the next date. Can I interrupt for a second? This is what I think happens, though. you are lucky enough to catch it, catch yourself early enough where you can like pivot and change. What I think is happening a lot more and more now with what's happened with social media and all the apps and people aren't socializing and going out as much. And they're really using, you know, they're looking at social media, like they're looking at fitness influencers, looking at girls who are not even realistic. That's the first part. And they are now like past the point of no return turn where they've been doing their their pattern for so long yeah where now they can't even it's like hard it's too hard because you're you've been so used to you know doing things the way you've been doing it the people you you've been doing it with you can't even get your mind to change the neuroplasticity where you can be attracted physically yeah to something that's more appropriate for you because you that's now you're not wired that way because jen it's it's more because right now that's, it's a drug.

16:13When you have an insecurity, when you're broken and you're, you're attracting the wrong type of person from you, it's like getting ahead of a drug. Yeah. And so you have to want to change that. Just like somebody who was addicted to a drug who says, I know this habit is bad for me. I need to quit. It's going to be hard. And you're going to want to fall back in the behaviors because you have, you're addicted to those behaviors. You have to become aware that that's what that person is for you. For me, it was that I had had insecurities around being smart and successful and powerful. And so getting a woman that I could teach and lead and show her all the things that that fulfilled that like a drug.

16:51It gave me, so because the initial connection was awesome. It was like, yeah, you know, I felt so good. Like a man. Yes. All this, all this feeling of security and confidence and I'm the man would come rushing in and this is the right chick for me for sure. You think that is because just like you probably think when you're high, that this is great. This is so good for me, you know, because you're on the high. You're on the high. And then the come down and the hangover and the, oh my God, I feel so embarrassed because I'm this person again. Like that's all it is. It's so true. They don't want to break the addiction bad enough that they're willing to go through the pain of the withdrawals.

17:30And so you have to be willing to do that first. Yes. And by the way, just like a drug, the longer you are aware of this issue that you have in partnering up with people and the longer you've done that behavior and habit, the harder and the greater the withdrawal is going to be when you get out of it. If you've been doing that, like I had been doing that through a lot of different girls till I was 27, it was a hard pattern to break. And being completely honest and transparent, this was also one of the things I loved about Katrina was when we first started dating, she was patient for me to catch up on that.