Episode 536: How Working Out and Nutrition Build Confidence Faster Than Therapy and Affirmations

0:01Hi, guys. It's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits & Hustle. Crush it.

0:08Jennifer Cohen:Hello, everybody. Welcome to Habits & Hustle solo edition. And because I haven't mentioned it in many, many days or episodes, guys, if you can, please leave comments and what else? And subscribe on YouTube if you are watching. No, you can't start the solo that way. Wait, hold on. Yes, I am. We are joined. Hold on a second. We are joined by my most wonderful, what do you call yourself? Foil. Foil, exactly. My dear friend and sister, well, kind of like a sister, but not really genetically. What are you talking about? We're literally blood-related. Yeah, we're not blood-related, but almost. Shawnee, who's here to kind of join in on the fun on the solos again.

0:51Jennifer Cohen:And we are, well, by the way, so nice to have you back. Thank you. It's so nice to be back. It's so nice to have you back. We've missed you over here. I love what you've done with the place. Do you? Yes. I mean, do you really? We were at my kitchen table last time you were here. Do you know that? I know. Do you miss the kitchen table? I think the light is nice in there, but this is very nice. And you look so good. Oh, no. Stop it. I think you just want to have your job back and be in the foil. No, just look at her arms. Oh, my God. You're so nice. That's very kind of you. I work out, as you guys all know.

1:21Jennifer Cohen:But more than that, more than just working out, you know what it is? Really? More than anything, it's, well, besides working out, it's about what you eat. 99.9 % is what you eat. I talk about this all the time. I feel like when you, you can do, you can literally work out like a fiend 24 hours a day, but if you're not like watching what you put in your mouth, guess what happens? You gain weight. You gain weight. Like, but I find that if you work out a lot and you have less time to eat. No, when you work out too, there's a, see, I find there to be a very delicate balance between how much you work out and how intense you work out versus not work out.

1:57Jennifer Cohen:Because the more you work out, the hungrier you get. And the hungrier you get, the more calories you eat. And the more intense you work out, the hungrier you get. So you can't really work out, you can't work out so much to the point where you are just starving 23 hours a day. No, obviously not. But as in to say, like for me, there's just less time in the day for me to be snacking if I'm, you know, going to a Pilates class. For that one hour, maybe. But then you'll make up on the snacks on the way home. That's what I find. Or you'll eat three more snacks because you're ravenous. Like I get ravenous when I work out too much.

2:33Jennifer Cohen:So I've had to like pull back because this is what comes like, this is like the kind of the quandary I get into, which is for my mental health, I need to work out intensely. Like I need to like run and do hardcore like HIIT training or cardio. That's really what kind of helps me kind of get my mind right and my mood right. But then on the flip side, I'm then starving and then I end up eating weight more than I normally would. And therefore it becomes this whole like vicious cycle, right? Because I can't control, like I want more sugar. I want more. So I have to like, I have to like, I have to kind of discipline myself not to work out as intensely on that level, you know?

3:14I'm like a steady state snacker. Oh, steady state snacker.

3:19Jennifer Cohen:What does that even mean? So I just snack steadily throughout the day. But then if I am busy doing other things, I literally won't snack. Well, you got to keep yourself busy then all the time. That's what I do. See, I mean, it is good. Being busy does help cut the calories. No, it's really because genuinely, if you don't, I mean, it's good to allocate time to eat and like get your meals and stuff. But if you just don't have that much time to sit around like snack. When I have endless hours to be on the couch, if I'm on vacation, I'm chilling, I'm relaxing. I will inherently just eat so much more.

3:48Jennifer Cohen:See, I'm obsessed over food anyway. I compulsively think about it on the regular. People don't think I do, but I do. That's why I have everything that I've kind of created my day around. There's walls and boundaries. So that's why when you have set times to eat, that's why I eat my lunch, I eat my dinner, I eat my breakfast all around the same time each meal. and I exercise at a certain time because it helps monitor myself. It helps kind of keep me on point. You know, that's, I think it's really important. That's when I don't have that, I go like, I go crazy. I go hog wild, basically. I think it also helps your digestion more too.

4:30Like when I, I noticed when I eat regularly or at the same times consistently, it's better, but I just rarely do that.

4:36Jennifer Cohen:I know. Well, that's, I think, but that's the problem. I think when people are not on a regular schedule or they don't have like a particular regimen in anything in life, in their fitness, their work, wherever, that's when things can get off the rails, right? Like I think it's really important to have structure to get to kind of get to your goals, not just like fitness. You need to have a structure to kind of hit your goals in general. So for me, and also know what your triggers are and know where you're going to fall. Like I know if I don't get my mind right, that I'm not going to be as focused and I'm not going to work as hard.

5:10Jennifer Cohen:I won't be as efficient with other stuff during the day. And if I don't work out first thing, the chances of me eating badly during the day are way higher because I didn't set myself up for success. You do feel more encouraged to eat better after a workout. You're way more encouraged to eat better. I mean, you don't want to waste the workout. I realize I feed my dog more regularly than I feed myself. Why? For him, it's just at the set times. Okay, but this is a perfect example. Before we started here, you said to me, you gained, how much weight did you say you gained? Too much, you guys. Okay, how much?

5:43Jennifer Cohen:25 pounds, you said? I don't know, 20. Okay, and why do you think you gained that weight? But I've already lost like eight of it. Because you're doing what? Working out? Yeah, because I'm just doing what I know I need to be doing. I fell in love and then I just gained weight. But you know what's funny? It always happens. Is the last time I was here when we were doing solos, like during that era, I was also in the process of losing weight and I lost all that weight and I was looking so good. And then I fell in love and then I just, I can't help it. And then I moved to Vegas. Okay. So that's a really good point.

6:10Jennifer Cohen:Why is it? Nothing leads to another. Well, this is what happens. I think when people start, you know, when they get into a new relationship, a lot of times they gain weight. Yes. Why? Why? I think because you are happy and then maybe you are like social, like you socialize around food. Like you go for nice dinners, you eat lunch, you stay home. You do a lot more dine-in, takeout food, stuff like that, and you eat bigger portions, or you're eating the other person's food. You're eating your food, plus you're sharing more food. You're having more dessert. Whenever I'm in a happy relationship, I'm usually 15 to 20 pounds heavier.

6:46No, it really is true. I think for me, it's also like I'm dating a guy who is however much bigger than me, and he needs so many more thousands of calories every day. and he'll chug like 10 liters of milk and be fine. What adult drinks 10 ,000 liters of milk? He'll drink like one to three liters of goat milk a day. I'm not even kidding.

7:07Jennifer Cohen:And he'll also, he'll like, whenever he makes his eggs, he'll add in like lots of butter when he's cooking them. Like I can't eat like that. Yeah, you can't eat. I really can't. Apparently you can. I just absolutely cannot. So I do think there is that. And there is a sense of indulgence when you're in that sort of early stages of a relationship. You are, you're getting all the desserts and you're this. And guys don't, I don't find that they care the same way. So they're like, yeah, like just get it. But they don't know. Until you're 20 pounds heavier. And then they care. They don't care until it's too late.

7:37Jennifer Cohen:It's like, you know, that thing, it's like, it's like that 1 % daily until it's like, oh wow, look what happened. You know, like, but that is true. But it works also the opposite way. So it's 1 % daily in the positive. So it's just a matter of the slow progress, but I've gained and lost weight so many times. I'm very comfortable and confident in this space. Well, you know what I like? What's really refreshing in this conversation to me, to be honest, is we're not talking about losing weight on a GLP-1. No, I'm too scared. I'm telling you, you're the first person I've sat with probably in two years that's not on a GLP-1 thinking of taking a GLP-1 or, you know, was on one and like maybe just microdosing one right now.

8:17Right. Everyone's doing the microdosing. I mean, I think I thought about it, but I also, I've like, I'm just weird about things.

8:23Jennifer Cohen:Like, it's funny. Just taking something for this, like, just. Yeah. Yeah. I just, you know, I think I've just done this so many times that I'm really confident in losing weight in myself. I know what I need to do. I know that I can do it. Like, I don't feel like it's rocket science at all. It's not rocket science. And I just think also the GLP, I mean, does it do anything to the metabolism or it just kind of helps you not eat as much, right? It just, I think it makes you, keeps you full. Yeah. So I just need to keep myself full. I just have to keep my mind full. It doesn't make you, I think what it does also is it shuts the food noise.

8:54Jennifer Cohen:So if you're someone who has a lot of food noise, probably someone like me, I would probably benefit from the food noise because I do have a lot of food noise and I white knuckle it. So I white knuckle the food noise by keeping myself on a schedule. Like I was saying earlier, that white knuckle is hilarious. So I keep myself on a schedule where I don't like let myself get into a scenario where I'm just going to eat like a garbage can because I'm starving. I will portion out my food and I will eat multiple times a day and I will have things with big volume because I think volume is really helpful.

9:32Jennifer Cohen:If you're someone who has a lot of food noise and likes to eat, you need to eat big volume foods, like massive salads with your protein and things that are low calorie, but big volume. I used to be a massive popcorn person. Oh, I love popcorn. Oh, I love popcorn too. A little nutritional yeast on top. So delicious. Oh, I love that too. That's so good. So like, and I think if you add volume with a fat, like a really good olive oil, that's why the salads to me are like, like that to me is the best way to keep your weight down. Big, big, big volume salads, at least once a day, if not twice. Yeah.

10:09The relationship with weight, I think is so complicated for so many different people. But for me, I really came to a place in this world where it's just kind of like a matter of fact, like I am where I am and I know where I want to be. And like sometimes that fluctuates and I've gotten to where I want to be so many times. I've also been where I don't want to be so many times. And so I just think it's a matter of taking yourself where you're at and just trudging along. And I have a lot of food noise, too. But like, I think that there are, you know, some mental strengths I can summon to be able to quiet those before potentially, you know, putting in something that doesn't respond well with me.

10:42I'm so sensitive to stuff. And I'm also, I have so many problems, like I have breathing issues and I have like, like my, my, you know, my period always hurts and I've got all these like hormones. I'm like, I don't want to, you know, I just don't want to add to it.

10:53Jennifer Cohen:I will tell you one thing that will, well, people think that eating less and depriving themselves of eating is the answer to losing weight and to shutting down the food noise. It's like the opposite. I think it's the antithesis to getting to what you want to get in your goal. For me, I think feeding yourself, nourishing yourself is way, way more effective. Because I think when you're in deprivation, that's when you really kind of have that more of a compulsive thought of eating and food and when you're going to eat and how much you're going to eat. But if you actually feed yourself, you really do cut down on that food noise and that psychological angst that you have a little bit.

11:33Jennifer Cohen:That's how I think. like just kind of like limiting your calories to like under 800 for a grown ass woman. Yeah. There are people and men also like, they're like, yeah, I'm eating 1200 calories a day. I'm like, are you like, how do you sustain that? Because then your body also goes into starvation mode and then you get used to eating 1200 calories a day. And then what happens is if you have 1200 and one calories the next day, your body holds onto it and like stores it as fat. So if you actually just ate like a regular person. So if you're, you know, and no, seriously, if you ate like a proper amount of food and maybe a little bit more once in a while, it actually behooves you and it gets you way more results on the other side, on the flip side.

12:14Jennifer Cohen:Also, you got to feed muscle. I've always found that the shift like you're talking about and saying, what can I eat versus what can't I eat? You know, how do I nourish my body versus like, what am I supposed to stay away from? It's the negative versus the positive. It's just so much more encouraging. Like, what can I eat? A lot of things. Well, how much does it have? Also, like I'm obsessed with pizza and french fries, right? I don't want to eat them all the time because once, because I see it as this taboo food, once I do eat it, because if I deprive, and I've trained myself, once I deprive myself for so long and then I see a french fry, I will literally have nine orders of it.

12:48Jennifer Cohen:Like a crazy, like, yeah, like a disordered eating person because I'm just like, I'm just, I can't believe I'm having that taste in my mouth and I go crazy. But if now if I get like, no, okay, fine. Like I'm allowed to have French fries, you know, once every two, three weeks, then I'm much better in the portion control. Not a lot better, but at least like at least a little bit better. My boyfriend told me that pizza was a protein, like a health food when we first started dating because he just has weird. Who are you dating? For him, it can be a health food, right? But like it is not for me. He's like he's like a bodybuilder, kind of boxer type.

13:25and anything he consumes just turns into muscle.

13:28Jennifer Cohen:It's like, I'm not like that. I'm not built like that. Your boyfriend is a bodybuilder. Ex-bodybuilder, former bodybuilder. Okay, but he's chugging, you know, liters of goat milk and pizza, like tons of pizza. He swears by goat milk. He's not having tons of pizza, but he loves pizza and he acts like pizza is like a healthy like meal. Well, maybe it's because, maybe he's not eating Domino's pizza. No, it's like good quality pizza, but still it's not like a health food. I refuse to. Pizza is not a health food. He also told me like really good quality vanilla ice cream is a health food, which I just refuse to believe.

13:59So you can understand why he gained so much weight. Yeah, I don't blame you. I'd be a house if I lived with that guy. Honest to God, I'd be a house if I lived with that guy. So then where were we going with this at the beginning of the podcast? Well, I think the idea was talking about like the... We don't know. What were we saying? You know, it's a good question. We were going to talk about a different topic, but I think what we did end up doing is talking about the topic, which is that the gym and getting healthy and nourishing yourself and your body is actually light years better at improving your confidence than therapy ever will.

14:34Jennifer Cohen:No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not the actual topic we were going to talk about is what I believe. Okay. This is where the topic I was going to say is that what I believe fitness is a way bigger builder of confidence than therapy or affirmations. That was the topic. That's the hook point. The topic is also what I said. But that is the topic because I feel that fitness is the gateway drug to building self-esteem, self-confidence, self-assurance. There's no better thing that you can do for yourself than working out for those things. Amen. Right? Amen. I think you can talk all you want all day and you can ruminate about all the things you want to be and what you're not getting and who you are and what you want to be and da-da-da-da.

15:19Jennifer Cohen:God bless you if you're someone who loves therapy, but I think if you really want to really build on your self-esteem and confidence, include and or rely on getting yourself fit and getting a fitness regimen, a workout regimen, that will get you to the finish line. That will get you way more confidence, way more self-assurance, self-efficacy. Because you know what? Confidence is built, I think confidence is built in reps, hard reps, day after day and consistency than just saying how great you think you are in the mirror. Do you know why? Why? Because confidence can't just be affirmed. It has to be earned.

16:01Jennifer Cohen:And the only way to earn it is to prove it to yourself that you can do hard things. I love that. Confidence is earned. Yeah, confidence is earned. People, you can say to yourself a million times in the mirror, I'm great, I'm strong, I'm wonderful, I'm wonderful a hundred times, but your brain knows what you believe is not. Like you basically, you can't lie to yourself. So if you actually don't believe those things, your brain knows that you don't believe it. And so that can actually cause you to be more self-conscious, have less of a self-esteem, be more depressed because you can't lie to yourself.

16:39Jennifer Cohen:Like if you actually believe it and then you say it, that's a whole different story. But you can't just like speak your way into saying something that you don't believe is true. But I think the idea is that you give yourself a boost, like you're hyping yourself up to be those things. And then when you take those actions to be those things, which is what you're talking about, it builds like real confidence. But the kind of - If it's not - The talking stage is important. If there's no action behind it, that's bullshit. Of course, but some people can't just take action. They have to hype themselves up.

17:09Jennifer Cohen:You can go in front of a mirror and say, I'm great. I'm beautiful. I'm strong. I'm this. I'm that. And then go back on your sofa and do nothing. It does nothing for you. But then you walk into a meeting and you crush. No, because you haven't proven anything to yourself. No, because you're hyping yourself up. Positive self-talk is a good thing. Positive self-talk. We're not talking about positive self-talk. That's true. I'm all about like hyping yourself up. Like if you want to like before a meeting, you know, go before a meeting, like say all these great positive things to yourself and then go into a meeting.

17:41Jennifer Cohen:That's fine. But before you go into that meeting and before you'd say all those things, what have you done to prove to yourself that you are strong, that you are tough, that you are beautiful, whether you are all these things? You have to do a litany of things and habits to show yourself that you are taking care of yourself, that you do matter, that you do have self-esteem? Like, what are those things? Of course. But I'm just saying some people need to talk to themselves to be able to do those things. And what I'm saying is talking is not enough. Talking is not going to get you to your finish line.

18:11Jennifer Cohen:You're not understanding what I'm saying. I'm saying talking sometimes gets people to the starting line. Sometimes people can't even get to the starting point. For you, it's easier to take action because you're an action person. You're a queen bold. Are you kidding me? But for some people, they can't even get to the room or the conversation or to the gym. They have to tell themselves like, no, you're okay. You're strong. You're not horrible. You're not that weak. Like you're fine. You can do this. You can get to the gym. And then they get to the gym. Then they take that action and then they build that real confidence.

18:34Jennifer Cohen:But I understand what you're saying, but that's what you're saying is different than what I'm saying. What I'm saying is affirmations alone don't get you to where you want to go. Therapy alone is not going to get you there. And I'm also saying that I believe if you just focus on working out, taking care of your body physically, your brain will catch up. Right. As in working out alone will actually do those things versus affirmations alone or therapy alone. Right. Yeah. And I actually really agree with that. That's what I'm saying. Wholeheartedly. I'm not saying, you know, positive self-talk is lousy or it doesn't work.

19:16Jennifer Cohen:I think it works in addition to, it's like also this manifestation thing. You can't just sit there and say, I want to have a million dollars and I want to find my dream man and I want to have a red Corvette or whatever that thing is. I'm really about what the steps are to get you to that point. And I think that we are talking more. I see it a little bit more about like the action behind the manifestation vision board. But at the same time, again, at the end of the day, it is about the action and it's about the steps. So, you know, without that, this is all moot, you know? And I also believe that, like I said, the fitness part is, I believe, will transform who you believe you are and what you're capable of on every level of your life more than anything else you can possibly do for yourself by a landslide.

20:12Jennifer Cohen:It will shape shift or shift your belief in yourself, your sense of self-worth, what you think you're capable of, your relationships personally, who you go after as a mate, how you parent, all of it. If you actually see yourself transforming in that way, like physically, it will change how you are in the world mentally, mentally, emotionally, behaviorally, and all the things. And her credentials are her arms. Oh. She knows what she's talking about. No, that just means that I can do a bicep curl really well. And no, but anyways, I hear you and I agree. I think it's really powerful. So go work out, everyone.