Episode 538: High Performing Women and Why They Lose Attraction in Relationships When They Lead

0:00Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it. I have to talk about something that I saw that I was so excited to bring up on this podcast. I saw this video where this woman was saying that women need men that are better than them, who are smarter than them, more successful than them, fitter than them, more inspiring than them, more of everything. And the reason is because that's what we would naturally be attracted to. I got to tell you something. I actually totally agree with her 100%. I believe a guy has to be alpha, double alpha, or else I will eat him for breakfast.

0:45And that's just the way it's going to be. And when I was watching this, I thought to myself, wow, this is probably one of the most controversial videos, or it probably would be a really controversial video because of the time we're living in. Wait, really? I think so. Because it kind of feels like it's like how people thought 50 years ago or 100 years ago. But I think that we're living in a time that we're unable to say what we act like, we say things that we don't actually really believe in our heads, or that's actually really human nature. But the truth of the matter is, it's 100 % true. Like I do want a guy who is better than me, who is smarter, fitter, faster, stronger, taller, more inspiring, more successful, richer.

1:36I mean, all the things, right? Like I don't want to be the one that is superior because it's hard for me to like be attracted to someone who I feel I'm more dominating in some way to them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I totally get that. I mean, especially I think like the stronger, I could never imagine being with a guy that's literally weaker than me. I can only bench press 75 pounds. Like if you can't do that, that's just craziness. Okay, I think the exercise thing aside, I think it's overall. And I think that if people say otherwise, they're like, they're lying to themselves. It's bullshit.

2:11Like what girl wants to be with a guy who is - Who's weaker. less successful, less inspiring, who is like all the things, you know, like who is less fit. I mean, I don't know. I think we are as we're like, we're animals. And as animals, we are animalistic and have needs. And we are automatically drawn to like a stronger, like a woman is drawn to a stronger or sex. It's just how it is. When I'm with a guy, or not now, I guess, but when I used to be, I guess. Back when you were dating? Back in my dating life. No, I remember like, even now, like what am I even talking about? Like in real life now, even like I find like so many men aren't even men.

2:57It's like actually kind of like sad and pathetic. Like the pool of people that I see some of my friends having to deal with, I'm like, oh my God, that is so unattractive. They're like weak. I mean, it's just like they're weak and they're just like not manly. They don't take any initiative. They don't take any control. Like, I guess I am like an more of an alpha girl, right? So especially if you're an alpha girl, you need a guy who's double alpha or at least alpha. And so that's just, and even if you're not an alpha girl, even girls who are beta or kappa or whatever you want to call it. Delta gamma.

3:34Like, I don't know any girl. I don't know any girl, any woman, any female who is attracted to someone who they can walk all over and who is like, who has no spine and all that. Like, they may decide and choose to be with them because it's easier. Right, right. Right? And it's the path of least resistance. And they do it because they can. but don't lie to yourself or lie to me and say like you're hot for that person because there's no freaking way you are period that's my opinion now you can tell me yours no i mean i think i agree for the most part i i obviously there's like nuance to every situation but i just could never imagine i think the only category in which i could see myself giving a little like leewayness would be in the sort of financial success category just because i want to be a billionaire now i I cannot only dream of dating.

4:29Why? For example, so here, let me give you an example. You're focusing on like the outcome and not doing something that can make you that way by doing the work to get there. That's not all we're talking about. I'm talking about dating guys. No, you're saying I want to be X. Right. But also have realistic expectations. Okay, but hold on. Let me finish my sentence. That's absolutely not even the point of what I'm trying to say at all. Okay, okay, fine. I'm saying I consider myself as someone who's aspiring for crazy aspirations when it comes to success financially and also in career, right? Now, if my guy that I'm dating doesn't want to be a billionaire, but they want to be a millionaire, for example, and they are moving towards that direction, they're motivated, they're inspired, they're constantly working, they're an entrepreneur, they have that grit to them where they're successful, and they don't make me feel like I'm the wealthier one in the relationship.

5:13They still pay for things. They still support me. They still make me feel like the woman. Then I'm okay with that. But I don't necessarily— Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, 100%. I agree with that. I think that's the only area where there's—I just said that there's nuance. I'm not disagreeing with you. I agree with everything you said. I just said that there's nuance and I'm just adding to the layer. I actually agree with that. I think I'm riffing here. I think that it's not about the money. It's more about like the errs, like smarter, fitter, you know, stronger, you know, whatever it is. I just think that a lot of times when you are a successful woman and have a lot of those things going for you because you are fit and you are smart and you are successful.

5:56You know, the pools of men get smaller and smaller to pick from because there's a piece of it that's like a lot of guys are intimidated by that or the woman gives off too much alpha male energy where it's not even a turn on for the guy. So there's, okay, that component becomes very difficult. So what I really feel is that when a guy is all those things more than the girl, it quiets down that girl's alpha energy. 100%. That's what happens. The girl's alpha energy comes out more when she's around a guy that doesn't have it and can't bring it. 100%. Right? So like… It brings out their masculine. Right.

6:45So when I have a guy around me who's like way more masculine and super, like super alpha, I automatically just, but not on purpose, subconsciously, I end up not cowering like, like a weak bird. No, but you do get like a little like cuter, you know, you do just, you feel more feminine. Like I feel more feminine. I feel more of a girl. I feel much more like a little girl. Yeah. And every girl wants to feel like a little girl. They don't want to feel like they're like taking over. And I guess the girls who do feel that way, well, then all the power to you, you know, God bless you. But the majority of us, the majority of women who are just like doing well and strong and smart and fit and blah, blah, blah, we want the guy to be way better or we will eat you for breakfast and snack.

7:32So that's just how it works. But I really wish that guys understood that concept. Because I feel like if they did, they would understand that when they're presented with a woman who's maybe a little bit more masculine, if that guy were to just assert themselves more, that would allow the woman to be able to enter her femininity more. And I think guys don't understand that dynamic as much. And so they immediately think, oh, well, she's just a masculine, more intense female. And then they think to themselves, oh, well, she's got this. I guess I don't have to be like, I can just be a bit more beta.

8:01But I think if they understood that a lot of those really intense women who are power, you know, just powerhouses who are working, who are crushing it, they actually can be really feminine females within their relationship dynamics. They just need to be given that shot and they need to be with someone who can present that more masculine kind of vibe. Right. But the guy has to have enough real inner confidence to even like do that, to actually show that and be that as opposed to going the opposite. it like listen I'm not gonna lie to you there's a lot of women I meet who are like super like have like have a who are successful who have like a really a really strong male energy and it is a turn off right but I'm saying for the majority for the most of us like people who are not like in the 0.1 percentile of like super super successful crazy powerhouses I'm saying I'm saying the majority of people, majority of women who are whoever and on the scale of whatever, that what we need, we are looking for someone who is better than us.

9:05We need men who are better than us. Like I said, smarter than us, fitter than us, all of the errs of us, you know? And it's just what we naturally will gravitate to. And like, again, you can't fake that stuff. Either you have it or you don't. Right. So this is not about like people like being, you know, kind of like pounding their chest and pretending. It's the ones who actually are those things. Yeah. So, you know, that's really how I feel. It's interesting. You know, the joke about how women can never decide where they want to eat. Yeah, that's me. Yeah. So what's so funny about that scenario is that I just think the joke could be non-existent if guys understood that sometimes we just don't want to have to decide things.

9:49We're constantly faced with a ton of decisions. And in some scenarios, I think like, just handle it. Just handle it. Like, you know what I like, we've been out to eat many times before, you know what my vibe is, just fucking pick something and let's go. So that's a great point. And that's what I guess that's really at the end of the day, what I was even getting to because I just want someone to like handle shit. If I'm handling all this shit all the time, I want someone else to be like, you know, I got this. I don't have to handle stuff. And trust me, that like changes the entire dynamic of the relationship.

10:19If I don't have to like take control, trust me, I don't want to take control. Like I'm taking control in enough areas of my life. I don't want to be taking control in every single area. And if someone can like alleviate some of that for me, oh my God, it is the biggest turn on in my, like for me. I love that shit. Yeah, me too. So that's all. Let me know what you think. Leave me a comment. And for someone who thinks that I'm out of my mind, crazy or whatever, let me know that too, because I like to hear from you and what you think.