Ant Hates Musicals, Dec’s Unpacking Confession & Alan Shearer's On The Line

10:20Declan Donnelly:oh talking of music at airports because we're very ADHD today we were in the British Airways lounge in America, right? In New York. And it was all going really well until this guy started getting annoyed.

10:39Anthony McPartlin:So we're in the lounge, right? We're having a little bite of weed before we get on the plane because we're going to go to sleep. And you know when you've got the background music and you know the background music is good when you don't notice it, right? Or you feel like you're in a spa.

10:53Declan Donnelly:That's the best background music. Tranquil, relaxing.

10:58Anthony McPartlin:halfway through my dinner, what can only be described as heavy metal music started playing all of the speakers. It was.

11:07Declan Donnelly:It was. It was.

11:09Anthony McPartlin:I started by totting loudly. Yeah. Completed to one. He kicked his leg. He went,

11:16Declan Donnelly:like that. I thought he was gesturing. If you just listened, decked to the head movement like that. Like, you know,

11:26Anthony McPartlin:you flick your head up to the speakers.

11:27Declan Donnelly:I thought he was gesturing to the guy on the table

11:30Anthony McPartlin:I was gesturing next to him as well oh because he was chewing louder because he was eating his ice cubes

11:34Declan Donnelly:he was crunching his ice cubes I wonder what he was chewing

11:36Anthony McPartlin:ice cubes I thought they were loud nuts I kicked him out like that

11:39Declan Donnelly:ice cube cruncher but anyway then after that he's done it again I'm like what's he all about now it's the music he's took offence to the music so anyway

11:49Anthony McPartlin:and I thought it's a one off it's a shuffle playlist it's a one off song finishes next song starts it wasn't equally as heavy

11:56Declan Donnelly:if not more heavy every song got worse and worse and worse in its loudness and its thrashiness it's like thrash metal so I was sitting there forming so anyway I was like we've got to be taking off soon and the flight

12:10Anthony McPartlin:he was more concerned about what time the flight was

12:12Declan Donnelly:well as you should be when you sat in a lounge that's what you should be more concerned about should be boarding soon anyway so I was like we should be boarding soon and then the flight that was going 10 minutes after us was called to board before us I was like, something's weird. Something's going on. I don't know what's going on here. And he gets up and he walks out and he comes back. I went, what was the crack about the flight? He went, our flight? I don't know. I went, where have you been? I said, did you go look at the screens? Nah. I went, where did you go? He went, I went out the front to speak to them on the desk.

12:47Declan Donnelly:I went, oh, brilliant. He went, not about the flight. He asked them to change the music.

12:55Anthony McPartlin:I did.

12:55Declan Donnelly:He asked them to change the music and didn't ask one question about the flight, whether the flight was on time, what was going on with the flight that was going after us, but left before us. Complaining about the music. You've never sounded like Dad's more. Good point, actually.

13:12Anthony McPartlin:Good point. Okay, yeah, yeah. I went out, there's two guys sat there. Excuse me, can I just have a chat about the music? Well, yeah, I went, it's awful. One of the guys went, oh. This American guy, oh. that's nothing to do with us. Did he? Yeah, yeah. That's down to the Americans. That's the airport. He was American. So that's down to America. I think he must have been American Airlines. Ah, I see. Right. I've got it changed. Don't you worry about that. Little wins. Tiny wins. And we took off on time. We didn't actually. We were lit. We were lit. We were lit.

13:46Declan Donnelly:But you would know that. Next one. Hi, Ant and Dirk. This is Ayaan. My question for you is, if you could go back to one time in history and had to live your life then, when would it be? Ion. Ion. Great name, Ion. Great question, Ion. I've thought about this question a lot.

14:06Anthony McPartlin:Have you?

14:07Declan Donnelly:Yeah, a lot. And I would... Can I give more than one?

14:13Anthony McPartlin:No. Why? You can give us a shortlist and then you can choose your preferred period. 1920s Paris.

14:21Declan Donnelly:What happened? I was supposed to say, It is for a very good reason, because that's when all of the great thinkers were there, all of the great artists were there. It was a really creative part of history, which I'd like to be around. Victorian London, I just think it would be fascinating to live through that time. Get a little dose of the plague.

14:47Declan Donnelly:No, it's Victorian London. Oh, Victorian London. Oh, yeah.

14:54Declan Donnelly:ancient egypt i think it would be great to live in that or even a little bit prior to that like when they reckon gobekli tepi was built in turkey you know the oldest monument that we've discovered okay yeah because you're like you discovered we discovered yeah it was when we're on tour No, Gobekli Tepe is a structure that was built, which they think it was to pay homage to some constellation. But then they buried it on purpose, right? And we're not sure why. And there's a lot of archaeology going on at the minute. And nobody thought of building that old existed. It outdated the pyramids. So I'd like to be there then to know what on earth was built.

15:42Declan Donnelly:Why it was built. What was going on. And who built it.

15:44Anthony McPartlin:And who covered it up?

15:46Declan Donnelly:Yourself?

15:47Anthony McPartlin:Me?

15:51Anthony McPartlin:Newcastle in the 1970s. I was born in 75, so I'd like to have known what's going on five years before I was born. Okay, cool. Valid, valid. I am intrigued by the swinging 60s in London and around the time of the Beatles and that music scene. Yeah, that kind of black and white, what the world was like in black and white. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I like it.

16:16Declan Donnelly:England winning the World Cup, 1966. England winning the World Cup.

16:18Anthony McPartlin:That'd be good. The Beatles, that swinging 60s. And yeah, the other one is like Dickensie in London, that kind of, you know, around the time of Scrooge and the London that Charles Dickens wrote about. That'd be great. That'd be really. Which I presume is like Victorian London. Yeah, yeah. That's the same kind of. Yeah. Well, if you guys are in Oliver Twist, Oliver and Dodger. Oliver Twist, that's a good one You could do it every night in West End Go to Dickensian London Artful Dodger Yeah, we are a tiny bit old For the roles now Make up

16:57Declan Donnelly:Maybe it's the sequel, we could do Oliver Twist the sequel

17:00Anthony McPartlin:Let's have another voice note Hello boys, it's Alan Shearer Hope you're well My question is, if you had a superpower What would it be? P.S. Dick you can't see to be five inches taller.

17:20Declan Donnelly:Yes, Al!

17:21Anthony McPartlin:Yes, big Al!

17:22Declan Donnelly:Even though it's Alan Shearer, I'll still smash his face in. Firstly, Alan Shearer has just left the support store.

17:32Anthony McPartlin:Hans fainted and fell off his chair. That's amazing. Are you still there, Al? Love, big Al. Are you still there? What a treat that is. What a bloody treat. I know, and he's busy at the moment. He's very busy at the minute, yeah. In the middle of the World Cup and everything. Good lad, Al.

17:50Declan Donnelly:Go on. Go on, Al. She-Ra. So you can't be five inches taller. Can't be five inches taller. Can I be... Five inches shorter?

18:00Anthony McPartlin:Impossible. What are you all laughing for?

18:04Declan Donnelly:You laughed so much you snorted there, didn't you, Sal? You snorted.

18:08Anthony McPartlin:Fatty, you snorted.

18:10Declan Donnelly:On the podcast.

18:13Anthony McPartlin:I would be invisible. To be fair, you guys are famous, so...

18:18Declan Donnelly:That's not a superpower, though. No, but to be invisible is actually something you guys don't get to experience. Yeah. Oh, the curse of the mess. Well, man, you should have seen us in New York. Nobody knows how to do who we are in America. So we were pretty invisible there.

18:32Anthony McPartlin:And to be able to fly. Can I have one? Do you have to choose one or the other?

18:35Declan Donnelly:No, only one.

18:36Anthony McPartlin:Only one. Okay, I'll fly. Oh, where? Everywhere. Here, back home, flying everywhere. I'm not sitting in traffic anymore. And have you got wings or just webbed arms? Just like Superman. I've got a cape. Oh, fine.

18:49Declan Donnelly:Have you got wings or just webbed arms? What do you mean webbed arms? Like a dragon? Like a bat. Like a bat. I was thinking how he's actually flying. Why did you not think of Superman when you thought of flying? Well, just a webbed creature. Wings is fun, though. Wings is fun. We could just find hard to dress. Yeah, it would be very hard to dress. Yeah. I think fly as well. Definitely, yeah. Yeah. Because being super, if you're super strong, just try to think of the other superhero traits.

19:22Anthony McPartlin:X-ray vision.

19:23Declan Donnelly:Or like, what's it called? From X-Men? Where you can... Mind power. Mind control. Telepathy, that's good. Yeah, mind control's good. Is that a superpower? Mind control? Well, it can be. What other superpowers are there? Pause in time. Oh, that's quite good. That's a good one. Pause in time. Wow. Alan Shearer. Good question, Al. Good question. There was a lot of debate. What would yours be, by the way, Alan? It's just Alan Shearer. Super Al.

19:47Anthony McPartlin:Yeah, I suppose. Super Alan Shearer. Come on. Who's on line four? Hey, Anton Dirk. Jessica here. I've just started a new job and wanted to know how do you make friends at a new place? Do you guys struggle with stuff like that or do you have any tips on how to get them on your side?

20:05Declan Donnelly:Hi, Jessica. Hi, Jessica. You see that you're struggling for service wherever you are. She's walking the dog. It's like she's walking the dog. It's like, hey, it's me. Just walking the dog. Just thought I'd leave you if I start because it's easier. Georgia.

20:22Anthony McPartlin:Find things that you have in common. Like a really easy win for most blokes is talk about football.

20:29Declan Donnelly:Yeah.

20:30Anthony McPartlin:That is the icebreaker and then you get to know other people and what their likes and interests are. So I think that, to talk about something, that you may have in common. What's an easy win for women? Men.

20:45Declan Donnelly:Men. Men and how much pigs they are. Oh, men pigs. Just say that.

20:53Anthony McPartlin:You could always talk about, oh my God, have you heard the Hunt on Deck podcast?

20:58Declan Donnelly:Yeah, that's a good one. That's a really good way of doing a bit of guerrilla marketing on the site. Whoever you meet from now on, if it's a new person, the first thing you've got to say to them isn't about football or whether men are pigs. It has to be whether you've listened to or had an antedec. Okay? Agreed? Yeah. And she should say, have you heard me on the Antedec podcast? Yes, she can.

21:18Anthony McPartlin:That's a really good icebreaker. Did you hear me? How many bananas would you give me for my question? No, you should ask for a rating. Is that too early to ask for a rating? Okay. Should we have like a signal that, you know, you say...

21:32Declan Donnelly:Like a handshake? Or like you'd say respect guys and say something in a certain way. like when you shout it across the street yes what could it be

21:41Anthony McPartlin:Adam and Joe used to do this on their podcast Stephen you should shout Stephen and then you reply by saying just coming we should do that

21:54Declan Donnelly:not that so why don't we say respect guys eight bananas so respect guys eight bananas yeah should we try that Like if you go to the theatre You know when you kind of Shuffle your way into the theatre And everyone's kind of Going through When you're going to see One of your many musicals Yeah Just go respect guys

22:13Anthony McPartlin:Oh no you could do You know if you're late And you're coming in With your Maltesers And you drink You just go Oh and you're in the Getting into the To the What's that called Seat Seat That's it Aisle

22:24Declan Donnelly:Aisle Seat Row

22:25Anthony McPartlin:Row When you're getting into your row Instead of going Sorry sorry sorry Sorry sorry You just go Oh sorry Respect guys Respect guys Respect guys Hey bananas And someone will go, hey, bananas. Oh, my God. A fellow listener. You're one of them.

22:39Declan Donnelly:This next bit is an advert for Gemini, Google's AI app.

22:44Anthony McPartlin:I'm very much enjoying this festival of football this summer. But I thought, what I want to try and do is have food from around the world. Oh, God. And you're cooking. And I'm going to try and cook. So I thought I could use Gemini to help me out. to make a Mexican banquet. Okay. Can't be that difficult. It can. Well, let's find out. Gemini, I would like to cook my family a Mexican banquet. Vegetarian options would be good. And I've only got an hour to prepare it. Here we go. Right, go on. Gemini says, an hour is a tight window for a full banquet, but you can absolutely pull off an epic, stadium-ready Mexican spread if we lean heavily into a build-your-own taco and nacho bar.

23:38Anthony McPartlin:Oh my God, that sounds good. What a great idea.

23:40Declan Donnelly:Build-your-own taco and nacho bar? Can I come?

23:44Anthony McPartlin:Yes. That means I have to extend what I'm eating. Yeah, go on. Gemini, I am now inviting a friend, actually, who is lactose-free. Hit me. Easily done, says Gemini. A Mexican buffet is actually one of the friendliest setups for dietary restrictions because everything stays separated until it hits the plate. Great. Amazing.

24:07Declan Donnelly:Can my lot come? What? Can I bring my lot? It sounds good. Well, get the kids together, get the wives together. They can all chat. They can play. We can watch the football. Don't make it too spicy for the kids though. Are you kidding me? Just say not too spicy.

24:22Anthony McPartlin:Gemini, we've got kids attending. what's the fastest emergency trick to cool down to de-spice my food to cool it down please I bet it's yoghurt or cream Gemini says quick fixes yoghurt squeeze in some lime juice juice or a splash of vinegar and cream and sour cream here we go cream dilute it toss in a can of drained sweet corn or kidney beans note avoid using sour cream or butter to cool down the food

24:51Declan Donnelly:shut up it doesn't say that yeah

24:53Anthony McPartlin:because the dishes will not stay completely safe for your lactose-free friend. Aha! You shot yourself in the butt! With Gemini, you can chat live with a truly helpful AI assistant. You jump in, get some cooking tips, ask for more details or even show up what you're talking about by sharing your screen or camera as well. It's there for a real chat, not just a quick question and then you're done.

25:16Declan Donnelly:Download the Gemini app today to unlock the power of Google AI on your phone.

25:21Anthony McPartlin:Check responses, set up required, compatibility and availability varies. 18 plus.

25:29Declan Donnelly:Okay, I'm going again. Hi Ant and Deck, Jack from Brighton here. I'd really love to know who you think would be in a fight. One horse-sized deck or 100 duck-sized ants? Thanks. Very, very good question, Jack from Brighton. It's a very Brighton question, that. It is. They love fights between animals.

25:53Anthony McPartlin:One horse-sized deck. I think the volume of 100. 100 duck-sized ants. That's a lot. I think the 100 ducks. Because they could just confuse and ambush and... Yeah, they could.

26:07Declan Donnelly:Blindside you. Yeah. Nip at your ankles and then run over the top of you. They'd have to be well choreographed.

26:13Anthony McPartlin:They'd have to... I don't like choreography. Well, no, they'd have to be... I don't like dancing. It would have to be well planned. You couldn't just go in chaotically. Why? there would have to be a theory. Chaos rules. No, no, no.

26:26Declan Donnelly:No, you don't need a theory. You just need to go, ah, I'm from everywhere because if I don't know what I'm doing, how are you going to know what I'm doing? Well, the horse-sized debt would just trample all over you. Yeah, I'd trample over a few of them, not all of them.

26:37Anthony McPartlin:There would be a lot of casualties. There would be a lot of duck-sized casualties.

26:42Declan Donnelly:Cool. Okay. So say 40 % of the ants died. 70, I would say. That's still, well, that's still 30. That's still 30%. But what kind of life

26:50Anthony McPartlin:are they going to lead? no no

26:52Declan Donnelly:they're attacking you that's their life they're leading they're finishing you off like you're gone you're on the ground and these dirt you're just running up and down your horse shaped body

27:03Anthony McPartlin:over rising you I think they think I've gone but they're still no you're gone

27:08Declan Donnelly:no you've gone you've gone I think I get a second wind

27:11Anthony McPartlin:towards the end and finish the others off

27:13Declan Donnelly:not when we've gouged out your eyes and like eating your penis and stuff we're just thinking of you know vulnerable places to go. Eyes, penis. Mane. Mane. Pull your mane. Pull right on your eyelashes. I'm just the size of a horse. Yeah, you see. Oh, so, oh, he's not the shape of a horse. I thought in my mind, it was like, I always make you deck like a horse. Oh, it's just one horse size deck. Oh, easy. One ant will do that. One duck size ant will take on me as a horse. Oh, no, not one duck size ant. No, no, no, no. That's what I mean.

27:47Anthony McPartlin:You've... No, but there's a hundred there. And that's where you've been taken by surprise because you have underestimated me. No, because there's a hundred.

27:53Declan Donnelly:I haven't underestimated you. Yeah, you have.

27:55Anthony McPartlin:I haven't. You have. You have. You have, and you always do. Do you have another one? Who's on line 12? Hi, Anne and Dec. This is Sophie. My question is, what is one person, is or was the biggest influence on you and your work? Thank you.

28:16Declan Donnelly:Thank you, Sophie. Thank you, Sophie. that's a very good question there's been lots of different people though over the course of our career because we've had quite a long career thankfully so very very early doors I would say double acts like Malcolm and Wise Cannon and Ball the two Ronnies Vic and Bob were big influences on us well we definitely just loved watching them we'd laugh a lot of them and we'd caught the TV shows to one another when we'd see each other at work. So they were a real influence. And then as we kind of got into TV presenting, people like Chris Evans and Noel Edmonds, really good live broadcasters, I think were big influencers.

29:09Anthony McPartlin:Yeah. Anywhere else? No, I don't think so. We watched a lot of those double acts growing up and a lot of, we watched loads of comedy. We did. Things like The Young Ones was a huge show when we were much younger. And that was really anarchic and really chaotic compared to Mock and Wise and The Two Ronnies. So that kind of humour was very different, but still very funny. And also kind of opposite ends of the spectrum. One was very family orientated, one was very much mainstream mainstream and one was a bit more contemporary and different. So we were influenced from both sides of the spectrum. But yeah, I think that's a pretty comprehensive answer.

29:54Anthony McPartlin:Well done.

29:55Declan Donnelly:Thanks. Right back at you. That's very, very good.

29:58Anthony McPartlin:Thank you, Sophie. Good question. Great. Any like friends or family? No. No, no, no. No, no, no. Definitely not. No. Last one. Who's on line 22? Hi, Antondek. This is Hallie here. I have a question for you both if the world went into lockdown tomorrow what one luxury item would you stock up on? Toilet rolls everybody does doesn't they? you want to get in there before they all go

30:24Declan Donnelly:yeah you do very good point

30:26Anthony McPartlin:I don't know why when things go into lockdown why does everybody go for toilet rolls? why is that? oh I've got a question

30:35Declan Donnelly:you didn't really answer his question this might be a bit intimate but you know when you wipe your bum yes Do you fold the paper or do you scrunch it? I fold it. I'm a folder. How many sheets? I would fold, but I've recently heard that some people scrunch.

30:52Anthony McPartlin:Yeah, I don't get that. Are you a folder as well? I'm a folder. Oh, good. Two sheets. I get two sheets, pull them apart, kind of overlap them a bit.

31:04Declan Donnelly:What? What? Why are you overlapping them? Why are you pulling them apart? What? I don't know. What the?

31:15Anthony McPartlin:What? So you've got even extra support. You're extra covered. Just in case the finger goes through.

31:24Declan Donnelly:Just get another sheet. Just triple it then. Just get three sheets and do that. Fold it over.

31:31Anthony McPartlin:And then it's a bit small. But why do you pull it apart? Because you pull it apart and then... No, no, no.

31:37Declan Donnelly:But just fold it like that.

31:39Anthony McPartlin:There's something to do, isn't it?

31:41Declan Donnelly:Put your shit on what else you need to do. How could you do all of that and watch TikTok at the same time?

31:51Declan Donnelly:Oh, God. How do you do it? Just get it, fold it over, and that's it. Two sheets? More than that?

31:59Anthony McPartlin:Do you go like that? Around your hand. No, I don't. Around your hand.

32:03Declan Donnelly:No, no, no. Around your hand.

32:08Anthony McPartlin:No. No. I need to do the front side. Have a double go at it.

32:16Declan Donnelly:Now you always go up, not down, right? Oh yeah, up. Always up. Just check in, just check in for a friend. So toilet rolls.

32:23Anthony McPartlin:And ingredients for banana bread. You've got to make that in lockdown. Yeah, you do. That's the, that's the law.

32:31Declan Donnelly:God, imagine asking that question prior to 2019 would have been deemed crazy. 2020 would have been deemed crazy, wouldn't it? Yeah. If you ever went into lockdown, you're like, shut up, what a stupid hypothetical question. Now you're like, oh yeah, if we go into lockdown again. That could happen. Isn't it mad that we all lived through that? Isn't it though? We literally lived through that. It's part of history. We couldn't go outside. It was like 10, what was the walk time? One hour.

32:55Anthony McPartlin:One, an hour exercise a day. 10 minutes a day,

32:58Declan Donnelly:that's just lazy. That was lazy. I can imagine how long I said that to my friends. We can only walk 10 minutes a day, guys. I saw Boris Johnson said it on the news. It was only 10 minutes. I know, I think it's unfair as well, but we best get home. So I can go back on Instagram on the sofa.

33:18Anthony McPartlin:I guess what? Toilet oil, dried pasta. What are the other things you stock up on? Cake stuff. And we couldn't get flour for ages.

33:24Declan Donnelly:Could we not? Flour was one of the things that we ran out of very early to us.

33:28Anthony McPartlin:Well, thank you for all of your voice notes. They were brilliant. Keep them coming in. Hanging out at ButlerBox.com. We'll do another one of these very soon. Some weird old questions there.

33:37Declan Donnelly:Yeah, really weird, but I like them. I like them a lot the way the better

33:41Anthony McPartlin:we'll be back on Thursday with another ep of the main pod until then thank you Alice Shearer respect guys respect guys see you later bye bye oh that's a nasty cough oh yeah oh no oh gosh she's got something we're going into lockdown

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