Ant Is Disgusted By Dec & Our First Movie Script Table Read

7:21Ant McPartlin:Yes, I have.

7:22Declan Donnelly:Ooh, fancy.

7:24Ant McPartlin:Do you know how to say hello in Mauritian? I don't. Bonzo. Bonzo. Bit like bonjour.

7:31Declan Donnelly:Bonzo. Matt is in New Zealand. Oh, we know what that is. Not that we've ever been. Do you know, we go to Australia every year for a Miss Lebelie and I always say, next year I'm going to carry on this trip and go to New Zealand. And we never have.

7:44Ant McPartlin:Never been? Never been. I would love to go. Yeah, I would too. Sean and Laura are listening in Bangkok in Thailand. Are they?

7:50Declan Donnelly:Yes.

7:51Ant McPartlin:Lou's in Hong Kong. Hong Kong? No, I've never been. Never been to Hong Kong. I've never been to Hong Kong. Love to go. I would love to go. Hello, Lou and Hongkaz. Valerie is in Vancouver Island. Have you ever been? Never been to Canada. Never been to Canada. Do you know how to say hello in Canadian? Hello. Am I right? Oh, bonjour. Or bonjour if you're in French. Hello there, everybody. Mikey's in Dubai. Yeah, I've been to Dubai. Ever been? Yes. Please wait till I ask you. Lindsay is in Lindsay's listening in New York City Ever been? I am asking you

8:22Declan Donnelly:Well I can ask you This is how conversations work You ask something Then I ask something back Have you ever been to New York City? Yes I've been to New York City How do you say hello in New York City? Speak Hey Hello there Hello there Hey get out of the way We've got to do An accent special One week To show how bad we are

8:43Ant McPartlin:Hey how you doing? I'm walking here That's good. Thanks. Lee is in Cape Town. I've also been. Not that you ask. Have you ever been? Yes. Several times. Lee is in Cape Town. Cape Town. Cape Town, South Africa. Go on. What? Have you ever been? Yes.

9:04Declan Donnelly:See, even when you're meant to ask, you forget to ask. So I'll ask you. Have you ever been?

9:08Ant McPartlin:You interrupted my floor before.

9:10Declan Donnelly:Have you ever been to Cape Town? Yes. Did you like it? Yes. Do you know how to say hello?

9:13Ant McPartlin:Hello.

9:14Declan Donnelly:Oh, how's it? yeah

9:16Ant McPartlin:how's it how's it we've just got back from South Africa we've been filming for I'm a celebrity and all the crew in the morning go how's it how's it how's it how's it how's it how was it it was really good I didn't realise it was a thing I was like it's fine what is the itch you're referring to but we had a great time in South Africa Esther is in Serbia ever been ever been

9:41Declan Donnelly:forget to ask the question you're meant to ask it you're in trouble

9:44Ant McPartlin:in my flow and you've put us right off. Oh, yeah, my fault. Ever been? No. Maybe not. Mag is in Antigua. Yes, Antigua. Ever been? Yes, I have been to Antigua.

9:54Declan Donnelly:Ever been? Yes, I've been to Antigua. Put the map down. You don't even tell the story. Put the map down. You don't even tell the story. Put the map down. We went to Antigua years ago when we were still PJ and Duncan and we'd been doing a lot of work, recording albums and doing gigs and stuff. And we had a week off and we were like, we want to go away somewhere. We want to guarantee some. So we went to Antigua. Now, the furthest we'd been up to that point as 20-year-olds was Spain. That was the furthest we'd been. Gran Canaria. Gran Canaria. That was probably the furthest around the world we'd been.

10:26Declan Donnelly:So we went to Antigua. And the first day we land, we get straight out on the beach. Straight to the beach. And I'm like, yes, because I love a bit of sun. Love getting a tan. Deck, not so much. Not so much. You don't love the sun, do you? Well, no. You don't tan well. I'm very fair-skinned. He's very Irish, very fair-skinned. so he burns very easily and we found that out on this holiday because it was the first afternoon we lay on the beach I'd done very well applying my sun cream at this point yeah well he hadn't because that night we were going to get ready to go out and he's like oh my feet are really sore my feet are really the tops of my feet are really sore I think I burnt the tops of my feet I was like nobody burns the tops of their feet you know like that bit there anyway we go for food the first night We come back.

11:13Declan Donnelly:We're sleeping in the same room. Wake up the next morning. And I'm like, come then. Let's go and swim with. I can't get out of bed. He couldn't get out of bed. I went, what? And he said, my feet are so badly burned, I can't stand. He pulls back the sheets. It was like he'd stuck two plums on the top of his feet. They were red. Red? They were purple. They were purple. It was so bad. We were only there for a week. He couldn't leave the room for three days.

11:40Ant McPartlin:You know when you put your feet down on the floor and like the skin stretches. I was like, oh, I couldn't take a step. So I was sitting in the room. I got room service in the room. I went off to the restaurant. On my own, like a saddle. And everybody was like, where's your mate? He's like, oh, he's burnt his feet. He's in the room. So I remember I was sitting on the balcony one night feeling really sorry for myself.

12:01Declan Donnelly:I told everybody in the resort the story hilariously. And it got far more far-fetched than what I told it.

12:07Ant McPartlin:And I was sitting on the balcony one night and a family walked by. and one of the children went, look, mummy, there's the man who burnt his feet. I swear to God.

12:17Declan Donnelly:I swear to God. And I was like, oh, God. So by the time we had the travel day and then the travel day home and the first night, we had one day back in the sun together because of Mr. Burnfeet. It's not a great nickname, is it? It's like Mr. Bojangles, but Mr. Burnfeet. Mr. Burnfeet. Mr. Burnfeet. We had the only room in the whole hotel without aircon.

12:42Ant McPartlin:Yeah.

12:43Declan Donnelly:And there was one fan in the room. And as we went into the room, I opened the door and I looked. And the fan was directly above one bed. I got that bed. I ran straight into the bed, put my bag down, jumped on it. I went, Bagsy, Bagsy, this bed. And he was like, oh, yeah, no problem.

13:00Ant McPartlin:It wasn't until two days on and my feet were red raw. And I woke up early in the morning with sore feet. And I looked over at him and the other. The burnt trees. Looked over him in the other bed with a fan above it. He's like...

13:13Declan Donnelly:It was so hot. He was, you know, the buckets you get of ice for drinks. The bucket of ice by the side of his bed. And I would have to fill it up front and he would splash his body with ice-cold water.

13:30Declan Donnelly:I still didn't give him my bed, though. I'm best friends for you.

13:35Ant McPartlin:So, give our love to Antigua. Mag, we have very happy memories of being there. But please let us know in the comments and in any of your letters where you're...

13:45Declan Donnelly:If you've ever burnt your feet like plums.

13:47Ant McPartlin:And where you're listening from. Yes, please do. Valentine's on Saturday. It is. Got any plans? I do. Oh, you're doing something sexy and nice.

13:57Declan Donnelly:Sex. What? Yes. What? I didn't mean to say that.

14:08Declan Donnelly:I didn't mean to say that. Sexy and nice. What on earth? Yes, I mean, to answer your question, yes, I have got sexy, nice things planned.

14:24Ant McPartlin:Are you doing the nice things first or the sexy things?

14:28Declan Donnelly:I have to do the nice things first or they won't get sexy. I'm so sorry.

14:34Ant McPartlin:I must apologise.

14:35Declan Donnelly:Oh, my God. that's just a little glimpse into the deck's life there that's a phrase that just tripped off the tongue and he didn't mean it

14:46Ant McPartlin:oh my goodness I'm so sorry I'm so sorry what are you doing anyway tell me

14:50Declan Donnelly:I'm not going to tell I'm not going to give it away oh okay I like romance though yeah I do like being romantic I like romance I like surprise my wife makes it very hard to surprise because she's the keeper of the diary and she kind of knows everything so it's very hard to pull the wool over her eyes Oh, yeah. And be sexy and nice.

15:07Ant McPartlin:That's kind of sexy. Is that the kind of thing you're into, is it? Yeah, you? And he's sexy, nice, blunts. We're having a family Valentine's with the kids. Nice. Yeah, because it's Saturday. Not sexy, just nice. Just nice, just nice. Just nice. Yeah. Where's mine?

15:22Declan Donnelly:I'll be sexy and nice.

15:23Ant McPartlin:Yeah, that's good. Do you know the story behind Valentine's Day? Nope. Obviously, it is the day of St. Valentine. Yes. Do you know who St. Valentine was? Do you know anything about it? I don't know anything about St. Valentine. Nobody really knows, do they? No, we don't. He is the patron saint of love, lovers. Right. He's also the patron saint of epilepsy and beekeepers. Is he? Did you know that? No, I didn't know that. That's quite a weird collection. That's quite clear. Really weird. Yeah. So the story goes that he was a priest or a bishop around the 3rd century under the rule of Claudius II, who was trying to stamp out Christianity.

16:04Ant McPartlin:And Claudius II wanted young men to join his army. And he didn't want them to be married because he said, married soldiers make bad soldiers because they're too worried about their spouses. Right. Makes sense. So he tried to outlaw marriage amongst young men so they would join his army and become his soldiers. So St. Valentine secretly used to marry young men with women.

16:24Declan Donnelly:Amazing. That's a really good backstory.

16:26Ant McPartlin:And he got jailed for it. Oh. And while he was there, he talked to his jailer, who had a huge family, 40 odd people in his family, this guy. And he talked to him about Christianity. And the guy said, well, if God really does exist, if Jesus exists, said, I've got a blind daughter, you could make her see. And then if you do that, I will convert to Christianity and all of my family. So he brings the girl, makes her see again, performs a miracle. She sees he converts his whole family to Christianity, which absolutely peeves off Claudius II. And he sentenced him to death. and he was executed on the 14th of February.

17:03Ant McPartlin:Where did the bees come in? And when he was leaving the jail, he wrote a message to the jailer's daughter, which said, from your Valentine.

17:11Declan Donnelly:As origin stories go, that's the best one yet.

17:14Ant McPartlin:It's good, isn't it?

17:15Declan Donnelly:You should make a movie of that.

17:16Ant McPartlin:Because I'm fascinated by the stories of the saints. Every saint has a story about how they became a saint. Have you got a book at home with the saints? Yes, book with saints.

17:24Declan Donnelly:But that's a good story. I've never loved it, St. Valentine. That's a very good story. It's a good one. Can you do St. Anthony for next week, please?

17:30Ant McPartlin:Yes. So you know you put it to St. Anthony when you lose anything. Yes. I'll come back to you on why next week. Thank you. I look forward to it.

17:39Declan Donnelly:Good week. Yeah, it's been all right. Yeah. It's not been bad. Yeah, South Africa, didn't we? We nipped to South Africa. We did. Very brief visits. We were doing a bit of filming for I'm a Celebrity South Africa. Yeah, not a lot to report. Why don't we talk about it properly? We'll do a proper talk about it. We'll do a I'm a Celebrity South Africa special.

17:54Ant McPartlin:Yeah, when it gets there. In a couple of weeks. So we got back and just being in the thick of family life, really.

18:00Declan Donnelly:Yeah, same. I got told off this week. What for? From my daughter, because I talked about her on last week's podcast about going to the driving range. Oh, yeah. She said I was ruining her digital footprint. I said, what? Because I talked about you going to a driving range. She went, yes. And you mentioned I burnt the bacon bits. I went, I haven't mentioned you burnt the bacon bits. She went, no future employer will want me if they know I can't cook. I said, nobody knows you can't cook. I mean, she can't cook. But I said, nobody knows you can't cook. They do now.

18:31Ant McPartlin:Well, it depends what job she's going for.

18:32Declan Donnelly:Yeah, but also like... Like if she's going for a job in a restaurant, that's pretty... Surely I'm not destroying her digital footprint by talking about her on here. I didn't even name check her. I've got two daughters.

18:42Ant McPartlin:They might pick the wrong one. Could be either one. Could be either one. Has she gone any further with it? Has she taken out an injunction or anything?

18:47Declan Donnelly:No, she hasn't taken out an injunction. Is there a copyright infringement? No, there isn't. And I will continue to talk about her on here and talk about her epic fails when it comes to cooking because she's very bad. I've been watching a lot of telly.

19:01Ant McPartlin:I've been still working my way through some BAFTA movies. Oh, have you? Yes. What have you watched? A fantastic film, which I absolutely loved, gets five stars from me.

19:10Declan Donnelly:Oh, no, no. Hold on. Instead of stars, right, we should start our own rating system. Oh, that's a good idea. That's a good idea. And as the world record for banana eating in a minute is eight bananas, should we give the scale eight bananas? We could do that. Should we do that? Yeah. Eight bananas? Yeah. Okay, so what did you watch? I watched The Ballad of Wallace Island. Amazing. Well, I can't say. I mean, Eight Bananas. Yeah, I'd give it Eight Bananas. It's so good. Because people are saying it's the best British movie in years. I would say it's one of the best movies in years. Yeah. Forget that it's British.

19:42Declan Donnelly:It's just heartwarming, funny.

19:45Ant McPartlin:Brilliant performances from all three. Tim Key, Tom Basden and Carey Mulligan. All three of them are fantastic. I loved the story, the setting, the location. Yeah. It's just, it's faultless.

19:59Declan Donnelly:And you know that we've worked on that for years.

20:01Ant McPartlin:Well, it started out apparently as a... It's a short movie.

20:03Declan Donnelly:Short movie. A short movie. Short movie. Yeah. It's a short film.

20:06Ant McPartlin:But it sustains. It's brilliant. I loved it.

20:10Declan Donnelly:Eight bananas. Well done. Last night, I started a TV show on Amazon called Steel with Sophie Turner. Have you seen it? Yeah, it's good. As first episodes go, eight bananas. Eight bananas for episode one? Yes. Let me paint the picture for you, right? You've got the city of London. At night? No, during the day. Okay, carry on. You've got the city of London during the day. You've got these characters, these people getting on the tube, getting off the tube, somebody, and they all look quite menacing, right? They're all quite serious and menacing. And you're like, who are these people? Somebody's going down here.

20:49Declan Donnelly:And he keeps cutting to the gherkin. And it's, you know the gherkin in the city of London? Oh, the building? Yeah, they're building it. Not a gherkin. On a kitchen table. Very abstract. Cut to a gherkin at night. Then it keeps cutting to the gherkin. And in there is like a, no, during the day, it's the same day. I like it at night. Yeah, it's the same day. Right. So it cuts to the gherkin at day. And these people are going about their business and they're hedge fund managers, right? They work in finance. But then it keeps cutting it back to the serious people. Then it cuts back to the people doing their business.

21:20Declan Donnelly:You think, how's this? How are these two worlds going to collide? They collide in the most spectacular world. Oh, wow. So these serious people get together. You see them get in the lift. You see them lock and load their guns.

21:31Ant McPartlin:Who is this? The bankers or the people on the tube? The people on the tube. Or in the lift with guns?

21:37Declan Donnelly:Yes. Right, go on, carry on. At night? No, during the day. Okay. And then they get out and there's a robbery. They hold them to ransom and they steal big money. And it's very, very good. Very tense. Very dramatic. Lots of twists. Well, the end of the first episode got me through the remote down. I went, I'm in. Let's watch another. Hello. And my wife said, not tonight, tomorrow. I said, okay, dear. But it's really good. Eight bananas for episode one.

22:10Ant McPartlin:Eight bananas for episode one. I've watched half another BAFTA movie. So I'll give you a rating of how the first half's gone. No, thanks. Why would you? Well, it's good so far. Go on then. Who's in it? What is it? Ethan Hawke, Blue Moon. Oh, yeah? Very good. It's quite good so far. I'll let you know next week when I've finished it.

22:31Declan Donnelly:So when I visualise your banana scoring, are they half-eaten bananas? Or just, see if you're going to give it eight, you're just going to give it four, or you're going to give it four half-eaten bananas. How does the banana rating work when it comes to half a movie? Well, I don't know. It's your idea. Nobody cares what your opinion is of half a movie. nobody and I mean that in the most constructive way but for now

22:55Ant McPartlin:it's got four full bananas great should I watch it if you want to watch it then you let me know what happens in the second half

23:01Declan Donnelly:should I watch

23:02Ant McPartlin:the second half

23:02Declan Donnelly:and then we'll join our bananas

23:04Ant McPartlin:we'll put our bananas together that sounds weird

23:09Declan Donnelly:text me what minute you're up to and I'll start from that minute

23:13Ant McPartlin:alright okay

23:13Declan Donnelly:good

23:14Ant McPartlin:that sounds like a plan stay tuned for that

23:17Declan Donnelly:I also watched a movie called Train Dreams Oh, I've heard of this. On the flight back from South Africa. Ah, yes. I bawled my eyes out. I'm surprised that he was crying. Minji was flat out on the flight. I was asleep. He was asleep straight away. Did he even watch anything? Didn't watch the thing. Who does that?

23:33Ant McPartlin:Who gets on a flight? Go on, finish me Sudoku and off to sleep. You did do a Sudoku on the flight? And the woman in front of me was doing a Sudoku. I saw her do that.

23:41Declan Donnelly:Yeah, I came out of the toilet and I went to deck. I went, she's doing a Sudoku?

23:45Ant McPartlin:We both nodded at each other.

23:48Declan Donnelly:But who gets on a flight and doesn't watch anything? Because we travel, this is at ITV's expense, so we travel in a good category, right? They flew us first class. First class, baby. So we get on the flight, the seats are comfy, they turn in the beds, you've got a little TV screen, you get a choice of movies, they bring the food when you want. It's just, and nobody can get you on your mobile phone. Didn't eat anything either. There's no emails. Why? You didn't eat any of the free food on the free flight and you didn't watch any free movies. Nope. You're a psychopath. Even worse than that, do you know what I put on the TV?

24:25Ant McPartlin:The map.

24:26Declan Donnelly:You didn't. You're one of them. You're a map watcher. He's a map watcher. Hashtag map watcher. Let's get it out there.

24:33Ant McPartlin:Hashtag map watcher. I love a map. He does love a map. I just wanted to see on the plane where we were going to reach. So hold on. So you got on a flight, an 11-hour flight to South Africa. from South Africa. Oh, God.

24:46Declan Donnelly:Wow. Predant. Split that. You've got, for anyone just listening, I held a strand of my hair and said to deck, split that. So you got on a flight from South Africa at ITV's expense, first class. You didn't watch anything. You didn't eat anything. Did you drink anything? I got a free bottle of water.

25:08Ant McPartlin:A free bottle of water? I got some.

25:11Declan Donnelly:It's all free. She's right. It's all free. Fill your boots.

25:15Ant McPartlin:And I got a glass of water with some ice in the land.

25:18Declan Donnelly:And you drink. It's not like me where I don't drink. So I'm like, no, thank you. Glass of champagne, sir. No, thank you. Don't drink. He does drink. Declines it. Does a sudoku. Whatever the car is. What are they called? Sudoku. Sudoku. When you woke up from your slumber, what did you do before we landed? I had to drink my water. That's it. No breakfast on out?

25:36Ant McPartlin:No. Nothing. Nothing. It was a very early landing. It's disgusting behaviour.

25:41Declan Donnelly:you might as well have flown in economy. You might as well have flown in economy. So next time we fly to South Africa, I'm going to go to the economy and I'm going to swap somebody's ticket with yours.

25:52Ant McPartlin:No, you're not. And I'm going to sit with him

25:54Declan Donnelly:and we're going to have a chat and we're going to talk about what movies we're going to watch. We're going to talk about what are you going to get to eat? Oh, I'm going to get this. What did you get to eat? I got this. What did you watch? I watched this. That's what you do. No, I walk past him and have a little chat. He's asleep with his little earmuffs in and his sleep mask on in his seatbelt over the top of his quilt.

26:13Ant McPartlin:Which is what you're supposed to do.

26:14Declan Donnelly:Yes, I know you're supposed to do it. But like a proper SWAT. It could be a SWAT flying. He's a SWAT.

26:23Ant McPartlin:Speaking of movies and banana ratings, we've had an idea for a film script. Is this the film script?

26:30Declan Donnelly:You've each got one.

26:31Ant McPartlin:Oh. We've each got one.

26:33Declan Donnelly:We're going to do a read-through.

26:35Ant McPartlin:We have been sent a film script for us to pitch to all of the big movie companies and see if we can get this away.

26:43Declan Donnelly:Oh, I hate it. Don't you hate it when that happens? You try and pull off the tear thing and only a tiny bit comes off and now I've got to scratch away at it.

26:51Ant McPartlin:Now, if you don't know the story, we told a story back on our first podcast where we had lunch with... That's very rusty next to your microphone and I'm talking. Well, it's stuck to me. I'm talking to everybody. We had lunch with famous novelist, William Boyd, and we got to the end. I've done the same with the envelope. The envelope's ripped. And we got to the end of the lunch or towards the end of lunch and he said, oh, do you know, I had an amazing film idea for you two. And then his wife turned up and we never got to hear the film idea. We never got to hear the end.

27:20Declan Donnelly:Look, it stuck to me finger. I feel like, I feel like, reach. We got a big reach.

27:25Ant McPartlin:So we asked for your film ideas for us so we could star in another movie after the long-awaited follow-up to Alien Autopsy.

27:32Declan Donnelly:So we've got the same document in both of our envelopes. Yeah, we've got two scripts here. This is from Gary. The script is called Double Jeopardy. I'm in already. It's a short action thriller about two former operative agents, Jack and Ryan. Got me some copyright issues there. Once brothers-in-arms turned enemies, Ryan was framed for betraying his partner and their organisation. Eight years later, new evidence forces them back together, revealing they were both victims of the same conspiracy.

28:02Ant McPartlin:Oh, I hate it when that happens.

28:04Declan Donnelly:Now they must fight to survive and expose the man who tried to erase them before he finishes the job.

28:12Ant McPartlin:Here is the script for the final scene. Let's have a read through. Girls, would you read the stage cues, please? Who's going to be Ryan and who's going to be Jack? Hang on, it's Jack and Ryan. So should you be Jack because your name comes first and I'll be Ryan. Yeah, okay. So Jack and Ryan, Ant and Dec.

28:27Declan Donnelly:Abandoned office building. Night. Dark.

28:30Ant McPartlin:I like it when it's night.

28:31Declan Donnelly:Broken desks. Emergency lights flicker. They move together instinctively from odd training.

28:37Ant McPartlin:So, you finally worked out it weren't me. Took me a while. Eight years more than a while, mate. I had evidence. Yeah, funny that. So did I.

28:50Declan Donnelly:Footsteps echo somewhere above. They move to the stairwell fast.

28:56Ant McPartlin:That's just enough. Is this me? No, it's me, I think. Am I right? You're right. They burned us both, Jack. Same play, different headlines. Is that a thing? Same play, different headlines.

29:08Declan Donnelly:That doesn't work, but it's okay. We'll do a reroute before we've got the film. Same play, different headlines. He's saying someone wants to... Can I go again? I messed up the line. Okay, cut. Action. He's saying someone wants to let us go together.

29:22Ant McPartlin:I'm saying this ain't a reunion. It's a clean up.

29:25Declan Donnelly:Gunfire from above. Bullets spark up. You can't. You return the fire pushing forward. Their target, unseen clearly, retreats into the shadows.

29:37Ant McPartlin:I've got to shout this bit. I'll back off.

29:39Declan Donnelly:You always did hide behind other people! A gunshot. Ryan goes down, nazed. Jack drags him behind cover. That's me dragging you.

29:50Ant McPartlin:Just make sure it's only dragging.

29:52Declan Donnelly:Yeah, just dragging. You hit!

29:56Ant McPartlin:I've had worse than Piccadilly on a Friday night.

30:00Declan Donnelly:I'm good. Who goes out and pick a dilly on a Friday night? Nobody. You wouldn't really say that, would you?

30:05Ant McPartlin:Well, my character would.

30:07Declan Donnelly:You're still an idiot. That's back in the script now, even though I do believe that in real life as well. You're still an idiot.

30:13Ant McPartlin:Yeah.

30:14Declan Donnelly:But I'm your idiot. They exchange a look, trust, finally and back. They move fast and precise. But he's just been shot, so... Yeah, but I've had worse than pick a dilly on a Friday night. Yeah, you have, you have. I like it thank you Gary little fly in the arightman there is a movie out there called Double Jeopardy so we'll have to change the name right we'll change that and there is a series called Jack Ryan so we'll have to change the main characters names apart from that it's good and a lot of the writing is a little corny so we'll have to change that so

30:51Ant McPartlin:how many bananas does it get

30:55Declan Donnelly:one oh what sorry Gary I liked it sorry Gary I like the fact do you know what Gary maybe we need new pages yeah a little rewrite change the name change the characters names and the premise and the premise and make it a little bit more brought up that's it it's definitely got legs

31:13Ant McPartlin:no promise promise promise it's got promise

31:17Declan Donnelly:that's the kind of thing you say just if you don't let people down yeah yeah it's got promise you hate it didn't you you hate it

31:22Ant McPartlin:what was Tom Holland's thing again let's reassess well let's reassess this like Tom Holland would say Gary let's reassess this Later down the line. Thanks for all of your film ideas. Keep them coming in. And you can keep a track of our quest to find a movie for me and Anne by subscribing to Belterbox. Give us a subscribe. Give us a like. Or give us a follow wherever you get your podcast. Good idea. This podcast is brought to you by Gemini, Google's personal AI assistant. Are you enjoying doing the podcast? Am I enjoying it? Yeah.

31:54Declan Donnelly:Yeah, I'm really liking it. Are you?

31:55Ant McPartlin:I'm really liking it. I thought, though, Google Gemini might be able to help us up our performance within the podcast a little bit. Hi, Gemini. Could you teach me how to do a convincing fake laugh for when my comedy partner tells a joke or a funny story?

32:13Declan Donnelly:That's a useful skill. To make a fake laugh sound genuine, try varying the pitch and intensity. Also, adding a slight breath before and after the laugh can make it more natural.

32:26Ant McPartlin:Could I try one and you give me some feedback?

32:28Declan Donnelly:Go for it. I'll let you know what I think.

32:36Declan Donnelly:That had some good volume. To make it more convincing, try a slightly less consistent rhythm.

32:44Ant McPartlin:Got it. Thanks, Gemini.

32:45Declan Donnelly:Happy to help with the comedy. We need all the help we can get. She's funny. Anytime. Keep practising. Yeah, keep practising your fake laugh, yeah? on the podcast with me. With Gemini, you can chat live with a truly helpful AI assistant. You jump in, brainstorm ideas, ask for more details, or even show it what you're talking about by sharing your screen or camera as well. It's there for a real chat, not just a quick question and done.

33:13Ant McPartlin:Download the Gemini app today to unlock the power of Google AI on your phone.

33:18Declan Donnelly:Check responses, setup required, compatibility and availability varies. 18 plus.

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33:43Declan Donnelly:because at Hilton, hospitality feels like Your cabana's ready. Would you like fresh towels? It matters where you stay.

33:52Ant McPartlin:Book now at Hilton.com.

33:54Declan Donnelly:Hilton for this day. That graphic behind us with you on your bed means it's time for your diary. And you know last week I asked for jingles if anybody could do us a jingle. We've had a jingle. We're going to play this jingle along with that graphic. We've got a letter as well which I'm going to read before you read this week's excerpt.

34:17Ant McPartlin:This is really gaining traction this whole item, isn't it?

34:19Declan Donnelly:Thank you.

34:21Ant McPartlin:Coming as a paper plane yet again. So, this is from Dawn. Hi, Dawn.

34:27Declan Donnelly:She said, I recently listened to your podcast where you spoke about Russ the bus and last week's diary. Russ driver when we were at PG and Duncan. And your manager parking the car on a girl's foot. Well, guys. Oh, no. I am that girl. No way! Dawn is the girl. I was okay. A little embarrassed, obvs, especially after the local newspaper got hold of the story. Press. Security thought I was screaming for Ant and Dec, but oh no, my friend had to say no. The car just ran over her foot. More embarrassing. More embarrassing than that. I had to think it could get more embarrassing than that. More embarrassing was the fact I was meant to be on a date, but went to the concert instead.

35:14Declan Donnelly:My date found out by reading the headlines of the local newspaper. All was well though, no lasting damage. Lots of love. Dawn.

35:21Ant McPartlin:Oh, well, it's good to hear, Dawn, that everything's tip-top and you're all right and you've got both your feet in good working order.

35:28Declan Donnelly:Good excuse to get out of a date, though. That's good. Yeah, it's good. If you've got good excuses that you've used in the past to get out of a date, let us know.

35:35Ant McPartlin:Have you got any good excuses? Have you got go-to excuses? For getting out of a date?

35:39Declan Donnelly:Ten to go on too many dates anymore, Lola, now that I'm married.

35:43Ant McPartlin:Yeah. I just go, you're not going to tell my wife about this, are you?

35:49Declan Donnelly:Yeah. Very good. Yeah, normally my, is Newcastle's on telly tonight? Goes down well. To which the response is, again? Yeah, I know. We're on telly a lot. Eight o 'clock kickoff on a Saturday night is not, I'm going to say this now, is not a good time for football matches to kick off.

36:06Ant McPartlin:Are you listening, Premier League? Are you listening?

36:08Declan Donnelly:Are you listening? To hanging out with Ant and Dec? Premier League? Change it. Change the kickoffs. Listen to the grassroots here, the ordinary football fan. Yeah, Premier League. But that's family time, isn't it? 8 o 'clock on a Saturday night. Yeah. You know, that's family time. That's not watch football time. Come on. It's 10 o 'clock. What? No, it's 8 o 'clock. No, but it finishes at 10 o 'clock. Oh, it finishes at 10 o 'clock. We would have got it.

36:31Ant McPartlin:It finishes at 10 o 'clock. It's 10 o 'clock. The time it finishes. By the time it finishes, it's 10 o 'clock. It is. That's my bedtime. I've got to watch the news headlines and go to bed. Good night.

36:42Declan Donnelly:I've been Declan Donnelly. Good night. Is that how you go to bed at night? Yeah. I've been Declan Donnelly. Thanks for a great day. goodnight that's what he does on a flight before he watches a movie or instead of watching a movie right we're getting sidetracked on this week's podcast we're very sorry we're a little bit jet lagged even though there's no time difference in South Africa here's Declan's diary hit it play

37:09Ant McPartlin:Declan's 90s diary he's not embarrassed

37:12Declan Donnelly:but should it be Declan's 90s diary he's not embarrassed just finds it funny

37:20Ant McPartlin:Dick in Tandy's Diary

37:22Declan Donnelly:He's not embarrassed He's not embarrassed Thank you, that was from Nadia

37:31Ant McPartlin:Well done, Nadia Big fans of your theme tune If you've got a theme tune for Dick's Diary or for anything at all, send them in and we'll use them Maybe, if they're good enough Right, tell us the date and what's going on in your life 31st of March, 1994 Right. Day four of life on the road, eh? Respect, guys. Hardly slept at all last night. Again, you don't really get much good sleep, do you? Back in 1994. No, not till after 4am anyway. What? Felt a bit worse for the beers me and Ant stayed up for. Beers? Beers. Did you put Z at the end? No. Okay. Felt a bit worse for the beers me and Ant stayed up for.

38:14Declan Donnelly:Nobody says that. Who says that?

38:16Ant McPartlin:Was a wee bit gone. A wee bit gone? You haven't wrote a wee bit gone. You have as well. Why are you going a bit Scottish? Left the hotel around 12-ish, and after lunch, went to this safari park thing. Do you remember we were going to the wildfowl park?

38:31Declan Donnelly:Oh yeah, we were, yeah. Safari park thing.

38:33Ant McPartlin:Yeah. Where you drive round and look at the animals. It was well good.

38:39Declan Donnelly:Hold on. So even after you've been to the safari park, you still can't describe it better than Safari Park Thing.

38:47Ant McPartlin:Yeah. It was well good, though. Yeah, well good. Got to the venue in Bolton. Oh, Bolton. Around 7.30. Although we had already found it at 5pm and gone again. We were bored for an hour waiting to go in. Oh, bored in Bolton. The club was another dodgy one. No, was it? With no stage. Not again. Just the dance floor and no crash barriers. Because we need them, guys. we do everyone just closes in and you've got no chance willies and bums the whack the whack they close in and you've got no chance got pulled in the DJ booth twice did you you lucky devil

39:28Declan Donnelly:I don't remember that I just had a beer

39:30Ant McPartlin:got pulled into the DJ booth twice away from the girls

39:34Declan Donnelly:oh okay in brackets

39:36Ant McPartlin:bah

39:42Ant McPartlin:Away from the girls. The audience were excellent, though, and made so much noise. After signing the autographs... Yes? Autograph cards. ...and the very dodgy security, we set off for the long, long drive back to Kent. Oh, that is the long drive from Portland and Kent. Y 'all know. What? Y 'all know. What does that mean? Ooh, Yono Spend it Y-A-W-N-O

40:13Declan Donnelly:Yono What, were you a teenage girl? Yono Like a teenage American girl Who says that? Yono

40:24Ant McPartlin:Arrived there at 2am and ready for bed Wow

40:29Declan Donnelly:Declan Sweden's diary is not embarrassed He should be Oh, I am Oh, I am. Oh, very good. Yono. I'm going to have to get lots of different lights made at this point. Yono over that side, please.

40:43Ant McPartlin:Respect, guys. Yono. And what was the other one? Join us next week for Day 5, April Fool's Day, 1994. Should we play out with the theme tune? Yeah.

40:52Declan Donnelly:Nadia, let's hear your jingle one more time, because that's the end of Dex Diary. Everybody join in. The lyrics are very easy to follow. He's not Tim Barris. I'm not embarrassed. He's not Tim Barris. I am a little bit. Just finds it funny. Just finds it funny. One more time. Dick, he's writing his diary. He's not embarrassed. Should he be?

41:16Ant McPartlin:He's not embarrassed. Just finds it funny.

41:20Declan Donnelly:Thank you, Nadia. Very, very good. I look forward to more of that next week. Shall we have a look at the postbag? Yeah, let's have some letters. Pass it over, please. Oh, that's a bulging bag. That's a big bulger.

41:33Ant McPartlin:Thanks for all of your letters. Let's keep them coming in to hanging out at belterbox.com. Right. And we'll read some out on air.

41:41Declan Donnelly:I've got one here from Matty. Hi, Undec. Hi, Matty. Hi, Matty. Matty here. Yeah, we've established that, Matty. We know you love football. Yes. But do you like boxing? If so, yes, I do. If so, and had to do an exhibition fight, who would you fight and why? Respect, guys. Thanks, Matty. Okay. Good question. Who would you fight? I'd fight KSI. Come on Let's have it No he's bigger than me He's massive Don't know Yeah would I have a little fight I would have Yeah I would Andrew Scott Yeah he's about my height Yeah

42:14Ant McPartlin:You can't Punch Andrew Scott in the face Why because he's your mate He's too good looking Can't punch him in the face Who should I fight Chris Martin Who Chris Martin from Coldplay Chris Martin You can't fight Chris Martin He's so He's the loveliest man

42:30Declan Donnelly:I think you could take him I don't know He's into a lot of yoga Oh really Have you seen? His stage show's like three hours long. Yeah. And he sings and dances all the time. He can sing and dance. Yeah, not to the extreme lengths. Chris Martin. I'm not calling out Chris Martin. Nobody wants to see that. Do you? Do you? Do you?

42:49Ant McPartlin:Oh, man, that would be good, wouldn't it? It'd be good on YouTube, wouldn't it? It'd be great on YouTube. Imagine the subscribers. Yeah, you need to have beef with Chris Martin. I do. I do, but I like him too much. You can't be rude to him. I can't be rude to him. You can't be rude to Chris Martin. He'd take it. Hey, man, you know, that's fine. That's cool. that's so cool man I do care everybody's got their opinion I don't care man who could you have beef with who would you not mind having beef with Stephen Mulhern

43:10Declan Donnelly:I can knock him out easy easy knock him out and he's taller than me Stephen he's got a big head good big target big target yeah hard to miss Stephen's not a fighter though no no Jonathan Ross he's a big lad

43:26Ant McPartlin:Jonathan Ross I can knock him out I can he's quite tall Jonathan he's a big unit yeah but let's go for the guts boom boom boom Alan Carr

43:34Declan Donnelly:yeah Alan Carr

43:36Ant McPartlin:you'd knock out a lot of celebrities wouldn't you yeah I would you would not even on YouTube just in real life with no one watching that's good that's a great question Matty send us in your parents of who you think we should fight who would you fight Tom Holland yeah you ready you could take him if I crept up on him in the dark in the dark when he's just walking the dog and I just jump on him pop out from behind a tree and jump on him

44:00Declan Donnelly:I reckon I have him You think you can chin Spider-Man. That's the tagline for this episode, isn't it? Yeah. I think I can chin Spider-Man.

44:09Ant McPartlin:Dream on, baby. Hey, Ant and Dec. This is from Christina. I grew up in Russia where English was something we learned in school. Back in year 10, our student books had these short texts written by teenagers, in inverted commas, with photos next to them. Proper standard textbook stuff. One day our English teacher told us to read a few pages and there were two lads called Tom and Gary. They looked young, very British, very 90s. Years later, long after I graduated, I realised that Tom and Gary were actually Ant and Dec. What? Same pics, but names change. What are you talking about? In the text, Tom goes on about moving abroad and being a hacker.

44:44Ant McPartlin:What? While Gary mostly moans about the UN convention and being a teenager. Oh, that was very Dec growing up. It still cracks me up that without even knowing it, a bunch of confused kids were learning English off Ulot, pages included for a peek. Thanks for the podcast and accidentally being part of my school education.

45:02Declan Donnelly:So for those just listening, there is a picture of me and a picture of Dec and text next to each one. So the text next to mine says, some people call me a hacker. I like my computer and I can do many things with its help. I've designed a new game for my brother and I've made a program for my teacher of English. Now he can use computers that are English lessons. Tom.

45:23Ant McPartlin:Mine says, I do love action films. Why? They're very dynamic and really exciting. They grab your attention from the first scene. I like films with a mysterious plot. They keep me in suspense. Action films are so various that can suit different tastes. Some people think that action films teach only to fight and kill. I don't agree with such opinions. They teach people to defend justice and to be strong and brave. I think it is not bad to want to look like heroes of action films. I actually wrote that. That's in my diary next week. Well done, Gary. That is so weird. That's really weird. We're kind of school famous in Russia.

45:53Declan Donnelly:School famous in Russia. That's really good. Next letter. In 2005, my daughter, Tony, was luckily enough to be chosen to play William Roach in the Golden Shot game you both hosted. Oh, yeah. She didn't beat him, but she received from you loads of gifts, which included a trip to South Africa for two. How's that? And many other gorgeous prizes, one being a huge gas barbecue. In practice, BBQ. Yeah. Didn't need that. Didn't need that. I know I'm barely educated, but I didn't need it. as you're in barbecue. Barbecue, then barbecue. To this day, the barbecue is still in use. Wow. Her daughter, who is eight years old, is a huge fan of you both and often explains to her friends that Ant and Dec gave her mum this barbecue.

46:44Declan Donnelly:So this wonderful barbecue, which is 21 years old, is still going and much loved by us all. I just wonder if other people have prizes that are still being used that you've given them. Just a thought. Much love, Jane. Thank you, Jane. I'm really pleased that the barbecue. BBQ. The BBQ is still going strong. Yeah, that's very good because we've given away a lot of prizes over the years on TV shows. We've given away a lot of foot spas. We have given away a lot of foot spas. And especially on Saturday Night Takeaway where you don't just watch the adverts. You win up. People used to walk away with all sorts of crazy things.

47:18Declan Donnelly:So it'd be good to know if they're still going strong. See if we can beat the 21-year-old BBQ.

47:25Ant McPartlin:We should give something away on this. Prizes? yeah

47:27Declan Donnelly:BBQ not a BBQ we should give something away got anything to give away Mark Respect Guys t-shirt Respect Guys t-shirt yeah Respect Guys t-shirt do you want it who wants it you gotta have it

47:38Ant McPartlin:we should think of something to give away for like good letters and good interactions we'll work on that thanks for all of your letters keep them coming in hanging out at beltabox.com there you go

47:49Declan Donnelly:that's the end of the episode

47:50Ant McPartlin:is that it already that's it oh been looking forward to that and it's been over so quickly

47:54Declan Donnelly:why don't we do it again next week you're on yeah I'll do it meet you back here at the hangout

48:01Ant McPartlin:thanks for all of your letters all of the stuff you said and please keep it coming we love looking at it we love looking at your comments as well yeah we do

48:08Declan Donnelly:any jingles anything like that please we want you to be part of this show as much as we are

48:12Ant McPartlin:we will be here on Monday for a very exciting mystery dog episode can't miss that one with a good guest can I say it no you can't say that it's a very good guest no you can't say that very good guest he's given away already I haven't said his name. We've got a very exciting Mr. Adult episode on Monday and then we're back next Thursday from the Hangout for another hanging out with me and him.

48:35Declan Donnelly:Until then. Love you, Lord. Bye. Love you. Respect, guys. See you next week. Have a sexy and nice Valentine's Day. Bye. Bye.

48:44Ant McPartlin:Are you staying there?

48:45Declan Donnelly:Oh, yeah. Bye.