Ant Receives a VERY Rude Doctor's Note & Has Dec Ever Worn Shorts??

7:51Ant McPartlin:Now, if I know you, that's not what you were going to do. You were going to slow roast it, weren't you? I was going to slow roast it, yes. It all fell apart. Yeah, exactly. You can't do that now. I can't do that now. If he butterflies it. Well, exactly that. Did he butterfly it?

8:02Declan Donnelly:He butterflyed it. What did he get involved for? Because I asked him to. I was a bit shocked. Well, I'll tell you what also happened. At the weekend, when you go in there, I was waiting in the queues. Big queue, big queue. Funnily enough, it had a lot of press recently. So a lot more customers.

8:17Ant McPartlin:That's good. Are you on a little?

8:18Declan Donnelly:Yeah, a little backhander. I didn't get it for free, though. I still had to pay for it. So you go in there and you wait and there was a guy making lamb burgers. There was a chef in the butchers making burgers. A butcher? Not just a guy? Not a chef? Yeah. Wow. Not a chef? Yeah. Not the butcher. There was a chef in the butchers. Friend of the butchers, obviously. Right. Cooking. Cooking, yes. What did you get? There was a chef cooking a lamb burger.

8:45Ant McPartlin:No, that's what I didn't get. What?

8:47Declan Donnelly:What did you get?

8:48Ant McPartlin:I thought it was just another butcher making burgers. No, no.

8:51Declan Donnelly:Cooking them. Cooking them. So he was cooking lamb burgers, many little sliders. Lovely. For free? For free. He said, try out the lamb burgers. So as I waited in the queue, I had three. that's taking liberties isn't it I had one then my wife had one and then we swapped places and then I don't think he realised he went would you like a lamb burger I was like yes please so I had another one I went they're so good them lamb burgers he was like well there's one left do you want it I went yes please so I had three didn't have lunch anyway back to the lamb butterfly lamb butterfly lamb so I said I'm not sure I'd like to slow roast it so it falls apart and he went trust me try this way now I've got photos I took photos so I'd like to show you the photos and if you would like to do this at home

9:33Ant McPartlin:then please cook along. So for those of you listening we've got one picture here with a lot of finely chopped red onion. So you said

9:40Declan Donnelly:get two red onions chop them finely and add any other veggie ones. Nice knife.

9:46Ant McPartlin:Thank you very much. He's got a very fancy Japanese steel knife here. With my name on. With his name on.

9:51Declan Donnelly:It's got my name on. Oh, it's very... It was my 50th birthday present off my mother-in-law. Very fancy. But she spelled my name wrong. On the knife? Yeah, it's It doesn't have an H in. Anthony. Because she calls me Anthony, even though she knows it's Anthony. She just never says it right. So she's obviously said it to the people making the knives.

10:09Ant McPartlin:And also, they've printed the name wrong. There's a tiny little bit of red onion covering the A and the N. So it just looks like Tony McPartland.

10:18Declan Donnelly:And it's a little bit of red onion covering the rest of McPartland. So just like Tony Mac. Yeah. Tony Mac's knives. Anyway, we digress. We get to get back to the photos. So you finally chopped two red onions. Add two sticks of celery. Mix it all together. Put it in the bottom of your baking tray. Add to that malt vinegar. When he said malt vinegar, I said, what? He said, yes, sir, malt vinegar. So you mix it all together. How much did you put in? Because the bottle's empty. No, I'd used some already. Okay. On like fish and chips. I was going to say, my God. The whole lot. Earlier in the week. Right, right, right.

10:51Declan Donnelly:So you add the malt vinegar and then you kind of mix it in. Massage it in, as James Lilliver would say. Massage it in. Then you prepare your lamb. So that's the lamb butterflied. There's your butterflied leg. You've got my rosemary. I've got garlic. I've got salt and pepper. And then you put that on top.

11:07Ant McPartlin:Of your onion mix.

11:08Declan Donnelly:Of the onion mix. And this is the result. Cook it at 180 for 50 minutes. Five zero? Five zero. That's it. Because you've laid it quite flat. It's quite thin. It doesn't need to cook. You don't need to slow roast it. And then as long as you let it rest for 20 minutes, all the juices go back in to the lamb leg. And it looks as tasty as that. And then you get all your little pickled oniony, red onion and celery and garlic, and then get it from underneath the lamb and put it on top. That does look good. Thank you very much. Was it good? It was very good. How many bananas? Eight bananas. Eight bananas.

11:43Declan Donnelly:It got eight bananas from all of the rest of the guests, my family. And we had it again last night. Did you? Two nights in a row. So I'll pop around and make you that and make you feel better if you want. Lovely. Okay. Pencil me in. If you want to make the recipe and send us pictures of you making it at home and we can compare. And we'll rate it. We'll rate your versions of, what can we call it? Rate your meat. What? Rate your meat. Rate my meat. Rate my meat. It's a different website, isn't it? Beat my meat. Beat my meat. We can't call it beat my meat. We're beating your meat. Yeah, you're trying to beat my meat.

12:16Declan Donnelly:Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. I can't see what would be wrong with that. Can you?

12:21Ant McPartlin:This is an advert for Santander, who understand that getting started on a goal isn't always easy. And taking a meaningful first step is how progress happens. It's a bit like when we started SMTV Live Saturday mornings.

12:34Declan Donnelly:We just had to start it, didn't we? We just had to take that first step.

12:37Ant McPartlin:Yeah.

12:38Declan Donnelly:Because we didn't know how good we'd be. It was live every Saturday, which we'd had experience of, but not a lot of experience.

12:44Ant McPartlin:It makes me shudder now. Because we were bad. Yeah. The show to start with, but probably the first... Six months? No, not that long. Two, three months maybe? Right. We were really just scrabbling around to get by week to week. And the ratings weren't great. No, the ratings weren't great. It started off badly, but then it grew. But we could never have gotten to the point we did with it without having gone through those early days and the tricky bits at the very beginning. Yeah. Going through that whole process made us better at what we did. And by the end of it, you know, it was...

13:19Declan Donnelly:The best thing. It's where we learned everything about live TV. Yeah.

13:22Ant McPartlin:But we wouldn't have got going if we just didn't do it. Yeah. We had to take the plunge and start at the very bottom. Oh, and boy. And work a way up.

13:30Declan Donnelly:Yeah. And boy, it was the bottom. And that's what Santander is doing. Working hard to help customers build the confidence they need to achieve a goal that matters to them.

13:40Ant McPartlin:Santander, it starts here. Seeing your meet up there on the screen. Yeah. Reminds me that we threw down a gauntlet to Jamie Oliver. We did. To send us his diary.

13:53Declan Donnelly:What's he getting involved for?

13:55Ant McPartlin:To prove that he was busy till September and he couldn't get involved in the podcast. In our pants chat, if you remember, Ant says he has got the best pants in the world. Jamie Oliver seems to think he's got the best pants in the world and tried Jamie Oliver's pants. He borrowed a pair of used pants of Jamie Oliver's. No, he didn't.

14:12Declan Donnelly:They were brand new.

14:13Ant McPartlin:And I didn't like them. He didn't like them. It was too much heat. It was too much heat. He said... Testicle heat. He said they were like wearing a flip-flop or something and that his testicles were split in two. What? I can't remember. Wasn't that what it was? There was a Tesla over here.

14:26Declan Donnelly:You said it was a flip-flop.

14:28Ant McPartlin:Anyway, I didn't like them. So anyway, apparently, Jamie has been in touch. Roll the tape. Hi, Ant. Hi, Dec. I hope you're well. Right? I had a moment where, when I got my sax pants, right? S-A-X-X. TM. Trademarks technology, right? Not random technology. Not a sewing. Not a weave. Like, a cupping trademark technology. Do you know what I'm going to do, boys? Because I love you. because I love both of you. I'm going to show you my pant drawer. Oh, this is my pant drawer. Wait for it. La, la, la, la. La, la, la, la. It's not the best. It's basically a random selection. I probably need to upgrade them.

15:10You know, this is how it works. That is what it looks like inside. It doesn't look like much, but that is the beautiful sax technology cupping, right? So get yourself some if you haven't got one. I've even got Christmas ones. They only come out at Christmas, obviously. So there you go. Don't say I don't do anything for my friends, for you, or for boys, for Britain, for balls all around the world. Love you, boys. Take care. Let the argument continue. Let the beef begin.

15:40Declan Donnelly:So he didn't say anything too beefy. Not too beefy.

15:44Ant McPartlin:Disappointingly, beef with Jimmy Oliver was not what I thought it was going to be.

15:49Declan Donnelly:However, he's still wrong about the punts. so I disagree with you there you can show us your pant drawer in your lovely big house and you can give us a guided tour you can tell us how much you love us we love you too by the way but we still prefer to see him here before September yes that's what that's what I'm not having a video message is good and I appreciate it but it's still not as good as him here in person in his pants in his pants well that's what I want he'll be in his pants I suppose okay well I'll give a message back to Jamie me all of them. Thank you, Jamie. Thank you. I feel like he's really kind of, he's took the wind out of this argument.

16:26Declan Donnelly:I need to get it back in there. Jamie, I love you as well. And I appreciate you doing the video message, but you're bang out of order when it comes to your bold cup and technology. Nobody wants to be held like that. I don't want to see your underpants. I don't want to picture you being held like that. I certainly don't want to watch you do that with your fingers. None of it worked for me. Now get in here and tell me all about it face to face like a man. Is that good?

16:51Ant McPartlin:That's better. Is that good? That's better. Okay, good. And go and wash your hands before you prepare any food because you've been rummaging through pants.

16:58Declan Donnelly:I heard from somebody the other day that every Boxing Day, he gets rid of all of the pants in his pantrow and buys new. Does he call it Boxer's Day? No, but he should. He should.

17:10Ant McPartlin:He didn't even say that.

17:11Declan Donnelly:He should do. Why wouldn't you say that? Why wouldn't you? If you do it on Boxing Day. It should be Boxer's Day. And you're updating your boxers. It's Boxer's Day.

17:18Ant McPartlin:Well, I feel like I can't really take part in this because I haven't tried either of your pants. Well, why don't you try them? Because I've got my own... You're just on the sidelines in your own pants? I've got my own pants, which I'm very happy with. Do you even wear pants?

17:29Declan Donnelly:That you don't wear shorts? Do you wear pants? He goes commando. Deb can't get involved because he'd commando down there. Still haven't seen you wearing shorts, though.

17:38Ant McPartlin:Yeah, you have seen me wearing shorts. This is ridiculous. Have I? Yes.

17:42Declan Donnelly:It slipped my mind if I have. When have you worn shorts in the past?

17:45Ant McPartlin:Well, you've started this. You pulled this out the bag. When was that last week? A couple of weeks ago?

17:49Declan Donnelly:I said, would you get your legs out on camera? Because you never have. I have.

17:52Ant McPartlin:When? Tons. Prove it. How can I prove it? With photos? Guys, there must be loads of photos of me in shorts. There is. Take away Kylie hot pants. Episode one of some series. And it was Kylie Minogue, end of the show show. I dressed as Kylie in the gold hot pants. Let me tell you, there is nothing to focus your mind better post-Christmas than knowing At the end of February, you're getting a pair of Kylie's hot pants. Let me tell you. I got my shorts blown off. When? In Florida. Yes, I remember. Anfersus Deck finale in Florida. We did it. Do you remember we went inside balloons? At Disneyland, yeah.

18:31Ant McPartlin:At Disneyland. We were fully in human-sized balloons. Yeah. And we had to answer questions. And if you got a question wrong, a pin got closer to your balloon. So we did a head-to-head thing and I was lagging way behind and I knew Ant was going to win. so the pin was getting closer and closer. I lost. Bang. The balloon blowing was so big, it blew my shorts off.

18:57Declan Donnelly:Did it though? Did it really blow your shorts off? Did it?

19:01Ant McPartlin:Not really, though.

19:03Declan Donnelly:Exactly. I didn't think so. You knew you'd lost, and you had to try and steal the scene. Focus puller. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Try to pull focus. How did you get them down then?

19:13Ant McPartlin:Because my arms were inside the balloon. Yeah. So I just teased them down as I was about to lose.

19:21Declan Donnelly:But the people at Disneyland, where we shot this in Florida, weren't very happy that Dex shorts had come down. But what can you do if a balloon just popped? You can't really do anything.

19:31Ant McPartlin:Yeah.

19:31Declan Donnelly:I mean, it's not what you did on purpose. So would you wear shorts on like I'm a celebrity in the future now? Now we've seen how good your legs are?

19:38Ant McPartlin:Maybe. Okay. I've never really thought about it. I look forward to it. Got the old diary out. Good, good. I can't remember where we're up to Do you remember last week I told you that You said it was going to be

19:48Declan Donnelly:a really good day

19:49Ant McPartlin:The first line is this was the most hectic day yet and probably one of the most enjoyable Come on It's a big day Good It's the 7th of April 1994 Before we get there Shall we have a jingle? Yes please Woohoo!

20:15Ant McPartlin:I love this.

20:17Declan Donnelly:That is exceptional.

20:23Ant McPartlin:Who the heck was that? That must have been Chris Martin or Paul McCartney. Who was that?

20:27Declan Donnelly:That's my dad.

20:28Ant McPartlin:Is it?

20:28Declan Donnelly:Your dad?

20:30Ant McPartlin:Oh, my God. Your dad's got such a high voice. My mum and dad singing. Your mum and dad singing? Mr and Mrs Jemima, you are brilliant. Oh, my God. That is brilliant. Thank you very much. Do you know what? That is my favourite one. Really? Yeah, same here. Absolutely. That's an A banana jingle. That's well done. Well done, Mr. Jemima. Well done. Anyway, 7th of April, 1994, day 11. Well, this was the most hectic day yet, but probably one of the most enjoyable. Good. Up at 7am. Wow! That's early for you. And I've reiterated that in brackets by saying, Yes, seven. Did you?

21:15Declan Donnelly:God, seven eight, I'm like a liar to me these days.

21:18Ant McPartlin:I know. Up at seven. Yes, seven. And in the car by eight. A trip over to TV centre was required. Who writes that? Who writes that? Was required to rehearse for Blue Peter. Oh, Blue Peter. We were going to be on Blue Peter, guys. We're going to be on the telly. We sang live. Double underline. Did we? and had to run through the track a few times. Because our pigeon was all over the place. Because we were awful. As soon as we finished, we jetted off to Edinburgh. I remember this. Literally. I remember this. Remember this day? Yes, I do remember this day. Sped to an RAF base and got a private eight-seater jet to Scotland.

22:03Ant McPartlin:Can you believe that? Life of a pop star, eh? Life in the skies, eh? It cost Telstar Records. How much do you reckon? Oh, it's 10 grand. 3 ,000 pounds. Wow. For a private jet to Scotland. Oh boy. Oh boy. Good. You should be excited about that. It costs Telstar records. 3 ,000 pounds. Oh boy. Oh boy. We arrived, dumped our bags and straight onto stage. Mark Goodyear came backstage and wished us the best of luck. He was a really top bloke. Thanks, Mark. So we flew to Scotland to do the Radio 1 roadshow. I remember it. We shot back to the airport and we're back in London just after 4pm. Sped back to TV centre.

22:45Ant McPartlin:Yeah. Time for makeup and a quick rehearsal before live on air. Another rehearsal. There's a lot of rehearsals for Blue Peter. Dress rehearsal. We really couldn't sing live. Dress rehearsal. It went, in brackets, supposedly, close brackets, well. Supposedly? Brackets. We haven't seen it back yet.

23:04Declan Donnelly:Ah, I see. So we don't know. So you're not listening to the people who work with you. No. Because they're just blowing smoke. Exactly. And you don't listen to people. They're just telling me what I want to hear. They're yes people, essentially. They're yes people. Yeah. They're all on the payroll. Until you see it yourself, you'll be the judge. They're all on the payroll. I want to see it for myself. Yeah, I get it.

23:19Ant McPartlin:You see? But everyone seemed pretty pleased. Well, supposedly. They would. They would. They're paid to. After we met the guys from Gimme Five about the new series. Oh, yeah. So we were going to do Gimme Five, the Saturday morning show. We were going to be on that regularly. I started to unpack. There's a lot in this episode.

23:35Declan Donnelly:Yeah, come on, come on, come on. I need more.

23:37Ant McPartlin:Our record producer, his girlfriend, Ant and I went for a curry. It was a pretty good night until we read the review of Why Me in Just Seventeen magazine. Bastards!

23:55Declan Donnelly:Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

24:08you just we could probably

24:12Declan Donnelly:get that review we could probably find that review for next week oh my god do you end there or is there any more oh good good good

24:21Ant McPartlin:I'm quite philosophical about it

24:23Declan Donnelly:are you you obviously slept on it and done the rest in the morning have you run the street down or you just like say the word oh well

24:33Ant McPartlin:that's showbiz Life on the road, eh? An early night and a lie-in. Ooh, I'm in heaven.

24:44Declan Donnelly:Well, not that much in heaven. Well, no. Hell, after the Just 17 review.

24:49Ant McPartlin:I've processed the review, and now I'm in heaven with an early night and a lie-in. What a shame about the review. Because that was a brilliant day. That was a great day. Until Just 17 hit the newsstands. If only you'd just gone to bed

25:03Declan Donnelly:with a belly full of curry and a belly full of beer Not read the reviews. Not read the reviews. Don't listen to the haters. Don't read the reviews. Don't read the reviews. Don't read the comments. Yeah, don't read the comments. Don't read the reviews. I don't read the comments. What a great day. I remember that day very well. We had to rehearse in the morning for Blue Peter because we knew we were shooting off to Edinburgh to do the Radio 1 Roadshow, but we didn't tell Blue Peter.

25:25Ant McPartlin:Well, unbeknownst to us, we didn't realise our management had not told Blue Peter we were going to Scotland to do the Radio 1 Roadshow.

25:32Declan Donnelly:And they just said, oh, we're going to rehearse in the morning and we're going to go off for a bit and then we'll see for the live show.

25:38Ant McPartlin:How our management thought we were going to get away with it because we were going to be on the radio at one o 'clock in the afternoon. So we were live on the radio.

25:46Declan Donnelly:And of course, they all listened to it.

25:48Ant McPartlin:And some people from Blue Peter were like, I don't know, dressing room, going, no, they're not there. They're definitely in Scotland. So yeah, we just left and they freaked when we got back. They were furious. Yeah, they were furious. Because they were like, what if you got stuck in Scotland? And it was a whole, we were on Blue Peter for about eight, ten minutes or something because we did the performance then we did an interview so it was a big big job of their show that they would have to, you know fill fill or do something different so yeah, we didn't we didn't tell Blue Peter and they weren't best pleased about it I felt like a proper pop star that day

26:18Declan Donnelly:yes, private jet I mean, what? three grand it's cheap, isn't it? it is, isn't it? it is cheap it's a bit more expensive than that well, it would nowadays, I'm sure but God, that was amazing doing that all in one day that was proper pop star It was good for us. But I wonder what it would be like if you were a fan of P.G. and Duncan back then. You know? Like, you see us at a road show, then you go home, you get to see us on telly. Oh, yes. I've actually, I've actually, in my drawer behind us, I've got a diary. I don't have a jingle. Is this your diary? It's not my diary. It's a diary from one of our viewers who was there on the day.

26:57Declan Donnelly:In Scotland? So it is the same day. No. 7th of April 1994. Thursday. the 7th of April 1994. Who is this? This is Lorna. Thank you, Lorna. Shall I read? I haven't read this beforehand. Okay. I thought I'd just do it on the pod. Oh my God! Exclamation mark. Today was so good, yet so bad at the same time.

27:24Ant McPartlin:Did she read the Just 17 review as well?

27:26Declan Donnelly:Maybe. We'll get to that. We got through to Edinburgh so early so we could be right at the front which we were. Dec looked totally gorge. He was so cute when he was dancing I can't actually believe how close I was to him. Breathing the same air. Fan me down. I was dying. Dying. Dying is in capital L. Fan me down. I'm going to use that. This is my diary by the way. I caught his eye at the end and waved our banner and he flashed me a giant cheeser. Highlight of my life. He's very good at giant cheesers, Dickies. It was so adorable. I was screaming so much. I now have no voice. In brackets, and my mum says, I'm so immature.

28:19Declan Donnelly:Like I care. Honestly, it was so good. They are, they are, I'm involved now. You're in it. Now, thanks, Laura. They are amazing on stage. I swear it was the best day ever until we realised I can't even hardly bear to write this. Oh, God, I'm afraid of it. What? What happened? What happened? There was no film in the camera.

28:52Declan Donnelly:We had no film in the camera! Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. We took so many photos of death looking like a total mega bonk.

29:06Declan Donnelly:And now I have nothing. I have nothing. I feel so bad. It's my fault and I don't think Lucy will ever forgive me. I will never forgive myself. She's done with her faces where you do unhappy mouth. I will never. be as close to them again, knowing my look. He did look gorge, though. I know. I will love him for the rest of my life. Lorna. Oh, my God, Lorna. That.

29:44Ant McPartlin:That was close for Lorna.

29:46Declan Donnelly:God almighty. That was, that was epic. That is amazing. If there's any more, Lorna, we want to hear it. Because if we can tally them up with your dynamic. Yes. Then that would be really good. But if anybody else got any more diary entries, that kind of tally with Dex Diary. Where are we up to? April the 7th. So anything from April the 7th onwards, we will happily read them out on the pod. But thank you, Lorna, for sending this in. That has made the show for me today. Oh, that is amazing, Lorna. I mean, I thought that was a great day.

30:16Ant McPartlin:That was a good day. But seeing from the other side. From the other angle.

30:19Declan Donnelly:No filming the camera, though. God, you mega bunk.

30:26Declan Donnelly:Oh, Lorna.

30:27Ant McPartlin:You ever recall the Megabonk before? Never. Really? Not to my knowledge.

30:30Declan Donnelly:Yeah, well, not even the current Mr. Donnelly, eh? No, definitely not. What a shame. Well, Lorna, thank you very much. I'll pop that back. I shouldn't read the rest of her diary, should I? Yeah. No, no, but she just highlighted that passage. That would be wrong of me to read that. Well, it would be wrong, but... Yeah, well, maybe later.

30:50Ant McPartlin:She never did. Maybe later. Thank you, Lorna.

30:52Declan Donnelly:Thank you, Lorna. That was amazing. That was brilliant. Anybody else have any diary entries, anything, send them in because we will happily read them out, especially if it's around this era. It doesn't even have to be that day. If it's around the era, you come to see us in concert or you come to see us at a road show or whatever, let us know because we'd like to hear from your point of view. Yeah.

31:08Ant McPartlin:And if any of you wrote anything about Ant, please do send that in. We'd love to hear some stuff about him as well.

31:17Ant McPartlin:This podcast is brought to you by Gemini, Google's personal AI assistant.

31:24Declan Donnelly:It's late again, As per, isn't he? He's always late.

31:28Ant McPartlin:You started this bit yet? Not yet.

31:31Declan Donnelly:Are we on? Well, we're on now. Now you've turned up. Why are you always late? I'm on time, aren't I? You're not. You're late. You're always late. I'm going to ask Gemini. Gemini, can you give me some radical ideas on how to stop my friend being late?

31:48Ant McPartlin:Perhaps orchestrating a surprise intervention with all your friends to highlight the impact.

31:53Declan Donnelly:Gemini, yes. Your ideas are fantastic. Can I speak to Gemini for a moment? Yes, you can.

31:58Ant McPartlin:Hi, Gemini. Deck here. Could you give me some believable excuses for why I am a few minutes late quite a lot of the time, please? Certainly, Deck. You could try saying perhaps a bizarre traffic delay caused by something unexpected, like a public performance in the middle of the road. That's great. Are those the kind of things you're thinking of? Yes, absolutely spot on. Thanks, Gemini. Thanks, Gemini. With Gemini, you can chat live with a truly helpful AI assistant. You jump in, brainstorm ideas, ask for more details, or even show it what you're talking about by sharing your screen or camera as well.

32:40Ant McPartlin:It's there for a real chat, not just a quick question and done.

32:44Declan Donnelly:Download the Gemini app today to unlock the power of Google AI on your phone. Check responses, setup required, compatibility and availability varies. 18 plus.

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33:59Declan Donnelly:So I started The Last Frontier. Yes. And I rated it with bananas. Yes. And you rated the first ep. I rated the first ep. And we're going to keep a watchful eye on it. We were. I'm up to episode six now. So I think I can give it a really good banana rating. I've not finished the series, which would give it the best for banana rating, but I'm a couple of episodes from the end. You think you've got the gist of it? You think you've got the measure of it? I've definitely got the gist of it. Yeah. I mean, it is what it is. A plane full of convicts lands in the frozen tundra and the convicts escape and you've got to hunt down the convicts.

34:35Declan Donnelly:And every episode basically is hunting down a different convict, essentially, with an overarching narrative.

34:42Ant McPartlin:You sound less enthusiastic today about it than you did last week. Yes. There's a very good reason for that, because I am.

34:49Declan Donnelly:No, it's okay. But do you know what it is? What I find with a lot of American dramas is you get to like episode three, four, and you go, this is great, great, great. And you go, oh, that's a bit of a filler. Oh, yeah. That was a bit of a filler. You do that a lot. But then they have another great episode. But it's, you know, me and the missus watch it and we enjoy it and it's, you kind of know what it is. In between your kissing? In between my kissing, yeah. Well, sometimes we kiss whilst it's on. Oh my. I know, I mean, I missed half of it. But it's not bad. It's not bad. So I'll give it its official banana rating at the end.

35:24But I would say it's probably about five, six, six.

35:28Declan Donnelly:This is good.

35:29Ant McPartlin:Six out of eight. So banana ratings, we saw caught on last week. Has there been any updates on more banana ratings out and about in real life? There have. People have got the memo. Good. This is our podcast on the Apple Podcasts review. So hang on, our podcast on the Apple platform is now being rated in bananas. How ironic. Brilliant. I love it. Here we've got one from MacD one week ago. What a fab podcast. You pair hilarious bounce off each other so well and great to see you relaxed while having a chat and not scripted. Ten bananas given by MacD there. Thank you, MacD. Not allowed though.

36:02Declan Donnelly:Not allowed. Eight bananas. Absolutely hilarious. Eight bananas. So eight out of eight. Respect, guys. It says Mrs. B. Okay, always makes me smile. Ten out of ten bananas. Oh, we can't. You can't keep giving us ten out of ten. Remember, the maximum is eight. Remember, the maximum is eight because the most bananas eaten in the world record attempt was eight bananas. Until the world record goes up to nine bananas or ten bananas, we can only give what the world record attempt is.

36:30Ant McPartlin:Which Ant will be doing in the next week or so. What?

36:34Declan Donnelly:No, no, no. No, no, no. Training not going well? I think we should get through the summer break, right? And then I'll spend my time in the summer eating bananas. Training. Training. Warm weather training. Come back in warm weather training. And I'll come back in the autumn and give it another good go. Or get willy nilly back in. Get willy nilly back in. Yes, definitely.

36:53Ant McPartlin:But that is brilliant. Thank you for all of your banana ratings on different platforms. That really makes us smile. We should get some banana merch. I love bananas

37:01Declan Donnelly:you like eggs so some sweatshirts or hoodies with bananas on and some and eggs on the back or bananas one banana and one egg or two eggs and a banana in the middle so it looks like a penis no too much too much too much now Jamie I'll be back on another paper plane this is from Emma

37:21Ant McPartlin:and Moffy hi Ant and Dec hi Emma and Moffy my 11 year old daughter made this card for Mother's Day a few weeks back it's possibly the best card ever Love the show Respect guys With a comma Emma and Moffy

37:33Declan Donnelly:Oh I think it is The best code ever So if you're Just listening It is A hand drawn Image of me and Dex Sat around the Hanging out set Sat around the table With the screen In the background And it says on the bottom I rate you And eat bananas

37:48Ant McPartlin:Oh that is really cute Happy Mother's Day I rate you Eight bananas

37:52Declan Donnelly:So mothers Have been rated In bananas That is the ultimate That is the ultimate It's the ultimate Can you beat that? See if you can beat that. Rating mothers in bananas. That is pretty good. I mean, she got eight bananas, so she must be a very good mother. Where do we go from there? I don't know. Wedding vows? Yeah, maybe wedding vows.

38:12Ant McPartlin:Oh, that is really cute. Thank you. Keep rating bananas and send them in to us. We love seeing your bananas. What? Out there in the real world.

38:23Declan Donnelly:So I was thinking, I walked past the tattoo shop the other day and I'm getting that feeling. Are you? I want another one. Itchy skin. I'm getting a bit, ooh, itchy.

38:30Ant McPartlin:Give me a tattoo. Well, we didn't have time to go through them last week. We didn't. So let's go through a few. We've had some in. That's terrible shot today. Plains this week, Jemima.

38:39Declan Donnelly:And your mum and dad will be listening to this. Yes. And they'll watch this. So. We've got some tattoos here. Yeah. For those that don't know, I am going to get the tattoo that we all choose on my pod permanently six months into the pod, which is, we're saying June. About June, about June-ish.

38:59Ant McPartlin:Summertime. Summertime. I'll get the tattoo. To celebrate being on air with a podcast.

39:04Declan Donnelly:And it's going to get... Was it to celebrate? Wasn't that the reason?

39:07Ant McPartlin:Laura has sent in a design. So there's a lot to unpack here. Right. This is pretty good. It incorporates the Time Bridge. Yeah, I can see that. The Angel of the North to represent your Newcastle roots. The Boomerang is for your time spent in Australia. The Scorpion for your star sign. And some astrology for when you join the local astrology club.

39:27Declan Donnelly:Oh, yeah. You said that. I said I would join the local astrology club.

39:30Ant McPartlin:I like it. I like that too. That's pretty good. It's very good. There's a lot of thought and artistic endeavour gone into that. So that's good. Yep. I thought we need to move this on a little bit. What do you mean? So I thought if we get a cardboard cutout of you, we can start putting these on the body to see how they look. Okay. Right? Just hang on one sec.

39:53Declan Donnelly:What do you mean you've got a cardboard cutout of me? Oh, God. I know this is the one where my head fell off. Someone knocked my head off. So there's two on there already.

40:02Ant McPartlin:Yes.

40:03Declan Donnelly:So they're not going to be necessarily where they would be on my body? Or is this what you're thinking? Ah, that's definitely an arm tattoo. That looks good there.

40:12Ant McPartlin:We pinned Laura up there.

40:13Declan Donnelly:We pinned Laura's boomerang, Angel of the North boomerang, on the right arm. I like that a lot. I like that a lot. That's pretty good. That's top of the list. Well done, Laura. Laura, you're number one right now.

40:26Ant McPartlin:Number one, baby. Well, number eight. Got one from Jamie. Now, this is just an idea. We've got no sketch for this one. So we'll have to imagine this. That's disappointing. It is, rather.

40:34Declan Donnelly:That's a worry. So who's going to sketch this out?

40:36Ant McPartlin:The tattoo artist? I can't see you go to number one with this, Jamie, but... Go on. But we can maybe all sketch this. Well, I suppose it all depends on your description, how well you sell it.

40:44Declan Donnelly:So sell it. If, and it's a big if,

40:48Ant McPartlin:Dec can and does grow a beard, then Ant should get a tattoo of Dec's face on a hairy part of his body to commemorate Dec's success. That way, Ant will be forever reminded that death can grow a beard.

41:04Declan Donnelly:I mean, what hairy part of your body? Huh? Under the armpit? Under the armpit, I think that's what we're thinking. Is that what I meant? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. But then I have to get your face on my body. Yes. Forever.

41:19Ant McPartlin:Why would you be against getting such a mega bonk on your body?

41:23Declan Donnelly:Maybe I could get the word mega bonk. I know but then I have to get Dexter Megabonk because then people might think I'm the Megabonk

41:29Ant McPartlin:you don't want to be seen and blow your own trumpet do you? no no Alexandra a quick thought on that tattoo

41:35Declan Donnelly:oh hold on let me move my decapitated it's got to be bananas right? eight bananas look at that and their thumbs that's good I don't have a banana tattoo four different three different bunches three big bunch of bananas some of bananas are thumbs some are fingers and some are bananas if that's clear to you then try and make it make sense to me. It is like an optical illusion. Yeah, it's weird. That looks like it's somebody's tattoo already. It just looks like it's on skin. No, but look, I can see hair to the right of the screen.

42:06Ant McPartlin:Oh, yeah.

42:07Declan Donnelly:Where is the hair? That's very small, curly hair.

42:12Ant McPartlin:Where is this hair? That's an inner thigh tattoo. Oh, my God.

42:16Declan Donnelly:It is an inner thigh. It is. So somebody's penis or vagina. has been rated eight bananas by themselves. I presume. Well, there's only one place this has to go.

42:31Ant McPartlin:Is that in a thigh? Eight bananas in your inner thigh? Yeah, yeah.

42:34Declan Donnelly:Eight bananas in the other thigh.

42:38Ant McPartlin:That's good. Right, we like that. Alexandra, I think you've shot straight in at number two. Number two. Jeff has sent one. Jeff! You can't see, man! Well. I'm blind! That's exactly what he sent. He can't hear, man.

42:53Declan Donnelly:Oh my God, that's very clever. Man, he cannae hear, man. Man, he cannae hear, man. And goes behind me left ear.

43:00Ant McPartlin:Yeah.

43:00Declan Donnelly:That's very topical. Very topical. It might not be so topical, hopefully, in a couple of months when I can't hear. So I don't know if I want that. Thank you very much. Who was that by? Jeff. Jeff, of course. Jeff, man. He cannae hear, man.

43:12Ant McPartlin:Thank you, Jeff. Well done, Jeff. Last one is from Jordan. As you both love golf, how about using Ant's belly button as the hole? what

43:22Declan Donnelly:nobody wants to have a little flag he likes it though he likes it I was disgusted by until I saw the image you've got a flag coming out of my belly button with 18 on so it's like the 18th hole and you've got a golfer hitting a golf ball into the belly button I like it it's got number one on me it's funny that joke will never tire no you wouldn't tire of that joke every time I look in the mirror I'd find it funny the kids would find it funny while they will find it funny to start with, get embarrassed, then find it funny again when he's in his 20s. Great conversation starter. My girls would just love this.

43:55Declan Donnelly:They would love it. Great conversation starter. Nothing embarrassing about that. Good to break the ice. Yeah. And it proves I like golf. Yeah, because it was a doubt. It was a doubt how much I love golf. Okay, third, maybe third. Okay, I'll sit that on the belly. That's pretty good. I think we are shaping up quite nicely here

44:13Ant McPartlin:with some lovely golf ideas. We are. Thanks for all of your correspondence this week. We have been seeing where you've been watching the show and how you're watching the show, watching or listening. And we've got a few more this week that people will be sending. We've got Kelly's Telly, which is the benchmark. We've got a message here. It says, I can confirm Kelly's Telly is a 75-inch 8K one. I'm the one holding the baby, Mia, who also enjoys watching. I did not know Kelly was taking a photo. I would have sat up and breathed in. Respect, guys. respect Chris Chris so is Chris Kelly's partner yeah amazing 75 inch

44:50Declan Donnelly:I'm sure there's bigger tellies on if you can take a photo of yourself watching the telly and you've got a bigger one than Kelly's telly then please send a photo in and because we'd love to see it

45:00Ant McPartlin:Kelly's telly is the one to be Lisa sent one in here with her little some sort of doodle

45:05Declan Donnelly:aww a little doodly dog like a little doodly multi poodle baby Jess is watching the show aww on just a normal plasma there normal size

45:14Ant McPartlin:baby Jesse will have a lovely first birthday cake an aunt and debt cake a celebrity cake maybe big with the kids and Cat who is also funnily enough a cat is watching the show

45:28Declan Donnelly:as well if you can see that image I don't think the cat is watching the show if you look closely the cat is watching the

45:35Ant McPartlin:it's looking

45:36Declan Donnelly:what game to play on the Playstation it's looking at the Playstation games it's not it is it's not looking at the telly so I appreciate that cat

45:44Ant McPartlin:thank you for all your photographs showing us how you watch the show or listen as well if you just listen if you listen while you're on a nice walk in the morning send us a picture of you on your walk just send us pictures we like seeing it in your lives we love it we like spying and remember we're going to come and stay with one of you at some point if you've got an en suite and remember we're going to come and stay with the loser

46:07Declan Donnelly:the winner gets the merch but the loser gets us staying at their house for a night

46:11Ant McPartlin:but you must have an en suite and a fluffy robe.

46:14Declan Donnelly:Any letters this week?

46:15Ant McPartlin:We've had tons. Come on then, bring them in. Should I get them out? Yes, please. I'll get the post bag.

46:18Declan Donnelly:And here's the jingle for the post bag. Still don't have one.

46:21Ant McPartlin:We haven't got one.

46:22Declan Donnelly:We could do with a jingle for the post bag. Have you got any post bag jingles hanging around? If you're Jemima's parents, you're free to write one and sing one because you're very good. I'll start, shall I? Subject, Tooth Fairy correspondence.

46:34Ant McPartlin:Oh, what's the going rate for your Tooth Fairy? That's what we were asking. My Tooth Fairy brings a pound. A pound.

46:41Declan Donnelly:£500 is just ridiculous. Yes. But, Dec, I'm afraid to say I don't think your tooth fairy has heard of inflation. I got£1 in the 90s for a tooth. Just checked. It should be sitting around£3 per tooth. But also, I think your tooth fairy has been slacking on tooth fairy training as the two front teeth are always the most expensive. Are they? I didn't know that. I did not know that. So please ensure Isla is reimbursed appropriately. So you're going to have to speak to your tooth fairy about this. I'm going to have to, yeah. By a little note, to adjust to inflation, it's three pound per tooth, but the front teeth should probably be a fiver.

47:19Declan Donnelly:Fiver? Yeah, yeah, well, that's what she's saying. She can commentate this wisdom tooth if she wants. It's killing. Well, how much would you expect for that? Oh, 20 quid? 20 quid, at least. Yeah, you see, there you go then. So I think Isla, I agree with Connie, Isla does need to be reimbursed. I've got more tooth fairy correspondence. Oh, good. This is from Joanna. I told my friend's daughter that the tooth fairies have to carry five pound notes due to health and safety because the pound coins were too heavy for their little wings. I was very popular with my friend. Who said that? Joanna. Joanna.

47:48Ant McPartlin:Stop getting involved, Joanna. Yeah, Joanna. You don't need to get involved in this. It's none of your business.

47:53Declan Donnelly:Keep it coming in though. This is good to know. Yeah.

47:55Ant McPartlin:Good to know what your tooth fairies are dishing out. This is from Danny. Hi, Danny. I need to confess something. And I fear I may now be banned from ever owning fish again. What? I'm intrigued. I'm in. I once had four fish. Naturally, they were called PJ, Duncan, Ant and Deck. Match. Now, Duncan and Deck were sweet, timid little souls. Of course they were. Of course they were. Here we go. The kind that politely minded their own business. Yeah, of course. Gently floated about the tank. PJ and Ant, however, were absolute thugs. I like these fish. They started running the tank like a dodgy nightclub bouncer duo.

48:41Ant McPartlin:Poor Duncan and Deck didn't stand a chance. They did not. PJ and Ant would literally ram them against the glass like underwater hooligans. One morning I woke up and found poor Duncan had passed away. Deck traumatised spent most of his time hiding in his shell oh what shell shell? hiding in his little shell like he'd entered witness protection but then tragedy struck again what? PJ and Ant finished off poor Deck in the same fashion bet he deserves it that is not how you behave as fish

49:21Declan Donnelly:why are you looking at me? it's not me is it?

49:23Ant McPartlin:well

49:24Declan Donnelly:It's not me in fish form.

49:25Ant McPartlin:Spirit. Spirit guides. Spirit fish.

49:28Declan Donnelly:Spirit guides. Spirit animals. Spirit fish. Spirit fish. Nah, I'm not having it. It's law of the jungle, isn't it? They weren't in the jungle. They were in a fish tank. Well, law of the fish tank then. In Levington's farm. Doggy dog. They're fish. Kill or be killed. Law of the jungle. You know? Only the strongest survive and all that. And the strongest, as always, were the PJs, not the Duncans.

49:52Ant McPartlin:Right, time for one more. Hi, Ant and Dec. You asked anyone who went to see you guys tour to get in touch. We did. So here I am. I literally said it earlier in this podcast. She was quick. Wow, she's clever, isn't she? Well done, Kat, you're quick. Whenever anyone asks me what my first concert was, I have to answer Ant and Dec. It was 1995 and my parents bought me and my friends tickets to celebrate my 13th birthday. The best thing about this story, though, was when my bum went... My bum? my bum so I've got a bit of a cold the best thing about this story though was when my mum ah okay that makes more sense

50:33Declan Donnelly:that's gonna be a diarrhoea letter or something when my mum went what?

50:39Ant McPartlin:I'm so sorry was when my mum went to buy the tickets

50:47Declan Donnelly:because her bum couldn't have bought tickets Oh, gee, I'm held them. Where'd she keep the money? Oh, God. Okay. Right.

50:59Ant McPartlin:The best thing about this story... I can't concentrate.

51:01Declan Donnelly:I've just got visions of a bum buying tickets where the bum keeps the money, where the bum puts the change, and how the bum hands out the tickets.

51:12Ant McPartlin:The best thing about this story, though, was when my mum went to buy the tickets, she turned over to the box office and there was a massive queue. A little taken aback, she waited in the queue for a few hours to get the tickets. To buy tickets for PJ and Duncan? What a fool. So she gets to the front of the queue only to find out that Oasis tickets had gone on sale that day and that's the queue she'd been in. Apparently, she could have gone straight to the other window for your tickets. Also, as much as I love you both, I don't think I'll ever really forgive the fact that she could have just bought me Oasis tickets instead.

51:47Ant McPartlin:Respect, guys. Kat. so thanks Kat a little bit of a dig at the end that was quite unnecessary yeah a little bit of a dig not needed not needed

51:53Declan Donnelly:well thank you Kat and thanks to your mum's bum for getting the tickets oh goodness me oh there you go there you go what a way to finish it I think that's all we've got time for that is all we've got time for that was very very good loved that today what a laugh

52:10Ant McPartlin:it was really good crack a bit like Kat's mum's bum a bit like her mum's bum we'll be back on Monday Monday with another episode until then though respect guys see you soon bye ta-da ta-da