DELETED SCENES: Ant & Dec’s Huge Dump!

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2:18Declan Donnelly:So I found a tiny little corner shop. A little newsagent. A little newsagent. And... Oh, look at these, guys. Look at these. So I brought some in. Wheat crunchies. Spicy tomato ones. Not nice and spicy. Two bags of frazzles you got. Roysters. Do you remember bubble and bubbled chips? Do you remember them? T-bone steak flavour? What should we start with? Skips. I've had skips for probably 19 years. 19 years? What, do you want me to open the bag like or something? Yes, please. They were in front of you, so I don't know why you didn't open the bag. You opened them and feed me for these. I'll empty the bag like that and cast them in your mouth.

2:55Declan Donnelly:Now, go on. Come on. Look at these. So apparently what's the technique there, girls? Let's let them melt on your tongue. Do what? Too late. Too late. Well, come on, my mouth's watering too much. Why is it not getting knick-knacks? No, I didn't. Vegas got me choosers. This was... I only had a fiver. Are you allowed to spend on these? It's a necessity. Oh, OK. And I bought you a present. I'm allowed to buy presents. Are they tax deductible because it's for the podcast? Yeah, exactly that. I used the company credit card. Oh, Space Raiders. You like them? They're great. Now, how do you eat the Space Raiders?

3:34Declan Donnelly:They pop it in my mouth and chew. Yeah, see, it's not big enough to do anything other than go, it's an alien. Did you use the alien voices before you put them in your mouth? Absolutely not. Did you not? Don't eat me. We come in peace. No, I didn't mean to do that. Never did that. No, I just did. And I don't think I'll start now. Do you know what would be nice after these? A refresher. Do you remember those yellow refreshers? Yeah, we should be washing this down with Tizer. What's next? What should we try next? A frazzle? Let's have a little frazzle. I love frazzles. Did you ever put frazzles in some bread and butter and pretend you're having a bacon sandwich?

4:12No. Me neither.

4:16Declan Donnelly:Do you like a crisp sandwich? Yeah. What's your flavour of crisp? Cheese and onion. Cheese and onion. Is it cheese and onion for everything? Yes. For anything? If you were to take a bag of crisps on an aeroplane? Cheese and onion. A bag of crisps in the cinema? Cheese and onion. Would you eat a bag of crisps at a wake? Yes, but salt and vinegar. Don't be disrespectful. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that would be disrespectful. My favourite cheese and onion crisps on Marks and Spencer's, mature cheddar and spring onion. Mmm. He's gone posh, hasn't he? Check them out. I'll tell you what we should have had after this as well.

4:58Declan Donnelly:Do you remember Choco Dab? I used to get the breadstick and then used to get a bit of chocolate. Yeah. You used to dip the breadstick in. Do they still sell them? Yeah, probably. Do they? Do they? Yeah. How do you know for sure? Because we're saying this on the telly, so. It's got to be factually correct otherwise. Off-com will be down on our backs. Like a ton of bricks. Because I said very confidently a few months ago to a friend that topics were still a thing. Oh, yeah, they're not. They're not. But I went online and said, can I buy topics? And I could still buy them. Imagine how old those topics are.

5:31Declan Donnelly:Where is he selling them from? His garage. Oh, no. He's locked up. He's selling them from his locked up. You don't want to go off topic. Don't, don't, don't laugh at him. Please don't laugh at him. Off topic. Yeah, no, we get it. We get it, we get it, we get it. We get it. That's enough. We get it. They're really good, actually. Are they? Tomato wheat crunchies, yeah. Tomato wheat crunchies. They're really tangy. Did you used to try and suck up anything with your wheat crunchies? Did you? What? You didn't? Like soup, cup of soup. Get a cup of soup or tomato soup, get a wheat crunchie, and then...

6:07Declan Donnelly:Well, this is a great pod, isn't it? We'll be back on Thursday. Oh, no, sorry. We've still got more for you, actually. Yeah, we're going to show you bits today that we never get a chance to show on the normal pod. Letters, bits of chat, loads of stuff, really. It's a bit of a best of, catch all, bit of a dump. Don't call it a dump. But it's a dump of all the stuff we haven't had time for. A dump, like a turd. This is a turd of a pod. It's a dump of all the stuff. We're just about to curl out this podcast. What are you starting it? It's a content dump No don't say the word dump It's just like It's really good bits That you haven't had a chance to see Because the other episodes Have been too busy Okay Unseen bits of the I think a dump is catchier It's not It's like saying turd He's the turd He's the turd pod Turd pod

7:03That's just a toilet A turd pod What did you do The turd pod

7:07Declan Donnelly:The turn pod makes me think of a portaloo. I'm off to the turn pod. Because that's like a pod, isn't it? Yeah, it is, yeah. Well, on that note... On that note, funny dumps. Here are some unseen bits from the last few weeks, bits we haven't fit into the podcast. Here it is. Imagine if people are having a dump while watching our dump. That would be ironic. How fitting. Enjoy the dump.

7:31Declan Donnelly:Hello! It starts like that. Hello. Nice. Yeah, that's it. I had an attack of nostalgia recently. Oh, poor you. Hope I cleaned up quickly. Hope you're okay. And bought a book from my childhood off eBay. I burst out laughing when I opened it. Sorry, Dec. Respect, guys. Chrissy. Oh, that is charming. That is charming. If you're just listening. That is wonderful. It's the SMTV Live annual. It's got a lovely picture of Ant on the left. Cat is in the middle. and I think it's me on the right, but there's a massive sticker over my face saying great value, one pound. It's been reduced to one pound and they've slapped the sticker right over Dex's face.

8:14That. Right over his butt cut. I think somebody meant to do that. Yeah, cool. I think somebody laughed when they did that. That's fine. He was a big fan of Ant and Cat. You could have just gone two inches lower and put it under my chin, couldn't you?

8:25Declan Donnelly:Oh, even just in the middle, there's loads of space down the bottom where it says, it's wicked. Yeah, just put it there. Put it on there, because that's not really telling you much other than it's wicked, which of course the SMTV book was wicked. Yeah, that's good. I like that. If you've seen any other merch from ours in the past in bookshops, any other stores. Any bargain bins. Any bargain bins. Send us pictures. It's funny. I like it. Good one. We like that. Thank you, Chrissy. Respect to you, guys. Hi, Ant. Hi, Dec. Hi. I'm a psychology teacher, but teach a bit of maths and other things on the side where needed.

9:03Okay. Did you know you guys are featured in a GCSE maths question? No. They use Newcastle in homage to you two and even spell your name correctly with the H ant. So they did. It's on the screen. I've attached the question. Let's see how you fare. Don't forget to explain your workings for extra marks. Respect, guys, Jem. P.S. I've also recently found out I'm going to be a dad for the first time and listening to you two talk about fatherhood a few episodes ago was lovely and makes me excited for what is to come. Oh, that's nice. Congratulations, Jem. You've got a lot of Jem. Good luck. It's brilliant, man.

9:37Right. Anthony travels from Newcastle to Manchester at an average speed of 65 miles per hour. The journey takes him two hours and 15 minutes. Declan makes the same journey in two hours and 35 minutes. Work out Declan's average speed for the journey.

9:52Declan Donnelly:No, no, no, no. So. No. Just no. What? Why do we, we don't have to do this. We don't have to do it. I don't want to do it this is like getting on a plane and opening your Sudoku oh my god this is like everything I hate about life oh I love this this was the kind of thing that I hated at school and couldn't wait to be out of school so I didn't have to do it again so when I'm doing stuff like a podcast which I enjoy meeting up with friends I feel like I've escaped that classroom life I'm not going to sit here and do this just in my own free time you're doing it aren't you as I'm talking you're actually doing it you're trying to figuring out who cares the answer to this is can we write on there who cares i don't care b if definitely took different roles than anthony how could this affect your answer to part a don't care don't care and i apologize and i'm sorry to anyone who's had to answer this question in real life in their gcse's or in their maths uh classrooms over the years because this wasn't our doing so if you've cursed us over the years because this is a difficult question to answer then I do apologise.

11:04Declan Donnelly:And now can we all move on and get this question out of our lives? I just can't get it. There's a part of my brain that doesn't enjoy this so it shuts down. I'm the exact same. Yeah, do you know what I mean, Lola? I see numbers and it just goes... Yeah, my brain just goes, no, does not compute. No, thank you. Where are the donuts? Oh God, he's gone. He's fallen out. You're not allowed to use a calculator. You're not allowed. Who says? Doesn't say in the bracket say you're allowed to use a calculator. you have just been disqualified from this exam the adjudicator has escorted you out of the classroom and you've failed your JCCs and your mum is very disappointed and now you have to leave back your girlfriend

11:44Declan Donnelly:God guys let's get on with it this is so dull should we tell you the answer? yeah go on go on later 56.6 miles per hour there's a part 2 to the question do you want to go to part 2? no thank you Declan thanks for that Gem neither of us could do it Oh my God. Thanks for that, Gem. Absolutely mind-numbly boring. Never send us in anything like that ever again. Well, good luck with the baby. Hello. Hello. It's not to anyone, just hello. Just hello. When you have to hire people to help out with jobs in everyday life, for example, plumber, removals, painter, etc. Are the workers suspicious? They're on an in-your-ear skit.

12:27Declan Donnelly:kind regards Gemma Quinn very good question great question yes they are yep that does happen we've had it before where we I'll tell you where it happened we were in Blackpool and we were doing Britain's Got Talent and the hotel we stay at in Blackpool down in the basement they have Pilates and yoga classes at like 8am every morning and we're both into Pilates we like a bit of yoga so we thought yeah we'll do it we're up there for a week doing Britain's Got Talent so we'll go down so I went down first and as I went in, it was a class which was nearly full. There was two mats left and I went in and there was all ladies of like 50 plus and they're all chatting amongst each other and as I walked in, they all went quiet and everyone, it was like record scratch.

13:15Declan Donnelly:And then I walked over to my little yoga mat, sat down, started doing me a little stretching and I was just like, the silence was deafening and then slowly, and the whispering between them all. Then he walked in. Almost late. Almost late. Then all you can hear is, oh, there's a few gasps. And I was like, oh my God, I didn't expect this kind of reaction, but it wasn't until the end. So we'd done the whole class, sweating away, finished the plonies and then the woman on the mat next to you. Everybody says thank you to the yoga teacher. Thank you. Thank you. And then it all went quiet again. And the woman next to me went, I'm sorry, but are we just going to all pretend this is normal

13:59Declan Donnelly:and afterwards we spoke to them so we've done it quite a few times and they all said they thought they were involved in an in your ear sketch and it was an hour long class of yoga yeah like they're all thinking oh so it got us thinking most people must think that when we're together definitely that must be some kind of in your ear we've got a couple of jokes jokes yeah I wasn't expecting jokes. Yeah. Do you want the first one? Yes, please. Can we try and guess the answer? Knock, knock. Who's there? I'd like Ant to answer. Who's there? To. To who? It's actually to whom? Oh, my God. Shut up. It's actually to whom?

14:48Declan Donnelly:Oh, God. Another one. Another one. OK, OK. What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate? I don't know what happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate. The noun declined. Cool. What's the difference between a cat and a comma? I don't know, Jemima. What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a paws at the end of the claws. Oh, shit. And you genuinely find that funny? Do you? Do you? Yeah, you do. Look at you, you're laughing. That's the most... Laura's pretending she knows what it means, but she's on my mental wavelength.

15:32Declan Donnelly:That is the most... She's as dumb as me. Jemima laughed since we started this. I know. That's highbrow. She's very highbrow, Jemima. Have you got any grammar jokes? Get them into us. Address to one. Please do not do that. Hang on at Butlerbox.com. Nope.

15:52Declan Donnelly:Dear Aunt Dec and team Hi team Hi Hi Hiya Hiya I recently found my memory box With a lot of P.G. and Duncan cuttings Including this magazine article About Dec's teenage bedroom Ha ha ha Okay The flyer for the now roadshow At Stockton Mall Was where I met my best friend Sarah It all started with Do you like PJ and Duncan? Well, I'm 46 and I've been best friends for the last 32 years. And like you both, I don't know what I would do without her. So thank you both for that. We now plan a night together to reminisce and go through the box. Respect, guys. Leanne, listening, watching in Teesside. P.S., has Dex still got Dez the bonsai tree?

16:39Declan Donnelly:I've attached the feature in Sugar Magazine. Let's have a look. So, talk to me about this. This is not my bedroom. Yeah, but I don't recognise the room at all. I don't either. I have to have a look at this. Did you have a bonsai tree? I did not. What about the Stephen King books? They were mine, but I read them when we were on the road. Can you play the keyboard? I cannot. Can you play the guitar? A tiny bit. Do you use bro cream? I used to. That is not my lava lamp. Do you use weights like that? I used to. Let me read a couple of the quotes. Dex says, I don't get to spend much time in this room anymore, but it's where I relax and mellow out.

17:26Declan Donnelly:I only wish it always looked this tiny. Do you recognise those curtains? I do not. I think we faked this. I think we faked it. Did we? We must have done. Now, let me tell you a story. So I remember when we started out, we were doing some press in Germany and there was a big magazine in Germany called Bravo. Yes. And they wanted to do an at home with And in Deck or PG and Duncan and come and visit our flat. We didn't have a flat. We didn't share a flat. So we had to make one up and found us a flat. With my mum's boyfriend's flat at the time. So we kind of dressed it up. But even that doesn't look like that flat.

18:09Declan Donnelly:I don't think. Did you used to wear Eternity, Calvin Klein? Yes, I did. Oh, so some of the facts are correct. Yeah, I think some of the facts are correct. That is not my bedroom, though. What a swizz. That's showbiz, huh? I don't even remember that. All smoke and mirrors. It's all made up. Can't believe any of them. Got one here. From Hannah. Hi, Hannah. Hi, guys. I'm absolutely loving the pod. Good. My question to you is, after watching Deck Fangirl over Bill Nighy, I'd love to know if there are any other famous faces that bring the fangirls out in you. Respect, guys. Hannah. I'll tell you who we've met a couple of times who is a huge hero to us and was just amazing when we met him was Paul McCartney.

18:54Declan Donnelly:Yes. Oh my goodness. He was just, it's just the best. Very tall, isn't he? He is tall. Taller than you think. Yeah, much taller than you think. We met him, we beat the same a couple of times. We beat the same in Australia on tour when he played Brisbane and we went out to see him. So he found out we were there and invited us backstage before the gig to go and meet him. Oh my God. And there was another time when yesterday. All my troubles seem so far away. Yesterday is the most played song on the radio of all time. So PRS, the company that collects all of the kind of royalties for artists, got in touch with us and said, we want to present Paul McCartney with a plaque, basically that says yesterday is the most played song of all time on the radio.

19:35Declan Donnelly:And we would like you to present it to him. And we're like, us, out of everyone that could present it, us. And of course, we jumped at the idea and they said, he's on his way to play the O2. So we'd like you to be waiting backstage. And then as he passes to go to the stage, hand him it. He'd be thrilled to you too. He loves you guys. So we were really flattered. So he walked around the corner. We're there at the O2. We've got this big plaque. And he goes, I'm not accepting this off you two Geordies. And then walked away. And I went, only joking, the prankster. Because he was a Beatle. and they're like the biggest band in the world.

20:12He's just legendary. He doesn't get bigger than that. No. He's, when you meet somebody like that, it's like meeting the Queen. Yeah, it is. You know, somebody who's been famous all over the world for all of your life. Yeah. Meeting someone like that is so mad. It's mind-blowing. Loved it.

20:33Okay. Hi, Ant and Dec. I've been losing sleep over something important. Well, it's important to me, says Tony from Great Yarmouth. Ever been? Probably. Tony's asking. Oh, probably, Tony.

20:47Declan Donnelly:In fact, yes. On I'm a Celeb South Africa, Gemma Collins told, and you smell delicious. Oh, yeah. Now, I'm not saying I re-round it twice, but I re-round it twice. Thrice. So please, for the sake of closure, what aftershave was Ant wearing that day? If it can survive the South African heat and impress Gemma Collins, it must be powerful stuff. Looking forward to the truth. Tony in Great Yarmouth. I thought it was... Ashley, that said you smelled delicious. I think it was, Ashley. And I think my fragrance at the time would have been Loewe. Is that how you pronounce it? Loewe. Loewe. Loewe. Loewe.

21:29L-O-E-W-E. Loewe. That's what I was wearing. Spenny that. Yeah. That is funny. Or is it a present off me, wife? Loewe.

21:37Declan Donnelly:For men. Are you rolling? Loewe.

21:45So there you go. That's a little catch up on all the bits you haven't seen. Quite fun, isn't it? Watching ourselves. Yeah. Really good, isn't it? I can't remember half that stuff.

21:52Declan Donnelly:I don't remember any of it. Any of it? Not really. You weren't really listening. You were too busy crunching. We need to do a chocolate special. Next time we do a dump. Next time we do a dump. It won't be long. After all, I'm crisp. You've got a stinking smoky bacon. Cover your ears, baby John Paul. Cover your ears. Sorry. Next time we do a best of, can we do a chocolate one? And not retro chocolate, just chocolate. Next time we do a dumb, can there be a chocolate one? A chocolate log? Oh, my God, it's gone puerile. It's a very challenging episode. I expected better than this. Let's go and wash our mouths out.

22:33Yes, let's do it.