What Do Ant and Harry Styles Have In Common And WHERE Is Dec’s Beard??

5:58Ant McPartlin:Absolutely. Couldn't agree more. And that's what Santander is doing. Working hard to help customers build the confidence they need to achieve a goal that matters to them. Santander, it starts here.

6:10Declan Donnelly:I saw some comments. Oh, yes. For ones. Do you know what I saw a lot of? What? Where's Dex's beard? Dex promised that, didn't he? Yes. Didn't he? He said he was going to grow a beard because I said he couldn't grow a beard and he laughed at me. But look, like a baby's bum, that's how smoothly shaved he is, always.

6:30Ant McPartlin:I just haven't had time to grow it. You haven't been able to water it? No, it's just that I've had stuff on. Like what? Like going to things

6:40Declan Donnelly:and you want to be nicely clean shaven. Well, that's the whole point. You can't be nicely clean shaven if you're going to let it grow.

6:45Ant McPartlin:I know, but I need to find a little window. A sweet spot. A sweet spot of a week where I'm not doing anything. This week? Maybe next week. This whole thing was about you accusing me of not being able to grow a beard.

6:54Declan Donnelly:Well, I still feel like you can't grow a beard because there's been a lot of excuses. Hasn't there, though? This is not the right week. I've got things on this week. Everybody's got things on. Just let the beard grow. I've committed to a tattoo after six months just by one conversation on this podcast, which I can't really roll back from now because I've said it now. You've said it, but you're not doing it. You're not delivered on your manifesto beards.

7:23Ant McPartlin:Right, I'll do it the week after next. No! What is wrong with this week? What have you got on? I've got stuff on.

7:30Declan Donnelly:What stuff? Oh, loads of stuff. Who are you going to meet? The Pope. Like, who is that important that you need to be this cleanly shaven for? Because it's not Stephen Mulhern. No, I know. You've seen him, haven't you? No, I'm not. Who is it then? Why do you think I have to be cleanly shaven for Stephen Muller? Well, that's what I'm asking. You don't have to be cleanly shaven. What a weird thing to say. That's the only person I know that you're meeting, Stephen Muller. Does he insist that he have to be cleanly shaven? Does he? He's always quite cleanly shaven. Yeah, he can't grow a beard. Let's get Stephen on, because I don't think Stephen can grow a beard.

8:10Declan Donnelly:That is a genuine worry of mine. He's just gone.

8:16Ant McPartlin:Are you worried about Stephen's beard? Yeah, I really am.

8:20Declan Donnelly:Yeah, I am. I am. Are you? Yeah. And you want to make sure that people don't think you're one and the same. Because he's a very odd man, Stephen. You want to distance yourself from that oddness, I think.

8:31Ant McPartlin:When are you going to do it? I'll do it the week after next, I think. Right. Okay, good. Unless something comes in the diary. No! Nothing can come in that's more important. Nothing can come more important than me growing a beard. Right, just so I've got this clear. Yeah. Nothing is more important at this stage than me growing a beard. Okay. Seems that way. Obsessed. Hashtag obsessed.

8:53Declan Donnelly:Unless you get an invite to Tom and Zendaya's official wedding, then all bets are off.

9:00Ant McPartlin:Now, a lot of people are very interested in your pants. Well, okay. I've got a bit of a pants update. Oh, okay. Go on. Well, there's a lot of people who don't live in the UK who are listening, as we've seen from the listeners map. Yes. More of that later. And they are frustrated that they will probably never bump into you, therefore never find out how much your pants were. That is a genuine frustration.

9:21Declan Donnelly:It is a real frustration. Yeah, what a shame for them. What a real shame for you. I think we have to address it. Well, I'm not going to. That was the pledge. If I see you in person, I will tell you how much I paid for the pants. But if I don't see you in person, I can't.

9:36Ant McPartlin:It's not fair. So I think we need to give everybody around the world, wherever they are, the chance to find out how much were pants.

9:42Declan Donnelly:How do we do that?

9:43Ant McPartlin:So remember a couple of weeks ago, we had that letter from a listener who said,

9:46Declan Donnelly:in days gone by, you used to send a stamped addressed envelope to a TV show and maybe send an SAE.

9:52Ant McPartlin:So I was thinking, if you don't live in the UK, you could send an SAE to us here and you could... And write the figure on it. And you write the figure back and just send it back to them. Okay, I pledge.

10:03Declan Donnelly:I pledge. Will you do it? It's a new pledge. Okay. So it's an updated pledge. If you meet us in person, I'll tell you. but if you send in a stamped address envelope then I will write the figure down and send it back to you. There you go. That's my pleasure.

10:17Ant McPartlin:That's fair.

10:17Declan Donnelly:That makes me feel better. Although, bit of a pants update. Go on. So, I was swimming with Wilder on Saturday, right? By the way, how's the ear? It's not great. No. I kept my head out of the water. I'm not allowed my head under the water. Can you hear that yet? No. It's still blocked. No way. Can you believe it? Seriously? Yeah. I might actually have to go and have Gromit's put in my ear. Remember like you did when you were a kid? When you're seven, it's kind of fine. But when you're 50, it's just a bit of a surprise to hear that from your doctor. Grommets? Grommets. Yeah, yeah. Still blocked.

10:50Declan Donnelly:Lovely cheese grommet. No, not that kind of grommet. Oh, right. It's like a little round tube that they pop in. Okay. Okay. Anyway, I was in the swimming pool, head above water, and then Dad, who I knew, was there. And he sidled over to us, and he was like, you know your claim? that you are wearing the best pants in the world on your podcast? I said, yes, of course I know the claim. I said, do you want to know how much they are? He said, well, you know, you told me last time, which I did. Right. I told him the last swim in the last time.

11:20Ant McPartlin:He's very familiar.

11:20Declan Donnelly:He said, I think my pants are the best pants in the world. Now, best pants are most expensive pants. No. So the way I found my pants originally was I Googled best pants in the world. Oh.

11:35Ant McPartlin:We're getting the pants origin story now.

11:37Declan Donnelly:And that's when I found this company. And I'm going to mention the company because I think it's right. It's right to mention it.

11:43Ant McPartlin:And this is a verified purchase. You're not getting anything for free.

11:46Declan Donnelly:It's not an ad. Yeah, I'm not getting anything for free. It's a company called CDLP, right? CDLP. And that's where I got my pants from. They're great. And I believe they're the greatest pants in the world. However, this other dad says they're not. He says that he listened to Jamie Oliver on another podcast talking about pants. I don't know when this was, but anyway, he listened to it, and I don't know why he listened to Jamie Oliver above me, but he did. And he ordered the pants that Jamie Oliver said were the greatest pants in the world, and he says they are. Wow. What's Jamie Oliver getting involved for?

12:25Declan Donnelly:Well, apparently these are sacked pants, right? What? Beef with Jamie Oliver. Oh, I'd love to have beef with Jamie Oliver. No, a slow roasted beef. A slow roasted beef with Jamie Oliver, please. Yes, please. So Jamie Oliver's pants have a cupping technology. What? They cup. They cup and keep everything in the right place. They have a ball cupping technology. I shouldn't do that.

12:50Ant McPartlin:No, don't do that.

12:51Declan Donnelly:Don't do that. So this fellow dad said to me, you're wrong and I'm right. So I was like, right, the only way we can settle this is if you get me a pair of them pants, I get you a pair of my pants, we wear them, Oh, God, this is taking a real turn. I'm not wearing somebody else's pants. I'm not sure what's going on here.

13:06Ant McPartlin:They're going to be new pants. Are they, though?

13:08Declan Donnelly:Yes. He's going to tell you that. Well, I'm going to see the packaging. I'll insist on seeing the packaging. So I'll wear a pair of his pants. Not his pants. I will wear a pair of his recommended pants, the Jamie Oliver pants. He's going to wear a pair of my recommended pants. And then we'll meet again at the swimming lesson next week and we'll have it out. Well, apparently, while I was getting on really well with swimming, I don't see a lot of it. I'm talking about pants most of the time.

13:33Ant McPartlin:Oh my goodness. Yeah, so there you go. If you do live overseas, send us an essay and Ant will personally write back to you. He'll give you an update on his day. I'll find the figure. He'll tell you what he's been up to. I won't add other details. Might put on a little bit of lippy and give you a kiss on the...

13:51Declan Donnelly:No, I won't be doing any of that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've just seen the screen and if you can't see this screen behind me, they've changed it. They're hanging out with Tony Mack and Dick. I'm not a Tony. I'm not a Tony Mack. This is not going any further. All right?

14:13Ant McPartlin:I love that.

14:13Declan Donnelly:Okay? I'm not Tony. I'm not a Tony.

14:18Ant McPartlin:I am not a Tony. I don't think I've ever seen it written down before. It looks really good. I look like a radio.

14:24Declan Donnelly:I look like a local radio DJ.

14:26Ant McPartlin:And I'm your sidekick. Tony Mack and Dick. I'm your sidekick.

14:28Declan Donnelly:Hi, Tony Mack and Dick here. Counting down the hits from the 90s to noughties.

14:35Ant McPartlin:We'll be good at that, though, I reckon.

14:37Declan Donnelly:When this is all over, I'll have to do all the heavy lifting. You know, you just chip in every now and again. I just chip in with it. A bit like this. This next section is an advert for Google Gemini. Come on, bring out the map. Is that big? Is that map bigger? Is that a bigger map? Has it gone bigger? Have you just got smaller? Decks got smaller.

14:56Ant McPartlin:Right, I've got some... Help me with the map, man. Okay, man. Right, I've got a list here of where everybody is listening from.

15:04Declan Donnelly:Right, I thought I'd get Google Gemini, right? And I thought we could ask Google Gemini a question about each country where people are watching and listening from.

15:13Ant McPartlin:Good idea. Should we do that? Can I do that? He's finally had one. What a good idea. So first up, we have got new listeners in Athens in Greece. Athens in Greece. Home of the Olympics.

15:25Declan Donnelly:Yes, yes, I know. Yeah, I know that. Or you just keep telling everybody else? Have you ever been? Have I been to Athens? Yes, I think we did go to Athens. Shall I ask Gemini a question? Yes, please. What would you like to know?

15:36Ant McPartlin:How can I say hello in Greek? Or nice to meet you? Gemini, how do you say nice to meet you in Greek? You can say Harika, which is a common and neutral way to say nice to meet you. Harika is good. Harika. Harika. Harika to everybody watching in Greece. Next on the list is Cambodia. Oh, that's a good one. Really good. We've got listeners in Cambodia. Oh, there's Cambodia. No, no, Cambodia. Cambodia. Have you ever been? I haven't been to Cambodia. Me neither.

16:10Declan Donnelly:Let's have some interesting facts about Cambodia. Okay. Gemini, what language do they speak in Cambodia?

16:16Ant McPartlin:The official and most widely spoken language, Thai, Thai, Thai. Is there anything else you'd like to know about Cambodia?

16:23Declan Donnelly:Yes. Do they eat bananas in Cambodia?

16:26Ant McPartlin:Yes, bananas are quite common in Cambodia and enjoyed by many. They're used in various dishes, from desserts to sweet snacks.

16:36Declan Donnelly:Can you give me one banana-based dish?

16:39Ant McPartlin:Certainly. A popular Cambodian dessert is num-check. It's often made with bananas cooked with coconut milk and sugar wrapped in banana leaves.

16:51Declan Donnelly:Gemini, could you just pull up a recipe for that, please? I might make a Cambodian banana-based dish on Tastemates. Let's each do banana dessert on Tastemates.

17:01Ant McPartlin:We have got new listeners in Ascension Island in the South Atlantic. Amazing! Have you ever been? I've never been.

17:08Declan Donnelly:I've never been. Gemini, what is the largest bird on Ascension Island?

17:14Ant McPartlin:The largest bird on Ascension Island is the Ascension frigate bird, which has a wingspan of around two metres. Two metres? Two metres?

17:22Declan Donnelly:It's nearly as tall as you. We won't be visiting there, will we? No, we will not. We still would like to stay at some of our viewers' homes for the spin-off series.

17:31Ant McPartlin:As long as you have an en suite. Yeah, as long as you've got a toilet that we can use.

17:35Declan Donnelly:You just prefer you're on a toilet, right?

17:36Ant McPartlin:Yeah, just when you're on a toilet. Clean sheets. Yeah.

17:39Declan Donnelly:And a turndown service. Yeah, exactly. And maybe get a fresh shop in. If you don't mind.

17:45Ant McPartlin:We'll send you a list. We'll send you a rider. We'll send you a list of what we eat. Any more? We've got listeners in the Philippines. Philippines! Yay! Yay! Hi! You ever been? I haven't, have you? Yes, we have. When? When we went to the Philippines. Did we?

17:58Declan Donnelly:Yeah, we toured there. Oh, we did? Yeah. Yes. I'm thinking of holly bobs, but... I hate that word. Why did I just say it? I hate that word.

18:06Ant McPartlin:I didn't have you down as a holly bober.

18:08Declan Donnelly:I'm not. I hate that word. I didn't laugh, love. Holidays. What? Live, laugh, love. Yeah, it is.

18:14Ant McPartlin:I didn't have you down as a holly bober. I was at the start. And finally for today, back to Australia. Yes. Adelaide. Never been. Never been. Gemini, what is the scariest animal found in Adelaide? Are you thinking more about venomous or large creatures? Large. In terms of large animals, you might be thinking of marine life like sharks.

18:40Declan Donnelly:Gemini, what are the largest birds in Adelaide?

18:44Ant McPartlin:The largest birds you're likely to find in Adelaide are the powerful wedge-tailed eagles. There you go. Amazing. Thank you so much. Keep all of your locations coming in. We'll put you on the listening app just to keep a track of our reach. Come on, Mongolia. Come on. Get involved. Come on. Get involved. You'll love it. With Gemini, you can chat with a truly helpful AI assistant. You jump in, you can brainstorm ideas, ask for more details. It's cool. You can even show us what you're talking about by sharing your screen or your camera. Ah, we could do that next week. Mm. It's there for a real chat, not a quick question, and then you're done.

19:23Declan Donnelly:Download the Gemini app on your phone today to unlock the power of Google AI on your phone. Limit supply, setup required, compatibility and availability varies. 18 plus. How's your week been? It's been nice. It's been good. Do you know what? I'm full of the joys of spring. I can tell. Can you? Well, you came in with a tail on, and he is.

19:44Ant McPartlin:So, yeah. Had a nice weekend? Really nice weekend. So I went away for a couple of days. I know you did. I escaped for a couple of days, as you well know, for a golf weekend. With the lads. With the lads, which Ant would ordinarily be on. This is a golf trip that we've done every year for 20 years. It's like 20, 21 years. We've done this. And you missed it. I know. How was it? It was amazing. Was it? Oh, it was the best one we've ever done. Was it? What do you mean? No, it was brilliant. It was really good. Did you win? I came second. That's not bad. Not bad. Not bad. But I literally hadn't played golf for about six months, maybe.

20:25Ant McPartlin:Got there and didn't warm up. Didn't practice. Didn't go to the range. That's good. Just like Tiger Woods does it.

20:32Declan Donnelly:Yeah. Just like Rory McIlroy. That's what he does. Going to stick my shoes on in the car park. And you bombed it straight down the fairway.

20:38Ant McPartlin:No, I lost the first ball. And did you? Sliced it off the tee. Right. Into the trees. Lost it. Three off the tee I was on the first hole. But I got better. And then we played day two. Day two was the big competition. Yeah. You know the big competition. The Portuguese Open. We play for a trophy. But more importantly, we play to avoid a booby prize. We do. The booby prize is a framed pastel drawing of one of the members. Yeah, like crayons, like pastely crayons. Yeah. And the worst part about it is... It's not a great drawing. It's not a great drawing, but it doesn't fit in your hand luggage. No.

21:09Ant McPartlin:It's quite cumbersome. If you come last, you've got to carry it around to the next golf event. Yes. Thankfully, I managed to avoid it. I came second. Okay. I avoided the picture.

21:17Declan Donnelly:Did you win anything for coming second?

21:19Ant McPartlin:No. No. There were no prizes this year because our chairman wasn't there. Ah, who's the chairman?

21:24Declan Donnelly:That's not nice. If you're the chairman, you should be there.

21:27Ant McPartlin:To hand our prizes.

21:28Declan Donnelly:You should.

21:29Ant McPartlin:Yeah, who's the chairman again?

21:30Declan Donnelly:It's you. Oh, it's me. That's right, yeah. Sorry.

21:33Ant McPartlin:Sorry, guys. So, no prizes. No prizes. No nothing. How was your weekend? I had a lovely weekend with the lads playing golf in this sun. Yeah, good. Good for you. A boys' weekend.

21:42Declan Donnelly:Yeah, lots and lots of drink was there. Pizzas and steaks. Pizzas and steaks. That's exactly what we had. Pizza place you went to? Pizza Friday night.

21:49Ant McPartlin:Yeah. Steakhouse Saturday night. And then down, you know, in the, down by the beach on the Sunday.

21:54Declan Donnelly:Oh, lovely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it well. I know it well. 20 years we've been doing it. Couldn't do it this time. How was your weekend? Yeah, quiet. Quiet, really quiet. Do you know what I did do? What? I went to a farmer's market on Saturday.

22:06Ant McPartlin:It's a very middle-aged man thing, isn't it?

22:08Declan Donnelly:I went on a swimming lesson for Wilder, obviously, like you said.

22:12Ant McPartlin:Yeah, I was going to say, you can swim. I had a facial. Sorry, what? I thought you said you had a facial. I had a facial. I can tell, actually. Yeah, it's good.

22:23Declan Donnelly:It looks good, right? You do. And I ended up getting sucked into watching JFK, A Love Story. Did you love it? It's not for me. It's not for you, but... But it's good, though. Oh, I know. Guys, it's good. I feel a banana rating coming on here. Well, my daughter gives it nine bananas. No, that's not allowed. Well, I said that. I said that's not allowed. So she's gone to the top of the banana tree. and she's given it eight bananas. My wife gives it a solid five, possibly six.

22:51Ant McPartlin:Okay. Because we haven't watched the full series. Oh, right. So what about your bananas?

22:55Declan Donnelly:What about my bananas? Been eating a lot of them, love them. Oh, yeah, do I have to rate it? Yeah, you do. Five. It's a five. It's a solid five. It's a five. Yeah, it's five. It's not for you. It's not for me. No, even though TikTok and Instagram thinks it is for me. Right. Stop serving me, JFK Jr., a love story pictures. But there you go. That was my weekend. Very quiet. Very quiet. You watched anything? I finished his and hers. Oh, yeah, come on.

23:20Ant McPartlin:They still didn't do it for me, I'm afraid.

23:22Declan Donnelly:What did you think of the whole... I didn't get it. I thought it was nonsense.

23:26Ant McPartlin:Well, and also, you're like, it's a real stretch.

23:29Declan Donnelly:Of course it's a stretch. That's what ruined it for me. Yeah. And everyone's going, oh, it's a great twist at the end. No, it's not. It was a really disappointing twist at the end. My banana wilted when that came on. When that twist came on, my banana dripped and wilted.

23:42Ant McPartlin:Again, probably not for me. No. What are you saying? For thickos? No, no, no, no, no. Four, four, maybe four, more of a female audience. Ah, six it is. No, it's a four banana.

23:55Declan Donnelly:Four banana. That's the lowest banana rate we've had on the banana rating scale so far. It won't be on the poster, will it? Do you rate anything else in bananas now?

24:02Ant McPartlin:Whenever the current Mrs. Donnie makes a meal, I go, ooh, that's a straight seven bananas, that one. Well done, love. No, it's not. It's chilli con carne. But yeah, no, I rate everything bananas. Good. I think we should actually try and promote that. I think we should make a banana rating like an official thing. I agree. So if you're out there now and, you know, if you're doing anything, if you're rating anything, if you're on TripAdvisor or Airbnb rating anything, you should write your little blurb and then at the end just go like six bananas.

24:33Declan Donnelly:Yeah, and then send us the picture of it and we'll show it in the pod.

24:35Ant McPartlin:Yeah. That's a good idea. Then just people who don't listen to the pod will be very puzzled by everything starting to creep in to being rated by bananas. Yes, let's do that. If you go onto any website and write your blurb, finish by giving it a banana rating, take a picture and send it to us and we'll show it.

24:50Declan Donnelly:Book shops, airlines, hotels, car rental, anything where you can rate things, just rate it in bananas. That's how far it is. See, I knew it would catch on. I tell you what I do give eight bananas to. Go on. Harry Styles' performance on the Brits.

25:09Ant McPartlin:Wasn't he good? I thought it was excellent. I really enjoyed the Brits and I thought Harry was brilliant. Yeah, it was good. Eight banana performance from Harry Styles. Jack Whitehall? Thought he was eight bananas. Good, good, good. I thought he was great.

25:21Declan Donnelly:And Harry's album's out tomorrow.

25:23Ant McPartlin:Harry's album's out tomorrow. Yes. What's it called again? Kiss All The Time. Kiss All The Time. Disco Occasionally.

25:29Declan Donnelly:Disco Occasionally. What a brilliant title. Eat bananas all the time. Kiss Occasionally. That's how I would change it. You would be... I do kiss a lot, though. I do like kissing. It's one of the things to do. My wife, the same person. I'm not going around just kissing loads of people. I thought you were going to stick one on us there. I like kissing. We should kiss more. Not me and you. Not each other. People, we should just kiss. Kissing's great. Isn't kissing great? Isn't it though? Remember the first kiss you ever had and then the kiss has got better as you get older. It's great. Why are you pulling that face?

25:57Ant McPartlin:I find this a bit icky. Talking about kissing? Yes. Why? Just keep it for the bedroom. You don't have a kiss just in the bedroom. Well, keep it for the kitchen or wherever you do it, but don't broadcast it to everybody. Kissing? It's a bit icky. He's just kissing. Harry does. Yeah, Harry Styles. He kisses.

26:17Declan Donnelly:He doesn't go on about it. He just names his... Well, he's put his name in the album, it. Yes, that's fine. Let's get Harry Styles on. Harry, if you're listening, please come on the pod and we'll talk about the album. I'll talk about the title of the album. We can talk about kissing.

26:30Ant McPartlin:You two can get on kissing. And Deccan just talk. What would you talk to Harry about? I'll talk to him about his musical influences. And I want to talk about his tash. How did he grow such a luscious tash? if I've got to start growing this beard well you reckon you could go a big old bushy tash yeah

26:46Declan Donnelly:why don't you do it I don't want to steal a thunder from your beard so let's deal with your beard first then we'll do my mustache will not steal a thunder

26:54Ant McPartlin:from my beard

26:54Declan Donnelly:I think it might but we're not doing it on the same day just to be clear so you're doing yours first so we can do a whole episode about it and get into detail could get a hair follicle doctor in if that's what we need what for just to check it's definitely your beard

27:10Declan Donnelly:because I've got a lot of trust issues when it comes to you gruntings

27:13Ant McPartlin:don't you worry about that you can give me a little tug what? only if I'm pleased with the beard girl

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28:00Declan Donnelly:I'm not an astronaut.

28:01Ant McPartlin:I don't need an astronaut.

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28:49Declan Donnelly:Your cabana's ready. Would you like fresh towels?

28:51Ant McPartlin:It matters where you stay. Book now at Hilton.com. Hilton, for this day. Have you got a new screensaver there? Is that a new screensaver on your phone? Yeah, well, it is a new screensaver. Who is that? I haven't got my glasses on. Who is it? Who is it? It's Adam Deck. What? It's Adam Deck. What do you mean?

29:14Declan Donnelly:That's not me.

29:15Ant McPartlin:That's not me. That's not me.

29:16Declan Donnelly:Yeah, I know, but it's Adam Deck. Who is it? It's Jack LaRice. I saw it was going through my phone. There it is. I was going through my phone the other day. And I was like, who's that? And it was, I remember, it was that old golf club again. Right. And I saw him and we both laughed because he was like, oh, there's Ant over there. And I was like, oh, there's Declan over there. So we were like, we're both going to get a photo. So there you go. Look how tall Declan is. Isn't Declan? Look, I've never said that in my life.

29:46Ant McPartlin:Declan is towering above me. For those of you listening, there's a picture of Ant and Declan Rice, arms around each other. Yeah. Like long-lost pals. Yeah.

29:55Declan Donnelly:What a lovely guy. Lovely guy. Is he the nicest Declan you've ever met? Yeah, really is. Really nice. It's the nicest deck. It's my response to your Andrew Scott. Oh, you see my Andrew Scott and raise me a Declan Rice.

30:07Ant McPartlin:Yeah, I do. Oh, I see.

30:08Declan Donnelly:I look very top heavy in that photo. Don't I? I look very... I'm very proud. I'm stood with Declan Rice. I look a bit like Gru from Despicable Me. That's what the kids, my girls used to call me that when they were younger. And I was like, oh, why do you call me Gru? This is cute. They say, yeah, because you're very top heavy. That's not cute.

30:29Ant McPartlin:That's not cute. That's less cute. That is less cute. Sometimes you don't want to know the origin of the nickname.

30:33Declan Donnelly:You never ask the origin. No. So there you go. I'm happy for you. Thanks. Thanks a lot. He's got a lovely smile. I think we should do this. We should continue to try and beat each other. So it's 1-1. So we're going to score like a football game. Right. It's like a penalty system. Okay. So the first to five. Yeah. And if we come back and we're pictured with someone that not everybody here is impressed with, that is a missed penalty. Right. So at the minute you took the first penalty, Andrew Scott, you scored. Top corner. Ah, one second. Yes. With Declan Rice. Mm-hmm. Top corner, scored.

31:04Ant McPartlin:Right, OK. So is it back to me? It's back to you. For my next penalty? Yeah, take your next penalty. OK. With a celebrity. Watch this space. Are you ready for this week's Slice of Diary? Yes. Should we go back to 1994? Yes, please. Do we have a jingle?

31:19Declan Donnelly:Oh, we've got a plane coming in. Oh, ah. That goes in the face.

31:25Ant McPartlin:Nearly swallowed that one. We've got an aeroplane here with some information on it

31:30Declan Donnelly:This is from Louise Hey Ant and Dec, love the podcast And we watch as a family every week Last night our son Noah asked to try out a new hairstyle The 90s curtains Asking him where he got the idea from His answer was Dec's diary picture Respect guys What was your inspiration for the curtains back in the day?

31:51Ant McPartlin:Oh, now you're asking I don't think I had an inspiration Well you must have seen it on People Stone Roses, Happy Mondays. Yeah. It was that kind of, that's the music that we were into about it, and Spiral Carpets, that kind of 90s baggy era.

32:06Declan Donnelly:More questions. I've got more questions. Oh, go on. What age did they stop? I presume the curtains they meant. What age did the curtains stop?

32:13Ant McPartlin:They stopped about 1995. Why? Because a hairdresser insisted on cutting my hair. They did. For the Eternal Love video, I Give You My Love. And Dec hated it. Yeah, I did.

32:27Declan Donnelly:Do you mind if I just trim it a little bit? And you went...

32:31Ant McPartlin:Cut me curtains. In America, they call that the butt cut. Why? Because it looks like the crack of your butt. Oh, the butt cut. Okay, did they? That's what Ashley Roberts said. She went, oh my God, you had a butt cut. She saw an old picture of me. She went, oh my God, you had a butt cut. Ass crack. No, a butt cut. ass head butt head butt head that's who you are here we go

33:01Declan Donnelly:butt head here we go so butt head final question would you encourage your son to have curtains definitely you would happiest time of my life when I had curtains your wife and kids look forward to listening to that well done apart from

33:17Ant McPartlin:apart from now okay

33:19Declan Donnelly:well saved well saved that's that's all my questions Oh, thank you. Should we play the jingle? Yes. Here's the jingle. This week's jingle. I like this already. Oh, yeah.

33:35Declan Donnelly:Oh, I like it. It was really good. That could be a keeper, that. Heather and Chris, that's really good.

33:40Ant McPartlin:Is that a two-man job? Or is that a two-man job?

33:42Declan Donnelly:That's not a two-man job, is it? Heather and Chris. Heather and Chris. Who'd done all the heavier lifting? They're Heather because her name came first. Yeah. Well done, Heather. Chris was just in the background eating crisps, I reckon. Cara and Chris just went, Dex Diary. But Heather's programming, doing everything. Yeah.

33:57Ant McPartlin:Now, I, controversially, I might skip a week. What? The 3rd of April, 1994, was Easter Sunday. Okay. And we didn't do anything. So should I give you a flavour of Easter Sunday and then we go straight into Easter Monday? Yes. Yes, please. So we get a double bubble this week. Yeah, okay, double bubble. Double bubble of?

34:23Ant McPartlin:Text Diary 3rd of April 1994 Day 7 of Life on the Road I'm listening Got up in Portsmouth at 9.30 10am That's early for you isn't it? Isn't that early? It's early And I was knackered I'm not surprised That it says Set off for Ashford in Kent and arrived for lunch just after 12 It was Chart Day Oh That's exciting And our manager was waiting for Let Luce's chart position to come through. Less exciting. Not ours. Not that bothered. They dropped 11 places from the middle. That's a shame. Very disappointing. Sorry, Let Luce. I really wanted the lads to do well. Oh, is that what you put? They deserve it.

35:04Declan Donnelly:Oh, he did have a heart.

35:07Ant McPartlin:Here we go with day eight. The 4th of April, 1994. Bank Holiday Monday. Okay. Bank Holiday Monday edition. Up at 7.45am. On a bank holiday? On a bank holiday.

35:19Declan Donnelly:We're living in the upside down. What's going on? We get up at one o 'clock in the afternoon on a normal day and on a bank holiday, we get up at what? 7.45. What the freak?

35:28Ant McPartlin:Showered and ready. Good. The journey to Alton Towers was short. Well, it was for me. I slept. We arrived amidst rain and snow. Snow? Snowing in Alton Towers on the 4th of April 1994. Snow in April? We were first on stage at the BRMB Roadshow. Oh, yeah, I remember that. The radio station. Yeah. We weren't actually on air. Ah, ah. Who's booked us onto that? I don't know. Well, what were we doing it for? Don't know. The same as... That's not going to sell you singles, is it? No, we didn't even get a radio play out of it. The same as Two Thirds and Worlds Apart. Worlds Apart weren't on air? Mm.

36:10Declan Donnelly:And they were big at the time. Why were we not on air? I don't know. What were you thinking, BRNB? Is it still going, BRNB?

36:15Ant McPartlin:No, they folded. Well, it's funny that. Not surprised.

36:18Declan Donnelly:You weren't playing the hits, were you?

36:19Ant McPartlin:We'll give them the listeners what they wanted. Left for Hereford. After that. Not the most showbiz place in the world. After that debacle. Get some beef. And got to Marilyn's Nightclub.

36:30Declan Donnelly:Whoa, this sounds good. Who did we kiss at Marilyn's Nightclub?

36:34Ant McPartlin:Come on. I thought there was kissing going on. After checking into the hotel, we arrived at Marilyn's after 7pm. The stage was tiny. Oh, what? And we're such big, burly men. This stage was tiny Underlined twice And no radio mics What? We had to have cables on the microphones Oh really? That's dangerous Especially for our dance moves How do you rumble with cabled mics? No radio mics Bloody hell

37:09Declan Donnelly:Bloody hell No radio mics Bloody hell Bloody hell That's my idea of not a very good day out.

37:22Ant McPartlin:Bloody hell. Bloody hell. But the crowd were brilliant. Oh, good, well, what do you expect? It's Hereford. It's Marilyn's in Hereford. It's in Hereford, come on. They screamed their heads off and nearly pulled our pants down. Did they? They nearly had our pants down, I tell you. The security was rubbish again. I had my hair yanked. Your butt cut was yanked I got a butt cut yank What? It was a good night And Ant nearly had his hat swiped Nearly? Nearly Oh, never Never, never

37:58Declan Donnelly:Take my cap If you took PJ's cap That would have been the end

38:02Ant McPartlin:That was our power Apart from that They were brilliant Good Our road manager Dominique Took us for a Chinese meal afterwards And told us all about his bodyguarding and his career. I remember that. Phew. What stories? They were good stories. Phew. Phew. They must have been good. I can't remember any of them. I think I remember a couple. Do you?

38:23Declan Donnelly:I shouldn't really say it here because he's, you know, we haven't had permission. They're his stories. They're his stories. It's not my life. It's his life. But he lived a life. Believe me, he wouldn't mess with that kid.

38:33Ant McPartlin:Yeah. I wonder if he's got Marilyn's and Hereford and his stories from Life on the Road.

38:38Declan Donnelly:If you ever went to Marilyn's or any of the P.G. and Duncan Giggs, get in touch because we do like to hear from you. Did you nearly swipe my cap? Was it you that was the cap thief? Potential cap thief? Did you yank Dex hair? His butt crack? Butt cap? What's it called? Butt cut? Why can't I get it? I just keep thinking of your butt crack. No, not your butt crack. Keep thinking of butt cut. Good episode. Good episode. You got a double bubble this week. You did get a double. That means we're ticking down the weeks though. It's going to be over before we know it.

39:05Ant McPartlin:Yeah, it's going to be one week less. That is a shame. But enjoy it while it lasts. Okay, we will. That was this week's...

39:18Declan Donnelly:Text Diary.

39:22Declan Donnelly:Any letters? Any correspondence?

39:24Ant McPartlin:We've had thousands upon thousands of people thinking about writing to us. But a few people actually went through with it. Good, good. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'll get the force back. There we go. We're not doing this song this week?

39:37Declan Donnelly:No? No?

39:38Ant McPartlin:No. No. I'll go first. This one is from John. Of course you will. Hi, Ant and Dec. As a child who grew up watching SMTV, the post-bag dance will be forever ingrained in my memory. Can't do it. Imagine my horror when watching the show to see you got it wrong. What? Especially when you came up with it. We must have got it wrong last week. How do we get it wrong? Everyone knows, they probably don't, but I do, he says in brackets, that before it's to one set of arm, one set of points, two rolls, then two in and outs before the spin. If we're going to do things, can we do them properly? Much love and respect, yeah.

40:10Ant McPartlin:John. P.S. No, no, no, no.

40:14Declan Donnelly:He does not deserve a P.S. John, that is the level of pinnickety-picking that I just can't stand.

40:22Ant McPartlin:I think he's got a point. I think we did get it wrong. Who cares? I do. I came up with the choreography. Come on. So it's that, that, that, that, that, that, that. That, that. That, that, that, that, that, that. That. That. That. Yes. That. That. That's what we did, didn't we? No, we didn't do the roles. And then it's that.

40:44Declan Donnelly:I thought there was roles. I did think there was roles, to be fair. Yeah. I think I might have said that. John, you're right.

40:48Ant McPartlin:What was his PS? Can your SMTV Europop band please reunite for Eurovision? That's a good idea. Yeah, yeah, Europop. Tinkle, tangle, wingle, wangle. Yeah, yeah, Europop.

40:59Declan Donnelly:Na, na, na, na, na. Right, I've got one here from Alex. It says, hi, on deck. My name is Alex. Yeah, we established Alex from Surrey. And my question is, how did you do at school? GCSE grades and that. Only asking because I've got my mocks this week. So can I get a good luck? Well, you can. Good luck. Good luck, Alex. Good luck, Alex. Keep up the good work. Respect, guys. So how did we do in our GCSEs? Okay. All right. Just okay. Five GCSEs. Five. Got each.

41:31Ant McPartlin:Yeah.

41:31Declan Donnelly:It's okay.

41:32Ant McPartlin:Three Bs, two Cs. Same here. A D, an E. And an F. And an F.

41:38Declan Donnelly:I think we got exactly the same GCSE marks. We did failed maths, had to re-sit maths. Can't remember now.

41:47Ant McPartlin:Can you remember? I got Bs in English Lit, English Language, and Ori. Of course you did. Catholic boy! Stories of the Saints. Are we getting any Stories of the Saints this week? Oh, I'll tell you what I might do. Yes? Is, um... St. Patrick's coming up. I'll do St. Patrick.

42:03Declan Donnelly:I've got another one here from Kieran. I didn't mean for you to get so, in capitals, offended by my letter about your missing comma on the Respect Guys t-shirt. It was an easy mistake. To make it up to you, what of Declan's can you send me for my review? If only I could get a hold of his diary, I'd probably rip it to shreds. Yours with a red pen, Kieran. Enough from producers. People have started signing off emails, including the comma in Respect Guys. So thank you, Kieran. it's all over the place that letter it is grammatically grammatically all over the place I don't mean I didn't mean for you to get so offended by my letter about your missing comma on the respect guys t-shirt it was an easy mistake passive aggressive so we make it up to you what of Declan's can you send me for my review Christian Mock if only I could get a hold of his diary I'd probably rip it to shreds yours with a red pen Kieran that's the end of you on hanging out with Adam Day watch listen don't correspond don't you think do we need that I oh do you think we should always welcome

43:16Ant McPartlin:constructive criticism I think we should always welcome constructive criticism I think we should welcome it yeah we've had more tattoos in for you as well oh please obviously the day is drawing closer when Anna's gonna go under the knife under the knife And get a tattoo. Do you know how tattoos work? No. It's a needle. No idea. Oh, is it? Yeah. I thought it was an operation. No, no, no. That day is drawing closer, but we need a design. We do. What am I going to draw on your body? What am I?

43:45Declan Donnelly:No, you're not doing it. I think I am. No, you're not doing it. That's not a thing. That wasn't part of the agreement that you're doing it. You could do a bit of it, I said.

43:54Ant McPartlin:A little bit. So we've had lots of design ideas. Okay. We've got some very special ones this week from members of the team. Oh, God. They've got ideas for us to put in the melting pot. That great melting pot of tattoo ideas that we're going to look to put on your body at some point. Would you have lettering? Would you have lettering? No. Not on your knuckles? Of course not. Right, so if you're just listening, we've got some knuckles here. I can't have that. With R-E-S-P-E-C-T, comma, and then back to the second finger of the right hand for the G-U, and then on the left hand would be the YS on the first and second fingers.

44:33Declan Donnelly:Well, you're not going to always walk around like that, are you, with both hands like that. So if I was just going to, you just saw one hand, then you just think my hand said, resp, resp goo. Resp goo.

44:43Ant McPartlin:And the other one says, ectos. I think that's a fantastic conversation starter. Why? I don't need it. Well, you do. You're not very good at small talk. Yeah, I don't like small talk. That's a good point. So that's a good conversation starter. People go, well, what's your tattoo? And then you pull up both hands, you go, let's respect that. And then it flows. What have you been up to this week? How's it work? No. You're not feeling lettering on the knuckles?

45:05Declan Donnelly:I like the fact that it's a talking point. Right. That's quite good. Yeah. And I like the fact it's got the history of the show. Yes. And there's a story there. Yes. I always like a tattoo with a story and a reason. But I didn't really think I would get me hands tattooed. Right.

45:22Ant McPartlin:Okay. That's fine. As long as you know. Okay. It's all useful. Now on the left here. Is that you as a banana? That is me as a banana. No, that's not going to happen. No? Even a small banana? It is quite cute.

45:33Declan Donnelly:Yeah, yeah. Yes, you're very cute as a banana, Dave. We all know that. I always imagined you would be cute as a banana.

45:39Ant McPartlin:And I've given you a little wave. If you can't see this, if you're just listening, it's a half-peeled banana.

45:45Declan Donnelly:A topless deck. It's a topless deck popping out of a half-peeled banana with his glasses on. Giving a little wave. Giving a little wave.

45:53Ant McPartlin:And what's the story behind that? It's me as a banana. with... But I can definitely see them because I'm wearing my glasses.

46:02Declan Donnelly:Okay, good. We need to do like a list. We need to do like a top five where we have a running top five. Of our favourite things. And then we whittle them down.

46:11Ant McPartlin:Okay, we can definitely do that.

46:13Declan Donnelly:Can I show you mine? Yes, please. Got it. Oh, she's got me again. In the guts this time.

46:18Ant McPartlin:Got a little aeroplane come in here. Ooh. This is good. This is good, Jemima. Thank you. I love it. Now, this utilises your own body hair. So that would be under your arm. There'd be a little face under your arm and the hair would be your actual armpit hair. So you'd lift up your arm like that and see the face and then your hairy armpit. He likes it. He likes it, you know. That is fun.

46:49Declan Donnelly:That is quite fun. My wife will kill me if I got that, which is part of the reason I think we should keep the top five.

46:54Ant McPartlin:Okay. And we can talk about the design of the face.

46:58Declan Donnelly:Okay. Yeah.

46:59Ant McPartlin:But we let that as an idea.

47:00Declan Donnelly:As a concept, that's a pretty good concept. We've got one more to look at. Whoa. Bad shot. Fiona.

47:08Ant McPartlin:Oh, this is very good.

47:09Declan Donnelly:It's practical. Who's this from? Me.

47:12Ant McPartlin:From Fiona. This is Fiona. She normally hates me. She hates you. She doesn't like me that much. So this, again, is very good for conversation starters. So it is an actual... actual tattooed badge which you'd have on your chest.

47:27Declan Donnelly:My name is Ant.

47:28Ant McPartlin:Which you'd go, hello, my name is... And then you'd have written In the Gap, Ant. It's quite good, though. That is quite good. For people who know which one's which. Yeah, it is. And that's about all we've got time for this week. Is that it? That's all we've got time for. Oh, what a shame. What a shame. I have really enjoyed this. Good. Lovely. Good to see you.

47:45Declan Donnelly:Good to see you too. Good to see you. Nice to have some mail chat.

47:47Ant McPartlin:Good to see you. Good to see you.

47:48Declan Donnelly:All right, great to see you.

47:49Ant McPartlin:Keep all your correspondents coming in, hanging out at belterbox.com all your tattoos all of your letters for the postbag jingles anything at all you want anything we'll read it out and we'll do it give us a review and a follow wherever you're getting your podcasts from and review things and bananas yes banana reviews and don't forget to subscribe to the belterbox channel youtube well done that's it

48:14Declan Donnelly:thank you very much all that's left for us today respect guys see you next time

48:23the