What’s Holding You Back from Being a Great Leader?

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0:49I'm Alison Beard.

0:51Muriel Wilkins:And I'm Adi Ignatius, and this is the HBR IdeaCast.

1:01So Adi, we've all worked with bosses or colleagues who are smart and successful and fine leaders, but everyone else can see that there's something holding them back from really getting the best out of their people or getting to the next level in their career. And they might get feedback on that, but they're not really sure how to fix it, or sometimes they don't even want to. Have you run into people like that who struggle to change or had problems with it yourself?

1:27Muriel Wilkins:I'm sure I've had problems with it myself, but it's easier to talk about other people. So I've worked for a lot of very smart, very talented people who did have something that would hold them back. So maybe they were micromanagers, maybe they were perfectionists and just couldn't get stuff done quickly enough. People who were protecting legacy and forgetting about innovation, people who didn't really care about process. process. So yeah, I've worked with some very smart people who there was something blocking their ability to move forward. Well, blocking is the right word. That is what our guest today calls them, hidden blockers.

2:03Muriel Wilkins is a longtime executive coach, host of the Coaching Real Leaders podcast, and a frequent HBR contributor. And in her decades of counseling senior leaders, she has found some common patterns in what keeps people from reaching their full potential or having as much of a positive impact as they would like to.

2:22Muriel Wilkins:Is it basically all the stuff I was ticking off? Are we talking personality traits? Are we talking anxieties? What are we talking here? Well, behaviors are certainly a manifestation of the problem, but what's underlying it is beliefs. You know, like I can't make a mistake, which causes you to overanalyze, or I need this done now, which creates a false sense of urgency. And those things actually might have served leaders well in the past, but as they move on to different roles or manage larger teams, they really just aren't helpful anymore. But because they're beliefs, not personality traits, you can change them, and you have to change them before you can change the behavior.

2:59So Muriela is going to talk us through how to do that. It's a three-step process that should be very helpful for all of our listeners. Her latest HBR article is The Hidden Beliefs That Hold Leaders Back, and she also wrote the new book, Leadership Unblocked. Let's first talk about what exactly a hidden blocker is. They're hidden because people don't know that they're there and they've managed to be very successful in spite of them. Yeah, so hidden blockers are beliefs that you hold. And what is a belief? A belief is a narrative that you tell yourself. It's a story. It's an assumption. The reason why they are hidden is because while they may have helped you in the past, they have become so habitual that you're not even aware that they're still operating in situations where they actually might not be as effective as they have been for you in the past.

3:48Yeah. So if it is something that's not obvious, how does it become apparent? It usually becomes apparent because there's some dissonance between what you desire in terms of an outcome and what you're actually experiencing. And so you can have a cue around that in two ways. It can be an external cue. So if you ever receive some feedback, for example, and you're like, that feedback doesn't resonate with me, or that's not the way I want to be seen, or your team might not be performing in the way you'd like them to perform. So there might be some external cues that things aren't going the way that you would like them, but you can also have some internal cues.

4:23If you're feeling frustration, if you're feeling burned out, if you're feeling some unease or some malaise around how you're operating at work or how you're leading, then that is also something you should be listening to that behind that might be a belief or a limiting belief or a hidden blocker, as I call them, that is getting in your way. And so you're an executive coach. And so how did you come to understand that lots of professionals who are seemingly high powered, high achieving are suffering from these blockers and it is preventing them from getting that promotion or encouraging their team to perform as well as they can?

5:03So the first level is I saw with my clients that we were very action oriented in terms of moving towards the goals that they had. And so we were very quick if they receive feedback to say, OK, well, here's what you're going to do. Right. But what I found is that it wasn't sustainable. They were able to take the actions, change the behavior, but it was short lived. And so I became curious around why is it that they still keep hitting a wall, even though they might be successful on the outside. They may still get the promotion, but they were still facing a level of frustration, a level of unease with the way that they were leading.

5:37That led me to think, well, what's behind that? And I then found that, well, what's driving the behavior is the belief, right? So our internal operating system. So I saw this happen with my clients and quite frankly, I also saw it happen with myself where I kept hitting certain walls professionally or otherwise and recognize that, well, maybe I'm contributing to them in some way. And it's not just about changing what I'm doing, but it's also about changing the way I think about what I'm doing. So it's like if you get feedback that you're a micromanager, it's not, OK, how do I stop micromanaging?

6:12It's why do I micromanage? Exactly, right? What's driving the micromanagement, which is a lot of times based on what are you thinking about the folks that you're managing? Or what are you thinking about the work that you're doing? Or what are you thinking about yourself that's then leading to that behavior? And what's interesting, Allison, is this is nothing new, right? It's something that's applied in a lot of other domains. You think about health, you think about weight loss, right? People always say you've got to change your mindset around food before you can change your relationship with food.

6:42Well, then, so why can't it apply to the way that we work and certainly the way that we lead? How did you go about identifying the most common types of blockers that people experience? Yeah. So I became curious again around not only are there beliefs that might get in your way, but then I wondered, are there some that sort of cross different types of leaders? So I looked across over 300 of the leaders that I had coached over the past 20 years and looked to see what evidence there was around what might be driving their behavior. And I wasn't sure if I was going to find anything, but lo and behold, there were seven that bubbled up to the top.

7:16Now, that's not to say they are the only beliefs that might get in your way, but these were the most common ones across these leaders that I had worked with, who, by the way, differed in terms of gender, in terms of demographics, in terms of sectors. Most of the folks that I looked at were in at very least managerial positions, so they did lead others. But what happens is they become more consequential the more that you're trying to lead at scale. So the more that you are going up through the leadership pipeline, if you will, or advancing in your profession, the more that there's a risk of them getting in the way.

7:51I want to clue our listeners into what the seven blockers are. We can't dig into all of them, but we'll dig into a few of them. You know, so the seven are I need to be involved. I need it done now. I know I'm right. I can't make a mistake. If I can do it, so can you. I can't say no. And I don't belong here. So the I need it done now certainly resonates with many people, particularly in today's climate where everything is moving at such a fast pace. We need a result. So talk about how that manifests itself and the damage that it can cause. It may not manifest itself in terms of you feeling an internal cue of, oh, my gosh, I have this belief and it's having dire consequences on me.

8:37But it certainly has consequences on everyone else. Right. And the way it shows up is it feels like there's lack of prioritization. We are equating everything as important and urgent at the same time. It feels like people are burned out because they are pulling, you know, all types of things to be able to get everything on the list done. And oh, by the way, it never feels like anything is done. It also looks like there is frequent change happening. So you're on the change acceleration wheel at an organizational level, which also has dire consequences because the organization may not be equipped or ready to sustain that level of change so frequently.

9:13So there are a number of ways that it shows up externally. And quite frankly, the only person who feels like they're benefiting from it is the leader itself who holds that belief because they think that they are being productive. But in actuality, what's happening is toxic productivity, which is when you're trying to do things at all costs or at any cost, which then has a severe impact on the people within your organization and your ability to build capacity within that company. And we're going to talk through sort of the process for unblocking yourself. But first, let's dig in to a few more examples.

9:48The I can do it, so you should be able to, too. That really resonates with me as a Gen Xer who is dealing with people from many different generations who operate in a different way than I do. It also is a functional thing. You know, I come from a journalism background, not a corporate one. And talk about why, if that's my blocker, it could be holding me back. Yeah. So, you know, what's interesting, all of these beliefs come from a good place. The intent is good. And we often think about that. If I can do it, so can you, right? Is motivational, right? If I can do it, little old me, you know, why can't you do it?

10:24But the assumption there is that what the person is bringing to the table is exactly what you bring to the table, which runs completely counter to developing people 101. And that they'll do it exactly the way you've always done it. Exactly, right? So if we think about how to develop people, how to lead change in an organization, how to grow capacity, again, within an organization, the number one rule is you've got to meet people where they are. That even underlies any negotiation or any influence. And so the skill of being able to meet people where they are and the mindset to be able to do that is what leads to a lot of effectiveness in so many different domains.

11:02So if our starting point is, no, meet me where I am, which is essentially what the if I can do it, so can you says, then we're getting in our way of really being effective in a number of different areas. Yeah. Okay. And then the third one I just want to touch on is fear of making mistakes. I think particularly when you get to a certain level, you expect that you're going to know what you're doing and that everyone sees you and looks at you and expects you to be perfect. But then I think also in times like this of great economic and geopolitical uncertainty with, you know, technological change, people feel a little bit paralyzed and they definitely are maybe more risk averse because a misstep could really have dire consequences for their career.

11:53So talk a little bit about how you see this. I can't make a mistake playing out for your clients right now. Yeah, absolutely. So I think the I can't make a mistake belief really gets in the way of being able to move forward. And what's clear with my clients who hold leadership positions is they have two mandates, particularly when they are leading organizations. One mandate is they have to manage risk. Yes, absolutely. This is not about being a reckless mistake maker. You ought to manage risk. But their other mandate is to move the organization forward in the strategic direction that it needs to go in.

12:28We need to get results. We need to be able to deliver to whatever metrics you're looking to deliver to. The I can't make a mistake tends to hold that latter part of the formula back because we become concerned about making decisions. We become concerned about putting a stake in the ground. It can lead to changing course too often instead of trying to follow through. It can lead to then even not delegating and building people from within. So it just holds us back from exacting some of the leadership responsibilities that we actually have. Career-wise, you do make the point that people with blockers can still get promoted.

13:05They can still rise very high in the organization. So for someone who maybe thinks that some of their blockers are productive, being a perfectionist or demanding urgency, what's the impetus for doing the work required to push through them? I mean, there always has to be an impetus, okay? The change doesn't happen just from lying around and saying, oh, maybe today I'll exact some change. So usually it's either something from the outside that gets imposed. So a lot of times with the I can't make a mistake, as an example for that being a hidden belief, is it causes a lot of frustration from stakeholders, your boss, your peers, those who work for you.

13:46And if you as a leader do not want to alienate or frustrate your counterparts or your stakeholders, then you decide that you want to do something different. So that might be an impetus. But the other is that, again, there can be an internal cue. If it's creating some angst, if you're recognizing that you're not moving forward in the way that you need to, that you're not performing at the level at which you would like or that your organization's not moving fast enough, then you have to question what part of that are you contributing to. You might not be responsible for the whole thing, but you certainly are responsible for one part of it, and that can be driven by how you're thinking about the actions your organization needs to take.

14:28So if you're sensing these things, you know, either your team's frustrated or you personally are like, something is off. How do you go about diagnosing what your specific problem is? Yeah. So I think there's a the first place to start is to be curious. So you've got to not just go to what do I need to do differently, which is what most of us who are extremely action biased will do. You've got to take a beat and ask yourself, what is happening right now? What are the outcomes that I'm getting? Where's the dissonance? And let me reverse engineer it. What are the behaviors or actions I'm taking that are leading to the current outcomes?

15:06And then take a step back from that and say, what is the mindset that is driving that type of action and behavior? What are the assumptions that I'm making, either about the way that I need to lead, about those who I'm leading, about the context that I'm in, that are then driving the current actions? And that's when you start to name it. So the first step is really even uncovering that there's some dissonance and then naming the belief that is contributing to the dissonance that you're experiencing. That all has to happen before you do anything differently. Yeah. And do you ever see people struggle to figure out what it is or sort of if what it is is pointed out to them, they push back on it?

15:44Absolutely. Because, you know, the belief in and of itself is not bad. Right. It has helped you. It's probably what's made you successful up until now. But if we really look at what it means to be adaptable as a leader, you've got to be able to open up the aperture and say, there is a possibility that what has helped me may not be helping me now. And that's when they start loosening the grip a little bit. It's also understanding that you don't need to get rid of that belief. I mean, we certainly don't want to get rid of the belief of I can't make a mistake because there are certain points in time where we need to hold on to that one.

16:18But again, being more expansive as a leader and being able to deal with the complexity that you're dealing with is going to require you to tap into different mindsets that the ones that are going to be effective for that time. So what it does is once a leader starts understanding that by exploring and being able to put that one to the side for even a limited amount of time and exploring other mindsets, once they start understanding that that can be their superpower to actually deal with the complexities of the times that they're in, then they recognize that it's an asset that they can leverage.

16:50Most of us would then say, okay, my problem is that I'm a perfectionist. I think I can't make mistakes. So let me change that belief. Why do you have this middle step that is about sort of better understanding what the belief is before you try to fix it? That's right. So the first is you want to uncover it, then you want to unpack it, right? And the unpacking is, let me understand why this belief is even here, right? In a way, you're, you know, you're befriending it, okay? Because as I said before, it's not bad. It's just not serving you in this moment. And if you can't understand when it is serving you, when it is not serving you, you have a higher risk of repeating it again in the wrong situations.

17:34So part of that process is understanding at what point in your life, in your career, in different situations, did it actually help you so that you can assess situations just as we do with a business. You know, you can assess situations that you're facing and be proactive and say, what kind of belief or mindset do I need to bring into this particular situation to increase the probability that I will get to the outcomes that I desire? Yeah. Okay. So now can we get to fixing it? Yes. Okay. Great. Right. So you've uncovered, you've unpacked, and now you need to move forward and change yourself from someone who thinks they can't make mistakes to a different person.

18:15That has to start with like actually just believing that you can change, right? If you've always identified as a perfectionist, it's part of your identity. How do you sort of move to a mode in which you wouldn't believe that? It's so interesting, Allison, that you're even using the terminology change who you are, because actually I don't see this as changing who you are. I think underlying this is people mistaken that their beliefs are who they are. All of our beliefs are learned. They're what we learned in order to be successful or in order to survive or thrive in any context that we were in early on in life and as we moved through life.

18:53The key here is they're not they're malleable. You know, there are things that you can change according to what it is that you want rather than react to the experiences that you had in the past. But it doesn't necessarily change who you are as a person. If anything, it expands who you are. And so when you start seeing it from that perspective, I think that that is the mindset that then leads to more openness to say, oh, okay, yes, I can pick up another belief or I can now start doing the work in this way. Which then allows you to actually move into this action phase, which is if I pick up this new belief, if I've reframed it and I've moved from I can't make a mistake to I'm going to do the best, we're going to do the best that we can with the resources that we have, or we're going to do the best that we can with the information that we have, then you can say, okay, well, what actions align with that that will allow me to get to the outcome that I want?

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21:34what are some other examples of ways to reframe these unproductive blockers so maybe we'll take some of the others that we discussed like if i can do it so can you so if i can do it for you and let me just take a step back here i think it's very important that just as you have to name what the belief the original belief is it's also very important that people own what the reframe is. So I can suggest examples, but at the end of the day, the work is to say, come up with one that's going to work for you. And so the I can do it, so can you, it's a very simple reframe. I will meet you where you are.

22:08It's a different starting line. It doesn't mean that you're still not holding the output as critical or you don't think the task is important. You're just taking a different path to get there. Yeah. And what about I need it done now? I need it done now. That's a tricky one because you have to really recognize that maybe not Not everything. Sometimes you do. And in those situations, right, the house is on fire. I need it done now. I need you to get out of the house. But not everything is a fire. And so it's understanding that the reframe can be something like, I need it done now if it's a priority, or I need it done now if it's actually urgent, or I need it done now if it falls within the parameters of what we have set as our objectives for this month, this year.

22:51So there's a filter that's created around this, what you have prescribed as a universal rule, which then turns it as not universal across every situation. Yeah. So can you give us an example of an executive that you've worked with or encountered that has gone through this process to turn a hidden blocker into a more productive belief? So one of my favorites is one of the executives I worked with who his hidden belief or a hidden blocker was, I know I'm right. You know, what was tricky about that is he actually was right most of the time. Yeah, right. So this is not a lot of times we hear, well, maybe, you know, you could hear a different solution.