What I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce (and how I built a $150M business from it) with Chriselle Lim

27:13So you have to start with the authentic story first. I think when you start with the product first, it gets a little challenging of like, okay, how am I going to create a story around this? So I always personally always start with the storyline first. I have a secret to tell you. Yeah. So I called off my engagement. I moved all my stuff into storage and I was like a shell of myself. Okay. And my sister sent me your video and she was like, I think you should document this the way that Chriselle has. You don't have to post it, but just go and watch the videos later and see how you feel. So I watched all of your videos and you were one of the people that really helped me get back to a place of being able to function and also go through my feelings because I I was like watching what you were going through.

28:03And then I remember like moving all the boxes into my house in Calabasas and like filming myself. These are never posted, by the way. And I didn't think I would, but it was more just for myself. Yeah. And it was really therapeutic for me to be able to like compartmentalize, document, and then like go back to trying to like start HSR because that was really when HSR was even starting. So I wanted just to tell you that because I think, you know, as a creator now, like all we want to do is help people and like feel part of a community. And it really did help me at that time. Looking back, were there any cons of documenting that journey as publicly as you did?

28:39When you're a shell of a human, like you and I have both been through and some people have been through, you're not really thinking further than like getting through the next day or how you're going to survive for the week and just put on your best self. And so when I was documenting those moments, it wasn't really for the documentary or to put it online. Of course, as a content creator, I am trained to document everything. I've gotten a lot better about it because I'm like, I just need to not pick up my camera at times, especially with my kids around. But at that time, I was like, you know what?

29:17I might want to look back at this at some point and remember this because I know I'm not going to be here forever. I might be married again at one point. Who knows? And it's going to be nice to look back at this. And the one thing that I do, and thank you for bringing this up, I remember clearly on my birthday when I decided to walk away from my marriage, it was that day. It was my freedom day. Every birthday, I always look back on the video I filmed of myself crying on my birthday five, six years ago, because it's a good reminder. And it's not to always go back to the past, but it also brings you back to the present and makes you realize how far you've come as a person and how much you've accomplished.

30:05And sometimes it is good to remind yourself of those moments. I have no regrets on documenting these moments. I look back at them and I'm proud. One of the best things I hear from people besides the fact that they love my fragrance brand is when someone comes up to me and be like, thank you so much. Like I saw your content when I was going through my breakup and divorce and it really saved me. It helped me whether they decide to stay or decide to move on. Like it helped me go through a very hard time in my life. And for me, I feel like I served my purpose as a creator, as an influencer to be able to help other women that might be struggling.

30:43And so it's fun to look back on that moment. You are dealing with a lot. You're starting this brand. You're navigating things that you probably didn't even have friends to talk to about it because this was so taboo to talk about divorce, alimony. How did you get through that period? Yeah. I knew one person that got divorced. And I'm going to say her name because she openly talked about her divorce as well. Her name was Raisa. I think she's CMO of She's one of my really close friends. And she's the only person I knew that actually went through a divorce. And she went through it probably a year before me.

31:19Just having that one person to like talk to about this and also be like, okay, what are the first steps that I need to do? What's the thing that you did? Who's your lawyer? Like, who do I talk to? Just having that one person really helped out. I come from a very traditional Korean conservative family. And luckily, my parents are very, very supportive. And they're like, look, we feel that this is the right path for you. But we don't know anything about this. We don't know how to help you. So I just kind of had to figure it out. A lot of Googling, to be honest. And there wasn't that much information.

31:56Now within the next, like after five years, some people are coming out talking about the divorces and prenups and what's important. I mean, we've come so far already as women and as a society talking about these taboo topics. But at the time, just five years ago, there was really nothing. And it was scary. Having gone through what you've gone through and like having paid someone alimony, like what are the lessons that you wish you knew earlier when you were first getting married or if you could do that over again? I think marriage is a beautiful thing. I think marriage is sacred. I do understand that 50 % of marriages do fall apart.

32:30But I'm a lover girl. Like I would like to believe in marriage and love. And I still do. But with that said, I think there's not enough education around marriage in general and what you're signing and what could happen if it doesn't work out. And I always tell girls, and this is information that I think my daughters need to know and their generation needs to know, is that your marriage should not be defined by a piece of paper. If anything, that is the blending of finances, taxes, like all of the legality, all that messy stuff. So the number one thing I knew about was the contracts and also prenups.

33:15And prenup typically has a negative connotation, but I think we're slowly changing that, right? And I think prenups typically are seen as like the rich man wants the younger woman to sign a prenup. It's no longer about that. It's about equality. It's about protecting your peace. It's about protecting what you've built. It's not about just in case you get divorced. And yes, we always have to think about that. I always use the car analogy. You go into someone's car just because you trust them. Are you not going to put your seatbelt on? No, you have to put your seatbelt on regardless. And it's about protecting the peace.

33:55And that's something I did not, I didn't even know what a prenup was when I got married. I'm engaged. I'm not saying that I am going to get married because we're just engaged right now. But if and when we do get married, definitely prenup all the way, 100%. And that's something that I'm very comfortable talking about with him that he talks about with me. And I always tell people if your partner has an issue with that, there's an issue right there. There's a red flag right there. So and even with business, too. So prenups with business partners. That's a big one. What do you mean by that? I think a lot of business ideas come with like friendships and people that you love just chatting about building ideas.

34:35is that's actually, I mean, not to go too deep into it, but one of my earlier businesses, it was really built off of kind of, oh, I trust you, right? And there was no real contract in place. There was no prenup. If it's not in writing, it doesn't exist. Any relationship that you go into, business, marriage, have a contract, have a prenup. when and how do you bring up that hard conversation of like hey this is all great but we need to do x you just have to have it and i cannot emphasize this enough you start a business with the hopes that it's going to go somewhere right and let's say that it does and you don't have a contract that person can walk away with half all your money and you could be left with nothing.

35:31It's so important that as uncomfortable as it is, and same thing with going into marriage, you have to have those conversations. And as I mentioned earlier, if you can't have that conversation with your friend that you're starting business with, you probably shouldn't be going into business with them. Someone has to have those difficult conversations. and it's always going to come back at you. I always say that what is not taken care of now will come back bigger, louder, stronger and you're going to have to deal with it at some point. Yeah. So true. You developed kind of a persona of sorts while you were going through your divorce that felt like a lot of these lessons but in kind of like a fun TikTok-y way which was rich mom advice.

36:14Tell us a little bit about that. So rich mom was born during the pandemic. This was actually not during my divorce. It was pre-divorce. And I think it was an outlet for me. It was a sense of escapism because I was so miserable going through what I was going through. But at the time, Rich Mom was developed by my followers on TikTok. It was a young audience. They don't know who I was. They don't know what a fashion blogger was. Parasite, that Korean movie that won a bunch of awards, was popping off. and they're like, oh my God, are you the rich mom? Because I had really short hair and supposedly I kind of looked like her.

36:56And so I started acting like her and my audience loved it. And it just went so viral. So I continued that series, teaching them how to dress appropriately for a job interview, where to spend your money, like all these mom advice, but in a very humorous kind of sarcastic way. I think because a lot of people didn't know who I was, they thought that was really me. they thought I was actually a rich mom. And so it was fun while it lasted, but it died quickly. Can we talk about this for a second? Because it fascinates me. I use the word rich in my company's name. And it polarizes people so much. Think about a woman calling herself hot, smart, and rich.

37:36It is so polarizing. And sometimes I think I let the noise come in because when I started this brand, I was at the lowest point in my life. I didn't think I was any of those things. And it was a feeling. It was like, I'm evoking this almost like, it wasn't escapism because it was actually more manifestation. Like this is what I want to become. And I find it so fascinating where we are in culture and society right now, because we all want to be a fucking rich mom. We all want to be hot, smart, rich. But then when someone gets it and they show it, it's almost like now we just want to tear that person down.

38:13Right? So I'm fascinated even with someone like Becca Bloom, who's done such a great job building this very polarizing side of the internet that, by the way, I really enjoy watching and I see no problem with. But I think what I'm seeing amongst comments and trends is as soon as it gets to feel to some people unattainable or not funny or they're not embarking wisdom on people like you were, all of a sudden people are turning on that. Did you ever feel that sense of like when it was a joke, people thought it was fun, but then if you actually now came out and you were like, well, I am a rich mom and here's my advice.

38:50Like, do you think that you would experience that same shift? You know, it's funny because after I sold my company last year, which was not too long ago, I was always a paycheck to paycheck girl, even as an influencer, right? I had my revenue and I had to upkeep that. I had my team. I had my overhead. But it was always kind of chasing that, the next paycheck, the next job, next sponsorship, just to make sure that I was afloat. And coming into this type of money made me feel very uncomfortable. I'm a child of an immigrant. And my mindset has always been about scarcity of like, OK, this can all be taken away.

39:30Like if I don't work hard, then like I'm going to lose everything. And so I've actually been going to therapy a lot for that because even now I love working, working as my therapy, which is an issue in itself.

39:45But it's about, no, I'm good. But the minute that you act like you're good and you feel comfortable and people sense that from you, there's like this shift of like, oh, like you're better than us or you're. And I definitely have felt that. And so I used to feel like I had to be flashy to show off that I've made it or I had to carry all these name brands and because I'm in fashion, and that's how I thought I made it or I look like I made it, right. But now it's it's really about what I want and just not having to show everyone and not having to prove myself. And if I want something, if I want to relax, I don't have to explain it to anybody.

40:36And it's something that I'm still coming to terms with because I've worked my entire life. I didn't come from a wealthy family. I came from a very hardworking, middle-class family. My sister and I, we retired our parents two years ago. We just bought them a house and we got them a car. And for me, this is the reason why I do what I do. I have them taken care of, but now like I can take care of myself too. What? Really? Like that just feels weird, right? And so that's something that I've been working on for myself and be like, no, Chris, you don't have to always be working and you don't have to always be proving yourself.

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43:18That's joinbuilt.com slash HSR. Make sure you use our URL so that they know we sent you. Do you use AI? I mean, I'm so behind with AI. I'm a writer at heart. I love writing. That's how I started my fashion blog. What I like to do as a writer, because I still write a lot of sub stacks and all that is I write everything myself. I'm horrible. My grammar is horrible. Like it's embarrassing. But then I'll use ChatGPT to like clean it all up, but it's still in my voice. And so again, I'm really behind with AI and all that. I'm sure that there's ways that I could be more productive in what I do and the team.

43:57But yeah, I haven't really fully embraced it to what it is today. How about you? I think the thing that I'm trying to use it for is more like productivity-based. So if I'm giving it a to-do list of every single thing that I need to do, it's like helping me figure out with my brain, like, when is the best times to do what and how long should actually things be taking me? Because I think sometimes, like, I used to hate saying that I was a creative because I was so, like, driven by the girl boss mentality of, like, being a CEO and being a business person. But I would say at the end of the day, I am a true creative.

44:28Have you heard this thing, like, makers versus managers? No. So my husband was actually the one that taught me about this. When he first saw my schedule, he was like, you are not being set up for success because you are creative. You should have at least two days of your week that have absolutely nothing on your schedule so you can go and be creative, which is hard to do when you're just like, I need to be creative now. And you just sit down. But my practice is like, those are the days that are for experimenting, learning, going to a coffee shop, watching people interact, walking Sephora, going to Ulta, like trying to understand the consumer behavior around me.

45:02Whereas I think for creatives, when you're so put into this box of like, I have to be at these meetings, it's actually really hard to think about like, what is actually going to move society forward? What am I actually thinking? Do you identify as a creative? Oh, my goodness. I could have this conversation with you all day because yeah, I didn't realize it was like makers versus managers. But yes, so we've had to reformat my schedule because my assistant is looking at it as like what slots that they could fill in given that you know there's not that many because I travel so much but it's not productive on the creative side and the creative side is equally if not more important than the business side as we're having to think of ideas that is going to move the needle and that doesn't just come out from like okay from 12 to 3 p.m.

45:52I have to be creative let me think of the best idea I usually never happens. It also doesn't happen from scrolling. That's what I realized. So what we started to do was on Fridays, nothing's on my, I said, I need a four day weekend, not because I'm exhausted, but because on Friday, at least, if there's nothing on my calendar, I could just go out and do what I do and do nothing. Doing nothing is so important about with being creative and And nothing as. And like you're just going out to museums. You're observing people. You're doing the 100 % of all my best ideas was me being out in the world, not being on my phone.

46:34And so it's such a big part of my schedule now is on Fridays, nothing is on my calendar. Yeah, it's so important as a creative just to have that time to breathe and flow and just to aimlessly kind of go to a coffee shop, do whatever it is, go to Pilates. is like just whatever brings joy in you and something will will hit something will spark you can't underestimate that that is so important did that take you time to learn though yeah i mean up until like maybe this year or last year because i can even like what you were saying around permission to almost just like not go so hard i think a theme that i'm seeing with like women whether they're reaching out and asking me about hsr even people i'm like having in the chair who haven't sold yet.

47:19It's like, you know that saying, work smarter, not harder? Yeah. I think it is so hard to put that into practice. Yeah. Because you think the harder that you work, the more that you go, the more that you're going to be able to do. Yeah. And even for myself, like I getting to this moment in the business have been like grinding and I took off some time for like a bachelorette party and to go skiing with my husband. And I remember just feeling clear. But giving yourself permission to do that is such a challenge. What do you think the boundaries are that you have to put around things like scrolling time or just even knowing what's going on in the ecosystem of the fashion and beauty world?

48:02Because it's moving at such a fast pace. How do you stay plugged in to know like what it what is in the zeitgeist right now but also giving you that time to go and be creative and to come up with the next thing i actually don't scroll that much i i do scroll because i have to kind of upkeep kind of see what's going on i i don't want to be in the dark i want to be updated on what's relevant and what's happening especially in the standards there's so many things that are happening like at light speed but you have to be disciplined with your screen time. And there's no other words to put around it, or you have to make those boundaries yourself.

48:41You have to understand that it's whether it's not good for your mental health, or it's wasting your time when you could be creating. I told myself, if I'm on Instagram or TikTok, majority of that time is because I'm creating and I'm putting out versus me scrolling. And I don't have a set time of like, oh, I'm only allowed to scroll for like 30 minutes or an hour. I don't. but I just know when that time is like I just can't and yeah sometimes I get tempted I'll like open it up and like oh I'm not supposed to do that and I'll kind of quickly put it away towards the end of the winter break I was just feeling not so great about being online so I just put boundaries up and I said okay like let's just not do this as much and yeah I checked in once in while.

49:26But for the most part, I was out of it. And it did something in me like it allowed me to just enjoy the present moment. And I had a great idea. And I was like, Okay, like I have that space now to think beyond like what's in front of me. And so I think people need to manage their boundaries around social media and just get out in the world. And I know it sounds so funny, because it's gonna make me sound like in the good old days, you know, this is what we used to do. My kids, I'm very strict about screen time and, and phones, even though some of their peers have it, they don't have phones, they, they are not allowed on social media.

50:06If they have screen time, it's on the weekend, and it's max for an hour. And it's usually on the family TV. It's not like on on a phone. and half the time and even on planes, people think I'm crazy. I don't bring my tablets and they're like, well, what are the kids going to do? I'm like, I don't know. They'll figure it out. And yes, it takes about like an hour for them to be like, I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. But after they break through that, they do some crazy shit. They're just out there playing make-believe and they're using their creative mind and their brain that so many of us, we don't do anymore.

50:42And so I try to practice that with my kids and also myself as well. I try to model it for my kids. It's hard, I know, given what I do. But yeah, I think it's really important that we all give ourselves time away from social and just be out as humans out in the world. Let me ask you something, because this is actually something I struggle with. Like, I also come from a very conservative, like, traditional family where it's like, we don't speak about things that are uncomfortable. And I even remember when a teacher told my parents, like, oh, Maggie might have ADHD. she needs to get tested. It was like, no, you don't type of thing.

51:19I'm so interested for you what the journey has been to share your story so bravely when there may have been people in your life who would have preferred you to stay silent. Yeah. I think I still deal with that a lot because this conversation of women owning their life, women now are the ones who want the divorce or want the breakup, women now making more money than a lot of the men. I remember when I started talking about alimony and people thought I was talking shit. I'm like, no, I'm not talking shit at all. This is education that we all need to know. And it was women being like, I can't believe that you're saying those things about your ex-husband.

52:11I'm like, I'm not saying anything but lovely things about him because he is a lovely person and he's an amazing dad. But all I'm saying is that women have to be in control of their finances. And before you get married or even before you go into business, owning that up. And those conversations stirs people up. And they're like, they immediately put it in a category of like, oh, women and money, that's shit talking. But it's not. It's education that we all need to know and to be empowered. And so I still speak up about it, even though some people, it might make people uncomfortable. I think it's important.

52:52And so I say that we continue to do that. I think it's all for the next generation to make better and wiser decisions and not make the same mistakes that we've made. Okay, amazing. I need to ask you some rapid fire. Yes, let's do it. Okay. I feel like you're going to be good at this. What is the last thing you put on your credit card? These rings. Love, from where? I was staring at them. It's from the beers. Love. I saw it and I was like, you know what would be really nice is I have an engagement ring from my fiance. say. But if I had an engagement ring for myself, and it was bigger than my engagement.

53:34I'm crying is this but this is not a divorce ring. This is an engagement ring to yourself engagement ring to myself. I never had a ring for myself to be married to myself. And so of course, like that idea didn't come up first, I saw the ring. And I found an excuse of why I needed this ring. But now that I look at it, and I've had it for a few weeks now, and I'm like, I look at it, and I'm like, Oh, damn, you did good. You did good. I am very happy with this purchase. And it just reminds me of how far I've come as a woman as an entrepreneur, that I was able to treat myself without guilt. And to be able to say, you know, like, at the end of the day, the most important thing is that you are proud of yourself and you are married to yourself and everything will fall into place so yeah it's my own engagement rings i am obsessed let me see a close-up thank you oh it's so good thank you okay you can only pick one to wear for the rest of your life missing persons or father figure oh you're asking me like what child is your favorite job That's really hard.

54:49Missing person. Okay. Father figure, I do wear more. But if you're saying for the rest of my life, probably missing person. Because it just becomes your skin. It just becomes you. Father figure has a little bit more oomph. So, like, if I wear for the rest of my life, at some point I might be like, oh, I need to change this up. But, yeah, missing person. What is your favorite beauty brand that isn't yours or part of the center? I saw that you had Sif on here. I know it's not beauty, but it's kind of beauty. Beauty wellness. I love what she's doing. I love what she's doing on the business side. I think she's incredibly smart and savvy.

55:29And she has just like this knack of like understanding the market and having a really great product. I use their products every day. of course Summer Fridays, Mariana, Lauren, they're so dear to me. And they were really the start of kind of this whole niche beauty, right? And they started Summer Fridays so long ago, not so long ago, but way before like a lot of these newer beauty brands have popped up. And they've really kind of paved that way for so many of these newer brands. So and they continue, and they just launched a lip liner and like dying to try. And I just have to say, Sephora in general, I know it's not a beauty brand per se, but it's like a conglomerate at this point.

56:11Yeah. But I see what they're doing right now. And me being a Sephora brand, it's really exciting to see how they're thinking about their partners. They just announced a partnership with Olive Young, which I am so thrilled about, so excited about. I think that's the smartest thing that they could have done. So I'm really proud to be a part of that Sephora family. And I think that team there is excellent. What's harder, entrepreneurship, divorce, or co-parenting? Oh, at the time, you know what? No, entrepreneurship. Love that. Entrepreneurship, 100%. Love that. Because divorce, it's hard, really hard at the time, right?

56:56And then you get to the other side. And whether you have a good relationship or not with your partner, I luckily do. but you could be like, okay, we're done. Goodbye. See you later. Right. Or maybe never see you again with entrepreneurship. You get to a point and you think you figured it out. Uh, the next thing is right around the corner for you and you get there and you're like, Oh, I mean, Nope, it's, it's ongoing and it will continue to challenge you. You have to learn about things of yourself and the business that you would have never imagined that you had to learn of. And you're continuously always put to the challenge of having to grow it and having to become better, which is really, really hard because there's only one of us, right?

57:45And of course, now I have an incredible team to help me. But entrepreneurship is ever evolving, ever growing. Divorce is like an end date and you're done. Co-parenting, I have to say it's, at least for me, I've had a very lovely experience and if anything I advise all parents whether they're married or divorced to have a co-parent because it's the perfect balance at least for me and so co-parenting is a walk in the park for me because I have a great co-parent so I would have to say entrepreneurship but you know it's like anything else in life like when you think about something it's a lot scarier than when you're actually in it so when you're in it you're just like shit okay I gotta figure this out like let's roll up the sleeves but when you're thinking about how you're gonna do it that's when it feels scary.

58:30But when you're in entrepreneurship, you're just like trying to catch your breath. Yeah, you're in it and you're working at it and you're hustling and you're growing it. But yeah, it's never ending, as you know. If you had to title this season of your life with one word, what would it be called? I would call it the harvest. Oh, I love that. I think I've been planting for a very long time. And I've been working my entire life. And this year for the first time, I'm like, I not that I could ever be lazy or just kick back, but I'm now finally seeing the fruits of my labor and I'm able to enjoy it for the first time and take a bite out of it and be like, Oh, that was a good one.

59:16Oh my god, I love that. I wish that I had given you this to say it to yourself oh good word I remember um tell tell this version of you this oh my goodness I have to tell you a funny story so this entire outfit was borrowed from a boutique called sateen boutique in Los Angeles which was owned by my really good friend I cannot afford any designer clothes those were Stuart Weitzman sandals that every fashion girl he had back then This dress, I think it was Philip Lim. But anyways, I was a broke college student. So my friend Jeannie had a boutique. And that's how I created outfits for my fashion blog was because I had no money.

1:00:05She let me borrow her clothes from her store. And I would shoot them. And actually, that's how I met my fiance is through Jeannie. Oh, my God. This is a full circle moment. Full circle moment. Okay. To answer this question to these pictures of you. So if you could tell yourself and anyone listening one HSR love note to keep going on the hard days, what would it be? You are enough. You are beautiful. And you are resilient. I think at this time, I felt really insecure. And I felt I really did not like myself at the time. I think more than the look, it was just like who I was as a person. I wasn't satisfied.

1:00:44and so yeah I would and that's something I tell my girls every morning we drive to school and I would we repeat the same things and I would say the exact same thing I would tell my daughters because I know they're going to go through a period where they're going to be like oh I I want to be like her I don't like myself and so that's what I would tell her I love that are they all the same photos are you popping all these up oh I just like went and found my favorite photos my skinny boyfriend like it's honestly iconic it's just I love like looking back at where we come from because it's so if you think about our life progression it is just so beautiful but at the time you're like I'm embarrassed or I don't like this version of myself and then you get to this point you're like wait this is all for that girl you know what I would have to say I would say you're gonna get hotter smarter richer love you thank you so much for coming on I had the best time with you I did too honestly getting to Meet Your Heroes in Real Life is so underrated.

1:01:44This was so cool. Thank you so much. And thank you everyone from listening. And I can't wait to see you guys next week. Love you.