Catwoman w/ Jamie Denbo (HDTGM Matinee)

18:33You know, like, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo or even, like, Columbiana. Like, all of these, like, female-centric action movies or movies that have, like, an intensity to them are much more, like, they're richer stories. Absolutely. Like, I think because these are comic books, people are like, well, it's just for fanboys. put her in a sexy outfit, have her jump around the rooftop. And run around.

18:54Jason Mantzoukas:Yeah, she's not safe. There's no crime. You don't get the sense. No, there's no mission. At the end of the movie, she's going to continue to be Catwoman, but there's no crime to it. What is she going to do? She's going to fight what? I feel like she and Sharon Stone. Sharon Stone, who is so fucking good in this movie. This is like her comeback movie or wanting to be a comeback movie. She should have been. She's great. She's awesome. She does exactly what she's supposed to do. She is fucking gorgeous. She's a wonderful villain. She is not oddly not overacting. I don't think I feel like that is just.

19:26She's one of the only people who understands the movie. Exactly.

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22:43Jason Mantzoukas:Go to babbel.com slash bonkers. That's babbel, B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash bonkers for up to 60 % off. Rules and restrictions may apply. Okay, so Halle Berry has these powers and Benjamin Bratt, which we should just back up for a second and talk about Benjamin Bratt. Benjamin Bratt finds Halle Berry while he's on his way to work one morning. Halle Berry is out on a ledge trying to save a cat, but he thinks that she's... Before she's turned into Catwoman. Before, yeah. He thinks that she's a suicide jumper, and then they kind of get this flirtation, and now... And by the way, he keeps on apologizing for thinking that.

23:19It's like, don't be sorry about that. She was on a ledge of a building

23:23Jason Mantzoukas:looking like she was a jumper. Anyway, so they get this... There's this whole weird line of her being offended that that was... It's like you were hanging out of a building. But then it's like, ooh, I'm late for work, and goes straight to work. Yeah. You almost died. You almost died just now. And then, by the way, when she drops her wallet, and they clearly move the door slamming up so that there would be enough time for him to find the wallet on the floor. Did you notice that? Like, why couldn't you just yell her name? You could give her a wallet right now. Yeah, you could run down those stairs.

23:51Jason Mantzoukas:Right there. You ran right up the stairs. You're a cop. Hey, you did it. You could literally, all he had to do was this, hey, your wallet. That's as much, by the way, that's as much effort as it would have taken. Hey, your wallet. By the way, the other thing I think that is important to note is he finds her wallet and then shows up at her work. Because as we all know, our wallets have our work address. Yep. Just like when she finds him at the school he's giving a talk in by being like, I called the police station. They said you might be here. And also. At a random school in this city. He's in a random school giving a lecture, but it seems that part of him is that he's always at this school, but yet it seems like it's the first time that he's there.

24:29And apparently strangers can just walk into classrooms in this school and smile awkwardly at the guy talking and then challenge him to a one-on-one basketball game. But also, why have we not talked about the one-on-one basketball game yet?

24:41Jason Mantzoukas:And what is also happening with him in that school? He's like, hey, kids, don't grow up to be bad. Who wants to play some basketball? Wait, wait, that's the lecture? it's a half half complex or half basketball thing no it's a half complex or hey kids don't be bad half the kids being like show us your gun oh yeah who wanna see your gun can you shoot somebody actually I have to say I like the choice of him being at that school because I felt what it did was I really did because I felt what it did I think you liked this movie I did not like it I thought it was I liked it and fun and I liked it because it was also like we're not gonna show him like solving a crime and being heroic because it's gonna take away from our gal so we're gonna actually put him in this feminine environment where he's nurturing.

25:21Jason Mantzoukas:So this one-on-one basketball game. Holy cow. I remember seeing this in the theater. It's the giggling that she's doing too throughout. It's all shots of her upper body. They never move. They almost never move. It's a one-on-one basketball game where they never shoot the ball. All they do is dribble. The only time that there's any movement is when she does a lot of walks on the walls and stuff. She does a standing jumper but then somehow she falls on top of him. That's the action of it. And at one point there's just a close up of her, there's just a close up, a very tight close up of her ass jiggling.

26:00Yes there is. And also there's like shots of her upper body like moving her arms like she's dribbling. Like a Muppet. Showing them eye contact and then lower body shots of her like dribbling the ball through her legs like a Harlem Globetrotter. Yep. Which I'm 100 % certain was a man. Oh sure. There is no, if you upper body to lower body shots to lower body shots. She is a man. I guarantee a man did these things.

26:24Jason Mantzoukas:A man, I think fucking CGI. There's so many parts in this movie where her body is completely CGI. Like when she's running around the city. All the jumping. Everything is just CGI. I will say this. To me, the really genuinely standout good scene in this movie from another movie So you liked it too? was, yes I did, was the Ferris wheel scene. Which was great. Oh, that's right from Beverly Hills Cop 3. Alright, well that's why it was good. I know. Which is not a good sign of being good. But no, that's... Because it did everything it should do. I agree. It made him on par as an equal someone who is...

26:55Right, they were working together, yeah. She saved the kid, which I thought was a good... Frankly, I thought it was awesome to see her. That's such a superhero move. You loved this movie. I loved this movie. You're like almost jerking off right now. It was a music video, too. The whole movie's a music video.

27:09Jason Mantzoukas:Oh, yeah. I mean, the music... I feel like they lost, though, and I couldn't believe it, is this just watching her. there was no like, oh, I'm watching this woman who was patient figure out all of her superhero powers. Like, that's the fun of the movie. No, she seems to be oblivious. And her superhero powers change. I think she's talking about somebody else. And she's giggling with this basketball stuff. It's like, don't giggle. Like, really? Like, what is happening right now? But to me, it's like Superman, Batman, you understand a base of their powers. Here, she can run and jump from building.

27:41Jason Mantzoukas:Right. But besides that, it was very iffy. He was like, who made her? She's hungry like a cat, but she's not a cat. But sometimes she's possessed by the cat. She hisses like a cat. Sometimes she sleeps like a human. Sometimes she sleeps on a pillow. Yeah, it's weird. On a shelf. I loved when she hissed. Oh, we didn't talk about the moment in the movie when she's confused about being a cat that she Googles cat. No, she Googles cats, period, women. That's what she Googles. How about the conversation of the cops going, what should we call her, cat chick? Cat broad? Cat broad. Cat broad! Cat broad!

28:14What jerk! She's wearing open-toed sandals throughout all of her adventures as Catwoman. And somebody has created diamond talons for her. Yeah, because those didn't come in the... That didn't come in the box! Like, gloves with diamonds on the fingers?

28:31Jason Mantzoukas:What are you talking about?! So she is confused. She doesn't want to take on the Catwoman persona just yet. So she goes to Frances Conroy, Ophelia Powers, who is really upset with the men in the world. Who lives in the up house. Oh, yes. I wrote that down, too. I wrote that down, too. She lives in the up house, this little house in the middle of a city. Of skyscrapers. A tiny Victorian house, like, in the midst of, like, Wall Street, like, skyscrapers. And she's in this up house, and this woman is upset with the men in this world because she was denied tenure. Academia. Academia is a man's world.

29:12Jason Mantzoukas:How Did This Get Made is excited to collaborate with Audible. Audible has a massive library of audiobooks and ad-free podcasts. Now, I am a giant audiobook fan because audiobooks help you get way more out of your day. I'm able to kind of check in when I'm in the car. I love an audiobook so much so that I actually created my audiobook, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, to appeal to listeners of audiobooks. And that's what Audible is known for, right? They have this range of amazing titles. There is something for everyone, like The Deal and Heated Rivalry. You could finally read where those series originated from.

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31:34Jason Mantzoukas:And right now you can save 25 % off your first order at Zazzle.com. That's 25 % savings on your first order at Zazzle.com. Go make something Z-amazing. Zazzle.com. Paul, you pointed this out, but Midnight, the cat that's by her side the whole movie, is like the most uninspired, uninteresting. Cat. Yeah. Casting was terrible for that cat. I don't know who cast that cat. And sometimes they just CGI the cat when the cat's not even doing anything. The cat's just standing, like, looking at the camera. It's all CGI. There's 45 minutes. This is a superhero movie. There's 45 minutes before the first fight sequence.

32:10Yep. Oh, yeah. Which takes place. Fuck you. But lots of Alex Borstein just kind of eating. Just like, girl, did you meet for coffee with that guy yet? I'm like, you are Alex Borstein. You are not a black woman.

32:23Jason Mantzoukas:Oh, my God. Oh, okay. Jimmy Smith catches on at one point. that Halle Berry and Catwoman might be the same person because they both wrote sorry. Yeah, whoa. She wrote sorry because she missed the date with Benjamin Bratt slash Jimmy Smith on a coffee cup. That scene is amazing. And then she also wrote sorry on the bag of diamonds that she stole. She returns it to the diamond place. And they're like, does this match? Does this handwriting match? I'm not a handwriting expert. I could say this is clearly written by the same exact person. There's no way. So he brings it to a handwriting expert who says, does it match exactly?

33:03No, it's close. In this first one, you see the space between the S and the O suggests loneliness. Yes. They're exactly the same. What?

33:12Jason Mantzoukas:And he goes, it suggests loneliness, but this other one is an adventurous woman. But the other one's an introvert. But this one wants to get revenge. And he goes, man, if you put these two women into a room, you'd have one hell of a party. Yeah, what the fuck does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? Do your fucking job. Well, it's also like you put a really anti-social woman in the room with a crazy, like a crazy. Holy shit. And when they, is it the same guy that studies the scar on his cheek? Oh, yeah. And it's like perfect. 99.9 % perfect match. That is bonkers. And he's studying that scar at midnight because Benjamin Bratt at midnight, or they just had sex, Cali Berry and Benjamin Bratt.

33:50Jason Mantzoukas:And then he like Jimmy Smiths. And he goes to like, he sees something. He goes to the lab. But it's clearly like two or three in the morning because they just fucked and they had dinner and it was a late night. I love that cat sex scene. Yeah, cat sex. And he brings it and the lab is fully functioning. Oh, yes. Like way in the early morning. That's when they get the 99 % probability. We have not talked about when she is going to fully embrace becoming Catwoman. She cuts her own hair with two scissors, like with scissors in each hand. Edward Scissorhands. It's basically Edward Scissorhands. She's like, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff.

34:25I was like, how could you? No, you can't use two sets of scissors to cut your own hair. Why would you even put this in? Cats can do that. Just cut her hair. Cats can do that.

34:36Jason Mantzoukas:Fuck you. I don't know what it was. I'm damn, I wrote down one thing here, but I think Benjamin Bratt said something, and I don't, please tell me if you remember this. He goes, would your wife, would you be upset if your wife did blank, blank, blank? And the guy goes, I would if she was carrying a pizza. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, would you rescue, would your wife rescue a cat on a ledge? Oh, right. If the cat was carrying a pizza. I guess because his wife's fucking fat. She's a fat pizza lover. This movie is so, yeah, that line just stuck out to me. It was terrible. Terrible. So she is, I mean, so the whole basic premise of the movie is that the skin cream is killing people.

35:16Jason Mantzoukas:Halle Berry wants to find out who killed her. If you stop, right? Yes. That's the other thing. Oh, I didn't realize that. But if you continue. If you continue, you become marble. You become like a super villain. You become Sharon Stone. Who is marble. Yes, she's so, so she doesn't feel pain. She's impervious. Which leads me to her demise. Yes. Why does she... Agreed. She shouldn't die at all. Yeah. She should just fall to the ground. She should fall to the ground and be like, and shake it off, because why would that hurt? But her skin started changing before she died. Yeah, why? Because she was scratched?

35:47Oh, maybe.

35:47Jason Mantzoukas:Well, to me, can you scratch marble? I didn't know. With diamond nails. Yeah. Oh, she's got diamond nails, you guys. Sky's diamond. Diamond. I love that we're really trying to crack this. I love that we're really trying to figure this out. By the way, during the fight scene between Halle Berry and Sharon Stone, Sharon Stone does not throw a punch back. She just gets the shit kicked out of her for like ten minutes. By the way, where are they having this fight? They're having a fight in the poster warehouse. It's just like the top floor of this building where they just keep all the old posters. You know why women are going to be into this movie?

36:16Because it's in like beauty and fashion. And then there's going to be a new model who's younger. Every woman has that problem. Everyone. Hey, do you guys think when she becomes Catwoman, she should have super powers? No, not really. But she should now be able to fight like a ninja. Okay, yeah, she can do that.

36:32Jason Mantzoukas:There's also a scene, and again, we've talked about the woman aspect of this film, but there's a scene where Lone, Tom Lone, who is Benjamin Bratt's character. And Sally has a lot to say about that name. I think you mean Louis Guzman. Oh, yes, yes, you're right, Louis Guzman. It confronts Sharon Stone. He knows the evil plan, and he's caught her in it. We'll play a clip. Because I finally trusted a friend. Yeah, well, your friend just got you killed. Don't be stupid, Laurel. You don't want to kill a cop. I'm a woman, Lone. I'm used to doing all kinds of things I don't want to do. Give my regards to my husband.

37:13Like, they would throw in these lines like that. She is gorgeous. Sharon Stone is gorgeous and powerful, and her husband treats her like garbage because she's over 40. And looks... She looks 10 billion times better than the 25-year-old Skank. She's so much more beautiful than the other model who's replaced her. But she's like, she hasn't said anything important to me since he said, I do. I do. It's all of the pronouncements about the new campaign and retiring, the face of... As though that would be covered in anything. Although I have to say, the press conference when they finally have it, after her husband dies, there's like three photographers there.

37:52There's nothing. And it's not in a press room. No, it's in their boardroom. It's basically in the circular room from Dr. Strangelove. It's like in an evil lair. They're like, we'll have a couple pieces of the media come to the evil lair.

38:05Jason Mantzoukas:There is an alternate ending on the DVD. The original ending. It's telling, actually. It's pretty great. So the movie ends with the Catwoman writing a letter to Ophelia Powers and Tom Lone and saying, thank you so much for your help. Wait, I think you mean Isai Morales. Oh, yes. Isai Morales. And so Danny Trejo gets the letter and it basically says, hey, look, I'm a Catwoman now. I need to be independent. See you around. Now, meanwhile, I guess she's just going to live in the city and just, but not date him. I don't know. So that's how the movie ends. She's like, I'm a Catwoman now. Right. I do my own thing.

38:44Jason Mantzoukas:Right. She walks off. Ambiguous leading room for franchise. Exactly. The way the alternate ending goes is it cuts to her. The whole movie ends. Sharon Stone dies at the press conference. Cuts to her outside with Alex Bornstein painting a mural of a cat on a building. And there's kids helping her. Giant mural. A giant cat mural. You know what I'm realizing, Paul? What? They must have been outside that school that they were at before. Right. The basketball school. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize that. So they're painting a giant cat mirror. It's coming together. And then Benjamin Brack comes up and goes, hey, just so you know, we solved the case.

39:22Jason Mantzoukas:Everyone said that they were guilty and it's all done. And then she goes, why don't you come down? We'll talk. And then they come down and talk. The camera does this insane thing where it's spinning around them. There's no action. It's just a dialogue. And the camera's spinning almost to the point of nausea. And it's like, she's like, can you live with somebody who's a cat woman? He's like, well, I could do whatever. You know, I'm cool with that. She says, because I'm pretty complicated. Yeah, he goes, well, I like a complicated woman. And Nancy Myers was like, hey, that's a good idea. And then that's the end.

39:50Jason Mantzoukas:The end is that, that they go off, and then the camera pans up. Yeah, just go up into the sky. They're going to be together forever, and the cat mural is going to be finished painting. Not only that, but after that, you realize this wasn't like they didn't. And Alex Borson behind them going, hubba, hubba, hubba. You did it. You nailed it. She's up on the roof. On the scalpeleting, not doing anything, just commenting, oh, that painting is bad. Isn't she with the hot doctor? Meanwhile, Alex Borenson, in the alternate ending, not in the movie. In the one that's in the movie. Oh, okay, all right. That's delicious.

40:20Jason Mantzoukas:And the strawberry, too. Oh, God. Oh, God. What? Now, Alex Borenson, you're led to believe that she's getting sick from the cream, but she clearly stops using the cream and her face is melt off. And she's totally fine with the fact that she's been in a hospital for four days. She's in the hospital. Undergoing major tests. She's in the hospital more concerned with getting laid than the fact that she's... getting Halle Berry laid. Yeah, it's crazy. Why does Halle Berry, I can't deal with the scenes in this movie where she, when she's Catwoman, she just runway walks everywhere she goes. Because it's as different as you can possibly get from a little kid.

40:58Yeah, she just is making it so labored to walk wherever she's going. Guys, can I tell you something? she's walking like a cat in a very sensual way. I loved her physicality.

41:09Jason Mantzoukas:I just want to ask you guys, This is a little bit of a trivia question. How many writers wrote this movie? Eleven. Okay. How many do you want to say? I looked it up so I shouldn't guess. Okay. Oh, God. I'm going to say like eight. Twenty-eight writers were involved in the arbitration. They nailed it. Okay. But they finally were awarded to three writers and two story credits. But 28 writers were involved in this script at one point. Wow. Twenty-eight. Anyone notable? The ones that wrote it were John D. Brancato, Michael Ferris, John Rogers, Teresa Rebeck, Brancato, and Ferris. So those are the...

41:47Jason Mantzoukas:Wow. Wow. As you can tell, we did not love this movie, but now it is time for a second opinion.

41:58Jason Mantzoukas:These are cold from Amazon.com. These are five-star reviews of Catwoman. So here you go. This is from Huntsville. If you like Cats or Halle Berry, you're going to like this movie. Jay Harris writes... Not both. No. If you like either or, that's enough. If you just like Cats and hate Halle Berry, you're still going to like this movie. Yeah, exactly. But if you... Yeah, either or. If you like both, holy shit. You're in. Your day just got made. Here is another version of that quote. As I love both Cats and Ancient Egypt, this was my dream movie. What? So you like two very short montages. The opening montage had some papyrus in it.

42:36Jason Mantzoukas:That's it. This is the other one I really like. I have no idea why some people say this is bad because it isn't. It's actually really good. Definitely good. I'm a guy. So desperate. And then this gets a little bit more serious. It goes, I also like the way this movie treated the duality of what a woman can be if she chooses and her right to choose. Virgin Vamp. I have recommended this film to all I know who are like me, a pagan. Oh, that's amazing. And finally, the last one. There's so many here that were amazing. On one hand, I'm happy because of the bad publicity that I get the DVD of this movie sooner.

43:18Jason Mantzoukas:But on the other hand, I'm saddened because I probably won't get the sequel. So this guy liked the bad publicity because he just wanted to get a DVD soon. Thank God. Can I ask, what is the lore of Catwoman? Like how in the comic books is she? There's multiple. Oh, I see. All right. But usually she's a Batman villain, basically. But then Batman is constantly kind of like having a relationship with her. She's very compelling. She started out as like a cat burglar, blah, blah, blah. One thing I also have to say, and maybe I'm wrong, and maybe this is just my personal or female point of view. I feel like Michelle Pfeiffer's actual suit is so much sexier than like the S and M and the big tits.

43:59like the fucking like pushed up like Halle Berry you know those aren't all that's not all her like it's just and like the sexed up part of it like I prefer the the American Horror Story like yeah and body condom no totally I'm down with that I don't know I thought she looked good I know she looked amazing she looked good but like she was like covered in glitter makeup and she was very shiny she looked like she was just walking a runway it looks like you were watching a Rihanna it didn't look functional is what I'm hearing also her mask is the worst mask in the history

44:27Jason Mantzoukas:a superhero mask. Also, cats have fur. I'm just going to say that. Every time she jumped, if she was wearing this, every time she jumped anywhere, her tits would pop out. Which I watched astutely and that did not happen. As always, we go to you, the audience, to play a part in the show. Last week, we asked you to go on to eardrop and record your favorite bad pun. That would be like, you would pretend to be a cat woman. Maybe you and a friend would get together and do one of the puns from the movie. Like, you know, it's a perfect crime. So here are some of our favorites puns from Catwoman. Once I've had my claws in you, you'll need to pee with a cat that...

45:17So good. So good, guys. You're amazing.

45:20Jason Mantzoukas:Any final thoughts? Any final thoughts that we didn't cover? Anything that people want to talk about? I think that this movie is definitely worth the rental. Oh, it is. It's on iTunes. It's on iTunes and it's on YouTube. I've got to say it's outrageous, but it's not a bad viewing experience. It's not a bad viewing experience. It is a fun, bad movie to watch. It's campy and silly. You know what it is? Almost if it were just that much campier and sillier, it would have been awesome. Yes. It misses the mark because it takes itself a little bit too seriously. So like I said earlier. Wait, you think this movie directed by Pete Hoff.

45:58Who was just a visual effects guy, which makes sense. He's just too serious. That makes a ton of sense. He did three movies. This was one of them. But he's listed crazy credits for visual effects.

46:09Jason Mantzoukas:I can only say that I think the final word of this movie is best spoken by Halle Berry and her Razzie speech, which we have called together the best parts of. She goes to town. And she was going down with this Worst Actress Award. She showed up with her Oscar in one hand and a Razzie in the other, but she takes down everyone. Take a listen to that. I've got so many people to thank because you don't win a Razzie without a lot of help from a lot of people. So please indulge me and just let me, you know, go through this. First of all, I want to thank Warner Brothers. thank you for putting me in a piece of shit god-awful movie

46:58you know it was just what my career needed you know i was at the top and then catwoman just plummeted me to the bottom i want to thank my manager vincent serencion vince vince here's Here's my manager.

47:18I want to say, no, no, listen. This guy loves me. He loves me so much. He loves me so much that he tells me that I'm the greatest actress there ever was. He loves me so much that he convinces me to do projects even when he knows they're shit.

47:41But that's how much he loves me. That's how much he really loves me. And my only advice to you, Vinnie, is next time I do a movie, if I get a chance to do another movie, maybe you should read the script before you read it. Just counting the zeros behind the one really isn't enough. You really got to read the script. Thank you. I love you, man. Love you. I want to thank my agent and my lawyers, who obviously don't give a shit, they're not here tonight, but love you guys, love you. I want to thank the writers, all 20 of them. Thank you for thinking this was a good idea. Obviously it wasn't, but I appreciate the thought you thought it was, you tried.

48:26Hey, thank you. I want to thank the cast. you know it's really important in order to give a really bad performance like I did you need a lot of bad actors around you so I want to thank all of them I also want to thank our director Pitoff you know that one name French guy thank you very much it was a joy to come to work every day and work with him really I mean I didn't know what the hell he was saying but I'm sure it showed in my performance, but it was truly a joy and a pleasure. And I also want to thank my acting coach, Ivana Chubbuck. She just wrote a book called The Power of the Actor. You all should brush out and get it.

49:13Could change your life, too.

49:16Jason Mantzoukas:All right. Thank you guys so much for listening. I don't know if you heard what's going on in the next room. I hope you didn't. As always, you can follow Jamie. You're on Twitter at? At Jamie Dunbow. And Jason, you're not on Twitter. June, you're at? At MissJuneDiane. I am at Paul Sheer. Remember to rate and review us on iTunes if you like the show. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Most ice cream is good, but not Jenny's. Jenny's ice cream is more like an obsession. What you get from over two decades of tasting and tweaking and throwing it out and starting over, chasing flavors until they feel alive.

49:56That might sound crazy, and that's because it is. Jenny's. Often imitated, never duplicated, always splendid.

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