Double Team w/ Owen Burke (Classic)

18:50And Yaz, by the way. I thought Dennis Rodman did a fine job. What now? I thought, look, Dennis Rodman is in basketball player. Yes. Are you sure? Yes. for what he had to do in this film, I thought he did a fine job. I thought he got better. I thought he did a fine job. There's that scene when he goes that Jack Paul Quinn is dangerous and he's like, I don't know. And then he like touches a wall with his hand and then it's just all dialogue from the back, like from the back of his head, like, I know you're dangerous. And then it cuts to him. But what the hell? I like danger. And it's like, he just turns his, changes his mind on a dime.

19:27By the way, I have a bigger issue with the writing because I didn't understand why all of a sudden he was joining forces with Jack Quinn. Made no sense. There was no incentive. Because it was a family because his son was in danger.

19:40Jason Mantzoukas:But first of all, let's even get to the reason why they even meet is suspect. Jack Paul Quinn works for the government. He's doing a government hit. Why does he have to go to some weird arms dealer to get weapons? This is a government hit. No, because he's working. He says he's working for the good guys. So I assume he was Van Damme's contact in Antwerp. He's working with the CIA or whoever it is. But he also looks like he's probably selling weapons. Because he has a room that's like Victoria's Secret or Betty Page shop. It's like black and white pictures of women in lingerie that you press. The doors open and there's just tons of weapons inside.

20:24weapons that they have no problem setting off in the very small room they're just shooting stuff throwing grenades like crazy i gotta just generally throughout the movie no police ever come there's buildings exploding there's never a fire truck never an ambulance never police no one no policeman is ever like what's that going on around the corner is that an explosion it's just like they get to do whatever they when they're in the hospital europe there's not even a doctor over

20:51Jason Mantzoukas:Over there. There's a lot of hospitals in this movie. A lot of hospitals. And there's no hospital staff at night. There's none. Ever. It's like they all go home at five. They're just babies crying alone. There's no nurse watching. That was the building. And they also turn off the lights, it seems like, in these hospitals. Apparently. All right, well, we'll keep the babies and the nurses. Shut off the lights. We'll be back in the end. Don't hook them up to any monitors. Just let them roam around free in their baby bins. That was really upsetting. Today's podcast is brought to you by our friends over at Squarespace.

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24:40Jason Mantzoukas:But again, I want to go back to Dennis Rodman. So again, we're led to believe that Jean-Claude Van Damme is an expert. You know, like the James Bond, and he just casually pulls a grenade pin. He's like, oh, what's this? Like, he's worked with grenades, we would assume. Well, this is some sort of like James Bond-y kind of doesn't look like a grenade grenade. Yeah, it's like a gold ring or something. Oh, okay. But still, they never show what it is exactly. You never get a clear shot of like, wait, what did he just do? It's almost like so much was done off camera. It's like, just pretend that you did something.

25:17Hey, don't we want to get an insert shot of the thing that he's pulling? No, no, no. It's just a big pen. We didn't invent a thing. We didn't make a thing. To me, I felt like - No, pizza's arrived on set. We're going to eat the pizzas now.

25:27Jason Mantzoukas:I feel like it is honestly like everyone did one take and they were all drunk and hung over from the night before partying. Because when you look at Van Damme, like he has bags. Like he looks better now than he did in this movie. I feel like this is at the height of just like I'm drinking, I'm partying, I'm doing coke. This whole thing feels like a tax shelter write off. Like that producers were renting out their own locations that they owned and just getting a tax rebate. And it just felt like, yeah, you know what? I'll do this. nothing matters it's not like they went out to make a movie they went to save money on taxes, international taxes by making a movie I want to talk about when they were also planning the mission to assassinate Mickey Rourke have we said that Mickey Rourke is the bad guy?

26:14Mickey Rourke is Stavros he doesn't put on any kind of foreign accent and he's Stavros and he's Stavros and John Club Van Damme is Jack Quinn which is the craziest part Yeah, with a full Eastern European accent. Here's the question. Now, is he named Jack Quinn so that American audiences can relate to him, even though he's European? Or is it for European audiences to celebrate an American hero played by a European? I think his name was Jack Quinn in the script. And I think they probably wanted Sylvester Stallone or they wanted somebody, Bruce Willis. And they didn't get him and they got JCVD. And they were like, you know what?

26:55Fuck it. Yeah. Don't change it. It doesn't matter. They're handing out the sides for the day, the script for the day. The actor's like, oh, we didn't change. Oh, it doesn't matter.

27:05Jason Mantzoukas:But they're setting up this assassination at one point in the movie. And they have, like, you remember in Back to the Future at the end when, like, Doc Brown makes, like, that incredibly detailed map. And he's like, okay, you'll go down Main Street and then you hit the thing. They also have a map exactly like that, like a three-dimensional map of an amusement park, like, to just be, like, a sniper hit. Yeah. Like, there's no need for building 3D models. They have models. They have scale models of all the rides. Like, back to the future style. They have a Ferris wheel. Like, the Ferris wheel's not coming into play.

27:36Jason Mantzoukas:Like, why do they need this? And I have to say, I kind of wish that Jack Quinn had shot Stavros' son. Because we didn't see who shot him. No. So, for us, though, it's like, oh, well, the whole thing is predicated on, like, revenge now. Well, what's weird, too, is that Jack... He didn't shoot him. Yeah, Jack Quinn could have just shot Stavros. Yes. And game over, we're done. That's it, a quick shot. But he hesitates, and because he hesitates, like, hundreds and hundreds of people die, apparently. No one ever gets in trouble. There's no sense of, like, oh, that's fine. You know, it's like, oh, it's such a botched crime.

28:11But you're going to go to this. Now you're going on vacation for the rest of your life. You just botched that. Hundreds of people died. Have fun. Take care. Well, and you're right, Owen. That gunfire, I would say, is going off. That whole sequence is like 10 minutes long.

28:24Jason Mantzoukas:Of everyone? Oh, yeah. Because it starts in an amusement park and goes into a hospital. Yeah. Well, because they're all hopped up on cotton candy and funnel kick. But I want to talk about also the reveal of the child. They're like, okay, he's making contact. Stavros is making contact. Who's that woman? Who's that woman? And the child is underneath her rain poncho. Like, as if, I don't know if that's a... But the child is like five. But again, he's revealed by her lifting, essentially lifting up her skirt. and a child walks out. Why if he's going to see, yeah, why wouldn't the child just be there the whole time?

28:58I mean, isn't it the whole thing? What's the value of her hiding a child in an amusement park? Because of the rain? Get him his own poncho. Everybody's riding rides. Everybody, you know what I mean? People do fine with the rain. No one stop it. And by the way, do you think they wrote the rain into it? No, I think they only had that amusement park that night and it happened to be raining.

29:17Jason Mantzoukas:And they just get a close up on this tiger. A wet tiger looks like the saddest, sickest thing. Oh, yeah. They have a long shot of this tiger pacing. But now, if the meeting was for Stavros to meet up with his family, wasn't he prepared? Like, oh, I might see his wife and kid. I'm going to get nervous. He's not meeting a contact at the amusement park. Yeah. It's not like it makes no sense. And then he doesn't kill him. And then Stavros is the one who starts shooting. He's the one who starts shooting everybody. Wait, but, but here's, this is the part of the movie that I really was like, holy shit.

29:53This just passed into a new level of crazy, which was Stavros is talking to his son and the mother. And he looks over at the tiger and the tiger looks up to where Van Damme is. Yeah, the tiger gives it away. The tiger tips him off. The tiger is a wild animal in a cage that's like, hey, bro, look up there. Have you ever seen Madagascar? These tigers are sore. It was the fuck. I was like, wait, does the tiger work for Stavros? This is ludicrous. And, of course, Stavros pulls out a gun and starts and instantly in one shot shoots the sniper girl. Yes. The one who said she could shoot the dick off a hummingbird.

30:37Jason Mantzoukas:And she gets shot through. I love these kind of shots where they shoot through the sniper lens and it goes through her eye. It's like the shot is so precise. We skipped over that. That was a great scene where they're planning in the scene with the map, the map of the amusement park. The two lines we just said one that I loved, which was, I can shoot with this. I can shoot the dick off a hummingbird. It was delivered so beautifully. It was so great. But then the other one was the entrance is like one of the other guys brings Van Damme in. And he's like, gentlemen, this is Delta One. Forget you ever saw him.

31:09I was like, well, he's still right there. We're all going to spend the rest of the day talking to him. Like, what do you mean forget you ever saw him? I couldn't stop thinking about those actors because as soon as I saw them, I'm like, oh, they're all going to die or we're never going to see them again. I'm like, oh, they're probably all staying in a hostel somewhere. They're not getting, they're just local hires. Standing there, they've been there all day.

31:30Jason Mantzoukas:Now this, if you would think, so they go into the amusement park, Then they get into a fight scene in a hospital where they're just throwing baby... In a nursery. Nursery, yeah, baby carriages. They get into a fight in a nursery. Where they're literally... I didn't like that. They're tossing babies in and out at each other. Yeah. And, like, you know, essentially Jack Paul Quinn is not going to let a baby, you know, get in the middle of it. I love that the babe... There's a huge... Another grenade that goes off in that elevator. And then he pushes the baby out of the way. And the baby is unharmed, even though there's flames going all around him.

32:03like knocked him out but then the baby's like meh meh meh meh so this whole thing ends with Stavros getting away the explosion from the grenade has knocked Jack Quinn out and then he wakes up this is where I jumped off the couch

32:23Jason Mantzoukas:and went what what are we watching continue he wakes up in the colony which for those of you who've seen the 1960s television show The Prisoner felt an awful lot like The Prisoner. Oh, it was such a direct ripoff of The Prisoner. And at this point, you're just like, what is... Made no sense. I was like, what is this groovy place for middle-aged men? So they live... That's what's weird about it is it made no sense, but it was also my favorite part of the movie. I wish the whole movie was that. It was like an Oakwood apartment for ex-spies. It was all spies who have presumably been killed in battle.

33:01The best of the best. Like from KGB, CIA, FBI. Oh, yes, exactly. From everywhere. From everywhere. But now they all work for The Colony, which is a top secret spy organization that monitors the world for global terrorism. And then they are the last line of defense between everything and absolute chaos. Yeah. Right? But they just analyze because they're never on the field. They can't ever have to. No, they can't leave the island.

33:28Jason Mantzoukas:They put on their virtual reality glasses and a very complicated system where they have to keep their hand down. They're in this Dr. Strangelove war room where they're watching, they're getting feeds from everybody, but they have to keep their hand in one place at all time, which made no sense to me. I just felt like that's a place. I don't trust those guys to stop terrorism. It looks like everyone's happy hour all the time on a cruise ship. It's like a Mediterranean island is what it looks like. It was like, that's when they shot Mama Mia or something. Yeah, it exactly looked like that. Their pool looked like that.

34:02Yeah.

34:02Jason Mantzoukas:It's basically Santorini. And they go like this. And they say, they get him, he wakes up. He's in this room. It's like, hey, hit this button if you want to live. And he hits the button. And then he's brought into this Dr. Strangelove room. And he hasn't even gotten up to speed on what is even happening. Oh, no. He's still covered in bandages. And they're like, Jack, figure this out or we're going to kill you. He's like, wait a second. Like, just like give him a little bit of time to catch up here. I loved when he's got the, there's a great, like, there's an introduction to all the ex-spies that are there.

34:33And he's like, oh, my God, you're this guy. You died in this thing. And, oh, my God, you're this guy. And he goes to one guy, oh, my God, you died in Lebanon. And he goes, Beirut, actually. And I'm like, Beirut's in Lebanon. Here's my question. Beirut is a city in Lebanon. Why? Isn't it? You died in Lebanon. Have I lost my mind? No, no, you are. But my question is, why does the colony take these guys at certain points? Like, why did they take Jack Quinn at that particular point? Because he failed his mission. Well, that was his punishment. I didn't understand that.

35:11Jason Mantzoukas:His punishment for letting Stavros go was going to the island. They showed that little video before they say, if you want to live, push the button. They showed him the video that says, you could have killed Stavros. You didn't. and so your mission was a failure. It's your fault. So now if you want to live, you're going to have to work it off, basically. I would have liked to seen the guy making that video too, just in After Effects. So everybody who's in there has failed at some sort of mission. Yeah, they've all been killed or they've all, quote unquote killed or whatever. I think they've all failed.

35:41They've all failed or they've retired.

35:43Jason Mantzoukas:But one guy, I don't justify who put this together though. Oh no. Yeah, who's in charge? It's probably the Illuminati, right guys? But you know, there's that one guy, I forget, like he hates him. And you're sort of like, oh, of course he is. But like, why? They never say, it's just like, I don't like you. Oh, no, because. They used to be bad guys together. No, because Jack Quinn says, I thought I killed him and blah, blah, blah. So that guy hates him because Jack Quinn came very close to killing him. Now they all are supposed to get along. Now everybody's bros. No, it seems to me like he has been.

36:14Jason Mantzoukas:By the way, there are no lady spies. No. No, of course not. No lady spies. It's like a real sausage fest on this island. And for the most part, no spies under 60. Yeah, they're all old. They're all old. Old, like, and they're all, like, upper crusty, they seem. It looks like, you know, like a place where the character from Sexy Beast would be, like, hanging out. Like, it's all these, like. Yeah. Oh, Ben Kingsley's character or Ray Winstone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's just like it's a Tommy Bahama commercial. They're all just, like, chilling. They're all in leisure wear. It's like magic hour.

36:45It's like, you know, they got loafers on. They're like, oh, let's go solve some crimes. There's one guy while they're in the Dr. Strangelove room, like hooked up to all the computers, like looking at the footage of a downed plane or something. And there's one guy who's wearing like a green checked golf jacket. I was like, what the fuck is this? Does everybody get to choose their own garbage clothes? Come on.

37:05Jason Mantzoukas:They get to wear whatever they want. They're getting their leisure time. Now, this is where I'm confusing the timeline because it seems like he has, this is again an ADR moment. He has failed in the assassination attempt. It has been more than 36 hours. He wakes up on this island. He solves a case. He seems to be on this island for a couple of days. And then you cut to that same rainy night where his wife is like outside by the pool. She runs in and answers the phone. It's like, hey, we want to buy your sculpture. And she's like, okay. But you could tell that in the movie. I don't think that's the same rainy night.

37:38Jason Mantzoukas:I think what it is is. Really? What I think it was is they ADR'd the phone conversation. They were like, your husband has been killed. because she starts bursting out in tears. Like, she's crying. And I think they were like, oh, we got to figure out how to get her to, like, Rome. Here's the big question. Was there a script? Was there a script, do you think, or did they just like, oh, we have this location, what are we doing? Because the way you're talking about it, it doesn't make sense now. You're like, yeah, nothing makes sense. No, things don't add up. I think he was on the colony for months.

38:08Yeah. That's what I think, too, because he had to

38:10Jason Mantzoukas:because he was shaving off his fingerprints. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Sorry, I can't go back to this. But his face was so emotional. Wait a minute, what? When he was peeling off his fingerprints. I had a really hard time with it. When he used a razor. Yeah, no, you really had a problem with that, huh, Jen? Yes. I couldn't look at it myself. I could not look at it. He takes an X-Acto knife and cuts off his thumbprint. Yes. He has no, if you look at his face, it's completely emotionless. It's just like, bum, ba-dum, bum, bum. He's just like, bum, bum, bum, bum. This doesn't hurt. This is not weird to me at all.

38:39I'm just like. And he perfectly, it's like in Goodfellas when they're in prison. making the, like, shaving with a razor blade the garlic so that it's so thin that it must, and he does that to his thumb, like the thinnest layer of just his thumbprint. It's perfect. Let's just talk about, can I just talk about the fancy hotel room workout? Oh. Oh, my God. Like, I was like. That was amazing. This is insane. Like, it's just like a Pilates cigarette smoking whiskey pre-masturbation workout. There's like a tub lift. Yeah, the tub lift. I was like, what is this guy? It was such a great sequence, though.

39:16I loved all of that. Wait, what? I loved it. You loved the training montage? I loved the training run.

39:22Jason Mantzoukas:The self-training montage. By the way, why did he even need to... I mean, I guess he needs to self-training. Because he was injured. Oh, okay. I think because he was so injured that he needed to get himself back in fighting shape. They get him shirtless a lot in this movie, too. The thing was, he knew he had to get out of there. He was already sort of devising the plan to get out. It was so difficult to get out of there. He realizes he needs to get off the island. But basically, it wasn't that difficult. All he did was jump off a cliff, swim to the thing, and hold on. That was it. Well, and shave off a fingerprint.

39:51Oh, yeah. You got that thing. And then we got to talk about, I mean.

39:55Jason Mantzoukas:I'm very excited if you're bringing it up. I'm bringing it up. He's swimming underwater because he jumps off this cliff, and he's got to swim to this raft to get on the plane, the cargo plane, to get out. And the guy who doesn't like him, we talked about before, swims up behind him. How did he know he was escaping? In full scuba gear. Yeah, with full scuba gear. where the lasers are happening and all that kind of stuff because there's lasers that prevent you from swimming. Well, but the lasers have been turned off. A bag. He puts a bag over his head, which would give him air. It would give him air underwater.

40:26You don't strangle underwater. Oh, this is great. Thank you for the air. No, it's like he already doesn't have air, so you're giving him more air. Well, what I thought and realized later I was wrong was what the upper crusty British guy tells Van Damme when he gets there is if somebody tries to escape, The guardian is assigned to go and get them. Everybody has a guardian.

40:48Jason Mantzoukas:Again, that would come into play. We'll get to how it comes into play. But I immediately thought, oh, his nemesis guy, the tall, blonde, doff, longer guy, must be his guardian. And that's why he's showing up with the scuba gear. And he's going to get him. In fact, not the case. Nope, not at all. That guy just happens to be in the ocean, scuba gearing? He would have to know that because there's lasers there that prevent you from swimming. and they turn it off for that clock when the plane comes so they can get the shipment. So that guy had to go, all right, I scuba dive for five minutes a day in between laser stuff.

41:21Jason Mantzoukas:When the lasers come, I go down. My recreation. Who was his guardian? The upper crust British guy. I didn't realize that. Belok from Raiders. Which was awesome. I want to also just bring up, and we'll mention it later when it really comes into play, but Coke definitely was a sponsor of this movie. Oh, you think? Because Coke plays a very pivotal role in the escape, but even a better pivotal role in the finale. And it also plays a role in a fight sequence. Yes, with the cans. Coke is the hero in this film. Oh, yeah. Coke in Europe. I mean, well, I guess it's true. It's a lot in Europe, I guess.

41:55Jason Mantzoukas:But Jean-Claude Van Damme's character definitely drinks Coke, uses Coke a lot. And we're not talking about cocaine, guys. You should be. Coca-Cola. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, for me, summer is tricky. travel's picking up, kids are out of school. There's adventure on the horizon, but there's also just normal things to do. I mean, summer demands are tough and it can make you feel overwhelmed and you're just kind of sometimes counting down the minutes until the kids are back in school. Well, guess what? Whether you're someone who thrives or just survives in summer, you can also make time to take care of yourself during these warm months.

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45:53You know, just put him in gear and have him die this way. And there's no thought. Because now I feel like we're at maybe halfway through the movie. I don't know if we're even halfway. Okay, well, I feel like once we get to the end of the colony, that sort of...

46:09Jason Mantzoukas:Yeah, sure. Why is this movie called Double Team? Wait a second. Hold on. Because you got two guys. There's two in one. Because him and Rodman become like a team-up. And that happens. This is my problem. That happens so late in the movie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This movie is not a two-hander. It's not. With Rodman and Van Damme at all. If it wasn't Rodman, he wouldn't have been on the poster. It really is the, it's only the last 30 minutes of the movie. That they team up. That Rodman and Van Damme are a team. The first hour of the movie is just a Rodman, I mean, is rather a Van Damme nonsense festival.

46:46Well, here's a question. Do you think that they were like, this is going to be really exciting that Dennis Rodman is doing the picture? Oh, yes. And they were like super fired up. We're going to let him wear whatever he wants. He's a three-peat. Everyone loves him. He's a winner. And then they just saw what kind of actor he was and like, all right, cut him out of this. cut him out of this and let's just make this a Jean-Claude Van Damme picture because it's like

47:06Jason Mantzoukas:I think what it is is they were like we want Dennis Rodman let's shoehorn him into something like there was no way that there was no way there was like a guy named Yaz yeah there was a script that oh really yes that there was just his journey Jack Quinn's journey to get his son and whatever and then they shoehorn Rodman in I think Rodman is so like Because he has no motivation to join this. No. Cannot at all. He does have the family motivation, but that comes after he says, what the hell motivation. And previously there's the money motivation. Because he's like, this is a picture of the sonogram of my baby.

47:44But why does Rodman care about that? Because he's like a fucking respectable dude. Let me ask you guys this. He's like, why didn't you tell me that first? I'm in. I just would love to talk about the fact that Dennis Rodman does speak in basketball terms. And they speak to him in basketball terms. As if he is a basketball player. As if he is a basketball player. They parachute in a giant basketball. What was that? They jumped out. That's his invention. His invention is a basketball parachute. It's his invention that he didn't want to go like Van Damme pushed him down into it. It was like, I don't want to do my own invention.

48:16And it's so weird because he's not a basketball player. He's a basketball player who's playing an arms dealer. So why would this guy love basketball references? No. It doesn't. But so many of his one-liners are like basketball zingers. Here, listen to this one.

48:35Oops, airball. You need practice, man. I hate practice, but I never miss twice, brother.

48:46Jason Mantzoukas:Didn't he get in trouble for skipping practice? That was his whole thing. It's all like inside jokes about him not going to practice. The weird thing, though, about that parachute, the basketball parachute, is that it doesn't actually, it looks like a basketball, but then when it lands, it just, it just, it just kind of opens up like an egg. I thought it was going to bounce and I was excited about that. And then Jean-Claude Van Damme leaves him in the field and he's just like, he pushes him down, but they don't work together. He's like, I'll see, go back to Antwerp. As soon as they land, he says, go back to Antwerp.

49:13Why push him out of a plane if you're not even going to take him with you? He's like, see you in Antwerp. And he's like, hey. And then, this is what I tried, I rewound this scene a few times just because I didn't know what was going on. I was like, well, where is he? Where is he going? Whose house is this? I was like, is that Stavros' house? He never says. He just, I was like, what point is this? It's just, he just goes to a house and he sees a baby. No, no, that's his house. That's his South of France train house. That was the train house. That was the train house. He was going to see his wife.

49:44That was the train house? Yes. They blew up? He thought his wife, he thought she had had the baby already. No, he thought she would be there because he was trying to figure out what happened because Stavros said he had the butterfly. When they're in the colony, there's a terrorism act. And one of the pictures Van Damme zooms in on and Stavros has left him a message spray painted on the wall. It says, Q, I have your butterfly. But Van Damme doesn't say anything to anybody. And that's what prompted him to escape. Which, by the way, is a giant like that's a very elaborate plan that he's going to graffiti on one wall.

50:17Jason Mantzoukas:Why does Stavros think he's still alive? Stavros knows he's in the colony? That makes no sense. Is that real? He never says anything about that. And how does Yaz know about the colony? Because he's like, remember when he meets up with Stavros and talks about his kids? I mean, he meets up with Yaz. Yaz is like, I don't even believe in the colony. It's like, well, how do you even know about the colony? It doesn't even make sense. Like, why are you bringing it up? Like, no one asked you. No one asked you about the colony, Yaz. Well, so he goes to the house, though, to see if his wife is still there.

50:47I guess that makes sense because I was like, what baby is this? That's what I thought too. Because his baby wasn't born, but I guess that makes sense.

50:52Jason Mantzoukas:But it was an elaborate plan. And that crazy nanny. That was scary. He really is. That was scary. He doesn't want to shoot that woman who is just straight up shooting at him. She set up a bomb to kill him and then she shoots at him. And then she stops shooting at him for a while. Remember he shoots the other guys and then it's like nothing's happening. And then he gets shot at again like she would stop shooting. Here's the deal. When people are shooting at you, even if it's a woman, you're allowed to shoot her. Yeah. She's paid. James Bond has done it. And not only that, but she looks like a zombie.

51:22She weirdly looked like she was in some sort of hypnotic state. And what's the deal with... Right, why? I mean, she was... Because she was in shock from the explosion. From the explosion. Yeah. Oh. But it wasn't just her... Like, I know what you're saying. Like, she looked a little charred. But her eyes, she was playing a zombie. She looked a little charred. She was slightly singed. How about the grenade that goes in a pool and all of a sudden it's the biggest explosion you've ever seen out of a pool? Fireball out of a pool. There are no fewer than 15 grenades thrown in this movie. And depending on the location, they either make a very small explosion or like a Hiroshima level explosion.

52:03Yeah, that one in the hospital like took up a whole hallway. And it's just like, it's a grenade. It goes pop, you know.

52:10Jason Mantzoukas:Oh, it's so bananas. Can we talk about when Jean-Claude Van Damme goes undercover as like Jean-Denis Van Damme? When he goes like, he dresses like Robert Smith. Oh, that was amazing. Yeah. Then, you know, because he's sitting with all those goth people and he's got this like, this frizzy like carrot top wig and these round sunglasses. Like, he's got a boombox on his shoulder. Like, I am just cool guy. Oh my God. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Jean-Claude Van Damme. And with Dennis Rodman in a zoot suit kind of like. Yeah. Like, I don't like he looks like he looks like when the Fox in Warner Brothers cartoons gets dressed up to go out.

52:44But when they steal a mini and Dennis Rodman's head sticks out the top, like it was like a Mr. Bean cartoon. Not cartoon. Mr. Bean thing. Can we? Yeah. What was that about? That was that was just like they're just having a good time on set. I think like let's just play. There's something with that whole setup in the park in Rome when like because it's like every agent is going to be there. The way they set that up, he's like, what is your plan? And Jean-Claude Van Damme says, I have no idea. But I'm going to let Stavros do what he thinks that I'll do. And then I will be there when he does it. But it's like the most vague.

53:23It's like a kid trying to get out of trouble. Okay, so then Van Damme. He says, are you going to send him an email message? Yes. And then he does on that device, whatever that was. And then it says on the top of it, fax.

53:37Jason Mantzoukas:but now wait here's the other thing too again Jean-Claude Van Damme we've seen him not take the shot when he has the shot we've seen him accidentally launch a grenade he's touching too many things and now we see him see his wife and the only thing he needs to do is not make a giant scene and go my wife my wife and run across the square and blow the entire mission and he does that like why why because he's He's just so emotional, I guess. His wife is giving birth. Who was the man on horseback shooting a machine gun? Made no sense. Who in some sort of period garb, who was that man? It was impossible to figure out.

54:18Yeah, but it was impossible to figure out who anybody was and who they worked for. Everyone was just shooting at anyone. You're like, is that a bad guy? Is that a bad guy? It was never clear to me who were good guys and who were bad guys. None of the good guys were girls who were shot in the back. They were like, oh, that poor person. And the bridal party.

54:33Jason Mantzoukas:Yeah. And we've never, now, so far, we're back in the movie, we're not even engaging in the idea that he's being hunted down by his guy who was trying to kill him from the colony. Like, that is not really - But that's barely present. But that's what I'm saying. Like, you would think that that would be - Oh, right. That only comes back at the very end. That's what I'm saying. You would think that that would be a motivator throughout the second act or whatever. Sure, sure. That would be great. That would be great. The guy follows - And, you know, the guy does follow him, but he doesn't do anything.

55:00No. He just sort of, like, follows him. He goes, there he is. Until they, spoiler alert, blow up the Coliseum. Right. Then he's there to be like. Well, okay. Get out of here. That's what I said. Get out of here. This is my big problem. So I'm not sure when this happens, but he somehow gets to the hotel that his wife had been staying at. Or under Stavros' watch. And he finds a label.

55:28Jason Mantzoukas:Prescription bottle. No, it's not a bottle. It's a label that's stuck on a mirror. It's a label that's stuck on a mirror that says Pitocin. Right. So I guess this is what I was trying to understand. Did they do that on purpose to draw him out to the hospital? I'm assuming. No, but they always put it there. But they also had to figure out what hospital had given women Pitocin in the last, like. Oh, but who did they go to figure that out? Oh, the brothers, right? Cybermonks. Cybermonks. Cyber Bucks in, like when you're watching, when you buy it on iTunes and are watching it, all the little chapters are titled.

56:03Yeah. This chapter is titled Cyber Bucks.

56:05Jason Mantzoukas:Well, I wish it was Cyber Brothers because the entire time Dennis Rodman's like, my brothers are going to help us out. My brothers, my brothers, my brothers. And then you realize they actually are brothers, like Franciscan brothers. And they learn how to fist bump. That's the cutest thing. They learn how to fist bump. And then he says, we use the internet. And Dennis Rodman like rolls his eyes like, isn't this crazy to use the internet? And by the way, their internet setup is akin to the Adam West Batman computer setup. It is giant, and it is just massive. How about, just before we continue on with Cybermonks, when he finds the Pitocin label, he then gets into a fight with a gentleman who has a switchblade in his foot?

56:44Yeah. Yes. That's how he just holds a switchblade with his foot. I couldn't figure that out for the life of me. Like, you've got a switchblade. Cool, man. Use it in your hand. And he jumps. And he does. does he like jumps out of his shoes yes and then his shoes go crazy and john gov and m's like what the hell and then then he goes so he had it in his shoe yes holding it in his shoe in his thing

57:06Jason Mantzoukas:that's very uncomfortable but that's also a james bond thing because james bond used to fight a woman who had a dagger in her show a shoe and she was in the shoe i get this was he was he was holding a switchblade between his toes right yeah i guess we're to understand that he's better with the switchblade by foot. You know what? I don't know that that's true. I don't know that that's possible. But again, who made that decision?

57:34Dead silence.

57:36Jason Mantzoukas:Someone had to go, you need to hold this in between your feet. I bet it was the stuntman who was like, you know what I can actually do? Put this in between my feet. I can put this in my feet. And the director's like, yeah, fuck it. Let's do it. And then the other thing that was strange about it was there's a guy in the hallway who has an El Mariachi-style suitcase gun? Yes. Then I was like, this has already been done, fella. We've already seen El Mariachi. Well, no, not at this point. Yeah. And then he shoots. What, 97? Yeah, I think so. And then he shoots everything, and then the bellboy downstairs looks up, and then he goes, I'm going to call the police.

58:13He goes, are you sure? Is there something like, are you sure? He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just going to call the police. Yeah. It's just so casual. And no police come. Now, my question is, so his wife has been given Pitocin to induce labor on her due date. That's the big thing.

58:29Jason Mantzoukas:Is Mickey Rourke going to take the baby and then immediately kill it? Is that what we are led to believe? I think. Or just take it as his own? See, this is the thing about Mickey Rourke's motivation. A part of me thought he may take this baby because he wants a son. Well, I think he's just using the baby as bait to draw out Van Damme. I agree. Because he's going to kill Van Damme. I think he ultimately wants to kill the baby and make Van Damme know the feeling he feels. Even though Van Damme didn't kill his son. He blames Van Damme for the death of his son. He doesn't give a Van Damme what he wants.

59:02So there's a doctor. I can't believe it took us this long. There's a doctor who's taking care of Van Damme's wife. A lady doctor. A lady doctor. In the 90s is almost unheard of. Sure. Who, for some reason, becomes a good guy. Yeah, I couldn't figure that out either. I couldn't figure out if she was in on it or if she was a real doctor. Because it's so vague. I was just like, what is going on? Is she in good hands or is she not in good hands? There's so many. Ultimately, she was in good hands with her. His plan, Stavros' plan is terrible. You know, like there's so much there's so many like completely circumstantial and coincidental things that have to happen in order for it to actually come to fruition.

59:53Like right after this, when he takes off with the baby, Van Damme catches up with his wife. The doctor turns nice and saves the wife's life. But then Van Damme chases him to the Coliseum. And in the Coliseum, Stavre, Mickey Rourke's setup is there's a man versus tiger fight. He's going to say to Van Damme, you have to fight this tiger, but there's a minefield. So the floor of the Coliseum is a minefield, and you're going to fight this tiger. Now, if you Star Wars, can't you assume the tiger's going to step on a mine? The tiger doesn't know to avoid the mine.

1:00:29Jason Mantzoukas:No, this tiger's the one that kind of let him, he became friends with the tiger. The tiger's very smart. I didn't even think about that. The tiger would have no idea where a mine is. It doesn't matter. The tiger could very easily have been like, walk, walk, walk, explode. okay that's over well how did Dennis Rodman move the explosives without blowing them he didn't move the explosives he just moved the little markers but he also here's the thing too like at the end spoiler alert that the whole one mine will explode the whole coliseum yes so Mickey Rourke by being there would die anyway if he stepped on that's a really good point Owen that's a really good point I was waiting and I don't want to give away the ending no please we're here we're there but it really is like I was waiting for him to like Van Damme The movie starts off, he's so happy with his wife and his child, or that he's expecting a child.

1:01:16Then at the end, it's really like, goodbye, hey, Rodman, take care of them. Yes, take care of them. See ya. And he never reconnects with his wife and kid. That's the last you see of them. That was his whole driving force. The one thing he would love to see. That he wanted to do more than anything else. And he's like, all right, I'll see you later. And then it just ends with Rodman with a burning coliseum. They're probably going to blame me for this. Oh, my God. They're probably going to blame me for this one, too. Like, what did they blame you for before? For all the, because he's such a former Chicago Bull.

1:01:45Also, Rodman says to the colony guy, well, I guess it's my turn to disappear. And I thought that was Rodman being like, take me to the colony. Yeah. And the guy's just like, ha ha, and drives off. Yeah, he goes, smoke screen, and he throws down his coin. Yeah, what was that about? Okay, I want to understand this. So, upper crust British guy has a gun pointed at Van Damme. Yes. And he is the guardian. Right. And then Rod – but he says, I want a lock of your hair and your shirt. Yes. Is that because – Because he wants to bring it back to the colony and go, I killed him. Okay. That's what he wants, right?

1:02:21But here's the thing. Then why does Rodman throw the smoke grenade?

1:02:24Jason Mantzoukas:Because he seemed like he was going to let him go, right? Yeah. Yeah. But here's the problem with the lock of hair and the shirt. At the colony, they seem to have video feed on every inch of the world. Oh, yeah. And he already connected when he was with the Cyber Monks. He already connected with them and said, thanks for looking out. Yeah. Love Jimmy or whatever. And then they like smile at each other like, yeah, he's a good guy. Like, wait, no one's planning on killing him. They're like helping him. Yeah. The colony appears to be helping him except for the Guardian. Well, maybe the Guardian is really helping him.

1:02:57And the Guardian is kind of helping him. This is the weird thing about the colony. You know, it seems like for some people it's a retirement community where they never want to leave and would never try to escape. Right. And then for others, I think if you go to the colony before your retirement age, it's a really tough place. But if you are –

1:03:14Jason Mantzoukas:You're ready to be retired. But yeah, if you're like over 60, then like why not stay there? They eat well. They're probably getting really nice dinner. They've got a pool. They've got drinks. The weather seems great. Permanent club. Let me talk about one thing before we – and we've got to wrap it up. But one thing that we've got to talk about when the Coliseum is exploding. the baby Dennis Rodman and Jean-Claude Van Damme are all saved by a coke machine yes several they hide behind a coke machine it's the original yeah you're gonna say it's the original nuking the fridge exactly it's the same move as Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull getting yeah it was the I was just like this is so crazy and here's something else the baby's not crying I gotta tell you I have three kids if I take a shit too loud the baby's cries you know it's just like that baby would be crying.

1:04:02Hey man, you gotta quiet those shits down. It's crazy. They take a Moses... I take a gyro poop. Is it the noise you're making with your mouth or with your ass that's so loud? It's really both. I try to harmonize. But it really, like a kid, I do have to pee sitting down or I'm gonna wake my baby. And it's so annoying. And this baby's just like so mellow as flames, hot. The baby was shoved inside a brick wall

1:04:27Jason Mantzoukas:at one point. And the tiger almost eats the baby. at one point. Yes. Van Damme karate kicks that tiger. That looked pretty good, actually. That was amazing. By the way, this is the movie that I always want to see. Tigers have been kicked. People have been shot in the back. Children are assassinated. I mean, there was nobody on set going, eh, maybe we should hold off on shooting the women. Eh, we shouldn't kill the kids. This is crazy. I'll tell you what, when the tiger tipped off Mickey Rourke as to the location of Van Damme, that's when I was like, this movie is on a whole other level. Listen to this Mickey Rourke monologue.

1:05:02Jason Mantzoukas:I'm going to give you a chance to save your son. If you live today, you'll get to know your son.

1:05:13And if you don't, raise him as my own. You know, men are strong, Jack, but the tiger is stronger. I mean, that's basically his Oscar moment in many respects. His Oscar moment during the point of his career when he has to be in movies like this. Yeah. Well, you know what? I got to say, when he realizes he's standing on that mine and he starts to cry, he actually is playing that scene really well. He's really doing it. And you know, Mickey's like, yeah, I'm doing this stupid movie. I just got to do it for money and whatever. And it's just like, but he's also trying. He's trying to work.

1:05:49Jason Mantzoukas:By the way, he did do a serious martial arts regimen to have the physical appearance in the film in preparation for the fight. Oh, I don't doubt it. He looked great. Obviously, we had opinions about this movie, but there are other people who thought differently. So now it's time for Second Opinions.

1:06:12Jason Mantzoukas:That's right. These are five-star reviews, cold from Amazon. Five-star reviews of Double Team. Now, very rarely do we run into this problem where there are not many. There were only four. And I picked the best two because even the four weren't even that good. I'll read the first one to you guys. This is from a review just by a customer. That's what happens when people don't put their full name in. I've seen most action films made in Hollywood since 80, but I've never seen one like this before. This film is an uncredible miracle work. Intriguing plot, beautiful fight scenes, various camera works.

1:06:50Jason Mantzoukas:Whether you're an action fan or not, you have to see this movie. I give it a six out of five. The first time, he's had a 6 out of 5. Well, it seems to work for that movie that a 6 out of 5 because that makes no sense. So it works perfectly for that movie. What does various camera works mean? I think that the fact that they loaded the camera correctly. Maybe. They had very various camera angles? That's it. And I also like that he's seen most action films since 80. This is the one that goes down to me the history of the most confounding 5-star review. Now, that was a 6-star review. This is a five-star review from April 11th, 1999.

1:07:30Jason Mantzoukas:So it was not made recently. Yes, it was very nice and cool. But my parents... I'm going to read it again. Sorry. Yes, it was very nice and cool. But my parents have a small house in the country my dog has never seen to England and I like videos and music. See you on Monday. Yours sincerely, John Romanski Wow, he's not even talking about the movie Five star review for Double Team What has happened that this happened? It's almost like he accidentally responded to an email or a Facebook post in an Amazon review Yes, it was very nice and cool But my parents have a small house in the country My dog has never seen to England I like videos and music What does this mean?

1:08:22I think he had a couple websites going at the same time, like a couple pages up. Yeah. See you on Monday. It was a cut and paste mistake. Yeah. I really feel, or this is the person who wrote the additional dialogue recording for Double Team, you know?

1:08:36Jason Mantzoukas:This was amazing. I'm very excited that we all got to talk about this. Big thank you to our very special guest, Owen Burke. Thank you. Can I just say who the big winner is in Double Team? I wish I had thought of this earlier and maybe, I don't know. The big winner for Double Team for me are the guys who worked in the studio where they did the ADR. Like the overtime that these guys got. Well, hey, you know what? We can only see half of his face here. We can put in a whole paragraph right here. They really did. If you really watch it, most of the dialogue is done in ADR. Even when you see their mouths moving, it's all dubbed.

1:09:12Like these guys put their kids through college. The kids got braces. They got summer homes. They got that boat they always wanted all from the ADR of this movie.

1:09:21Jason Mantzoukas:I 100 % agree with you because also here's the thing. The ADR in this movie is all plot. So I don't know what plot they actually shot. I feel like they just shot set pieces. But that being said, would you recommend this movie? I 100 % say rent this. You will enjoy the hell out of it. It's awesome. It's very watchable and enjoyable. Yeah. It's very fun. It's like, you know, that turn in a David Lynch movie where he changes realities. Like in Lost Highway, you're following one group of people, then another. In Mahon Drive, you're following one group of people, then another. This is like that turn, that split second turn.

1:09:53That's the whole movie. You're just like, I don't know where I'm going with this.

1:09:56Jason Mantzoukas:But you are in for the ride. Thank you, guys. Big thank you to Owen Burke. You can listen to his podcast, Owen and TJ Read the News, right here on Earwolf. It's super hilarious. Well, thank you so much for having me. I'm a huge fan of the show. So I really appreciate it. Amazing guest. Having me. Thank you. We can follow you on Twitter at? Owen Burke. I don't know. That was it. Yeah, that was it. It's at Owen Burke. Jason what do you got Hashtag Owen Burke Hashtag prematurely gray

1:10:26I'll say it again Go see Ride Along I love that

1:10:30Jason Mantzoukas:I really enjoyed my In theater experience June what do you got My twitter Handle is And you have something on Redbox don't you Oh yeah ask backwards available on Redbox. Fantastic movie. And of course, just another reminder, you can get my comic book, Aliens vs. Parker, at Amazon.com. Just type in Aliens vs. Parker. That's easy. Or my name. You can find it. It's a cool comic book. I think it's funny. People like it. And I think you will too. You can also get it in your local comic book shop. Support independent comic book shops. They're the best. And a big thanks to our engineer, Cody. Thank you very much, Cody.

1:11:10Jason Mantzoukas:Thank you to all the people that help this show every single week. I'm talking about people like Averill Halley, who pulled all of our clips, Nate Kiley, who does all of our research. I'm talking about Leanna Waldron, who does all of our amazing design, and, of course, Katie Dyer, who does our How Did This Get Made social media profiles. Oh, my God, she's awesome. Thank you guys so much, and we'll see you next time. Toodaloo. Bye. Exterior Remodels, Inner Monologues, brought to you by Power. The house looks good, like really good. That siding, stunning. The roof, elevated. Windows, I mean, wow.

1:11:47The process, smooth. The neighbors, jealous.

1:11:52Jason Mantzoukas:Choose Power Home Remodeling and remodel how you think about remodeling. Schedule your free quote on windows, siding, roofing, and doors at powerhomeremodeling.com. Power, our work shows. Hi, Diva. It's Rachel. And Jordan. Yeah, hi. Quick question. Why are you not spending your Venmo balance? Yeah, we're concerned. You can, like, buy stuff with it. Ugh, you love buying stuff. And earn cash back on eligible purchases. Mmm, you love purchasing eligible things. So, the money your friend sent you yesterday, that's today's ramen, or rideshare, or eye patches. The skincare kind, not the pyro kind. Spend with Venmo, and you can earn cash back with Venmo Stash.

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