Jason X LIVE! w/ Rob Huebel & Jenny Slate (HDTGM Matinee)

25:48So I was watching the movie with one headphone in right by her room and watching the baby monitor like this and it was fucking... The baby monitor was what was scaring me. Because, you know, it's just like a little tiny person like... I will say something. I'm like, that's dumb. By the way, you need to score your baby monitor to let the bodies hit the floor.

26:20Hey, babe, come here. Look at this. Let the bodies hit the floor! Just your adorable child.

26:32I watched this movie on an airplane because I needed to cram it in before I got back here. Never say the phrase, cram it in again. I want it soft. I had to appreciate it. I want it soft. Cram it in while it's soft. I was sitting next to a child and the... My child? Yes. Who was doing fine. Who is fast asleep? You're sleep training my baby on a plane. And you know, that's how you're supposed to do it, by the way. They don't tell you that in the books. You take your baby in the plane. You gotta plane train them. Plane train an automobile. So I'm watching this movie on an airplane next to a child.

27:15I feel like the first scene, the kid looks over at my iPad and sees somebody's head get sliced off. I'm like, ooh. And I kind of cover up my iPad. and then I'm watching it further and then there's that scene with the two girl campers and it's the only time that real nudity is in the movie. I'm like, ah! And then I turn it like this. There's real nudity earlier in the movie. Very little with the robot. The robot's nipples? They fall off. It was so clinical. Wait, let's get to that. The nipples fall right off. We'll get there. Okay, okay. Sorry, sorry. I have a 30-minute monologue about that. So I got nervous and the nudity came on with the kid that I turned my iPod, my iPad out to the aisle, which meant that I was just flashing.

28:03Which meant that you were basically like, hey, anybody want to get a look at this? Check it out. It was so, I was like, oh, I was really mortified. And then I was like, now I'm like this fucking creepo who's like watching like a Jason movie on my iPad. Like everyone's like watching like Baby Driver and Spider-Man. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Like, you're watching, like, legit trash. Like, and I bought, I clearly bought it. It's not even on the seat-back entertainment. No. It's like, I gotta watch this shit either. I don't wanna watch what, I don't wanna watch what you've got. I've got my own, what I think is better.

28:44That's the, that's the message you're sending is, my watching is more important than what you have on offer. And it's this. I tried to make my note-taking really apparent because I just didn't want it to be like, well, clearly he's doing it for some sort of reason. I'm a writer. A quill and a bottle of ink.

29:10Taking notes, taking notes. Just me taking notes. I have a, just to back up, a question about this opening scene and then we should probably move on. Yeah, sure. Why am I driving the podcast? You know what? This is a hostile takeover. But isn't this, the scene where they go in and Jason's chained up and then they come back and the guy puts the coat over his face. Isn't that just stolen from Silence of the Lambs? That is the scene from Silence of the Lambs. Yeah. No, I feel like this guy, this writer, didn't have any issue with that. He said the movie is based so much on Alien that he named one of the characters after Tom Skerritt's character in the Alien film.

29:54Like, he named... Yeah, every single character. Like, the cowboy hat fucking cop. Yeah. Like... Everybody. It is... It really is. Just... Man, Skerritt. We... I mean, like, the guy's a legend. I was gonna talk about Alien more, and then I was just like, we need more Tom Skerritt in the world. Just saying. That mustache?

30:21Oh, I'll sit in this. I don't care. All right, so here we are. We're at Camp... No, no, no, Paul, Paul.

30:38Scary. All right, let's go. So here we are at Camp Crystal Lake Research Facility, a place that's seemingly uninhabited, with no lights, and very damp. There was literally water on the floor. They have this test subject. He's a serial killer. They want to hold. They yet let him keep his hockey mask on, which seems like they would... I think that you'd want to see what was under the hockey mask, or you wouldn't have to let him... There's a weird line where they're first assessing him where they say that hockey has been outlawed. Well, that's in the future. In 2024 was when they outlawed hockey.

31:15But they don't tell us why hockey has been outlawed. football's still going on on Earth, too, in this movie, Hockey. The guy realizes it's a hockey mask, and I was like, obviously, they're in the future, but they're, like, 450 years in the future. Yeah. Like, I don't think a hockey mask would be that recognizable. Yeah, if it's been outlawed for that long. But also, their technology, they're using, like, FaceTime. Oh, they are also wearing half-shirts. they're wearing they're all in chenille sweaters everybody's wearing half shirt why are they wearing that in a lab like she's like giving him an operation in the horniest sweaters why are they those two dorks are so horny and then they just go and talk for no reason why don't you guys come back when you're more focused and they're like okay we will yeah whoa that's crazy science it really is transplanting all of the horniness of summer camp onto a spaceship which is so weird A spaceship out of a CW show And I mean that in no offense To CW You know what though?

32:22Offense to CW But really bad graphics They're putting CW on blast There's some digital blood in this That is also really bad When the guy gets his arm cut off I had to go back and go Just fucking try Try to make the blood spurt The first arm that gets cut off of like the dork. By the way, why would he be allowed on that science expedition? He's like a dumbass. He's like the stupidest. Why would they have brought him? And he needs it. You can't have that kind of hair if you work in a lab. Have your hair out. I know you think it's Moose from Step Up, but it's not.

33:04So basically, but we won't even know, like, so, you know, Jason is accidentally frozen. This space crew comes like salvaging Earth One, but we don't even know what this crew is, they don't seem like they have any job. Like in Alien, they're like, oh, they're like space truckers, essentially. Like, you know, on Serenity, they're like pirates, you know, they're kind of doing clandestine stuff. Here, it just looks like a bunch of young, good-looking people who are kind of all equal scientists. It's like a school. It's like a mobile school, I think. Yeah, oh yeah, right, there is a school element.

33:39And he's a professor. And he loves his nipples to be young. Yeah, even 450 years from now, he's still... 450 years from now, he's wearing current day, like, negligee. What was the line that the girl says about her midterm? Oh, no, right? She's like, do it, do it. And then he goes, you pass. Which is, like, such a funny thing to say at orgasm. By the way, some of you guys... You pass. I'm going to guess in this audience, two of you are going to have sex tonight. Scream you pass. You pass. Or if you're listening to this on the podcast with your lover, scream, you pass. You pass! Let's just hear it in real time here.

34:26Right there? Yeah! Come on! Come on! You pass! That device is too big. I thought when she first brought it in, it was gynecological equipment. That's what I'm talking about. I don't like this already, and then I didn't like this more than the thought of the thing that I didn't like. What do you think? My question is, is this the tool's intended use? Or is this an alternative use? Maybe she just grabbed it. She's like, oh, I'm about to see Professor, and just grabbed it on her way from the lab. Oh, I'm going to grab champagne. She was really thinking about the rosé, yeah. And this, like something that is like hedge trimming shears in size.

35:10Oh, I mean. Is she having sex? She has her underwear on. That's the other thing that I was just about to say and then I just stopped myself because I was like, I don't know if I can live through what I'm about to say. You go, Rob. Well, when I have sex... If you die, we will have lightning strike you to reanimate you. And then, apparently, this man climaxing is what awakes Jason. Wait, really? Yeah. Because he doesn't like horniness. Yeah, that's the one thing that we know. He doesn't. He hates fucking teens. He doesn't hate fucking... He hates teens that fuck. But he hates fucking teens. He hates fucking teens.

35:53He's a real prude. He fucking hates fucking teens. And he can smell jizz. He can smell jizz. But he immediately kills the person who was bringing him back to life, who seemed to be the only one that was doing her job. Yeah, by the way, that was really violent. Like, her entire body was sucked out of a four-inch hole vent. And before she got sucked, she said, this sucks. Yeah, on so many levels. Yeah, this sucks on so many levels. By the way, not to pull the rug out from under us, but at the beginning of the movie, they set up that they can reanimate arms and everything. Who cares if anyone gets killed?

36:33We'll bring them back. Right. It doesn't matter if any of us get killed. Like, why would we possibly be upset? It's like, oh, okay. Except for the girl that got sucked through the vent. But here's my other issue with this whole movie, ultimately. You bring the serial killer on. I get it. That has to be the conceit of the movie, right? You got to get this guy on. But it's a confined space where all you need to do is sound an alarm, say, hey, everybody, stay in your bunks. There is seemingly zero communication between anyone at any given point. There's no intercom. There's so many ways this could have been avoided.

37:10I mean, this movie. You could have not asked me to watch it. The link I had could have been broken. There's so many ways I could have avoided watching this. No, they are constantly... That's where I was like, I had to readjust and be like, oh, no, these movies are this. These movies are, it's all about the kills. It's all about people making dumb decisions and going to the basement when they shouldn't. Or like when the dude is like on the run and he's like, wait a minute, quick, we gotta get to the shuttle, but should I fuck my robot that I just made? That's the craziest. He's like, yeah, I think I fucking should.

37:51How did they do the nipple effect? So that actress, they covered up her real nipples and then put fake plastic nipples on there, so much so that when they fell off, I was like, oh my God. Her nipples fall off like your refrigerator lost magnetism. Yes, total sub-zero time. I assumed it was like a computer effect. Do you think it was practical? They feel like they're CGI. I think it's a computer. Here we go. But listen to the sound they make. Why spend the money on that? The sound they make is what really makes it disturbing. What do you think? Hmm? Do you like them? They're fine.

38:32it sounds like two sack of joey of silver dollars hitting the ground so if he did put on steel nipples what is he getting out of that either also who manufactured those in space she was like I want you to make me some nipples and he was like I'm busy really I've got a lot to say about this movie why is when Jason is still dead not dead but like yeah dead when they are when Blondie who gets smashed when she is kind of doing stuff she's you know carves his mask off of his face why is the goop that leaks out of his head green yeah why is it again and I wrote it again what is Jason also why did she need to why did she need to like clearly cut off the mask but then seemingly the mask stayed like she just kind of smushes it back on its face.

39:34She puts it on in like a non-medical way. Like that's not the way a doctor would like put your thing back. Just like putting, just like just putting a sticker. She takes his eyeball out and just looks at it and then like freezes it. Yeah. Puts it in a, yeah. Also Shear, I forgot this character's name. What's her name in real life? is that Alexa Doig Doig What is it? D-O-I-G Doig I'm assuming like no Doig and and so her does anybody know what it is? It is Doig her first line when she wakes up this movie was made in 2001 she wakes up in 24, 55 the first words out of her mouth are did you get him?

40:20that's the first like her first order of business it's not like Ooh, it was cold when I was frozen. Well, first she clocks that guy. Where am I? Yeah, she clocks that guy, first of all, which is hilarious. By the way, Jason's machete, what we should believe, goes through a steel cryogenic chamber, like a hot knife through butter, to kind of get her killed, too. But that machete, someone should look into that. That machete seems like it has some powers. he's obsessed with this machete like I would argue like the machete is like his true love it's almost as if this movie was written by someone who never saw any of the Jason movies but this professor guy or this teacher guy his whole motivation is it's like a weird like he just wants people to pay to see her remember he says like he says like oh people will pay money to see her and then she goes away and then it's like or whatever And then so then he's like people pay money to see Jason like he's like some carnival animal or something.

41:29Which, you know, that's not going to work out well at all. Yeah, just kill everybody. Yeah. It's it's a it's a weird it's a weird movie because they're just running. They're not. No, there's no there's no deliberate like there's no reasoning with Jason. There's no reason why he has any grudges with any of these people. They have not done anything bad to him But bring him back to life And Well that's it It's interesting he's like a Frankenstein type figure But there is no like There is no understanding It really is We're looking at it the wrong way I think the way you're supposed to look at it is He is the hero We love him We're rooting for him We're rooting for him and we're beating...

42:19To kill all the dum-dums. To kill all the dum-dums while we beat off. Although this movie is very hard to beat off to. You can find your moments. I respectfully disagree. What do you mean you can find...

42:31Look, I was on a plane so it was a little bit more challenging. Can I tell... Can I tell our bummer story about... Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay, the guy, the actor that plays Jason in real life is named Kane Hodder and I'm scanning the audience as if I know what he looks like. So hopefully he's not here. But one time, Sheer and I were at something in New York. It was like a Comic-Con type, but not Comic-Con. It was a very low-level horror convention in New Jersey. Yes. Like in a hotel. Wait, are you sure it was a horror convention, or were you just in New Jersey? Nailed it. Wow. That's right, New Jersey.

43:08Kaboom. How'd that feel? So it was one of those things where you go, and there are people, you know, there are the signing booths. And so Kane Hodder, Jason from the movie is there, you know, and you pay 20 bucks to get his autograph or whatever. So it was very close to Halloween, like it is not when this podcast comes out. And so the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life was a probably... Keep in mind, you have a child. Yes. The cutest thing you've ever seen in your life, though, is this. This is cuter than... This is cuter... My child is a crybaby. No, this... So there was a mom there with like a three-year-old boy in fucking full-on Jason garb.

43:52Tiny little overalls, tiny little hockey mask, like three years old. Like, you know, doing this. And his mom is there, sees Kane Hodder there, like, you know, he's got a big poster or whatever, and she's like, go on, go on, go on up there. And so the little boy is just like, and goes up there, and he gets up to Kane Hodder, the person in real life, and Kane Hodder goes, 20 bucks. 20 bucks to the little kid. So I couldn't help but remember that as I was watching this movie that like, oh, that guy. What a surprise that Jason is a bad dude in real life. Edit out that pause, Paul. Take out this pause.

44:37Take out this pause. No, you know, let's just sit in this. Take it out. Take out that pause. So Jason is on this ship that has an anchor in it. The spaceship has an anchor. Yeah, because you have to anchor your spaceship all the time. Otherwise, it'll float away into space. And so many rooms full of chains. That's why on all the space things, you hear them say, drop anchor. Star Wars, drop anchor. Star Trek, Mr. Sulu, drop anchor. they just need to get him in rooms with chains and like giant they just put an anchor we'll put something on anchor and like that I'll give into that but what I don't like is the abuse of VR in this movie these two kids are playing VR and Jason murders the VR orc and it like exists in the game Jason is able to without his own set, without anything, into the game they're in, participate, and then when they take the masks off, he's just standing there, and the video game disappears, and he's like, what's going on?

45:54And to me, why not just make the smarter choice of not making the people in the future wear any sort of VR masks? Yes. Like make a holiday. Everybody is in a thing. Yeah. No, but they have the two guys sitting down on two carpets wearing a VR mask. And why are they sitting on the floor like that? Is that the game room or do they just sit down?

46:16They're sitting down like how people 400 years ago watched television. I was more psyched about those monsters. It was such a misdirect. I was like, oh, cool, now we're going to see some fucking cool monsters. And then it was like, oh, this is a fucking VR sim or whatever. I don't know technology. You know what furthers your hypothesis that Jason is the hero is that every human being in this movie is a fucking asshole. Yes. The only nice one is the woman who puts his mask back on and she's like, poor thing, or something like that. He really ruins her head. Yeah, and look what she got. But like, these fucking dummies single-handedly destroy Solaris without a care in the world.

47:06Oh my God, they ruined that. No repercussions. How many hundreds or thousands of people lived on that space? Like thousands of people they killed on that thing. Just a bash. They drove through it and it exploded. And then it explodes and they're like, oh my God, back it up.

47:23They are awful people. And I guess that was maybe for me the thing that was giving me a little bit of tension. I was like, well, these people are terrible. But Jason is the protagonist. Yeah. I think what I'm not used to. Well, my, that's a... I mean, I'm the protagonist in my life, I feel like. So I understand where Jason could be the protagonist. Right, you just, you feel like it's just about Jason. Yeah. Most things are. Yeah. Manzook X. My, one... One of my main beefs is the poor commitment to jolts on the spaceship. Yeah. You know, because like everyone's going in a different direction. Like Solaris blows up.

48:04One guy goes that way. Someone goes like this. Someone else goes like, whoa! You know? It's like Star Trek level. Yeah. Like original series Star Trek level. Like, whoa! Yeah. But the robot woman is actually good at the jolts. She's got a lot of jokes that she does. Lisa Ryder is her name. Lisa Ryder is far and away crushing it in this movie. Just interesting. obviously one of the big reveals of this movie is when the robot becomes full on Terminator. She gets an upgrade and upload. So does that mean he just like He just like spooked it up in there. Like you're better now. They're trying to escape to the pod and he's like wait a minute.

48:48And they have like a moment that is romantically charged but I don't think she understands romance. No I think she does. she loves him that's why she wants her nipples is that it yeah because she wants to be like janessa also you memorize everyone's name 450 years from now named janessa who has a fourth of a blouse which i have a lot of trouble with whoa really yeah the guy writing it was like what's the name of a sexy girl who i can who will like me basically like he just like you know he falls in love with while he's writing it. He just loves Janessa. Janessa and Todd Farmer walk down the street.

49:31Yeah, he's like, shoot, I gotta change it. You know that someone from Todd Farmer's past is like, is this about me? And he's like, no, Vanessa, why would you say that?

49:48Janessa's shirt is like the most insane garment I've ever seen in my life. Yes. And it's like, it's crazy. It's just like two strips standard titties like that. And then with like weird bolts, right? Yeah. And also my pants just are completely broken. I can't stand up like this. By the way, they say that in the movie. They say, she says, don't wreck my pants. Don't wreck my pants. Just don't wreck my pants. That was a great box. That should have been on the box. But there is a part where like they're doing something that's like tough and she like makes sure that her shirt's on as if it was ever really on.

50:22To begin with. Yeah, that's like, yeah. She should have been wearing something. Everyone in that spaceship should be wearing more. And yeah, it's weird to say for a horror movie, put on more clothes, people. Except for during the sex scene when they should be wearing less. Yeah. Even the military people are like pornographically dressed. Yeah. I will say this is interesting. So when Jason is killed, he's reformed. Now, if you listen to the podcast, you know we did a movie called Virtuosity, and the way that Jason came back was an idea stolen from virtuosity. Wow. Literally? Yes, truly. This is on the commentary track.

51:04The writer, Todd Farmer, lifted this idea of nanotechnology from virtuosity. He said he thought it would be cool.

51:15So... Because it worked in that movie? It worked in virtuosity. P.S. It did not. But it's also, it's not just nanotechnology. It's just ants. Like at one point they cut to like an extreme close-up and it's just fucking bugs. It looks like metal. I think they're robot bugs. Yeah, they're nanotechnology. I think they're supposed to be robot bugs. Well, yeah, of course. But still, it's bugs. You've got a bug problem. It's a fucking bug problem. Yeah. Just to give you an idea of other ideas that Jason could have been in instead of space, these are the ideas they passed on. All right, so Jason in the hood.

51:52Leprechaun Jason in the snow Jason underwater Jason in the arctic Well isn't that the snow? Totally different bro You've never been to the arctic Yeah one could be like the thing and one could be like snow day The other one Jason in LA fighting gangs The other one Jason on safari and they even considered something involving the NASCAR circuit. Wow. Yeah, that... The, um... Sheer, did you have any thoughts on the sim at the end, the Crystal Lake throwback? That's where I was showing nudity to people on my airplane, yeah. That's an odd sequence because that's, like, one of those rare moments, too, where, like, I felt bad because it felt, like, gratuitous.

52:48Like, how could you get anyone to even do it? It's like, hey, so this is not integral to the part, the plot. This is something like, you know, what are our lines? Well, you're going to yell, we love premarital sex. And then we get into sleeping bags and are beaten to death with each other's body using the sleeping bag as a weapon. so they cut back to Jason Voorhees and he's holding a sleeping bag with a girl in it and he's clobbering the other girl in a sleeping bag with that girl I will say I will say that there's a lot of weird production design in it but I did feel like the sleeping bags were not full enough like they felt they didn't feel like the audio check were like ow yeah I couldn't understand what the audio was.

53:43I was like, is the sim glitching? Are they laughing still? Because they're like looking up at the camera. Also, how is the sim prepared for that scenario? Yeah. Like what? I don't know that that's within the... I don't know. He was using... The boyfriend of KM was using her severed head. Yes. And somehow jacked that in to the sim thing, right? Yes. And she was downloading that program. Am I wrong? Can I also say, I love KM, but I also like the scientist. I liked her boyfriend. I like that guy. You like that guy? To me, he was the most relatable character in the film. Let's all go around and say who our favorite dummy was.

54:27Mine was the robot. Yeah, the robot's good. I loved her non-magnetic nipples. I loved when she became like Laura Croft, Tomb Raider at the end. I would go with my favorite. It was, I think this is him, Boyd Banks, who played Fat Lou, who was the guy who was like, Hey, what the hell? I'm Fat Lou. You hack my stuff. No one ever says my name, but you know who I am. Yeah. Fat Lou. He has necklaces. Kids and their dumb field trips, I bet I'm going to catch shit for this. And then he gets chopped into, like, a gajillion pieces. Then the other guy comes up and is like, oh, this is a nightmare. But I've seen worse.

55:09What? Yeah, they never explore that at all. Are you going to explain what could be worse? Was that Vietnam? No, he's seen worse. Then he refers to some war that they fought. Oh, the Microsoft conflict. The Microsoft conflict. Where people were fighting each other with their own limbs. Over old Zunes. By the way, also, one of my favorite lines is, it's going to take more than a poke in the ribs to put down this old dog. Flink! That ought to do it. That was a great line. Yeah. But I feel like that's where that movie was weird because it's like they were going for jokes and I liked that joke a lot, but then they would also like, they would treat some things like, like that I think worked, but then there was another moment where like...

56:04What's his condition? He's screwed. Yes. Oh, yeah. Why do they have that big screw in there? That was her friend. He screwed. He screwed. And why were they never shocked when people were dead? They're not in a war. They're scientists. They should be like, if they see one dead person that isn't part of their lab, which they don't keep clean, they should be like, ah! The only time they did that... Get on the Instagram and be like, hey, hey, everyone. The only time they did that is when they ran out, like one door opens and there's like a security guard dead and then they go like, I was like, you don't even fucking know that guy.

56:41Also, the guy who she says he's screwed, it's a visual joke or it's a visual line for her. The person on the other end should be like, what do you mean? Yeah, wait, so what are you talking about? Is he late? Is he lost? He's not seen that the man has been impaled on a screw. He's like, what do you mean? He's screwed. Well, why are you saying it like that? Oh, because there's a giant screw in this room and he's actually rotating around. So his body has been impaled on a giant screw. Oh, okay, got it. Okay. That's good. Really, that was good. Let's go to the audience. Audience, do you have any questions, things we haven't talked about?

57:22I know we haven't talked about a lot, but anything at all. The scene where he is... Doesn't matter. Sir, your name, your question. My name's Matt. I'm just wondering if we can go over the fact that they say they executed him three times. They went from electricity to firing squad to hanging, and then they just jumped to cryogenically freezing. Well, I think that that actually makes sense. You know, I feel like at a certain point, you're like, well, we can't kill him, so let's freeze him. Yeah, let's put him on hold. I think they also said in gas. Scientifically, that checks out. No, it doesn't check out.

57:56Yes, it does. Like, here's the thing. If you want that guy gone, chop him into a million pieces. They did that. They blew off his leg. they blew off his fucking head. Well, in this movie. Yeah, but if the nanotechnology wouldn't have come back, he would... I mean, again, they knew that he regenerated, so why would they leave him in that room alone? Why did they leave him on the regeneration slide? But also, why does he regenerate, question mark? Because the bugs. But they can regenerate all of their friends. It doesn't matter. Sir, your name, your question. My name's Devin, so... Why do we need their names, Paul?

58:33I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. He's using a fake name. The people at home are telling me. Oh, that was Devin. You're telling me that guy's name is Devin? Yeah, his name's Devin. Nope. I don't buy it for a fucking minute. No way. Paul? Paul? Yeah. Get his license. Let's check out your license. All right, Devin, if that's your name, your question. So early when the lady that travels through, or it's frozen and going through time. Doig? Yeah. When she's getting thawed, the robot says this line that I think is just either miswritten or something. She's saying, I think she's supposed to be saying cellular, but she says celery.

59:14Wow. First of all, Paul, that's not a question. It could be observations. We're taking observations and questions. And you're telling me she says celery. No, now I've got to watch the whole movie again. She's going through celery regeneration. Celery regeneration. I will say, to Devin's point, I thought... Fake news. Am I... Fake news. Noons. It did seem like there were more than a couple flub lines that they didn't even try again. It seemed like there was a moment when Miss Doig forgot her line and, like, ran into a room and was like, I... We... yeah, we have to get to the, and I was like, okay, I know what that is because I've done that myself.

1:00:06You don't know what you're saying. We got it. Let's move on. We don't know what's going on. Moving on. Check the gate. Your fake name and your question. Oh, well, my real name's Corrine, and that sounds fake enough, so let's just go with that. So when the guard, or when that Marine or whatever she has finds her friend impaled, and she's like, oh, he's been screwed. He hasn't even been screwed. it's a drill. Like, it's not even a screw. So my question is, what do you guys think about that? What about this? What about this? He's dead. This is not a drill. Oh, wait, it is. Yeah.

1:00:49Fuck yeah. Yeah. You got a little bit of a standing ovation. Thanks. You give us the scenario, We'll give you the clever wordplay. All right, your name, your question. My name is Scott. And great and undercover shirt. Fake name. Undercover, this is fake. So when the professor is with the Space Marine, he's like, do you have all your kids? He says, yes, I've got them all. They immediately cut to the Bobo holodeck where they've got these idiots playing games. That's Todd Farmer. the bald idiot that gets cut in half is Todd Farmer really? oh Todd Farmer also the writer director of Drive Angry the Nicolas Cage movie that we did in this podcast and was also killed in that as well Paul we have not even touched on the last like minute of the movie where Jason comes oh wait there yeah no sorry sorry yeah where Jason comes at us and then Brodsky comes in and tackles him and then, like, Iron Man flies him back through the atmosphere, burning him up, and they become a shooting star.

1:02:04And then two horny teenagers go, oh, a shooting star may go... Are we not going to talk about... By the way, I would argue the best part of the entire movie is what you just described. I think Todd Farmer started with that. Am I wrong? Friend of Todd Farmer? All right, your name and your question. My name is Rachel, and... I know that like the bad guy sneaking up on the unsuspecting people are just kind of like the thing with this movie but the The the rules about how he moves around the set are bonkers He like teleports from one room to another and the one that drove me the most crazy is that girl is when he's coming back to life Because all the people are having sex He moves his leg she turns around nothing he shifts his hand he just kind of clenches it nothing he sits up gets up off the table nothing she doesn't she's like no I don't hear that bit oh yeah yeah there's a weird angle there where like they're kind of like showing her spine like you know she's in that like cut off shirt and it's like he's twitching and it's just like showing that like she's a vulnerable human or something like it's really I was upset by that I'm also sleep training my baby so by the way I was thinking we get it You've got friends.

1:03:21And you have unprotected sex. We get it. Once. One time. Gross. I mean, this is also, I will say to your point, a person who at that point in the movie is wearing chains. So when he would move, you're hearing the rattling. You're always going to hear the rattling. Well, you would also think when he sat up, his hockey mask would fall to the ground. And there's a... There's a... Sorry, go ahead. I mean, there's another point where, like, he's supposed to be in one other room. Oh, it's in the beginning. The guy falls through the door, and he's dying, and she's like, oh, what happened? What happened?

1:03:56He's in the room. He threw him through the door. She turns around. He's in the hallway. How did he get there? Did he go around? Where is the other door that he came through that he just teleported over there? We're not going to have an answer for you. I'm worried about you, because you seem genuinely upset about this. We have no answers. She has created like a JFK monument in her house. But you're positing a theory where there's another Jason. It's because this is the magic Jason theory. There has to be another Jason on the grassy knoll. But you bring up a good point that there is so much sneaking up behind people that it's like, it's ridiculous.

1:04:41Like, the movie could be called, just look behind you. Just, just like one, everyone's just backing up, backing up. No one ever goes, I'll just look where I'm going. By the way, how about this? They, they introduced this so late in the film. There is a ship that they could just easily all get on and then leave Jason on the main ship and get the fuck out of there. But he's not blocking it. They don't have to get like. But then the one girl blows it up. Right. But they, but it would have been so easy. Like, Hey, let's all go to that one ship. Right. Like they're like, Oh, Jason. But then what would we all be doing?

1:05:16We wouldn't be here. And again, you're acting as if that girl or those people are the characters we're following. Right. And it's not. Jason is the character we are following. And my only thought again was... And Lexi Doig, I guess. Lexi? Alexa. Alexa? Oh, no, now we just turned on everyone's Alexis at home. Alexa? Doig. Alexa Doig. Alexa, search Alexa Doig. Alexa, play Steely Dan, Peg.

1:05:54Alexa, what's the weather? Oh, this is fun. People in her are like, oh, fuck. Oh, come on. Alexa, play. Let the bodies hit the floor.

1:06:09Alexa, wake the baby. Alexa, fuck you. Alexa, tell me a joke. Alexa, tell me a dirty joke. I have an Alexa, and I get an email every week. It's like, do you like comedy? Ask Alexa to tell you a limerick. Ew. You get that email every week? I wouldn't let Jake kill myself. I keep it around because I want to know what the new latest skills I can teach my Alexa are. I don't do any of them a limerick a limerick I just like to like do you like comedy then ask Alexa for a good limerick I would like this movie to be Jason running around with the mask constantly falling off just that like just the slap killing someone oh fuck where is it where is it my contacts are in that mask like how have they they've done ten of these how have they never done one that's just like the airplane version of this movie.

1:07:14Sir, your name and your question. My name is Ryan and unfortunately it is a bit of a statement but I have some insight that relates to this movie. Are you Todd Farmer? Yes. I have a limerick. No. I can explain Kane Hodder's sour disposition. So, Freddy vs. Jason is canon. Oh, damn. All right. This is something that fans campaign for and Kane Hodder and Robert Englund both campaign for it. conventions and stuff, probably like the one you went to. When it finally was going to happen, all the rights came together and the different studios and whatever, at the end of Jason Goes to Hell, Jason sinks into hell, literally.

1:07:55The mask is all that's left, and the last scene in the movie is Freddy's hand coming up out of the ground and grabbing it. So, Freddy lives underground in hell. In Jason Goes to Hell, apparently. He has an apartment. He has a timeshare. So, years and years of to Donald Trump. I was campaigning. This was like Kane Hodder's life was campaigning for this movie to get made. They made the movie with Robert Englund as Freddy. Some other dude as Jason. Oh. And this is Kane Hodder here in this one. So you think that Kane Hodder is just... Kane Hodder's been a bitter individual ever since. Oh, you're saying...

1:08:33I'm sorry. I thought this whole story was about why Jason is always trying to kill everyone, but you're... This is the real... I was like, well, hold on. And Kane Hodder... Well, now I want to know more, because I don't know. He's probably a nice guy. And also, I don't want to get murdered. Like, please, Kane Hodder, don't. I'm glad you said that, because up until now, because we've been friends for a long time, I've considered you someone that wanted to be murdered. No, no, no. No, let me be clear. I do not want to be murdered. He said, no, Rob said he'll always deny it on a podcast, but he definitely wants to be murdered.

1:09:03Alexa, don't murder me. Alexa, murder Rob Hubel, please. Alexa, put Rob Hubel on my do not murder list. As per his instructions. Alexa. Obviously we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions.

1:09:27Stupid logic. Idiotic. That's what critics saying. Great action. Superb acting. That's what I am seeing. Top that. Top that. I got a second opinion about that. Top that, stop that, top that, stop that. It's my second opinion, so don't try to stop that. Give it up for Mike. Good job. Mike with a top that second opinion theme. Good job, Mike. Home run from the great film Teen Witch. Teen Witch callback. I will say I did not know where I was going to begin with, and I was really happy. He got more confident as the song went along. Yeah. That is the power of Teen Witch. If you're having a bad... Alexa, play Teen Witch Top That.

1:10:22That was great. Mike, great job. You should be proud of yourself. Yeah. All right, here we go. I still have a problem with those shoes. This one is written by Gerholt in 2001. Fake name. I have a message to all the critics who I'm sure are readying their pens to dump all over this latest installment. Their quill pens. Don't bother. We know the acting will probably be horrible and the story won't be poignant or meaningful, and it doesn't matter. If it's Oscar-caliber performances you want, go see Captain Corelli's Mandolin. Whoa.

1:11:06Somebody has to. Whoa. Alexa, play Captain Corelli's mandolin. Leave us and our slasher film alone. It doesn't need to make sense or even tie into part nine. All we need is Jason and his hockey mask and nudity and blood. Wow. And that's it. I've been a fan of Jason since 1982 and I plan to be here to the bloody end. Pun intended. Five stars. Sign, Little Rob Hubel. Baby Hubes. This one is a weird... You want to pass over it? No, no, no. Ten fingers, ten toes, not enough to count the bodies. Basically, I watch Jason movies because of the high body count. But this movie went too far. Oh, wow. Jason kills 20 to 25 people, and that's not counting the thousands he helped blow up.

1:12:13On Solaris. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Jason's mind is gone. As soon as he sees someone, they're dead. It's the best Friday the 13th movie ever. Five stars. Wait, I thought... Wait, what? That's why it's weird. It really takes that... The road, like, turned upside down, and then he drove his car upside down. Yeah, it was like, I don't like it. His mind is gone? His mind is gone. But his mind is gone, guys. It is interesting because they say his brain is so small. Yeah. You know, at some point, so like... But his dick is very big. Okay, Paul. Yeah, why did you focus on that one line? What's that about, Paul?

1:12:53That's the thing that you took away from this? Wait, there's something... There is? I thought it was weird because she said, but his dick is so big and then she grabbed... She says she's hung like a mammoth. Oh, okay. All right. He's hung like a mammoth. Paul, why do you know that? Yeah, Paul. And she says, I bet he's hung like a mammoth. He just decided it's true. And have run with him. She also just look at his dead, limp dick and find out. There's one way to figure this out. Alexa, how big is Jason Voorhees' penis? Which Jason Voorhees? Alexa, how big is a mammoth's penis? This is one of my favorite reviews here from Mr.

1:13:34Bayvine. Mr. Bayvine. One of the guys looked like Lawrence Fishburne, and I thought he was until I found out he wasn't.

1:13:44For anyone that didn't know, the X in Jason X means the 10th one. The actors did a good job, and that one girl actually took the dead guy's gun. I've been wanting someone to keep the guy's weapon every time I watch a horror movie. Overall, I'd say this is the best Friday the 13th ever. Five stars. Wow. You know, the other thing I just want to ask is does this movie take place on Friday the 13th? No. No, okay. Because there is no Friday the 13th in space. Right. On Earth 2, they've outlawed it with hockey. It does make me, like, kind of begs the question, what is Jason? I still haven't gotten an answer from that.

1:14:30Yeah, well, you are going to struggle with that until you die. Hey, guy, what is Jason? Do you know? No? He's a shooting star, bro. Okay, cool. And then, finally, this is a very heavily edited review, like, eight, nine paragraphs here from Techno Machinima 1996. 1996, and I'm just going to read the final paragraph. It's pronounced Mackina. Oh, yeah. Techno X. But there's no X, so it's Techno Mach. It's not even spelled like that. This is before Mach. Overall, if you're looking for unique sci-fi horror experience, if you like to look at attractive and decidedly sexy people, if you're into Jason and Friday the 13th but need something different, if you like super awesome special effects, if you like action, if you like humor, If you like sex appeal in your horror movies and you want to see Jason in a whole new way, well then, this movie's definitely for you.

1:15:29Fine stuff. Super awesome special effects? Really? What? Why? Why? What is Jason? What is Jason? Why, when Jason gets, you know, fixed by the ants, does he get turned into, like, Bane? Yeah, why is he so much more, like, ripped? Yeah, he's jacked, and he's half metal, and he's like, it's like he gets... Because the ants fucked him. They all fucked. If you got fucked by ants, you would be so jacked. Oh, so you think that is a decidedly sexual process? Why wouldn't they regenerate his skin, and why would they regenerate his mask? Yeah. Like, because it's nanotechnology. Why were his eyes red? Why were his eyes red?

1:16:12Smoking that weed, bro. Because he is a replicant. Right? The replicants all have red eyes. Oh, is that right? Okay, guys, sorry. Didn't mean to go crazy with my Blade Runner knowledge. He looks like, like, Bebop and Rocksteady. Yeah, my Blade Runner hot take. Oh, I said I thought he looked like Bebop or Rocksteady, like from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. With a little bit of cring, because his head's so... I have a question, too. I would maybe, like, say Legend of the Ooze more, but let's see. I have a question, too. at the very end where those the horny teens see the shooting star of Jason and Brodsky they're on Earth 2 Earth 2 okay that's what I want to do which is somehow habitable because I was told yeah because we destroyed Earth yeah but I thought all planets were uninhabitable no just Earth regularly Paul edit that out Earth 2 is fine Alexa is Earth 2 still habitable?

1:17:12does anyone want to take a swing at what the tagline might be for this? Don't wreck my pants. It is this Halloween, meet the perfect 10 in terror. Now, what is interesting about that is this movie came out April 26th.

1:17:43And also, wait, I'm sorry. and you might just also have to edit this out because it's a genuine question. This movie is not from the Halloween series either, right? No, no, yeah, yeah. Okay, so, okay. Yeah, yeah, this Halloween meets the perfect 10 in terror. By the way, isn't April 26th like Easter? Well, that would go with the other good tagline. Resurrection. He's been drowned, chainsawed, knifed, axed, hammered, shocked, burned, spiked, nailed, shot, and frozen, and now he's back for more. like it's you know a resurrection tale wait was he in Frozen? Jason? not a lot of people know Jason played Olaf yeah yeah this movie came out in 2002 the number the top three movies that year were Spider-Man Lord of the Rings The Two Towers Star Wars Episode 2 and the budget was 11 million dollars and worldwide it made 16 million it was a profitable film so we're the dicks we don't know we don't know for P &A Don't use fucking industry terms on me.

1:18:48Alexa, buy the house on Blu-ray.

1:18:56One-click purchase.

1:19:01See the sales. I think right after this episode, like, bam, a huge spike. Let's see. So obviously we watch these movies because they're like fun, bad movies. And so now let's go around and see. Do you believe that this is a fun, bad movie to watch? You don't have to agree to it. It's your own opinion. Would you recommend people to watch this film if they have not seen it? I will say watch this movie. Don't watch this movie while you're watching your baby try to go to sleep. because you're listening to people getting murdered and people screaming while you're watching your baby also scream at you.

1:19:42This is a very niche angle on this. You should have put your iPad in the baby's crib. Then you could be watching your baby and the movie almost like you're at a drive-in. Oh, you're watching the baby monitor on which is the iPad playing the movie. Yes. Smart. Really smart. and not damaging it all to the baby. Jason, any, what would you say here? You know, it's fine. There are better, there are better, we've done better the Halloween that we did. Season of the Witch. No. Leprechaun. Yeah, we did Season of the Witch. Season of the Witch, that's what it called? Yeah. Okay, sorry. That, or Leprechaun in the Hood, right?

1:20:26That's what the Leprechaun was? Yeah. Those movies are better. Troll, the Troll 2. we did not do that we've never done it but that's a good like there are better bad horror movies when's Troll 2 gonna happen please ask me back for Troll 2 oh yeah for sure there are better like this is fine and watch it if you want it's fun it is very self aware it's very goofy there's lots of jokes but not enough like it's not enough it's neither nor that's the thing it's a bit neither nor if you don't watch it I think you're fine I don't think it's not like it's not like it's Miami Connection right which every single the best movie of all time Alexa Purchase Miami Connection.

1:21:04That movie is like the greatest. And this is kind of like blah, if I'm being honest. Yeah. Jenny? I would say it's worth it for one thing, which is that the costume designer truly put everyone, almost everyone, in some sort of velour vest or... Belly shirt. Or belly shirt. Yeah, the costume designer is really the person to look out for. I feel like that is, it is really wonderful. They made a real attempt to provide futuristic tech and all that stuff, but they just assumed that everybody in 400 years in the future will dress like people in 2002. Yeah, like real chenille kind of stuff. I really, it's great for that and if you like to smoke weed.

1:21:54But I would say it was, I mean, I'm like, it was a little bit gross. you know yeah to me i would say like i i find it to be like the same way i was like yeah it was fine it was fine it's a movie there's other movies we talked about in the beginning other horror movies that went to space were hellraiser leprechaun and critters so maybe we just do four of these and just figure out what's the best uh person in space i think a better version of this movie would have been the whole if the whole thing had been or or no at the mid point of the movie if it had switched to the sim of Crystal Lake. Once they got into that, I thought, oh, that's the movie.

1:22:33That's the thing. I mean, not with the girls. We love premarital sex. It would have been interesting to have to have the people on the ship act like they were in a summer camp on an old earth. A full circle. That they don't know what it is. So they're having to do it in order to lure Jason out. That would have been fun. Are you listening to this fucking farmer? take a note on FarmersOnly.com just dating himself he's always liking himself ding dong oh it's me a big thank you to Averill Halley who cuts all of our amazing clips July Diaz who's up in the booth Nate Kiley does all this research and listen to the Jason X commentary track into copious notes Kelly Alto Leanna Waldron everybody here Largo everybody at Earwolf thank you so much and good night.